Pre-Marital Counselling 6 months

Rev T.SLekopanye.&Mrs T. Lekopanye

08 July 2023 Bro GofaoneMohlomi and Sis BasadiUtlwang

Objective: help people to prepare –to get ready for married life
It best not to hurry to get married but, prepare for it.
It is better to prepare than to repair. It is better to prevent problems than to repent after they
happen

When you are thirsty, it is too late to start digging a well.

Plan for Premarital counseling

PROGRAM SCHEDULED LESSONS ( HOURS A WEEK)

1. A BILICAL FOUNDATION FOR MARRIGE

2. WHAT IS MARRIAGE?
3. Questionaire: why do you want to marry him or her.
4. God’s plan for marriage
5. God’s ORDER FOR MARRIAGE AND FAMILY
6. God’s purpose for the family/ the Christian home
7. God’s purpose for the family/ the Christian home
8. PLANNING A WEDDING
9. PREPARATION TIME(things to consider)
10. COMMUNICATION
11. FINANCES
12. SEX

A BILICAL FOUNDATION FOR MARRIGE

The beginning - plan and order for marriage: in the beginning God ordained marriage and family Genesis1:26,27
2:18, 21-

What do you think of when you hear the word “marriage?”

-others link it with “being in love”

-causes others to think of a wedding.

-Governments have laws about marriage that deals with age, property, and divorce. Human laws are helpful but the
marriage did not come from humans. Marriage is God’s idea

WHAT IS MARRIAGE?
Marriage – is a public commitment between a man and a woman to become one and remain
faithful to each other until death.

-is an institution ordained and orderedby means of God

- It is done through the DC of the nation or the licenced officer
It was established before sin came into this world

Questionaire: why do you want to marry him or her.

God’s plan for marriage- monogamy that is one husband and one wife Genesis 2:20-
24, 2:18,24.
- Apostle Paul made it clear1Tim 3:2,12;Titus1:6, 1tim 5:9
- Jesus also made it plain Matt19:4-5 Mark 10:6-7
- No polygamy

God’s ORDER FOR MARRIAGE AND FAMILY

Ephesians 5:22-25-6:3Genesis 1-2
1. The husband is the head of the wife
2. The wife submit “submit to her husband Eph. 5:22-24
3. Children are to honor and obey their parents Eph. 6:2
4. Pattern of three parts Genesis2:20-25
- Leave father and mother – i. physical (location)ii. Economical/ financial,iii.
influential ,counsel by close friends especially of opposite sex
- Husbands and wife’s need space and privacy to learn to make their own decisions.
Genesis 24:3-6; 67. It vary from culture to culture
1. Leaving – no matter the distance. It means that things will change between parents, sons
and daughters. Leaving is not a private matter. It must happen in public and legal way.
Abraham made a big mistake genesis 12:10-20. Later Isaac made the same mistake
genesis 26:1-11
2. Be united. It is not enough to leave your parents. Be united like a paper glued. United is a
special kind of love
Be one flesh1cor 7:4,5 a marriage is complete before God even if no children are born. These
three parts form a warm, safe dwelling place for the husband, the wife and any child that may
be born.

God’s purpose for the family/ the Christian home

1. To provide fellowship Genesis 2:20-23,18 , people need fellowship, to talk with

someone, share thoughts, feel accepted and loved . To give and receive from others.
Why did God wait to create the woman? Sometimes we do not understand how important
something is until we do without it. Adam recognized something of himself in his wife.
Genesis 2:23. He could love her as he loved himself. She was valuable to him.
2. Provide help /companionship. genesis1:26-28
A helper is not an inferior person
God is our helper psalm 115:9-10 god is not below those he help.
3. Produce children Genesis1:28. Children needs a mother and a father.
4. Provides for physical and mental needs. Physical needs: shelter, clothing, care, protection
and food.
Mental needs; education
Provide for emotional needs prov14:26
1. Change is struggle; illness. When life changes come the family should protect and
support its members.
2. Disappointment and failure- as we grow we understand that things may not
always go as planned or desired. Eccl. 4:9,2.
3. Rejection and criticism are common trials.in a house we learn how to live
together, to forgive one another, and to encourage each other.
(5)Enables members to learn how to live
Families are learning centers
Strong family, build strong nations.
-We learn the basic skills for life in a family; how to walk, talk, eat, work, rest,
play, relate to people, worship and make decision.
Ephes6:4- parents train their children about character, moral values, and
relationships with God and others.
-A father should learn to love relate well to his wife and children, through much
efforts and many mistakes, to be gentle, tolerant, kind, humble, courteous with his
family.
-A wife should learn the best way to respond to, talk to, and please her husband.
-Parents should learn to teach, care for and be examples for their children.
6). Provide a place to learn to serve God acts 16:34
Families that pray together, stay together1cor16:15
7).provide a place to learn to be happy Ecc. 9:9.Parents should enjoy their children and
realize that they are a gift from God, Psalm127:3-5
8HOMEKEEPING AND HOUSE HELPS
Hospitality, Keeping the house, Cooking and provision of food, House helps
(stopped here).

PLANNING A WEDDING
Local customs that arises -------A time to evaluate with biblical principles
 Believers should honor the bible above custom i.e no sex before marriage since some
customs teaches men and women to have sex before marriage
 Honor local customs that do not contradict the bible i.e paying Lobola
 Each believer should honor His conscience i.e no believer should take part in a custom
He thinks is wrong (Romans 14;14,23)
 Avoid a custom that will cause other believers to stumble ( Romans 14;15-21)
 Believers can disagree about certain things if both are trying to obey the bible but they
should not judge each other based on that (Romans 14;13-23)
PREPARATION TIME(things to consider)
 Notify your pastor
 Have parental consent or agreement
 Choose the date wisely
 Settle financial matters for the marriage i.e for bride price, rings, and outfits. spend
wisely since you have a life to live after the wedding.(Prov. 22:26-27)
 Choose a wedding Coordinator
- A person to help you*to represent you and your family with honor
* A person who will listen carefully to what you and your
family desire for the wedding
*follow instructions about food, photos etc.
*recognize problems when they are small and solve them
*spend only the amount of money you and your family desire
 Fulfill all the legal requirements
Should know the laws and be open and honest to each other (Romans 13; 1-7).Should
know the DC procedures and Marriage officers’ procedures
Civil marriage or Customary marriage or Spiritual marriage(solemnized by pastor
in church)
 Plan a home for the new couple i.e where are you going to stay since a new couple needs
a place for their own
 Observe the health advisory plan i.e do an HIV test together
 Remain sexually pure……walk in the spirit you will not fulfill the desire of the flesh
Session for meeting done 06/06/20
Next session 27/06/20
Expectations: wedding is an event, but marriage is a life committment

COMMUNICATION

Basics of good communication. We can improve the way we communicate by trying new ways
of listening and speaking

Communication cycle

There are five parts in the process of communication

1. Sender..A wife desire to share thoughts with her husband

2. The Message…..words and meaning e.g. what would you like for supper
3. The Method…includes words, tone of voice and body language
4. The receiver…..receiver interprets the message in personal way. The present situation affects
how a receiver interpret the message
5. The Feedback….the response the receiver gives back to the sender. Completes the cycle of
communication

3 Things which affect communication

1. Body language
2. Social setting
3. The difference between people i.e. how people were brought up,age,education background
A good listener must overcome 8 temptations of communication.
 As a listener you may be tempted to think you know what a person is going to say before
he/she has said it
 To think about what you are going to say while the other person is still talking
 To react to untrue words the person speaks…you always,you never etc.,these words
cause internal noise and you react
 To stop listening if your spouse acts in a certain way i.e. when he raises his voice
 To stop listening because you think of something else so you can overcome the error by
disciplining yourself to listen with your mind and face
 To stop listening if you lack interest (Gala 6:2 Phillip 2;4) or feeling bored
 To listen poorly because you do not agree with the speaker
 To listen to the speakers words, but not paying attention to His feelings
LISTENING WELL AND AFFIRMING A PERSONS FEELINGS

Encourage her to share her thoughts by reflecting on what she/he heard

He could clarify by asking questions
After he has listened he may respond with his thoughts

A WISE COMMUNICATOR MUST LEARN TO CONTROL HIS TOUNGUE

Proverbs 13;3 proverbs 17:9,14,27 and 28 proverbs 26:20,24,28

Harsh words.How to avoid speaking them and how to avoid responding to them. A mature
skillful wise will discipline her emotions,she must think before she react
She needs to look past her husband’sharsh words at this time Prov.19:11
She needs to return to the subject and make her meaning clear Prov. 15:1

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MAN AND WOMAN IN COMMUNICATION

A.Women can jump from Women want to talk about their feelings but Man want to fix the
problem
B. Women can receive many messages at ones but Man focus on one thing
 Women may think they know certain things without being able to explain why
Subject to subject in a conversation
 A man does not feel the need to talk while doing other things

SOLUTIONS
1.A man should learn to value the feeling and perceptions that His wife has about issues.
2. When a women talk together they should feel free to fly from topic to topic but when talking
to her husband she must slow down and know that God has not created them that way.
3.Women should respect silence when a man desires it.
C. Women are more aware of their emotions than men are
D. Women expand information when they talk but men condense it
E. Women talk to develop relationship but men talk to share information.
Question:How can a man communicate in a way that interests his wife?
F. Communication mistakes women often make
 She offers advices when he does not ask for it- then the man think the woman does not
trust him
 She tries to control him through showing her feelings—feels she does not accept me
 She complain about what he has not done—does not appreciate the things I do
 She corrects and instruct him –she does not admire me
 She accuses indirectly,how can you do that?—she does not think am a good person
 She criticizes his decision or actions—does not encourage me or believe in me
G. Communication mistakes men often make
 He does not pay attention or ask question to show interest—does not care
 He gives advices and solutions—does not understand
 He listens but gets angry and blames—does not respect my feelings
 He is not sensitive to her feelings and needs—does not love me
 When she is upset she explains why he is right and why she should not feel as she does—
he does not support me
 After listening ,he says nothing or walks away—am not secure with him
GOOD COMMUNICATION DURING CONFLICT
Causes of a conflict in a marriage

 They arise from unmet needs

 Arise from emotions(controlled by the flesh not the spirit) .Eph. 4:26 Gal 5:22-23
 Arises from selfish desires James 4:1-4 Mark 12:31 Eph. 5:28
 Arises from making a quick judgment about what a spouse means James 1:19 Joshua 22
Proverbs 29:20, 14:29 Eccl 7:9
 Conflict can come from different values; each person is shaped in a unique way- by
creation, gender, background, and experienced. When the problem arise again and again
it may be a sign that the couple has different values.
Security/protection; A-Cautious to avoid all danger. B – Bold to take risks
Care/ concern for other; A- cares much about people B-thinks little about feelings of
others, but thinks about goals and work to do.
Order; A; likes structure, schedules, neatness, and authorities B- more creative and less
predictable
Social times; A- Enjoys Company and social events B- likes to be alone or with one other
person.
Decisions; A Slow to decide and has doubts B-decides and quickly and has much
confidence.
B. how to react to conflict;5 ways
My way; pushing until the other person gets out of the way
 No way; ignores the problem , avoids the conflict
 Your way; he wants peace so much that he always submits to the other person. This way
can be peaceful, for a time, but it is also frustrating
 Half way; this person gives up some things.Each person gets some of what he wants. But
he also loses some of what he wants
 Our way; this couple works out problems together. Solve together, also care about each
other and their marriage. They want each other person to be satisfied with the solution.
View their spouse as more important than their own personal needs. God wants us to be
at peace with each other. A person can change. Matt 5:23-24, Eph. 4:3
 C.THINGS TO AVOID DURING CONFLICT
-never speak rashly , never confront your spouse in public, never confront your spouse in
front of the children, never use your children in the conflict, never say “never” or
“always”, never use name calling, never be historical- bringing up the past, never walk
away unless the other person agrees to a time out. Never shout, never mention others in
the conversation unless they are a direct part of the problem, never “win” at the expense
of your spouse “losing”, never talk to your spouse, as if he or she were immature or
unwise, never accuse your spouse with “you” statements, never enter into a conflict when
either of you is tired, sick.Never touch your spouse in a harmful manner; mosadiga a
betswe.
Good Things to do during conflict
1. Listen in an active way; ask questions, restate what you are hearing, be open, rather
than defending yourself.
2. Clarify the problem; ask yourself and your spouse, “what’s wrong?”,ask, “why is this
important to you?”, acknowledge your spouse’s point of view. Say, “I can see this is
important to you”.
3. Ask for suggestions; ask, “what is your solution?”, describe changes in behavior-
“what can I do differently”, identify what a time of peace will look like. Ask, “how
will we know that things have changed?’
4. Share your thoughts; stay calm, give information, clarify your point of view, find
something in your spouse’s complaint that you can agree with.
5. Agree on a solution; I can do----, but it would help me if you would-------“. Affirm
that both of you want to solve the problem. Write the agreement in a book and have
all sign it who are concerned. Set a date to review your progress.

FINANCES
Money is the medium of exchange as long as we live in this world we need money.
Trust God as the source of all your need (Phil 4:19)
ATITUDE OF MONEY IN A MARRIAGE
1. Discuss money openly, I don’t know how you are going to do it
2. Avoid selfishness
3. Work hard (2 Thes. 3:6,10)
4. Use each other’s talents
5. Share all your wealth
6. Refuse to spend money quickly on fleshly desires that arises (Prov. 21:5)
7. Spend it according to God’s wishes and God’s word
8. Manage your finances properly by budgeting; God first (tithes and offerings), savings or
investments, address your needs or wants, pay bills and rent.
9. Understanding realities of Housekeeping Money—mode of its operation must be
discussed and mutually agreed upon. How you are going to give your parents.
 Husband must give
Understand financial headship-headship of the home extends to finances as well. No
matter who earns more, the man must rule the finances of the home with wisdom and
fairness . Spend less than you earn (Prov. 22:26-27 Luke 12:13-15 Phil 4:11-13)
As a financial head, he must avoid stinginess, meanness, and irresponsibility.
Avoid lack of money- it should not be a permanent situation in a home
Know the danger of covetousness- arises when couple compare their property or children
with those of others, leading to dissatisfaction, misspending and borrowing to maintain a
certain lifestyle.
Accept the realities.
Plan for future needs (Prov. 20:4, 21:20, Matthew 6:25-34, Gen 41:46-49)
Be generous –share with others (Prov. 11:24-25 Prov. 19:17 Luke 6:38 1 Tim 6:17-19
HOW ARE YOU GOING TO RELATE WITH LARGER FAMILY
a. Honor both families
Forgive your parents for their mistakes, no one is perfect
Honor your parents in the way that pleases the LORD
b. Care for the needs of both families (1 Tim 5:8)
c. Put your spouse and your children first, in finances and in matters
Bedroom “Sexual life in marriage”
Purpose for Sex in marriage
1. For pro creation (gen 1:28)
2. Fulfill sexual desire and prevents sexual immorality (Heb. 13:4, 1 cor7:2).
3. Sex moves couple to “oneness” (Gen 2:24), unites soul, body and spirit( mal. 2:15)
4. For fun and pleasure between a husband and wife. Pleasure within the marriage is like a
magnet that keeps them turning to each other, is a fun, satisfying way of sharing love. It
is god’s plan for a husband and wife to enjoy sex with each other.
B. Agree about children and birth control
Choose a plan for children before sex begins
C. know the sexual differences between men and women
One seeking marriage should learn about male and female bodies, not in a wrong
way(mother teaches her daughter, father teaches his son, or an elder in church.) not
through practice or pornography.
- Men; desire sex often, such as 2 or more times each week- women , may be
content with less sex, not desire during cycle.
-Desire sex because of seeing the female body –women, of relationship; talking, touching
and romance.
- Can enjoy sex almost any time- women must feel closeness to enjoy sex
- Have desire that rises quickly like fire- women rises slowly, like water that takes
time to boil.
- Can reach climax quickly- women need more time to reach
- Can focus on sex easily –women are easily destructed by noise, odors or lack of
privacy.
- Need climax to enjoy sex- women may find sex enjoyable without a climax
- Can find extra energy for sex,- women less desire when tired
D. begin sex together with realistic, sensible expectations
- It takes time to develop sexual relation that pleases each other (Deut. 24:5)
- There is still need for sexual control in marriage- marriage does not mean that sex
is available at all times.
- It helps to communicate with each other when making love
F. begin sex together with honesty about your past; never compare your spouse to
another lover. If you have not been pure, repent, receive forgiveness from the one
you will marry, release the affections and memories, when they come reject them
and replace them with the thought of your spouse. Reject guilt if it comes, repeat
the truth of forgiveness to yourself (1 john1:9)
Sexual life in marriage
a. Remain faithful to your mate
b. Do not refuse to give your mate (se timane, moneelo).1 Cor. 7:3-5,
c. Wife learn more about your husband, his desires, sexual and other things, to
be praised,
d. Husband, learn more about your wife, what she likes, romance, surprises and
attention.
e. Plan and protect time together
f. Expect changes throughout your marriage; with responsibilities. Manage
stress and levels of energy, plan regular times to be alone as a couple, take
care of your appearance.
FAITHFULNESS ANA UN FAITHFULNESS IN MARRIAGE (Dag mills

pg 41)

Prayer

Divine restraining order prayer against Familiar

spirits /family spirits; because they have been in the family for a
long time, they know you they which button to switch so that you can open a

door. They are bad

Isaiah 19:3, John8:35-36

Heavenly father, the righteous Judge. I come into the court room of heaven by the

blood Jesus the messiah. Heavenly Father. I’m standing in the courtroom asking

that you would issue a divine restraining order over my life / marriage against

familiar spirits, against spirits that have been in our bloodline for a long time I’m

asking God that I will no longer be a victim of these familiar spirits in Jesus name

my Lord. You said if the sun sets you free you are free indeed. I’m receiving

freedom today by the lord Jesus, from familiar spirits, heavenly father I’m asking

that divine restraining order against familiar spirits be issued. Heavenly Father, ask
you to forgive me for anything that I’ve said or done that would allow these

familiar spirits to attack me and attack our marriage. I decree and declare Father,

that from this day, from this moment onwards that you are setting me free from the

attack of familiar spirits. I’m asking God that as I am in the court of heaven , that

every legal right that Satan has had in the court of heaven against me, would be

wiped out by the blood of Jesus, that those familiar spirits would lose any legal

rights they had to my life in jesusYeshua’s name, I pray. I decree and declare that

you are going to assign high ranking angelic officers of the court of heaven to

enforce a divine restraining order that these familiar spirits will never be able to

violate this divine restraining order. Father, I thank you that by faith, I receive this

divine restraining order against familiar spirits in my life, in Jesus name. I thank

you for the angelic enforcers, from the court of heaven of this divine restraining

order. Thank you. Lord, that I am free today of the influence and power of these

familiar spirits that they are being restrained right now by the power of the Holy

Ghost, that the devil will not be able to use these familiar spirits as instruments of

death, destruction or delay in my life. I thank you lord, the divine restraining order

against these familiar spirits has been granted to me from the court of heaven and

sealed by the blood of the lamp. Thank you lord, for victory in Jesus name the

Messiah against these familiar spirits.

GOD BLESS YOU, A BLESSED MARRIAGE TO YOU GUYS; KOKETSO

MAJEREMANI AND LARONA LEBOTSE. YOU ARE BLESSED NO THING

CAN CHANGE IT.(

Marriage Counselling
****MARRIAGE COUNSELLING QUESTIONAIRE*****

BASICS KNOWLEGDE

1. How long have you known each other?

2. How much time have you spent together?

3. How did you meet?

4. What kind of things have you done together?

5. What are your families/parents concerns?

6. When do you want to get married?

SPIRITUAL LIFE

1. Are both of you Christians?

2. Do you know what the bible says about marriage?

3. Have you prayed about this decision?

4. Where will you attend church?

POSITIVE ATTITUDES

1. Is the person critical?

2. Is the person happy?

RELATIONSHIPS

1. How does the other person relate to others?

2. Does he or she communicate well? Is she or he willing to work to become a better

communicator?

EMOTIONAL HEALTH

1. What do you like about yourself?

2. What do you do when you become angry? Have you been angry with each other? how did you

react?

3. What are the five reasons you want to get married?(marriage should not happen to solve personal

problems or to please someone else. Reasons like this are a sign of danger)

4. How do you handle change?

5. Describe your relationship with your parents. Are they not very controlling over you?

6. Are you stable in your emotions?

7. How do you make decision?

EXPECTATIONS:What you expect in a marriage

1. Do you believe that marriage is a commitment until death?

2. What is a good husband like?Describe him.

3. How much time do you think you will spend together?

4. What do you think you will do together during free time?

5. Do you expect that both of you will earn money?

6. What kind of social standing do you want your spouse to have?

7. How do you think you will spend holidays?

8. How do you expect to interact with the family of your spouse?

9. How will your spouse show love and respect to you?

10. How will your spouse know that something is bothering you?

11. How do you expect your spouse to show sorrow for hurting your feelings?
12. What are the reasons for divorce?

(many questions can still come up depending on the responses)

PHYSICAL HEALTH

1. Are you healthy?

2. Do you have any long term health problems?

3. Are you free from sexual diseases? Have you been tested? Still you have to go and test together.

4. Do you understand your own body and sexual functions? Explain if necessary

5. What if one of you become crippled or very ill?

6. Is there any chronic disease in your family line-age?

CHILDREN

1. How many children would you like to have?

2. What are your plans for family planning?

3. Do you value boys and girls equally?

4. Have you got any child?(if yes will they be coming to stay with you?How do they feel about this

marriage?How are you preparing them for this marriage?

5. How soon after marriage do you want children?

6. What kind of Education do you want for your children?

7. How do you want your children to interact with your family?

8. What if you cannot have children?

9. D o you know the implications of child bearing on her body structure?Are you prepared to live wi

them.
SEXUAL ISSUES {burning fats )

Are you both sexually healthy? Any abnormality or not?

1. Does the person tempt you and try to satisfy sexual desire?

2. What do you expect of your sexual life? Have you received education about sexual issues?

3. Have you had any sexual experience with anyone?(If yes, you need to pursue the matter. How

long ago? How does your partner feel about this?

4. Have you ever been sexually abused?

5. What is the purpose of sexual intercourse in marriage?-child bearing /having fun?

6. What is your plan of staying sexually pure until marriage? Have you been following it well?

QUESTIONS ABOUT COMMON VALUES AND DIFFERENCES

1. .What are your ages?

2. Where did you grow up?

3. What is your educational background?

4. Do you share your feelings easily or are you private?

5. What are the three things which interest you the most?stop

QUESTIONS ABOUT FINANCES

1. Are you working?

2. Have you any debts?

3. Do you know about budget?

4. Do you tithe?
5. What have you saved to bring into marriage or for marriage?

6. Will you share a bank account with your spouse?

7. Who will manage finances in your home?

Couples we counselled in Metsvill AOG

Bro GaolatlheMolifi and Sis Gofaone married on: 02 and 9 th December 2018

Bro Larona E lebotse and Sis KoketsoMajeremani married on Date: 24 October 2020

Sis MphoRuele and Bro ThatoMokgwaele

Fatherhood
To succeed in other capacities and fail as a father is , in Gods sight to fail.

Our purpose is to identify what it takes tobe a successful husband or father

To understand fatherhood we must first have the revelation of God as the father= God is

the father> the creator of the universe.

Eph 3:14-15 “ family” is patra- which comes from Pater>the latin word to father, so the

straightforward translation would be “I bow my knee to the father, from whom every

fatherhood in heaven and earth derives its name”. all fatherhood in the universe did not

begin on earth , nor begin in time or human history. It began in heaven. That’s point back

to God the father. John1:1 father hood is revealed by having a relationship

John 4:16 it is also revealed in Gods nature “love” for god is love. The creation is the

expression and out working of His fatherly love

- All creation responds to the father>

- Ps. 147:4

- Mt.6:26 your heavenly father feeds them

- Manifesting the Father: jesus manifested the father

- 1. Death on the cross to pay penality for our sins, so that we might be

forgiven

- 2.revealed Gods love as our father to make us Gods children jhn 17:6, 26, jhn

14;6

- A revelation that only the son could bring ! a revelation of the father

Mt.11:27

BENEFITS OF KNOWING THE FATHER

1. Identity> who am i? without who his or her father is

Children –parents relationship have broken down in the last generation

-contemporary society is suffering an identity crisis. Many are rootless;

they have no sense of belonging.

- Christianity has to answer to the cry ; by bringing men and women into

a direct, personal relationship with God the father through jesus Christ

te son. People who know God as the father no longer has identity

problem.

2. Self worth 1john3:1-comprehending that we are the children of God

that God loves us intimately, personally and desires a direct and personal

relationship with us, then we discover our self worth.

3. awareness of a home in heaven luke 16:22

4 total security luke 12;32

6. Motivation for service phil 2:3

HOW WILL EARTHLY FATHERS OR HUMAN FATHERS REPRESENT THE

FATHERHOOD OF GOD IN THER HOMES

-The father as priest> to be a real father is the most perfect depiction of God that any

man can archive;because it is the ultimate revelation of God himself. In fact every man

represent God to his family

DO YOU AS FATHERS REPRESENT GOD RIGHTLY OR WRONGLY?

1COR 11:3 God the father > Christ > the Husband >and the wife
There are three ministries of Crist in which the father should represent him to his family:

PRIEST, PROPHET AND KING

A father’s success as a priest determines his success as prophet and king

Duties of a priest is to offer sacrifice_ biblically only a priest offer sacrifice

A father offer sacrifice on behalf of his family

1. Offering thanks giving (Hebrew 13:15, numbers 6:27)

2. Making intercession ( job 42:12-13

3. Making the way for salvation (Exo 12:3,22-23)

4. Teach the word (faith). Mark 9:23-24

Father as prophet, there are difference between roles of a priest and a prophet

-priest represent your family to God

As a prophet represent God to your family

1.Representing God by example

2.representGod through teaching ; Eph 6:4, Deut 11:18, 11:1,19

3. saving your family in the last days; Luke 17:26, Hebrew 11:7, Gensis 6:13

FATHER AS A KING

His role is to govern his family on behalf of God1tim 3:4-5

Courtship and Marriage

Few points to consider before marriage: -marriage demands many personal adjustments

-each family is unique or marriage( don’t expect your mate to be like any other person)

-marriage demands commitment

-marriage is designed for life time till death do us part

-marriage demands providing for your family

DATING; is simply a reference to opportunity to spend time together; an opportunity to know

one another without strings attatched.

DATING and a reasonable period of courtship can provide a good foundation for a happy and

successful marriage

- During this period couple develops their relationship that helps them to assess

whether they a heading somewhere.

Caution to Christians :it should be different form non-believers, you should set godly standards

- Do it with all responsibility, faithfulness, holiness and sincerity before the all-

present God and the community in which we live.

- Don’t be quick in choosing take time to know her. Remember you are choosing a

life partner be extra careful and trust God to lead you.

- Purpose of dating

No commitments should be made during dating

Courtship

The context of today young person to find a life partner is not simple

What to be avoided in courtship

-revelation “approach”approaching the sister under the pretext that he is acting on the revelation

from the lord that she is to be his wife.

- choosing a mate on grounds of same race, tribal, or educational level.

-choosing a mate without relatives approval- a wise person will inform and involve his family

right from the beginning

-choosing a mate based on parents friendship

- marrying someone out of sympathy; never marry someone because they are poor,

-marrying someone because of fortune

-getting in to a new relationship immediately after disappointment. Allow time to heal

-getting married to someone because they are beautiful or celebrity. Don’t go for fame and riches

; go for a person with character and one who is responsible prov.31;30, 6:25-26

Important principles to consider in mate selection

Principles in this case are values, ethics, and moralities

-put God first ‘prov. 3;5-7, mat. 7:7,8 putting God first means to develop your relationship in the

fear of the lord and his word.

- start your relationship as friends

-christ must be the center of your relationship

Becareful when feelings start to run updeep

3. Choose to obey GOD

4. Know yourself and especially your weakness, know the other person too.

5. Communicate openly what you expect from such a relationship

6. Recognize your limits

7. Enjoy the lord with others in fellowship ; do not isolate yourself from other believers

8. Do not visit the house of the person you intend to marry alone, be in company of another

person

9. Falling in love is a normal thing; it is a gift from God. It is to be welcomed at the right

time .not to feel it is worldly or sinful. Just commit it to the lord and surrender it to Him

to control and guide its development.

10. Share the same values. Amose 3:3 during courting you must check intelligently if you

share the same values. Better broken courtship than marriage.

11. Focus more on character and inward beauty 1 Sam 25:3

12. Courtship is a time for deliberate , ever deepening self-disclosure, never cheat anyone

into marrying you! You will only regret later and suffer for it. All secrets that your future

spouse needs to know must be openly shared. This includes if you have child out of

wedlock, stds , sickness, whatever situation.

13. Openly share your faith, experiences and fears

14. Get to know the family of your spouse

15. Seek the counsel of mature believers

16. Finally make a decision based on three “ps” your Past and Parents opinion and finally

Peace in your spirit.

What is the right age for a person to get married ; most communities regard a person fully

mature when they are attain 21yrs and above. For a lady 21- 30 although each one is free

to marry at the age of their choice. Medical people recommend the age 25-35. Women

are discouraged to have babies after the age 35

-for men recommended age is 25yrs and above, at this age he is believed to be mature to

handle marital issues and care for the family

Preparing for marriage

MENTAL HEALTH
Mental health is level of psychological well being or an absence of mental illness. It is the

“psychological state of someone who is functioning at a satisfactory level of emotional and

behavioral adjustment”. It may include an individual’s ability to enjoy life , and create a

balance between life activities and efforts to achieve psychological resilience.

According to Who, MENTAL HEALTH includes “subjective well- being, perceived self –

efficacy, autonomy, competence, inter-generational dependence, and self –actualization of

one’s intellectual potential, among others. Who further states that the well-being of an

individual is encompassed in the realization of their abilities, coping with normal stresses of

life, productive work and contribution to theircommunity?

A widely accepted definition by psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud the capacity “ to work and

love” is considered simple and accurate.

According to the USA. Surgeon general (1999), mental health is the successful performance

of mental function, resulting in productive activities, fulfilling relationships with other

people and providing the ability to adapt to change and cope with adversity.

The person struggling with his or her mental health may experience stress, depression,

anxiety, relationship problems, and grief. Addiction, learning disabilities, mood disorder.

Therapists, psychiatrists, or physicians, psychologists, social workers, nurse practionerscan

help manage mental illness with treatments such as therapy, counselling, or medication.

Mental illness are categorized as follows;

Neurosis; also knows as psychoneuroses, neuroses are minor mental illness like phobias,

obsessive-compulsive disoders, and anxiety disorder and others.

Psychosis: psychoses are major mental illnesses in which the mental state impairs thoughts,

perception and judgement. Delusions and Hallucinations are marked symptoms. This may

require the use of psychotic drugs as well as counselling techniques in order to treat them.

Stress management

Goals of grief counseling

Is to help the bereved adapt to the loss of a loved one and he or she be able to adjust to a

new reality without him or her.

4 goals of mouning

1.awareness of the reality of the loss

2.helping the conselee dael with both emotional and behavioral pain

3.helping the counselee overcome various impediments to readjustment after the loss

4.

Who does grief counseling?

Counseling principles and procedures

1. Help the mouner actualize the loss

The first greif task is to come to a more complete awareness that the loss actually

has occurred and that person is dead and will not return. Survivors must accept this

reality before they can deal with the emotional impact of the loss.
How ? talk about the loss. Where, how ,what was said at the service, it is more like a

funeral before they can actually come to the full awareness

2.help identify and experience feelings

Many clients come for counseling because they want immedieate relief from their

pain. Some of the feelings that are problematic to savivors are anger, guilt, anxiety,

helplessness, and lowliness.

Anger . many people experience intense anger

Sadness: crying alone may be useful , but it may not be efficacious as crying with

someone and receiving support,

Focus

Dating and courtship and marriage

What is courtship?
Christian courtship starts when a matured single man after a clear conviction from God that a

single lady is meant to be his wife, decides to propose his intentions of marriage to the lady and

the matured single lady also decides to accept his proposal after a clear conviction from God that

the man is meant to be her husband. The period during which they relate together, knowing

themselves more and planning their future together before marriage, is what is known as

courtship.

From the definition above we need to expound on some key words used.

-Conviction and intention of marriage

1. Conviction. What is conviction? Means knowing, a firm belief that is accompanied by

inner witness and inner peace that a person is your right partner( which must be as a

result of your fellowship with God through prayers and constant study of His word).

People have said courtship and dating are the same. Others have refuted this, maintaining that

the two are not the same. I believe that today we need to leave this place with a clear

understanding on these different types of relationships. Genesis 2:23; 2:24. ‘the adverb

“therefore” makes clear that the reason marriage will take place is because of the conviction of

the man in verse 23.

Many people stars courtship and some even get married on the basis of mere feelings and others

reasons without any conviction, only to find out that the relationship or marriage does not last.

Any relationship that is not bases on conviction may not last. It is conviction that sustains

relationship and marriage. Others things (feelings, attraction etc). may fail but conviction will

keep the relationship and marriage going.

It is very important to seek God’s will in marriage. Deciding who to marry is one of the

important decisions to make in life. Let your primary reason for marriage be based on the

conviction that a particular person is God’s will for you.

Marriage is not just a status or an event , it’s a continuation for God’s plan for your life.

Dating: is a type of relationship that starts when a brother feels he needs more than friendship

from a sister and expresses his love or feelings to the lady. Most of the time is a guess work to

see if it will lead to marriage. It does not originate from the bible. Sometimes, it could even be

without intentions of marriage.

We said courtship is.

Being engaged means you have agreed to marry someone. For a Christian, you are engaged once

you start a courtship with someone.

Dating is not courtship. Dating is a process of getting to know each other to know each other to

determine suitability, adaptability and complementarily. Usually there is no revelation

knowledge or conviction involved and there is no clear commitment to get married.

Courtship on the other hand, is a relationship that starts after a man and a lady agreed to get

married. It is based on mutual conviction of each ones suitability for the other .

I believe courtship is the biblical model . we get some insight into this in mat. 1:18 the word

espoused to joseph before they came together

No intention of getting married in Dating , one makes at his own time after checking each other,

but you make intentions of getting married known in courtship/

Dating; prove.3:5

Courtship for Christian depend on God for guidance, conviction

Suitability versus compatability genesis 2:18

Suitability-being rightor appropriate

Compatibility- the ability of two people or thing to leave together without problems. God is more

interested in the person who is right for you than who will leave with you. Suitability comes

before a man cleave to his wife.

Suitability meeting the right man or woman at the right at the right time for the right purpose

Compatibility is two different people coming together to work on their differences for the

fuilfilment of purpose.

Friendship to courtship

Purpose before proposal

Age to start courtship

-divine leading

-readiness for marriage

-maturity
Role of mantors, pastors and parents in courtship

Jeremiah 3:15, Hebrews 13:17