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I sent the same appeal to 10,000 donors.
One version raised $67,000.
The other raised $142,000.
The only difference? Where I put the word "you." Donor-centered writing isn't just nice—it's profitable:
• "You" in the first sentence increases response by 23%
• Stories about donors (not beneficiaries) raise more money
• Questions outperform statements in both open and response rates
One organization rewrote their case statement from "we need" to "you can" language and saw major gift closes increase by 41%.
The most powerful word in fundraising isn't "give"—it's "you."
What small language shift has made the biggest difference in your fundraising?
Most founders think speaking faster shows confidence.
It's actually killing their pitch.
One of the reasons Steve Jobs became such a legendary presenter was his masterful control of pace and silence.
He took time to build tension, to let ideas land, and to respond thoughtfully.
This video shared by Fadi Amoudi is a perfect example of his approach.
After coaching hundreds of technical founders, here are three unexpected patterns that transform how investors perceive your pitch:
1. Master the Power of Silence
Don't rush to fill every second with words.
Instead:
• Take a full 3-second pause after stating your value proposition
• Let key metrics land before explaining them
• Breathe between major transition points
The silence feels uncomfortable. That's exactly why it works.
2. Lead with Questions, Not Answers
Stop opening with solutions.
Instead:
• Start with a thought-provoking industry question
• Frame the problem in a new way
• Let the tension build before revealing your approach
The best questions make investors rethink their existing assumptions.
3. Break the Flow Intentionally
Perfect polish isn't always perfect.
Instead:
• Change your pace when highlighting key differentiators
• Lower your voice for crucial insights
• Use strategic pauses before important revelations
These subtle pattern breaks command attention naturally.
Powerful communication isn't just about what you say.
It's also about how you say it.
These patterns trigger psychological principles of attention, tension, and memory.
They work beyond fundraising – they work in board meetings, team presentations, and customer pitches.
Want to master these? Schedule a call with me: https://t2m.io/xqsqyBoV#communication#storytelling#publicspeaking#fundraisingÂ
Your case for support is boring.
Not because your mission isn't important.
Because you're writing for committees, not humans.
Here's what every case statement includes:
⦿ History of the organization
⦿ Impressive statistics
⦿ List of programs
⦿ Credentials and awards
⦿ How funds will be used
Here's what donors actually want:
⦿ What changes if I say yes?
⦿ What breaks if I say no?
⦿ Why me, why now?
⦿ Who else believes in this?
⦿ What happens after I give?
The case statement that raises money
reads like a invitation to adventure,
not an annual report.
Try this instead:
ð—¦ð˜ð—®ð—¿ð˜ ð˜„ð—¶ð˜ð—µ ð˜ð—µð—² ð—³ð˜‚ð˜ð˜‚ð—¿ð—², ð—»ð—¼ð˜ ð˜ð—µð—² ð—½ð—®ð˜€ð˜
Paint the world you're building,
not the history you're preserving.
ð— ð—®ð—¸ð—² ð—¶ð˜ ð—½ð—²ð—¿ð˜€ð—¼ð—»ð—®ð—¹, ð—»ð—¼ð˜ ð—¶ð—»ð˜€ð˜ð—¶ð˜ð˜‚ð˜ð—¶ð—¼ð—»ð—®ð—¹
Use "you" more than "we."
They're the hero, not you.
ð—–ð—¿ð—²ð—®ð˜ð—² ð˜‚ð—¿ð—´ð—²ð—»ð—°ð˜†, ð—»ð—¼ð˜ ð—´ð˜‚ð—¶ð—¹ð˜
Opportunity expires, not hope.
FOMO beats obligation every time.
ð—¦ð—µð—¼ð˜„ ð—ºð—¼ð—ºð—²ð—»ð˜ð˜‚ð—º, ð—»ð—¼ð˜ ð—»ð—²ð—²ð—±
Winners attract investment.
Losers attract pity.
ð—£ð—¿ð—¼ð—ºð—¶ð˜€ð—² ð˜ð—¿ð—®ð—»ð˜€ð—³ð—¼ð—¿ð—ºð—®ð˜ð—¶ð—¼ð—», ð—»ð—¼ð˜ ð˜ð—¿ð—®ð—»ð˜€ð—®ð—°ð˜ð—¶ð—¼ð—»
They're not buying services.
They're building legacy.
One client rewrote their case.
Removed every committee word.
Told one powerful story instead.
Their campaign goal? Exceeded by 40%.
Your case for support shouldn't sound professional.
It should sound unstoppable.
When did you last read yours out loud?
The one minute pitch that gets investors to say YES
Your pitch isn't failing because your idea is bad.
It's failing because you're saying too much.
After pitching my startup, Fluently (an AI English-speaking coach, https://lnkd.in/eA8BEMnC) dozens of times and watching 100+ pitches from other founders, I’ve noticed a pattern:
"The founders who raise aren't necessarily smarter, they're clearer."
Here's the 60-second pitch formula that actually works:
1) Hook (5 sec)
"[Company] is solving [specific pain] for [target market]."
2) Problem (10 sec)Â
"Today, [audience] struggles with [problem] costing them [quantified pain]."
3) Solution (15 sec)Â
"We've built [solution] that delivers [unfair advantage] through [key benefit]."
4) Traction (10 sec)
"We've already [achievement], growing [metrics] month-over-month."
5) Market (5 sec)
"This is a $[X]B market growing [Y]% annually."
6) Team (5 sec)
"Our team built [previous success] and has deep expertise in [domain]."
7) Ask (10 sec)
"We're raising [$ amount] to [specific milestone], which gets us to [...]."
Most founders don't ramble for 20 minutes, lose the investor in the first 30 seconds, and wonder why they didn't get funded.
Don't be that founder. Keep it tight. Keep it clear 💪
Want to raise money from foundations? It's not just about persistence—it's about speaking their language.
When I first started seeking foundation support for Mongabay, I faced a wall of silence. No responses. When I was lucky, I got a "No thanks."
At the time, I thought I was taking the right approach. I targeted foundations aligned with our work in journalism and conservation. But I quickly learned that good alignment isn't enough. The way I framed our work needed to change.
Program officers aren't just looking to support great causes; they want to achieve impact. Once I shifted my outreach to focus on how Mongabay could help them achieve their goals, my success rate increased—though there are still far more non-responses and nos than yeses.
Here are a few lessons I've learned:
1/ Focus on their objectives, not yours.
↳ Foundations are often trying to solve complex challenges. Instead of leading with what Mongabay does, I began emphasizing how our work supports their mission.
2/ Be concise and clear.
↳ Program officers are busy. Long-winded pitches didn’t get me far. Clear, succinct messaging worked better.
3/ Cold outreach is tough.
↳ The reality? Most cold messages go unanswered. Whenever possible, I leaned on introductions where I could get them.
4/ Relationships matter.
↳ In philanthropy, as in life, trust is built over time. Regular updates, even when not tied to an ask, help maintain connections.
5/ Measure impact.
↳ Reporting back on how foundation support has translated into tangible results has been key to securing renewals.
Even now, I don't have all—or even most—of the answers. But over the years, I've seen Mongabay's foundation support grow from zero to several million dollars annually. This increased support has allowed us to expand from a team of two to about 120, dramatically scaling our impact. It's clear proof that refining your approach can lead to meaningful results.
For those navigating the fundraising landscape, remember: Foundations aren’t just writing checks; they’re investing in outcomes. Speak to that, and you’re on the right path.
Trust is not something you have, but something you do.
6 proven ways to build unshakeable trust with your team, TODAY:
(Sample situations and scripts are included)
1. Say what you do. Minimize surprises.
âžœWhy: Consistency in communication ensures everyone is on the same page, reducing uncertainties and building reliability.
âžœSituation: After a meeting, promptly send out a summary of what was agreed upon, including the next steps, owners, and deadlines.
âžœScript: "Thank you for the productive meeting. As discussed, here are our next steps with respective owners and deadlines. Please review and let me know if any clarifications are needed."
2. Do what you say. Deliver on commitments.
âžœWhy: Keeping your word demonstrates dependability and earns you respect and trust.
âžœSituation: Regularly update stakeholders on the project's progress. Send out a report showing the project is on track, and proactively communicate any potential risks.
âžœScript: "Here's the latest project update. We're on track with our milestones. I've also identified some potential risks and our mitigation strategies."
3. Extend the bridge of trust. Assume good intent.
âžœWhy: Trust grows in a culture of understanding and empathy. Giving others the benefit of the doubt fosters a supportive and trusting environment.
âžœSituation: If a team member misses an important meeting, approach them with concern and understanding instead of jumping to conclusions.
➜Script: "I noticed you weren’t at today’s meeting, [Name]. I hope everything is okay. We discussed [key topics]. Let me know if you need a recap or if there's anything you want to discuss or add."
4. Be transparent in communication, decision-making, and admitting mistakes.
âžœWhy: Honesty in sharing information and rationale behind decisions strengthens trust.
âžœSituation: Be clear about the reasoning behind key decisions, especially in high-stakes situations.
âžœScript: "I want everyone to understand why we made this decision. Here are the factors we considered and how they align with our objectives..."
5. Champion inclusivity. Engage and value all voices.
âžœWhy: Inclusivity ensures a sense of belonging and respect, which is foundational for trust.
âžœSituation: Encourage diverse viewpoints in team discussions, ensuring everyone feels their input is valued and heard.
âžœScript: Example Script: "I'd really like to hear your thoughts on this, [Name]. Your perspective is important to our team."
6. Be generous. Care for others.
âžœWhy: Offering support and resources to others without expecting anything in return cultivates a culture of mutual trust and respect.
âžœSituation: Proactively offer assistance or share insights to help your colleagues.
➜Script: "I see you’re working on [project/task]. I have some resources from a similar project I worked on that might be helpful for you."
PS: Trust Is Hard-Earned, Easily Lost, Difficult To Reestablish...Yet Absolutely Foundational.
Image Credit: BetterUp . com