tut 74 Paonia red ay Ve aN E Ruan) ed £5.99 PNonrrtetes Deed Be resis Preece canon ty Na Ce crt a rere romant ee gee oe Moe ae RM OM eal sea eles) | Ps RE,“The whole point is to live life and be — to use all the colours in the crayon box RUPAULWhat lies beneath? Have you ever been told to ‘be like a ‘swan’? It’s a common analogy where the intention is to appear lke a graceful ‘swan, gliding along the surface of the water, while undemeath (and out of sight) you're pacing frantically. Its supposed to represent the elegance and excellence of a person making everything seem effortless, while working hard behind the scenes. And while its often used to encourage teadership qualities, its a metaphor that came to mind while collating this issue with regard to the expectations and pressures, both extemal and internal, on ‘our mental health, Whether its self-enforced fear of judgement, or persistant stigma in society, while strides might have been, made in normalising mental health conversations, there remains an expectation to wear a mask, day-to-day, ‘and not reveal your true mental state to the world, To only ask for help in a crisis, and somehow find a way to muddle along in the meantime. This can arise when faced with the dreaded 'So, what do you do?’ question, while taking time off work for your ‘mental health (p21), or in forcing yourself to maintain a level of normalcy with high-functioning depression hiding in plain sight (p15). But what these articles reinforce is that you don't have to feel ashamed of your experience or disguise your Feelings in the shadows. Throughout this edition, we're emphasising the stigma-smashing ways to break free from this metaphorical ‘swan ideal, and instead accept that its OK to not be unflappable, With this in mind, our expert columnist shares how to open up your throat chakra to enable you to align your head and heart as you express yourself fuly (p56). And our feature on chosen family encourages you to ‘find your tribe’ as a mental wellbeing support network (p66) Brené Brown said: “Vulnerability like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage arent always comfortable, but they're never weakness: If you take one thing away from this issue, know this: you don't have to put ona brave face. In fact, the bravest thing you can do is to be honest, and authentically you. You don't have to be fine all the time, and working on yourself is commendable, And when you share that, you pave the way for others to step out of the shadows, too. Happy reading, a REBECCA THAIR| EDITOR-IN-CHIEF sounds ‘At Happiful, inclusivity, representation, and creating ‘a happier, healthier society are at the forefront of our mission, To find out more about our social and environmental pledges, visit happiful.com/pledges W|happifulcom F | happitulhg X | @happifulng 1 | @happifuL magazineThe full picture 12 What is the bystander effect? Do you feel frozen to the spot during ‘emergencies or high stake times? 39 Volunteer yourself Give back ina way that works for you 46 Life in colour ‘What can we lea from the use ‘of colourin cutture and history 61 Alin the therapy room What are the pros and cons? 73 Having a kick about How adult football lessons are helping one community navigate lifes challenges 80 Can you reverse your habits? Discover the tools you can use to unlearn unwanted behaviours Food & health 28 Eat well with neurodiversity 30 What is an arthritis diet? Wellbeing Nutritional tips from an expert to help with managing this condition 15 Hiding in plain sight ee The signs of high functioning Try these refreshing mocktails depression you coum las) 64 Dealing with health anxiety 27 Navigating unemployment Solutions for the short and long-term —_‘TIPs for dealing with questions while youre not working Try this at home 325 ways to deal with trauma Discover the options available 55 How to respond to an insult 42 Pushing past gymtimidation 72Challenge yourself to a puzzle Michelle Elman reveals what works forher 83 It’s your turn Embrace the power of movernent 50 Collecting or hoarding?Relationships 51 z 7q » a 24 Isit love or limerance? How can you spot the signs of this destructive feeling? 27 Questions for building trust 44 Sharing bad news with kids Expert tips on how to navigate difficult conversations 66 Our chosen family Taking inspiration from the LGBTGIA® cemrunty 0 cutate our ment Expert health support networks review Every issue of Happifulis reviewed by an accredited counsellor, to ensure we Culture deliver the highest quality 7.Good news content while handling topics sensitively. 11 The wellbeing wrap The demands of life can pullus in many different 35 Your next good read directions - some willingly, ‘and some not so willingly. 76 Try something different However, when required, it's Eiacienleerisctoracia Positive pointers | ycting the demands of others. Check out p78 to eae eaieTea ert fae aae toe and focused manner. The aren with the self, the greater eae at fete with the world and others. It's Recaro 18 How to be an ecotourist 36 Inspired by nature How the world around us can nurture our creativity 51 What is ‘giggle parentin: 56 Chakras for communication Our expert columnist shares tips Mm, RAVSEKHON 69 Keep it cool OD ee a Whats behind the ice bath trend? samen 78 How to master solitude CEEHappiful Community VJ HAMILTON Our team eos Meet the tearn of experts VJisa registered nutritionést ‘EDITORIAL providing information, — a Rebecca Thair | Editor-in-Chief Kattyyn Wheeler | Features Editor Lauren Bromiey-Bid|Etvial Assistant ‘Bonnie Evi itfra Kat Nicholls | Snior Writers ‘guidance, and insight throughout this issue ANDREA TIBBITTS ‘ecky Barham | Content & Marketing Ofcer ARE EES uc fesronsicisrienvece | Michele Eman, Nita Taira Ctra Covina brentwood Acai araatontip Elon eae | Hand of Content icebathfacitater ard ee Keith Howit | Sub-Edtor NIKITA THAKRAR Nikita a mutfacete teacher people to fn tha ite pura. Fav Sekhon | Expert Advisor ARTRDESIGN ‘Amy-Jean Burns | Head of Product & Marketing CChavotte Noe! | Creative Lead MINALSUDRA osan Magar | Mustrator Videographer Malis a rutitonal therapist | COMMUNICATIONS {and trauma-informed ‘Alice Greedus| PR Manager wellbeing coach Emily Whitton | Marketing Coordinator ‘CONTRIBUTORS Frena PetcherRei Kai Conbea, yaa Wiking CCaoire Buterwick, Laura Cooke Jenna Farmer, {a Green Kate Orson Rebekah Cally Mina Suda Deg se GEORGINASTURMER ANNE TERRY “amie Wc Een Manin ery aw Georgina san ntegrave Liame'sapesorceried | SPECINLTHANKS sanelor hang clorts oursclorttherpererce | Ares Tsbts Va Haren Joe ater Sroatea mere coniert ie aeressarangeot sas ‘Sah when ng Van Goo Gecrsia Stuer Fora Van 2 Uae Try, Saretines MANAGEMENT ‘im Maunder | Decor & Co-Founder DRJOE BARKER SARAH WHEELER Erna Huey |Dector Co-Founder fees chytony cat rnc Pau Manders | Droctor&\Co Founder Dr Barer chartered lic! Sah is rk master ycogs separ fencer yopetanher ‘SUBSCRIPTIONS Yeon wahtimna, andsat-hep ater Fornew order nd back rr vst Soprapplcam or eal Newstandon saz ontee7 277240" ema ‘Rbenquiter@newestnd cous contact INGRID VAN OOSTROM FIONA VAN YL apis clo Memih Bung 8 ‘NeeFanaenDe F800 ravcaptotacrsinese | Rherde Woy, Comber, Suey, GUIS 2¥L Ingriis a life coach helping Fiona is a drematherapist Feds ot eieteeeiicom. tndtzacher working wath atanes HAPPFULFADALY Hebing you ind the help you neo Couns Drectory Life Coach Deectory, Hypnotherapy Directory, Nustiorist Resource, ; ‘herpy Breton Join the Happiful Expert Panel Py Prectony ‘Are you a wellbeing expert with valuable insight to share? Happiful professional membership includes opportunities to be WORLD featured in our award-winning magazine LAND Discover how to join by emailing us at TRUST™ professionals@happifulcom serncanbaacedpepecomThe Upli ‘SUPPORT ‘Get Back!’ Book revives The Beatles’ story for fans with dementia Musics an incredibly powerful force, particularly for those with dementia. It can spark memories, and happy thoughts and feelings, even when so much else has been lost. So, for those who also enjoyed reading throughout their lives, bringing music and stories together seemed like the natural thing to do for one specialist book publisher. Looking back at... The Beatles is a new book from publisher Cognitive Books, developed in collaboration with the Alzheimer’s Society, which focuses on the story of the world- famous band The Beatles. Using familiar stories, rhyme and rhythm for recall, and illustrations to bring the story to life, each page is designed to be like a story in itself, in order to make the reading experience a relaxing and enjoyable one. With accessi in mind, there is also an audiobook version narrated by actor Bill Nighy. Matt Singleton is the founder of Cognitive Books, and author of Looking back at... The Beatles, and shares how his decision to found Cognitive Books came about after seeing his own father, who loved reading, became unable to read as his condition progressed. “I desperately searched for books that would be more ble for him to enjoy.” Matt says. “But I came up with nothing, Given my knowledge of dementia, and innovation due to both my masters’ degree in gerontology, and work, I seized the opportunity to solve the problem and that’s how the idea of Cognitive Books was born?” “Looking back at... The Beatles’ is out now, and available to order {rom shop alzheimers.org.uk happifutcom | Issue 87|7. ne 4TECH Could internet use actually be good for our wellbeing? It can be easy to point to the internet as the source of alot of our problems these days. Comparison traps, information overload, negativity biases, and countless other negative features, are closely associated with our internet culture. But is there another side to this story? Ina new study by the Oxford Internet Institute (OID, that used data from 168 countries, findings showed that those who had internet access, or actively used the internet, reported greater levels of life satisfaction and social wellbeing. ‘The researchers gathered data between 2006 and 2021 from more than two million individuals worldwide, aged between 15 and 99. They looked at eight indicators of wellbeing, including life satisfaction, daily negative and positive experiences, and community wellbeing. In 85% of cases, there were associations between internet connectivity and wellbeing that were positive. However, in the 5% of cases where it was negative, this experience was most observed among young ‘women aged 15 to 24~a finding that is consistent with other research, ‘which has found links between increased internet usage and depressive symptoms among young women and teenage girls. ‘The research comes at a time when governing bodies across the ‘world are looking into new laws in response to concerns abaut online safety. Following the findings inthis study, the researchers called for lawmakers to consider the data before rushing into any decisions. And while there are still many ways in which internet usage can negatively affect us, with the right guidance and considered safety measures in place, it appears it can be a positive force for many. happifuicom | sue 87|9BIPOLAR Could the discovery of a k between bipolar and hypersexuality help fight stigma? Accordingto research published in ‘The Lancet Psychiatry, conducted by charity Bipolar UK, there isa link between bipolar and hypersexual behaviour - and the discovery could be key to supporting hundreds of thousands of people in the UK. Ina survey of 1,500+ people with bipolar, 88% of respondents HEALTH had experienced the symptom of hypersexual behaviour, which suggests this could also impact the ‘majority ofthe 1 million UK people ‘who live with the condition, Defined as an ‘unusual or excessive concern with or participation in sexual activity, researchers explain that people with bipolar may experience hhypersexual behaviours as part of hypomania or a manic episode ~ times when they are more likely to take risks, But the research is being warmly welcomed by the charity, which believes it will come as reassurance to many who felt guilt or shame around this symptom, Robot car delivers joy to children in hospital ‘Undergoing surgery can be really scary, especially for children. But, a team of highly intelligent researchers have developed something that will make the experience less intimidating, and the driving force behind it? A robot car. Accordingto a study conducted by Sant Joan de Déu Barcelona Children’s Hospital, six out of 10 young patients who undergo surgery experience stress before receiving anaesthesia, While pharmacological strategies are used to ease this, the side-effects can cause the experience to be more stressful. ‘Working with the hospital to explore alternative solutions, researchers from the Universitat Oberta de Catalunya developed a robot car as an initiative to 10} sue 87 |happifulcorn reduce feelings of fear and anxiety. This innovative product can detect the emotions of the children by their facial expressions, heart rate, and breathing patterns, while adapting to their needs by interacting with them, changing colour, making music, and creating smells. It was tested in a pilot study of 86 children aged between three and nine from 2020 to 2023, and received positive feedback from both the children and their parents. Speaking fondly of this, paediatric nurse Carmen Jerez, said: “It gave the children the feeling of control, and having an active role in the process without realising it, ina way that was fun.” ‘Though it has been put on hold while itawaits funding to develop anew prototype, its clear that this technology is capable of revolutionising the wellbeing support of children in healthcare settings.Wellbeing wrap e ‘SPOKE-TACULAR NEWS Thecityofloveseemstohave And relax. ‘found anew adoration for Feel guilty for taking a ‘lazy day’? Well stop ‘cycling, asa study reports that right there, because there's scientific evidence more people now travel by bike _ it's good for you! A paper by Yale University suggests ‘than car in the centre of Paris! scheduling in some time to take it easy is essential, ‘The urban planning agency, ideally at least once a week, asit can help to reduce Institut Paris Region, revealed stress, high blood pressure, and increase creativity that, while walking (53.3%) and __ So, put those feet up, and that to-do list down. public transport (30%) remain ‘the most popular methods of The worlds largest ‘CO2 Scientists have made a breakthrough travelin the capital Parisians vacuur, based in celand, inthe fight against brain cancer. use bikes for 112% of theirtrios has beentumedon! Researchers from the University Vearsforjust 43% Seems ike itsbelievedit can suck of Florida taled a personalised ‘city on the right trackwithits 36,000 tons of carbon out brain cancer vaccine, which triggers travel priorities. ofthe air each year. the immune system to attack the cisease -noting that a response was ens seen withinjust two days! This intial groundbreaking gene therapy treatment has helped Mae uss Nestaed sds restore hearing in a girl who was born deaf. Opal ‘and so further research is lined up ‘Sandy, 18-months old from Oxfordshire, was bom EA eee uaa Sg) with auditory neuropathy and is the first patient to ‘Cure for cancer in the future. receive this treatment, offering promising possibilities ee err aemrags Read all about it France, Spain, and Italy with similar conditions. NDN Book Ciub, a non-profit literary organisation run by and for Indigenous people, hit the road in WeAre ‘April to distribute 10,000+ books Survivors, a A round of ap-paws _inNew Mexico. The charity’ pink ‘% Manchester- The annualComedy Pet truck was on amission to both basedcharty “gO Photo Award celebrates the support Indigenous writers, and looking to Joyandiaughterouranimal _helpimprove literacy inthe Navajo createsafespacesfor__iendsbringinto our homes Nation withthe fre books, maleincusing wronsond | andives, withthis years. along with donations gathered rnon-binary) survivors of finalists including windy by sponsor 4KINSHIP distributed Sexalabuse,expbotation, | pups, gufawing donkeys, across the reservation and a huge andrape.hasrevesled “_gndmiachievouscats Vist increase on the 000 given out ce Charity so says hatin Nene QS, NOWTHATS WHATYOU the fist two weeks of the S@] caapawn chorus launchof the Netix show From the chip of a Baby Reindeer, 53% of all IT'S NOT HOW OLD YOU blackbird in the classic sor referalsckimedthe show ARE... Its how old you feel.A | by The Beatles, torinin Aone was the main reason they study in the journal Psychology _Grandes'POV, nature can play @ See eesting ond Aatng found that ‘old age special arin musio— and now its Rohittingtopesin being perceived as starting finally being recognised, Artists can lst mainstream mediacan _[ater in life by middle-aged and “Nature's a featured artist, which fawapottiveimpact and older adults, compared to those means. share ofthe royalties wil connect peoplewith the indecades past.It’sa sure sign go toenvironmental causes. support they need, that ages just a number. That's music to our ears. >What is the bystander effect? Why do some people find it hard to take action when it's needed the most? ave you ever felt frozen to the spot during a tense moment, or in an ‘emergency? Or hesitant to step in and take action, more like an extra passing through the scene than a featured actor? If ‘0, you may have experienced the ‘bystander ‘effect’ ~a social psychological theory that proposes that individuals are less likely to step up to offer help to another when other people are around. ‘The theory was first proposed back in 1964, in light of the murder of Kitty Genovese, a 28-year-old woman who was assaulted and killed outside the apartment building she lived in, Following the murder, The New York ‘Times published an article which claimed that 38 people witnessed the attack, yet none of them called the police or stepped up to help hher- though this was called into question later. But from this incident, the bystander effect (also sometimes called ‘Genovese syndrome’ after Kitty Genovese) became a regularly studied and debated phenomenon in the field of psychology. tthe time, the concept ofthe bystander effect was popularised by social psychologists 12 |Issue 87 | happifulcom Bibb Latané and John Darley. Ultimately, they believed that the bystander effect was caused by two facts. Firstly, the diffusion of responsibility, meaning that because there are more people there is less personal responsibilty placed on an individual, which ‘means they feel less inclined to take action, or believe itis unnecessary as someone else will, ‘The second is social influence, when we take ‘our prompts from others’ behaviour - ifno one else is doing anything, why should you? But in order to develop a better ‘understanding of what was happening, Latané ‘and Darley carried out a series of experiments to test the bystander effect in non-emergency situations. In one, subjects asked a bystander for their name, with more people sharing their name when the participant gave their ‘own first. In another, participants asked people for a 10 cent coin, with the number of people giving them one increasing when the participants gave a reason, such as saying their wallet had been stolen. Latané and Darley went on to propose that there are five characteristics of emergencies that can trigger the bystander effect... >>the full picture happifulcom | ssue 87 13,+ Emergencies that involvea threat of harm or actual harm, + Emergencies that are unusual and rare. + When the type of action required in an emergency differs from situation to situation, + Emergencies that cannot be predicted or expected. + Emergencies that require immediate action, physical - offering a different perspective to Latané and Darley's early research. And in 2016, a study published in Psychology of Violence found that ‘highly masculine’ subjects were less likely to take action to help the victim than more feminine subjects. But whatever itis thats happening in our minds when we're faced with an emergency, 6¢ Having an awareness of the phenomena may be enough to prevent you from falling into it And when the bystanders are in this situation, they then go through a cognitive and behavioural process: notice something is going on; interpret the situation as being an emergency; degree of responsibility felt; recognise the form of assistance; implement the action choice. all these factors play a role in whether action is then taken, Since the work of Latané and Darley, much more research into the bystander effect has taken place - shaping our understanding of why and how it might happen. In 2011, a ‘meta-analysis of the bystander effect published in the journal Psychological Bulletin found that the bystander effect was actually reduced when situations were perceived as dangerous, perpetrators were present, and the cost of intervening was 14| Issue 87] happifulcom getting trapped in the bystander effect can come with feelings of guilt and regret. So, how can you become an active bystander instead? To begin with, just having an awareness of the phenomena may be enough to prevent you from automaticaly falling into it as you rebel against inaction. But the first thing you might want to do isto look into what precisely you should do in common emergency situations. You will already know to call 999 for police, ambulance, and the fire service, but its also worth being aware of being able to text the British Transport Police (on 61016 for crime prevention or reporting an incident that has taken place on public transport. ‘You may also wish to brush up ‘on your first aid skills so that you have the necessary knowledge to step in where appropriate. The British Red Cross offers courses and online workshops, as well as information on their site at redeross.org.tk The same goes for growing your awareness of how to step in when context. If someone appears to be in crisis, you can call 999, Outside of an emergency, when you have noticed someone is struggling, the best thing you can do is to ask them, in a supportive way, how they are feeling. This may apply if you have noticed that someone is, withdrawn or not acting like their usual self, and also if you are worried that they may be at risk of harming themselves. Contrary to the belief that talking about suicide can put the idea in someone's head, the advice from suicide prevention charities is to ask someone directly, but sensitively, whether they are thinking about suicide. Breaking the bystander effect when it ‘comes to mental health can be as easy as taking the time to properly check-in with someone. Something that is often talked about in relation to the bystander effect is fear. We won't always know how we will react to an emergency until we're in the moment, and at that point the fear, and any other psychological factors, may take over, rooting usto the spot. But by educating ourselves on the resources that are available, and processes that we can follow, we can take back some control and equip ourselves with the knowledge we need to take action when itis needed most. M1The hidden Bran hi e epression How to recognise the more subtle signs that someone might be struggling, and exhibiting high-functioning depression epression doesnt always announce itself with sadness or tears. In fact, its manifestations can be frustratingly subtle and easy to overlook. With one in six adults in the UK experiencing moderate tosevere depressive symptoms, itaffects individuals from all walks of life, and transcends age, gender, and socioeconomic boundaries. From high-achievers hiding behind a veneer of success to the elderly living with loneliness, depression can lurk in the shadows. APPEARANCES CAN BE DECEPTIVE We have to move away from this idea that people ‘look ‘Writing | Fiona Fletcher Rid depressed’ based on their external appearances, like their hair, makeup, or clothes. While changes in grooming can hint at shifts in mental wellbeing, they arentt foolproof. People may keep ‘up appearances while silently struggling, making superficial cues unreliable. With that said, a dip in personal hygiene is one thing to look out for, as sometimes the idea of showering and doing laundry can feel like too much to face. There can be physical changes too, such as weight gain or loss. Putting on weight might be perceived as a bad thing (due to societal expectations), which can affect a person's confidence and further exacerbate low mood, On the other hand, weight loss may be praised by onlookers. Una Archer, atherapist at Harley Row Clinic, explains: ‘A person whois suddenly thin might get complimented on their new physique. This could lead them to feel at oddsif they feel unwell, but are told they look great, ultimately leading to self-doubt and lovr self-worth: ‘There is also a link between physical health and depression. Una says: “Along with mood symptoms, a depressed person might feel generally run down in their body, and have body aches, pains, or even numbness in parts of their body.” This means that an unexplained flare-up of existing conditions, such as headaches, stomach issues, or chronic happitulcom | Issue 87 | 15,SSN en People may keep uy a Te asaTaL A Cee aI] atepain, could be linked back to depression. BEHAVIOURAL CHANGES People with depression often feel they have to wear a mask to fitin, and doing so takes an immense amount of energy. Therefore, the prospect of another day ‘faking it’in social settings can lead to cancelling plans, failing to respond to messages, and generally cutting themselves off from friends and family. To make things worse, this avoidance can often be accompanied by feelings of guilt. While these external behaviours might not seem like a big deal, they are really just the tip of the iceberg, and dont represent the intense inner turmoil and the emotional toll depression can take onan individual. ‘This means that even when someone is continuing with their daily routine and seemingly positive behaviours, we're not privy to the underlying emotional experience, “For example, a keen swimmer who usually always feels better after a swim might notice that their low moods don't shift despite keeping up, or even increasing, their exercise regime,” says Una, “To an outsider, this person appears asf they are coping and achieving. They are carrying on life'‘as usual, and even could be ‘viewed as thriving as they pursue fitness goals. However, inside the swimmer feels very different” MOOD SWINGS Similarly, itcan be easy to get reactive when someone acts in a ‘way that seems out of character, which stops you from seeing the warning signs of depression. Unexplained irritability or mood swings can make you avoid someone who is struggling, and the changes in productivity might lead to further conflict. So, if you notice a colleague's work begins to slip, or your flatmate suddenly lacks the motivation to do their share of the housework, there could be a deeper issue at play. ‘They may continue to function in away that looks normal from the outside, and might be performing well at work and maintaining seemingly positive habits such as exercise and eating well, yet underneath there is a cocktail of symptoms bubbling away. This is sometimes described as ‘high- functioning depression, as it can be tricky to detect while the person masks how they're really feeling to keep up with day-to-day expectations, COMMUNICATION IS KEY It important to encourage open communication around depression, as hard as it may feel for everyone involved. Because of the ongoing stigma around mental illness, conversations are often steeped in shame, with the person affected worried about being judged, or feeling like a burden to friends and family. Whether a loved one seems to be functioning well, or is masking their struggles, approaching them with unconditional acceptance creates asafe space for open dialogue. Remember, the swimmer who appears to be thriving externally ‘may be battling inwardly. Wellbeing Begin by expressing genuine concern and a willingness to listen, Avoid judgmental language and aim to create an atmosphere of empathy, trying not to dismiss the other person's experience with phrases like ‘things could be worse’. Remind them that its OK to admit to feeling upset, and to have bad days. This normalisation and acceptance will pave the way for more open discussions and, hopefully, practical steps towards getting help, Empower yourself by understanding depression beyond the surface. Explore resources like happifil.com, podcasts, and ‘books that discuss the nuances of depression. Knowledge isa powerful tool to break down the stigma surrounding mental health, When it comes to your ‘own mental health, try to act as a compassionate witness to your emotions, and trust in your own experience, even if you don't exhibitall the telltale signs. “If you notice depressive symptoms that last more than a few weeks, or dont respond to your typical coping mechanisms, it might be time to check-in with a professional,’ says Una. If your strategies and support networks aren't working as they used to, remember its OK to ask for help. Seeking professional support is nota sign of weakness, buta proactive step toward healing. 0 Fiona Fletcher Reid is a freelance writer and author, whose book, ‘Work It Out’ isavailable now (Welbeck Balance, £9.98). Visit fionalikestoblog.com for more. hhappifulcom | tssue 87 17The holidaymaker’s guide to ecotourism Take steps to tread lightly as you explore and embrace the things our world has to offer ao any of us are thinking about how we can make ire that our desire to travel doesn't come at a cost to the planet, and for good reason. According to the World Travel & Tourism Council, 8-10% of global C02 emissions are caused by the travel and tourism sector ~ plus, tourism can impact the environment in other ways, such as affecting biodiversity and eroding landscapes. So, how can you make sure that your next holiday is as eco- conscious as possible? Follow these seven tips: Timing matters Where possible, choosing to travel during the off-season is not just a great way of saving money, but can also help you to improve your ecotourist credentials as you will reduce the amount that you are contributing to over-tourism. Popular tourist spots will be less crowded, which improves the overall experience, but can also help with preservation as people are less likely to step off paths and damage local habitats, 18 Issue 87 | happifulcom walk against infrastructure, and contribute to traffic. Itsa win-win situation. Walk or use public transportation Just like when you're at home, choosing to take public transport or walking to your destination is a great way to cut down your carbon footprint, But when doing this abroad, it comes with a host of other benefits. You never know what you ‘may stumble across when you set out on a walk. Itcould be encounters with the local wildlife, breathtaking scenery, and pockets of authentic culture that you've found some way from the beaten track. The same is the case for public transport, which is alsoa ‘great way to immerse yourself in local living. Visit protected heritage sites Visiting protected heritage and natural sites can be an eco choice on two fronts. Firstly, as you pay to enter such sites, your fees will go into supporting the ‘work of conservationists who are focused on preservation and protection, It may be impressive archaeological areas or stunning natural beauty spots with rare wildlife ~ whatever your interest, supporting heritage initiatives means that they will be around for many years to come. ‘What's more, seeing these things first-hand can deepen our connection and understanding of them, which can in turn lead us to value them more, and get involved with further initiatives and to protect them for future generations. Skip daily cleans and towel changes ‘When staying in a hotel, you'll often find that you're very well taken care of by your host. And this may include services that could actually be unnecessary, such as daly cleans and towel changes. According to the American Hotel and Lodging Association, asking guests to reuse their towels could result in reducing the number of laundry loads ~ and the water, energy, and. labour costs that come with them - by 17%. Not over-washing linen also increases its lifespan, meaning that there is less waste asit does not have to be replaced as often, While daily cleans are a luxury often enjoyed on holiday, forgoing them every now and then could have a bi the environment.Pack your reusables A luge amount of waste is, generated by single-use plastic such as water bottles, bags, and hotel toiletries, Before you leave, consider filling up some reusable toiletry bottles with products ‘you already have at home. Pack reusable bags for shopping trips, and a water bottle. The latter is particularly important, as tourists tend to drink more water than locals when travelling, particularly in warmer climates. Consider offsetting Try as we might, there is always going to be some degree of cost to our travels, which is why you ‘may wish to consider offsetting emissions alongside taking positive pointers other actions ny to reduce your impact. Carbon offsetting refers to when you calculate the amount of earbon that you have created, and seek to equally compensate for those emissions elsewhere - usually through land restoration or planting trees. There are many different sites and resources out there to help you make these calculations. One such organisation is Carbon Neutral offers subscriptions for individuals who wish to become carbon-neutral. Ofcourse, the best thing you can do forthe environments ive and travel in a conscious way, but offsetting can bea great option for those who want to go one step further. Don't forget what's happening at home If you're keen to become an ecotourist you may find that your attention automatically focuses on your destination, and what you're going to do while you're there. But its worth considering what might be happening in your home while you're away ‘Unplug everything before you leave, and switch off appliances that you dont need to run. Turn off the heating, or leave it on low ‘you're away during the winter, and consider turning off the water to stop any dripping taps. With the peace of mind that everything back home is taken care of, you're free to relax, explore, and learn (the eco way). 01 hhappifulcom | issue 87 | 19wellbeing ‘So what do you do?’ How to deal with this common but awkward question when you're not working ‘ou dont realise until you YY screen ‘much small talk revolves around what you do for a job. Strike up a conversation with someone, and the inevitable ‘questions begin. They want to get to know you, and for some reason, it almost always starts with: “So, what do you do?” Or: “Where are you working at the moment?” Isa loaded question. That feeling of dread begins to creep over you. You make excuses for not working, rather than telling the truth. Many people feel anxiety when work talk comes up in conversation, Feelings of guilt and shame rise to the surface. So, how can we deal with these feelings? Ifyou can't work, or you're taking time out, you shouldnt feel ashamed. It means you're taking your health and wellbeing seriously, and not working yourself into a potential crisis, A few years ago, I gave up ‘my full-time job as.a family worker for a local council. I was, on sick leave for six months when I decided I was too illto return, and resigned. I was later diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Iwas out of work for nearly two years, which crushed me, My ‘work had defined me, and Iwas immensely proud of what I did, day in and day out. But what I realised was that working was detrimental to my health, and caused me to spiral further into a bipolar episode. Initially, I found hhappifulcom | issue 87 | 216G about not working. However, the more I did talk about it and why Iwas unemployed, the easier it became, What to do if someone questions you about work So, how do we go about answering this question? As with any conversation, it depends on the circumstances and your relationship with the person asking, Never feel you categorically have to answer. It's OK to move the conversation onto another topic, or simply 22 Issue 67 | happifulcom If you can’t work, or you're taking time out, you shouldn't feelashamed \ say you don't feel like talking about work and jobs right nove I personally like to go with honesty, butif you're feeling vulnerable or anxious, it’s reasonable not to answer. ‘Most people won't question you further, and will accept you don't want to talk about work. For those that do, again, its fine to assert your boundaries, and ask to move the conversation on. On the other hand, if you feel you want to answer, its best to be honest. Giving a vague answer invites more questions, so you'll ‘end up saying more than you pethaps plan to. I would always {0 into these conversations, thinking that if someone wants to get to know me, the real ‘me, they're going to have to ‘understand that I am out of workat the moment. If ie, itis only going to negatively impact my self-esteem. I'm only ever hurting myself by not being ‘truthful, Itisntt an easy approach, and ‘many people find it stressful to talk about unemployment for fear of being judged. Butif someone judges you for not ‘working, whatever your reasons may be, they're not worth getting to know. They're not worth investing your time in to, It may mean they need to reassess their priorities in life, and think about ‘what makes them fulfilled and happy beyond their job. Unravelling the accompanying emotions A.common feeling we have in response to this question is guilt We feel guilty for doing nothing when, in reality, we are never just doing ‘nothing? It could be you're volunteering or earning new skills at home or in the community. You might be involved in activism, or you've started a blog or newsletter. Even tasks that seem small to others might be massive accomplishments for you, and i's OK to speak up and cheer yourself on. If taking care of yourself is how you're spending your time, then that’s perfectly valid. Its also a good opportunity to introduce the person to a new book, new ‘ideas you've read or listened to ona podcast, or a new hobby or skill. Steering conversations to what youtre doing with your time, or how you're taking care of yourself, will make you feel more comfortable answering this question. It's also OK to be honest if you're struggling. Being unemployed can impact our ‘mental health, and it can feel like there are mountains of time to fill each day. Talking to others can help, and they may have suggestions or know of groups and activities which happen during the day. It might also be that you're off work due to mental and/or physical iliness, and you dont have the energy to be active or learn skills or hobbies. There should be no shame in simply taking care of yourself, however that may look for you, and sharing why you're not working and what your day looks like, can open up conversations and support from others, Now, I'm back in employment, but I don't feel ashamed of the time I spent not working, It gave me space to spend time with family and friends, learn more about myself, passions I didnt realise Thad, and hobbies and skills Inever knew Iwas capable of. At the same time, it gave ‘me space to understand my illness, and the best ways to look after myself. Id never had time to focus purely on my health and wellbeing before, and it helped me find better treatments and stability sooner than if [had been in work. ‘The overall takeaway here is that work doesn't need to define you. There is more to life than a job. If you find yourself unable to work ‘completely, it means you've been struggling for too long. Finding yourself without a job isntta sign of failure, especially wellbeing REMEMBER: (@ Yeu are under no obligation to answer. Steer the conversation on to D other topies if you'd prefer. If you're comfortable, be @ honest with them. Don't feel guilty or ashamed. Share how you're caring for yourself. Remember your health and wellbeing is the priority ~ and that's where your time and energy are going right now. ‘There are so many things that define a person - their hobbies, their passions, and their personality to name a few. It’s about changing our priorities and recognising what truly brings us joy and happiness in our lives, and leaves us with a feeling of contentedness. When ‘we acknowledge this, it makes that question of ‘What do you do?’ less daunting, because we've realised there are a wealth of topics we can talk about more passionately, and with conviction. 1 Kai Conibear is a writer and mental health advocate. His first book, ‘Living atthe Speed of Light’, about bipolar disorder, is out now happifulcom | Issue 87 [23or limerence? When does an innocent crush become a destructive obsession? \describable feeling and 's fair to say there's a whole Jot of myths surrounding love. Perhaps due to the fact that its so hard to put into words, and also that it can be such a uniquely individual experience and feeling, sometimes, we may not always be sure of precisely what's going on inourhearts and minds. Isit love or ist limerence? It may be a question you've asked ‘yourself at some point, or one you've wondered abouta friend ‘who has fallen head over heels for someone they've only just met. The difference is key, and being able to make the distinction could both save alot of hurt, and open up a new window into self- understanding. You may be familiar with the idea of a ‘hopeless romantic, but limerence is far more destructive than that. It describes the experience of having a longing, or sometimes an obsession, with [: the big, life-changing, 24 | Issue 87 | happifulcom es another person, usually without the feelings being reciprocated. It different from lust in that it is often much more than a physical attraction, with the individual putting the object of their affection on a pedestal and overestimating their positive characteristics - but its also different from love as itis ‘mostly constructed via fantasy and longing, rather than on genuine connection and real attributes. 1n1979, in her book Love and Limerence, psychologist Dorothy ‘Tennov coined the term after conducting interviews with more than 300 participants. Tennov did not believe that limerence was a pathological condition, and felt that it was an experience healthy individuals could go through, and then return to normal. However, in 2008, psychologists Albert H Wakin and Duyen, B Vo returned to Tennov's research, and proposed parallels between limerence and obsessive ‘compulsive disorder (OCD), as well as substance use disorder ~ though maintained that limerence vwas.a separate condition, More recently, there has been some debate around this position, with some experts arguing that, as limerence can interfere with our day-to-day lives, itshould be considered a psychiatric condition, and added to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. On the online forum platform Reddit, the subreddit rilimerence is a space for those who experience limerence to come together for supportand information, Often sharing their experiences with the'LO’ (an abbreviation for limerent object” ~the person they are infatuated with), many lament the lack of formal recognition, as limerence has a devastating effect on their relationships, health, and wellbeing.relationships Dorothy Tennov proposed that imerent episodes may only happen once in a person's lifetime, with the average episode lasting between 18 months and three years. These periods can be accompanied by other mental health problems, such as anxiety and depression. Andrea Tibbitts isa specialist relationship therapist, and she recognises just how destructive limerence can be. “Limerence is painful. In the midst of it, you are a prisoner to your longing,” she explains. happifulcom | Issue 87 |25Kindness and respect pave the way For love “Characterised by a high level of anxiety and intense infatuation, your crush is crushing you. Itis, a desperation to be with another person. You have an insatiable obsession to pursue them because they are your ideal. Being constantly consumed by thoughts ofthem, you are captive to your fantasies. You have this ache on the inside to just be with them, that you ‘need’ the object of your Jimerence to complete you. Itis as if hiss the one person that you need to survive, ‘the one’ you have been waiting for, before you even know them, Andrea goes on to explain how the drive to have’ the OLis so strong that healthy functioning can be affected, and the individual can go on to make reckless decisions, as well as neglecting their needs. There is also some speculation that limerence is related to attachment disorders, specifically in those who have negative experiences with caregivers in. early childhood, and who also perhaps experience separation 26 | Issue 87 | happifulcom anxiety. Considering the possibility of this link, the pain of limerence is clear to see. “Real love can also, of course, be heady,’ explains Andrea, “However, love is based on connecting with someone ina real and meaningful way, and not just our perfect projection from a distance of who we need them tobe. Love carries a curiosity to get to know the other person, to explore their world, so that the ‘two of you can be on the journey together, without you sabotaging or losing yourself’ So, how can a limerent move forward? Breaking Free and inding real love “We know that love and fear are opposites,” says Andrea. “Fear never makes a good leader for us in relationships, so the more love ‘we can feel in the rest of our lives, the more secure and stable we will be in romance. “Create a base of healthy friendships, so that your love tank can be well filled. You are more at tisk of limerence and emotional pain if you go into a relationship running on empty. Identify where your vulnerabilities are. Seek to be proactive in creating strategies to protect yourself, and build yourself up in those places. We all have fears, but if we take care of them they do not get into the