A SPIRITUALITY & HEALTH E-BOOK

Conquering
Anxiety
Contents
Sometimes things happen in the
world that we have no control over.
We can, however, work on how we react
to unexpected crises. Discover tips,
practices, and strategies to help you tap
into your internal calm.

5 New Ways to Fight Anxiety . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3

A Spiritual Approach to Anxiety . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5
6 Ways to Deal with Nighttime Anxiety . . . . . . . . . 8
How Listening to Your Gut Can Curb Anxiety . . 10
Train Your Nervous System for Calm . . . . . . . . . . 12
18 Affirmations for When
You’re Overwhelmed . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14
Keys to Unlock the Wisdom of Anxiety . . . . . . . . 16

All photography courtesy

gettyimages.com

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5 New Ways to
Fight Anxiety
Do you experience low levels of anxiety daily?
Try these five tips to help find regular stress relief.

BY KATHRYN DRURY WAGNER

ARE YOU FEELING ANXIOUS LATELY? Aren’t we all? As the New York

Times recently noted, “Anxiety is easy to dismiss or overlook, partially
because everyone has it to some degree.” To be human is to be anxious, at
least on some level. Anxiety can rise to the point where it becomes con-
sidered a disorder, such as panic disorder or social phobias, and medical
attention can help. But what to do about garden-variety, lower levels of
anxiety? You may have tried the chamomile tea, the lavender oil, and the
meditation already, so for this week’s Healthy Habits, here are five more
novel ways to tamp down daily anxiety.  

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1 4
Try shankpushpi. Ayurvedic medicine turns Get a coach. Soccer players have coaches,
to this herb for its support of the central entrepreneurs have coaches, and yes, there
nervous system, as a brain tonic, basically. are coaches for people with anxiety. You can
It is often used to relieve stress and anxiety. find one in your area doing one-on-one or
The herb is available in preparations as a tea, group sessions. Another option is a podcast
syrup, powered or in juice. by a coach. Try “Not Another Anxiety Show”

2
or “The Anxiety Coaches Podcast.” Recent
Ride a horse. A 2015 study looked at partic-
topics include “Where Did Your Beliefs
ipants in equine-assisted therapy programs.
About Anxiety Come From?” and “4 Steps
They were working with horses for six weeks,
to Avoid Anxiety by Being Aware of Your
in two-hour sessions. By the final session,
Expectations.”

5
participants reported less generalized anx-
iety and better coping mechanisms, such as Rolfing. Rolfing, or structural integration, is
using less alcohol. known for freeing up muscle movement, but

3
a lesser touted benefit includes anxiety relief.
Boost magnesium. Nearly 70 percent of
As with massage, rolfing can help reduce
Americans are deficient in this mineral,
stress, anxiety and depression. It lowers
according to a 2016 meta-review of magne-
blood pressure, aids in restful sleep and
sium and anxiety. Foods high in magnesium
improves immune function. S&H
include kelp, almonds and brown rice, or
you can take a supplement. The daily dose
recommended varies by gender and age, so
check with your doctor to ensure your levels
are optimal.

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A
Spiritual
Approach
to Anxiety
Approaching anxiety with self-compassion and
mindfulness may help you reach peace.

BY KEVIN ANDERSON PHD, PSYCHOTHERAPIST

HAVE YOU EVER had a smoke detector that kept going off, maybe because
it was too close to all that intentionally or unintentionally blackened
food you whip up in your kitchen? Or maybe it kept chirping because its
battery was low. We rely on smoke detectors to warn us when there is a
serious problem. We can put up with a few false alarms, but no one wants
to live in a house with a smoke detector going off every few minutes. Yet,
that’s what it’s like to live with persistent anxiety.
Our brains have a “smoke detector” called the amygdala. Its job is to
keep a constant lookout for danger. It’s been shaped by millions of years
of evolution. Our ancestors were the ones that survived long enough to
propagate, thanks in no small part to their vigilant amygdalas. We are,
it turns out, genetically predisposed to be chronic worriers!

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Our amygdalas, however, can become trigger-happy
and signal danger too often for us to be at peace in our
own skin. Tragic world news, a nagging health con-
cern, tension with a loved one, fears about children,
daily traffic, an overstuffed to-do list, and old wound
reopened by a difficult interaction—all of these and
more can loop through our brains and trigger our alarm
systems many times per day. How can we live in an anx-
iety-provoking world with a brain evolved to be vigilant
for danger and live anywhere close to inner peace?
First, it’s important to realize that trying to solve the
problem of anxiety so that you’re almost always at peace
is a recipe for more anxiety. Anxiety is not a solvable
problem. We don’t expect to eat a meal and solve our
hunger pangs once and for all. Why, then, should we
expect some sort of medicinal or spiritual breakthrough
that puts us beyond the reach of anxiety forever? Not
even Buddha or Jesus claimed that they were so spiri-
tually advanced that they were able to banish anxiety
from their experience. A spiritual approach to anxiety
starts with accepting that it is part of being human. 
A few miles from where I live a major bridge over a
wide river is being replaced. The new bridge is begin- We can’t just tear that
ning to take form alongside the old one. When the system down because we
new bridge is complete, traffic from the old one will be
diverted onto the new structure and then the old bridge
don’t like it. Instead, we
will be closed permanently. This is a good visual for can begin building a new
dealing with the anxiety of being human. The old bridge system alongside it.
represents our familiar, overused anxiety response
system. We can’t just tear that system down because
we don’t like it. Instead, we can begin building a new When anxiety shows up, a stream of anxious thoughts
system alongside it. This new system flows with non- and emotions begins to flow over the single, well-worn
judging acceptance of life as it is and a commitment to lane of the old bridge. What good is the new bridge to
choose our best responses to what triggers us, not our us when this happens? Instead of trying to stop the
fastest ones. flow over the old bridge, we can activate a different flow
The bridge metaphor needs to be tweaked a bit, over the new one. In fact, because we constructed the
however, because with anxiety we never really finish new bridge with two lanes, we can activate two different
building the new bridge and we never really perma- flows over it: top-down and bottom-up. The top-down
nently close down the old bridge. Instead, we live with flow is the intentional re-framing of anxiety-provoking
two, side-by-side systems: a tendency to trigger into thoughts. Instead of thinking, “Oh no, I just can’t take
anxiety and a way of being nonjudging and accepting of this today!” we can think, “This feels like too much,
the present even when anxiety is here. Even though we and I’m aware I feel like I can’t take it, but I accept the
can’t eliminate the old bridge, we can have a good deal moment as it is.” This is called mindfulness-based
of influence over which bridge is used most heavily. cognitive therapy (MBCT). As soon as we accept anxiety

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and surround it with nonjudgment, there is traffic If mindfulness practice were a medicine, the dosing
flowing over both bridges. The original anxiety is still instructions would say: Take as often as possible—the
present, but now we also have a flow of awareness, best dose is always more than you think you need!
acceptance, and nonjudgment. But who has the time to practice mindfulness all
When we’re anxious, we can also begin a bottom-up day? Here’s the trick: Begin to look at everything as
flow over the new bridge. This activates something practice. Every red light, every stressed thought, every
deeper than our top-down thoughts. When we begin to inner “should,” every irritating behavior of other
breathe slowly, especially if we have regularly practiced human beings—everything is practice. A period of
pairing breathing with a state of mindful acceptance, formal mindfulness practice each day helps you make
the body begins to move toward what researchers at the your brain more and more familiar with the connec-
HeartMath Institute call “psychophysiological synchro- tion between your breath and accepting, nonjudging
nicity.” This fancy term just means that as we surround thoughts. Formal practice is a great foundation for the
anxiety with acceptance and nonjudgment, the body new bridge. Looking at everything else in the day as
begins to realign its basic rhythms (such as heart rate informal practice puts pillars up to support the span
variability and blood pressure) in a way that leads to from waking to bedtime.
a bodily state that we experience as more calm and There’s one thought that may seem to have the power
centered. to topple the new bridge. It’s not what we think we’re
Stanford neurosurgeon James Doty, M.D. has afraid of that is the most anxiety-provoking, Susan
explained how mindfulness practice works to help us Jeffers says in Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. It’s the
live closer to peace. “The brain is basically a lazy organ,” thought If what I’m afraid of happens, I could never
he says. “It likes to keep doing what is most familiar to handle it that scares us the most. I could never handle
it. So if we want it to do some- it is the deepest fear of the
thing new, we need to make small, fear-based self. That fear
that new thing very familiar is like a huge truck that keeps
to it.” Doty’s words make it testing how strong our new
clear why we cannot just read bridge is. But we each have the
about mindfulness or attend an capacity to live from what I call
occasional mindfulness retreat the large self, the version of us
if we want it to affect our daily that is always aligned with the
life. The dose of our mindful- highest possible energies (or,
ness practice matters. The more if you prefer, God). Each time
familiar our brains and bodies we change I could never handle
are with pairing the breath with it to “My large self will accept
calming, accepting thoughts, life as it arises and respond
the more likely the new bridge from the highest possible
will carry the majority of the energies” we reinforce and
traffic when anxiety shows up. strengthen the new bridge. S&H

* This article is intended for information purposes only and is not intended
as a guide for any reader’s specific mental health situation. If you are strug-
gling with mental or emotional symptoms, see your physician for a physical
checkup and consult a mental health professional.

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6 Ways to Deal with
Nighttime Anxiety
Use these six tools to vanquish middle-of-the-night stress

BY KATHRYN DRURY WAGNER

WAKE UP! It’s 2:40 a.m., prime time for feeling panicky and dyspeptic.
Let’s ruminate! Let’s go over everything on the to-do list! Let’s feel over-
whelmed, maybe with a little side sauce of guilt. What’s that, brain? You
want to go deeper, ponder the very point of our lives? Sure… Until 4:55,
when we finally doze back off. Ugh. My internist told me that insom-
nia like this is sometimes caused by our brains being “too full,” which
certainly resonated with me. So, what to do with a too-full brain at 3
a.m.?  For this week’s Healthy Habit, let’s look at a few ways to deal with
anxiety that strikes in the wee hours.

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1 REPEAT A MANTRA
There is a mantra specifically for invoking
sleep. Try repeating Om Agasthi Shahina (Om
“Effectiveness of Aromatherapy in
Insomnia.” The trick is to have essential oils
ready, so that when monkey brain starts ping-
ing around at 3 a.m., you’re not stumbling in
Ah-gah-stee Shah-ee-nah).

2
the bathroom looking for your bottle of laven-
TRY AFFIRMATIONS der. Keep a bottle of aromatherapy spray near
Instead of freaking out—or trying to force the bed to spritz the pillow or linens. In times
sleep into your life, which will backfire, of severe restlessness, set up a diffuser before
gently steer your mind back to a calm state retiring for the night so it’s ready to go, and
with affirmations such as, “I fall asleep easily when the brain starts churning, flip on the
and naturally.” Or, “I love to sleep and do so fragrant mist. Ahh.

5
easily.”

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LIFE MANAGEMENT
FENG SHUI PLACEMENTS Don’t give an anxious mind any more fodder.
In order to sleep well, feng shui philosophy Avoid stressful tasks and topics right before
would be that you need to ensure the chi bed, such as paying bills, going over the
is flowing. Remove all clutter: paperwork, household budget with your partner, booking
books, digital devices. Cover computer a multi-leg flight, dealing with your moth-
monitors with a dark cloth. Dana Claudat, er-in-law, etc. Create a buffer zone prior to
of the blog “The Tao of Dana,” notes that any sleeping that is dedicated to relaxing activi-
lighting such as chandeliers should not be ties such as a hot bath, reading a good book or
hanging directly over the bed, and that some meditating.

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people find they sleep better if they remove
stored items from under their bed. Yep, that WHAT’S IN THE CABINET?  
“baggage” on your mind can be literal. An imbalance—either too much or too little—

4
of some vitamins, such as D and B, can cause
AROMATHERAPY sleep quality to erode. Check with your health
Lavender and bitter orange both improved care provider to ensure you’re getting the
the quality of sleep in studies, according to right levels, especially if you have started
a 2017 published review in the International taking a new medication or supplement.  S&H
Journal of Pharmaceutical Science called

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How Listening
to Your Gut Can
Curb Anxiety
Discover how creating balance in your gut can help to alleviate your anxiety.

BY SERENA POON

MOST OF US ARE pretty familiar with how anxiety feels HOW TO SUPPORT A HEALTHY GUT
in our body. When you have anxious thoughts, your body Your digestive tract is full of trillions of microorgan-
responds with a tightening in the stomach, nausea, gas, isms. These live organisms create an environment, not
heartburn, and indigestion. The connection between unlike a climate system on planet earth, in your intes-
your brain and your gastrointestinal tract goes the other tines. This internal ecosystem is referred to as the gut
way as well. If your digestive system is disrupted, it can microbiome, and plays a crucial role in how the body
send signals to your brain that may cause you to become functions. The health of this system guides the immune
anxious. This bidirectional connection is called the gut- system, delivers important nutrients and contributes to
brain axis.  healthy brain function and mood.
We are still learning a lot about the digestive system’s There are a lot of reasons your gut microbiome can
effect on the body and the mind, but what is coming become imbalanced. Diet, lifestyle, genetics, and envi-
to light through scientific research is that your gut is ronment can all contribute to gut health. A stressful
truly a center of immunity, mental agility, and vitality. period of time or a shift in diet for a few days can throw
Taking the time to foster a healthy gut is a great way to the fragile balance of this ecosystem off track. The good
improve digestive issues, emotional and mental ail- news is that balancing your gut microbiome may be as
ments, and overall health.  simple as changing your diet and lifestyle. 

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From a dietary perspective, there are many foods HOW TO AVOID AN UNHEALTHY GUT
that support a healthy gut microbiome that include:  The foods that wreak havoc in the gut tend to be
• A wide variety of fruits (in moderation) and common in the standard American diet, so it’s not so
vegetables (in abundance) surprising that so many people suffer from the symp-
toms of gut imbalance. Foods that lead to a sick diges-
• Whole grains
tive system include:
• Fibrous foods
• Fried foods
• Fermented foods
• Packaged foods
I almost always recommend probiotics and prebiot- • Alcohol
ics. Probiotics are concentrations of beneficial micro-
• Refined sugars
organisms and prebiotics are a type of fiber that feeds
probiotics. You can find both in either whole foods or in The consumption of too much of these foods can
supplement form.  disturb the delicate ecosystem of the digestive system,
Some food-based probiotics include: causing your body to take a turn toward disease. It is
• Kimchi possible that this imbalance will show up as chronic dis-
comfort, chronic disease, or mental illnesses—includ-
• Kefir
ing anxiety. It’s best to abstain from or moderate intake
• Sauerkraut
of these foods.
• Miso Making mindful changes to your diet can undoubt-
Some food-based prebiotics include: edly support your gut health and effectively reduce
symptoms like anxiety. It is also important to also look
• Apples
at any sort of wellness challenge from a holistic per-
• Flaxseed spective. Sleep, exercise, hydration, and stress levels
• Dandelion greens also play crucial roles in gut health for anxiety. A few
• Garlic approachable lifestyle changes that can help improve
your gut health and reduce anxiety symptoms are: 
• Onions
• Get at least 7-8 hours of sleep each night.
• Jerusalem artichokes
• Exercise, walk, or do some sort of movement every
If you are taking probiotics or prebiotics in supple-
day.  
ment form, be sure to consider the quality of the prod-
• Drink at least 100 ounces of water per day.
uct that you are purchasing—does the manufacturer
have integrity? Do they use organic ingredients? The • Practice meditation, gratitude and relaxation
efficacy and sourcing of the products are also important techniques.
considerations.  Once you begin to make some of these small changes,
If you are feeling anxious, you may also want to eat start to notice how you feel. What are the sensation
grounding foods. Foods like root vegetables and hearty in your digestive system? Has your energy increased?
soups can help to ease your anxious energy and allow What foods specifically work to ground your energy and
you to feel more centered. Yellow foods may also help which ones have the opposite effect? As you become
alleviate anxiety. The third chakra, located in the solar more in tune with your body, you will become more
plexus, guides empowerment and the gut. This chakra empowered to take charge of your overall energy and
is ruled by the color yellow. Eating foods such as lemon, well-being. S&H
squash, mangoes, and bananas can help balance your
energies in this chakra. 

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Train Your
Nervous System
for Calm
Explore two ways to access calm strength within ourselves.

BY KALIA KELMENSON

RECENTLY, ON A VERY GOOD DAY, I was talking to a friend about the

experience of feeling fantastically alive, and also having a deep sense of
calm. My well of patience felt bottomless and I was able to handle all of the
twists and turns the day handed me. 
A few days later, however, I was operating on less sleep, more caffeine,
and markedly less calm.
Turns out, we can all cultivate a sense of ‘still waters run deep’ within
ourselves. Rick Hanson, senior fellow of UC Berkley’s Greater Good
Science Center, describes how the ability to regulate our sense of inner
calm has great bearing on our ability to bounce back from life’s inevitable
setbacks. In his newest book, Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core
of Calm, Strength, and Happiness, he describes key capacities we can
hardwire into our nervous systems so we can better handle the stresses of
living in our fast-paced modern world.

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Hanson writes that we can meet our basic needs the internal dialogue we have around different
of safety, satisfaction and connection, by “recogniz- situations. Focusing on images can short-circuit
ing what’s true, resourcing ourselves, regulating our this internal, often negative feedback loop.
thoughts, feelings, and actions, and relating skillfully to
others and the wider world.” He explores capacities such RECOGNIZE PAPER TIGER PARANOIA
as grit, intimacy, generosity, and courage. At the core of We have evolved to have a heightened awareness of
regulating ourselves, he insists, is our ability to remain potential dangers. Our ancestors that did not fear
calm through the storms of life. the tiger that could be lurking in the tall grass did not
When our sympathetic nervous system is activated survive. Fear of the unknown, often showing itself as
by a real (or perceived) threat, we will generally have anxiety, is harmful to our health in the modern world.
one of three reactions: fear, anger, or helplessness. Hanson writes, “to feel safer, we need to stop inflating
Hanson explains, “because the need for safety is so threats and start recognizing all our resources. Then
vital, it’s equally vital that we regulate ourselves to meet we don’t have to be afraid of not being afraid.” Try these
pain and threats with calm strength.” When we can steps to harness runaway fear:
do this, we will be able to navigate whatever twists and • See threats clearly. Hanson suggests choosing
turns we face along the way. Here are two ways to access a worry—any worry. Try journaling or talking with
this calm strength within ourselves: someone about the following: How big is it—get
down to the nitty gritty, exploring the worry fully.
RELAXING AND CENTERING Then consider how likely it is to happen, and be
We all know how crazy life can get. Sometimes saying honest with yourself about the chances of this big
‘no’ to things is wise, but there will be times when we worry really happened. Next, consider how bad
need to keep going, maintaining our level of engage- it would actually be if it did happen. Finally, take
ment in life, but in a calmer way. To do this well, we have all that in. Hanson insists you will most likely be
to be able to access our parasympathetic nervous system relieved after this exercise, and that the scary,
(PNS), which governs our ability to relax, digest, and nebulous fear might not be that bad after all.
settle down. Hanson suggests that in order to “establish
• Once you see the problem from a truer
a calmer baseline for yourself plus recover more quickly
perspective, consider the resources you have to
after stress, set aside a few minutes or more to relax
handle it. Consider resources in your mind—inner
deeply many times a week.” He also suggests finding
strengths that you’ve harnessed to handle past
moments in your daily life, especially when things are
difficulties. Then mine resources in your body—
getting heated, to calm yourself down. Some ways to
ways you feel strong, capable and full of energy.
activate your parasympathetic nervous system are:
Finally, look to resources around you in the world—
• Extend the exhalation. Your exhalation and PNS friends, family, and mentors are all great places to
are closely linked, so by simply making your exhale draw strength from.
longer than your inhale, you activate your ability to
be calm. At the end of each of these processes, consider using
Hanson’s HEAL technique to access the full experience
• Release tension. You can focus on one body part,
of feeling calm and capable, and to effectively rewire
perhaps your jaw or your shoulders, and imagine
your brain’s response. Taking these steps to reshape our
your breath filling that space and draining away any
habitual patterns will support us in feeling more able to
tension in the exhale.
weather the invariable storms of life. S&H
• Use imagery. We have the ability to amplify and
lessen stress to a larger degree by how we handle

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18 Affirmations
for When You’re Overwhelmed
When your daily life starts feeling overwhelming, try these
affirmations to bring you back to center.

BY KATHRYN DRURY WAGNER

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR, they say. Poof! A wonderful new
burden has arrived, in the form of a promotion, a new job, a baby, or
planning an elaborate trip. Or perhaps the two tons of stress you’re
lugging about comes from a darker place, such as a toxic work envi-
ronment, caregiving for someone with dementia, or facing your own
medical challenges. But the sensation is the same: I can’t breathe. I am
buried. I am being swept out to sea. They call this, “the Overwhelm.”  

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In their book Organize Tomorrow Today, authors actually paralyzes action. Think about it: When people
Dr. Jason Selk and Tom Bartow discuss human mental are overwhelmed, they typically freeze. Self-doubt slows
“channel capacity”—that is, we can only handle so action.”
much information at a time. There’s a reason, they Doesn’t that make so much sense? That’s why we
note, that phone numbers are seven digits long. Any feel buried. That’s why we feel like we simply cannot
longer, and people can’t remember them. When we are breathe. We have frozen in place, our poor brains friz-
overwhelmed, whether it’s by a flood of data, or trying zled to a crisp.
to take care of a million details, or facing many choices, Now that we know the why, let’s use the powerful tool
we have exceeded our mental channel capacities, the of affirmations to deal with the Overwhelm. S&H
authors explain. “Saturating people with information

Today I am strong and healthy. I exude strength, grace and

flexibility.
I choose carefully what goes
onto my calendar.   Today I allow time for self-care
and rejuvenation.
I release the need to dwell on
bad feelings. I have faith that this will
all work out.
This too shall pass.
I am living in grace.
One task at a time is enough.
The right decisions are coming
I draw on the support that to me easily now.
surrounds me, in whatever form.
I don’t worry about other people’s
Peace and joy are filling my life. acceptance or opinions.
I am doing the best I can. Today I choose joy.
I release the need for perfection. I can communicate my needs
I choose to be calm and centered, and feelings.
regardless of the situation.

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4 Keys to Unlock the
Wisdom of Anxiety
Anxiety is not necessarily a handicap.
Make it work for you by recognizing the profound opportunity for awakening
that approaching anxiety from a mindset of respect invites.

BY SHERYL PAUL

A 60-YEAR-OLD MAN BOLTS AWAKE each morning at 3:00 a.m., worrying

about his financial future, even though he’s financially secure. A 7-year-old
girl worries that her parents will die. A 25-year-old woman ruminates that
she doesn’t love her boyfriend enough (even though he’s everything she’s
ever wanted in a partner). These are all people who are suffering from anxi-
ety. While most people know what anxiety feels like, they often have a hard
time describing what it is. Being able to define anxiety is one of the ways
that we contain and soothe it, for what we can name and identify holds less
charge than a nameless experience.

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Here’s my definition of anxiety: messenger of panic that it was time to begin the process
Anxiety is a feeling of dread, agitation, or forebod- of individuating and breaking through the layers of my
ing associated with a danger that does not exist in the conditioned self. I wouldn’t have expected the ER doctor
present moment. It can also be defined as a general and to say, “Welcome, you’ve just entered your dark night of
pervasive sense of dis-ease without an identified source. the soul.” But if he had sent me on my way with infor-
Anxiety, while often experienced in the body, is a head mation about what was happening, it would have been
state that keeps its prisoners trapped in the realm of easier for me to arrive at the why.
unproductive and fear-based thinking. Anxiety keeps
you on high alert, and at its core lies the belief that UNLOCKING ANXIETY
you’re not OK, that you’ll never be OK, and that you’re The first key to unlocking anxiety is to make a con-
not safe physically, emotionally, or spiritually. Anxiety scious shift from protecting against your pain, pushing
and trust are mutually exclusive. it away, and hating it to becoming curious about your
Anxiety is the catchall diagnosis du jour. Nearly inner world. This is not a one-time shift, but a daily,
everyone I know who has been sifted and sorted through if not hourly, reset—a reminder of setting the com-
the mainstream medical and psychological systems has pass of your intention to the dial of curiosity. In order
been diagnosed with a generalized anxiety disorder. to do this, it’s essential to understand that the initial
And it’s not that mainstream doctors and therapists are thought—be it “What if I don’t love my partner?” or
wrong: Most people are, indeed, suffering from anxiety, “What if I hurt my baby?” or “What if I have a termi-
and the official criteria that qualify someone as having nal illness?”—is the distress flare; it’s your inner self
an anxiety disorder—as outlined in the Diagnostic sounding the alarm bell. It’s all the parts of you that you
and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (known swept into the basement of your psyche—the messy,
in psychological circles as the DSM)—is very close to dark parts that struggle with uncertainty and lack of
the definition I shared above. While I agree with most control, clamoring for your attention. It has become
components of the psychologically accepted definition overcrowded down there, and it’s time they come out. If
of anxiety, where I diverge is in how I understand and you take the thoughts at face value instead of becoming
work with it. I don’t see it as a “disorder” at all, for when curious about the deeper messages, you will miss the
we refer to anxiety as a disorder, we label ourselves opportunity for healing. But when you recognize the
with the stamp of “problem” and fail to recognize the thought as an alarm bell, you can become curious about
profound opportunity for awakening that approaching the places inside that need your attention.
anxiety from a mindset of respect invites. When we For example, a coaching client scheduled a session to
see anxiety as evidence of something “wrong” we miss talk about her conflict around moving back to her home
the wisdom, the metaphors, and the opportunities for country with her husband and six-month-old baby or
growth encased in its symptoms. staying in the United States. The recurring thought,
Again, as commonplace as the word anxiety is which sounded like We should move back, otherwise my
in today’s world, many people don’t know what the daughter will grow up to be a horrible human being, had
thoughts, feelings, and sensations are that indicate anx- been elevated to a place of obsession where it domi-
iety. (See the box “Manifestation of Anxiety.”) And that nated her thoughts, night and day, and was causing an
lack of understanding leads to more anxiety. If someone immense amount of anxiety and aloneness. Taken at
had told me, the night I ended up in the ER after my first face value, her conflict seemed reasonable enough: She
panic attack, that I was suffering from anxiety, it would wanted her daughter to be raised around her extended
have saved me months of agony—on top of the initial community—her mother, sisters, and cousins—the way
agony of trying to figure out what was wrong with me. she herself had been raised. Instead, she was raising her
Of course, there was nothing wrong with me; my soul daughter in the isolation of a big city.
had just brilliantly sent me the message through the But when a question becomes obsessive and

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17
fear-based, as evidenced by the fear that her daughter
would grow up to be a horrible person if they didn’t Key #1
move home, we know we’re in the realm of anxiety—and
that the question itself carries storehouses of gold that BECOME CURIOUS BY NOTICING AND NAMING
need our attention. If we try to answer the question— Begin by taking 15 to 20 minutes to write down what
making lists of pros and cons, asking people for advice, anxiety feels like and how it manifests for you. Be curi-
obsessively thinking about it—we remain caught in our ous! Remind yourself that anxiety is not your enemy but
heads. We not only miss the deeper wisdom about our- your messenger, and begin to inquire what messages it
selves that is waiting to be gleaned, but we also eclipse wants to deliver.
the opportunity to find true direction based on deeper The first step toward breaking free from anxiety is
knowing. As Einstein famously said, “No problem can to notice when it appears, and then name how it shows
be solved from the same level of consciousness that cre- up for you. To encourage the mindset of curiosity, ask
ated it”—meaning that when we try to find an “answer” yourself questions like: Where do I feel anxiety in my
about an anxiety-related question from an anxious body? What thoughts or themes are connected to my
place, we only create more anxiety. anxiety now and in the past? What is my first memory
For the first part of the session, I encouraged my of anxiety? How was my sensitivity and then my anxiety
client to take her focus off the presenting question. handled by my caregivers as a young person?
This was difficult to do, since she had been perseverat- Every time an anxious thought or feeling arises,
ing on the question for months, so she had developed name it out loud by saying, “Anxiety. That’s an intrusive
well-worn neural pathways in her brain that reinforced thought.” If you can, make notes throughout the day
the message that answering it was a matter of life and when you notice your anxiety. The notes section of your
death. This is how anxiety works: It hooks into a ques- phone works well to this end, but keeping a handwritten
tion or theme like a dog with a bone, and you become journal is even better.
hell-bent on answering it in the belief that if you could
only answer this one question, you would find peace.
But as we spiraled in and dropped down out of the
Key #2
realm of thoughts, my client began to make connec-
BECOME COMPASSIONATE
tions. She could see that the thought had taken on
The second key element in finding healing is to learn
mythic proportions the moment she got pregnant—as
to meet your anxiety with compassion. This means
often happens in transitions—and she could see many
replacing the lifelong habit of responding to your
areas embedded in the thought that needed her atten-
difficult feelings and experiences with shame with a
tion. These included her grief about being far from
kinder response that allows you to be wherever you are.
home; a layer of sadness that she had moved away 10
Given that most people received the message growing
years earlier to preserve her sense of self; the longing
up that difficult feelings are “bad” and are to be ignored,
to return home as a metaphor for her longing to return
shamed, or silenced, this isn’t an easy task. But for now,
to her internal home as she made sense of some pain-
I would like to teach you one of the most effective prac-
ful aspects of her childhood; her grief about leaving
tices for reversing the habit of pushing away unwanted
her daughter to go back to work; and more. Once she
feelings and meeting yourself with kindness— the
attended to these areas, she could make a decision based
Buddhist practice of Tonglen, which was introduced
on clarity instead of frantic anxiety. Once the messages
to this country by the American Buddhist nun Pema
encased in anxiety are discovered, the initial thought
Chödrön.
dissolves and clarity is achieved.

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18
This on-the-spot practice is very simple. Breathe in MANIFESTATIONS
what we normally think of as “not wanted” and breathe OF ANXIETY
out what’s wanted or, as Pema Chödrön teaches on her
website, “When you do Tonglen on the spot, simply INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS
breathe in and breathe out, taking in pain and sending
What if I’m with the wrong partner?
out spaciousness and relief.” What’s so powerful about
this practice is that it goes against how we habitually What if I’ve missed my calling?
respond to painful feelings, so when we practice it over What if I hurt someone?
time, we retrain our minds to accept and even welcome What if I hurt a child?
pain and fear (in all their manifestations).
What if the world ends?
Next, see if you can connect to the second step of
Tonglen: Breathe into the pain of everyone else on the
SOMATIC SYMPTOMS
planet who is feeling lonely, sad, disappointed,
overwhelmed, and heartbroken at this very moment, tightness in chest
and breathe out love and connection. If you think you’re constricted throat
the only one having a hard time with life, think again. shallow breath
In some strange and beautiful way, we’re all in this
antsy feeling in body—like you can’t sit still
together, and when you can connect to the invisible web
of heart-strands that connect us in pain and in beauty, insomnia
something opens up inside and anxiety quiets down. dry mouth

Key #3
headaches—including pressure in the head
muscle aches
general feeling of dis-ease
USE MEDITATIVE QUESTIONS
rapid heartbeat
TO HELP YOU SLOW DOWN
The third key for healing from anxiety is to carve out sweating
time and space every day to slow down into stillness. pit in stomach
We cannot decipher the messages of anxiety when we’re digestion issues
moving at light speed, for the soul moves in organic
lightheadedness
time, not technological time. When we fill every free
moment with busyness, work, distractions, perpetual
BEHAVIORAL SYMPTOMS
motion, texting, talking, listening to music, scrolling,
clicking, and watching, we lose our capacity to hear anger
and connect with our inner selves. In fact, one of the irritation
messages that anxiety brings is an alarm bell that says, addiction
“Slow down! I can’t hear myself think. I have no time for
perfectionism
self-reflection. When I lose touch with my inner world, I
don’t know who I am, and I feel anxious.” Our culture is incessant talking
moving faster by the day, and our souls can’t keep up. compulsive rituals, including online activity,
You can slow down for a brief pause, where you in an attempt to seek reassurance
engage in a mindful moment, like at a stop light when
you choose to breathe deeply and notice your surround-
ings instead of checking your phone or changing the

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19
What might happen if, at the day’s end,
I pause at an open window long enough
to look up into the night sky and receive
the wisdom of the moonlight?

music. You can slow down for longer periods, like at needs to be sung, the sweet tears of grief that are wait-
the beginning and end of each day when you take time ing to fall into your cupped hands.
to journal, meditate, or simply be in quiet reflection. The fourth key, and one that helps you shift into
Part of the work of breaking free from anxiety includes curiosity and develop more self-compassion, is to set
positive action, like committing to the practices that I the dial of your inner compass to gratitude. This means
teach, and some of it includes taking time to slow down being grateful not only for the obvious blessings that
into a space of nourishing silence and literally doing abound in your life, but also for the challenges. As
nothing, like sitting next to a tree or lying in the grass Brother David Steindl-Rast shares in his audio series
without your phone in sight. In the space of stillness, A Grateful Heart: “Coming alive is becoming alert and
the keys of curiosity and compassion constellate as aware to the thousands and thousands of blessings that
allies to aid you on your journey of healing. we receive—even on a day on which we have to go to the
From a place of curiosity, ask yourself: dentist or on a day we are really sick.”
What happens if I take time to sit under the umbrella
of a sacred moment? When, instead of taking a photo of
the moment and posting it on Instagram, I listen fully
Key #4
to my solitude and silence until I can hear the raindrops
BECOME GRATEFUL FOR THE GIFT IN ANXIETY
of my soul watering my own soil?
It’s through our challenges that we learn and grow the
What happens if, when I wake up in the morning—
most, which means embedded in every anxious feeling
when my eyelids slowly, achingly open to meet the
or intrusive thought, hidden inside the nightmare of
morning light—instead of reaching for my phone to
a panic attack and the grueling path of insomnia, are
scroll and click, I reach for the dream image that is still
diamonds that, when properly mined, lead to healing
playing on the edges of consciousness before the image
and serenity. This can be difficult to imagine at the
evaporates like bubbles in air?
outset of your journey. But every course member and
What might happen if, at the day’s end, I pause at an
client I’ve worked with who has embraced this path of
open window long enough to look up into the night sky
approaching their anxiety with the keys of curiosity,
and receive the wisdom of the moonlight? What secrets
compassion, and stillness comes back to say, “I didn’t
might she whisper down on silver threads?
believe you when you said that I would feel grateful for
What happens is that you come face-to-face with
my anxiety, but I really do. Meeting my anxiety in this
yourself in this moment, in present time. In those brief
way has brought me home to myself in ways I couldn’t
moments of silence and solitude, you meet your pain.
begin to imagine when I was in the thick of it.” The same
Yes, these are the parts of you that you’ve stuffed away
can be true for you.
because they were deemed unlovable in early years, but
also, if you can dare to imagine, they are your places of
light: the poem that longs to be written, the song that

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20
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