Almost Human
That hair! Those teeth! Those jokes that sound...for a minute…almost...natural! (Until they’re told again with mechanical precision at the next stop down the road.) Robert Draper followed Mitt Romney’s campaign for a month, in search of the man behind the robot. He thinks he found him. But will America ever do the same?
mitt romney spent January 15—the day he won the Michigan primary and finally emerged as a credible threat to secure the GOP nomination—suspended in his customary state of gee-whizzery. The morning’s campaign load had been very light, just a single undersized rally in an office-furniture warehouse on the outskirts of Grand Rapids. With his fate firmly in the hands of his birth state, Romney now had the rest of the day to kill. Ecutive decision: Let’s go tour the ol’ alma mater!
And so, after a quick bite of pizza at Hungry Howie’s, the Romney clan—61-year-old Mitt and his wife, Ann, three of the five fabled Romney boys and their wives—squeezed into the chauffeur-driven SUV and motored over to Cranbrook Kingswood Upper School in the ultra-affluent Bloomfield Hills suburb outside Detroit. Once they arrived, word quickly spread that Romney was in the building, and the students poured out of their classrooms. Sure, I’ll pose for a few. Did your mom and dad vote this morning? Nice work! Get that boy an internship, heh heh heh!
Romney couldn’t help but be boggled by memories. Why, he’d met his sweetheart, Ann, while here. That was back when the girls were at Kingswood, the boys were at Cranbrook, and he’d seen that pretty little girl on horseback—and Mitt did what boys tend to do in such situations, which was throw a rock at her horse. What a place! Romney ambled into the campus’s weaving workshop and stood over the loom next to the textile instructor. Now show me how these darn things work—isn’t that something? After which: back to the Radisson for a ninety-minute strategy meeting. There wasn’t much downtime for Mitt. He had to be active, had to know the data. He_ loved_ that stuff!
A wave of exit polls came in shortly after 6 p.m. The former Massachusetts governor’s old chief of staff and now campaign manager, Beth Myers, said to Romney over the phone, “I’m on my way up to tell you.” _Well, that didn’t sound good. _Sitting in his hotel room, Romney told Ann, “We’ve lost.” He was telling other people the same thing when Beth and the eldest Romney boy, Tagg, knocked on his door to say: “34–29, we’re up!” Hey, that’s more like it!—though no one started popping the noncaffeinated cola yet, since the data had also been encouraging seven days ago in New Hampshire.
This time, though, the numbers held. And shortly after nine, Romney stood in a Southfield, Michigan, hotel ballroom, declaring over the din of 400 supporters: “Tonight marks the beginning of a comeback for America!” He looked, for Mitt, if not actually disheveled, then at least somewhat impacted by life: white shirtsleeves half-assedly rolled up, eyes glazed with emotion, indomitable haircut distinctly mussed. (Family backstage: _What happened to your hair??? _Mitt: Sometimes it just breaks, I dunno.…) They were out of there by nine thirty, back to the hotel room, where there was much hugging among Romneys, a little basking—then: Okay, enough celebrating. Let’s look down the road. Ann, tomorrow you head to Nevada. Tagg, you get back to Boston. Craig, you’re with me in South Carolina. And we all meet up in Florida—what do you say, team?