How to process emotions

Learning to process emotions is crucial for overall well-being and mental health.
It allows individuals to understand and manage their feelings, leading to better
relationships, improved decision-making, and increased resilience. When we
process our emotions, we can identify the root causes of our feelings, which
helps in coping with stress and adversity. Additionally, this skill fosters empathy,
enabling us to connect more deeply with others. Ultimately, mastering emotional
processing empowers us to lead more fulfilling lives, as we can navigate
challenges with greater clarity and strength.

Skills to Learn to Process Emotions:

● Name it to tame it:

What am I feeling? Is it irritation? Is it sadness? Is it anger? When we use words

to describe our emotions, we gain a greater sense of clarity. How we use our
words can help us have more power over our emotions. We can create greater
clarity and power by making our thoughts concrete.

The first step is to take the time to notice, name, and express your thoughts and
feelings, then write them down or share them with someone you trust. When we
don't identify our feelings and don't know what we are experiencing, it leaves us
feeling helpless to act. When we do identify and express our emotions in writing
or speech, it gives us the ability to slow things down, develop insight, and choose
a course of action that aligns with our values—the kind of person we want to be
and what will be pleasing or displeasing to Allah (SWT). On the other hand, if we
act impulsively to suppress or react to our emotions, life can feel out of control.

Write down what you're feeling.

Use the Emotion Chart to help pinpoint the specific emotion. For example:
"I feel _______ (emotion)."

This exercise is powerful, as it often kick-starts the healing process. Allah swt
has given us the wisdom to navigate our emotions when we sit with them and
notice them.
1. Don’t Confuse Thoughts with Feelings:
○ Example: "I feel everyone is after me" or "I feel I am a terrible
person"—these are thoughts, not emotions.
○ Instead, say "I feel worried" or "I feel scared." Focus on describing
your emotion, not your identity.
○ Avoid saying, "I am depressed"—that turns an emotion into your
identity. Instead, say "I feel sad," which describes what you’re
experiencing and gives you the power to act.
2. Words Have Power:
○ The words we use can shape our reality. If we use words of fear or
distortion, we create helplessness. But when we use truthful and
kind words, we create strength and power.
○ This is a practice of husn e zan (having a good opinion) and trusting
Allah swt.
3. Be Specific:
○ The more specific you are with your emotions, the more power you
have to resolve them.
○ Use an emotional chart to differentiate between emotions like
irritation, anger, frustration, or disappointment. Being specific helps
you understand and address the emotion more effectively.
○ Remember, you might feel more than one emotion at once. Don’t be
afraid to note them all.
4. Non-Judgmental Attitude:
○ Avoid judging your emotions as "good" or "bad." Instead, describe
them as comfortable or uncomfortable.
○ Every emotion, even uncomfortable ones, has a purpose. For
example, fear keeps us safe, and guilt helps us correct ourselves.
○ Emotions like sadness, fear, or frustration are not inherently
negative—they can lead to growth and insight.

By identifying, naming, and describing your emotions without judgment, you gain
greater clarity and control, which helps you act in a way that aligns with your
values and intentions.
Six-Pack Exercise: Reframing Your Interpretation

Let’s take a situation that bothers you and explore different interpretations. The
more flexible we are in seeing things from different angles, the more control we
have over how we feel and respond.

Situation: You share an apartment with a friend, and she isn’t doing the dishes
regularly. Dirty dishes are piling up in the sink.

Here are six interpretations of why your friend might be doing this:

1. She’s mean. (Angry)

2. Different cultural expectations. (Understanding)
3. I deserve this. (Depressed)
4. She’s overwhelmed with assignments. (Compassion)
5. Let me help her out, I can grow from this experience. (Growth mindset)
6. She doesn’t know that it’s bothering me. (Hope)

Each interpretation leads to a different emotional response. When you only see
one interpretation (e.g., "she’s selfish"), it limits your emotional choices and
response. By considering multiple perspectives, you can choose the one that
aligns with your values and gives you power over your situation.

The Power of Reframing

This exercise of reframing—seeing things from different perspectives—gives

you more control over your emotions and actions. When you are rigid in your
thinking, you feel stuck and powerless. When you open yourself to alternative
interpretations, you empower yourself to respond in a way that aligns with your
values, like kindness, understanding, or growth.

Homework: Reframe Your Own Situation

Think about a situation that bugged you. Now, create at least six different
interpretations of the same situation. If you catch yourself stuck in "right or
wrong" thinking, you might be creating unnecessary rigidity. Allow yourself to see
the situation from multiple angles and choose the interpretation that helps you
feel empowered and aligned with your values.

Ask yourself three questions:

1. Is my story truthful?
○ Is there any self-deception or exaggeration? Is the story based on
facts, not assumptions?
2. Is my story kind?
○ Does this narrative reflect kindness—toward yourself, others, and
Allah swt?
3. Does my story give me the power to act?
○ Does this story help me think about what I can change or influence,
instead of feeling powerless?

When you choose stories that align with truth, kindness, and empowerment, you
shift from self-inflicted suffering to a more intentional, empowered approach to
your emotions and actions.

By reframing the story, we regain the power to act in a way that aligns with our
values and pleases Allah swt.

● Willingness to Feel Your Emotions:

Practice: Be With Your Feelings

When you feel an emotion, try to focus on the physical sensations in your body.
Identify where you feel it (e.g., chest tightness, stomach knots), place your hand
on that spot, and take a deep breath. Remind yourself: “This emotion cannot
harm me. It’s uncomfortable, but it has no power over me.” Indeed my Lord
is with me. Remember the story of Musa AS parting of the sea.

● How to Release Emotions Trapped in our Body:

Emotions can get trapped in the body because our nervous system is directly
linked to the emotions we feel. To release these trapped emotions and maintain a
healthy nervous system, we need to engage in activities that help regulate and
soothe it. A calm body leads to a calm mind.

Techniques to Soothe Your Nervous System

1. Self-Regulation:Self regulation skills can be practiced while doing any

activity. First, remind yourself: “I am safe.” A sense of safety is vital for
calming the nervous system. Telling yourself you’re in no danger helps
your body relax.
2. Calming Down Skills:
○ Deep Belly Breathing: Inhale deeply into your belly and exhale
slowly. Focus on your breath to calm your nervous system.
○ Peripheral Vision: Look around you without focusing on one object.
Remind yourself: “I am safe, Alhamdulillah.”
○ Yawning: Yawning naturally helps to reset your nervous system and
release tension.
3. Freedom Technique (Tapping):
Gently tap on the following areas (7 taps each):
○ Forehead
○ Next to the eye (toward the nose)
○ Under the eye
○ Above the lip
○ Chin
○ Collarbone
○ Under the arm
○ Karate chop area of the hand
Before and After: Rate your anxiety level from 0-10 and see the
difference.
4. Other Techniques to Calm Your Nervous System:
○ Cold Water: Wash your face with cold water. This slows down your
heart rate and breathing.
○ Monotasking: Do one thing at a time. Multitasking can be perceived
as a threat by your brain, which increases stress.
○ Stretching: A few seconds of stretching can release tension in your
muscles and calm your body.

Daily Practice:

Practice self-regulation techniques daily. All it takes is a bit of awareness to relax

your muscles and calm your mind. By regularly practicing these techniques, you
strengthen and regulate your nervous system, helping you stay grounded and in
control of your emotions.
Coping Skills for Anxiety

Coping skills are useful for managing anxiety in the short term, helping you calm
down in a crisis. However, it’s important to remember that while coping skills help
you manage the immediate symptoms, addressing the underlying issue is
necessary to avoid emotional suppression and buildup. For example, if your
friend accuses you of something and you feel hurt and angry, it’s important to
pause, calm down, and resolve the issue, rather than just suppress your
emotions.

HALT: Pause Before Reacting

When you’re feeling anxious or emotionally triggered, ask yourself if you’re

experiencing one of the following:

● H - Hungry
● A - Angry
● L - Lonely
● T - Tired
Pausing and reflecting on your state before reacting is a key skill of
emotionally resilient people.

Sensory Coping Skills (SENSES)

Engage your senses to ground yourself in the present moment:

● Take a walk
● Step outside for fresh air
● Feel a comfortable texture (e.g., soft blanket)
● Listen to the Quran

Cognitive Coping Skills (Using Your Mind & Body)

Activities that focus your mind and body to calm anxiety:

● Journaling: Write down your thoughts and feelings.

● Praying: Connect spiritually and center yourself.
● Coloring: Engage your mind with a calming creative task.
● Exercise: Physical movement helps release pent-up tension.
● Meditation: Focus on your breath and present moment.
● Reading Quran: Find peace through spiritual reflection.
● Cooking/Baking: Engage your hands in a calming, purposeful activity.

Connection Coping Skills

Connection helps regulate emotions by grounding you:

● Hug someone or pet an animal: Physical connection provides comfort

and releases oxytocin which is a happy hormone.
● Talk to someone: Share your thoughts or write them down before
speaking.
● Exercise:

Write down three types of exercise you can practice.

Write down the name of two people you can reach out to.

Grounding Skills for Anxiety

Anxiety triggers the "fight, flight, or freeze" response, causing physical stress
symptoms like rapid heart rate, shallow breathing, and muscle tension.
Grounding techniques help counterbalance these stress responses, calming your
body and mind.

Activity:

1. Rate your anxiety from a scale of 0-10 before and after the exercise.
2. Sit in your chair and focus on your body:
○ Feel your feet pressing into the ground.
○ Stamp your feet (left, right, left…) to reconnect with the ground.
○ Feel your body in contact with the chair—notice your legs, thighs,
and buttocks pressing into the seat.
○ Lengthen your spine and notice how it affects your breath.
○ Push your hands together, feel your strength, then release.
Repeat this.
○ Look around you and identify something that reminds you that
you’re safe right now.
○ Pause and breathe.
3. Reflect on how this exercise affects your breathing, mood, and strength.
Rate your anxiety from 0-10 again.
Understanding Grounding

Grounding is the practice of becoming aware of your body and your present
moment experience. It helps to remind yourself that, in this moment, you are
safe. Anxiety and depression are often linked to fears about the past or worries
about the future, but grounding techniques help us focus on the present moment,
providing a sense of safety and calm.

Affirmation:
"Even though my body feels scared right now, I am safe where I am right now."

By grounding yourself in the present, you activate a sense of safety, which helps
process and resolve difficult memories and anxious thoughts.“Your past is a
place of reference not residence”

1. You can choose how you are going to respond to a situation.

2. You can choose how you are going to think about the situation.
3. You can choose how you act in a situation.

“Allah swt grant me peace to accept the things i cannot change, the
courage to change the things i can and the wisdom to know the difference.
Grant me the peace to accept the people that i cannot change, courage to
change the one i can and the wisdom to know the difference”