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UNDER  THE  PUNKAH. 


BY 

PHIL   ROBINSON, 

AUTHOR  OF   "IN  MY  INDIAN   GARDEN,"  ETC. 


llontiou : 

SAMPSON  LOW,  MARSTON,  SEARLE,  &   RIVINGTON, 
CROWN   BUILDINGS,  188,  FLEET  STREET. 

1881. 
[All rights  reserved.} 


sanw 


IN  MY  INDIAN  GARDEN. 

WITH  A  PREFACE 

BY  EDWIN  ARNOLD,  M.A.,  C.S.I.,  F.R.G.S.,  ETC. 
Third  Edition. 


"UNDER  THE  PUNKAH." 


PREFATORY  MOTTOES, 

BY   WAY   OF   ARGUMENT. 

PAGE 

THE  MAN-EATING  TREE i 

' '  But  say,  where  grows  this  Tree,  from  hence  how  far  ?  ' 

Eve  to  Serpent. 
"On  the  blasted  heath 
Fell  Upas  sits,  the  Hydra-tree  of  death." — Darwin. 

"  Here  the  foul  harpies  build  their  nests 

.  .  .  with  rueful  sound, 
Perch'd  in  the  dismal  tree,  they  fill  the  air." — Dante. 

"  Not  a  tree  is  to  be  found  in  the  valley.     Not  a  beast 
or  bird,  or  any  living  thing,  lives  in  its  vicinity." — Foersch. 

MY  WIFE'S  BIRDS 14 

THE  PARROT 17 

"  That  odious  libel  of  a  human  voice." — Cffwper. 

"His  words,  like  arrows 
That  know  no  aim  beyond  the  archer's  wit, 
Strike  sometimes  what  eludes  philosophy." — Shelley. 

THE  BULLFINCH 26 

'•"  The  mellow  bullfinch." — Thompson. 

"  Whistles  soft  his  flute-like  note." — Savage. 


iv  Prefatory  Mottoes. 

PAGE 

THE  CANARY 27 

"  A  bird  for  thee  in  silken  bands  I  hold, 
Whose  yellow  plumage  shines  like  polished  gold. 
From  distant  isles  the  lovely  stranger  came, 
And  bears  the  fortunate  Canaries'  name." — Lyttleton. 

THE  LINNET         .  27 

"The  warbling  (Philips),  chirping  (Falconer),  artless 
(Shenstone),  merry  (Scotf),  chanting  (Burns),  linnet,  with 
unnumbered  notes  (Cunningham}" 

HUNTING  OF  THE  SOKO •        -35 

"  My  lords,  a  solemn  hunting  is  in  hand." 

Titus  Andronicus. 

"  It  is  no  gentle  chase." — Venus  and  Adonis. 

"  Whence  and  what  art  thou,  execrable  shape  ? 
That  darest,  though  grim  and  terrible,  to  advance 
Thy  miscreated  front." — Paradise  Lost. 

"  You  do  it  wrong,  being  so  majestical, 
To  offer  it  the  show  of  violence." — Hamlet. 

"  God  made  him,  and  therefore  let  him  pass  for  a  man." 

Portia. 

"  With  a  groan  that  had  something  terribly  human  in  it, 
and  yet  was  full  of  brutishness,  the  man-ape  fell  forward 
on  his  face." — Du  Chaillu. 

LEGEND  OF  THE  BLAMELESS  PRIEST 64 

SIGHT-SEEING 73 

EASTERN  SMELLS  AND  WESTERN  NOSES     ....   169 

"We  confess  that  beside  the  smell  of  species  there  may 
be  individual  odours  .  .  .  but  that  an  unsavoury  odour  is 
gentilitious  or  national,  if  rightly  understood,  we  cannot  well 
concede,  nor  will  the  information  of  reason  or  sense  induce 
it." — Sir  Thos.  Broiune. 


Prefatory  Mottoes.  v 

PAGE 

"A  nose  stood  in  the  middle  of  her  face." — lago. 

"A  good  nose  is  requisite  also,  to  smell  out  work  for 
the  other  senses." — Aulolycus. 

"  The  literature  of  Noses  is  extensive.  Sterne  has  a 
chapter  on  them  in  '  Tristram  Shandy,'  and  other  authors 
have  contributed  respectively  '  a  Sermon  on  Noses ;' 
'  On  the  Dignity,  Gravity,  and  Authority  of  Noses ;' 
'  The  Noses  of  Adam  and  Eve ;'  '  Pious  Meditations 
on  the  Nose  of  the  Virgin  Mary  ;'  '  Review  of  Noses.' 
Shakespeare  was  never  tired  of  poking  fun  at  the  nose  or 
drawing  morals  from  it,  but  what  is  more  remarkable  it 
might  easily  be  proved  constructively  from  what  he  has 
said  that  he  believed  with  Professor  Jager  that  '  the  nose  is 
the  soul."' — Orielana 

GAMINS 181 

"They  are  not  dirty  by  chance — or  accident — say  twice 
or  thrice  per  diem,  but  they  are  always  dirty." 

Christopher  North, 

"O,  for  my  sake  do  you  with  Fortune  chide, 
The  guilty  goddess  of  my  harmful  deeds, 
That  did  not  better  for  my  life  provide 
Than  public  means,  which  public  manners  breeds. 

Sonnet  (Shakespeare). 

STONE  THROWING 183 

"  That  trick  of  throwing  a  stone  at  a  tree  and  attaching 
some  mighty  issue  to  hitting  or  missing,  which  you  will  find 
mentioned  in  one  or  more  biographies,  I  well  remember." 

Wendell  Holmes. 

"  ist  Serv. — Nay,  if  we  be  forbidden  stones,  we'll  fall 
to  it  with  our  teeth."—  Henry  VI. 

"  That  boy,  rather  than  not  throw  at  all,  would  throw 
the  corner-stone  of  his  father's  house,  or  his  grandfather's 
gravestone,  the  Helga  Feli  sanctified  to  Norway  by  Thorolff 
or  the  black  crystal  of  the  Kaaba,  the  blarney  stone,  or  the 
holy  rocks  of  Stennis.  Nothing  would  be  sacred  from  him, 


vi  Prefatory  Mottoes. 

PAGE 

if  he  wanted  to  throw.  But  he  might  plead  the  practice  to 
be  sanctified ;  for,  setting  aside  other  precedents,  did  not 
Adam  and  Abraham  pelt  the  Devil  with  stones  when  he 
disturbed  them  at  prayers,  and  had  not  the  Greeks  many 
stones  which  the  gods  themselves  threw  down  from  Olym- 
pus. Jupiter  was  always  throwing  stones.  Thus  old  Lear, 
invoking  punishment,  calls  on  the  gods  to  pelt  him  with 
'  stones  of  sulphur.5  " — Orielana. 

TAILORS 193 

"  Some  foolish  knave,  I  think,  it  first  began 
The  slander  that  three  tailors  are  one  man." — Taylor. 

"O  monstrous  arrogance  !    Thou  liest, 
Thou  thread,  thou  thimble, 
Thou  yard,  three  quarters,  half 
Yard,  quarter,  nail ; 

Thou  flea,  thou  nit,  thou  winter  cricket,  thou 
Braved  in  mine  own  house  with  a  skein  of  thread  ! 
Away,  thou  rag,  thou  quantity,  thou  remnant !" 

Taming  of  the  Shreiv. 

"  Give  the  gods  a  thankful  sacrifice.     When  it  pleaseth 
their  deities  to  take  the  wife  of  a  man  from  him,  it  shows  to 
man  the  tailors  of  the  earth." — Antony  and  Cleopatra. 
"  A  tailor  makes  a  man?    Aye,  a  tailor,  sir." — Lear. 
"  Remember  how  Master  Feeble,   '  the  forcible  Feeble,' 
proved  himself  the  best  of  Falstaff's  recruits  ;  with  what 
discretion  Robin  Starveling  played  the  part  of  Thisby"s 
mother  before  the  Duke,  and  do  not  forget  to  their  credit 
the  public  spirit  of  the  tailors  of  Tooley  Street." — Orielana. 
"  I  have  a  honest  lad  to  my  taylor,  who  I  never  knew 
guilty  of  one  truth — no,  not  when  it  had  been  to  his 
advantage  not  to  lye." — Montaigne. 

THE  HARA-KIRI 198 

"  Escape  in  deeath  from  obloquy  I  sought, 
Though  just  to  others,  to  myself  unjust." — Dante. 


Prefatory  Mottoes.  vii 

PAGB 

"  Temea,  lassa  !  la  morte,  e  non  avca, 
Poi  di  fuggirla  ardire." — Tasso. 

"The  pitiful, pitiless  knife." — Tennyson. 
"  Oh  !  happy  dagger."— Juliet. 

ISTE  PUER 2IO 

"  Let  him  mature  :  you  cannot  ripen  fruit  by  beating  it." 

Telugu  Proverb. 

"His  disgrace  is  to  be  called  boy." — Love's  Labour  Lost. 
"  Unrespective  boys." — Richard  HI. 

"  St.  Nicholas  thought  well  enough  of  boys  to  become 
their  patron  saint." — Orielana. 

DEATH,  THE  DAUGHTER  OF  MERCY 224 

DOGS  WE  HAVE  ALL  MET .  23! 

"  Give  to  dogs  what  thou  deny'st  to  men." 

Timon  of  Athens. 
"  In  the  Rabbinical  book  it  saith 
The  dogs  howl  when  with  icy  breath 
Great  Sammael  the  Angel  of  Death. 

Takes  through  the  town  his  flight. " — Longfellow. 


2  Under  the  Punkali. 

the  earth  with  something  more  than  ordinary  diligence. 
But  in  the  narrative  of  his  travels  he  did  not,  unfortunately, 
preserve  the  judicious  caution  of  Xenophon  between 
"  the  thing  seen  "  and  "  the  thing  heard,"  and  thus  it  came 
about  that  the  town-councillors  of  Brunsbiittel  (to  whom 
he  had  shown  a  duck-billed  platypus,  caught  alive  by 
him  in  Australia,  and  who  had  him  posted  for  "an 
importer  of  artificial  vermin  ")  were  not  alone  in  their 
scepticism  of  some  of  the  old  man's  tales. 

Thus,  for  instance,  who  could  hear  and  believe  the  tale 
of  the  man-sucking  tree  from  which  he  had  barely  escaped 
with  life  ?  He  called  it  himself  "  more  terrible  than  the 
Upas." — "  This  awful  plant,  that  rears  its  splendid  death- 
shade  in  the  central  solitude  of  a  Nubian  fern  forest, 
sickens  by  its  unwholesome  humours  all  vegetation  from  its 
immediate  vicinity,  and  feeds  upon  the  wild  beasts  that,  in 
the  terror  of  the  chase,  or  the  heat  of  noon,  seek  the 
thick  shelter  of  its  boughs  ;  upon  the  birds  that,  flitting 
across  the  open  space,  come  within  the  charmed  circle 
of  its  power,  or  innocently  refresh  themselves  from  the 
cups  of  its  great  waxen  flowers ;  upon  even  man  himself 
when,  an  infrequent  prey,  the  savage  seeks  its  asylum  in 
the  storm,  or  turns  from  the  harsh  foot-wounding  sword- 
grass  of  the  glade,  to  pluck  the  wondrous  fruit  that 
hang  plumb  down  among  the  wondrous  foliage."  And  such 
fruit ! — "glorious  golden  ovals,  great  honey  drops,  swelling 
by  their  own  weight  into  pear-shaped  translucencies. 
The  foliage  glistens  with  a  strange  dew,  that  all  day  long 


The  Man-eating  Tree.  3 

drips  on  to  the  ground  below,  nurturing  a  rank  growth  of 
grasses,  which  shoot  up  in  places  so  high  that  their  spikes 
of  fierce  blood-fed  green  show  far  up  among  the  deep- 
tinted  foliage  of  the  terrible  tree,  and,  like  a  jealous 
body-guard,  keep  concealed  the  fearful  secret  of  the 
charnel-house  within,  and  draw  round  the  black  roots  of 
the  murderous  plant  a  decent  screen  of  living  green." 

Such  was  his  description  of  the  plant ;  and  the  other 
day,  looking  up  in  a  botanical  dictionary,  I  find  that  there 
is  really  known  to  naturalists  a  family  of  "  carnivorous  " 
plants ;  but  I  see  that  they  are  most  of  them  very  small, 
and  prey  upon  little  insects  only.  My  maternal  uncle, 
however,  knew  nothing  of  this,  for  he  died  before  the 
days  of  the  discovery  of  the  sun  dew  and  pitcher  plants, 
and  grounding  his  knowledge  of  the  man-sucking  tree 
simply  on  his  own  terrible  experience  of  it,  explained  its 
existence  by  theories  of  his  own.  Denying  the  fixity  of 
all  the  laws  of  nature  except  one,  that  the  stronger  shall 
endeavour  to  consume  the  weaker,  and  "  holding  even 
this  fixity  to  be  itself  only  a  means  to  a  greater  general 
changefulness,"  he  argued  that— since  any  partial  distri- 
bution of  the  faculty  of  self-defence  would  presume  an 
unworthy  partiality  in  the  Creator,  and  since  the  sensual 
instincts  of  beast  and  vegetable  are  manifestly  analogous — 
"  the  world  must  be  as  percipient  as  sentient  throughout." 
Carrying  on  his  theory  (for  it  was  something  more  than 
"  hypothesis  "  with  him)  a  stage  or  two  further,  he  arrived 
at  the  belief  that,  "  given  the  necessity  of  any  imminent 
B  2 


4  Under  the  Punkah. 

danger  or  urgent  self-interest,  every  animal  or  vegetable 
could  eventually  revolutionize  its  nature,  the  wolf  feeding 
on  grass  or  nesting  in  trees,  and  the  violet  arming  her- 
self with  thorns  or  entrapping  insects." 

"How?"  he  would  ask,  "can  we  claim  for  man  the 
consequence  of  perceptions  to  sensations,  and  yet  deny 
to  beasts  that  hear,  see,  feel,  smell,  and  taste,  a  percipient 
principle  co-existent  with  their  senses  ?  And  if  in  the 
whole  range  of  the  '  animate '  world  there  is  this  gift  of 
self-defence  against  extirpation  and  offence  against 
weakness,  why  is  the  '  inanimate  '  world,  holding  as  fierce 
a  struggle  for  existence  as  the  other,  to  be  left  defence- 
less and  unarmed  ?  And  I  deny  that  it  is.  The  Brazilian 
epiphyte  strangles  the  tree  and  sucks  out  its  juices.  The 
tree,  again,  to  starve  off  its  vampire  parasite,  withdraws 
its  juices  into  its  roots,  and  piercing  the  ground  in 
some  new  place,  turns  the  current  of  its  sap  into  other 
growths.  The  epiphyte  then  drops  off  the  dead  boughs 
on  to  the  fresh  green  sprouts  springing  from  the  ground 
beneath  it — and  so  the  fight  goes  on.  Again,  look  at 
the  Indian  peepul  tree ;  in  what  does  the  fierce  yearning 
of  its  roots  towards  the  distant  well  differ  from  the  sad 
struggling  of  the  camel  to  the  oasis  or  of  Sennacherib's 
army  to  the  saving  Nile  ? 

"  Is  the  sensitive  plant  unconscious  !  I  have  walked 
for  miles  through  plains  of  it,  and  watched,  till  the 
watching  almost  made  me  afraid  lest  the  plants  should 
pluck  up  courage  and  turn  upon  me,  the  green 


T/ie  Man-eating  Tree.  5 

carpet  paling  into  silver  grey  before  my  feet,  and 
fainting  away  all  round  me  as  I  walked.  So  strangely 
did  I  feel  the  influence  of  this  universal  aversion,  that  I 
would  have  argued  with  the  plant ;  but  what  was  the  use  ? 
If  only  I  stretched  out  my  hands,  the  mere  shadow  of 
the  limb  terrified  the  vegetable  to  sickness ;  shrubs  crum  • 
bled  up  at  every  commencement  of  my  speech;  and  at  my 
periods  great  sturdy-looking  bushes,  to  whose  robustness 
I  had  foolishly  appealed,  sank  in  pallid  supplication. 
Not  a  leaf  would  keep  me  company.  A  breath  went  forth 
from  me  that  sickened  life.  My  mere  presence  para- 
lyzed life,  and  I  was  glad  at  last  to  come  out  among 
a  less  timid  vegetation,  and  to  feel  the  resentful  spear- 
grass  retaliating  on  the  heedlessness  that  would  have 
crushed  it.  The  vegetable  world,  however,  has  its 
revenges.  You  may  keep  the  guinea-pig  in  a  hutch,  but 
how  will  you  pet  the  basilisk  ?  The  little  sensitive  plant 
in  your  garden  amuses  your  children  (who  will  find 
pleasure  also  in  seeing  cockchafers  spin  round  on  a 
pin),  but  how  could  you  transplant  a  vegetable  that  seizes 
the  running  deer,  strikes  down  the  passing  bird,  and 
once  taking  hold  of  him,  sucks  the  carcase  of  man 
himself,  till  his  matter  becomes  as  vague  as  his  mind, 
and  all  his  '  animate '  capabilities  cannot  snatch  him  from 
the  terrible  embrace  of — God  help  him  ! — an  '  inanimate ' 
tree  ?  " 

"  Many  years  ago,"  said  my  uncle,  "  I  turned  my  rest- 
less steps  towards  Central  Africa,  and  made  the  journey 


6  Under  the  Punkah. 

from  where  the  Senegal  empties  itself  into  the  Atlantic 
to  the  Nile,  skirting  the  Great  Desert,  and  reaching  Nubia 
on  my  way  to  the  eastern  coast.  I  had  with  me  then  three 
native  attendants,  two  of  them  brothers,  the  third,  Otona, 
a  young  savage  from  the  gaboon  uplands,  a  mere  lad  in 
his  teens ;  and  one  day,  leaving  my  mule  with  the  two 
men,  who  were  pitching  my  tent  for  the  night,  I  went 
on  with  my  gun,  the  boy  accompanying  me,  towards  a 
fern  forest,  which  I  saw  in  the  near  distance.  As  I 
approached  it  I  found  the  forest  was  cut  into  two 
by  a  wide  glade,  and  seeing  a  small  herd  of  the  common 
antelope,  an  excellent  beast  in  the  pot,  browsing  their 
way  along  the  shaded  side,  I  crept  after  them.  Though 
ignorant  of  their  real  danger,  the  herd  was  suspicious, 
and  slowly  trotting  along  before  me,  enticed  me  for  a  mile 
or  more  along  the  verge  of  the  fern  growths.  Turning 
a  corner  I  suddenly  became  aware  of  a  solitary  tree 
growing  in  the  middle  of  the  glade— one  tree  alone.  It 
struck  me  at  once  that  I  had  never  seen  a  tree  exactly  like 
it  before  ;  but  being  intent  upon  venison  for  my  supper, 
I  looked  at  it  only  long  enough  to  satisfy  my  first 
surprise  at  seeing  a  single  plant  of  such  rich  growth 
flourishing  luxuriantly  in  a  spot  where  only  the  harsh 
fern-canes  seemed  to  thrive. 

"  The  deer  meanwhile  were  midway  between  me  and 
the  tree,  and  looking  at  them  I  saw  they  were  going  to 
cross  the  glade.  Exactly  opposite  them  was  an  opening 
in  the  forest,  in  which  I  should  certainly  have  lost  my 


The  Man-eating  Tree.  7 

supper ;  so  I  fired  into  the  middle  of  the  family  as  they 
were  filing  before  me.  I  hit  a  young  fawn,  and  the  rest 
of  the  herd,  wheeling  round  in  their  sudden  terror,  made 
off  in  the  direction  of  the  tree,  leaving  the  fawn  struggling 
on  the  ground.  Otona,  the  boy,  ran  forward  at  my  order 
to  secure  it,  but  the  little  creature  seeing  him  coming, 
attempted  to  follow  its  comrades,  and  at  a  fair  pace 
held  on  their  course.  The  herd  had  meanwhile  reached 
the  tree,  but  suddenly,  instead  of  passing  under  it, 
swerved  in  their  career,  and  swept  round  it  at  some  yards 
distance. 

"  Was  I  mad  ?  or  did  the  plant  really  try  to  catch  the 
deer?  On  a  sudden  I  saw,  or  thought  I  saw,  the  tree 
violently  agitated,  and  while  the  ferns  all  round  were 
standing  motionless  in  the  dead  evening  air,  its  boughs 
were  swayed  by  some  sudden  gust  towards  the  herd, 
and  swept  in  the  force  of  their  impulse  almost  to  the 
ground.  I  drew  my  hand  across  my  eyes,  closed  them 
for  a  moment,  and  looked  again.  The  tree  was  as  mo- 
tionless as  myself ! 

"  Towards  it,  and  now  close  to  it,  the  boy  was  running 
in  excited  pursuit  of  the  fawn.  He  stretched  out  his 
hands  to  catch  it.  It  bounded  from  his  eager  grasp. 
Again  he  reached  forward,  and  again  it  escaped  him. 
There  was  another  rush  forward,  and  the  next  instant 
boy  and  deer  were  beneath  the  tree. 

"  And  now  there  was  no  mistaking  what  I  saw. 

"  The  tree  was  convulsed  with  motion,  leaned  forward, 


8  Under  the  Punkah. 

swept  its  thick  foliaged  boughs  to  the  ground,  and 
enveloped  from  my  sight  the  pursuer  and  the  pursued  ! 
I  was  within  a  hundred  yards,  and  the  cry  of  Otona 
from  the  midst  of  the  tree  came  to  me  in  all  the  clear- 
ness of  its  agony.  There  was  then  one  stifled,  strang- 
ling scream,  and  except  for  the  agitation  of  the  leaves 
where  they  had  closed  upon  the  boy,  there  was  not  a 
sign  of  life! 

"  I  called  out  '  Otona  !'  No  answer  came.  I  tried  to 
call  out  again,  but  my  utterance  was  like  that  of  some 
wild  beast  smitten  at  once  with  sudden  terror  and  its 
death  wound.  I  stood  there,  changed  from  all  semblance 
of  a  human  being.  Not  all  the  terrors  of  earth  together 
could  have  made  me  take  my  eye  from  the  awful  plant, 
or  my  foot  off  the  ground.  I  must  have  stood  thus  for 
at  least  an  hour,  for  the  shadows  had  crept  out  from  the 
forest  half  across  the  glade  before  that  hideous  paroxysm 
of  fear  left  me.  My  first  impulse  then  was  to  creep 
stealthily  away  lest  the  tree  should  perceive  me,  but  my 
returning  reason  bade  me  approach  it.  The  boy 
might  have  fallen  into  the  lair  of  some  beast  of  prey,  or 
perhaps  the  terrible  life  in  the  tree  was  that  of  some 
great  serpent  among  its  branches.  Preparing  to  defend 
myself,  I  approached  the  silent  tree — the  harsh  grass 
crisping  beneath  my  feet  with  a  strange  loudness — the 
cicadas  in  the  forest  shrilling  till  the  air  seemed  throb- 
bing round  me  with  waves  of  sound.  The  terrible  truth 
was  soon  before  me  in  all  its  awful  novelty. 


The  Man-eating  Tree.  9 

"The  vegetable  first  discovered  my  presence  at  about 
fifty  yards  distance.  I  then  became  aware  of  a  stealthy 
motion  among  the  thick-lipped  leaves,  reminding  me  of 
some  wild  beast  slowly  gathering  itself  up  from  long 
sleep,  a  vast  coil  of  snakes  in  restless  motion.  Have  you 
ever  seen  bees  hanging  from  a  bough — a  great  cluster  of 
bodies,  bee  clinging  to  bee — and  by  striking  the  bough, 
or  agitating  the  air,  caused  that  massed  life  to  begin 
sulkily  to  disintegrate,  each  insect  asserting  its  individual 
right  to  move  ?  And  do  you  remember  how,  without  one 
bee  leaving  the  pensile  cluster,  the  whole  became  gradually 
instinct  with  sullen  life  and  horrid  with  a  multitudinous 
motion  ? 

"  I  came  within  twenty  yards  of  it.  The  tree  was  quiver- 
ing through  every  branch,  muttering  for  blood,  and,  help- 
less with  rooted  feet,  yearning  with  every  branch  towards 
me.  It  was  that  Terror  of  the  Deep  Sea  which  the 
men  of  the  northern  fiords  dread,  and  which,  anchored 
upon  some  sunken  rock,  stretches  into  vain  space  its 
longing  arms,  pellucid  as  the  sea  itself,  and  as  relentless 
— maimed  Polypheme  groping  for  his  victims. 

"  Each  separate  leaf  was  agitated  and  hungry.  Like 
hands  they  fumbled  together,  their  fleshy  palms  curling 
upon  themselves  and  again  unfolding,  closing  on  each 
other  and  falling  apart  again,  thick,  helpless,  fingerless 
hands — rather  lips  or  tongues  than  hands — dimpled 
closely  with  little  cup-like  hollows.  I  approached  nearer 
and  nearer,  step  by  step,  till  I  saw  that  these  soft  horrors 


io  Under  the  Punk  all. 

were   all  of  them  in  motion,  opening  and  closing  in 
cessantly. 

"  I  was  now  within  ten  yards  of  the  farthest  reaching 
bough.  Every  part  of  it  was  hysterical  with  excitement. 
The  agitation  of  its  members  was  awful — sickening  yet 
fascinating.  In  an  ecstasy  of  eagerness  for  the  food  so 
near  them,  the  leaves  turned  upon  each  other.  Two 
meeting  would  suck  together  face  to  face,  with  a  force 
that  compressed  their  joint  thickness  to  a  half,  thinning 
the  two  leaves  into  one,  now  grappling  in  a  volute  like 
a  double  shell,  writhing  like  some  green  worm,  and 
at  last  faint  with  the  violence  of  the  paroxysm,  would 
slowly  separate,  falling  apart  as  leeches  gorged  drop  off 
the  limbs.  A  sticky  dew  glistened  in  the  dimples, 
welled  over,  and  trickled  down  the  leaf.  The  sound  of 
it  dripping  from  leaf  to  leaf  made  it  seem  as  if  the  tree 
was  muttering  to  itself.  The  beautiful  golden  fruit  as 
they  swung  here  and  there  were  clutched  now  by  one 
leaf,  and  now  by  another,  held  for  a  moment  close  en- 
folded from  the  sight,  and  then  as  suddenly  released. 
Here  a  large  leaf,  vampire-like,  had  sucked  out  the 
juices  of  a  smaller  one.  It  hung  limp  and  bloodless, 
like  a  carcase  of  which  the  weasel  has  tired. 

"  I  watched  the  terrible  struggle  till  my  starting  eyes, 
strained  by  intense  attention,  refused  their  office,  and 
I  can  hardly  say  what  I  saw.  But  the  tree  before  me 
seemed  to  have  become  a  live  beast.  Above  me  I  felt 
conscious  was  a  great  limb,  and  each  of  its  thousand 


The  Man-eating  Tree.  1 1 

clammy  hands  reached  downwards  towards  me,  fumbling. 
It  strained,  shivered,  rocked,  and  heaved.  It  flung  itself 
about  in  despair.  The  boughs,  tantalized  to  madness 
with  the  presence  of  flesh,  were  tossed  to  this  side  and 
to  that,  in  the  agony  of  a  frantic  desire.  The  leaves 
were  wrung  together  as  the  hands  of  one  driven  to 
madness  by  sudden  misery.  I  felt  the  vile  dew  spurting 
from  the  tense  veins  fall  upon  me.  My  clothes  began 
to  give  out  a  strange  odour.  The  ground  I  stood  on 
glistened  with  animal  juices. 

"Was  I  bewildered  by  terror?  Had  my  senses 
abandoned  me  in  my  need  ?  I  know  not — but  the  tree 
seemed  to  me  to  be  alive.  Leaning  over  towards  me,  it 
semed  to  be  pulling  up  its  roots  from  the  softened  ground, 
and  to  be  moving  towards  me.  A  mountainous  monster, 
with  myriad  lips,  mumbling  together  for  my  life,  was 
upon  me ! 

"  Like  one  who  desperately  defends  himself  from 
imminent  death,  I  made  an  effort  for  life,  and  fired  my 
gun  at  the  approaching  horror.  To  my  dizzied  senses 
the  sound  seemed  far  off,  but  the  shock  of  the  recoil 
partially  recalled  me  to  myself,  and  starting  back  I  re- 
loaded. The  shot  had  torn  their  way  into  the  soft 
body  of  the  great  thing.  The  trunk  as  it  received  the 
wound  shuddered,  and  the  whole  tree  was  struck  with  a 
sudden  quiver.  A  fruit  fell  down — slipping  from  the 
leaves,  now  rigid  with  swollen  veins,  as  from  carven 
foliage.  Then  I  saw  a  large  arm  slowly  droop,  and 


1 2  Under  the  Pttnkah. 

without  a  sound  it  was  severed  from  the  juice-fattened 
bole,  and  sank  down  softly,  noiselessly,  through  the 
glistening  leaves.  I  fired  again,  and  another  vile  frag- 
ment was  powerless — dead.  At  each  discharge  the  terrible 
vegetable  yielded  a  life.  Piecemeal  I  attacked  it,  killing 
here  a  leaf  and  there  a  branch.  My  fury  increased 
with  the  slaughter  till,  when  my  ammunition  was  ex- 
hausted, the  splendid  giant  was  left  a  wreck — as  if  some 
hurricane  had  torn  through  it.  On  the  ground  lay  heaped 
together  the  fragments,  struggling,  rising  and  falling, 
gasping.  Over  them  drooped  in  dying  languor  a  few 
stricken  boughs,  while  upright  in  the  midst  stood, 
dripping  at  every  joint,  the  glistening  trunk. 

"  My  continued  firing  had  brought  up  one  of  my  men 
on  my  mule.  He  dared  not,  so  he  told  me,  come  near 
me,  thinking  me  mad.  I  had  now  drawn  my  hunting- 
knife,  and  with  this  was  fighting — with  the  leaves.  Yes — 
but  each  leaf  was  instinct  with  a  horrid  life  ;  and  more  than 
once  I  felt  my  hand  entangled  for  a  moment  and  seized 
as  if  by  sharp  lips.  Ignorant  of  the  presence  of  my 
companion  I  made  a  rush  forward  over  the  fallen 
foliage,  and  with  a  last  paroxysm  of  frenzy  drove  my  knife 
up  to  the  handle  into  the  soft  bole,  and,  slipping  on  the 
fast  congealing  sap,  fell,  exhausted  and  unconscious, 
among  the  still  panting  leaves. 

"  My  companions  carried  me  back  to  the  camp,  and 
after  vainly  searching  for  Otona  awaited  my  return  to 
consciousness.  Two  or  three  hours  elapsed  before  I 


The  Man-eating  Tree.  1 3 

could  speak,  and  several  days  before  I  could  approac 
the  terrible  thing.     My  men  would  not  go  near  it.     It 
was  quite  dead ;  for  as  we  came  up  a  great-billed  bird 
with  gaudy  plumage  that  had  been  securely  feasting  on 
the  decaying  fruit,  flew  up  from  the  wreck.    We  remove 
the  rotting  foliage,  and  there,  among  the  dead  leaves 
still  limp  with  juices,  and   piled   round  the  roots,  we 
found  the  ghastly  relics  of  many  former  meals,  and — it 
last  nourishment — the  corpse  of  little  Otona.     To  have 
removed  the  leaves  would  have  taken  too  long,  so  we 
buried  the  body  as  it  was  with  a  hundred  vampire  leaves 
still  clinging  to  it." 

Such,  as  nearly  as  I  remember  it,   was    my  uncle's 
story  of  the  Man-eating  Tree. 


MY  WIFE'S  BIRDS. 


A    REMINISCENCE. 

Y  wife  once  made  up  her  mind  that  she 
wanted  a  bird.  She  had,  she  told  me, 
many  reasons  for  wanting  one.  One  was 
that  the  landlady's  son  was  apprenticed  to  a  bird- 
cage maker,  and  had  promised  to  use  all  his  influence 
with  his  employer — who,  the  landlady  told  my  wife, 
was  a  very  civil  man — to  get  us  a  cage  cheap. 
Another  reason  for  having  a  bird  was,  that  the  old 
groundsel  man  at  the  corner  asked  her  every  day  if  she 
would  not  buy  a  penn'orth  of  the  weed  for  her  "  dear 
little  birds,"  and  that  she  felt  an  impostor  (inasmuch  as 
she  had  no  bird)  every  time  she  met  the  groundsel  man. 

"  But,  my  dear,"  said  I,  "  you  have  not  got  a  bird  ; 
and  if  you  only  tell  him  so,  he  will  give  up  annoying  you." 

"  He  does  not  annoy  me  at  all,"  she  replied ;  "  he  is 
a  very  nice,  respectable,  old  man  indeed,  and  I  am  sure 
no  one  could  have  been  angry  at  his  way  of  asking  you  to 
buy  his  groundsel — and  then  it  was  so  beautifully  fresh  !  " 

"  But  you  don't  mean  to  say  you  bought  any  ?  "  I 
asked  in  surprise. 


My  Wife's  Birds.  15 

"  Yes  I  did,"  was  the  answer ;  "  it  was  so  beautifully 
fresh — and  I  did  so  want  to  have  a  bird — and  so,  when- 
ever I  refuse  to  buy  any  now,  he  thinks  I  am  too  mean 
to  give  my  birds  a  pennyworth  of  groundsel  now  and  then. 
It  is  very  cruel  to  birds  to  keep  them  without  any  green 
food  at  all." 

I  felt  at  the  time  that  there  was  something  wrong  about 
this  line  of  argument,  but  could  not  quite  see  where  to  fix 
the  error  without  going  very  far  back  to  the  beginning 
(though  women,  it  seems  to  me,  always  do  this),  so  I  let 
it  pass,  not  thinking  it  worth  while  to  point  out  again 
that  as  she  had  no  bird,  the  groundsel  seller's  animad- 
versions and  suspicions  were  without  foundation,  and 
therefore  absurd. 

And  then  my  wife  went  on  to  give  other  reasons  for 
wanting  to  have  a  bird ;  but  the  only  one  I  can  remember 
just  now,  was  to  the  effect  that  the  bird  would  not  give 
any  trouble  to  anybody  but  herself,  and  that  it  could  not 
possibly  matter  to  me  whether  she  had  a  bird  or  not.  I 
am  not  quite  sure  that  I  have  given  that  reason  right,  but 
it  is  about  as  near  as  I  generally  get  to  some  of  my  wife's 
reasons  for  things. 

"  It  will,  you  see,"  she  repeated,  as  she  cracked  an 
egg,  "be  no  trouble  to  anybody  but  myself.  I  will 
look  after  it  myself  and —  " 

"  The  Lord  in  His  pitiful  mercy  keep  an  eye  upon  that 
bird  ! "  I  piously  ejaculated. 

"  Oh,  John  ! — and  of  course  I  will  feed  it  and  wash  it — 


1 6  Under  the  Punkah. 

its  cage  I  mean — not  feed  the  cage  you  know,  but  wash  it 
— and  when  I  go  out  to  do  the  housekeeping  for  our- 
selves " — which  by  the  way  always  seems  to  me  to  consist 
in  meeting  friends  at  the  gate  and  then  going  off  with 
them  to  look  at  new  music — "I  will  do  the  bird's 
housekeeping  too." 

Now,  I  really  never  had  any  objection  to  a  bird  from  the 
first.  On  the  contrary,  I  like  birds — little  ones.  But  my 
wife  has,  all  through,  insisted  on  it  that  I  do  not  love 
"  God's  creatures,"  as  she  calls  them,  and  took  from  the 
first  a  certain  complacent  pride  in  having  made  me  more 
"  Christian-like  "  in  this  matter.  "  You  won't  hurt  it, 
will  you,  John?"  she  pleaded  pathetically,  when  she 
hung  up  a  linnet. 

"  Hurt  it !  "  I  said,  in  astonishment,  for  I  am  a  very 
Buddhist  in  my  tenderness  to  animals.  "  On  the  con- 
trary— " 

"  Yes,  dear,  I  know  how  you  hate  them ;  and  you  are  a 
sweet,  good,  old  darling  to  say  you  love  them,  just  to 
please  me." 

"You  are  quite  mistaken,"  I  began,  "in  sup- 
posing—  " 

"  No  I  am  not,  you  good  old  duck,  for  you  always 
pretended  just  in  the  same  way  that  you  liked  Lucy  (my 
wife's  cousin),  though  I  know  you  don't,  for  soon  after 
we  were  married,  I  remember  you  called  her  a  gad-about 
and  a  gossip." 

And  the  end  of  it  was  that  I  was  mean  enough  to 


My  Wife's  Birds.  17 

accept  the  virtues  of  self-denial  and  consideration  thus 
thrust  upon  me.  Consequently,  I  have  had  ever  since 
to  affect  a  condescension  whenever  I  take  notice  of  the 
birds,  although  when  my  wife  is  not  there,  I  waste  a 
good  deal  of  time  over  the  pretty  things. 

But  •'  God's  creatures  "  after  all  is  a  term  that  you 
can  lump  most  things  under.  And  if  my  wife  had  drawn 
a  distinction  between  the  linnet  and  her  great  parrot, 
more  like  a  vulture  than  a  cage  bird,  I  would  have  can- 
didly confessed  to  a  difference  in  my  regard  for  the  two 
fowls.  Linnets  are  very  harmless,  I  fancy.  At  any 
rate  ours  never  does  anything  more  outrageous  than 
splash  its  water  and  seed  about  of  a  morning.  For  the 
rest  of  the  day,  it  is  mostly  hopping  off  the  floor  on  to 
the  perch  and  back  again,  except  when  you  go  to  look 
at  it  close.  It  then  hops  only  sideways  off  the  perch  on 
to  the  wires  of  the  cage — and  back  again. 

But  the  parrot  !  It  is  dead  now — and  it  took  as  much 
burying  as  a  horse — was  more  of  a  reptile  than  a  bird,  I 
should  say.  At  any  rate  it  had  very  few  feathers  on  it 
after  a  bit,  and  the  way  it  worried  my  wife's  Maltese 
terrier  was  most  unusual,  I  fancy,  in  a  bird.  The  first 
time  it  pounced  down  on  Tiny,  who  was  only  going 
to  eat  some  of  the  parrot's  pudding,  we  thought  it 
was  going  to  eat  the  dog — though  I  found,  on  looking  it 
up  since,  that  parrots  never  eat  other  animals,  as  vultures 
and  other  birds  do  sometimes.  But  it  wasn't.  It  was 
only  pulling  fluff  off  the  dog.  But  Tiny's  fluff  grows  so 


1 8  Under  the  Punkah. 

fast,  and  he  is  so  light,  that  we  generally  pick  him  up  by  it. 
And  so  when  the  parrot  began  to  pull  at  it,  it  rolled  the 
dog  all  about,  and  as  one  of  the  bird's  claws  got  caught  in 
the  fluff  of  the  dog  and  the  other  in  the  fluff  of  the  hearth- 
rug, they  got  rolled  up  in  the  corner  of  it — the  terrier  and 
the  parrot  together ;  and  the  noises  that  proceeded  from 
those  two,  and  the  confusion  there  was  of  hearth-rug  and 
fluff  and  feathers,  defies  all  description.  Getting  them 
unmixed  took  us  ever  so  long.  We  had  first  of  all  to  give 
the  parrot  a  spoon  to  hold  in  his  mouth,  and  then  a  fork 
in  one  claw,  while  we  undid  the  other.  And  as  soon  as 
it  was  undone,  it  got  its  claw  fixed  round  my  thumb,  and 
then,  dropping  the  spoon,  it  took  hold  of  my  cuff  with 
its  beak.  And  when  I  had  got  the  bird  off  me,  it  got 
fastened  on  to  my  wife ;  for  the  thing  was  so  frightened  at 
itself,  it  wanted  something,  it  didn't  matter  what,  to  hold 
on  to.  But  at  last  we  got  it  on  to  the  curtains,  and 
there  it  hung  half  the  morning,  saying  to  itself,  as  it 
always  does  when  it's  put  out,  "  Polly's  very  sick ;  poor 
Polly's  going  to  die."  Tiny,  in  the  meantime,  had  dis- 
appeared into  the  scullery  under  the  sink,  and  to  the  last 
day  of  the  parrot's  life,  whenever  the  dog  heard  the  parrot 
scream,  it  used  to  make  for  the  same  spot.  And  as  the 
parrot  was  mostly  screeching  all  day,  the  dog  pretty  well 
lived  under  the  sink.  But  the  parrot  died  at  last,  poor 
beast. 

The  few  feathers  it  had  on  must  have  had  something 
to  do  with  it,  I  fancy.     If  I  were  a  bird,  I  know,  and 


My  Wifes  Birds.  19 

had  so  few  feathers,  I  should  die  too.  It  does  not 
seem  much  worth  living  with  so  few  on.  One  could 
hardly  call  oneself  a  bird. 

So  one  evening,  when  I  came  home,  I  found  Jenny  in 
tears,  and  there  on  the  hearth-rug,  was  the  poor  old 
parrot,  dead,  and  about  as  bald  as  a  bird  could  be — 
except  in  a  pie.  I  asked  Jenny  how  it  all  happened  ;  but 
she  couldn't  speak  at  first  for  crying,  and  when  she  did 
tell  me,  it  was  heart-breaking  to  hear  her  sobs  between 
the  words. 

"  You  know,"  she  began,  "  Polly  hasn't  been  eating 
enough  for  a  long  time,  and  to-day,  when  I  came  in  from 
my  housekeeping,  I  saw  him  looking  very  sad  about 
something.  So  I  called  him,  and  he  came  down  off  his 
perch.  But  he  couldn't  hop ;  he  was  too  weak,  so  he 
walked  quite  slowly  across  the  floor  to  me — and  so  un- 
steadily !  I  knew  there  was  something  dreadful  going  to 
happen.  And  when  he  got  to  my  feet  he  couldn't  climb 
up  my  dress,  as  he  generally  does.  And  I  said  to  him, 
'  Polly,  what's  the  matter  with  you  ? '  and  he  said  " — but 
here  she  broke  down  altogether  for  a  bit — "and  he 
looked  up  at  me  and  said,  "  Polly's  very  sick?  And  when  I 
picked  him  up  he  was  as  light  as — oh  !  so  light.  And  he 
sat  on  my  lap  without  moving,  only  breathing  very  hard. 
And  then  after  a  little,  I  saw  his  head  drooping,  so  I 
touched  him  to  wake  him  up.  And  he  started  up,  and 
shook  himself  so  hard  that  he  rolled  over  on  his  side, 
and  then  I  heard  him  saying  something  to  himself,  so  I 
c  2 


2O  Under  the  Punkah. 

put  down  my  head  to  listen.     And  he  opened  his  eye 
again  quite  wide,  and  looked  at  me  just  as  if  he  knew 
who  I  was  quite  well,  and  whispered  to  me,  '  poor  Polly's 
going  to  die.'     And  then  he  shut  his  wings  up  tight,  and 
stretched  out  one  leg  after  the  other — and — and  died." 

I  was  very  sorry  for  it,  after  he  was  really  dead,  for 
Jenny  was  very  fond  of  him,  and  the  parrot,  I  think,  was 
very  fond  of  her.  So  when  I  looked  round  and  saw 
Tiny  eating  the  dead  bird's  pudding,  I  gave  a  screech 
like  the  parrot  used  to  give,  and  the  little  wretch  shot 
off  in  a  flurry  of  fluff  to  the  sink,  where  we  let  him  stay 
until  we  had  buried  poor  Polly  under  the  laurel-tree. 
Jenny  proposed  to  have  it  stuifed  ;  but  considering  the 
proposal  of  stuffing  such  a  naked  bird  absurd,  I  evaded 
the  suggestion  nor  did  she  press  it. 

But  all  this  time  I  have  been  anticipating  a  great  deal. 
It  was  the  first  mention  of  the  parrot  that  set  me  off  on 
the  digression.  I  have  not  yet  told  you  how  my  wife 
got  her  birds,  or  what  birds  she  has  got. 

Well,  I  had  given  my  consent,  you  remember,  to  a 
bird  being  bought ;  so  immediately  after  breakfast,  my 
wife  went  out  to  choose  one — "  a  little  one,"  she  said. 
But  before  she  went  out  she  confided  her  want  to  the 
landlady,  who,  going  out  herself  soon  after,  also  interested 
herself  in  the  selection,  and  told  a  few  bird-fanciers  to 
send  up  some  birds  to  look  at — "  little  ones ; "  moreover, 
before  going  out,  she  told  her  son  that  my  wife  wanted 
a  bird — "a  little  one"— so  when  he  went  to  the  cage- 


My  Wifcs  Birds.  21 

maker's  he  mentioned  the  fact,  and  during  the  day  the 
cage-maker  told  about  twenty  bird-fanciers  who  came  in 
on  business  that  he  could  put  them  in  the  way  of  a 
customer — meaning  my  wife.  "  She  wants  a  little  bird," 
he  said. 

Well,  I  woke  next  morning  a  little  earlier  than  usual, 
and  with  a  vague  general  feeling  that  I  was  somewhere  in 
the  country — probably  at  my  uncle's.  All  the  air  outside 
seemed  to  be  full  of  twittering,  just  as  I  remembered  hear- 
ing in  the  early  mornings  at  my  uncle's  place  in  the 
country  where  sparrows  were  as  thick  as  the  leaves  in 
the  ivy  on  the  house,  and  the  robins  and  wrens,  and 
those  'kinds  of  birds,  used  to  swarm  in  the  shrubbery. 
My  wife  was  awake  too,  and  as  soon  as  she  found  me 
stirring  she  began  (as  she  does  on  most  mornings)  to 
tell  me  a  dream.  I  always  find  that  other  people's 
dreams  haven't,  as  a  rule,  much  plot  in  them,  and  so  they 
don't  tell  well.  Things  always  seem  to  come  about  and 
end  up  somehow  without  much  reason. 

And  what  my  wife's  dream  was  about  I  did  not  exactly 
understand  at  the  time,  but  it  was  about  the  Tropical 
Court  at  the  Crystal  Palace.  She  dreamt  that  it  was  on  fire, 
and  all  the  parrots  had  gone  mad  with  fright  and  were  flying 
about,  and  so  she  ran  down  to  the  station,  with  all  the  crea- 
tures after  her;  but  there  was  no  room  for  her  in  the  train,  as 
all  the  parrots,  and  love  birds,  and  lories,  and  parroquets, 
and  cockatoos,  and  macaws,  of  the  Palace  were  scrambling 
for  places,  and  there  was  such  a  noise  and  flurrying  of 


22  Under  the  Punkali. 

feathers  she  was  quite  bewildered ;  and  though  she  told 
the  guard  that  the  birds  were  travelling  without  tickets,  he 
only  called  out  "  all  right "  to  the  engine  driver,  and  the 
train  started  off.  But  this  frightened  all  the  birds  so  that 
they  came  streaming  out  through  the  windows  and  lamp- 
holes,  and  flew  about  the  station  till  it  looked  as  if  all 
the  colours  out  of  the  advertisements  had  got  loose  and 
were  flying  around  in  strips  and  patches  !  And  so  she  ran 
upstairs  to  the  omnibus,  but  all  the  cockatoos  and  things 
went  with  her,  and  it  was  just  the  same  here,  for  when  she 
was  going  to  get  in,  the  conductor  said  it  was  full  inside, 
though,  when  she  looked  at  the  window  she  couldn't  see 
a  soul,  but  when  she  opened  the  door  and  looked  in  she 
found  it  was  full  of  parrots  and  macaws;  and  though  she 
warned  the  conductor  that  none  of  the  birds  had  got  any 
money,  he  did  not  seem  to  take  any  notice  of  her,  and  only 
sounded  his  bell,  and  so  the  'bus  started.  But  this  fright- 
ened the  birds  again,  so  that  they  all  came  streaming  out 
through  the  door,  and  flew  up  the  street  with  her  to  the 
cab-stand;  and  there  it  was  just  the  same — and  everywhere 
all  day  it  was  just  the  same  ;  but  though  she  kept  trying 
to  explain  to  people,  in  an  exasperated  and,  she  felt,  un- 
satisfactory way,  that  it  was  absurd  and  unreasonable  for 
all  these  birds,  which  she  had  nothing  to  do  with,  to  be 
following  her  about  so,  no  one  took  any  adequate  in- 
terest in  the  matter,  or  seemed  to  think  it  at  all  irregular  or 
annoying.  Her  conversations  on  the  subject  with  police- 
men were  equally  inconclusive  and  absurd;  and  so  the  day 


My  Wife's  Birds.  23 

went  on — and  very  exhausting  it  was,  she  said,  with  the 
eternal  clamour  of  the  birds,  and  the  smothering  feeling 
of  having  a  cloud  of  feathery  things  fluttering  round  you, 
and  so — 

I  had  been  listening  all  this  time  after  only  a  very 
drowsy  fashion,  but  while  she  talked  there  stole  over  me 
an  impression  that  there  was  a  strange  confusion  of  bird 
voices  about  the  premises,  and  just  as  she  had  got  to  the 
words  "and  so,"  and  was  taking  breath  to  remember 
what  happened  next  in  her  dream,  there  came  from 
down  below  a  very  Babel  of  fowls'  languages.  In 
every  tongue  spoken  by  birds  from  China  to  Peru,  we 
heard  screams,  squeaks,  hootings,  and  Growings,  while 
behind  and  through  all  we  were  aware  of  a  multitudinous 
chattering,  twittering,  and  chirping,  accompanied  by  a 
sober  obligate  of  cooing.  I  stared  at  my  wife  and  she 
at  me.  Was  I  asleep  ? 

"  Pinching  is  a  good  thing,"  I  remembered,  so  I 
pinched  my  wife.  There  was  no  doubt  of  her  being 
awake.  I  told  her  apologetically  that  I  had  pinched 
her  in  order  to  see  if  I  was  awake,  and  she  was  beginning 
to  explain  to  me  that  I  ought  to  have  pinched  myself ' ; 
when  we  heard  a  knock  at  the  door.  "  If  you  please,  sir," 
(it  was  Mary),  "  but  has  a  cockytoo  gone  into  your 
dressing-room?  It's  got  away  from  the  bird  man — 
which,  sir,  if  you  please  there's  several  of  them  at  the  door!" 
***** 

All  the  time  I  was  dressing  the  volucrine  clamour  con- 


24  Under  the  Punkah. 

tinned  unabated,  and  when  I  came  downstairs  I  was  not 
surprised  at  the  sight  that  awaited  me.  The  passage  was 
filled  with  bird-cages  ;  and  through  the  front  door,  which 
was  open,  I  saw  that  the  front  "  garden  "  was  filled  also, 
and  that  round  the  railings  had  collected  a  considerable 
mob  of  children,  whitewashes'  assistants,  and  errand- 
boys.  I  went  to  the  dining-room  window  and  looked  out. 
My  appearance  was  the  signal  for  every  bird  man  to  seize 
at  once  two  cages  and  hold  them  up  for  inspection.  The 
contents  of  the  cages  screamed  wildly ;  all  their  friends 
on  the  ground  screamed  in  sympathy,  and  the  mob 
outside  cheered  the  birds  on  to  further  demonstrations, 
by  ill-naturedly  imitating  various  cries. 

I  kept  away  from  the  window,  therefore,  and  waited 
till  my  wife  came  down.  Her  delight  at  the  exhibition 
seemed  to  me  a  little  misplaced,  the  more  so  as  she  in- 
sisted on  holding  a  levee  at  once.  I  began  my  breakfast 
therefore  alone,  but  I  hope  I  may  never  have  such  a 
meal  again.  Every  other  bird  being  warranted  tame, 
was  allowed  to  leave  its  cage,  and  very  soon  there  was  a 
parrot  in  the  sugar  basin,  three  macaws  on  the  chandeliers, 
and  a  cockatoo  on  the  back  of  each  chair.  The  food  on 
the  table  attracted  a  jackdaw,  who  dragged  a  rasher  of 
bacon  into  the  jelly-glass  before  his  designs  were  sus- 
pected, and  one  wretched  bird  finding  me  out  under  the 
table,  climbed  up  the  leg  of  my  trousers  by  his  beak  and 
claws.  But  my  wife  got  bewildered  at  last,  and  appealed 
to  me  to  settle  matters.  I  did  so  summarily  by  explaining 


Wife's  Birds.  25 

that  my  wife  wanted  only  one  bird  and  that  a  little  one — 
"  a  linnet  or  something  of  that  kind." 

The  disgust  of  the  bird  fanciers  was  instantly  visible,  and 
every  man  proceeded  gloomily  to  repossess  himself  of  his 
property.  This  was  not  so  easy,  however,  as  letting  the 
birds  go,  and  entailed  an  hour's  hunting  of  parrots 
from  corner  to  corner.  Two  cockatoos  slipped  down 
behind  the  sideboard  and  proceeded  to  fight  there. 
They  were  only  got  out  after  moving  the  sideboard  (the 
contents  being  previously  taken  out),  and  when  they 
appeared  were  dirty  beyond  recognition  and  covered 
with  cobwebs  and  fluff.  But  we  found  a  long-missing  salt 
spoon.  A  last,  however,  all  seemed  satisfactorily  disposed 
of,  when  it  was  discovered  that  one  of  the  cages  was  still 
empty,  and  a  pensive  voice  from  the  chandelier  drew  all 
eyes  upward.  It  was  then  discovered  that  a  parrot  had  got 
its  body  inside  one  of  the  globes,  and  I  volunteered  to  re- 
lease it.  So  standing  up  on  a  chair,  I  took  hold  of  the 
protruding  tail  and  lifted  the  bird  out.  No  sooner,  however, 
did  it  find  itself  released  than  it  made  one  violent  effort 
to  escape,  and  succeeded — leaving  the  tail  in  my  hands  ! 

I  hastened  to  apologize  and  to  offer  the  owner  the  tail, 
but  the  man  would  not  accept  either  the  apology  or  the 
feathers.  On  the  contrary,  he  insisted  that  as  I  had 
spoiled  the  bird  for  sale  I  ought  now  to  buy  it. 

And  thus  it  was  that  we  became  possessed  of  the 
bird  whose  death  I  have  already  narrated.  At  first  it 
had  a  dog's  life  of  it.  I  was  very  angry  with  it  for  foisting 


26  Under  the  Punkah. 

itself  upon  me  :  my  wife  disliked  it  for  its  tailless  condi- 
tion; while  the  parrot  itself  suspected  both  of  us  as 
having  designs  upon  its  remaining  feathers.  But  my 
wife's  heart  warmed  to  it  at  last,  and  the  bird  recipro- 
cated the  attachment.  And  when  it  died  we  were  really 
sorry,  and  so,  I  think,  was  the  parrot. 

Meanwhile  my  wife  was  not  satisfied  with  the  purchase, 
and  proceeded  to  select  another  bird  for  herself.  The 
result  was  a  canary,  as  I  feared,  and  lest  the  canary  should 
be  dull  with  only  the  parrot,  a  bullfinch  was  also  bought, 
and  finally, for  no  better  reason  that  I  saw  than  that  "it 
would  be  just  as  easy  to  attend  to  three  birds  as  to  two," 
a  linnet.  Of  course  the  canary  proved  to  be  a  hen  bird, 
and  the  linnet,  I  still  believe,  is  a  sparrow.  But  of 
the  bullfinch  there  can  be  no  doubt.  He  looks  a  bull- 
finch all  over. 

The  bullfinch  had  only  just  been  caught.  I  thought 
this  a  point  against  the  bird.  But  my  wife  thought  it  all 
in  its  favour.  "  For  now,"  she  said,  "  we  can  train  it 
exactly  as  we  like." 

Meanwhile  the  bird,  being  quite  uneducated,  was 
dashing  about  in  its  cage,  and  little  feathers  came  float- 
ing down,  and  all  the  cage  furniture  was  in  a  heap  in 
the  corner.  There  was  evidently  a  very  clear  field  for 
instruction,  and  my  wife  was  eager  to  begin  at  once. 

"  Bullfinches  are  very  fond  of  hemp  seeds,"  said  she 
oracularly,  and  proceeded  to  offer  one  to  the  bird.  The 
result  was  eminently  discouraging,  for  the  terrified  crea- 


Jfjr  Wif is  Birds.  — 

tare  went  mto  fits.     For  a   rime   my  wife   was   very 

pafjent,  and  stood  there  with  the  slippery  little  seed 
between  In  •  i%p  i  The  bird,  exhausted  at  last  with 
its  frantic  efforts  at  escape,  was  on  the  floor  of  the  cage, 
panting  from  far  and  &bgoe. 

u  I  am  snre  he  win  get  quite  time,"  said  my  wife, 
inspirited  by  this  «»«M«MI  of  the  bird's  struggles. 
"  Pretty  Bully,1'  and  she  changed  the  seed  to  the  left 
hand,  for  the  other  was  tired.  The  motion  was  suffi- 
cient, however,  to  set  the  bird  off  in  •after  paroxysm 
of  fluttering,  to  which  in  the  same  way  succeeded 
another  relapse.  And  so  it  went  on  for  half  an  hour, 
this  contest  between  the  wiH  thing's  terror  and  the 
woman's  patience.  And  the  bird  won  the  day. 

"  You  are  a  very  stupid  little  bird,"  said  my  wife 
solemnly  and  emphatically  to  the  open-beaked  creature, 
as  she  withdrew  from  the  strife  to  make  acquaintance 
with  the  canary. 

The  canary  was  of  another  sort  altogether,  an  old 
hen  bird,  born  and  bred  in  captivity,  an  artificial 
person  without  a  scrap  of  soul. 

Nor  did  its  vocal  accomplishments  recommend  it ; 
for  being  a  hen  it  only  chirped,  and  being  very  old,  it 
did  this  drearily.  My  wife  resolved,  therefore,  to  change 
it.  She  was  offered  ninepence  for  it,  and  indignantly 
refused  the  sum.  Finally,  she  allowed  it  to  go,  with  seven 
and  sixpence  added,  in  exchange  for  a  young  cock  bird. 

The  "  linnet "  meanwhile  had  moulted,  and  as  its  new 


28  Under  the  Punkah. 

feathers  were  a  long  time  coming,  it  came  to  be  looked 
upon  as  a  shabby  creature  and  the  inferior  among  our 
pets.  It  did  not  resent  the  invidious  comparison  nor 
retaliate  for  the  evident  preference  shown  to  the  rest, 
but  sitting  on  its  perch  at  the  back  window,  chuckled 
good-naturedly  to  itself  all  day  long,  going  to  sleep 
early,  and  growing  prodigiously  plump. 

The  bullfinch  and  canary,  however,  became  soon  part 
of  our  lives,  and  every  new  habit  or  prettiness  was  noted 
and  cherished.  Both  were  easily  tamed.  A  friend  came 
in  one  day,  and,  going  to  speak  to  the  bullfinch,  was 
shocked  at  its  wildness. 

"  Why  don't  you  tame  it  ?  "  he  asked. 

"  How  ?  "  inquired  my  wife.  "  I  have  been  trying 
hard,  but  I  don't  think  they  will  ever  begin  to  care  for 
me." 

"  Oh  !  starve  them,"  was  the  reply. 

"  Starve  them  !  never ! "  said  my  wife  firmly. 

But  I  made  a  note  of  the  advice,  and  that  very  after- 
noon, as  soon  as  my  wife  had  left  the  luncheon  table,  I 
nearly  emptied  the  seed-boxes  into  the  fire.  Next  morn- 
ing my  wife  noticed,  without  suspecting  anything,  how 
completely  the  birds  had  eaten  up  their  allowances.  I 
was  of  course  absorbed  in  my  newspaper.  But  when 
my  wife  went  out  to  do  her  "  housekeeping,"  I  took  the 
liberty  of  turning  round  the  seed-boxes,  so  that  the  birds 
who  meanwhile  had  been  eating  voraciously,  could  get 
no  more.  The  barbarous  fact  escaped  observation,  and 


My  Wife's  Birds.  29 

remorse  gnawing  at  my  heart,  I  awaited  the  morrow  with 
anxiety.  Would  the  birds  be  tame  ?  But  the  thought 
kept  recurring  to  me  in  the  night  watches — would  they  be 
dead?  They  were  not  dead,  however  :  on  the  contrary, 
they  were  very  much  alive.  Indeed  their  extraordinary 
sprightliness  attracted  my  wife's  attention,  and  all  through 
breakfast  she  kept  drawing  my  attention  to  the  conver- 
sation being  kept  up  by  the  two  birds. 

"  How  happy  they  are  together  !  "  she  said.  "  And 
how  hungry  !  "  I  thought. 

Breakfast  over,  she  proceeded  to  attend  to  her  birds, 
and  then  the  turned  boxes  were  discovered. 

"  Oh  !  "  she  said,  "  how  stupid  I  have  been  !  Just 
imagine,  these  poor  birds  have  had  no  seed  all  day  !  !  I 
forgot  to  turn  their  seed  boxes  round ! ! ! " 

I  cut  short  her  self-reproaches  and  expressions  of 
sympathy. 

"  Never  mind,  dear :  it  has  done  them  no  harm 
apparently.  Besides,  we  can  see  now  whether  starving 
does  really  tame  them.  Offer  the  bullfinch  a  hemp  seed 
in  your  fingers." 

And  the  great  experiment  was  tried.  I  approached  to 
watch.  The  hungry  bird  recognized  his  favourite  morsel, 
but  the  fingers  had  still  terrors  for  his  untutored  mind. 
"  Have  a  little  patience,"  I  said,  as  I  saw  my  wife's  face 
clouding.  The  bullfinch  mind  was  grievously  agitated.  He 
was  very  hungry,  and  there  close  to  him  was  a  hemp  seed. 
But  then  it  was  in  those  dangerous-looking  hands.  An 


3O  Under  the  Punkah. 

empty  stomach  and  timid  heart  fought  out  the  point  between 
them,  but  the  engagement  was  obstinately  contested. 
The  issue  trembled  a  thousand  times  in  the  balance. 
The  bullfinch,  after  sitting  for  ten  minutes  with  his  head 
very  much  on  one  side,  would  sidle  up  to  the  hemp-seed 
and  seem  on  the  very  point  of  taking  it,  when  a  movement 
of  the  dog  on  the  hearth-rug,  or  the  opening  of  a  door, 
would  startle  it  into  its  original  alarm.  My  wife  held 
out  bravely,  and  her  patience  was  suddenly  and  unex- 
pectedly rewarded.  The  bullfinch  had  evidently  thought 
the  matter  out  to  the  end,  and  had  decided  that  death 
by  starvation  was  preferable  to  tempting  the  terrors  of 
the  pretty  fingers  that  offered  him  food.  He  was  sitting 
gloomily  at  the  farther  end  of  the  perch.  But,  on  a  sud- 
den— perhaps  it  was  a  twinge  inside — he  brightened  up, 
pulled  himself  together,  and  with  a  desperate  effort  pecked 
at  the  seed.  He  did  not  get  it,  but  the  effort  had 
broken  the  spell,  and  he  soon  returned  emboldened,  and 
taking  more  deliberate  aim  this  time,  extracted  the  prize. 
After  this  it  was  plain  sailing,  and  for  the  rest  of  the 
morning,  my  wife  was  busy  feeding  the  domesticated 
bullfinch  from  her  fingers.  Meanwhile,  the  canary 
had  taken  its  first  lesson,  and  whether  it  was  that 
hunger  was  more  overpowering,  or  that  (as  has  since 
proved  the  case)  it  took  the  bullfinch  for  its  model,  it 
ate  from  the  hand  as  if  to  the  manner  born.  The  success 
was  complete,  and  my  wife  set  apart  "  to-morrow  "  for 
another  starvation  preparation  to  further  instruction. 


My  Wifes  Birds.  31 

But  her  heart  was  too  soft,  and  to  this  day  the  birds 
have  never  been  stinted  again.  Their  education,  there- 
fore, began  and  ended  together.  But  I  cannot  say  that 
I  am  sorry  ;  for  I  can  think  of  no  accomplishment  that 
would  make  them  more  charming  company.  The  cage 
doors  are  always  open,  and  the  small  creatures  spend 
their  day  as  they  choose,  the  bullfinch  climbing  about 
among  the  picture  cords,  the  canary  gazing  upon  his  own 
reflection  in  the  mirror. 

Their  characters  have  developed  in  this  freedom,  and 
their  individuality  is  as  comic  as  it  is  well  defined.  The 
bullfinch,  sturdy  of  body,  bull-necked,  and  thick-legged, 
ranges  the  room  as  if  all  it  contained  was  his  own  by 
right  of  conquest.  There  is  not  an  article  in  it  which  he 
does  not  make  use  of  as  a  perch  or  plaything,  and  in  every 
gesture  shows  himself  at  home  and  in  possession.  As 
soon  as  the  loaf  is  put  down  on  the  table,  he  hops  on  to 
it,  and  when  my  wife  replaces  the  milk-jug,  he  perches 
upon  that.  From  there  to  the  nearest  tea  cup  is  only  a 
short  hop,  and  so  he  makes  the  round  of  the  breakfast 
table.  When  the  cloth  is  removed,  he  waits,  chirping 
impatiently  for  his  groundsel,  and  even  before  it  can  be 
arranged  for  him,  he  is  in  the  thick  of  it,  his  beak  stuffed 
with  the  flossy  flower  heads.  The  bath,  meanwhile,  is 
being  prepared,  and  no  sooner  is  it  down  on  the  ground, 
than  he  perches  on  the  edge,  tests  his  temperature,  and 
pronounces  his  approval — but  does  not  often  bathe.  His 
seed-box  has  meanwhile  been  replenished,  and  in  it  every 


32  Under  the  Punkah. 

morning  are  put  a  few  hemp  seeds.  No  sooner  is  it  in  the 
cage,  than  the  bullfinch  has  gone  in,  and  plunging  his  head 
down  into  the  seed,  is  busy  picking  out  the  favourite  grains. 
Lest  one  should  be  concealed  at  the  bottom,  he  jerks  out 
as  much  of  the  contents  as  he  can,  and  deliberately  empties 
the  remainder  by  beakfuls.  Satisfied  that  no  hemp  seed 
remains,  he  comes  out,  and  flying  to  the  nearest  picture, 
commences  the  gymnastics  that  occupy  the  greater  part 
of  the  day.  By  sunset  he  is  always  back  in  his  cage 
again,  and  when  my  wife  goes  to  shut  his  door,  he  opens 
his  beak  at  her  threateningly,  showing  a  ridiculous 
pink  throat,  and  hissing  like  a  miniature  goose.  This  is 
not  the  routine  of  any  particular  day,  but  of  every  day. 
and  so  completely  has  he  asserted  his  position  as  one  of 
the  family,  that  the  ornaments  are  arranged  in  reference 
to  his  tastes,  and  when  I  talked  of  removing  the  picture 
from  over  the  door,  the  project  was  at  once  thrown  aside 
"for  that  is  Bully's  favourite  perch." 

The  canary  is  a  curious  contrast.  He  has  as  much 
spirit  as  the  bullfinch,  for  he  resented  the  first  attempt  at 
oppression — it  was  a  question  of  priority  of  bathing — 
with  such  elan,  that  the  bullfinch  ceased  from  troubling, 
and  the  two  are  close  friends  on  the  honourable  terms  of 
mutual  respect.  But  the  canary  is  conciliatory  and 
retiring.  He  comes  on  the  breakfast  table  when  it  takes 
his  fancy  to  do  so,  but  he  dose  so  unobtrusively,  with  all 
the  ease  of  manner  that  betokens  confidence,  and  yet 
with  all  the  reserve  and  modesty  of  a  gentleman.  If  he 


My  Wifes  Birds.  33 

wishes  for  a  crumb  he  takes  it,  but  instead  of  hopping  on 
the  loaf  for  it,  he  reaches  it  off  the  platter  from  the  table. 
His  day  is  spent  before  a  looking-glass,  in  which  he  studies 
his  own  features  and  gestures,  not  unhappily,  but  quietly,  as 
his  way  is.  A  jar  that  holds  "  spills  "  is  his  usual  resort, 
and  perched  on  it,  he  exercises  himself  in  the  harmless 
practice  of  pulling  out  the  spills.  He  has  never  suc- 
ceeded, but  this  does  not  damp  his  industry.  For 
groundsel  he  has  as  great  a  partiality  as  the  bullfinch, 
but  he  waits  for  his  share  till  it  is  put  in  his  cage,  and  then 
only  goes  in  at  his  leisure.  The  bath  is  a  passion  with 
him,  and  his  energy  in  the  water  fills  the  bullfinch — who 
more  often  makes  believe  than  really  bathes — with  such 
amazement,  that  while  the  flurry  and  splash  is  going  on 
he  watches  the  canary  with  all  his  eyes.  The  canary 
sings  beautifully,  not  with  the  student  note  that  in  the 
trained  bird  makes  a  room  uninhabitable,  but  a  soft,  un- 
tutored song,  that  nature  whispered  to  him  bar  by  bar, 
and  so  sweet  is  it  that  the  matter-of-fact  bullfinch  always 
listens  with  attention,  until  remembering  his  own  powers, 
he  settles  down  in  a  ball' of  feathers  on  some  favourite 
vase,  and  chuckles  obstinately  through  a  rustic  lay. 
But  my  wife  ought  to  have  written  the  account  of  her 
own  birds  herself,  for  she  knows  them  better  than  I. 

And  the  little  things  have  found,  out  how  gentle  and 
loving  she  is  to  "  God's  creatures  ;  "  and  when  the  room 
is  quiet,  and  she  is  sitting  working,  the  bullfinch  will 
leave  off  his  scrambling  among  the  picture  cords,  and 


34  Under  the  Punkah. 

the  canary  his  fruitless  tugging  at  the  spills,  to  sit  down 
on  her  lap  and  shoulder,  and  tell  her,  as  they  best  can, 
how  fond  they  both  are  of  her. 

For  me  they  entertain  only  a  distant  regard ;  but  I  like 
them  immensely  for  all  that.  At  any  rate,  though  I  speak 
of  them  as  "  my  wife's  birds,"  I  should  feel  hurt  if  any 
one  thought  that  they  were  not  my  birds  too. 


THE  HUNTING  OF  THE  "SOKO." 

YING  on  my  back  one  terribly  hot  day  under  the 
great  tamarind  that  shades  the  temple  of 
Saravan,  in  Borneo,  I  began  to  think  naturally 
of  iced  drinks,  and  from  them  my  mind  wandered  to 
icebergs,  and  from  icebergs  to  Polar  bears. 

Polar  bears  !  At  the  recollection  of  these  animals  I 
sat  bolt  upright,  for  though  I  had  shot  over  nearly  all 
the  world,  and  accumulated  a  perfect  museum  of  trophies, 
I  had  never  till  this  moment  thought  of  Greenland,  nor 
of  Polar  bears !  Before  this  I  had  begun  to  think 
I  had  exhausted  Nature.  From  the  false  elk  of  Ceylon 
to  the  true  one  of  Canada,  the  rhinoceros  of  Assam  to 
the  coyote  of  Patagonia,  the  panther  of  Central  India  to 
the  jaguars  of  the  Amazons,  I  had  seen  everything  in 
its  own  home,  and  shot  it  there.  And  for  birds,  I 
had  hunted  a  so-called  "  moa  "  at  Little  Farm  in  New 
Zealand,  the  bustard  in  the  Mahratta  country,  dropped 
geese  into  nearly  every  river  of  America,  Europe,  and 
Asia,  and  flushed  almost  all  the  glorious  tribe  of  game 
birds,  from  the  capercailzie  of  Norway  to  the  quail  of 
Sicily.  My  museum,  however,  wanted  yet  another  skin 

D    2 


36  Under  the  Punkah. 

— the  Polar  bear !  I  cannot  say  the  prospect  pleased 
me.  I  would  much  rather  have  sent  my  compliments 
to  the  Polar  bear  and  asked  it  to  come  comfortably 
into  some  warm  climate  to  be  shot;  but  regretting 
was  useless,  so  I  gave  the  order  of  the  day — the  North 
Pole. 

In  London,  however,  I  heard  of  Stanley's  successful 
search  for  Livingstone,  and  then  it  was  that  the 
sense  of  my  utter  nothingness  came  over  me.  All  Africa 
was  unshot !  It  is  true  I  had  once  gone  from  Bombay 
to  Zanzibar,  Dr.  Kirke  helping  me  on  my  way,  and 
thanks  to  Mackinnon's  agents  (who  were  busy  "pro- 
specting "  a  road  into  the  interior)  had  bagged  my  hippo- 
potamus, and  enjoyed  many  a  pleasant  stalk  after  the  fine 
antelope  of  the  Bagomoyo  plains.  But  the  Dark  Con- 
tinent itself,  with  its  cloud-like  herds  of  hartebest  and 
springbok,  its  droves  of  wind-footed  gnu,  its  zebras, 
ostriches  and  lions,  was  still  a  virgin  ground  for  me. 
But  more  than  all  these — more  than  ostrich,  gnu,  or 
zebra,  more  than  hippopotamus  or  lion— was  that  mystery 
of  the  primeval  forest  "  the  Soko."  What  was  the  Soko  ? 
Certainly  not  the  gorilla,  nor  the  chimpanzee,  nor  yet 
the  ourang-outang.  Was  it  a  new  beast  altogether,  this 
man-like  thing,  that  shakes  the  forest  at  the  sources  of 
the  Congo  with  its  awful  voice— that  desolates  the  vil- 
lages of  the  jungle  tribes  of  Uregga,  carries  off  the 
women  captive,  and  meets  their  cannibal  lords  in  fair 
fight  ?  With  Soko  on  the  brain  it  may  be  easily  imagined 


The  Hunting  of  the  Soko.  37 

that  the  Polar  bear  was  forgotten,  and  I  lost  no  time  in 
altering  my  arrangements  to  suit  my  altered  plans.  My 
snow-shoes  were  countermanded  and  solah  helmets  laid 
in :  fur  gloves  and  socks  were  exchanged  for  leather  gaiters 
and  canvas  suits. 

In  a  month  I  was  ready,  and  in  another  two  months  had 
started  from  Zanzibar  with  a  following  of  eighteen  men. 
During  my  voyage  I  had  carefully  read  the  travels  of  Grant, 
Speke,  Burton,  Livingstone,  Cameron,  Schweinfurth,  and 
Stanley,  and  in  all  had  been  struck  by  the  losses  suffered 
from  fatigue  on  the  march.  With  large  expeditions  it 
was  of  course  necessary  for  most  to  go  on  foot,  but  with 
my  pigmy  cortege  I  could  afford  to  let  them  ride.  Good 
strong  donkeys  were  cheap  at  Zanzibar,  and  I  bought  a 
baker's  dozen  of  them,  reserving  three  of  the  best  for 
myself,  and  allotting  ten  among  my  men,  to  relieve  them 
either  of  their  burdens  or  the  fatigue  of  walking,  accord- 
ing to  any  fair  arrangements — fair  to  the  donkeys  and  to 
themselves — they  chose  to  make  among  themselves.  The 
result  was  no  sickness,  little  fatigue,  and  constant  good 
spirits.  My  goods  consisted  of  my  own  personal  effects, 
all  on  one  donkey  ;  my  medicine-chest,  &c.,  on  another; 
and  fifteen  men-loads  of  beads,  wire,  and  cloth,  for  making 
friends  with  the  natives  and  purchasing  provisions,  and 
three  loads  of  ammunition.  I  was  lucky  in  the  time  of 
my  start,  for  Mirambo,  "  the  terror  of  Africa,"  who  had 
been  scouring  the  centre  of  the  continent  for  the  past 
year,  had  just  concluded  peace  with  the  Arabs  his  enemies, 


38  Under  the  Punkah. 

and  had  moreover  ordered  every  one  also  to  keep  the 
peace.  The  result  to  me  was,  that  each  village  was 
as  harmless  as  the  next. 

Gaily  enough,  then,  we  strolled  along,  enjoying  occa- 
sionally excellent  sport,  and  wondering  as  we  went  where 
all  the  "  horrors  "  and  perils  of  African  travel  had  gone. 
We  had,  it  is  true,  our  experience  of  them  afterwards, 
but  the  ground  has  now  become  so  stale,  that  I  will  pass 
over  the  interval  of  our  journey  from  Zanzibar  to  Ujiji  and 
thence  to  the  river,  and  ask  you  to  imagine  us  setting  out 
for  the  forests  that  lie  about  the  sources  of  the  Living- 
stone in  the  district  of  Uregga,  the  Soko's  home. 

Nearly  every  traveller  before  me  had  spoken  of  the 
"  Soko,"  the  man-beast  of  these  primeval  forests.  Living- 
stone had  a  large  store  of  legends  and  anecdotes  about 
them,  their  intelligent  cruelty  and  their  fierce,  though 
frugivorous,  habits.  Stanley  constantly  heard  them.  In 
one  place  he  saw  a  Soko's  platform  in  a  tree,  and  in 
several  villages  found  the  skin,  the  teeth,  and  the  skulls 
in  possession  of  the  people. 

Wherever  we  went  I  was  eager  in  my  inquiries,  but 
day  after  day  slipped  by,  and  still  I  neither  heard  the 
Soko  alive  nor  saw  any  portion  of  one  dead.  But  even 
without  encountering  the  great  simia,  our  journey  in 
these  night-shade  forests  was  sufficiently  eventful,  for  great 
panther-like  creatures,  very  pale-skinned,  prowled  about 
in  the  glimmering  shades,  and  from  the  trees  we  some- 
times saw  hanging  pythons  of  tremendous  girth.  But  the 


TJte  Hunting  of  the  Soko.  39 

reptile  and  insect  world  was  chiefly  in  the  ascendant  here, 
and  it  was  against  such  small  persecutors  as  puff-adders, 
centipedes,  poisonous  spiders,  and  ants,  that  we  had  to 
guard  ourselves.  Travelling,  however,  owing  to  the 
dense  shade,  was  not  the  misery  that  we  had  found  it  in 
the  sun-smitten  plains  of  Uturu,  or  the  hideous  ocean 
of  scrub-jungle  that  stretches  from  Suna  to  Mgongo- 
Zembo.  The  trees,  nearly  all  of  three  or  four  species 
of  bombax,  mvule,  and  aldrendon,  were  of  stupendous 
size  and  impossible  altitude,  but  growing  so  close  to- 
gether their  crowns  were  tightly  interwoven  overhead,  and 
sometimes  not  a  hundred  yards  in  a  whole  day's  march 
was  open  to  the  sky.  Moreover,  in  the  hot -house  air  under 
this  canopy  had  sprung  up  with  incredible  luxuriance  every 
species  of  tree-fern,  rattan  and  creeping  palm  known,  I 
should  think,  to  the  tropics,  and  amongst  themselves  in 
a  stratum,  often  thirty  feet  below  the  upper  roof  of  tree- 
foliage,  had  closely  intermeshed  their  fronds  and  tendrils, 
so  that  we  marched  often  in  an  oven  atmosphere,  but 
protected  alike  from  the  killing  sun  and  flooding  rain 
by  double  awnings  of  impenetrable  leafage.  The  ground 
itself  was  bare  of  vegetation,  except  where,  here  and 
there,  monster  fungi  clustered,  like  a  condemned  invoice 
of  umbrellas  and  parasols,  round  some  fallen  giant  of 
the  forest,  or  where,  in  a  screen  of  blossom,  wonderful 
air-plants  filled  up  great  spaces  from  tree  trunk  to  tree 
trunk. 

At  intervals  we  crossed  rivulets  of  crystal  water,  icy 


4O  Under  the  Punkah. 

cold,  finding  their  way  as  best  they  might  from  hollow 
to  hollow  over  the  centuries'  layers  of  fallen  leaves,  and 
along  their  courses  grew  in  rich  profusion  masses  of  a 
broad-leafed  sedge,  that  afforded  the  panther  safe  covert 
and  easy  couch,  and  sometimes,  on  approaching  one  of 
these  rills,  we  would  see  a  ghostly  herd  of  deer  flit  away 
through  the  twilight  shade.  And  thus  it  happened  that 
one  evening  I  was  lying  on  my  rug  half-asleep,  with  the 
pleasant  deep-sea  gloom  about  me  and  a  deathly  still- 
ness reigning  over  this  world  of  trees,  and  wondering 
whether  that  was  or  was  not  a  monkey  perched  high 
up  among  the  palm  fronds,  when  out  from  the  sedges 
by  a  runnel  there  paced  before  me  a  panther  of  unusual 
size.  From  his  gait  I  saw  that  it  had  a  victim  in  view, 
and  turning  my  head  was  horrified  to  see  that  it  was 
one  of  my  own  men,  who  was  busy  about  something  at 
the  foot  of  a  tree. 

I  jumped  up  with  a  shout,  and  the  panther,  startled 
by  the  sudden  sound,  plunged  back  in  three  great  leaps 
into  the  sedges  from  which  it  had  emerged.  All  my 
men  jumped  to  their  feet,  and  one  of  them,  in  his  terror 
at  the  proximity  of  the  beast  of  prey,  turned  and  fled 
away  into  the  depth  of  the  forest.  I  watched  his  re- 
treating figure  as  far  as  the  eye  could  follow  it  in  that 
light,  and  laughing  at  his  panic,  went  over  to  where  my 
ass  was  tied,  intending  to  stroll  down  for  a  shot  at  the 
panther.  And  while  I  was  idly  getting  ready,  the  sound 
of  excited  conversation  among  my  men  attracted  me, 


The  Hunting  of  the  Soko.  41 

and  I  asked  them  what  was  the  matter.  There  was  a 
laugh,  and  then  one  of  them,  the  most  sensible,  English- 
minded  African  I  ever  met,  stepped  forward. 

"  We  do  not  know,  master,"  said  he,  "  which  of  us  it 
was  that  ran  away  just  now.  We  are  all  here" 

The  full  significance  of  his  words  did  not  strike  me  at 
first,  and  I  laughed  too.  "  Oh,  count  yourselves,"  I  said, 
"  and  you  will  soon  find  out." 

"But  we  have  counted,  master," replied  the  man,  "and 
all  eighteen  are  here." 

His  meaning  began  to  dawn  on  me.  I  felt  a  queer 
feeling  creep  over  me. 

"  All  here  !"  I  ejaculated.     "  Muster  the  men." 

And  mustered  they  were — and  to  my  astonishment, 
and  even  horror,  I  found  the  man  was  speaking  the  truth. 
Every  man  of  my  force  was  in  his  place. 

Then  who  was  the  man  that  had  run  away,  when  all 
the  party  started  up  from  their  sleep  ?  A  ghost  ?  I 
looked  round  into  the  deepening  gloom.  All  my  men 
were  standing  together,  looking  rather  frightened.  Around 
us  stretched  the  eternal  forest.  A  ghost !  And  then  on 
a  sudden  the  thought  flashed  across  me — I  had  seen  the 
Soko. 

I  had  seen  the  Soko  !  and  seeing  it,  had  mistaken 
it  for  a  human  being  !  And  while  I  was  still  loading  my 
cartridge-belt,  Shumari,  my  gun-boy,  had  crept  up  to 
my  side,  with  my  express  in  one  hand  and  heavy  elephant 
rifle  in  the  other ;  but  on  his  face  there  was  a  strange, 


42  Under  the  Punkah. 

concerned  expression,  and  in  the  tone  of  his  voice  an  un- 
easy tremor,  with  which  something  in  my  own  feelings 
sympathized. 

"  Is  the  master  going  to  hunt  the  wild  man  ?  "  asked 
the  lad. 

"  The  Soko  ?    Yes,  I  want  its  skin,"  I  replied. 

"But  the  wild  man  cried  out,  l Ai !  ma-ma'  ('Oh! 
mother,  mother  ')  as  it  ran  away  and —  " 

"  Here  is  the  wild  man's  stick,"  broke  in  Mabruki, 
the  Zanzibari,  and  as  he  spoke  he  held  out  to- 
wards me  a  long  staff,  seven  feet  in  length.  All  the 
blood  in  my  body  ran  cold  at  the  sight  of  it.  It  was  a 
mere  length  of  rattan,  without  ferule  or  knot,  but  at  the 
upper  end  the  bark  had  been  torn  down  from  joint  to 
joint  in  parallel  strips,  to  give  the  holder  a  firmer  grip  than 
one  could  have  had  on  smooth  cane,  and  just  below  the 
second  joint  the  stumps  of  the  corresponding  shoots  on 
two  sides  had  been  left  sticking  out  for  the  hand  to 
rest  on. 

How  can  I  describe  the  throng  of  hideous  thoughts 
that  whirled  through  my  brain  on  the  instant  that  I  re- 
cognized these  efforts  of  reason  in  the  animal  that  I  was 
now  going  to  hunt  to  the  death  ?  But  swift  as  were  my 
thoughts,  Mabruki  had  thought  them  out  before  me,  and 
had  come  to  a  conclusion.  "  The  mshenshi  mtato — 
pagan  ape — has  stolen  this  stick  from  some  village,"  said 
he ;  "  see,"  and  he  pointed  to  the  smoothed  offshoots, 
"  they  have  stained  them  with  the  mvule  juice." 


TJte  Hunting  of  the  Soko.  43 

The  instant  relief  I  felt  at  this  happy  solution  of  the 
dreadful  mystery  was  expressed  by  me  in  a  shout  of  joy, 
so  sudden  and  so  real  that,  without  knowing  why,  my 
men  shouted  too,  and  with  such  a  will  that  the  monkeys 
that  had  been  gravely  pondering  over  our  preparations 
for  the  evening  meal  were  startled  out  of  their  self-respect 
and  off  their  perches,  and  plunged  precipitately  into  a 
tangle  of  lianes.  My  spirits  had  returned,  and  with  as 
light  a  heart  as  ever  I  had,  I  ambled  off  in  the  direction 
the  Soko  had  taken. 

But  soon  the  voices  of  the  camp  had  died  away  be- 
hind me,  and  there  had  grown  up  between  me  and  it  the 
wall  of  mist  that  in  this  sunless  forest  region  makes  every 
mile  as  secret  from  the  next  as  if  you  were  in  the  highest 
ether — surely  the  most  secret  of  all  places — or  in  the 
lowest  sea.  And  over  the  soft,  rich  vegetable  mould 
the  ass's  feet  went  noiseless  as  an  owl's  wing  upon  the 
air ;  and,  except  for  the  rhythmical  jingling  of  his  ass's 
harness,  Shumari's  presence  might  never  have  been  sus- 
pected. And  then,  in  this  cathedral  solitude — with 
cloistered  tree-trunks  reaching  away  at  every  point  of 
view  into  long  vistas  closed  in  grey  mist;  overhead 
hanging,  like  tattered  tapestry,  great  lengths  and  rags  of 
moss -growths,  strange  textures  of  fungus  and  parasite,' 
hanging  plumb  down  in  endless  points,  all  as  motionless 
as  possible ;  without  a  breath  of  life  stirring  about  me — 
bird,  beast,  or  insect — the  same  horrid  thoughts  took 
possession  of  me  again,  and  I  began  to  recall  the 


44  Under  the  Punka] i, 

gestures  of  the  wild  thing  which,  when  I  startled  the 
panther,  had  fled  away  into  the  forest  depths. 

It  had  stood  upright  amongst  the  upright  men,  and 
turning  to  run  had  stooped,  but  only  so  much  as  a  man 
might  do  when  running  with  all  his  speed.  In  the  gait 
there  was  a  one-sided  swing,  just  as  some  great  man-ape 
— gorilla  or  chimpanzee — might  have  when,  as  travellers 
tell  us,  they  help  themselves  along  on  the  knuckles  of 
the  long  fore-arm,  the  body  swaying  down  to  the  side 
on  which  the  hand  touches  the  ground  at  each  stride. 
In  one  hand  was  a  small  branch  of  some  leafy  shrub,  for 
I  distinctly  remembered  having  seen  it  as  it  began  to  run. 
The  speed  must  have  been  great,  for  it  was  very  soon 
out  of  sight ;  but  there  was  no  appearance  of  rapidity  in 
the  movement — like  the  wolf's  slow-looking  gallop,  that 
no  horse  can  overtake,  and  that  soon  tires  out  the  fleetest 
hound.  As  it  began  to  run  it  had  made  a  jabbering 
sound — an  inarticulate  expression  of  simple  human  fear 
I  had  thought  it  to  be ;  but  now,  pondering  over  it,  I 
began  to  wonder  that  I  could  have  mistaken  that  swiftly 
retreating  figure  for  human. 

It  is  true  that  I  did  not  want  to  think  of  it  as  human, 
and  perhaps  my  wishes  may  have  coloured  my  retro- 
spect ;  at  any  rate,  whatever  the  process,  I  found  myself 
after  a  while  laughing  at  myself  for  having  turned  sick 
at  heart  when  the  suspicion  came  across  me  that  perhaps 
the  Soko  of  the  forests  of  Uregga,  the  feast-day  dish  of 
the  jungle  tribes,  might  be  a  human  being.  The  long, 


The  Hunting  of  the  Soko.  45 

lolloping  gait,  the  jabbering,  should  alone  have  dispelled 
the  terror.  It  is  true  that  my  men  heard  it  say,  '•'  Oh  ! 
ma-ma"  as  it  started  up  to  run  by  them.  But  in  half  the 
languages  of  the  world,  "  mama"  is  a  synonym  for 
"  mother,"  and  it  follows,  therefore,  that  it  is  not  a  word 
at  all,  but  simply  the  phonetic  rendering  of  the  first 
bleating,  babbling  articulation  of  babyhood — an  animal 
noise,  uttered  as  articulately  by  young  sheep  and  young 
goats  as  by  young  men  and  women.  The  staff,  too,  was 
of  the  common  type  in  these  districts,  and  had  been  picked 
up  no  doubt  by  the  Soko  in  some  twilight  prowling  round  a 
grain  store,  or  perhaps  gained  in  fair  fight  from  some 
villager  whom  it  had  surprised,  solitary  and  defenceless. 
And  then  my  thoughts  ran  on  to  all  I  had  read  or  heard 
of  the  Soko,  of  its  societies  for  mutual  defence  or  food 
supply,  and  the  comparative  amiability  of  such  com- 
munities— of  the  solitary,  outlawed  Soko,  the  vindictive, 
lawless  bandit  of  the  trees,  who  wanders  about  round 
the  habitations  of  men,  lying  in  wait  for  the  women  and 
the  children,  robbing  the  granaries  and  orchards,  and 
stealing,  for  the  simple  larceny's  sake,  household  chattels, 
of  the  use  of  which  it  is  ignorant.  Shumari,  a  hunter 
born  and  bred,  was  full  of  Soko  lore  :  the  skin,  he  said, 
was  covered  except  on  the  throat,  hands,  and  feet,  with 
a  short,  harsh  hair  of  a  dark  colour,  and  tipped,  in  the 
older  individuals,  with  grey ;  these  also  had  long  growths 
of  hair  on  the  head,  their  cheeks  and  lips.  It  had  no 
tail. 


4.6  Under  the  PunkaJi. 

"  Standing  up,"  said  he,  "  it  is  as  tall  as  I  am  (he  was 
only  5  feet  i  inch),  and  its  eyes  are  together  in  the  front 
of  its  face,  so  that  it  looks  at  you  straight.  It  eats  sitting  up, 
and  when  tired  leans  its  back  against  a  tree,  putting  its 
hands  behind  its  head.  Three  men  of  my  village  came 
upon  one  asleep  in  this  way  one  day,  and  so  quietly,  that 
before  it  awoke  two  of  them  had  speared  it.  It  started 
up  and  threw  back  its  head  to  give  a  loud  cry  of  pain, 
and  then  leaning  its  elbow  against  the  tree,  it  bent  its 
head  down  upon  its  arms,  and  so  died — leaning  against 
the  tree,  with  one  arm  supporting  the  head  and  the 
other  pressed  to  its  heart.  There  was  a  Soko  village 
there,  for  they  saw  all  their  platforms  in  the  trees,  and 
the  ground  was  heaped  up  in  places  with  snail  shells 
and  fruit  skins.  But  they  did  not  see  any  more  Sokos. 

*  *  *  *     Another  day  I  myself  was  out  hunting  with  a 
party,  and  we  found  a  dead  Soko.     I  had  thrown  my 
spear  at  a  tree- cat,  and  going  to  pick  it  up,  saw  close 
by  a  large  heap  of  myombo  leaves.     I  turned  some  up 
with  my  spear,   and  found   a   dead   Soko  underneath. 

*  *  *  *     When  a  Soko  catches  a  man  it  holds  him, 
and  makes  faces  at  him,  and  jabbers  :  sometimes  it  lets 
him  go  without  doing  him  any  harm,  but  generally  it 
bites  off  all  his  fingers  one  by   one,  spitting  them  out 
as  it  bites  them  off,  and  his  nose  and  ears  and  toes  as 
well,  and   ends  up  by  strangling  him  with   its  fingers 
or  beating  him  to  death  with  a  branch.     Women  and 
children  are  never  seen  again,  so  I  suppose  the  Sokos 


The  Hunting  of  tJie  Soko,  47 

eat  them.  They  have  no  spears  or  knives,  and  they 
do  not  use  anything  that  men  use,  except  that  they 
walk  with  sticks,  knocking  down  fruit  with  them,  and 
that  they  drink  water  out  of  their  hands.  Their  front 
teeth  are  very  sharp,  and  at  each  side  is  one  longer 
and  sharper  than  the  rest." 

And  so  he  went  on  chattering  to  me  as  we  ambled 
through  the  dim  shade  in  a  stupid  pursuit  of  an  in- 
visible thing.  The  stupidity  of  it  dawned  upon  me  at 
last,  and  I  stopped,  and  without  explaining  the  change 
to  my  companion,  turned  and  rode  homewards. 

The  twilight  shadows  of  the  day  were  now  deepening 
into  night,  and  we  hurried  on.  The  fireflies  began  to 
flicker  along  the  sedge-grown  rills,  and  high  up,  among 
the  leaf  coronets  of  the  elais  palm,  were  clustering  in  a 
mazy  dance.  Passing  a  tangle  of  lianes,  I  heard  an  owl 
or  some  night  bird  hoot  gently  from  the  foliage,  and  as 
we  went  along  the  fowl  seemed  to  keep  pace  with  us, 
for  the  ventriloquist  sound  was  always  with  us,  fast 
though  we  rode,  and  first  from  one  side  and  then  from 
the  other  we  heard  the  low-voiced  complaining  follow- 
ing. And  the  "eeriness"  of  the  company  grew  upon 
me.  There  was  no  sound  of  wings  or  rustling  of  leaves  ; 
but  for  mile  after  mile  the  low  hoot,  hoot,  of  the  thing 
that  was  following  sounded  so  close  at  hand  that  I 
kept  on  looking  round.  Shumari,  like  all  savages — they 
approach  animals  very  nearly  in  this — was  intensely  sus- 
ceptible to  the  superstitious  and  uncanny,  and  long 


48  Under  the  Punkali. 

before  the  ghostliness  of  the  persistent  voice  occurred 
to  me,  I  had  noticed  that  Shumari  was  keeping  as  close 
to  me  as  possible.  But  at  last,  whether  it  was  from  con- 
stantly turning  my  head  over  my  shoulder  to  see  what 
was  coming  after  us,  or  whether  I  was  unconsciously 
infected  by  his  nervousness,  I  got  as  fidgety  as  he,  and, 
for  the  sake  of  human  company,  opened  conversation. 

"  What  bird  makes  that  noise  ?  "  I  asked. 

Shumari  did  not  reply,  and  I  repeated  the  question. 

And  then  in  a  voice,  so  absurd  from  its  assumption  of 
boldness  that  I  laughed  outright,  he  said, — 

"  No  bird,  master.  It  is  a  muzimu  (spirit)  that  is 
following  us.  Let  us  go  quicker." 

Here  was  a  position  !  We  had  all  the  evening  been 
hunting  nothing,  and  now  we'  were  being  hunted  by 
nothing !  The  memory  of  Shumari's  voice  made  me 
laugh  again,  and  just  then  catching  sight  of  the  twink- 
ling camp  fires  in  the  far  distance,  I  laughed  at  myself 
too.  And,  on  a  sudden,  just  as  my  laugh  ceased,  there 
came  from  the  rattan  brake  past  which  we  were  riding 
a  sound  that  was,  and  yet  was  not,  the  echo  of  my  laugh. 
It  sounded  something  like  my  laugh — but  it  was  repeated 
twice — and  the  creature  I  rode,  ass  though  it  was,  turned 
its  head  towards  the  brake.  Shumari  meanwhile  had 
seen  the  camp  fires,  and  his  terror  overpowering  dis- 
cipline, he  gave  one  howl  of  horror  and  fled,  his  ass, 
seeing  the  fires  too,  falling  into  the  humour  with  all  his 
will,  and  carrying  off  his  rider  at  full  speed.  My  ass 


The  Hunting  of  the  Soko.  49 

wanted  to  follow,  but  I  pulled  him  up,  and  to  make 
further  trial  of  the  hidden  jester,  shouted  out  in  Swahili, 
"Who  is  there?" 

The  answer  was  as  sudden  as  horrifying.  For  an  in- 
stant the  brake  swayed  to  and  fro,  and  then  there  came 
a  crashing  of  branches  as  of  some  great  beast  forcing  his 
way  through  them,  and  on  a  sudden,  close  behind  me 
burst  out — the  Soko  ! 

Shumari  had  carried  off  my  guns,  and,  except  for  the 
short  knife  in  my  belt,  I  was  defenceless.  And  there 
before  me  in  the  flesh  stood  the  creature  I  had  gone  out 
to  hunt,  but  which  for  ever  so  many  miles  must  have 
been  hunting  us.  I  had  no  leisure  for  moralizing  or 
even  for  examination  of  the  creature  before  me.  It 
seemed  about  Shumari's  height,  but  was  immensely 
broad  at  the  shoulders,  and  in  one  hand  it  carried  a 
fragment  of  a  bough.  Had  it  been  simply  man  against 
man,  I  would  have  stood  my  ground — but  was  it  ?  The 
dim  light  prevented  my  noting  any  details,  and  I  had 
no  inclination  or  time  to  scrutinize  the  features  of  the 
thing  that  now  approached  me.  I  saw  the  white  teeth 
flashing,  heard  a  deep-chested  stuttering,  inarticulate 
with  rage,  and  flinging  myself  from  the  ass,  which  was 
trembling  and  rooted  to  the  spot  with  fear,  I  ran  as  I 
had  never  run  before  in  the  direction  of  the  camp. 

The  Soko  must  have  stopped  to  attack  the  ass,  for 
I  heard  a  scuffle  behind  me  as  I  started,  but  very  soon 
the  ass  came  tearing  past  me,  and  looking  round  I  saw 

E 


50  Under  the  PunkaJi. 

the  Soko  in  pursuit.     The  heavy  branch  fortunately  en- 
cumbered its  progress,  but  it  gained  upon  me.     Close 
behind  me  I  heard  the  thing  jabbering  and  panting,  and 
for  an  instant  thought  of  standing  at  bay.     I  was  run- 
ning my  hardest,  but  it  seemed,  just  as  in  a  nightmare, 
as  if  horror  had  partly  paralyzed  my  limbs,  and  I  were 
only  creeping  along.     The  horror  of  such  pursuit  was, 
I  felt,  culminating  in  sickness,  and  I  thought  I  should 
swoon  and  fall.     But  just  then  I  became  aware  of  ap- 
proaching lights  —the  camp  fires  seemed  to  be  running 
to  me.     The   Soko,  however,  was  fast   overtaking  me, 
and  I  struggled  on,  but  it  was  of  no  use,  and  my  feet 
tripping  against  the  projecting  root  of  an  old  mvule,  I 
fell  on  my  knees ;  but,  rising  again,  I  staggered  against 
the  tree,  drew  my  knife,  and  waited  for  the  attack.     In 
an  instant  the  Soko  was  up  with  me,  and,  dropping  its 
bough,  reached  out  its  arms  to  seize  me.     I  lunged  at  it 
with  my  knife,  but  the  length  of  its  arms  baffled  me,  for 
before  the  point  of  my  knife  could  find  its  body,  the 
Soko's  hands  had  grasped  my  shoulders,  and  with  such 
astonishing  force  that  it  seemed  as  if  my  arms  were  being 
displaced  in  their  sockets.     The  next  moment  a  third 
hand  seized  hold  of  my  leg  below  the  knee,  and  I  was  in- 
stantly jerked   on   to   the  ground.     The   fall  partially 
stunned  me,  and  then  I  felt   a  rough-haired  body  fall 
heavily  upon  me,  and,  groping  their  way  to  my  throat, 
long  fingers  feeling  about   me.     I   struggled   with   the 
creature,  but  against  its  strength  my  hands  were  nerveless. 


The  Hunting  of  the  Soko.  5 1 

The  fingers  had  now  found  my  throat ;  I  felt  the  grasp 
tightening,  and  gave  myself  up  to  death.  But  on  a 
sudden  there  was  a  confusion  of  voices — a  flashing  of 
bright  lights  before  my  eyes — and  the  weight  was  all  at 
once  raised  from  off  me.  In  another  minute  I  had 
recovered  my  consciousness,  and  found  that  my  men, 
the  gallant  Mabruki  at  their  head,  had  charged  to  my 
rescue  with  burning  brands,  and  arrived  only  just  in  time 
to  save  my  life. 

And  the  Soko  ? 

As  I  lay  there,  my  faithful  followers  round  me  with 
their  brands  still  flickering,  the  voice  of  the  Soko  came 
to  us,  but  from  which  direction  it  was  impossible  to  say, 
soft  and  mysterious  as  before,  the  same  hoot,  hoot,  that 
had  puzzled  us  so  on  our  homeward  route. 

My  narrow  escape  from  a  horrible,  though  somewhat 
absurd,  death,  was  celebrated  by  my  men  with  extrava- 
gant demonstrations  of  indignation  against  the  Soko  that 
had  hunted  me,  and  many  respectful  reproaches  for  my 
temerity.  For  myself,  I  was  more  eager  than  ever  to 
capture  or  kill  the  formidable  thing  that  had  outwitted 
and  outmatched  me ;  and  so  having  had  my  arms  well 
rubbed  with  oil,  I  gave  the  order  for  a  general  muster 
next  morning  for  a  grand  Soko  hunt. 

Now,  close  by  our  camp  grew  a  great  tree,  from  which 

hung  down  liane  strands  of  every  rope-thickness,  and  all 

round  its  roots  had  grown  up  a  dense  hedge  of  strong- 

spined  cane.     One  of  my  men,  sent  up  the  tree  to  cut  us 

E  2 


52  Under  the  Punkah. 

off  some  of  these  natural  ropes,  reported  that  all  round 
the  tree,  that  is,  between  its  trunk  and  the  cane-hedge, 
there  was  a  clear  space,  so  that  though,  looking  at  it 
from  the  outside,  it  seemed  as  if  the  canes  grew  right  up 
to  the  tree  trunk,  looking  at  it  from  above,  there  was 
seen  to  be  really  an  open  pathway,  so  to  speak,  sur- 
rounding the  tree,  broad  enough  for  three  men  to  walk 
abreast.  I  had  often  heard  of  similar  cases  of  vegetable 
aversions,  where,  from  some  secret  cause  of  plant  preju- 
dice, two  shrubs,  though  growing  together,  exercise  this 
mutual  repulsion,  and  never  actually  combine  in  growth. 
Meanwhile,  however,  the  phenomenon  was  interesting  to 
me  for  other  reasons,  for  I  saw  at  once  what  a  convenient 
receptacle  this  natural  "  well "  would  make  for  the 
baggage  we  had  to  leave  behind. 

Leaving  our  effects  therefore  inside  this  brake,  which 
we  did  by  slinging  the  bales  one  after  the  other  over 
an  overhanging  bough,  and  so  dropping  them  into  the 
open  pathway,  and  removing  from  the  neighbourhood 
every  trace  of  our  recent  encampment,  we  started  west- 
ward with  four  days'  provisions  ready  cooked  on  our 
backs.  The  method  of  march  was  in  line,  each  man  about 
a  hundred  yards  from  the  next,  and  every  second  man 
on  an  ass,  the  riders  carrying  the  usual  ivory  horns,  with- 
out which  no  travellers  in  the  Uregga  forests  ever  move 
from  home,  and  the  notes  of  which,  exactly  like  the 
cry  of  the  American  wood-marmot,  keep  the  party  in  line. 
By  this  means  we  covered  a  mile,  and  being  unencum- 


The  Hunting  of  the  Soko.  5  3 

bered,  marched  fast,  scouring  the  wood  before  us  at  the 
rate  of  four  miles  an  hour  for  three  hours. 

And  what  a  wild,  weird  time  it  was  those  three  hours, 
marching  with  noiseless  footfalls,  looking  constantly  right 
and  left  and  overhead.  I  could  see  the  line  of  shadowy 
figures  advancing  on  either  side,  not  a  sound  along  the 
whole  line,  except  when  the  horns  carried  down  in 
response  to  one  another  their  thin,  wailing  notes,  or  when 
some  palm  fruit  over-ripe  dropped  rustling  down  through 
the  canopy  of  foliage  above  us.  And  yet  the  whole  forest 
was  instinct  with  life.  If  you  set  yourself  to  listen,  there 
came  to  your  ears,  all  day  and  night,  a  great  monotone  of 
sound  humming  through  the  misty  shade,  the  aggregate 
voices  of  millions  of  insect  things,  that  had  their  being 
among  the  foliage  or  in  the  daylight  that  reigned  in  the 
outer  world  above  those  green  clouds  which  made  per- 
petual twilight  for  us  who  were  passing  underneath. 
Along  the  tree  roof  streamed  also  troops  of  monkeys, 
and  flocks  of  parrots  and  other  birds ;  but  in  their  pas- 
sage overhead,  we  could  not,  through  the  dense  vault  of 
foliage,  branch,  and  blossom,  hear  their  voices,  except  as 
merged  in  the  one  great  sound  that  filled  all  space,  too 
large  almost  to  be  heard  at  all.  In  the  midst,  then,  of 
this  vast  murmur  of  confused  nature,  we  seemed  to  walk 
in  absolute  silence.  The  ear  had  grown  so  accustomed 
to  it,  that  a  sneeze  was  heard  with  a  start,  and  the  occa- 
sional knocking  together  of  asses'  hoofs  made  every  head 
turn  suddenly,  and  every  rifle  move  to  the  shoulder. 


54  Under  the  Punkah. 

At  the  end  of  the  three  hours'  marching,  we  came  to 
a  river — perhaps  that  which  Stanley,  in  his  "  Dark  Con- 
tinent," names  the  Asna — flowing  north-west,  with  a  width 
here  of  only  100  yards — a  deep,  slow  stream,  crystal  clear, 
flowing  without  a  ripple  or  a  murmur  through  the  per- 
petual gloaming,  between  banks  of  soft,  rich,  black  leaf- 
mould.  We  halted,  and,  after  a  rapid  meal,  re-formed  in 
line,  and  marching  for  two  miles  easterly  up  the  river, 
made  a  left  wheel ;  and  in  the  same  order,  and  at  the  same 
pace  as  we  had  advanced,  we  continued  nearly  two  hours 
rather  in  a  northerly  direction ;  and  then  making  a  left 
wheel  again,  started  off  due  west,  crossing  the  tracks  of 
our  morning's  march  in  our  fourth  mile,  and  reaching  the 
Asna  again  in  our  tenth  mile — a  total  march  of  nearly 
thirty- two  miles,  of  which,  of  course,  each  man  had  tra- 
versed only  one  half  on  foot.  No  cooking  was  allowed, 
and  our  collation  was  therefore  soon  despatched,  and 
before  I  had  lighted  my  pipe,  and  curled  myself  up,  I 
saw  that  all  the  party  were  snug  under  their  mosquito 
nets. 

I  had  noticed,  when  reading  travellers'  books,  that 
they  always  suffered  severely  from  mosquitos  and  other 
insects.  I  determined  that  /  would  not ;  so,  before  leav- 
ing Zanzibar,  served  out  to  every  man  twenty  yards  of 
net.  These  in  the  daytime  were  worn  round  the  head 
as  turbans,  and  at  night  spread  upon  sticks,  and  furnished 
each  man  a  protection  against  these  Macbeths  of  the  sedge 
and  brake.  The  men  thoroughly  understood  their  value, 


The  Hunting  of  the  Soko.  5  5 

and  before  turning  in  for  the  night,  always  carefully 
examined  their  nets  for  stray  holes,  which  they  caught 
together  with  fibres.  But,  somehow,  I  could  not  go  to 
sleep  for  a  long  while  ;  the  pain  in  my  arm  where  the 
Soko  seized  me  was  very  great  at  times,  besides,  I  felt 
"  haunted ;"  and  indeed,  when  I  awoke  and  found  it 
already  four  o'clock,  it  did  not  seem  that  I  had  been  to 
sleep  at  all.  But  the  time  for  sleep  was  now  over ;  so 
awakening  the  expedition,  we  ate  a  silent  meal,  and  noise- 
lessly remounting,  were  again  on  the  war  trail.  On  this, 
the  second  day,  we  marched  some  three  miles  down  the 
river,  north-west,  and  then,  taking  a  half  right  wheel, 
started  off  north-east,  passing  to  the  north  of  our  camp 
at  about  the  eleventh  mile.  Here  the  first  sign  of  life 
we  had  seen  since  we  started  broke  the  tedium  of  our 
ghost-like  progress. 

Between  myself  and  the  next  man  on  the  line  was 
running  a  little  stream,  fed  probably  by  the  dews  that  here 
rained  down  upon  us  from  the  invule-trees.  These^more 
than  all  others,  seem  to  condense  the  heated  upper  air, 
their  leaves  being  thick  in  texture  and  curiously  cool — for 
which  reason  the  natives  prefer  them  for  butter-  and  oil- 
dishes — and  along  the  stream,  as  usual,  crowded  a  thick 
fringe  of  white-starred  sedge.  On  a  sudden,  there  was 
a  swaying  of  the  herbage,  and  out  bounced  a  splendidly 
spotted  creature  of  the  cat  kind.  Immediately  behind 
him  crept  out  his  mate ;  and  there  they  stood — the  male, 
his  crest  and  all  the  hair  along  the  spine  erect  with 


56  Under  the  Punkah. 

anger  at  our  intrusion,  his  tail  swinging  and  curling  with 
excitement ;  beside  him,  and  half  behind  him,  the  female 
crouching  low  on  the  ground,  her  ears  laid  back  along 
the  head,  and  motionless  as  a  carved  stone.  My  ass 
saw  the  pair,  and  instinct  warning  it  that  the  beautiful 
beasts  were  dangerous  to  it,  with  that  want  of  judgment 
and  consideration  so  characteristic  of  asses,  it  must  needs 
bray.  And  such  a  bray !  At  every  hee  it  pumped  up 
enough  air  from  its  lungs  to  have  contented  an  organ, 
and  at  every  haw  it  vented  a  shattering  blast,  to  which 
all  the  Slogans  of  all  the  Clans  were  mere  puling. 
It  brayed  its  very  soul  out  in  the  suddenness  of  the 
terror.  The  effect  on  the  leopards  was  instant  and 
complete.  There  was  just  one  lightning  flash  of  colour 
— a  yellow  streak  across  the  space  before  me,  and  plump  ! 
the  splendid  pair  soused  into  a  murderous  tangle  of 
creeping  palms.  That  they  could  ever  have  got  out  of 
the  awful  trap,  with  its  millions  of  strong  spines,  barbed 
like  fish-hooks,  and  as  strong  as  steel,  is  probably  impos- 
sible; but  the  magnificent  promptitude  of  the  suicide, 
its  picturesque  completeness,  was  undeniable. 

The  ass,  however,  was  by  no  means  soothed  by  the 
meteor-like  disappearance  of  the  beasts  of  prey,  and  the 
gruesome  dronings,  that  in  spite  of  hard  whacks,  it  in- 
dulged in  for  many  minutes,  betrayed  the  depth  of  its 
emotions  and  the  cavernous  nature  of  its  interior  organiza- 
tion. The  ass,  like  the  savage,  has  no  perception  of  the 
picturesque. 


The  Hunting  of  the  Soko.  57 

After  the  morning  meal  I  allowed  a  three  hours'  rest, 
and  in  knots  of  twos  and  threes  along  the  line,  the  party 
sat  down,  talking  in  subdued  tones  (for  silence  was  the 
order  of  the  march),  or  comfortably  snoozing.  I  slept 
myself  as  well  as  my  aching  arm  would  let  me.  The 
march  resumed,  I  wheeled  the  line  with  its  front  due  west, 
and  after  another  two  hours'  rapid  advance  we  found  our- 
selves again  at  the  river,  some  seven  miles  farther  down 
its  course  than  the  point  from  which  we  had  started  in 
the  morning ;  and  after  a  hurried  meal,  I  gave  the  order 
for  "  home."  Striking  south-easterly,  we  crossed  in  our 
fifth  mile  the  track  of  the  morning,  and  in  the  thirteenth 
reached  our  camp.  By  this  means  it  will  be  seen  we  had 
effectually  triangulated  a  third  of  a  circle  of  eleven  miles 
radius  from  our  camp — and  with  absolutely  no  result. 
During  the  next  two  days  I  determined  to  scour,  if  pos- 
sible, the  remaining  semicircle.  Meanwhile,  we  were  at 
the  point  we  had  started  from,  and  though  it  was  nearly 
certain  that  at  any  rate  one  Soko  was  in  the  neighbour- 
hood, we  had  fatigued  ourselves  with  nearly  seventy 
miles  of  marching,  without  finding  a  trace  of  it. 

As  nothing  was  required  from  our  concealed  store,  we 
had  only  to  eat  and  go  to  sleep ;  and  so  the  men,  after 
laughing  together  for  a  while  over  the  snug  arrangements  I 
had  made  for  the  safety  of  our  goods,  and  pretending  to 
have  doubts  as  to  this  being  the  real  site  of  the  hidden 
property  of  the  expedition,  were  soon  asleep  in  a  batch. 
I  went  to  sleep  too ;  not  a  sound  sleep,  for  I  could  not 


58  Under  the  Punkah. 

drive  from  my  memory  the  hideous  recollection  of  that 
evening,  only  two  days  before,  when,  nearly  in  the  same 
spot,  I  was  lying  in  the  Soko's  power.  And  thinking 
about  it,  I  got  so  restless  that,  under  the  irresistible  im- 
pression that  some  supernatural  presence  was  about  me, 
I  unpegged  my  mosquito  net,  and  getting  up,  began  to 
pace  about.  I  wore  at  nights  a  long  Cashmere  dressing- 
gown,  in  lieu  of  the  tighter  canvas  coat.  I  had  been 
leaning  against  a  tree  ;  but  feeling  that  the  moisture  that 
trickled  down  the  trunk  was  soaking  my  back,  I  was  mov- 
ing off,  when  my  ears  were  nearly  split  by  a  shout  from 
behind  me — "Soko!  Soko!"and  the  next  instant  I  found 
myself  flung  violently  to  the  ground,  and  struggling  with 
— Mabruki !  The  pain  caused  by  the  sudden  fall  at  first 
made  me  furious  at  the  mistake  that  had  been  made ;  but 
the  next  instant,  when  the  whole  absurdity  of  the  position 
came  upon  me,  I  roared  with  laughter. 

The  savage  is  very  quickly  infected  by  mirth,  and  in  a 
minute,  as  soon  as  the  story  got  round  how  Mabruki  had 
jumped  upon  "the  master"  for  a  Soko,  the  whole  camp 
was  in  fits  of  laughter.  Sleep  was  out  of  the  question 
with  my  aching  back  and  aching  sides  ;  and  so,  mixing 
myself  some  grog  and  lighting  my  pipe,  I  made  Mabruki 
shampoo  my  limbs  with  oil.  While  he  did  so  he  began 
to  talk,— 

"Does  the  master  ever  see  devils ? " 

"  Devils  ?     No." 

"  Mabruki  does,  and  all  the  Wanyamwazi  of  his  village 


The  Hunting  of  the  Soko.  59 

do,  for  his  village  elders  are  the  keepers  of  the  charm 
against  evil  spirits  of  the  whole  land  of  Unyamwazi, 
and  they  often  see  them.  I  saw  a  devil  to-night." 

"  Was  the  devil  like  a  Soko  ?  "  I  asked,  laughing. 

"  Yes,  master,"  he  replied,  "  like  a  Soko ;  but  I  was 
always  asleep,  and  never  saw  it,  but  whenever  it  came  to 
me  it  said,  'I  am  here,'  and  then  at  last  I  got  frightened 
and  got  up,  and  then  I  saw  you  master  and — " 

But  we  were  both  laughing  again,  and  Mabruki 
stopped. 

It  was  strange  that  he,  too,  should  have  felt  the  same 
uncanny  presence  that  had  afflicted  me.  But,  under 
Mabruki's  manipulation,  I  soon  fell  asleep.  I  awoke 
with  a  start.  Mabruki  had  gone.  But  much  the  same 
inexplicable,  restless  feeling  that  men  say  they  have  felt 
under  ghostly  visitations,  impelled  me  to  get  up,  and  this 
time,  lighting  a  pipe  to  prevent  mistakes,  I  resumed  my 
sauntering,  and  tired  at  last  of  being  alone,  I  awoke  my 
men  for  the  start,  although  day  was  not  yet  breaking. 
Half-asleep  a  meal  was  soon  discussed,  and  in  an  hour 
we  were  again  on  the  move.  Shumari  had  lagged  behind, 
as  usual,  and  on  his  coming  up  I  reproved  him  for 
being  "the  last." 

"  I  am  not  the  last,"  he  said ;  "Zaidi,  the  Wangwana, 
is  not  here  yet.  I  saw  him  climbing  up  for  a  liane" 
(the  men  got  their  ropes  from  these  useful  plants)  "  just  as 
I  was  coming  away,  and  I  called  out  to  him  that  you 
would  be  angry." 


60  Under  the  Punkah. 

"  Peace  ! "  said  Baraka,  the  man  next  to  me ;  "  is  not 
that  Zaidi  the  Wangwana  there,  riding  on  the  ass  ?  It 
was  not  he.  It  was  that  good  for  nothing  Tarya.  He  is 
always  the  last  to  stand  up  and  the  first  to  sit  down." 

"  No  doubt,  then,"  said  Shumari,  "  it  was  Tarya ;  shame 
on  him.  He  is  no  bigger  than  Zaidi,  and  has  hair  like 
his.  Besides,  it  was  in  the  mist  I  saw  him." 

But  I  had  heard  enough — the  nervousness  of  the  night 
still  afflicted  me. 

"  Sound  the  halt ! "  I  cried ;  "  call  the  men  together." 

In  three  minutes  all  were  grouped  round  me — not  one 
was  missing  !  Tarya  was  far  ahead,  riding  on  an  ass,  and 
had  therefore  been  one  of  the  first  to  start. 

"  Who  was  the  last  to  leave  camp  ?  "  I  asked,  and  by 
the  unanimous  voice  it  was  agreed  to  be  Shumari  himself. 

Shumari,  then,  had  seen  the  Soko  !  and  our  store-house 
was  the  Soko's  home  ! 

The  rest  of  the  men  had  not  heard  the  preceding 
conversation,  so  putting  them  in  possession  of  the  facts, 
I  gave  the  order  for  returning  to  our  camp.  We 
approached.  I  halted  the  whole  party,  and  binding  up 
the  asses'  mouths  with  cloths,  we  tied  them  to  a  stout 
liane,  and  then  dividing  the  party  into  two,  led  one 
myself  round  to  the  south  side  of  the  camp  by  a 
detour,  leaving  the  other  about  half  a  mile  to  the 
north  of  it,  with  orders  to  rush  towards  the  cane  brake 
and  surround  it  at  a  hundred  yards'  distance  as  soon  as 
they  heard  my  bugle.  Passing  swiftly  round,  we  were 


The  Hunting  of  the  Soko.  61 

soon  in  our  places,  and  then  deploying  my  men  on  either 
side  so  as  to  cover  a  semi-circle,  I  sounded  the  bugle. 
The  response  came  on  the  instant,  and  in  a  few  minutes 
there  was  a  cordon  round  the  brake  at  100  yards  radius, 
each  man  about  twenty  yards  or  so  from  the  next. 
But  all  was  silent  as  the  grave.  As  yet  nothing  had  got 
through  our  line  I  felt  sure ;  and  if  therefore  Shumari 
had  indeed  seen  the  Soko,  the  Soko  was  still  within  the 
circle  of  our  guns.  A  few  tufts  of  young  rattan  grew  be- 
tween the  line  and  the  brake  in  the  centre  of  which 
were  our  goods,  and  unless  it  was  up  above  us,  hidden  in 
the  impervious  canopy  overhead,  where  was  the  Soko  ? 
A  shot  was  fired  into  each  tuft,  and  in  breathless  excite- 
ment the  circle  began  to  close  in  upon  the  brake. 

"  Let  us  fire  ! "  cried  Mabruki. 

"  No,  no ! "  I  shouted,  for  the  bullets  would  perhaps 
have  whistled  through  the  lianes  amongst  ourselves. 
"  Catch  the  Soko  alive  if  you  can." 

But  first  we  had  to  sight  the  Soko,  and  this,  in  an 
absolutely  impenetrable  clump  of  rope-thick  creepers,  was 
impossible,  except  from  above. 

Shumari,  as  agile  as  a  monkey,  was  called,  and  ordered 
to  climb  up  the  tree,  the  branches  of  which  had  served 
us  to  sling  our  goods  into  the  brake,  and  to  see  if  he 
could  espy  the  intruder.  The  lad  did  not  like  the  job; 
but  with  the  pluck  of  his  race  obeyed,  and  was  soon 
slung  up  over  the  bough,  and  creeping  along  it,  overhung 
the  centre  of  the  brake.  All  faces  were  upturned  towards 


62  Under  the  Punkah. 

him  as  he  peered  down  within  the  wall  of  vegetation. 
For  many  minutes  there  was  silence,  and  then  came 
Shumari's  voice, — 

"  No,  master,  I  cannot  see  the  Soko." 

"  Climb  onto  the  big  liane,"  called  out  Mabruki.  The 
lad  obeyed,  and  made  his  way  from  knot  to  knot  of  the 
swinging  strand.  One  end  of  it  was  rooted  into  the 
ground  at  the  foot  of  the  tree  inside  the  cane  brake, 
the  other,  in  cable  thickness,  hanging  down  loose  within 
the  circle.  We,  watching,  saw  him  look  down,  and  on 
the  instant  heard  him  cry, — 

"  Ai !  ma-ma !  the  Soko,  the  Soko ! "  and  while  the  lad 
spoke  we  saw  the  hanging  creeper  violently  jerked,  and 
then  swung  to  and  fro,  as  if  some  creature  of  huge  strength 
had  hold  of  the  loose  end  of  it  and  was  trying  to  shake 
Shumari  from  his  hold. 

"  Help  !  help,  master  ! "  cried  Shumari.  "  I  am  falling;" 
and  then  he  lost  his  hold,  and  fell  with  a  crash  down  into 
the  brake,  and  for  an  instant  we  held  our  breath  to  listen 
— but  all  was  quiet  as  death.  The  next  instant,  at  a  dozen 
different  points,  axes  were  at  work  clearing  the  lianes. 
For  a  few  minutes  nothing  was  to  be  heard  but  the  deep 
breathing  of  the  straining  men  and  the  crashing  of  the 
branches ;  and  then  on  a  sudden,  at  the  side  farthest  from 
me,  came  a  shout  and  a  shot,  a  confused  rush  of  frantic 
animal  noises,  and  the  sounds  of  a  fierce  struggle. 

In  an  instant  I  was  round  the  brake,  and  there  lay 
Shumari,  apparently  unhurt,  and  the  Soko— dying  ! 


The  Hunting  of  the  Soko.  63 

"  Untie  his  hands,"  I  said.  This  was  done,  and  the 
wounded  thing  made  an  effort  to  stagger  to  its  feet. 

A  dozen  arms  thrust  it  to  the  ground  again.  "  Let 
him  rise,"  I  said;  "help  him  to  rise,"  and  Mabruki 
helped  the  Soko  on  to  its  feet. 

Powers  above  !  If  this  were  an  ape,  what  else  were  half 
my  expedition?  The  wounded  wood-thing  passed  its 
right  arm  round  Mabruki's  neck,  and  taking  one  of  his 
hands,  pressed  it  to  its  own  heart.  A  deep  sob  shook 
its  frame,  and  then  it  lifted  back  its  head  and  looked  in 
turn  into  all  the  faces  round  it,  with  the  death  glaze  set- 
tling fast  in  its  eyes.  I  came  nearer,  and  took  its  hand 
as  it  hung  on  Mabruki's  shoulder.  The  muscles,  gradually 
contracting  in  death,  made  it  seem  as  if  there  was  a  gentle 
pressure  of  my  palm,  and  then — the  thing  died. 

Life  left  it  so  suddenly  that  we  could  not  believe  that 
all  was  over.  But  the  Soko  was  really  dead,  and  close 
to  where  he  lay  I  had  him  buried. 

"  Master  said  he  wanted  the  Soko's  skin,"  said  Shumari, 
in  a  weak  voice,  reminding  me  of  my  words  of  a  few  days 
before. 

"  No,  no,"  I  said  ;  "  bury  the  wild  man  quickly.  We 
shall  march  at  once." 


THE  LEGEND  OF   THE    BLAMELESS  PRIEST.1 


EARS  upon  years  ago,  when  all  the  world  was 
young,  when  Atlantis  was  among  the  chief 
islands  of  it,  and  the  Aryans  had  not  yet  de- 
scended from  their  cradle 'on  the  Roof  of  the  World, 
there  wandered  up  past  the  sources  of  the  sleepy 
Nile  the  patriarch  Kintu,  and  his  wife.  For  many 
months  he  travelled,  he  and  his  old  wife,  their  one 
she-goat,  and  one  cow,  and  carrying  with  them  one 
banana  and  one  sweet  potato.  And  they  were  alone  in 
their  journey. 

From  out  the  leagues  of  papyrus  fen  the  ibis  and  the 
flamingo  screamed,  and  through  the  matete-canes  the 
startled  crocodile  plunged  under  the  lily-covered  waves. 
Overhead  circled  and  piped  vast  flocks  of  strange  water- 
fowl, puzzled  by  the  sight  of  human  beings,  and  from  the 
path  before  them  the  sulky  lion  hardly  turned  away. 

1  In  this  legend  I  make  only  a  partial  claim  to  originality,  for  it 
is  founded  upon  the  notes  taken  in  Uganda  by  Mr.  H.  M.  Stanley, 
and  will  be  found  already  partially  worked  out  in  that  traveller's 
"Across  the  Dark  Continent,"  which  it  fell  to  my  pleasant  lot  to 
edit. 


The  Legend  of  the  Blameless  Priest.          65 

The  hyaehas  in  the  rattan  brakes  snarled  to  see  them 
pass,  and,  wailing  through  the  forests  that  covered  the 
face  of  the  land,  came  the  cry  of  the  lonely  lemur.  A 
dreary,  desolate  country,  rich  in  flowers  and  fruit,  and 
surpassingly  beautiful,  but  desolate  of  man. 

The  elephant  was  the  noblest  in  the  land,  and  on 
the  water  there  was  none  to  stand  before  the  river- 
horse. 

And  so  they  plodded  on,  old  Kintu  and  his  wife,  until 
coming  to  where  the  Victoria  Nyanza  spreads  its  summer 
sea  through  four  degrees  of  latitude,  flecked  with  float- 
ing groves,  "  purple  isles  of  Eden,"  the  patriarch  halted, 
and,  the  first  time  for  many  years,  laid  down  his  staff 
upon  the  ground.  And  the  mark  of  the  staff  may  still 
be  seen,  eight  cubits  in  length,  lying  like  a  deep  scar 
across  the  basalt  boulders  piled  up  on  the  western  shore 
of  the  great  lake.  And  then  his  wife  laid  down  her 
burden,  the  one  banana  and  the  one  potato,  and  the 
goat  and  the  cow  lay  down,  for  they  were  all  weary  with 
the  journey  of  half  a  century,  during  which  they  had 
never  rested  night  nor  day.  And  the  name  they  gave 
the  land  they  stayed  at  was  Uganda,  but  the  name  of 
the  land  they  came  from  no  one  knows. 

And  then  Kintu  cut  the  banana  and  potato  into  many 
little  pieces,  and  planted  them,  each  piece  twenty  miles 
apart,  and  they  grew  so  fast  that  the  plants  seemed  to  the 
eye  to  be  crawling  over  the  ground.  And  his  wife  had  many 
sons  and  daughters,  and  they  were  all  born  adult,  and  inter- 


66  Under  the  Punkah. 

married,  so  that  in  a  few  years  all  the  country  was  filled 
with  people.  The  cow  and  the  goat  also  brought  forth 
adult  offspring,  and  these  multiplied  so  fast  that  in  the 
second  generation  every  man  in  the  land  had  a  thousand 
head  of  cattle.  And  Kintu  was  their  king,  and  his  people 
called  him  "  The  Blameless  Priest ; "  for  he  wronged  no 
one.  In  his  land  no  blood  was  ever  shed,  for  he  had 
forbidden  his  people  to  eat  meat,  and  when  any  sinned 
they  were  led  away  by  their  friends,  the  man  with  a 
woman,  for  a  thousand  miles,  and  left  there  with  cuttings 
of  the  banana  and  the  potato ;  for  they  never  led  any 
one  away  alone,  lest  he  should  die  ;  and  once  every  year, 
after  the  gathering  of  the  harvest,  Kintu  sent  messengers 
to  the  exiles  to  know  how  they  did.  So  the  land  was  at 
peace  from  morning  to  night,  and  there  was  plenty  in  every 
house.  And  the  patriarch  moved  about  among  his  people 
in  spotless  robes  of  white,  and  loved  and  honoured  by  all 
as  their  father. 

But  after  a  long  time  the  young  men  and  women  grew 
wicked,  for  they  found  out  the  secret  of  making  wine 
from  the  banana  and  strong  drink  from  the  palm  fruit 
and  fire-water  from  the  mtama  grain  ;  and  with  this  they 
got  drunk  together,  and  when  they  were  drunk  they 
forgot  that  they  were  Kintu's  children.  And  first  of 
all  they  began  to  dress  in  bright  colours,  and  then  they 
killed  the  cattle  for  food,  until  at  last  Kintu  was  the  only 
man  in  all  his  kingdom  who  was  dresed  in  spotless  white, 
and  who  had  never  shed  blood.  And  the  wickedness 


The  Legend  of  the  Blameless  Priest.          67 

increased ;  for  having  killed  animals  they  began  to  fight 
among  themselves,  and  at  last  one  day  a  man  of  Uganda, 
having  got  drunk  with  palm  wine,  killed  one  of  his 
tribe  with  a  spear.  And  the  people  rose  up  with  a 
cry,  and  every  man  took  his  spear  in  his  hand,  and 
the  whole  land  of  Uganda  was  in  an  uproar,  the  people 
killing  one  another.  But  when  it  was  all  over,  and  the 
morning  came,  they  saw  the  dead  men  lying  about 
among  the  melon  plants,  and  were  frightened,  for  they 
had  never  seen  dead  men  before,  and  did  not  know 
what  to  do  with  them  ;  and  then  they  looked  about  for 
the  patriarch,  whom  all  this  while  they  had  forgotten  ; 
and  lo  !  he  was  gone. 

And  no  one  would  tell  them  whither. 

Till  at  last  a  little  girl  child  spoke  up  :  "I  saw  Kintu 
and  his  wife  go  out  of  the  gate  in  the  early  morning,  and 
with  them  they  took  a  cow  and  a  goat,  a  banana  and  a 
potato ;  and  Kintu  said,  '  This  land  isblack  with  blood.' 
I  ran  after  them,  and  with  me  was  only  my  little 
brother  Pokino,  and  he  and  I  watched  Kintu  and  his 
wife  go  away  down  by  the  wood  to  the  river  that  comes 
from  the  west." 

The  children  had  been  the  last  to  see  Kintu;  for 
though  every  one  was  asked,  no  one  had  seen  the 
Blameless  Priest  go  forth  except  the  little  ones,  Saramba, 
with  the  round  eyes,  and  her  baby  brother  Pokino. 

Then  the  people  were  in  great  consternation,  and  ran 
hither  and  thither,  looking  for  the  patriarch ;  but  he  was 
F  2 


68  Under  the  Punkah. 

never  found.  And  when  the  tumult  of  the  first  lamenta- 
tion was  over,  Chwa,  the  eldest  son  of  Kintu,  took  his 
shield  and  spear,  and  going  out  into  the  market-place, 
shook  his  spear  before  the  assembled  chiefs,  and  struck 
his  spear  upon  his  shield  to  show  that  he  was  king.  And 
he  made  all  the  nation  into  castes,  and  to  two  castes  he 
gave  the  duty  of  finding  Kintu.  Far  and  near-  they 
sought  him,  crossing  strange  rivers  and  subduing  many 
tribes;  but  the  lost  patriarch  was  never  seen.  And 
when  Chwa  was  dead,  his  son  shook  his  spear  before 
the  people,  and  searched  for  Kintu  all  his  life,  and  died 
without  finding  him.  And  thirty-eight  kings  ruled  in 
succession  over  Uganda,  but  never  again  did  human  eye 
behold  the  man  they  sought. 

****** 

Then  Ma'anda  came  to  the  throne.  He  was  different 
from  all  the  kings  that  had  preceded  him,  for  he  robed 
himself  in  white,  and  no  blood  might  be  shed  within  a 
mile's  distance  of  his  palace,  and  no  man  who  had  killed 
an  animal  might  come  within  a  spear's  throw  of  his  per- 
son. He  was  kind  to  all,  to  animals  and  to  men  alike, 
and  they  called  him  in  Uganda  "  the  good  father."  He 
had  given  up  the  search  for  Kintu,  for  he  knew  it  was 
hopeless ;  but  once  a  year  he  called  all  the  chiefs  to- 
gether, and  warned  them  that  until  they  gave  up  fighting 
among  themselves  and  warring  with  other  tribes,  they 
could  never  hope  to  see  the  Blameless  Priest  again. 

Now,  one  day  Ma'anda  dreamed  strangely,  and  rising 


The  Legend  of  the  Blameless  Priest.          69 

before  dawn,  went  to  his  mother  and  said  :  "  I  dreamt 
in  the  night  that  a  peasant  came  to*  me  from  the  forest 
and  told  me  something  that  filled  me  with  joy,  but  what 
it  was  I  cannot  remember." 

She  asked,  "  When  did  the  peasant  come  ?  " 

He  answered,  "  Just  as  the  hyaena  was  crying  for  the 
third  time." 

She  said,  "  But  that  is  not  yet." 

And  lo  !  as  she  spoke,  from  the  mtama  crop  the  hyaena 
cried  for  the  third  time — for  the  day  was  breaking — and 
Ma'anda's  mother  said,  "Get  ready  quickly,  and  take  your 
spear,  for  I  can  hear  the  peasant  coming,  and  he  has 
strange  news  to  tell  you,  my  son."  Ma'anda  could  hear 
nothing ;  yet  he  went  away  to  get  ready  to  receive  the 
messenger.  But  at  the  door  he  met  the  Katekiro,  the 
chief  officer  of  his  household,  who  said,  "  There  is  a 
madman  without,  who  says  he  has  news  for  the  king. 
He  is  only  a  peasant,  but  will  not  go  away,  for  he  says 
that  the  king  must  hear  his  news." 

"  Let  him  come  in,"  said  the  king.  And  the  peasant 
entered. 

"  What  is  it  ?  "  asked  Ma'anda. 

"  I  may  not  tell  any  one  but  the  king  and  the  king's 
mother :  which  are  they  ?  " 

So  the  king  took  the  peasant  into  his  mother's  house, 
and  having  carefully  seen  that  no  one  was  listening,  the 
peasant  told  his  tale. 

"  I  went  last  night  to  cut  wood  in  the  forest,  and  being 


7O  Under  the  Punkah. 

overtaken  by  the  darkness,  lay  down  to  sleep  by  my  wood. 
And  in  my  sleep  a  person  came  to  me  and  said,  '  Follow 
me,'  and  I  took  up  my  bill-hook  and  went  with  him.  And 
we  came  to  an  open  space  in  the  forest,  and  in  the  open 
space  I  saw  an  old  man  sitting,  and  beside  him.  on  either 
hand,  stood  a  number  of  old  men,  all  with  spears  in  their 
hands,  and  they  seemed  to  have  just  come  from  a  long 
march.  And  though  it  was  dark  in  the  forest,  it  was 
quite  light  where  the  old  men  were ;  and  the  old  man 
who  was  sitting  said  to  me,  '  Go  to  Ma'anda  the  king 
and  tell  him  to  come  to  me  with  his  mother.  But  let 
him  take  care  that  no  one  else,  not  even  his  dog,  follows 
him.  For  I  have  that  to  tell  him  which  will  make  him 
glad,  and  that  to  show  him  that  no  king  of  Uganda  has 
yet  been  able  to  find.'  So  I  laid  down  my  bill-hook 
and  my  head-cloth  where  I  was  standing,  and  I  turned 
and  ran  swiftly  from  fear,  and  I  did  not  stop  till  I  reached 
the  palace.  Oh,  great  king,  live  for  ever." 

"  Show  the  way,"  replied  Ma'anda,  "and  we  will  follow." 
So  they  stole  out  those  three — the  peasant,  the  king, 
and  his  mother — and,  thinking  they  were  unperceived, 
crept  away  from  the  palace  through  the  fence  of  the 
matete,  before  the  sun  rose  and  the  people  were  up. 
But  the  Katekiro  had  watched  them,  and  seeing  the 
king  go  out  with  only  the  peasant  and  his  mother,  said 
to  himself,  "  There  is  some  treachery  here.  I  will  follow 
the  king,  so  that  no  harm  may  befall  him." 

And  they  all  went  fast  through  the  forest  together, 


The  Legend  of  the  Blameless  Priest.         7 1 

and  though  the  king  kept  turning  round  to  see  if  any  one 
was  following,  the  Katekiro  managed  to  keep  always  out 
of  sight,  for  the  king's  eyes  were  dim  with  age.  And  at  last 
Ma'anda  was  satisfied  that  no  one  was  behind  them,  and 
hurried  on  without  looking  back.  And  at  evening  they 
came  to  the  spot,  and  the  peasant  was  afraid  to  go  on. 
But  he  pointed  before  him,  and  the  king  looking,  saw  a 
pale  light  through  the  trees,  and  between  the  trees  he 
thought  he  saw  the  figures  of  men  robed  in  white, 
moving  to  and  fro.  And  he  advanced  slowly  towards  the 
light,  and  as  he  got  nearer  it  increased  in  brightness, 
and  then  on  a  sudden  he  found  himself  in  the  glade, 
and  there  before  him  sat  the  old  man  surrounded  by  his 
aged  warriors,  and  at  his  feet  lay  the  wood -cutter's  bill- 
hook and  head-cloth.  Ma'anda  stood  astonished  at 
the  sight,  and  held  his  spear  fast;  but  a  voice  came 
to  his  ears,  so  gentle  and  so  soft,  that  his  doubts  all 
vanished,  and  he  came  forward  boldly. 

"  Who  art  thou  ?  "  asked  the  old  man. 

"  I  am  Ma'anda,  the  king." 

"  Who  was  the  first  king  of  Uganda  ?  " 

"  Kintu." 

"  Then  come  nearer,  for  I  have  something  to  tell  thee 
— but  why  didst  thou  let  any  one  come  with  thee  except 
the  peasant  and  thy  mother  ?  " 

"  No  one  is  with  me,"  replied  Ma'anda ;  "  I  kept  look- 
ing behind  me  as  I  came,  and  I  am  sure  that  no  one 
followed  us." 


72  Under  the  Punkah. 

"  Well,  then,  come  here  and  look  me  in  the  face.  I 
have  something  to  tell  thee  from  Kintu,  and  thou  shalt 
thyself  see  Kintu  to-day ;  but  first — why  didst  thou  let 
any  man  follow  thee  ?  " 

And  Ma'anda,  who  was  impatient,  answered  quickly, — 

"  No  one  followed  me." 

"But  a  man  did  follow  thee,"  replied  the  old  man, 
"  and  there  he  stands  ! "  pointing  with  his  finger  to  the 
Katekiro,  whose  curiosity  had  drawn  him  forth  from  his 
hiding.  Seeing  himself  discovered,  he  stepped  forward 
to  the  side  of  the  king. 

Then  Ma'anda's  wrath  overwhelmed  him,  and  for  the 
first  time  in  his  life  he  raised  his  hand  to  strike.  And 
his  spear  pierced  the  Katekiro  to  the  heart,  who  fell 
with  a  cry  at  his  feet.  At  the  horror  of  his  deed  and 
his  own  blood-splashed  robe,  Ma'anda  sprang  back,  and 
for  an  instant  covered  his  face  with  his  hands  in  an 
agony  of  sorrow. 

And  when  he  opened  his  eyes  again  the  forest  was  all 
dark,  and  the  old  man  and  his  chiefs  had  vanished  ! 

Nor  from  that  day  to  this  has  any  one  in  Uganda 
seen  the  "Blameless  Priest." 


SIGHT-SEEING. 

A   QUASI-SENTIMENTAL   JOURNEY. 

|O  you  like  railway  travelling?  It  is  a  question 
upon  which  the  best  of  friends  may  disagree 
mortally ;  but  for  myself,  here  in  India,  I  con- 
fess that  I  like  it — when  I  can  travel  with  a  servant  who 
understands  the  cooling  of  drinks.  As  the  train  proceeds 
I  feel  that  I  am  not  idle,  however  idle  I  may  really  be ;  for 
after  all,  what  more  can  I  do  than  sit  comfortably  bac 
in  my  seat  and  be  carried  along  ?  That  the  idleness  is 
enforced  makes  me  feel  all  the  more  busy,  at  any  rate 
all  the  less  idle,  and  while  I  sit  doing  nothing,  I  can 
luxuriously  affect  to  deplore  the  absence  of  active 
employment. 

One  o'clock  of  the  morning  "  by  Madras  time,"  and 
the  Mail  Train  North  snorting  and  fizzing  impatiently 
in  the  Allahabad  station. 

But  what  a  gross  impostor  a  train  is  !  To  the  inex- 
perienced traveller  it  seems  as  if  there  was  hardly  time 
to  fling  into  the  carriage  the  more  valuable  portions  of 
your  luggage,  and  to  plunge  after  it  yourself,  before  you 


74  Under  the  Punkah. 

are  whisked  off.  But  the  better  informed  know  that  the 
engine  is  only  showing  off.  Go  and  drink  a  cup  of  coffee 
at  your  leisure  at  one  of  the  marble  tables  in  the  refresh- 
ment-room yonder,  and  tell  your  bearer  meanwhile  to 
make  up  your  bed  in  the  carriage,  and  when  you  have 
done  all  this,  you  will  still  find  that  the  engine-driver  is 
saying  "  good-night " — that  the  Mail  Train  North  has 
no  intention  of  starting  before  the  proper  time.  Every- 
body in  this  part  of  India  pretends  to  set  great  store 
by  "Madras  time,"  but  no  one  sets  his  watch  by  it. 
It  is  only  an  official  formula. 

I  have  many  reasons  for  preferring  to  travel  "  first- 
class,"  for,  setting  aside  all  the  more  obvious  advantages 
of  doing  so,  it  pleases  me  to  be  "  salaamed "  to  by  the 
police-constable  with  the  baggy  blue  trousers,  and  shoes 
so  big  that  he  always  has  to  take  them  off  before  he 
can  run  after  a  thief.  He  salaams  only  to  first-class 
passengers.  I  am  neither  less  nor  more  than  a  man, 
and,  thereby  vindicating  .the  Ettrick  Shepherd,  I  like 
flattery.  It  gives  me  pleasure  to  be  mistaken  for  a 
Member  of  Council,  or  a  Railway  Director.  If  such 
could  be  bought  with  money,  I  would  lay  out  a  consider- 
able portion  of  my  income  in  a  false  appearance,  so  that 
I  might  at  all  times  receive  the  homage  of  a  dignitary 
in  the  land.  I  like  too,  to  be  thought  prosperous,  for 
prosperity  brings  out  my  finer  qualities.  I  am  then 
pleased  to  condescend,  and  the  poor  have  a  friend  in 
me.  I  set  my  face  against  tyranny,  and  scowl — a  whole 


Sight-seeing.  75 

Directorate  looks  out  angrily  from  my  eye — at  the 
constable  whom  I  see  misleading  a  native  passenger  by 
oracular  speech.  He  catches  my  eye  and  mistakes  me, 
doubtless,  for  the  Agent  of  the  Railway,  whereat  I  relax 
my  frown,  and  for  this  one  occasion  overlook  his  con- 
duct But  he  reads  it  in  my  eye  that  he  had  better  not 
let  me  detect  him  again  in  the  graceless  act  of  bewilder- 
ing a  rustic. 

In  prosperity,  too,  I  say  my  prayers  gratefully  ;  when 
happy,  I  am  found  in  church  on  Sundays.  But  in  ad- 
versity, thinking  that  my  "  kismet "  is  adverse,  I  be- 
come a  vagabond.  I  secrete  then  no  human  kindness, 
holding  the  world  to  be  at  odds  with  me,  and  myself  the 
weaker  of  the  two.  I  am  not  chastened  by  hard  times. 
They  irritate  me  to  revolt.  I  can  have  no  patience  with 
misfortune.  Why  should  we  play  the  hypocrite  and  ob- 
sequiously welcome  hard  times,  quoting  Seneca  to 
make  believe  we  agree  with  him  ?  Adversity  has,  at  any 
rate,  no  "  optabilia  "  for  me. 

But  at  last  the  long  leg  of  the  station  clock  is  close 
upon  the  short  leg,  halting  at  one.  The  engine-driver 
has  drunk  the  tumbler  of  farewell  to  the  last  drop,  and 
has  eaten  the  sugar  at  the  bottom  with  a  spoon ;  even 
the  fat  native  has  got  his  ticket,  and  after  many  violent 
but  ineffectual  efforts  to  get  into  a  horse-box,  has  been 
thrust  into  his  carriage.  The  bell-ringer  jerks  his  instru- 
ment as  if  he  really  meant  it  this  time ;  the  bustle  sud- 
denly ceases,  the  whistle  sounds,  everybody  steps  back, 


7  6  Under  the  Punkah. 

and  the  train — this  impatient,  panting  monster,  that 
seemed  fifteen  minutes  ago  about  to  run  away — this 
huge  creature  which  for  the  last  hour  has  been  pawing 
the  ground,  and  fidgetting  to  be  off— is  no  sooner  en- 
couraged to  proceed  than  it  jibs  and  backs  guard-first 
out  of  the  station  !  Yes,  it  is  a  fact :  the  Mail  Train 
North  has  started  for  Calcutta ;  but  it  soon  thinks  better 
of  it,  and  with  a  sudden  plunge  rushes  back  past  the 
platform.  A  streak  of  lamplight  and  faces,  and  then 
we  are  out  into  the  dark  night. 

The  long  lines  of  black  smoke  lie  parallel  on  the 
damp  night  air,  and  great  festoons  of  vapour  float  past 
the  windows  on  one  side  ;  from  the  other,  the  trees  show 
in  the  moonlight  like  hill  ranges  on  the  horizon  and  the 
shrubs  like  bisons.  The  earth  appears  of  a  silver  white, 
the  colour  of  a  mackerel's  stomach,  except  where  the 
water-pools  glisten,  and  the  night  glimmer  reveals  the 
stealthy  jackals  drinking,  or  where  the  flooded  ditches 
reflect  the  glare  of  the  passing  train.  And  now  a  station 
comes  sliding  along  towards  us,  the  train  goes  more 
slowly  forward  to  meet  it,  the  telegraph-posts  pass  in 
sober  procession,  the  trees  assume  a  vegetable  shape, 
and  we  are  once  more  among  our  fellow-beings. 

There  is  the  station-master  with  a  blue  paper  in  his 
hand ;  the  guard,  who  before  you  have  gone  a  hundred 
miles,  you  will  recognize  at  each  station  as  an  old  friend ; 
the  six  natives  who  were  always  going  to  be  left  behind, 
or  who  think  they  are  ;  the  bhistie  offering  water  to  those 


Sight-seeing.  77 

who  don't  want  any,  but  deaf  to  the  yells  which  issue  from 
the  darkness  where  the  third-class  carriages  are  standing. 
There  is  the  station  Babu,  a  thin,  sharp-faced,  under- 
sized being,  whose  explanations  drive  distracted  the 
sore-footed  villager  who  has  just  tramped  in,  and  wishes 
to  take  a  ticket  to  some  place  at  which  the  train  does 
not  stop ;  and  who  bustles  his  wife — she  looks  like  a 
great  fly  that  some  greater  spider  has  swathed  in  web, 
or  like  the  cocoon  of  some  monster  tissue-weaving  cater- 
pillar— hither  and  thither  as  if  she  were  a  bale  of  inferior 
piece-goods.  But  there  is  little  time  for  delay.  The 
blood  of  the  iron  horse  is  up,  and  it  is  snorting  to  be 
off;  the  whistle  screams,  and  the  engine,  as  if  it  had 
taken  fright,  bolts,  leaving  the  rustic  with  his  chrysalis 
wife  trying  to  explain  to  the  inattentive  Babu  and  to  the 
bhistie  the  whereabouts  of  the  village  whither  he  had 
hoped  to  travel.  And  so  on  through  the  dim  night. 
Long  reaches  of  grey  country,  sudden  interruptions  of 
bricks  and  mortar,  human  voices,  and  banging  of  doors. 

Rapid  motion  naturally  generates  rapid  thought — and 
of  a  jerky  kind.  I  never  think  so  much  as  when  in  a 
railway  train,  but  I  wish  I  could  write  when  my  thoughts 
are  hot.  It  must  be  a  great  relief  to  let  blood  from 
the  brain  with  a  pen  as  some  can  do.  Indeed,  what  a 
pleasure  it  must  be  to  do  things  at  the  right  time,  and 
as  soon  as  a  thought  walks  into  your  head  to  lead  it 
out  courteously  on  to  paper,  and  there  leave  it  for  ever. 
It  could  never  come  back  to  bother  you.  As  it  is,  I 


78  Under  the  Punkah. 

have  certain  thoughts  which  are  for  ever  overtaking  me. 
In  the  railway  they  afflict  me.  One,  for  instance,  is  the 
obstinate  contrariety  of  the  native.  Even  in  small  things 
we  are  antipodes.  Whatever  an  Englishman  will  do 
standing,  a  native  will  do  sitting.  The  former  beckons 
by  moving  his  finger  upwards  ;  the  latter  by  pawing 
the  air  downwards.  We  chirrup  to  a  horse  to  make  it 
go,  a  native  chirrups  to  it  to  make  it  stop.  When  an 
Englishman  has  been  using  an  umbrella,  he  rests  it 
against  the  wall  handle  upwards ;  but  a  native  puts 
it  handle  downwards.  We  blow  our  noses  with  our 
right  hand,  wiping  them  downwards  ;  they  with  their 
left  hand,  and  rub  their  noses  upwards.  If  we  wish 
to  put  a  thing  down,  we  do  so  on  the  nearest  table ; 
a  native,  if  undisturbed,  puts  a  thing  down— on  the 
ground.  We  write  from  left  to  right,  they  (most  of 
them)  from  right  to  left :  the  leaves  of  our  books  turn  to 
the  left,  but  when  we  read  in  native  books  they  turn  to 
the  right.  In  civilized  places  the  shepherd  drives  his 
sheep  before  him  ;  here  he  makes  one  of  the  flock,  or 
goes  in  front.  Even  the  birds  are  contrary  to  Western 
nature.  The  robins  of  England  have  red  on  their 
breasts,  in  India  they  wear  their  red  under  their  tails. 
But  the  list  would  never  end  if  I  could  remember  all 
the  instances  that  have  at  different  times  passed  under 
the  roller  of  my  brain-press.  But  somehow  the  type 
never  happened  to  be  inked. 

Again,  when  travelling  I  cannot  help  wondering  whe- 


Sight-seeing.  79 

ther  I  myself  in  the  train  am  not  a  very  exact  illustration 
of  the  British  in  India,  Here  am  I,  "  an  heir  of  all  the 
ages,  in  the  foremost  files  of  time,"  travelling  in  an  isolated 
fragment  of  western  civilization,  at  railroad  speed,  through 
a  heathen  and  ignorant  country.  I  have  no  time  to 
speak  to  the  natives  waiting  at  the  level  crossing.  I  am 
going  too  fast.  If  I  could,  they  would  not  understand 
or  sympathize  with  me.  So  they  catch  only  a  glimpse  of 
me ;  think  the  train  very  wonderful,  but  unnecessary; 
understand  nothing,  and  keep  their  ignorance  to  them- 
selves. A  rush  and  a  screech,  and  the  train  is  out  of 
sight.  The  gate  swings  open  and  the  ekkas  jingle  across 
the  line,  just  as  they  jingled  along  in  the  time  of  Akbar, 
and  as  if  the  metals  were  not  still  warm  with  the  rush  of 
a  passing  train.  The  people  in  the  fields  will  hardly 
turn  to  look  at  the  steam-angel.  Why,  in  any  English 
shire,  with  a  train  passing  every  two  hours,  the  sweating 
labourer  rests  a  moment  with  his  foot  upon  the  spade 
"  to  see  the  train  pass  ;"  but  here,  with  only  one  train  a 
day,  and  that  on  but  one  line,  the  ryot,  fingering  the 
weeds,  sits  with  his  back  to  the  train — crouched  on  the 
ground  like  a  big  frog,  his  arms  straight  out  before  him, 
and  his  elbows  resting  on  his  knees — and  pays  no  tribute 
to  science. 

Looking  out  of  the  window  of  a  train  is  of  itself  to  me 
a  source  of  great  enjoyment,  and  as  long  as  my  pipe 
holds  out,  I  can  sit  there  well-employed.  It  is  won- 
derful how  orderly  the  wild  world  is.  How,  without 


So  Under  the  Punkali. 

bidding,  all  nature  moves  along  in  its  appointed  way, 
each  creature  fulfilling  with  all  its  might  the  purposes 
of  its  creation — for  Pan  is  here  in  India  still  king  of 
the  country-side.  The  plover  with  the  crescent  of  white 
across  its  wings,  sweeps  from  marsh  to  marsh,  diligently 
intent  on  froglings,  and  the  dainty  little  snippet  searches 
the  reeds  by  the  puddle  side  as  studiously  as  if  the  world 
had  nothing  in  it  but  lob-worms.  The  hawk  with  the 
russet  head  hovers  long  and  high ;  its  sight  is  keen,  and 
in  its  swoop  is  death.  The  mynas  fight  on  the  hillock  for 
their  dames  without  thought  to  spare  for  the  world  beyond 
themselves,  and  the  hungry  wolf  sulks  low  in  the  babool's 
shade,  wondering  why  the  sun  should  shine  so  long. 

A  hundred  miles  gone  !  Been  asleep  ?  Did  any  one 
ever  confess  with  a  good  grace  to  having  been  asleep  in 
a  train  ?  Before  you  start  you  take  pains  to  explain  how 
very  irksome  railway  travelling  is  to  you,  how  you  always 
find  the  greatest  difficulty  in  closing  your  eyes,  and  how 
the  carriages  on  every  line  you  are  going  to  travel  on  are 
each  and  severally  the  most  uncomfortable  carriages  on 
any  line.  How,  then,  can  you  be  expected  to  confess  that 
four  minutes  after  you  lay  down  on  your  bed  with  a 
grumble  at  the  motion,  the  night  lamp,  and  Board  of 
Directors — just  one  minute  after  you  wound  up  your 
watch — that  you  fell  asleep,  and  that  you  have  been 
sleeping  ever  since  ?  Of  course  you  remember  all  the 
stations;  also,  of  course,  it  is  very  distinctly  in  your 
recollection  how  on  five  different  occasions  you  spoke  to 


Sight-seeing.  8 1 

your  fellow- passenger,  and  found  him  fast  asleep,  "snoring 
I  assure  you,  awfully."  You  did  at  one  time  close  your 
eyes,  you  allow,  and  this  is  why,  when  the  lamp  was 
shining  full  on  your  up-turned  face,  your  fellow-passenger 
made  the  mistake  of  supposing  you  were  aleep. 

*** 

Asleep  or  not  asleep,  however,  the  night  hasbeen passed, 
and  the  train  has  brought  us  to  Cawnpore.  In  England, 
men  remember  Cawnpore  as  the  Place  of  the  Well ;  but  in 
India  it  is  known  as  the  metropolis  of  the  hunters  of 
the  mighty  boar.  The  beautiful  gardens  have  long  ago 
smothered  up  in  flowers  and  foliage  the  memory  of '57. 
Looked  at  from  the  train,  the  adjuncts  of  Cawnpore  are 
very  much  like  the  adjuncts  of  Allahabad.  The  same 
woman  in  red  stained  clothes  is  going  to  the  well  with 
her  glittering  lotahs  on  her  head ;  the  same  man  is 
sauntering  across  to  his  work  in  the  fields — a  white  cloth 
flung  loosely  round  and  over  him;  the  crops  are  the 
same,  the  trees  and  the  pariah  dogs,  the  kine  and  the 
muddy  buffaloes.  But  there  are  differences.  The  babul 
trees  beyond  Cawnpore  grow  in  fine  avenues ;  the  ditches 
are  filled  full  with  plumes  of  grass-blossom,  satin  white ; 
in  every  hollow  along  the  rails  for  many  a  mile  it  lies 
thick,  hardly  allowing  the  water-roses  to  show  their  pink 
blossoms,  hardly  allowing  the  water-lilies  room  for  their 
flat  leaves  and  many-petalled  flowers  to  float,  affording  a 
safe  covert  for  the  pied  snippet  and  careful  egrets.  The 
train  had  gone  perhaps  a  mile,  our  pipes  were  hardly 

6 


82  Under  the  Punkah. 

re-lit,  when,  looking  from  the  window  I  saw  come  forth 
from  a  mud-walled  hamlet  into  the  keen  morning  air  a 
poor  procession  of  mourners,  and  a  woman  in  a  green 
kirtle  stood  watching  them,  shading  her  eyes  with  her 
hand,  as  they  passed  with  their  light  burden  towards  the 
mango  tope  across  the  fields.  Three  men  carrying  away 
a  dead  child,  a  little  brother  running  with  short  steps  along- 
side :  in  his  hand  a  potsherd  filled  with  fire.  That  was 
all.  The  pyre  will  be  on  the  river's  bank  away  beyond 
those  old  mango  trees,  from  whose  boughs  the  family  for 
four  generations  have  gathered  their  scanty  income. 
Surely  the  story  of  the  death  was  that  beautiful  one  in  the 
Book  of  Kings  : — "  It  fell  on  a  day  the  child  went  out  to 
his  father,  to  the  reapers.  And  he  said  unto  his  father, 
'  My  head,  my  head.'  And  the  father  said  to  a  lad, 
'  Carry  him  to  his  mother.'  And  when  he  had  taken  him, 
and  brought  him  to  his  mother,  he  sat  on  her  knees  till 
noon, — and  then  died."  But  there  is  no  Elisha  here, 
and  so  the  child  of  the  Hindu  woman  is  for  ever  dead. 
The  faquir  with  the  matted  locks  who  exacts  the  reverence 
of  the  ignorant  hamlet  is  powerless  to  bring  back  the  little 
life.  The  mother  may  offer  him  her  jewels — her  heavy 
nose-ring,  the  envy  of  her  girl-children,  her  plaited  bangles, 
her  toe-studs  brought  years  ago  from  Delhi — but  all  the 
parohit's  arrogant  invocations  have  not  the  power  of  the 
whispered  prayer  of  the  humble  Tishbite.  So  the  body 
is  being  carried  away  to  be  burned. 

Yonder  too  passing  through  the  corn-fields,  still  green 


Sight-seeing.  83 

with  their  young  crops,  is  a  party  worthy  of  notice.  A 
woman  brightly  clothed  is  riding  on  a  small  white  horse 
burthened  with  a  ponderous  head  and  a  pink  nose,  and 
still  more  ponderous  saddle :  before  her  is  set  a  little 
boy,  perhaps  three  years  old,  and  his  cap  is  of  gilded 
tinsel,  his  dress  of  gauzy  muslins  with  brilliant  edges. 
They  have  stained  the  horse's  tail  and  legs  a  brilliant 
salmon  colour.  Behind  the  horse  stride  the  husband  and 
his  brother;  their  step  is  brisker  than  when  they  are  bound 
for  the  ploughs,  their  clothes  more  brilliantly  white  :  on 
their  feet  are  red  shoes  turned  up  at  the  toes  with  green. 
In  their  left  hands  they  hold  tight  a  little  bundle,  their 
right  hands  grasp  six-foot  bamboos.  The  party  is  on  its 
way  to  marry  the  little  boy  to  a  still  smaller  girl.  The 
baby-bridegroom  evidently  likes  it :  he  claps  his  hand  to 
the  curly-tailed  puppy  that  barks  beneath  the  horse's 
nose,  and  waves  his  arms  to  the  passing  train :  and  the 
parents  like  it,  for  by  the  expedition  they  add  one  more 
to  the  long  list  of  their  holidays,  and  one  more  family  to 
the  long  list  of  their  relations,  that  mysterious  "  bhai 
bund,"  or  brotherhood,  which  the  native  of  India  delights 
in  increasing.  The  match  is  a  good  one  in  every  way, 
say  the  neighbours — most  desirable.  What  if  the  pair 
only  number  five  springs  between  them  ?  Will  they  not 
both  grow  ? 

The  next  village  will  hardly  have  a  wedding  in  it  for 
many  a  long  year  to  come.  The  railway  has  destroyed  it. 
Once  it  was  a  thriving  village.  But  the  railway  came, 

(,     2 


84  Under  the  Punkah. 

and  then  the  rains ;  but  there  was  something  wrong — 
perhaps  the  embankments  checked  the  drainage — for  the 
water  which  used  to  flow  down  to  the  valley  remained 
upon  the  fields.  To  throw  corn-seed  upon  water  seemed 
to  the  villagers  waste  of  grain,  so  the  land  produced  no 
crop  that  year.  But  the  next  year  it  did— a  crop  of  deaths. 
The  Government  sent  down  its  chiefs  of  sanitation,  and 
they  sat  in  judgment  upon  it;  but  the  plague  mean- 
while was  reaping  with  keen  sickle,  and  the  remnant  of 
the  living  fled  from  the  village  of  the  dead.  It  now 
belongs  by  right  of  sole  possession  to  the  adjutant  birds, 
who  stand,  economizing  one  leg,  upon  its  grassy  walls,  or 
parade  with  a  severe  solemnity  up  and  down  its  courtyards. 
The  adjutants  are  always  of  a  grave  mien— even  when,  as 
I  saw  them  near  Etawah,  they  are  assembled  for  the  dis- 
cussion of  so  cheerful  a  topic  as  a  dead  horse.  The 
lure  had  drawn  together  for  the  day  a  diligent  con- 
vention of  greedy  birds,  the  staid  adjutants,  the  sordid 
vultures,  and  the  communist  crows.  In  the  midst  of  the 
strange  company  lies  the  carcase,  and  as  you  pass  you 
catch  a  gleam  as  of  a  clean  picked  rib,  and  an  ugly  con- 
fusion of  animal  noises,  now  and  then  a  great  wing  is 
flapped,  and  yet,  except  for  a  thick  croak,  or  a  sudden 
riot  of  feathers,  the  birds  are  silent  enough  over  their 
meal.  In  the  outer  ring,  waiting  sulkily  till  the  adjutants 
shall  have  eaten  their  fill,  sit  the  vultures,  their  ragged 
pinions  drooped  to  the  ground,  their  bald  heads  erect 
to  watch  every  movement  of  the  revellers — unable  to 


Sight-seeing.  85 

approach  the  carcase,  and  yet  unwilling  to  give  up 
hopes.  Around  the  company,  and  in  and  out,  hop  the 
bright-eyed  crows,  ever  and  again  making  a  plunge  for  a 
morsel,  alert  to  seize  an  opportunity  to  annoy  the  less 
active,  or  to  snatch  up  the  shreds  of  carrion  which  may 
be  jerked  out  of  the  circle  ;  now  perched  on  a  vulture's 
back  to  command  a  better  view,  now  darting  between 
the  adjutants'  legs,  now  rolling  on  the  ground  in  sullen 
contest  with  some  more  lucky  bird. 

And  then  Etawah — and  breakfast — and  next  Aligurh 
and  its  ill-favoured  country,  but  abounding  in  antelope, 
which  scarcely  trouble  themselves  to  turn  to  look  at  the 
passing  train ;  and  then  Toondla — may  Toondla  be 
forgiven  for  its  draught-beer ! — and  so  through  the 
falling  evening  on  to  Ghaziabad.  Two  hours  to  stay  is 
little  hardship,  for  luggage  has  to  be  juggled  from  one 
side  to  the  other,  dinner  has  to  be  eaten  and  a  long 
pipe  to  be  smoked,  and  then  into  the  carriage  again,  and 
away  through  the  moonlight  to  "  merry  "  Meerut.  But 
not  merry  just  now,  for  the  beautiful  station  is  fast 
asleep ;  but  even  the  stranger,  rattled  along  in  the 
gharrie  of  the  country,  t  can  appreciate  its  smoothly 
metalled  roads,  spacious  and  edged  with  trees ;  the 
roomy  compounds,  and  the  wide  maidans  behind  which 
looms  a  great  battalion  of  barracks. 

In  the  dak-gharries  leaving  Meerut.  A  night  glorious 
with  a  full  moon  and  cool  air ;  a  bed  comfortable  with 
cosy  rugs,  a  tobacco-pouch  and  flask  ;  the  tattoos  striving 


86  Under  the  Punkah. 

their  vile  worst  to  avoid  the  labour  for  which  they  were 
foaled  and  bred,  and  to  compass  the  destruction  of  their 
fare.  And  who  can  ever  forget  those  suddenly  re- 
curring periods  of  full  stop  and  noise  whenever  there 
was  a  change  of  horses?  Two  ponies  are  seen  creeping 
with  a  mournful  demeanour  up  the  road-bank ;  are 
seized,  when  they  arrive  upon  the  level,  by  a  savagely- 
costumed  youth,  who  has  hitherto  confined  his  atten- 
tions to  a  melancholy  post-horn ;  are  thrust  backwards 
with  much  irrelevant  abuse  of  the  animals'  relatives  into 
the  primitive  harness ;  and  then,  as  soon  as  all  the  rope- 
ends  and  buckles  are  adjusted  and — the  youth  having 
resumed  his  abominable  music — the  traveller  has  made 
up  his  mind  that  he  is  really  off  at  last,  the  tattoos  turn 
solemnly  round,  and  look  with  a  sad  and  pensive  ex- 
pression of  face  into  the  gharrie-door.  The  whole 
establishment  is  at  once  provoked  into  a  deadly 
enmity  towards  those  sad-faced  ponies,  and  falls  to 
whacking  with  long  sticks  on  their  responsive  ribs. 
At  last,  while  one  man,  scantily  clad  and  yelling  hoarsely, 
pulls  by  a  thin  rope  each  tattoo's  ewe-neck  to  the 
extremity  of  its  tension,  and  two  others  push 
savagely  at  each  wheel — the  unhappy  animals  are 
deluded  into  moving  a  leg.  Once  set  a-going,  they  are 
lost  animals  ;  shouts  grow  more  frantic,  necks  are  pulled 
an  inch  longer,  the  wheel  describes  the  first  segment  of  a 
circle ;  matter  yields  to  mind,  and  in  a  wild  burst  of 
despair  the  gharrie  on  a  sudden  wakes  up,  and  is  carried 


Sight-seeing.  87 

headlong  onwards.  And  so  on  to  Gurmukhtesur  :  in- 
tervals of  mad  speed,  post-horn,  and  jolting ;  intervals  of 
stagnation,  sleepy  syces  and  coolies,  stubborn  relays,  and 
persuasive  whacks. 

The  tattoo  has  been  Hinduized  by  generations  of 
monotonous  ignorance  into  a  sullen  obstructiveness. 
He  has  no  objection  to  carry,  as  did  his  fathers 
before  him,  great  loads  of  merchandise,  field  produce,  or 
fat  traders,  from  morning  to  night  and  day  after  day. 
But  he  must  do  it  at  his  own  pace,  a  pensive  walk.  He 
resents  our  headlong  civilization,  as  he  calls  it,  "  our 
galloping  legislation."  He  is,  he  says,  being  civilized 
too  fast ;  he  is  not  a  hansom  horse  yet,  but  his  descen- 
dants will  develop  in  time,  when  his  sons  through  many 
generations  shall  have  intermarried  with  the  stately 
daughters  of  Feringhee  studs,  the  high-bred  dames  of 
Oosur,  Ghazipore,  Buxar,  and  Koruntadee;  when  the 
even  kunkur  shall  have  replaced  the  weary  mud  and 
dust,  and  the  sons  of  men  have  learnt  the  secret  of  keeping 
roads  in  repair.  "  Wait,"  cries  the  tattoo  ;  "  we  are  a  great 
nation  that  has  been  slumbering  for  centuries,  contented 
with  the  memories  of  our  primeval  Arabian  splendour. 
Let  us  wake  up  by  degrees.  We  are  being  educated,  and 
in  time  will  be  all  you  wish  ;  at  present  we  are  only  tats." 
But  our  century  has  no  patience  ;  and  so  we  insist,  with  our 
mail-carts,  horns,  and  long-thonged  whips,  in  riding  behind 
small  tattoos  at  hansom  speed.  One  result,  however,  is 
that  we  are  soon  at  Gurmukhtesur — the  dawn-breaking. 


88  Under  the  Piinkak. 

On  the  sands  at  Gurmukhtesur.  This  is  a.  fete  day,  and 
as  our  doolies  wind  their  way  among  the  stiff  tussocks  of 
keen  harsh  grass  which  the  sand  barely  supports,  the  long 
processions  of  holiday-makers — men  with  their  foreheads 
daubed  with  yellow  ochre  and  vermilion,  and  women,  with 
their  hair  worked  up  into  a  high  turret,  their  left  cheeks  half 
covered  by  the  extravagant  nose-jewel,  their  strangely 
coloured  clothes,  a  head  sheet  of  crimson-red,  a  kirtle  of 
orange,  and  a  bodice  of  many- coloured  chintz — was  a  sight 
that  should  be  vouchsafed  only  to  artists.  Beggars  are 
plentiful,  thrusting  crippled  limbs  before  us,  arrogant  in 
proportion  to  their  deformities;  half-tamed  cattle  with  por- 
tentous horns  block  up  the  narrow  foot-paths  and  resent 
interference ;  salesmen  abound  with  a  variety  of  value- 
less wares.  Here  a  man  is  offering  to  the  pious 
crowd  sweetmeats  of  strange  shapes,  and  all  strangely 
dirty;  there  another  is  sitting  beside  a  poor  dozen  of 
clay  figures ;  a  third  a  little  way  off  sells  coarse  green 
flasks,  in  which  the  worshippers  carry  home  with  them  the 
water  of  the  holy  river.  Among  the  women  I  saw  two  of 
a  strange  beauty.  They  were  walking  together,  each 
holding  on  her  head  a  curious  flat  earthen  flask,  with  a 
raised  mouth  in  the  centre  of  the  disc.  Their  dress 
was  as  brilliant  as  bright  colours  audaciously  alternated 
could  make  them — orange  with  scarlet,  yellow  with  red, 
and  each  with  all.  They  were  above  the  average  height  of 
women,  strong-limbed,  but  shapely,  and  holding  them- 
selves as  only  Eastern  damsels  do.  Their  colour  was  a 


Sight-seeing.  89 

fine  maize ;  their  mouths  full-lipped,  but  not  weak  in 
expression ;  nose  and  eyebrows  perfect ;  and  their  eyes — 
they  were  not  eyes,  but  positive  glories.  My  doolie 
happened  to  be  stopped  a  few  seconds  close  before  them, 
but  in  that  time  there  was  leisure  enough  to  guess  at, 
in  those  great  eyes,  a  strange  depth  of  the  wild 
Rohilla  character.  I  think  that  one  must  have  been 
named  Jael,  the  other  Judith. 

Then  we  reach  the  river,  and  a  ponderous  boat  is 
waiting  for  us,  and  on  to  this  our  doolies  are  lifted. 
Behind  us  crovyd  in  a  score  of  men  who,  their  piety 
assuaged,  are  returning  to  their  fields  and  every-day 
work.  We  are  punted  out,  and  farther  and  farther 
recedes  the  white  sand  of  the  river-side,  fringed  with 
the  brilliant  colours  of  the  holiday  dresses,  and  fainter 
and  more  faint  come  to  us  the  cries  of  invocation  to 
the  God  of  the  River.  Then  the  unwieldy  boat  gets 
aground,  and  the  boatmen  lay  down  their  oars — miracles 
of  false  balance  and  bad  workmanship — and  slip  into  the 
river,  and  with  much  shouting  pull  the  crazy  structure  into 
deeper  water.  We  move  along  again,  on  either  hand  a  long 
reach  of  sand,  until  we  reach  a  point  where  a  dunghill 
has  been  heaped  up  on  a  slope  as  a  jetty  for  the  con- 
venience of  man  and  beast.  Pride  is  out  of  the  question, 
so  I  use  the  dunghill  as  a  pier,  and  at  the  upper  end  find 
myself  once  more  on  the  sands,  a  prey  to  doolie-men,  who 
carry  me  off  across  an  uninteresting  plain,  into  a  wilder- 
ness of  stunted  palm-trees.  Here  and  there  stands  one  of 


QO  Under  tlie  Punka] i. 

a  normal  stature,  but  the  greed  of  their  owners  for  the 
potent  juice  has  dwarfed  all  the  rest,  and  the  earthen  pots 
hanging  in  a  circle  under  the  coronal  of  fronds  tell  their 
own  tale.  Through  these  we  pass,  and  suddenly  emerge 
upon  the  welcome  stage  where  gharries  are  again  waiting  for 
us.  And  as  we  rattle  and  jingle  along,  how  very  much  alike 
one  mile  is  to  another  !  The  occasional  corn  patches  with 
the  machans  like  eagles'  nests  standing  out  from  the 
middle ;  the  circles  of  travellers  smoking  under  the  trees 
by  the  road-side ;  long  streaks  of  reedy  marsh  in  which 
grey  and  white  wading-birds  are  looking  for  worms,  and 
over  which  hover  and  dart  innumerable  dragon-flies.  Here, 
too,  is  the  same  goat  we  left  behind  us  at  Allahabad — 
standingridiculously  on  its  hind-legs  against  a  tree,  trying  in 
vain  to  reach  down  with  its  fore-feet  a  tuft  of  leaves  which 
you  know  that,  at  its  utmost  stretch,  it  can  never  reach. 
But  the  goat,  though  ambitious,  has  little  perseverance,  so 
he  soon  gives  up  his  attempt,  and  falls  to  at  the  humbler 
vegetables,  which,  growing  on  the  flat  ground,  yield  them- 
selves an  easy  prey.  Hour  slips  after  hour ;  we  are  weary 
of  pipes)  and  the  afternoon  glare  reveals  us  to  ourselves  in 
all  the  grime  of  travel.  Welcome  is  the  long  reach  of 
shady  road  that  leads  into  Moradabad,  and  thrice  wel- 
come the  ascent  to  the  dak-bungalow.  With  soap  and 
water  returns  my  self-respect,  and  with  the  proud  air  of 
one  born  to  command  I  order  the  instant  death  of  pullets. 


* 
*  * 


Who  writes  the facetitf.  in  dak-bungalow  books?     Go 


Sight-seeing,  9 1 

where  you  will  upwards  you  meet  him  :  at  Moradabad, 
which  I  take  to  be  a  typical  dak-bungalow,  with  khan- 
samah  constructed  as  per  standard  plan,  and  bath-room 
doors  that  never  shut ;  at  Durrial,  that  lonesome  house 
where  good  curry  abideth ;  at  Kaladoongee,  prettily 
built  and  cheerful,  where  the  secret  of  tea  is  known  to  the 
cook ;  at  NyneeTal,  with  its  abundance  of  provisions  from 
a  "sudden  death"  to  a  Strasbourg  pate,  from  the  local  brew 
to  Giesler's  driest ;  at  Ramghur,  where  fowls  lay  the  eggs 
of  finches,  but  develop  the  bones  of  vultures ;  at  Pooree, 
where  the  dak-bungalow  dog,  a  fastidious  beast,  chooses 
to  hunt  and  disperse  his  fleas  under  strangers'  beds  ; 
at  Almorah,  the  model  of  dak-bungalows,  where  visits  you 
the  wily  vendor  of  Ghoorka  curios,  the  strange  man  who 
offers  you  in  a  breath  yak-tails,  honey,  or  stuffed  birds,  an 
executioner's  sword  as  in  fashion  in  Nepal,  or  walnuts 
seven  hundred  for  the  rupee  ;  at  Raneekhet,  where  wood 
— so  stringent  are  our  forest  laws — cannot  be  bought  but 
can  be  stolen  without  any  difficulty — where  no  fowls 
can  be  obtained,  but  eggs  are  cheap ;  at  Khyrna,  where 
once  a  year  fever  kills  off  the  staff,  leaving  only  a  washer- 
man to  cook  for  travellers,  and  a  grass-cutter  to  wait  upon 
them  at  dinner ; — at  one  or  all  of  these  places,  we  have 
only  to  look  at  the  dak-bungalow  book  to  track  the 
facetious  wanderer  from  stage  to  stage.  The  trail  of  the 
unny  man  is  over  them  all. 

But  I  left  myself  just  starting  from  Moradabad,  pass- 
ing through  the  picturesque  bazaar,  paying  toll  at  the 


92  Under  the  Punkah. 

bridge  of  boats,  and  then  entering  a  long  reach  of  grey 
sand.  Here  it  is  impossible  not  to  wonder  at  and  ad- 
mire the  splendid  working  of  the  doolie-bearers.  Though 
the  heavy  sand  lies  ankle-deep,  their  courtesy  to  each 
other  is  unbroken,  their  cheerfulness  unchanging  -  now 
passing  a  joke  with  a  friend  going  by,  now  exchanging 
a  hearty  "  Ram  Ram  "  with  another  party  of  bearers — 
ever  alert  to  take  up  the  pole  in  their  proper  series, 
watchful  of  sudden  holes,  and  keeping  up  as  they  trot 
a  running  commentary  on  the  road,  their  freight,  their 
hookahs,  or  the  passers-by.  The  coolie,  however,  seems 
to  many  a  poor  thing.  At  any  rate,  it  takes  a  terribly 
short  time  for  some  who  come  to  India  to  consider 
him  a  creature  of  no  feelings,  and  of  less  reason. 
Sensitive  as  the  young  Englishman,  with  his  grand 
nation's  ideas  of  independence,  may  be  when  he  first 
reaches  Calcutta  or  Bombay,  the  sharp  edges  of  his 
humanity  are  worn  off  before  he  reaches  his  station,  and 
in  a  month  he  finds  himself  speaking  of  "  coolies  "- 
ay,  and  he  regrets  it  at  times — as  the  beasts  of  burden 
of  the  country,  which  for  a  paltry  three  pennies  he 
may  use  for  twelve  hours  of  God's  daylight  for  any 
purpose  he  pleases.  His  humanity  is  his  misfortune, 
and  his  poor  allotment  of  reason  the  handle  for  his 
degradation.  Better  for  him  had  his  arms  remained 
feet,  his  ears  never  been  replicated.  And  yet  the  coolie 
is  worthy  of  admiration.  His  heroism  in  toil  should  com- 
mend itself  to  Englishmen ;  while  the  fine  independence 


Sight-seeing.  93 

of  the  600  men  who  not  long  ago  struck  work  on  a  Govern- 
ment canal,  and  went  home  without  three  weeks' 
wages  due  to  them,  is  an  index  of  no  mean  natures. 
Their  reason  was  that  one  poor  creature  of  their  number 
had  been  treated  with  injustice.  Tell  the  howling  working- 
man  of  free  and  independent  England  this,  and  he  will 
say  "damned  fools."  The  injured  man  should  have 
gone  to  law  in  a  regular  way,  his  expenses  being  paid  by 
his  comrades :  a  petition  against  the  ill-usage  of  coolies 
should  have  gone  up  to  government,  and  meanwhile  there 
should  have  been  a  strike  for  only  eight  hours'  work, 
and  a  rise  of  twenty-four  per  cent,  in  the  wages.  But 
the  up-country  coolies  argued  differently.  A  brother 
had  been  insulted :  were  they  in  turn  to  lose  their 
"honour"?  Rather  than  this,  they  hungrily  forewent 
their  wages,  and  returned  unpaid  to  their  homes  among 
the  rhododendrons  on  the  hills. 

And  now  the  night  is  falling,  the  torches  have  been 
lighted,  and  before  us  lies  the  Terai,  with  its  miasmata 
and  tigers.  This  is  the  fabled  tract  over  which,  as  the 
English  public  once  believed,  no  bird  can  fly,  but  drops 
halfway  into  the  poison-breathing  jungle ;  no  beast  can 
live  except  the  hyaena,  with  whom  fever  agrees;  the  cayman 
which  knows  not  ague,  flying  foxes,  and  a  hideous  multi- 
tude of  vipers — the  anaconda,  pythons,  and  amphisbcenas, 
gross  spiders  that  overpower  birds,  and  the  snapping 
turtle.  How  different  it  is  to  us  now !  A  doolie,  to 
which  sleep  comes  as  lightly  as  to  feather-beds,  six  men 


94  Under  the  Punkah. 

and  a  torch,  an  hour  or  two  of  a  not  uncomfortable 
motion,  and  we  find  ourselves  with  the  day  beginning  to 
break  beyond  "  the  deadly  Terai."  And  then  another 
hour,  and  we  turn  full  upon  the  dak-bungalow  at  Kala 
dungi — the  jungle  fowl  calling  from  the  deep  coverts, 
the  first  sun  striking  through  the  columned  trees,  a  ragged 
tapestry  of  moss  hanging  from  every  bough,  and  the  clean- 
clad  kitmutgar  bowing  in  gratitude  for  favours  to  come. 


* 
*  * 


Up  the  hill.  First  the  pleasant  level,  thick-shaded, 
along  which  the  pony  lends  itself  willingly  to  spur  and 
whip  until  the  stranger  thinks  the  hills  have  been  maligned, 
exaggerated ;  that  khuds  are  the  unwholesome  fictions  of 
some  dyspeptic  spinster ;  that  he  will  canter  into  Nynee 
Tal  in  time  for  a  late  breakfast.  Only  sixteen  miles — but 
on  a  sudden  Dya  Patta  becomes  a  stern  reality ;  and  the 
pony,  an  old  mountaineer,  refuses  even  an  amble;  the 
road  looks  as  if  it  never  could  go  down  hill  again  ;  the 
sun  finds  you  out  on  the  path,  and  stares  at  you  as  you 
creep  up ;  and  before  Mangowlie  is  reached,  your  watch 
has  told  you  that  breakfast — let  it  be  never  so  late — must 
be  cold  by  this  time.  The  khansamah  there  tells  you 
that  Nynee  Tal  is  still  seven  miles  above  you ;  and  if  it 
rains  ! — but  I  will  not  suppose  it.  Rather  let  the  ride  up 
be  in  that  glorious  month  October.  The  clear  air  reveals 
on  one  side  "  the  Plains  "  spread  out,  a  white  river  winding 
along,  dark  patches  of  forest-land  enamelled  upon  lighter 
ones  of  corn-fields  and  bare  plains,  stately  clouds  here 


Sight-seeing.  95 

and  there  leisurely  trailing  their  dark  shadows  across 
the  landscape  ;  on  the  others,  east,  west,  and  north, — The 
Hills  !  They  are  heaped  together,  wall  behind  wall  of 
living  green,  with  great  ramparts  of  rock  and  smooth 
grassy  bastions  disposed  in  orderly  disorder,  and  for  moats 
long  valleys  filled  with  white  mist — a  grand  system  of 
fortifications  guarding  the  approaches  to  the  snows. 
The  path  mounts  upwards ;  on  either  hand  lies  a  great 
slope  of  pine  and  oak,  boulders  panelled  and  festooned 
with  moss  and  ferns,  the  green  landscape  relieved  here 
by  a  mass  of  yellow  mullen,  there  by  the  crimson  leaves 
of  the  creepers  fading  among  the  pines. 

On  the  sunny  patches,  or  where  a  gorge  suddenly  open- 
ing shows  a  great  triangle  of  mountain  side  sloping  down 
to  a  valley  in  which  the  trees  look  like  shrubs  and  from 
which  rises  up  the  pleasant  sound  of  rushing  water,  flit 
insects  of  shapes  and  tints  strange  to  the  new-comer. 
Great  velvet  bees,  banded  with  orange  and  gold;  the 
flame-coloured  Sirex  and  a  myriad  of  butterflies — Sar- 
pedon  on  his  wings  reflecting  in  broad  bars  the  blue  of 
the  sky  above  ;  Polyctor  gorgeous  in  purple  and  green  and 
gold ;  Paris  with,  on  either  wing,  a  great  splash  of  sap- 
phire ;  the  Gonepteryx  and  Colias  wandering  sun-flashes 
and  the  frittillaries,  on  whose  under-wingslie  silver  sparkles 
caught,  in  flitting  over,  from  some  glittering  cascade. 
But  what  a  dearth  of  animal  life  !  There  are  no  squirrels 
on  the  boughs,  or  hares  on  the  hill-side.  Where  are  the 
deer  lying?  where  the  monkeys  hidden?  Even  birds  are  few. 


96  Under  the  Punkah. 

The  slate-blue  jay  is  heard  screeching  or  seen  hopping 
among  the  fallen  leaves;  the  braggart  parrot  with  his 
yellow  tail  that  can  never  leave  a  tree  without  telling  the 
world  of  it,  a  woodpecker  or  nuthatch  is  heard  at  times, 
or  a  wagtail  is  seen.  True,  there  is  that  ubiquitous  philo- 
sopher the  crow,  his  vile  voice  viler  by  the  sore  throat  he 
seems  to  have  caught  in  the  hills,  and  there  are  tomtits 
everywhere ;  but  the  wilderness  of  trees  seems  somehow 
very  desolate.  Oh !  for  the  more  beautiful  forests  of 
England,  the  forest  of  Savernake.  There  the  giant 
beech-trees,  smooth-lobed  and  tender  foliaged,  spread 
wide  their  level  arms  to  shade  the  herds  of  dappled 
deer,  and  the  red  squirrels  chatter  from  the  silver  boughs 
of  the  dainty  larches  ;  in  the  tall  bracken-fern  lie  couched 
a  nation  of  hares  and  rabbits  ;  on  the  white  thorn,  still 
redolent  with  the  perfume  of  opening  leaf  buds,  swing 
the  blackbird  and  the  thrush,  fluting  from  morning  to 
night ;  a  thousand  song-birds  are  in  every  thicket,  and 
comfortable  dormice  nestle  in  every  knoll  of  moss. 
Glorious  indeed  are  the  mountains  and  the  forests  of 
the  East ;  but  it  seems  as  if  there  came  to  them  after  the 
Creator,  grandly  shaping  as  He  passed,  no  angels  with 
loving  lady  hands  to  make  each  corner  beautiful,  to  cover 
each  stone  with  mosses,  plant  flowers  in  each  cranny  and 
chink,  and  give  to  every  nook  its  tuneful  bird  or  harmless 
beast. 

But   no   one   can   accuse  me  of  indifference  to  the 
beauties  of  the  Indian  Hills.     Come  with  me  to  Nynee 


SigJit-seeing.  97 

Tal  and  along  the  level  road  that  scars  old-Cheena,  from 
which  the  green  lake  is  seen  lying,  pear-shaped,  at  the  feet 
of  the  watchful  hills,  on  which,  perched  one  above  the 
other,  glisten  the  white- walled  homes  that  we,  in  our  North- 
ern love  of  cold,  have  travelled  so  far  to  build.  Here  is 
the  Snow  Seat.  Blessed  benches  !  Buddha  himself,  had  he 
just  toiled  up  the  steep  Khyrna  gorge,  could  not  have 
refrained  with  all  his  self-denial  from  resting  on  your 
broad-barred  levels  :  your  height  with  a  nice  discretion 
so  adjusted,  that  the  feet,  sick  of  going  now  on  heel  and 
now  on  toe,  can  rest  plantigrade,  fully,  comfortably  flat, 
upon  the  ground,  the  elbows  leaning  upon  the  knees, 
and  between  the  open  palms  the  head — while  the  eyes, 
resentful  of  the  everlasting  up-rights  of  the  hills,  the 
eternity  of  rock  and  tree,  rest  leisurely  upon  the  distant 
sublimity  of  the  Snowy  Range.  The  Snowy  Range  ! 
Hats  off  to  the  Trisool.  Bow  to  Khamet.  Down,  down 
with  you,  to  their  queen,  the  Nunda  Devi.  Modest 
in  her  superb  pre-eminence,  she  stands  blushing — for 
the  sun  is  rising — behind  her  more  forward  and  less 
lovely  sisters,  the  grand  trinity  of  rock  that  from  year 
to  year  looks  full  across  through  cloud  and  storm. 
The  elements  may  fume  and  fret  at  times;  the  space 
between  the  Snow  Hills  and  the  Snow  Seat  be  filled 
now  with  dense  sleet,  now  with  denser  fogs ;  black  rain- 
clouds  may  sulk  along  the  mountains'  side,  summer 
fleeces  float  about  them  or  cluster  round  their  brows. 
But  the  rain-cloud  is  soon  emptied,  the  fog  slinks 

H 


98  Under  the  Punkah. 

away,  and  the  summer  fleeces  are  melted  into  the 
ardent  blue;  and  still  there,  in  their  places,  are  the 
great  calm  hills,  sphinx-eyed,  enthroned  upon  the  Hima- 
layas, and  robed  in  imperial  ermine.  No  wonder  that 
the  natives  hold  the  snows  in  awe !  Fair  or  foul  the 
weather,  from  age  to  age,  the  grand  Three  sit  there, 
a  bench  of  gods  keeping  count  of  time.  The  desolation 
of  the  snows  is  terrible.  Seldom  does  a  bird  visit  them  : 
few  beasts  dwell  among  them.  Their  very  grandeur 
forbids  familiarity  even  with  Nature. 

When  I  first  saw  the  snows,  it  was  unexpectedly;  I 
gasped  out  with  my  last  mouthful  of  breath  (for  I  had 
just  walked  up  the  hill)  "the  snows!"  Then  I  sat  down 
comfortably  and  lighted  my  pipe,  and,  resting  my  head 
upon  my  hands,  I  looked.  And  while  I  looked  I  forgot  to 
smoke  :  the  silent  solemnity  of  those  great  hills  crept  over 
me,  and  before  I  had  satisfied  my  eyes,  I  got  up,  the  act 
was  hardly  voluntary,  and  passed  down  the  hill,  as  if,  my 
sacrifice  offered,  it  would  have  been  irreverent  to  loiter. 

*** 

Driving  along  on  any  hot  morning  to  an  uninteresting 
routine  of  office  work,  you  feel  a  flabby  sort  of  sympathy 
with  the  man  out  in  the  sun,  struggling  with  refactory 
bullocks  at  the  well — and  are  half  resolved  to  see  about 
having  a  shed  put  up  for  him.  But  something  goes 
wrong  with  you,  and  you  fall  at  once  into  the  poetical 
error  of  envying  "humble  but  honest"  toil  — would  it 
not  be  better  after  all  to  have  nothing  worse  to  harry  you 


SigJit-seeing.  99 

than  that  lucky  fellow  there  out  by  the  well  coaxing 
bullocks  up  the  well-walk,  and  sauntering  with  them 
down  again  ?  But  after  awhile,  again,  there  comes  a 
holiday,  and  as  you  rattle  past  the  very  same  man  for 
a  week  with  a  friend  "  in  camp,"  you  pity  "  that  poor 
beggar  "  who,  despite  all  his  hallooing,  can  only  send  his 
beasts  up-hill  by  twisting  their  tails,  and  down-hill 
by  kicking  their  stomachs.  And  some  day  you  will 
be  transferred  to  another  station,  perhaps  get  that  last 
step  that  levels  all  promotion;  but  a  man  will  go  on 
drawing  water  from  the  same  well,  and  the  wheels  will 
creak,  and  the  bullocks  stagger,  for  your  successor  to 
moralize  over  just  as  they  did  for  you.  This  is  very 
feeble  moralizing— you  cannot  moralize  currente  calamo, 
for  twaddle  is  only  to  be  avoided  with  labour— but  it  was 
my  first  impression  when  starting  on  my  sight-seeing, 
so  I  record  it. 

On  my  way  to  the  railway  station  the  chuprassy 
who  brings  round  the  begging-book  for  our  band-stand  met 
me,  and  in  the  lofty  plenitude  of  my  benignity  I  pulled 
up  to  explain  to  him  that  as  we  were  going  to  the  hills 
he  need  not  bring  it  next  month.  On  other  occasions  I 
have  spoken  roughly  to  that  man. 

Friends  had  been  very  careful  to  warn  us  against  rail- 
way travelling  in  May.  But  I  am  superstitious,  and 
believe  in  luck,  if  confidently  wooed.  Besides,  the 
auguries  had  been  most  auspicious.  I  saw  nine  vultures 
on  one  palm-tree  in  the  railway-barracks  compound,  and 
H  2 


ioo  Under  the  Punkah. 

there  were  three  kites  on  the  corner  of  the  station  roof. 
So  I  took  our  tickets  boldly. 

Benares  has  often  been  visited  but  never  described. 
I  should  like  to  have  a  year's  leave  given  me  to  wander 
about  it ;  but  I  am  not  sure  that  I  should  venture  at  the 
end  of  the  twelve  months  to  attempt  a  description.  I 
believe  I  should  have  turned  Hindoo  before  my  leave 
was  up,  for  as  it  is,  the  sacred  glamour  of  the  place  makes 
me  think  reverently  of  the  holy  city.  But  besides  the 
actual  city  itself — "  Kashi  "  the  house  of  the  gods — there 
is  much  that  has  never  been  described  at  all.  Where, 
for  instance,  is  the  story  of  Madho  Das's  garden  to  be 
found — a  story  that  includes  every  event  of  interest 
since  we  took  the  Province  ?  Then  there  is  the  College, 
as  instinct  with  interest  as  the  Golden  Temple  itself, 
with'  its  beautiful  grounds,  that  owe  so  much  of  their 
beauty  to  the  care  of  the  scholar  known  so  well  to 
Europe  by  his  graceful  translation  of  the  Ramayana. 
Walk  in  the  garden  in  the  early  morning,  andjthe  singular 
aptitude  of  the  Benares  College  for  the  Oxfordship  of 
oriental  learning  grows  upon  you  with  an  accumulative 
force  that  only  the  power  of  the  beauty  of  the  Taj  can 
equal,  and  nothing  can  surpass.  More  wild  things, 
birds  and  animals,  live  unmolested  in  the  college  garden 
than  in  all  the  rest  of  Benares.  Leave  the  pigeon-flights 
out  of  calculation.  Sit  only  under  the  bamboos,  or 
wander  among  the  rose  wildernesses  round — a  graceless 
economy  has  degraded  into  a  school-room  the  house 


Sight- seeing.  101 

that  used  to  belong  to  the  senior  professor — and 
you  will  understand  my  meaning.  The  whole  place  is 
instinct  with  creature  life.  Under  the  trees  close  by, 
stand  scattered  and  grouped  ancient  carvings  from 
Saranath  and  elsewhere,  objects  of  study  for  men  of  science, 
of  worship  for  the  country  side.  Over  and  among  these 
squirrels  troop  merrily,  and  families  of  sedate  mynas 
take  their  pleasure.  Up  in  the  bamboos  above  you  is  a 
family  of  tree-cats,  and  grey  squirrels  innumerable ;  and 
among  their  roots  the  diligent  mongoos  is  busy  all  day 
long.  Lizards  and  frogs  of  portentous  growth  divide 
the  damper  spots  between  them,  while  the  sunny  level  of 
the  lawn  is  the  playground  of  all  the  prettiest  winged 
things  known  to  our  Indian  gardens.  Never  disturbed 
here,  they  have  grown  bold  by  long  security,  and  the 
golden  orioles  and  blue  jays,  crow-pheasants  and  bee- 
eaters  have  come  to  look  upon  the  grounds  of  the  College 
as  sacred  to  themselves.  A  jealous  wall  encloses  them 
from  the  hurry  and  dust  of  the  outer  business  world, 
and  the  highways  of  traffic  are  hidden  from  sight  by 
creepers  and  dainty  foliage,  among  which  a  nation  ot 
little  birds,  queer  little  green  ones  that  wear  white 
spectacles,  and  dainty  purple  creatures  like  humming 
birds,  besides  a  multitude  of  beautiful  insects.  In 
the  midst  of  these  wild  things'  pleasure-grounds,  Mr. 
Ralph  Griffith's  house,  buried  in  trees  and  creepers, 
shows  as  an  ideal  retreat  of  culture  and  tasteful  scholar- 
ship. But  we  have  no  time  to  loiter  over  the  grounds. 


IO2  Under  the  Punkah. 

Take  a  look,  however,  as  you  pass  it,  at  the  crocodile 
in  the  tank.  The  beast  was  put  in  here  nineteen  years 
ago,  and  is  now  only  about  six  feet  long.  He  (or  it) 
lives  at  the  bottom  of  a  tank,  and  requires  much  prod- 
ding with  bamboos  before  he  will  put  his  head  out  of 
the  dirty  water,  and  when  he  does  there  is  much  in 
his  personal  appearance  to  justify  his  shyness. 

A  "  sight "  to  be  seen  near  Benares,  and  one  that  has 
been  described  out  of  all  likeness  to  itself,  is  the  old 
Buddhist  tope  of  Saranath.  But  there  is  little  room  for 
enthusiasm.  To  enjoy  it,  you  must  enjoy  the  drive 
to  and  fro,  so  the  day  must  be  such  a  one  as  that  which 
we  chanced  upon.  The  sun  had  taken  "  privilege  leave," 
and  a  brisk  cool  breeze  was  officiating  for  him,  and 
the  drive  was  as  delightful  as  it  could  be.  And  all 
the  world  was  out  of  doors  at  noon.  By  the  road  sides 
the  vendors  of  queerly-bottled  concoctions  sat  comfort- 
ably, and  under  a  tree  with  small  round  purple  blos- 
soms, the  wee  brown  children  were  sweeping  up  the 
fallen  flowers  into  heaps  and  tumbling  in  them,  glad  to 
find  any  plaything,  The  rain  of  the  day  before  had 
washed  the  country  clean,  the  cactus  banks  were  all  a- 
glitter  with  yellow  stars,  and  on  the  cool  and  dust-laid 
ground  the  easily  contented  kine  lay  at  rest.  Along  the 
roads  women  filed  chattering,  and,  relieved  from  the  burden 
of  the  summer  sun,  seemed  to  bear  lightly  their  prodigious 
loads  of  cucumbers  and  mangoes.  What  splendid  man- 
goes those  are  in  the  orchards  on  the  way  to  Saranath  !  I 


Sight-seeing.  i  o  3 

was  told  they  belonged  to  Rajah  Shambu  Narain.  He  is 
the  son  of  that  fine  old  gentleman  Sir  Deo  Narain  Singh, 
who  behaved  so  well  in  '57,  in  spite  of  the  fact  that  he 
himself  believed  that  our  raj  was,  at  any  rate  for  a  time, 
over  and  gone.  That  he  actually  did  hold  this  belief 
all  the  time  he  worked  so  splendidly  for  us  rests  on 
his  own  word,  and  it  illustrates  the  high  estimation  in 
which  his  character  was  held  by  the  Englishmen  who 
knew  him,  that  though  none  of  them  ever  doubted  the 
truth  of  his  conviction,  none  ever  doubted  his  courageous 
loyalty. 

Saranath  is  one  of  those  places  that  you  "  ought  to 
see,  you  know,"  but  which  you  can  have  seen  just  as 
well  from  a  photograph  as  from  life.  When  you  have 
said,  on  first  viewing  it,  "what  a  tremendous  heap  of 
bricks,"  on  examining  it,  "  what  boldness  of  design  in  that 
flamboyant  tracery,"  and  on  going  into  the  tunnel  which 
runs  through  it,  "  I  hope  there  are  no  snakes  here,"  you 
have  nearly  exhausted  remark.  The  wretched  old  impos- 
tor who  lights  wisps  of  straw  to  see  you  into  the  tunnel, 
— and  mumbles  what  he  supposes  to  be  Sanscrit  when 
he  has  got  you  into  the  middle, — has  got  doubled  up  by 
creeping  through  the  tunnel,  and  wealthy  at  the  same 
time.  At  any  rate  he  scorns  pice.  His  descendants, 
moreover,  who  dance  wildly  round  the  carriage  for 
"  bakshish  "  as  you  go,  are — in  spite  of  their  impudent 
statement  that  they  "  kabhi  khana  nahin  khaya " 
("have  never  had  any  victuals") — as  fat  and  jolly  little 


IO4  Under  the  Punkah. 

imps  as  any  in  fairyland,  and  the  extraordinary  way 
in  which  they  keep  up  with  the  carriage,  threading  their 
way  through  the  strewn  boulders  and  bricks,  illustrates 
the  perfecting  effects  of  long  practice  and  the  excellence 
of  their  physique. 

Close  by  Saranath  is  a  large  artificial  mound,  on 
the  top  of  which  is  perched  a  curious  pepper-box  con- 
struction apparently  of  great  antiquity,  as  the  bricks 
that  have  fallen  from  it  are  thickly  strewn  over  the 
sides  of  the  mound.  As  we  were  driving  by,  a  pariah 
puppy  was  alarmed  from  its  siesta  by  our  sudden  ap- 
proach and  fled  up  the  mound.  Running  over  the  bricks 
was  difficult  work,  so,  instinctively  reverting  to  the  habits 
of  its  wild-dog  ancestry,  it  suddenly  squatted  down  and 
as  suddenly  seemed  to  have  disappeared  !  Whether 
by  accident  or  from  inherited  instinct,  it  had  selected  a 
spot  that  exactly  matched  in  tints  its  own  colouring. 
More  than  this,  it  crouched  down  with  its  head  so  neatly 
fitted  between  two  brick  fragments,  the  body  flattened 
miraculously  along  the  ground,  and  the  thigh-bones 
protruding  so  angularly,  as  to  defy  the  sharpest  eyes. 
I  stopped  the  carriage,  and  neither  my  wife  nor  the 
coachman  could  see  it,  though  the  dog  was  only 
twenty  yards  off  and  the  largest  cover  bits  of  brick — 
and  in  the  olden  days  of  Buddhism  bricks  were  only  an 
inch  thick. 

This  reminds  me  of  an  adventure  that  befell  me  in  my 
first  jungle  experience.  I  had  gone  to  a  friend's  camp 


Sight-seeing.  105 

in  the  Kirwi  district,  and  one  morning  strolled  up 
a  hill  side  after  a  peacock,  which  had  settled  among 
some  great  boulders  at  the  top.  Arrived  there,  I 
was  clambering  with  great  caution  from  stone  to  stone, 
looking  round  on  every  side  for  the  bird,  when  I  came  to 
a  boulder  too  far  from  the  next  to  step  quietly  over,  and 
with  my  head  turned  to  one  side  had  got  one  leg  over 
the  boulder,  feeling  with  my  foot  for  the  ground.  Not 
being  able  to  reach  it,  I  looked  over  to  see  how  deep  the 
drop  was,  and  saw  that  my  foot  was  only  about  an  inch 
from  the  ground.  The  ground!  It  was  a  leopard !  And 
the  next  instant  he  was  out  like  a  flash  and  down  the  hill 
side.  One  of  my  friends'  coolies  who  had  come  up  at 
the  moment  declares  the  beast  ran  over  him.  At  any 
rate  the  coolie  was  lying  on  the  ground,  but  I  fancy 
"  astonishment "  had  a  good  deal  to  do  with  his  attitude. 
However,  this  is  not  Benares.  The  day  was  so 
thoroughly  cool  that  instead  of  going  home,  we  drove 
to  the  city  to  enjoy  the  sunset  from  the  minarets. 
A  short  way  from  it  we  halted,  while  a  servant  went  to 
hire  a  tonjon,  and  a  crowd  at  once  collected  to  stare  at 
us.  Such  a  collection  !  Spectral  faquirs,  all  yellow 
ochre  and  rosary,  stalwart  men  carrying  an  empty  lotah 
and  a  yard  of  string,  weak  old  women  staggering  under 
great  baskets  laden  with  melons  and  strange  things  of 
the  cucumber  kind,  boys  in  all  stages  of  spleen  and  not 
enough  cloth  for  one  shirt  among  them  all — they  all 
stopped  to  look  at  us.  And  while  we  were  waiting  we 


io6  Under  the  Punkah. 

bought  some  of  those  copper  cylinders  in  which  the 
poorer  people  wear  their  charms,  horoscopes,  or  any 
taltsmanic  paper  they  possess,  and  some  of  the  little 
flasks  in  which  the  economically  pious  carry  oil  to  the 
shrines.  They  would  hold  about  a  salt-spoonful  each, 
but  the  mouth  requires  a  cork  half  an  inch  long — the 
most  pleasing  combination  of  economy  and  ostentation 
I  have  met  with  even  among  the  very  economical  wor- 
shippers of  Benares.  I  can  fancy  Bisheshwar's  priests 
must  often  have  cause  for  lamentation,  for  flowers  and 
water,  though  they  may  testify  devotion,  do  not  fill 
priestly  stomachs. 

It  is  a  wonderful  walk  that,  through  the  Benares  bye- 
ways.  Sanctity,  it  is  well  known,  is  odorous,  but  here,  so 
solid  is  the  holiness  held  in  solution  in  the  air,  that  it 
precipitates  plentifully  on  the  ground,  and  you  walk  over 
a  thick  and  ill-savoured  paste  of  Ganges  water  and 
votive  flowers.  Arriving  at  Aurungzebe's  great  mosque, 
we  climbed  one  of  the  minarets.  Surely  one  of  the  most 
wonderful  sights  in  the  whole  world  is  the  view  from 
the  top.  On  three  sides  lies  the  great  city,  a  wilderness 
of  flat-roofed  houses  of  many  storeys,  and  for  every  two 
houses  there  is  a  temple.  The  prospect  absolutely  bristles 
with  temple  tops,  and  of  all  colours,  most  of  them  ma- 
roon, some  white,  but  others  tipped  with  scarlet  and 
gold,  one  all  gilt,  and  one  sky  blue.  Thickly  scattered 
among  the  buildings  are  peepul  trees,  of  an  exquisite 
green,  and  between  tree  and  temple,  flocks  of  parrots  and 


Sight-seeing.  107 

pigeons  are  all  day  long  in  restless  motion ;  and  all  day 
long,  from  the  sacred  courts,  goes  up  to  Brahm  a  perpetual 
incense  of  ringing  bells  and  reverend  invocation.  I  do 
not  think  we  are  likely  in  our  travels  to  enjoy  such  a 
sight  again. 

From  the  great  mosque  we  went  to  the  Brass  Bazaar, 
and  here  the  heathen  spoiled  us.  Besides  the  ordinary 
Benares  brass  work — which,  by  the  way,  is  now  so  fashion- 
able in  England  that  the  Benares  trade  has  increased 
since  the  Prince  of  Wales'  visit,  to  six  times  its  former 
dimensions  ;  for  one  worker  in  brass  in  1870,  there  are, 
so  our  courteous  guide,  the  Rao  Sahib,  told  me,  ten  now — 
there  are  wondrous  odds  and  ends  to  be  picked  up. 
Among  many  others  we  got,  for  instance,  a  curious 
swinging  tray  suspended  by  a  snake-chain  from  an  oc- 
tagonal arch,  ornamented  at  each  point  with  a  monster's 
head,  like  the  gurgoyles  on  a  minster  wall,  and-a  peacock 
with  its  tail  spread  :  a  bell  with,  on  the  top  of  the  handle,  a 
curious  figure,  in  the  attitude  of  prayer,  a  combination  of  a 
winged  Ninevite  creature,  and  one  of  Flaxman's  harpies, 
intended  no  doubt  for  the  Vulture  King  Garuda,  the  hair 
curled  in  regular  layers  of  ringlets  down  to  its  waist,  and 
great  wings  springing  from  the  shoulder,  and  coming 
down  below  the  feet.  The  feet  are  human,  but  behind  is 
a  bird's  tail,  spread  fan-wise.  Other  treasures  were  a  brass 
cobra  (Nepalese  work),  particularly  well  moulded,  and 
the  attitude  instinct  with  malignant  life ;  a  vase  about 
four  inches  high,  with  a  double  handle,  and  removable 


io8  Under  the  PnnkaJi. 

top,  the  handles  being  two  female  figures,  whose  feet  lose 
themselves  in  a  plait,  which  again  fines  down  into  the 
pattern  of  the  body  of  the  vase  in  a  most  artistic  way. 
The  ornamentation  of  this  small  object  is  particularly  good; 
leaves,  flowers,  and  arabesque,  forming  a  setting  on  either 
side  for  a  medallion  on  which,  in  bas-relief,  is  represented 
a  dragon  fighting  with  two  men — the  design  throughout 
being  singularly  artistic  and  the  workmanship  very  good. 
I  need  not  mention  others  now,  but  it  is  worth  noticing  that 
the  shop-owners  do  not  put  these  curiosities  prominently 
forward.  They  are  to  be  hunted  for  on  the  remotest 
corners  of  the  back  shelves.  In  front  is  always  placed 
the  glittering  and  rather  frivolous  ware  that  now  finds  such 
a  ready  sale  in  London  as  "  Indian  art,"  but  the  real 
treasures  have  to  be  extorted  only  by  searching.  And 
from  the  haphazard  in  which  their  prices  are  named  it 
is  evident  that  the  idea  of  selling  these  things  to  a  Euro- 
pean had  never  been  entertained.  For  instance,  rum- 
maging in  one  shop,  I  chanced  upon  a  tiny  attar-dan  most 
quaintly  carved,  with  four  peacocks  at  the  corners,  and  a 
larger  bird  in  the  middle.  The  owner  asked  two  rupees  for 
it,  but  accepted,  laughingly,  eight  annas.  This  curiosity- 
hunting  proved  so  fascinating,  that  we  spent  the  rest  of  the 
day  in  the  brass  bazaar  and  its  precincts,  accumulating  in 
our  rummaging  a  quantity  of  delightful  impossibilities. 

Next  morning  we  saw  Benares  "from  the  river" — that 
wonderful  sight  of  a  city  at  its  bath  and  prayers.  What 
a  happy  lazy  life  it  seems  that  of  the  river-side  priests  ;  and 


Sight-seeing,  109 

how  lightly,  their  devotions  once  over,  the  sacredness  of 
the  place  sits  on  the  people  !  Two  pariah  dogs,  chasing 
a  bandicoot  along  a  ghat  crowded  with  the  undressed 
pious,  converted  the  whole  congregation  into  merry- 
makers ;  and  while  one  woman  was  mumbling  her 
prayers  over  a  palmful  of  water,  another  came  up  quietly 
from  behind,  and  "  ducked "  her.  What  the  native 
has  to  do  he  does,  let  the  time  or  place  be,  to  our 
notions,  never  so  unsuitable.  Going  down  the  river, 
therefore,  you  must  be  prepared  to  see  that  simple  child 
of  Nature,  the  mild  Hindoo,  going  through  in  public 
with  his  preparations  for  the  day,  with  a  thoroughness 
and  unbashfulness  that  might  otherwise  surprise  you. 

On  leaving  the  boat,  we  went  of  course  to  the  Golden 
Temple — a  spot  of  such  surpassing  sanctity  that  it  is  im- 
possible, with  any  knowledge  of  its  traditions,  to  enter 
it  without  "  emotions."  From  there  to  the  Gyanbapi 
well.  This  is  an  interesting  historical  spot,  as  having 
given  rise  in  1809,  to  a  riot  that,  but  for  the  sagacity  of 
Mr.  Bird,  then  officiating  as  "  active  magistrate,"  would 
almost  certainly  have  culminated  in  a  total  massacre  of 
the  Mahommedans  of  Benares.1  The  Mahommedans 
wantonly  outraged  the  temple,  whereupon  the  Hindoos 

1  This  story,  curiously  enough,  is  probably  known  in  its  authentic 
entirety  only  to  myself,  for  when  editing  the  Benares  Records  for  the 
Government  of  the  N.  W.  P.,  I  chanced  upon  it.  The  present 
Lieut.-Governor  of  the  province,  however,  cannot  afford  to  print 
the  second  volume  of  my  Records,  his  expenditure  on  Government 
House  being  somewhat  heavy. 


1 1  o  Under  the  Punkah. 

retaliated  by  defiling  the  mosques  which  stand  actually 
within  the  same  walls  as  the  temple.  The  Mahom- 
medans  upon  this  wrecked  the  Hindoo  premises,  overthrew 
the  great  "  lath  of  Bhairo,"  and  denied  the  fragments. 
This  lath  was,  perhaps,  the  most  sacred  object  in  Benares, 
and  the  frenzy  of  the  Hindoos  may  therefore  be  imagined. 
All  nightlong  the  city  was  as  busy  as  at  noon,  for  in  every 
bazaar  or  alley  the  oath  was  being  administered  by  the 
goshains  to  their  co-religionists  to  take  revenge.  Early 
next  day,  therefore,  the  Rajputs  turned  out,  wrecked  the 
mosque,  and  killed  every  Mahommedan  found  in  the  place 
— beginning  with  the  weavers.  The  Mahommedans, 
meanwhile,  had  entertained  the  insane  idea  of  outraging 
the  Besheshwar  temple.  Had  this  supreme  sacrilege 
been  committed,  not  a  Mahommedan  would  have  been 
alive  in  Benares  the  next  day.  As  it  was,  the  two  armies 
(for  there  were  thousands  of  armed  men  on  either  side) 
met,  and  after  a  sharp  conflict — a  hundred  and  eighty 
men  were  afterwards  found  on  the  spot  dead — the  Ma- 
hommedans fled.  The  Rajputs  then  carried  fire  and 
sword  into  the  city,  and  before  our  regular  troops  could 
fairly  occupy  it,  so  much  had  been  done,  that  some  fifty 
mosques  were  in  flames,and  a  hundred  and  odd  more  dead 
bodies  were  collected  from  the  streets.  Order  was,  how- 
ever, restored  at  last,  and  at  this  day  the  Mahommedans 
and  Hindoos  mix  in  worship  as  peacefully  as  ever.  The 
existence,  however,  of  the  two  religions  in  such  close 
proximity  is  a  standing  menace  to  the  peace  of  the  city; 


SigJit-seeing.  1 1 1 

for  one  mischievous  man  of  either  creed  could,  by  a 
single  act,  fill  the  sacred  precincts  with  slaughter,  and  in 
the  narrow  alleys  of  Benares  our  troops  would  take  a 
considerable  time  in  doing  any  service. 

We  loitered  about  these  temples — supposed  by  mil- 
lions of  our  fellow-subjects  to  be  the  actual  abode  in  the 
flesh  of  the  gods  whom  they  worship — as  long  as  we 
thought  we  could  without  offending  the  priests  by  seeming 
idly  curious,  and  then  wandered  off  to  the  Monkey 
Temple.  The  creatures  there  are  so  over-fed  that  they 
played  with  the  grain  that  we  gave  them,  threw  it  about, 
sat  on  it,  made  faces  at  it — but  would  not  eat  it.  There 
is  one  gigantic  fellow,  known  to  the  temple  people  as 
"  the  lord  of  all,"  who  behaved  as  a  very  autocrat,  for  he 
sat  at  the  narrow  entrance  to  the  temple  courtyard,  and 
pulled  every  goat's  leg  that  passed,  cuffed  the  dogs,  and 
when  he  saw  another  monkey  going  to  eat,  knocked  the 
food  from  its  hand.  And  when  he  lay  down,  the  nearest 
monkey  obsequiously  proceeded  to  scratch  his  stomach. 
I  think,  if  I  were  a  monkey,  I  would  rather  be  that  one 
than  the  freest  of  free  simians  in  any  Brazilian  forest — 
and  yet  it  is  difficult  to  imagine  happiness  more  complete 
than  that  of  a  Brazilian  monkey  in  a  primeval  forest. 

From  the  monkey  temple  we  went  back  to  the 
bazaars,  and  wandered  about  till  sundown ;  becoming 
possessed  in  our  rambles  of  another  load  of  useless- 
ness.  Among  the  assortment  was  another  collection  of 
devotional  oil-bottles,  differing  from  the  others  in  being 


1 1 2  Under  the  Punkah. 

even  more  cheaply  devout.  Imagine  a  bottle  about  the 
size  of  a  cherry,  having  at  the  bottom  a  pimple  as  large 
as  three  cherry-stones.  The  containing  capacity  of  that 
bottle  must  therefore  be  something  less  than  the  space 
between  the  skin  and  the  stone  of  a  cherry  !  Of  course 
we  bought  a  collection  of  gods — Hanuman  wielding  his 
ferocious  mace,  and  Bhairo  with  his  baton  of  office. 
Bhairo  is  the  superintendent  of  the  divine  police  of  the 
city,  Bisheshwar  himself  being  too  busy  with  other 
things  to  attend  to  police  matters,  and  Bhairo,  being  in 
his  turn  also  too  busy,  relegates  his  duties  to  his  baton, 
and  so  this  intelligent  cudgel  goes  the  rounds  of  Benares 
by  itself  and  inflicts  summary  justice  upon  all  breakers 
of  the  law.  We  found,  too,  Krishna  fluting  on  an  invisible 
flute  to  invisible  milk-maids ;  Bala  crawling  on  all  fours  ; 
Lakshmi  on  her  lotus  ;  Ganesh,  the  paunchy  god  of  the 
wily  shop-keeping  banniah,  with  the  head  of  the  sagacious 
elephant,  and  his  feet  resting  on  a  rat,  emblem  of  cheese- 
paring thrift  and  small  cunning. 

We  left  Benares  at  last,  and  very  sorry  we  were  to  go ; 
for  there  is  a  world  of  marvels  in  its  labyrinth  of  lanes. 

*** 

A  crime  peculiar  to  this  season  of  the  year  was  ram- 
pant all  along  the  line  of  the  Oudh  and  Rohilcund 
railway — the  selling  of  bad  melons.  We  ourselves, 
tempted  by  the  appearance  of  the  fruit,  bought  about  a 
dozen,  both  musk  and  water-melons.  But  not  one  was 
fit  to  eat.  They  smelt  divinely,  but  were  all  either  over- 


Sight-seeing.  \  1 3 

ripe  or  green.  And  yet  the  native  passengers  ate 
them  readily,  for  they  were  only  about  a  penny  a-piece. 
No  wonder  these  unfortunates  die  in  the  way  they  do  at 
the  least  hint  of  sickness. 

I  know  of  nothing  in  human  history  more  pathetic 
than  this  readiness  of  the  natives  of  India  to  succumb 
to  disease.  Sudden  death  seems  to  be  accepted  by 
them  as  a  natural  development  of  an  illness ;  as  a 
regular  stage,  and  the  final  one,  of  an  ailment.  They 
inherit  sudden  death.  In  the  West,  if  a  man  dies  un- 
expectedly and,  apparently,  from  insufficient  cause,  we 
inquire  if  there  was  anything  against  the  deceased — an 
irregular  habit  of  life,  or  a  tendency  to  drink,  or  persis- 
tent carelessness  of  his  health.  In  India  death  for  in- 
adequate reasons  carries  no  problem  with  it.  It  never 
occurs  to  any  one  to  wonder  why  he  died,  for  everybody 
knows  already  that  it  was  because  he  never  had  enough 
to  eat,  and  because  his  ancestors  before  him,  through 
many  generations,  lived  and  died  half-starved.  This  is 
what  kills  off  the  natives  of  India  in  such  piteous  numbers 
and  with  such  piteous  ease.  They  die  simply  because 
they  are  not  fit  to  live.  At  the  best  of  times  and  as  a 
regular  thing,  many  thousands  of  Indian  peasants  wear 
their  waist-bands  tightened  to  the  utmost,  so  as  to  relieve 
the  pains  of  hunger,  and  between  them  and  actual  famine 
there  intervenes  only  the  daily  handful  of  parched  grain. 
When  ordinary  sickness,  therefore,  finds  out  such  as 
these,  the  poor  half-starved  creatures  go  down  before 

i 


1 1 4  Under  the  Punkah. 

the  scythe  in  swathes,  and  when  famine — such  as  I  saw 
it  in  Madras  in  1877 — unmitigated  and  relentless  famine 
overtakes  them  they  die  by  villages,  and  districts  are 
desolated. 

We,  in  the  West,  can  hardly  understand,  therefore, 
what  it  means  that  "  rain  has  fallen  in  India,"  and  it  may 
seem  at  first  sight — so  wide  is  the  world  and  so  far  apart 
the  interests  of  races — a  strange  thing  that  a  fall  of  rain 
should  be  magnified  by  such  language  as  is  often  used. 
And  yet  in  a  year  of  threatened  famine  it  is  not  easy  to 
find  in  history  a  greater  blessing  than  the  sudden  relief 
of  a  shower.  Those  who  best  know  the  land  so  sorely 
athirst;  who  remember  the  dreary,  leafless  months, 
when,  scathed  by  hot  winds,  the  country-side  lies  bare 
and  brown  under  a  sky  of  relentless  blue,  and  who  have 
had  experience,  too,  of  that  first  day  of  gathering  clouds, 
when  the  whole  face  of  nature  betokens  a  welcome  to 
the  coming  rain;  when,  almost  in  a  single  night,  the 
heat-cracked  plains  clothe  themselves  with  grass,  the 
fainting  trees  are  lit  up  with  the  brightness  of  young 
leaves,  and  the  world  awakens  on  the  morrow  to  a 
surprise  of  fertility — these  can  best  picture  to  themselves 
the  true  spectacle  of  the  change  that  transfigures  the 
face  of  India,  when  the  clouds  burst  upon  the  empty 
fields.  During  the  months  of  July,  August,  September, 
and  October,  which,  in  other  and  more  kindly  seasons, 
are  rich  with  springing  vegetation  and  glad  with  '  the 
grace  of  standing  corn,'  India  lay  in  1877  wasting  under 


Sight-seeing.  115 

a  remorseless  sun,  a  great  length  of  deadly  days,  while 
the  ploughs  stood  idle  under  the  old  peepul-tree  in  the 
centre  of  the  village,  and  the  men  gathered  gloomily 
about  the  headman's  house,  and  sadly  along  the  dusty 
highways  went  the  tinkling  feet  of  the  women  sent  forth 
to  the  shrine  by  the  river  to  supplicate  the  Goddess  of 
Rain.  Day  by  day  the  peasant  doled  out  for  the  present 
meal  the  precious  store  put  by  for  sowing  his  fields  for 
the  next  year's  harvest ;  day  by  day  the  women  going 
to  the  v.'ell  found  their  ropes  yet  another  inch  too  short 
for  the  bucket  to  dip  in  the  shrinking  water.  The  cattle, 
long  ago  turned  loose  to  find  their  food  where  they 
could,  had  given  up  the  vain  search  in  the  fields,  and 
lingered  about  the  village,  snuffing  at  the  empty  troughs 
and  lowing  impatiently  for  the  evening  meal  of  bitter 
leaves  which  the  lads  were  beating  down  from  the  trees 
in  the  jungle.  And  then  there  came  over  many  a  sad 
village  in  Madras  a  day  when  the  bucket  brought  up 
no  water  from  the  well,  when  the  grain  bag  was  empty, 
and  the  cattle  dead.  Famine,  stealthy  and  pitiless, 
prowled  from  village  to  village.  Along  the  raised  path- 
ways between  the  empty  fields  the  sad  procession  of 
mourners  filed  all  day  bearing  to  the  river-side  the  bodies 
of  the  dead.  Yet  still  the  sun  flamed  ruthless  in  the 
sky.  The  villages  gradually  emptied  of  men  ;  some  had 
perished,  while  the  rest  had  fled  from  their  homes.  To 
stay  and  hope  was  to  die.  At  last  came  this  rain.  It 
did  not  bring  food,  but  it  brought  the  assurances  of 

1      2 


1 1 6  Under  the  PunkaJi. 

future  harvests,  and  set  the  poor  souls  to  work  and 
hope.  Even  food  would  grow  cheaper  and  be  more 
freely  obtained  as  those  precious  drops  pattered;  for 
the  rain  came  at  the  right  time.  Just  when  further 
hope  seemed  useless,  when  from  the  Indus  all  along  the 
Ganges  valley  to  the  Bay,  from  Oudh,  "  the  garden  of 
India,"  and  the  principalities  of  the  Rajput  and  the 
Mahratta,  from  the  wild  fastnesses  of  Sindh  to  the 
palm-fringed  shores  of  the  Eastern  coast,  the  danger 
of  a  second  year  of  drought  was  gathering  force — 
just  when  it  seemed  inevitable  that  half  India  must  be 
involved  in  the  disasters  of  Madras,  the  rain-clouds 
hurried  up  in  a  night,  and  the  peninsula  awoke  from 
despair. 

The  hot  weather  season  had  that  year  been  in  the 
beginning  unusually  mild ;  but  May  brought  one  of 
those  spells  of  furnace-like  heat  which  even  residents  in 
the  plains  of  India  rarely  experience.  The  west  wind 
had  lost  its  last  vestige  of  coolness,  and  day  by  day, 
night  by  night,  it  increased  in  fervour,  until  by  the  end 
of  the  month  it  was  a  sirocco,  a  scathing  blast,  choking 
and  suffocating  all  existing  things.  The  leaves  were 
seen  to  wither  off  the  boughs,  birds  dropped  exhausted 
from  the  trees,  and  the  absolute  desolation  of  the  Indian 
"  hot  weather  "  possessed  the  land.  In  the  sky  a  fierce 
sun  flamed  all  throughout  the  day,  with  a  fury  intolerable 
to  animal  life.  At  noon  hardly  a  living  creature  would 
go  abroad.  The  dogs  lay  gasping  under  the  walls,  and 


SigJit- seeing.  117 

by  the  road -sides  the  crows  sat  helpless,  with  beaks 
agape. 

June  succeeded  to  an  awful  legacy.  The  soil  was 
saturated  with  heat,  seamed  with  cracks,  the  trees, 
exhausted  by  the  long  struggle,  surrendered  at  last  to 
the  pitiless  sun,  while  the  less  hardy  shrubs  and  the 
wild  growths  of  bank  and  field  were  dead  long  ago. 
Looking  at  the  landscape,  it  seemed  impossible  that 
even  the  germs  of  any  fresh  life  could  have  escaped. 

With  July,  however,  should  have  come  relief.  But 
this  year  it  was  not  to  be.  Clouds,  laden  with  promise, 
gathered,  and  banked  themselves  against  the  horizon. 
Men  looked  to  their  ploughs,  the  oriole  began  to  build 
her  pendulous  nest,  and  the  deer  stole  out  from  their 
coverts  in  the  early  dawn  to  see  if  by  chance  any  young 
shoots  were  yet  above  the  ground.  Still  the  clouds  only 
mocked  the  land  with  a  drop  or  two  when  a  deluge 
was  needed,  and  July  wore  on  to  the  end. 

So  August,  when  the  fields  should  have  been  ankle- 
deep  in  green  corn,  found  the  land  a  desert  and 
its  pleasant  places  untenanted.  By  the  dried-up  lake 
the  egret  and  the  crane  had  lingered  awhile,  but,  de- 
spairing of  rain,  had  gone,  leaving  their  young  broods, 
that  should  now  have  been  finding  their  food  in  the 
softened  ground,  to  die  of  hunger.  Among  the  withered 
sedges  the  Indian  coot  had  abandoned  her  nest  of  eggs, 
and  in  the  tangle  of  dry  water-weeds  beyond  the  bittern's 
young  might  be  found  lying  dead.  Hushed,  too,  was 


1 1 8  Under  the  Punkah. 

the  noise  of  running  water,  and  no  longer  was  the  black 
and  white  kingfisher  seen  hanging  in  the  air,  or  his 
congener  the  emerald  halcyon,  darting,  in  a  flash  of 
many  hues,  from  pool  to  pool.  All  the  feathered  lyrists 
of  the  gardens  had  departed,  the  warbler  tribe  that,  with 
their  curious  notes,  make  the  Indian  spring  glad,  or 
brighten  the  deep  foliage  with  their  gorgeous  colours. 

Then  September,  another  month  of  deadly  heat. 
The  deep  pools  dried,  the  beasts  of  the  jungle,  coming 
down  at  night  to  drink,  found  no  water,  and,  urged 
by  thirst,  prowled  audaciously  round  the  villages.  There 
was  no  need,  however,  for  them  to  fear  man  now. 
The  villages  were  in  many  places  empty.  By  the  well- 
side  could  be  seen  the  skeleton  of  a  buffalo,  on  the 
temple  steps  the  bones  of  a  dog,  and  under  the  meeting- 
tree,  in  the  midst  of  the  hamlet,  a  pile  of  household 
chattels,  too  heavy  for  the  enfeebled  villagers  to  carry 
away  with  them  when  they  fled  from  their  desolated 
homes  to  the  distant  centre  where  the  Englishmen  lived 
and  where  they  were  sure  of  food.  And  as  the  sad 
processions  wound  along  the  dusty,  dreary  roads,  shelter- 
less and  the  very  ground  glistening  and  flickering  with 
the  heat,  the  people  might  have  thought  their  gods  had 
indeed  deserted  them.  But  the  patience  of  the  Eastern 
under  suffering,  whether  due  to  fatalism  or  not,  is  very 
pathetic,  and  not  a  shrine  would  be  passed  upon  the 
painful  route,  that  did  not  receive  from  each  his  uncom- 
plaining reverence. 


Siglit-seeing.  1 1 9 

So  the  days  wore  on  to  October.  The  sowing  of  seed 
for  next  year's  food  now  seemed  hopeless,  and  another 
year  of  famine  inevitable ;  but  the  people  did  not  repine. 
They  waited  patiently  and  pathetically,  closing  in  round 
the  famine  works  and  doing  their  day's  labour  for  a  day's 
food,  enduring  "  the  evil  times  "  without  hope,  but  with- 
out murmur.  Indeed,  hope  looked  like  folly.  The 
news  came  from  every  side  that  crops  had  failed.  The 
horizon  of  disaster  seemed  expanding  every  day.  Even 
the  stout  heart  of  the  English  official  began  to  fail  him, 
and  he  spoke  dismally  of  the  future.  The  sky  was  still 
unflecked  with  clouds,  and  a  great  multitude  was  dying 
at  his  gates.  Then  suddenly  at  last,  when  it  seemed 
almost  too  late,  Nature  relented. 

A  shadow  of  clouds  had  grown  up — on  the  horizon,  the 
great  rain-wind  blew,  driving  a  tempest  of  dust  before  it, 
whirling  the  dead  leaves  from  the  trees,  and  signaling 
that  help  was  coming.  The  birds  could  be  seen  gathering 
in  the  sky,  and  the  cattle  turned  their  heads  to  the 
wind,  for  they  could  scent  the  approaching  showers. 
There  would  be  a  strange  gloom  while  the  dust  storm  was 
passing,  and  the  people  would  throng  gazing  at  the  clouds 
or  waiting  for  the  rain  that  they  knew  was  close  behind. 
The  streets  would  be  filled  with  men  and  women,  and  all 
hands  would  be  idle  and  all  tongues  silent.  And  then  lo  ! 
the  rain.  First  great  sullen  drops  pattering  one  by  one, 
and  then,  as  if  it  could  not  come  down  fast  enough  or 
thick  enough,  the  torrent  descended — not  a  mocking 


1 20  Under  tJie  PunkaJt. 

shower,  but  a  glorious  life-saving  deluge,  brimming  the 
tanks  to  overflowing,  and  sending  the  dead  weeds  swirling 
down  the  nullahs.  In  instant  response  the  earth  broke 
out  into  life.  From  forest  and  hill  the  familiar  cries  of 
Nature  were  again  heard,  the  crane  trumpeting  to  his 
mate  as  he  stalks  among  the  waving  edges,  the  cry  of  cur- 
lew and  plover  wheeling  above  the  meres,  the  clamour  of 
wild  fowl  settling  upon  the  waters,  the  barking  of  the  fox 
from  the  nullahs.  The  antelope  found  out  their  old 
haunts,  and  from  the  villages  the  hyena  and  jackal 
skulked  away  to  ravine  and  cave.  Men  and  women 
came  straggling  back  to  their  villages ;  ploughs  were 
dragged  afield ;  and,  where  a  week  ago  was  hopelessness 
and  desolation,  the  only  sounds  of  living  things,  the  cries 
of  beasts  and  birds  quarrelling  over  the  corpses,  there 
awoke  a  glad  renewal  of  busy  peasant  life. 

The  "  Children  of  the  Famine  "  were  numerous  in  the 
land ;  little  ones  without  kith  or  kin,  whose  lives  had  per- 
haps been  saved  by  wonderful  sacrifices  of  affection,  only 
to  depend  henceforth  upon  the  pity  of  strangers.  These 
sad  waifs  and  strays  of  the  Drought  who  appealed  to 
England  for  help  were  the  offspring  of  a  people  remark- 
able among  all  others  for  the  exercise  of  charity.  Their 
parents,  living,  never  sent  the  beggar  from  their  door  with- 
out some  little  dole  of  corn  or  oil.  Yet,  even  in  the  pros- 
perous days,  when  the  village  was  doing  well,  when  the 
bullocks  went  early  afield,  and  the  carts  came  laden  home 
at  sunset,  there  was  not  much  gladness  for  these  small 


SigJit-seeing .  121 

pagans.  The  wandering  minstrel,  confident  of  welcome, 
would  indeed  come  with  his  sitar  and  store  of  ballads,  and 
under  the  tree  in  the  village  square  the  fire  would  be  lit 
and  the  social  hubble-bubble  pass  round,  while  the 
women,  half-concealed,  listened  from  the  doorways  to  the 
song  of  SITA'S  rescue  from  the  demon-king  of  Lanka,  or 
of  the  summer  days  when  God-KniSHNA  sported  by 
Kavery's  stream.  The  children,  tumbling  with  the 
puppies  in  the  firelight,  had  their  share  of  such  small  joys 
as  this.  They  were  happy  most  of  their  time,  just  as  the 
squirrel  chirping  in  the  tree  above  them  might  be  happy. 
Yet  they  had  few  of  the  pleasures  of  child-life  elsewhere. 
The  infant  of  the  Indian  peasant  enjoys  but  a  simple  exis- 
tence, for  the  surroundings  of  his  little  world  are  fixed,  and 
the  minds  that  guide  him  are  ignorant  and  superstitious. 
He  finds  life  serious  from  the  very  first,  and  even  baby- 
hood is  a  solemn  period.  To  English  children  a  wood, 
a  meadow,  or  a  lane,  spangled  with  wild  flowers  and  gay 
with  sunlit  wings,  furnishes  a  wonder-land  of  pretty  and 
living  playthings,  abounding  in  delightful  possibilities  of 
nest  and  flower  and  rural  excitement.  But  of  these  joys 
the  Indian  villager's  children  know  little.  They  do  not 
even  learn  the  names  of  the  birds  and  flowers  and  insects 
about  them.  Their  fathers  have  never  felt  curious  about 
such  things,  and  so  there  is  no  one  to  take  the  child 
out  into  the  world  of  nature,  to  show  him  its  miracles,  the 
tragedies  and  comedies  of  animal  life,  the  wonders  that 
lurk  in  the  grass,  that  flit  through  the  air,  or  abound  in  the 


122  Under  the  Punkah. 

stream.  In  this  wall  of  ignorance  the  Hindoo  poets,  it  is 
true,  have  here  and  there  pierced  a  window,  but  only  to 
drape  a  quaint  or  weird  fancy  over  it — that  the  asoca 
blooms  when  touched  by  a  Brahmin  girl's  foot,  that  the 
tamarind  is  bedevilled,  that  the  mango  tips  the  love-god's 
surest  shaft,  that  the  kalpa  grants  every  wish,  that  the 
partridge  feeds  on  moonbeams,  and  so  on.  Awed  rather 
than  amused  by  these  tales,  the  little  ones  in  Indian  vil- 
lages are  proportionally  "old-fashioned."  They  are  an 
odd  folk,  with  their  pretty  winning  ways,  strangely  gentle 
in  their  manner  to  each  other,  and  very  docile  to  authority. 
Accustomed  to  be  pleased  with  so  little,  they  find  a  quiet 
enjoyment  in  the  merest  trifles,  and  their  grave  dark  eyes 
will  brim  with  laughter  at  the  faintest  hint  or  suggestion 
of  mirthfulness  in  their  surroundings.  But  the  poverty 
of  their  home  denies  them  the  changes  of  scene,  and  the 
succession  of  playthings,  that  brighten  other  children's 
lives ;  their  creed  and  customs  bar  them  from  much  or 
varied  companionship,  while  a  heritage  of  superstitious 
ignorance  seals  to  them  the  greater  part  of  the  pleasures 
of  living  in  their  beautiful  country. 

Thus  the  days  pass  with  the  Hindoo  child,  playing  with 
the  dust  when  not  asleep  in  it,  and  listening  to  ancient 
fictions.  His  mother  believes  them  all  implicitly — "  Igno- 
rance," says  a  Tamil  proverb, "  is  an  ornament  to  women  " 
— so  the  child  grows  up  believing  them  too.  Not  that 
our  small  brown  urchin  is  neglected  even  at  ordinary 
times.  His  mother  has  all  a  mother's  instincts,  and  loves 


Siglit-seeing.  123 

him  dearly.     His  eyes  blackened  with  antimony  to  keep 
off  ophthalmia  and  to  look  beautiful,  his  finger-tips  tinged 
with  henna  to  preserve  the  nails,  the  copper  locket  round 
his  neck  to  warn  off  the  evil  ones — all  attest  her  love. 
His  father,  too,  sets  great  store  by  his  boy,  for  until  the 
child  was  born  he  was  not  certain,  so  the  priest  said,  of 
happiness  in  the  life  to  come,  for  he  had  no  one  to  lead 
his  soul  by  the  hand  to  the  land  of  the  dead.     The  lad  is 
his  passport  to  better  existence  hereafter,  and  to  his  son 
alone  must  he  look  for  the  due  performance  of  the  funeral 
obsequies — those  mystic  rites  without  which  in  a  future 
state  he  might  sink  to  a  lower  grade  of  creation,  and  be 
born  again,  perhaps,  as  a  jackal  or  an  owl.     And  when 
the  annual  fair  comes  round  the  children  are  the  first 
objects  of  thought.     To  celebrate  the  return  to  Ayudhia 
of  the  victorious  Rama,  the  country-side  is  all  en  fete  ;  the 
folk  put  on  their  best,  and  the  youngsters  are  not  for- 
gotten.    In  a  coat  of  purple  gauze   all  spangled  with 
golden   thread,   and  a  glistening  tinsel  cap,  one   little 
creature  is  perched  on  his  father's  shoulder,  and  another 
holds  the  finger  disengaged  on  the  hand  that  carries  the 
cocoa-nut  pipe.     Behind  them  shuffle  along  the  women  of 
the  family,  heavily  swathed  in  cloths  of  bright  dyes ;  and 
the  other  children,  tricked  out  in  all  their  gala  glories  of 
bangle,  nose-ring,  and  toe-stud,  go  hand-in-hand,  chatter- 
ing of  all  they  expect  to  see,  and  glad  with  the  hopes  of 
promised  toys.     To  those  connoisseurs  in  early  pleasure, 
the  children  of  the  West,  there  would  not  be  in  an  Indian 


1 24  Under  the  Punkah. 

fair  much  to  tempt,  but  to  the  Hindu  villager's  child  it  is 
the  Carnival  of  the  year,  the  epoch  from  which  all  others 
date,  the  red-letter  day  of  delights  and  sweetmeats.  The 
father  has  borrowed  from  the  money-lender  a  few  pence 
to  spend  "  on  poojah,"  but  they  are  spent  upon  the  chil- 
dren. There  is  enough  for  all  to  have  a  ride  on  the 
elephant  or  camel  in  the  merry-go-round,  to  swing  in  turn 
upon  the  red  and  gold  chariot  slung  between  the  mango- 
trees,  and  to  get  a  seat  under  the  awning  where  the  con- 
jurer squats  to  work  his  wonders  with  snake  and  pigeon 
and  egg.  Something  will  be  left  for  a  visit  to  the  toy- 
seller's  booth,  where  playthings  of  clay  and  paper,  but  to 
the  peasant's  child  possessions  of  surpassing  preciousness, 
are  bought.  By  the  time  that  the  pleasures  of  the  fair 
have  all  been  tasted,  the  toys  chosen,  and  the  sweetmeats 
divided,  the  sun  is  setting,  and  the  weary  little  feet  turn 
homeward.  It  is  an  eventless  life,  this  of  the  peasant's 
child,  but  not  an  unhappy  one,  if  judged  by  its  absence 
of  wants.  By-and-by  he  will  go  to  school,  and  for  so  many 
hours  a  day  will  sit  rocking  on  his  heels,  while  he  intones, 
after  his  Brahmin  preceptor,  the  rules  for  a  virtuous  life 
and  the  correct  addition  of  a  bunya's  bills;  but  which  were 
which  the  small  pupil  has  never  exactly  distinguished, 
for  deferential  demeanour  towards  the  cow  and  all  his  other 
betters  gets  somehow  confused  by  a  recollection  of  having 
to  carry  one  to  the  next  column,  so  that  when  he  grows 
up  he  will  leave  his  religion  to  the  family  priest,  and  the 
adding  up  of  the  bills  to  the  ruinous  money-lender. 


Sight-seeing.  125 

But  I  must  return  from  this  digression,  for  here  we  are 
at  Lucknow  and  making  our  way,  the  morning  being 
cool,  into  the  bazaars  in  quest  of  curiosities,  chiefly  pot- 
tery very  singularly  tinted  with  shades  of  green,  yellow 
and  brown.2  From  the  bazaar  we  went  to  a  hotel 
— "once  the  King  of  Oudh's  general's  palace,"  as  the 
landlady  was  careful  to  tell  us.  But  if  it  had  been 
called  "  the  king  of  Oudh's  general's  Spider's  palace," 
it  would  have  been  no  less  appropriate.  Such  spiders  I 
defy  any  other  hotel  in  India  to  produce  unaided  from 
its  own  resources.  I  was  literally  afraid  to  go  into  my 
bath-room.  Cobwebs  of  extraordinary  bulk,  dinginess 
and  density,  swayed  from  the  ceiling ;  they  were 
more  like  fishing-nets  than  cobwebs,  and  from  behind 
the  furniture  of  the  room  protruded  inches  of  spiders'  legs, 
that  told  of  bodies  lurking  behind  of  formidable  dimen- 
sions ;  every  movement  in  the  room  was  followed  by  a 
rush  of  some  insect  horror  or  another.  But  the  rooms 
were  delightfully  cool,  albeit  gloomy,  and  as  we  held  a 
levee  of  pottery-makers  all  day,  we  were,  after  our 
fashion,  contented  enough.  These  pottery-men  point 
a  moral ;  and  to  the  eternal  discredit  of  Lucknow 
taste  be  it  said,  that  their  beautiful  art  is  being 

2  One  specimen  (intended  by  the  maker  as  some  portion  of  a 
hubble-bubble,  being  an  elaborate  chilum  with  an  elaborate  top)  is 
worth  special  notice.  It  is  of  delicate  fretted  work,  in  the  same 
curious  shades  of  colour,  about  the  size  of  an  ostrich-egg,  and  stand- 
ing on  a  plate  of  the  same  ware,  makes  an  extremely  effective 
ornament  on  our  English  table — price  threepence. 


1 26  Under  the  Piuikak. 

utterly  ruined.  There  is,  you  must  .know,  a  great 
talent  localized  in  Lucknow  for  moulding  pottery,  and 
at  one  time  very  beautiful  shapes — lotahs,  saroyes, 
ag-dans,  etc.,  used  to  be  a  speciality.  But  some  well- 
meaning  miscreant  has  set  these  simple  folk  copying 
the  Art  Journal,  and  the  results  are  horrors  of  the 
most  awful  kind.  I  obtained,  without  much  trouble,  a 
few  specimens  of  common  work  of  good  shapes,  and  then 
requested  the  production  of  "some  superior  ware." 
The  men  went  off  and  soon  returned  laden  with  the 
triumphs  of  their  art — so  the  miserable  creatures  thought. 
The  first  basket  was  uncovered,  and  oh  !  the  abomina- 
tion of  it !  a  St.  George,  pale  blue,  was  discovered 
killing  a  dragon,  silver  gilt.  I  groaned  aloud.  The  men, 
perceiving  that  I  was  not  gratified,  hastened  to  assure  me 
it  was  thought  excellent  of  its  kind,  and  to  convince  me, 
pulled  out  a  book — a  volume  of  the  Art  Joiirnal — and 
turned  up  the  original.  It  was  the  lid  of  a  presentation 
vase  to  some  regiment  of  English  volunteers  !  The  next 
basket  contained  at  least  twenty  attempts  to  model  in  mud 
the  well-known  "  boy  with  kids,"  and  the  third  basket  "  the 
dying  gladiator  "  (with  elephantiasis  in  his  legs  and  a  dis- 
located hip),  "  a  faun  "  (with  a  dropsical  body  and  an 
infamous  expression  ef  countenance),  and  a  "winged 
Victory."  "  Do  you  ever  sell  these  ?  "  I  asked.  "  Plenty," 
was  the  reply  ;  and  then  the  unhappy  man  produced  his 
station  "  order-book  "  and  "  testimonials."  It  was  dread- 
ful !  Captain  A.  acknowledged  receipt  of  "  two  boys  with 


Sight-seeing.  127 

kids,  and  one  Victory,  very  well  executed."  Mr.  B.  put  his 
signature  to  "  a  pair  of  gladiators,  and  do.  Victories — 
this  man  works  remarkably  well."  Major  C.  "  a  boy  with 
kids,  one  St.  George  killing  the  dragon  (large)  —perfectly 
satisfied  ;"  and  so  on  to  the  end.  The  result  is,  that  the 
Lucknow  men  are  abandoning  their  own  beautiful  work, 
— and  import  the  Azimghur  pottery.  Of  this  I  bought  a 
quantity.  For  ten  rupees  you  can  fill  a  barrel  with  very 
artistic  ware  ;  some  a  rich  brown  ground,  but  the  gene- 
rality black,  with  delicate  silver  tracery.  The  shapes 
are  many  of  them  perfection  itself.3 

At  Lucknow  we  went  through  much  sight-seeing. 
Now  I  have  an  extraordinary  aversion  to  sight-seeing. 
I  do  not  know  why  it  is,  but  when  I  arrive  in  front  of 
a  "  sight  "  I  feel  half-ashamed  of  showing  much  curiosity 
about  it,  and  almost  wish  to  be  mistaken  by  the  resi- 
dents for  a  resident  myself.  If  I  could,  I  would  always 
convey  to  the  populace  the  idea  that  in  the  place  I 
had  just  come  from  we  had  much  finer  sights — Imam- 

3  When  at  home  last  year  I  went  into  several  Anglo-Indian  houses, 
and  I  particularly  noticed  how,  in  their  collections,  they  had  failed 
to  represent,  with  either  taste  or  accuracy,  the  character  of  Eastern 
art.  They  had  plenty  of  English  flower  vases  in  Cashmere  work, 
writing]  sets  of  Bond  Street  pattern  in  Guzerati  steel  and  gold  work- 
boxes  in  carved  Surat  ware,  and  so  on,  all  over  the  room.  But  not 
a  single  specimen  either  of  Benares  brass-work  (not  the  common 
glittering  ware,  but  such  things  as  pandans,  saroyes,  &c.)  or  Azim- 
ghur pottery;  even  the  cloth-work  taken  home,  as  a  rule,  is  as  English 
as  possible.  It  is  a  pity  that  for  a  thing  to  look  "  native  "  should  be, 
for  so  many  English  women  and  men  in  India  an  objection  to  it. 


128  Under  the  Punkah. 

baras  at  least  twice  as  large,  and  mosques  to  which 
theirs  were  but  as  pepper-boxes.  But  it  is  impossible 
to  dissimulate  with  uniform  presence  of  mind,  at  any 
rate  in  premises  with  which  you  are  not  acquainted,  and 
your  new-comer  self  is  soon  betrayed.  For  instance,  we 
were  walking  towards  a  building,  having  dismissed  our 
guide  with  scorn,  and  straightway  proceeded  to  enter  a 
doorway.  The  guide,  who  persisted  in  loafing  behind, 
ventured  upon  a  hint  that  it  led  nowhere,  but  with 
a  withering  glance  I  compelled  his  silence,  and  solemnly 
marshalled  our  party  into  the  entrance  of  my  own 
choosing.  And  lo !  to  my  utter  discomfiture,  it  ended 
about  ten  yards  further  in  a  wall — and  bats  innumerable. 
There  was  nothing  for  it  but  to  return  ignominiously 
to  daylight,  where  the  guide  received  us  with  a  profound 
salaam — and  calmly  resumed  the  lead  I  had  so  igno- 
miniously usurped.  The  rest  of  the  party  submitted 
sensibly  to  be  taught,  but  I  pretended  to  take  my  own 
way  (and  not  seldom  with  disastrous  results  as  to  bats), 
turned  my  back  upon  the  points  specially  commended 
to  notice,  and  carried  on  an  obligate  of  deprecatory 
comparisons.  I  have  all  my  life  been  subject  to  this 
state  of  mind,  and  have  often  tried  to  analyze  it  into 
some  mental  twist,  not  absolutely  contemptible,  but  in 
vain.  Nevertheless  it  is  quite  sincere,  and  extends 
itself  to  others,  so  that,  from  hating  to  be  shown  sights 
myself,  the  spectacle  of  others  being  shown  them  dis- 
satisfies me.  My  impulse  is  to  humiliate  their  guide  and 


Sight-seeing.  1 29 

redeem  the  dignity  of  his  victim.  But  one  good  result 
of  my  own  system  of  sight-seeing  is  that  I  enjoy  them 
after  my  own  fashion  thoroughly,  a  fashion  with  which 
"  instruction  "  and  information  have  little  to  do.  Thus 
at  the  Secundrabagh  I  stayed  by  myself  quite  an 
hour  at  the  place  where  Peel  and  his  merry  men  of  the 
"Shannon  "dropped  over  the  wall;  buf  rather  than  inquire 
whose  tomb  it  was  that  stood  within,  I  remain  ignorant 
of  the  dry  fact  to  this  day.  As  "  sights,"  the  buildings 
of  Lucknow  surprise  by  their  novelty  but  affront  by  their 
imposition.  One  building  alone  commands  respect — the 
great  Imambara.  The  view  from  Aurungzebe's  minaret 
at  Benares  was  the  most  striking  sight  of  all  that  Kashi 
has  to  show — superior  in  my  opinion  even  to  "  the  view 
from  the  river" — but  almost  the  prettiest  we  had  yet 
seen  was  that  from  the  Imambara  at  Lucknow,  where, 
with  the  "  Roomi  darwaza" — the  Turkish  gateway — 
below  you  on  the  right,  you  look  across  the  well- 
wooded  landscape  at  the  exquisite  grouping  of  cupolas 
and  minarets  among  the  trees.  Just  as  in  the  Benares 
view  the  sprinkling  of  peepuls  finely  relieves  the  masonry, 
so  here  the  presence  of  trees  exalts  the  view  from  the  mere 
positive  of  prettiness  to  a  gracious  superlative.  Nothing 
in  Lucknow  gave  me  more  pleasure  than  that  morning's 
dawdling  on  the  roof  of  that  gigantic  hall.  Yet  among 
the  memories  of  a  life  must  always  remain  the  first  view 
of  the  entourage  of  the  Hosseinabad  buildings.  What 
a  profligacy  of  labour  those  pinnacled  and  bedizened 


130  Under  the  Punkah. 

buildings  illustrate  and,  in  detail,  what  an  execrable 
taste.  How  could  such  a  paint-and-plaster  Government 
have  ever  hoped  to  live  ?  Stroll  over  the  Kaiser  Bagh 
and  mark  the  infamous  tawdriness  of  the  surface  of  those 
regal  piles — and  then  see  the  same  in  a  photograph  ! 
The  deception  is  gross  enough  for  tears.  The  impartial 
heliotype  does  not  discern  between  the  yellow  ochre  and 
plaster  of  a  Kaiser  Bagh  and  the  marble  and  cornelian  of 
a  Taj.  And  when  selecting  photographs  for  taking  to 
England,  how  sore  is  the  struggle  between  the  desire  for 
effect  and  honesty  !  The  Shah  Nujf  makes  a  splendid 
picture,  but  who  would  spend  half  a  minute  in  looking 
at  it  in  its  realities  ?  Lucknow,  in  my  opinion,  is  saved 
by  the  sacred  ruins  of  its  Residency  and  by  its  Imambara 
from  being  altogether  tawdry.  About  its  picturesqueness 
there  can  be  no  doubt,  and  its  beauties  of  road  and 
garden  are  many.  But  it  does  not  compel  respect  in 
the  way,  for  instance,  Benares  does.  Even  the  Wingfield 
Park,  with  its  beautifully  undulating  site,  its  clever 
economy  of  space  so  as  to  contain  as  many  roads  with 
as  little  chopping  up  of  the  whole  as  possible,  its  casuarina 
dell,  and  its  plant-house,  is  almost  spoiled  with  statues. 
What  a  lovely  bit  the  plant-house  is  !  All  India,  the 
world  has  sent  its  foliage  gems,  and  the  result  is  a 
most  beautiful  little  exhibition  of  leaves. 

From  the  Wingfield  Park  we  went  to  that  preposterous 
building,  the  Martiniere  College,  "  sometimes  called 
Constantia,"  so  a  book,  the  Lucknow  Album,  tells  us — 


Sight-seeing.  1 3 1 

the  motto  of  the  school  being  Lahore  et  Constantiil.  It 
might  therefore  just  as  appropriately  be  "  sometimes " 
called  "  Labore."  I  wonder  if  the  boys  in  it  ever  make 
predatory  expeditions  in  the  direction  of  the  statues  on 
the  roof?  Those  lions  would  not  have  their  tails  on  a 
week  in  any  English  public  school,  and  I  can  answer 
for  myself  that  I  should  have  made  a  collection  of 
goddesses'  mud  noses  in  my  first  half  year  or  been 
expelled.  But  they  must  be  very  well-behaved  lads 
there,  or  the  dormitories  would  before  this  have  tempted 
many  to  death,  for  such  incitement  to  roof-climbing  feats 
I  never  met  with.  The  ceilings  of  many  of  the  rooms  are 
adorned  with  Loves  and  Venuses,  and  these  rooms,  no 
doubt,  are  given  up  to  only  the  little  boys.  But  the 
Martiniere  is  a  fine  pile,  and  for  a  school,  with  its  water, 
its  space  and  its  airiness,  it  is  admirably  suited.  Below 
the  building  is  "  the  vault  of  General  Claude  Martin," 
an  exquisitely  cool  apartment,  of  which  the  school 
authorities  sagaciously  avail  themselves  to  keep  their 
beer-casks  in.  But  the  key  of  the  beer  was  kept  up- 
stairs— so  I  found.  Need  I  say  anything  of  the  beautiful 
Residency  Ruins,  except  that  I  got  a  packet  of  blue 
ipomea-seed  from  the  Baily  Guard  ?  or  of  Secundrabagh, 
with  a  shrub  for  every  Highlander's  victim,  or  of  the 
palace  of  "  the  heart's  delight,"  Dil  Koosha.  How  des- 
perate the  difference  between  its  present  jungle-grown 
appearance  and  its  former  glories  when  with  elephants 
and  cheetahs  and  falcons  the  Kings  of  Oudh  went  out 

K  2 


132  Under  tJie  Punkah. 

to  the  chase  !  — or  of  the  Chutter  Munzil,  that  sumptuous 
club,  where  mere  mortals  are  housed  as  if  they  were 
king's  courtiers,  and  where  the  servants  understand  as  by 
a  divine  inspiration  the  cooling  of  drinks  ? 

My  letters,  by  the  way,  are  headed  "sight-seeing."  I 
am  afraid  there  is  very  little  about  "sights"  in  them.  To 
tell  the  truth,  I  prefer  to  carry  away  from  a  place  general 
impressions  rather  than  statistical  information — for  in  spite 
of  all  warning  evidence  to  the  contrary,  I  pretend  to 
myself  that  it  is  not  intellectual  to  be  able  to  carry  names 
and  figures  and  dates,  in  my  head.  I  always  explain, 
when  I  am  at  bay  for  a  fact,  or  brought  up  with  my 
head  against  figures,  that  I  have  not  an  exact  memory 
for  statistics,  but  that  my  "  general  impressions"  are  always 
correct.  I  do  this  habitually,  although  I  find  that  every 
other  fool  of  my  acquaintance  congratulates  and  excul- 
pates himself  in  exactly  the  same  way.  At  the  same  time, 
it  is  only  fair  to  myself  to  say  that  the  worst  fools  of  my 
acquaintance  have  sticky  memories  for  facts  and  figures, 
and  have  no  sympathy  with  broad  impressions.  These 
men  "  see  "  a  place,  learn  its  exact  length,  breadth  and 
age,  but  feel  no  more  of  its  spirit  or  influence  than  a 
vulture  does  of  a  field  of  recent  battle.  My  chief  delight 
in  going  to  a  new  place  in  India  is  to  watch  some  of 
its  people  "at  home,"  and  to  test  the  capabilities 
of  its  bazaars.  I  have  already  mentioned  the  curious 
pottery  ware  of  Lucknow,  but  another  manufacture 
(of  which  only  three  pieces  rewarded  our  search)  deserves 


Sight-seeing.  133 

special  mention.  One  of  the  three  is  now  before  me. 
It  is  a  vase  of  very  simple  shape,  about  eight  inches  high, 
made  of  a  very  heavy  black  metal,  probably  pure  zinc. 
Round  the  base  runs  two  rims  of  silver,  and  from  these 
rims  spring  seven  leaves,  about  an  inch  wide  at  the  centre 
(where  the  bulge  of  the  vase  comes),  and  tapering  to  fine 
points  round  the  top.  There  is  no  rim  at  the  top,  nor  any 
other  ornamentation  whatever.  I  may  add  that  the 
"  silver"  stands  out  from  the  black  metal  foundation, 
and  that  it  is  not  stamped,  the  inside  of  the  vase  being 
quite  smooth.  The  venation  of  the  leaves  is  boldly 
done,  and  they  are  evidently  copies  from  nature — the 
hart's-tongue  fern,  I  should  have  said,  if  they  had  been 
English  work.  The  price  paid  for  the  vase  was  Rs.  8 ; 
they  asked  Rs.  12.  Besides  the  pottery  above  men- 
tioned, and  this  handsome  ware,  we  found  nothing. 
Tinsel  caps  are  made  in  perfection  in  Lucknow,  and 
remarkable  ingenuity  is  often  shown  in  the  manipula- 
tion of  colours,  an  infinity  of  effective  changes  being  rung 
on  the  usual  green,  blue  and  red.  It  is  hardly  necessary 
to  say  that  we  bought  some  "  Lucknow  bangles ;"  the 
proper  price  to  pay  is  Rs.  13  for  twelve  bangles,  all 
silver  (cut  into  diamonds),  and  Rs.  18  for  the  dozen  if 
gold-washed. 

But  Lucknow,  if  comparatively  sterile  of  Quriosities 
— as  the  Delhi  shopkeeper  prefers  to  spell  the  word — 
enabled  me  to  see  a  den  of  opium-eaters.  Escorted  by 
the  Kotwal,  or  head  of  the  city  police,  we  turned  one 


1 34  Under  the  Punkah. 

afternoon  from  the  main  bazaar  up  an  impossibly  narrow 
lane,  so  narrow  that  a  dog  that  was  lying  asleep  in  it 
seriously  obstructed  us.  The  constable  in  advance 
told  it  authoritatively  to  move  on,  or  "pass  away,"  but  it 
neither  spake  nor  moved.  Then  from  his  place  forth 
stepped  a  chuprassy  of  tender  years  and  kicked  the 
hound — but  it  nor  swooned  nor  uttered  cry.  It  only 
snored.  Then  rose  the  kotwal,  an  aged  man,  and  placed 
his  foot  upon  its  stomach,  and  then,  like  summer  tempest, 
came  its  howls,  and  down  the  narrow  lane  it  fled  pre- 
cipitate. The  obstruction  thus  happily  removed,  we 
squeezed  ourselves  out  of  the  gorge  to  find  ourselves  in 
front  of,  what  might  have  been,  a  long  cow-shed.  It  was, 
however,  the  licensed  opium-shop.  On  the  floor  of  one 
compartment  lay  a  number  of  men  and  women,  the 
head  of  each  pillowed  on  the  nearest  part  of  the  body  of 
the  next,  and  all  of  them,  strange  to  say,  young.  And 
the  expression  of  their  faces  !  It  has  fixed  for  me,  for  ever, 
the  lotus-eaters.  As  we  entered,  all  turned  their  faces 
towards  us,  but  not  one  moved  from  the  ground.  They 
were  all  smiling,  not  the  maudlin  smile  of  drunkenness, 
but  the  beatified  smile  of  those  who  die  happily.  It 
was  evident  they  did  not  see  us,  for  they  looked  through 
us  and  away  beyond  us.  We  were  dream  figures  to 
them.  The  gracious  alchemy  of  the  drug  transmuted 
their  gross  surroundings,  and  our  own  unwelcome  selves, 
into  the  playthings  of  a  pleasant  fancy.  Do  you  remem- 
ber in  "Realmah,"  how  the  people  used  to  buy  their 


Sight-seeing.  135 

sleep  in  little   slabs — a  blue  kind  being   superior,  and 
carrying  with  it  sweet  dreams?    The  girl  lying  in  the 
doorway  had  certainly  bought  the  bluest  of  all.     With 
her  eyes  swimming,  and  though  intent  not  staring,  she 
looked  at  us,  not  one  at  a  time  but  all  at  once — just  as 
the  eyes  of  a  full-face  portrait  seem  to  be  following  you, 
until  you  find  that  every  one  else  in  the  room  is  being 
followed  by  them  as  well — on  her  lips  playing  a  smile, 
poor  thing,  of  seraphic  purity  and  sweetness.     Another 
group,  lying  in  the  open  air,  was  not  less  interesting — two 
boys.     One  was  a  lad  of  peculiarly  high-bred  look,  with  a 
naturally  gentle  face.     His  clothes  showed  that  he  was  of 
the  upper  class.     On  the  same  cloth  was  stretched  a  dirty 
young  scaramouch,  bare-headed,  his  hair  a  disorderly 
tangle,  and  his  clothes  of  the  coarsest  and  dirtiest.    And 
yet  the  better  of  the  two  prepared  the  pipes  for  the  other, 
who,  all  the  while,  lay  with  his  head  on  his  companion's 
breast,  waiting  calmly  with  drowsy  eyes  fixed  on  the  wall 
before  him  till  the  gentle  voice  of  the  other  bade  him 
turn  to  inhale  the  ready  pipe.    It  was  indescribably  strange 
to  hear  the  soft  voices   and  watch   the   quiet — gentle 
is   the   only   word — behaviour  of  these  unhappy   crea- 
tures.    One  thing  I  learnt  from  the  visit.     It  requires 
two  to  smoke  a  pipe  of  opium.     Each  prepares  the  pipe 
for  the  other — rolls  up  the  pill  of  opium,  plugs  it  into  the 
pipe,  and  holds  it  over  the  light  that  burns  by  his  side  till 
it  catches  fire  and  bubbles — until  one  or  other  is  in 
dreamland,  and  then  the  owner  of  the  "  shop  "  serves  the 


136  Under  the  Punkah. 

survivor  till  he  too  joins  his  friends  in  the  other  world. 
There  are  no  troubles  there,  and  till  the  drug  ceases 
to  work  all  are  happy. 

*** 

We  reached  Agra,  at  noon,  and,  more  welcome  than 
angels,  found  waiting  at  the  station  the  "  representative  " 
of  the  hotel  to  look  after  the  luggage,  &c.,  and  let  us 
get  off  as  quickly  as  possible.  What  a  luxury  it  is 
getting  into  a  cool  hotel  after  a  two  mile  drive  at  twelve 
o'clock  in  the  day  at  the  end  of  May,  none  can  know 
but  those  who  have  experienced  it ! 

After  our  fashion  we  proceeded,  after  icing  ourselves, 
to  give  audience  to  sellers  of  local  ware,  and  very  soon 
the  verandah  was  littered  with  soap-stone  and  pietra 
dura.  I  had  so  often  bought  both  before,  that  the  vendors 
soon  abandoned  their  first  eagerness  to  sell  us  their 
things  at  eight  times  their  value  and  settled  down  to  busi- 
ness. But,  just  as  at  Lucknow,  the  Art  Joitrnal  patterns 
were  considered  the  chefs-d'oeuvre,  and  the  sellers  were 
surprised  beyond  measure  that  we  scorned  the  "  namuna  " 
given  them  by  the  Collector  or  the  Padri  Sahib.  Even- 
tually we  got  what  we  wanted  at  our  own  prices,  and 
as  in  the  present  taste  for  Indian  art  some  may  be  buying 
soap-stone  or  inlaid  work,  it  may  interest  them  to  know 
what  "  our  own  prices  "  were.  A  Taj  fitting  into  an 
eleven-inch  box,  and  of  the  best  work  was  Rs.  5  ;  boxes, 
the  very  handsomest  we  could  pick  out,  soap-stones 
measuring  7  inches  across  were  Rs.  3  each,  and  plates, 


Sight-seeing.  1 37 

our  own  selection  again,  Re.  i  each.  A  white  marble 
box,  oval,  6  inches  long,  with  a  spray  of  jessamine,  was 
Rs.  8 ;  and  a  book  4  inches  long,  with  a  "  Taj  flower  " 
in  cornelian,  Rs.  3-8-0.  By  far  the  best  specimens  of  their 
wares  are  those  of  the  old  patterns.  Elaborate  but  not 
agreeable  wreathings  of  vine-leaves  and  grape  bunches 
are  very  costly — but  they  are  not  "native  art"  at  all. 
The  native  does  not  use  the  vine-leaf  and  fruit  as  an 
ornament  when  left  to  himself.  Impossible  lilies  of  the 
mediaeval  type  are  his  own  taste,  and  in  the  combination 
of  colours  in  these  he  excels.  The  jessamine  is  his  own 
idea  too,  and  so  is  the  curled-up  snake,  and  both  are  very 
good  in  their  different  ways.  The  carvings  in  soap-stone 
— but  the  soap-stone  lends  itself  so  delightfully  to  the 
chisel — are  some  of  them  wonderfully  delicate ;  but  is  it 
not  curious  that  modelling  the  Taj  has  not  suggested  their 
modelling  other  buildings,  or  parts  of  them  ?  The  top  of 
Etmatdowlah's  tomb,  for  instance,  or  the  Secundra  gate- 
way, or  that  curious  Chinese-looking  pillar  and  capital  at 
Fatehpur  Sikri  would  make  charming  and  very  acceptable 
mementos  of  those  objects. 

Our  first  sight  was  of  course  the  Taj,  but  I  am  certainly 
not  going  to  venture  upon  description.  Of  course  too  it  was 
in  splints,  it  always  is.  The  tinkering,  no  doubt,  will  be 
finished  some  day,  but  while  it  lasts  is  a  nuisance.  When 
I  was  last  at  Agra,  the  top  of  the  Taj  was  off!  And 
I  remember  well  the  disgust  of  an  English  party  who 
had  corne  to  visit  it.  But  some  compensation  was  in 


138  Under  the  Punkah. 

store  for  them,  for  they  chanced  to  be  there  when  a 
staircase  discovered  to  lead  under  the  Taj  from  the 
platform  on  the  river  side  was  being  opened.  The  "  dis- 
covery "  was  due  to  the  loquacity  of  an  old  man  who, 
looking  on  at  the  repairs,  casually  informed  the  engineer 
in  charge  that  he  had  been  a  workman  on  previous  repairs 
— about  half  a  century  before — and  that  he  had  worked 
at  breaking  open  a  certain  staircase.  Acting  on  his  in- 
structions the  staircase  was  found,  opened,  and  followed 
as  far  as  an  octagonal  room  from  which  it  was  evident 
the  passage  continued  right  under  the  Taj.  But  the 
exploration  went  no  further,  the  engineer  in  charge 
wisely  bethinking  himself  that  as  the  staircase  was  no 
doubt  closed  up  from  prudential  motives,  there  might 
be  danger  to  the  Taj  from  again  undermining  it.  We 
returned  to  the  Taj  after  dinner,  there  being  a  splendid 
moon,  and  the  whole  of  the  next  day  too  we  spent  in  the 
garden  and  the  mosque,  steeping  ourselves  in  the  beauty 
of  the  place.  Next  morning  we  drove  to  Rambagh 
and  Etmatdowlah's  tomb.  The  latter  was  undergoing 
"  thorough  repair,"  and  did  not  look  the  better  under 
the  process.  The  Rambagh  of  course  was  looking  its 
worst,  but  the  pleasant  river  breeze  was  there  as  usual. 
I  noticed  in  this  garden  a  variety  of  "  plumbago,"  upon 
which  an  immense  number  of  "  burnet "  moths  (that 
curious  connecting  link  between  moths  and  butterflies) 
were  feeding.  On  a  small  petunia  patch  close  by 
there  were  several  "hawk-moths"  of  at  any  rate  two 


Sight-seeing .  139 

species  (it  was  about  half  past-seven  in  the  morning), 
so  that  I  should  think  Rambagh  would  be  a  fine  hunt- 
ing-ground for  local  lepidopterists.  We  drove  home 
through  the  bazaar  and  made  a  collection  of  inkstands — 
dumpy  little  bottles,  glazed — fine  blue,  apple  green,  or 
scarlet;  others  blue,  black  and  white  worked  in  patterns 
of  stars,  rosettes,  etc.,  artistic  and  effective  ;  and  we  further 
chanced  upon  a  colony  of  metal-workers.  Their  ware, 
of  brass  upon  iron  or  a  white  metal,  is  well  worth  buy- 
ing; a  rupee  purchasing  a  handsome  tumbler  kind  of 
thing,  and  twelve  rupees  a  whole  set — seraye,  lotah,  tray, 
"tumbler"  with  lid,  also  pan-dan  and  hookah  stand.  We 
had  found  work  of  the  same  kind  at  Lucknow,  but  there 
it  was  all  of  one  pattern,  rings  of  brass  roses  or  a  chec- 
quered  pattern  upon  black  metal,  and  never  in  any  case 
so  carefully  finished  as  this  at  Agra.  Cap-making  is  in 
great  perfection  here,  flowers  and  stars  of  tinsel  being 
curiously  worked  into  the  reverse  of  the  net  or  muslin 
ground-work,  and  giving  the  cap  a  subdued  glitter, 
and  richer  in  appearance  than  when  the  ordinary 
tinsel  gawds  are  sewn  on  to  the  outside  of  the  material. 
What  a  widowed  and  woe-begone  appearance  Agra  has  ; 
and,  considering  its  resident  population,  how  deserted 
it  appears.  Contrasted  with  Lucknow  the  difference  is 
very  striking ;  and  even  with  dead-alive  Allahabad,  Agra 
looks  dull.  Allahabad  of  course  has  the  advantage  in 
population ;  but  this  does  not  explain  its  habitually 
waste  appearance.  I  was  in  Agra  for  eight  months  once, 


14°  Under  the  PunkaJi. 

and  do  not  speak  from  this  last  visit's  impressions. 
The  drive  to  Secundra — a  rain-storm  having  cooled  the 
air — was  delicious,  but  the  only  inhabitant  out  of  doors 
that  evening  was  one  hungry-looking  individual  pounding 
along  on  a  dejected  pony.  The  collector,  by  the  way, 
was  busy  cutting  down  trees  along  the  Secundra  Road — an 
excellent  process  when  either  the  trees  are  too  numerous 
or  are  dead.  But  what  object  there  can  be  in  cutting 
down  good  trees  when  there  are  no  others,  I  was  puzzled 
to  guess.  The  same  reasoning,  when  discovered,  may 
explain  why  no  one  looks  after  the  Taj  road.  Trees 
along  it  would  surely  look  better  than  dunghills. 

What  a  pleasure  Fatehpur  Sikri  is  !  Wander  where 
you  like,  it  is  all  delightful. 

In  the  elephant  stables  we  collected  a  handful  of  pea- 
cocks' tail  feathers,  and  disturbed  in  our  subterranean 
ramblings  many  owls.  What  a  paradise  of  birds  this 
deserted  palace-city  is;  wildernesses  of  green  parrots 
nestle  in  it ;  nearly  every  bush  holds  a  dove's  nest ;  the 
robins — and  they  are  in  hundreds — have  a  bewildering 
choice  of  secure  holes — and  the  owls !  I  wonder  all 
the  owls  of  India  do  not  come  and  live  here. 

The  khansamah  has  not  grown  more  active  with 
years,  but  then  no  place  could  so  tempt  to  loitering  and 
laziness  as  this  curious  place.  So  thoroughly  is  dawdling 
in  the  air,  that  the  very  hens  put  off  laying  their 
eggs  till  they  are  stale.  The  very  leanest  of  dogs — 
poor  beast,  with  him  it  is  a  perpetual  Ramazan :  in 


Sight-seeing.  141 

pauperum  tabernis  there  is  no  great  choice  of  leavings 
— proved  also  the  very  laziest.  We  threw  him  a 
bone,  but  before  coming  to  fetch  it  he  stopped  to 
yawn  and  stretch.  Meanwhile  a  crow  came  up,  and 
instead  of  seizing  the  morsel,  proceeded  to  offer  a 
trite  remark  or  two,  and  then  picking  up  the  bone, 
hopped  off  leisurely  and  sideways.  But  it  was  too  much 
exertion  for  it  to  carry  it  on  to  the  wall,  so  when  the  dog 
dawdled  up  to  investigate  matters,  the  bird  sauntered  off. 
When  the  dog  had  finished  with  the  bone  (he  did  finish 
with  it  eventually)  there  was  not  even  a  mark  left  on  the 
pavement  to  show  where  it  had  been.  Nevertheless  the 
crow  having,  in  its  own  monotonous  way,  been  mean- 
while explaining  to  the  public  that  affairs  worthy  their 
attention  were  in  progress,  several  of  the  tribe  dropped 
in,  and  the  dog  having  dropped  off  to  sleep,  swaggered 
as  if  they  were  bishops  all  over  the  scene  of  the  repast, 
and  finding  no  traces  of  a  bone,  decided  in  a  dilettante 
way  that  the  dog  must  have  swallowed  it.  To  make 
sure,  I  suppose,  they  hopped  on  to  his  stomach,  but 
not  a  bit  did  the  lazy  beast  budge.  The  sun  set;  and 
where  the  crows  had  cawed,  owls  were  chuckling,  and 
the  beetle  had  replaced  the  bee — but  the  dog  slept  on. 

I  wish  I  could  have  stayed  with  it  for  a  week.  It 
takes  a  week  to  exhaust  Fatehpur  Sikri  and  to  "  intense  " 
yourself  with  it — just  as  the  Taj  takes  six  months.  But 
time  alas  was  fugitive,  and  two  days  later  therefore  we 
were  going  back  past  the  Kos  Minars.  What  grand 


142  Under  the  Punka  JL 

old  ideas  of  mile-stones  those  were  !  Only  now  they 
serve  the  night  jar  for  shambles,  and  their  rents  are  full  of 
the  remains  of  moths,  Golgothas  of  the  creatures  of  the 
crepuscule.  Changing  horses  at  the  top  of  the  hill ! 
What  a  disgusting  life  this  life  by  spurts  must  be ;  a  life 
taken  up  in  doing  only  the  halves  of  things.  No  wonder 
dak  horses  have  so  little  self-respect.  Watch  that  one — 
no  sooner  does  he  feel  himself  free  than  he  tries  to  sneak 
off  to  his  stall,  carrying  the  harness  with  him.  The 
knowledge  that  he  will  be  sworn  at,  pulled  up  with  a 
jerk,  and  perhaps  kicked  in  the  stomach  for  doing  so, 
will  not  prevent  him  from  doing  exactly  the  same  to- 
morrow. After  all,  though,  there  is  a  brighter  side  to 
this  half-job  life.  It  must  be  a  relief  when  one  has  a 
long  dreary  road  to  travel  to  know  that  "  a  change  "  is 
halfway.  Marriage,  after  all,  is  something  like  "  changing 
horses." 

It  is  extraordinary  the  number  of  ruined  and  half- 
ruined  tombs  one  passes  on  the  way  from  Fatehpur  Sikri 
into  Agra.  They  must  all  have  been  men  of  substance, 
those  sleepers.  And  no  doubt  there  were  once  gardens 
round  the  tombs.  And  once,  no  doubt  too,  Agra  was  a 
very  fine  city  to  live  in — when  the  merchants  of  the 
world  streamed  in  to  sell  their  wares  to  the  ladies  who 
lived  among  the  cool  marble  corridors  of  the  Fort 
Palace,  the  playthings  of  those  most  royal  Moguls ;  or, 
at  Fatehpur  Sikri,  were  smuggled,  with  their  bales  of 
spices  and  silks  and  gems,  along  the  covered  ways  over 


Sight-seeing,  143 

the  elephant  gateway  to  the  fairy  apartments  of  the 
"  wives  "  of  Akbar — surely  the  most  splendid  of  all  lovers 
and  cosmopolitan  even  in  hisloves."  But  here  am  I,  just  as 
the  carriage  turns  up  the  hill  into  Agra,  going  in  memory 
up  the  hill  again  to  Fatehpur  Sikri ;  and,  seriously,  I 
wish  I  were  going  back  to  it.  I  am  leaving  India]  "  for 
good  "  before  long,  and  of  all  the  memories  I  shall  take 
with  me,  none  will  be  more  permanent  than  that  of 
Akbar's  Folly.  The  views  of  Benares  from  the  minarets 
and  from  the  river  will  live  for  me  as  long  as  the 
memory  of  the  Taj,  but  Fatehpur  Sikri  will  certainly 
outlive  them  all. 

*** 

Lucknow  has  nothing  in  it  to  remember  for  its  own 
sake.  The  Residency,  Secundrabagh,  and  the  Muchi 
Bhawan,  owe  their  immortality  to  other  reasons  than  their 
own  beauty — for  its  buildings  are  all  paint  and  plaster ; 
its  Hosseinabad  Imambaras  are  tawdry  barbarisms 
without,  and  ludicrous  bottle  khanas  within.  But 
Delhi  has  added  one  more  to  the  wonders  that  will 
live  for  ever  (to  me)  for  their  own  sakes  alone — the  Kutb 
Minar.  In  our  visit  to  it  there  was  every  accident  of 
advantage.  The  drive  there  in  the  cool  night  was  perfec- 
tion. What  a  gracious  alchemy  it  is,  that  moonlight ! 
Maidans  become  meadows,  dust  disappears,  and  what- 
ever was  wanting  to  the  picturesqueness  of  the  people 
and  their  homes  is  added.  Getting  up  in  the  morning 
"  to  see  the  sun  rise  "  was  a  success  even  beyond  expec- 


1 44  Under  the  Punkah. 

tation.  What  a  spectacle  it  is,  that  overlooking  the 
dead  cities,  tracing  out  the  boundaries  of  fort  and 
palaces  and  pleasure-gardens !  In  the  distance  the 
ruins  of  the  first  Delhi,  and  below  us,  round  the  feet 
of  the  Minar,  the  tombs  of  Humayun  and  his  kin,  the 
lofty  arches  and  colonnades,  great  gateways  and  shapely 
domes  !  Oh,  you  who  have  never  been  to  India — go. 

Having  glanced  over  half  provinces  and  grouped  cities, 
we  criticized,  individually,  palace  and  pleasaunce,  next 
the  several  points  in  each  colonnade  or  arch  •  and  at  last, 
our  examination  becoming  microscopic,  we  noticed  the 
peacock  mounting  guard  upon  the  broken  pillar,  the  bull 
pacing  sturdily  across  the  garden-desert,  the  girl  balancing 
her  pots  on  her  way  to  the  sheltered  well. 

Every  one  has  read  of  the  great  flights  of  butterflies 
that  have  astonished  travellers — great  flights  of  butter- 
flies that  cloud  the  sun  as  they  pass  overhead,  that 
drive  their  way  even  against  the  wind,  and  do  not 
hesitate  at  the  ocean  itself.  Right  out  in  mid-ocean 
these  flights  of  suicides  are  sometimes  met  with,  but 
whence  and  whither  they  come  and  go  men  of  science 
cannot  tell.  Now,  at  the  foot  of  a  gateway  near  the 
Kutb  grows  in  profusion  a  thorny  shrub,  the  same  that 
amuses  the  camels  and  goats  among  the  ruins  of  the 
Fatehpur  Sikri  hill,  and  on  the  particular  morning  we  were 
there  the  whole  thicket  was  absolutely  ablaze  with  white 
butterflies.  I  went  down  to  examine  it,  and  such  a  sight 
I  never  saw  before.  Each  bush  was  alive  with  the  insect 


Sight-seeing.  145 

in  every  stage ;  the  chrysalids  were  so  thick  in  places 
that  they  touched  each  other,  and  while  I  watched  they 
"  hatched  "  by  scores  and  hundreds.  I  picked  a  spray 
of  them,  and  in  half  an  hour  every  chrysalis  had  let 
loose  a  butterfly.  In  another  half  hour  the  wings  were 
strong  and  the  butterflies  were  flown.  In  my  hands 
remained  a  twig  with  a  dozen  empty  shells.  This  multi- 
plication of  life  was  simply  awful.  Every  other  leaf 
had  a  caterpillar  feeding  on  it,  and  among  the  cater- 
pillars the  mothers  of  the  next  generation  were  busy  lay- 
ing their  eggs.  The  bushes  were  literally  "  alive."  And  not 
a  butterfly  left  the  place  of  its  birth.  As  soon  as  its 
wings  were  strong  enough  to  carry  it,  it  hovered  about  the 
shell  it  had  just  left,  and  in  a  minute  or  two  found  its 
mate,  and,  thus,  all  on  one  inch  of  a  twig,  the  life  was 
lived  from  egg  to  caterpillar,  from  caterpillar  to  chrysalis, 
and  from  chrysalis  to  butterfly.  Death  too  was  all  pre- 
pared for  them  by  the  side  of  their  cradles.  Noticing 
that  in  very  many  cases  the  butterflies  did  not  move 
when  I  came  near,  I  picked  up  one  with  my  hand  from 
the  spot  on  which  it  seemed  to  be  resting,  and  then  I 
discovered  the  horrid  secret  of  its  apathy.  A  spider 
was  holding  it  to  the  branch — a  beautiful  pale  green 
spider — and,  my  eyes  opened,  I  soon  became  aware  of 
the  multitudes  of  the  same  kind  that  swarmed  among 
the  butterflies.  If  I  waved  my  hand  over  a  bush  a  hun- 
dred butterflies  might  rise  from  a  branch,  but  a  hundred 
would  remain  motionless.  A  spider  had  hold  of  each. 

L 


146  Under  the  Punkah. 

To  give  you  an  idea  of  the  enormous  creation  and 
destruction  that  was  going  on  in  this  patch  of  scrub  that 
morning,  I  saw  what  I  mistook  at  first  for  a  bird's  nest 
— a  globular  mass  of  web  pendant  from  a  twig.  On 
taking  it  off  I  found  it  was  only  the  web  of  a  common 
"  wolf "  spider,  and  that  it  weighed  as  nearly  as  possible 
half  a  pound.  (I  am  a  fisherman,  and  can  tell  weight  in 
my  hand  very  nearly  to  an  ounce.)  It  was  all  dust  and 
spiders'  web  and  dead  butterflies.  And  you  may  calculate, 
if  you  like,  how  many  dead  and  sucked-dry  butterflies  go 
to  make  up  half  a  pound  !  Again,  in  a  corner  just  as 
you  have  seen  dried  leaves  drifted  together  by  the  wind, 
I  saw  and  sifted  with  my  hands  a  thick  drift  of  butterflies' 
wings.  These  were  the  remains  of  tens  of  thousands. 
And  after  this  sight  I  can  easily  believe  in  the  vast 
numbers  of  the  flights  that  travellers  have  seen — or  in 
any  other  marvel  of  nature. 

Walking  back  to  the  dak  bungalow  I  picked  up — what 
a  spot,  by  the  way,  this  is  for  mineralogists — a  crystal  of  a 
pale  topaz  colour,  and  in  it  were  embedded  several  grass 
seeds.  I  may  of  course  be  wrong  in  calling  it  a  "  crys- 
tal," but  it  is  a  transparent  piece  of  mineral,  and  I  may 
be  wrong  about  its  enclosures,  but  those  who  have  seen 
it  agree  with  me  in  their  being  "grass  seeds."  If  they 
are,  the  stone  is  very  curious,  and  apart  from  its  own 
pretty  interest  points  a  moral,  for  if  we  think  these  ruins 
of  Delhi  old,  how  old  are  we  to  think  these  grass  seeds  ? 

Our  first  evening  at  Delhi  was  spent  on  the  Ridge, 


Sight-seeing.  147 

where  we  saw  all  that  was  to  be  seen,  the  plain  below 
still  dotted  with  the  fireplaces  of  those  who  had  attended 
Lord  Lytton's  great  "  Assemblage,"  the  racquet-court  from 
behind  which,  in  the  mutiny,  the  sepoy  had  seven  pot  shots 
at  (now)  Major  Harris,  of  China  renown,  and  all  its  other 
'  sights,'  and  so  home  by  the  Cashmere  Gate,  where  Lord 
Napier  of  Magdala  records  his  having  put  up  a  memorial 
slab  to  the  Heroes  of  the  Gate.  But  everything  is  so  over- 
grown, so  tame,  and  so  untraceable,  that  the  Ridge,  unless 
Nicholson  could  be  your  cicerone,  cannot  thrill  you  as 
reading  its  history  does.  It  is  very  disappointing.  One 
place  alone  speaks  to  you — the  spot  where  Nicholson  fell. 
What  a  murderous  place  it  is  !  And  think  of  a  gun 
raking  it  from  end  to  end  !  No  wonder  even  the  British 
soldiers  crouched  behind  the  buttresses  and  waited  "  for 
a  lead."  And  then  the  splendid  pluck  of  the  man  who 
led  them — led  them,  alas,  only  a  few  yards. 

Close  by  the  spot  is  a  temple,  a  delightfully  shaded 
nook,  where  seeing  a  tempting  display  of  brass  oddities 
—  and  not  recognizing  the  fact  of  its  being  a  shrine — B. 
stopped  to  bargain.  The  scene  with  the  priest  was  ludi- 
crous in  the  extreme.  He  was  cleaning  his  teeth  with  a 
twig  at  the  door  when  B.  halted  and  with  impious  hands 
pointed  at  the  glittering  display  and  asked  "  How  much 
for  the  lot  ?  "  He  replied,  but  the  only  word  B.  caught  was 
"  five,"  and,  thinking  he  was  bargaining,  offered  "  three," 
and  was  proceeding  to  lift  a  many-headed  god  off  its  place, 
when  the  priest,  his  lot  in  one  hand  and  "tooth-brush  "  in 

L   2 


148  Under  the  Punkah. 

the  other,  warned  him  off.  Astonished  at  such  conduct 
on  the  part  of  a  vendor  of  brass-work,  B.  remonstrated; 
but  he  maintained  absolute  silence — merely  looking  B. 
in  the  face  and  going  on  with  his  tooth-brush.  Seeing 
what  was  going  on  I  hurried  up  and  explained  to  B.  that 
the  old  man  was  a  priest,  that  the  place  was  a  temple,  and 
that  the  wares  were  not  for  sale.  Meanwhile,  the  priest  had 
disappeared  inside,  and,  tinkling  his  hand-bell,  began  his 
poojahs,  so  B.  apologized,  gave  four  annas  to  the 
minister,  and  went  away.  But  I  believe  none  the  less, 
that  if  the  woman  had  not  come  up  just  then  the  priest 
would  have  bargained  with  us  for  his  paraphernalia.  At 
any  rate,  there  was  no  ill-feeling  manifest  in  his  manner 
of  putting  away  our  four-anna  bit 

This  failure  at  trading  reminds  me  of  more  successful 
efforts  in  the  Chandni  Chowk,  whither,  as  soon  as  we  had 
finished  with  the  Ridge,  we  bent  our  way  in  quest,  as 
is  our  fashion,  of  curiosities  of  local  art.  Delhi  jewel- 
lery being  cheaper  in  England  than  at  Delhi,  we  re- 
frained from  purchasing ;  nor,  for  the  same  reason,  did 
we  waste  our  substance  in .  riotous  ivory-work.  We 
found,  however,  a  variety  of  that  black  and  silver  metal- 
work  which  is  made  at  Lucknow  also — a  coarsely  made 
but  effective  ware,  well  worth  buying  in  spite  of  the 
prices  asked  for  it.  A  small  saraye  was  priced  at  Rs.  4. 
The  fact  is  that  the  Imperial  Assemblage  ruined  most 
and  enriched  a  few  of  the  Chandni  Chowk  tradesmen, 
and  whether  ruined  or  enriched,  the  result  to  us  was  the 


Sight-seeing.  1 49 

same — enhanced  prices ;  the  poor  man  wished  to  recoup, 
the  rich  was  too  proud  to  haggle  and  descend.  Delhi 
produces  a  rough  but  interesting  pottery — blue  designs  on 
a  white-glazed  ground ;  and  though  the  generality  is  very 
poor  and  common-looking,  we  found  in  one  shop  a  few 
specimens  that  looked  very  like,  but  much  handsomer 
than,  much  of  the  old  "  blue  china  "  lately  in  vogue. 
For  one  piece  we  gave  about  fivepence,  and  for  two 
others  threepence  each.  There  is  one  shop  in  the 
chowk  where,  as  the  sign -board  tells  you,  "  European 
gentlemen  often  buy  Quriosities  for  Europe,"  but  these 
curiosities  with  a  Q  were  of  the  commonest  kinds  of 
Benares,  Lucknow,  and  Agra  productions,  and  extrava- 
gantly priced.  Next  door,  for  a  couple  of  rupees,  we 
picked  up  a  set  of  brass  instruments  such  as  the  ortho- 
dox use  for  their  poojas — a  delightful  set  of  absurdities, 
worth,  to  my  notion,  any  amount  of  Art  Journal  Lucknow- 
work  or ' '  Paris  fashion  "  Cashmere  ware.  Pictures  of  the 
gods  of  the  country  (though  immoderately  priced  at  eight 
annas  each)  were  too  tempting  to  let  slip,  so  we  got  an 
assortment  of  sky-blue  deities  with  crimson  feet.  One 
picture  is  delicious.  A  gilt-faced  Krishna  is  fluting  to 
a  bevy  of  fawn-coloured  ladies  in  an  indigo  stream,  but 
the  artist,  to  prevent  the  foremost  concealing  those  be- 
hind, has  been  compelled  to  depict  them  one  above  the 
other,  and  as  each  is  visible  to  the  waist,  it  is  dreadful 
to  think  of  the  length  of  the  hindmost  lady's  legs,  sup- 
posing them  all  to  stand  on  the  same  level.  A  similar 


1 50  Under  the  Punkah. 

art  difficulty  causes  all  the  lotus-flowers  on  the  pictures 
to  look  as  if  they  were  trundling  along  the  surface  of  the 
stream  on  their  edges  like  wheels.  I  wanted  to  get  more 
of  these  pictures,  but  could  find  none.  It  is  curious  that 
no  locality  should  make  pictures  its  speciality.  Our  find 
at  Delhi  was  an  accident,  for  they  are  not  drawn  there, 
but  came,  we  were  told,  "  from  Muttra."  But  then  either" 
Muttra  or  Hurdwar  was  always  given  wherever  we  went 
as  the  source  of  everything.  One  more  of  our  Delhi 
purchases  is  worth  noticing — the  red  and  blue  "  saloo  " 
cloths  stamped  with  silver  and  gold.  For  a  Fancy  Ball 
I  can  imagine  nothing  more  economically  effective. 
The  price  is  five  annas  a  yard,  and  the  effect  really 
brilliant — but  I  have  something  more  than  a  suspicion 
that  Manchester  was  concerned  in  its  manufacture.  On 
the  whole  Delhi  was  disappointing  in  its  local  curiosities, 
but  then  the  city  is  given  up  to  Manchester  body  and  soul. 
The  Queen's  Gardens  are  well  worth  a  morning  visit,  but 
what  a  pity  its  possibilities  are  not  better  availed  of. 
The  "  canal "  might  be  made  a  very  charming  feature ; 
and  possessing,  what  few  other  public  gardens  in  India 
possess,  splendid  trees  and  in  great  number,  these 
gardens  are  capable  of  infinite  beauties.  When  I  was 
there  a  large  lagerstroemia  (I  think  it  was)  was  in  full 
blossom — a  magnificent  vegetable. 

In  a  "  Sight-Seeing  "  letter  I  ought  perhaps  to  have 
mentioned  the  Jama  Masjid  and  the  Fort,  and  the  other 
notabilities  of  Delhi.  But  so  many  sight-seers  have  done 


Sight-seeing.  \  5 1 

that,  that  I  refrain.  I  would  only  say  that  if  the  shoe  I 
saw  at  the  Masjid  as  "  Ali's  shoe  "  was  really  his,  cobblers 
have  learnt  nothing  new  for  some  centuries. 

From  Delhi  we  returned  to  the  hills  and  Naini  Tal, 
narrowly  escaping  a  native  "  gentleman  "  as  a  travelling 
companion.  This  disagreeable  person  had  with  him — 
by  way  of  personal  "  luggage,"  a  hooka,  an  open  bundle 
of  eatables — chiefly  pickles  of  vilest  odour — and  a  stale 
cut  melon.  Without  shoes  or  stockings,  and  his  turban 
tilted  on  one  side  of  his  head,  he  lolled  along  a  whole 
seat,  insolent  because  partially  educated.  Nor  was  it  of 
any  use  explaining  that  as  there  was  another  native 
gentleman  in  the  next  compartment  he  might  as  well 
get  into  it  "  to  oblige  a  lady."  He  said  something  in 
an  off-hand  way,  but  his  mouth  was  too  full  of  pan  for 
him  to  be  intelligible.  Fortunately,  another  empty 
carriage  was  discovered,  so  this  discreditable  specimen 
of  the  half-civilized  Hindoo  remained  in  possession.  My 
servant,  however,  thinking  to  gratify  me,  audibly  remarked 
something  ungracious  about  the  "  black  man  "  travelling 
in  sahibs'  carriages — but  he  got  a  box  on  the  ears. 

*** 

After  all,  "  sight-seeing  "  is  pleasanter  in  cool  latitudes. 
I  do  not  go  so  far  as  to  say  I  would  rather  be  a  polar 
bear  than  a  salamander,  but  merely  that  "  the  hills  "  of 
India  are,  taken  all  round,  pleasanter  in  June  for-out-of 
door  pursuits,  than  the  plains.  There  are,  it  is  true,  no 
great  choice  of  Golden  Temples,  Tajes,  Imambaras  or 


152  Under  the  Punkah. 

Kutb  Minars  among  the  hills.  Nor  is  the  Almorah  fort 
to  be  compared  with  Ramnagar  at  Benares,  or  with  the 
Agra  fort,  or  the  Delhi  one.  But  the  Taj  is  not  so  white 
as  Nunda  Debi,  nor  has  Lucknow  anything  so  beautiful, 
nor  Benares  so  reverend,  as  the  Trisool.  My  last  letter 
only  brought  me  as  far  as  Delhi,  so  I  must  wrench  my 
mind  back  to  the  plains  for  an  hour.  It  is,  to  my  think- 
ing the  dernier  pas  qui  coute :  at  any  rate  in  letter-writing. 
One  starts  off  jauntily  enough,  but  the  pen  tires  with 
the  legs,  and  at  the  end  of  a  long  journey  one  does  not 
rush  to  record  impressions  with  any  of  the  enthusiasm  of 
the  beginning. 

From  Delhi,  then,  we  railed  to  Moradabad,  and 
here,  though  "  sights  "  were  wanting,  we  found  "  local 
art"  in  most  satisfactory  activity.  To  the  bazaars, 
therefore,  we  went.  There  is  a  Lowther  Arcade  in 
Moradabad,  the  queerest  one  in  the  world — with  such 
shabby  toys,  and  such  shabby  everything !  Very  little 
to  buy,  however,  except  lac  bangles.  This  manufacture 
is  here  carried  to  perfection ;  and  nowhere  else  had  we 
seen  such  a  variety,  either  in  colour  or  pattern,  displayed 
for  sale.  A  curious  pigment,  paint  mixed  with  mica 
dust,  is  a  characteristic  of  the  common  wares,  and  most 
of  the  "  chillums  "  are  one  pattern,  a  pink  on  a  brown 
ground,  with  raised  flowers  at  regular  intervals  round 
the  rim.  But,  as  you  may  imagine,  it  was  not  here  that 
we  made  the  discovery  of  local  talent  above  referred  to. 
That  was  in  the  bazaar  proper,  the  High  Street  of  the 
city,  and  once  found,  we  had  discovered  the  prototype 


Sight- seeing.  153 

of  nearly  all  the  metal-work  of  Upper  India.  Benares, 
Lucknow,  Agra,  Delhi — all  borrow  this  special  ware  from 
Moradabad  !  That  is  to  say,  all  the  variations  in  brass- 
upon-iron  work  that  I  have  described  as  being  of  Agra  or 
Lucknow  or  Delhi,  are  nothing  more  nor  less  than  copies  of 
the  Moradabad  work,  or  even,  in  some  cases,  Morada- 
bad work  itself  imported.  And  it  is  well  worth  importa- 
tion, for  in  Moradabad  this  ware  is  carried  to  great  per- 
fection. Nor  are  the  prices  at  all  excessive.  A  beauti- 
ful little  lotah  on  a  tray  is  Rs.  3,  a  very  handsome  suraye 
(steel  on  black  metal),  Rs.  7,  an  eight-inch  plate  Rs.  2-12. 
Put  either  of  these  specimens  by  the  side  of  those  sold 
at  Agra  or  Delhi,  and  the  contrast  is  very  striking ;  for, 
as  is  so  often  the  case,  only  the  inferior  qualities  are 
imported,  the  real  article,  like  green  Chartreuse,  being 
obtainable  "only  from  the  makers."  One  fact  about 
Moradabad  I  must  place  on  record.  Its  inhabitants 
are  the  one  vile  race  I  have  met  in  India.  Low-bred 
Mahomedans,  the  greater  number,  their  manners  are 
insolent  to  the  last  degree.  Every  face  wears,  for  the 
European,  a  scowl  or  a  sneer,  and  to  ask  a  question  is 
to  meet  with  an  insult.  But  they  are  not  "  independent." 
On  the  contrary,  I  pushed  one  man  with  my  foot  off  his 
stool  for  refusing  repeatedly  to  answer  a  question  which 
he  heard  me  asking  him,  and  as  he  hurt  his  head  in 
falling  he  wept.  A  Kumaoni  is  just  as  liberal  with  his 
impudence ;  but  if  you  touch  him  he  will,  the  chances 
are,  retire  to  a  distance  and  throw  stones  at  you  and 
your  pony.  The  Moradabad  men,  on  the  contrary, 


1 54  Under  the  PunkaJi. 

are  pure  blackguards,  insolent  only  till  kicked.  This 
trait  of  their  character  I  confided  to  a  civilian  of  the 
station  as  a  discovery ;  but  he  told  me  that  it  was  a 
generally  received  opinion,  and  that  officials  had  to 
tolerate  to-day  as  much  insolence  as  in  1858  would  have 
justified  the  annihilation  of  the  city.  The  Parsee  is  not 
always  lovable,  and  Kumaonis  are  not,  to  a  man,  cour- 
teous ;  but  the  low  Mahomedan  of  the  Moradabad 
bazaars  is  simply  vile. 

*** 

In  the  cool  night  we  started  for  Naini  Tal,  and 
at  daybreak  found  ourselves  at  Kaladungi,  the  pheasants 
calling  from  the  coverts,  the  tattoos  under  the  trees  still 
asleep.  A  melancholy  meal — sweetened  only  by  the 
thought  of  the  hills  before  us — discussed,  and  a  pony  and 
a  jhampan  selected,  we  started.  How  wonderful  it  is, 
that  gradual  and  yet  rapid  influence  of  the  champagne 
air  of  higher  latitudes  on  the  lungs  and  spirits  of  comers 
from  the  plains  ?  Before  Mungowli  was  reached,  I  had 
so  put  the  plains  heat  out  of  me  that  no  effort  of 
memory  could  recall  the  sensations  of  100°  under  a 
punkah.  The  sun  a  terror?  Impossible!  It  was  a 
cheerful  luminary,  prettily  chequering  the  landscape 
with  lights  and  shades,  and  waking  up  birds  to  twitter, 
butterflies  to  flutter,  and  men  and  women  to  go  picnicking. 
I  adored  the  sun.  Its  grateful  warmth  just  sufficed  to 
make  idleness  pleasant,  and  shady  oaks  the  shadier. 

Bheem   Tal    was  our  first    halt,    and   I   should   be 


Sight-seeing.  1 5  5 

more  base  than  usual  if  I  omitted  to  record  the 
beauties  of  that  march.  The  approach  is  delightful, 
and  unique  in  its  delights.  Let  it  be  a  cool  morning, 
light  clouds  driving  across  the  sky,  slicing  off  the  moun- 
tain tops  and  patching  their  sides  with  shadows,  as  you 
debouch  from  the  gorges  upon  the  levels  of  Bheen  Tal. 
On  a  sudden  you  find  yourself  in  the  midst  of  English 
scenery  !  Fields  of  corn  with  intervals  of  grass  land,  the 
cattle  grazing,  and  clusters  of  whitewashed  huts  over- 
grown with  gourds,  imitating  English  cottages  as  well  as 
they  can.  A  broad  lane  runs  down  between  steep  banks, 
upon  which  English  flowers  are  growing,  and  the  hedges  are 
full  of  white  dog-roses ;  and  after  a  mile  or  two,  the  road 
being  all  the  way  as  level  as  any  country  lane  at  home, 
you  come  upon  the  reedy  mere — Bheem  Tal.  On  the 
marsh  land  are  feeding  a  hundred  cattle  and  twice  as 
many  horses,  while  along  the  road  that  skirts  the  pas- 
turage the  drovers  and  herdsmen  are  camped  in  knots. 
From  the  reed  comes  all  day  long  the  cry  of  the  plover, 
and  from  the  woods  beyond  the  cuckoo  shouts  from 
early  morning  late  into  the  night. 

We  spent  a  delightful  day  at  the  dak  bungalow — 
doing  nothing,  and  yet  busy  enough  in  doing  it.  Beneath 
us,  the  proud  drakes  were  conveying  their  flotillas  of 
ducks  and  ducklings  across  the  Tal,  and  on  the  marsh 
land  beyond  the  lake  men  and  boys  were  all  day  long 
hunting  their  cattle  to  and  fro,  wading  through  the  reeds 
to  circumvent  a  bull  on  battle  bent,  or  splashing  through 


156  Under  the  Punkah. 

an  arm  of  the  lake  to  drive  back  a  straying  horse.  And 
surely  never  did  beasts  keep  men  so  busy.  From  every 
corner  of  the  pasturage  came  the  threatening  lowings  of 
the  bulls  of  the  different  herds,  and  in  spite  of  vigilant 
eyes  they  were  all  day  long  doing  battle.  The  horses 
were  just  as  restless ;  now  starting  off,  a  drove  together, 
to  scour  the  circuit  of  the  lake  :  now  in  pairs  squealing 
at  each  other,  as  they  pawed  and  pranced  about.  These 
tattoos  must  be  of  a  very  volatile  kind ;  forgetting,  at  the 
first  hint  of  a  holiday,  alljthe  terrors  of  past  bondage,  like 
the  negro  slave  of  the  olden  days  who,  his  day's  taskover, 
and  his  sore  back  oiled,  used  to  plunge  at  once  into  the 
dissipations  of  the  banjo  and  the  double-shuffle.  In 
the  middle  of  the  day  a  rain-storm  suddenly  drifted  up, 
banking  the  sky  all  round  with  slaty  clouds.  In  a  few 
minutes  all  differences  among  the  kine  were  settled,  and 
the  various  herds  huddled  together,  while  the  tattoos 
congregated  amicably  under  trees.  But  their  owners, 
men  of  all  weathers,  never  moved  an  inch.  They  simply 
spread  their  brown  blankets  over  their  heads  and  sat 
out  the  pelting  storm  in  the  open,  dotting  the  plain 
like  great  mole  heaps  on  an  English  meadow.  The 
rain-storm  over,  each  mole-hill  heaved,  and  a  human 
being  issued  forth,  and  having  spread  out  his  blanket 
to  dry,  set  off  chasing  the  once  more  rampant  tattoo 
and  the  already  combative  bull.  We  also  sallied  forth 
to  see  the  "  Seven  Lakes "  that  mark  the  course  of 
the  great  gorge  that  takes  the  waters  of  these  hills 


Sight-seeing.  \  5  7 

into  the  Terai.  These  lakes  are  each  of  them  marvels 
of  beauty,  and  each  differs  from  the  next.  Some  are 
clear  pools  of  water,  into  which  on  all  sides  the  pine- 
covered  hills  slope  easily,  the  trees  growing,  literally, 
at  the  water's  edge ;  others  are  dark,  deep  tarns,  with 
wild  bare  rocks  jutting  out  from  and  overhanging 
them ;  others  are  miniature  Windermeres,  here  green 
turf  pied  with  large  daisies  creeping  to  the  water,  there 
a  cluster  of  bushes  drooping  over,  and  again,  a  large 
stone  giving  a  foothold  to  a  tangle  of  ferns  and 
affording  the  flashing  kingfisher  a  watch-tower.  Wild 
raspberries,  laden  with  yellow  fruit,  and  delicious,  grew 
in  richest  abundance  on  either  side  the  path,  and  where- 
ever  you  looked,  white  roses  and  jessamine  caught  the 
eye.  There  were  some  beautiful  orchids  hanging  from 
the  trees,  and  the  wealth  of  mosses  was  wonderful  to  see. 
Now  and  then  a  pheasant  stole  from  off  the  path  before 
us,  and  from  all  the  hills  we  heard  the  khakur  barking. 
Such  a  spot !  If  I  were  going  to  be  in  India  another 
hot  weather,  I  should  take  a  tent  with  me,  pitch  it  by 
the  third  of  the  "  Seven  Lakes,"  and  make  constant 
excursions  to  it  from  Naini  Tal.  As  it  was,  evening  was 
closing  in  and  we  had  to  return,  and  long  shall  I  re- 
member that  exquisite  walk  home.  Nowhere  so  steep 
as  to  tire,  the  path  wound  in  and  out  among  the  fern- 
laden  rocks,  here  passing  under  a  group  of  oaks 
deeply  festooned  with  hanging  moss,  there  crossing  a 
noisy  brook  with  reed-choked  backwater  in  which 


158  Under  the  Punkah. 

dragon-flies  by  hundreds  flashed  about,  and  again 
mounting  some  grassy  knoll,  to  give  you  a  lovely  peep 
through  oak  and  pine,  of  hills  that  caught  the  last  rays 
of  the  sun,  and  dells  already  blue  with  mists.  On  a 
sudden  the  beauty  ceased,  and  we  found  ourselves  in  a 
great  tea-garden,  the  disciplined  regiments  of  sturdy 
bushes  encamped  along  the  bared  hill-sides,  each  camp 
divided  from  the  next  by  low  stone  walls.  And  so  through 
the  tea-garden  down  upon  the  plain  again,  "  and  lo !  the 
shining  levels  of  the  mere."  The  cuckoos  were  asleep, 
but  the  night-jars  had  taken  up  the  song,  and  from  the 
marsh  land,  instead  of  the  antiphony  of  peewits,  we  had 
the  chorus  of  "  the  tuneful  natives  of  the  reedy  lake," 
and  after  a  ten-mile  walk  we  needed  no  better  lullaby. 

Next  morning  we  started  for  Ramghar.  This  march 
is,  by  far,  the  finest  on  the  way  to  Almorah.  All  are 
beautiful,  for,  given  hills  and  oaks  and  pines,  and  an 
unlimited  supply  of  ferns  and  flowers,  it  is  not  difficult 
to  imagine  ravishing  landscapes.  But  on  the  way  to 
Ramghar  the  oaks  are  finer,  the  hills  statelier,  and  the 
undergrowth  more  luxuriant  and  various,  than  elsewhere. 
At  least,  I  think  so.  By  the  way,  what  a  number  of 
"  English  "  flowers  grow  wild  here — anemones,  forget- 
me-nots,  columbine,  aconite,  wild  strawberries,  mullen, 
St.  John's  wort,  dog-roses,  violets,  clematis,  buttercups, 
and  many  more.  Half  the  ferns  too  are  "  English  " 
ferns,  and  among  the  trees  how  many  are  familiar  !  The 
holly,  fir,  pine — but  why  go  on  with  the  list  ? — and  then 


Sight-seeing.  159 

the  mistletoe,  bunching  itself  on  the  crab  apples  !  Why 
are  not  these  hills  in  England,  or  Englishmen  on  these 
hills  ?  Here  and  there  only,  one  of  our  countrymen  has 
settled,  building  a  cosy  house,  with  orchards  and  vege- 
table gardens  stretching  down  the  hill  sides ;  but  the 
days  are  yet  to  come  when  English  enterprise  will  really 
thrive  in  the  beautiful  hills  of  Kumaon. 

What  villianous  quadrupeds  those  of  the  hills  are  ! 
The  tattoo,  if  left  unwatched  for  a  moment,  plants  him- 
self across  the  narrow  path  to  eat  the  herbage  on  the 
edge  of  the  khud,  leaving  you  just  room  to  squeeze  be- 
tween his  heels  and  the  rock.  At  other  times,  he  lounges 
round  corners  just  as  you  are  going  to  turn  them  your- 
self, and  always  takes  the  safe  side.  The  cattle,  again 
— if  there  are  calves  in  the  drove  it  is  a  work  of  some 
address  to  get  past  the  mothers  ;  and  when  a  bull  takes 
up  "an  attitude  of  observation "  in  the  middle  of  the 
narrow  road,  head  on  to  you,  he  is  a  detestable  beast 
altogether.  Even  the  goats,  elsewhere  ridiculous,  arro- 
gate terrors  on  their  native  heath,  and  scrambling  about 
upon  the  shingly  hill-sides,  shower  down  stones  as 
you  pass  below.  Mountaineers  no  doubt  learnt  the 
lesson  of  these  troublesome  tactics  of  stone-rolling  upon 
an  invading  force,  from  the  goats.  The  monkeys,  again, 
browsing  unsuspected  on  the  acorns  overhead,  affect  a 
sudden  terror  at  your  approach,  and  just  as  you  are 
passing  under  them  the  boughs  above  you  are  swayed 
with  a  mighty  commotion,  and  the  whole  troop  plunges 


1 60  Under  the  Punkah. 

across  over  your  pony's  head,  and  down  the  khud  on  the 
other  side. 

Just  about  half  way  a  curious  incident  occurred. 

I  was  riding  ahead  of  my  wife's  jhampan,  and  turning  a 
corner,  came  upon  a  spot  where  all  the  pine-trees  on  a 
small  plateau  on  the  left  had  been  cut  down,  and  the 
stumps  fired — an  acre  of  desolation,  charred  grass,  and 
blackened  stumps  tipped  with  grey  ashes.  As  I  passed, 
it  seemed  to  me  that  a  stump  moved.  I  looked  at  the 
place,  and,  satisfied  that  I  was  wrong,  was  turning  my 
head  away  again  when,  with  just  the  corner  of  an  eye,  I 
saw  another  stump  distinctly  stir.  The  jhampan  came 
round,  and  I  called  out  to  my  wife.  "  It  is  very  curious, 
but  I  could  swear  I  saw  those  stumps  moving — there  !  " 
Another  stump  had  stirred.  And  while  we  were  both 
staring  at  the  place  the  whole  congregation  of  stumps 
with  one  accord  got  up  and  rushed  from  their  places  and 
lo  !  tails  erect,  a  colony  of  lungoors  vanished  down  the 
khud.  One  or  two  remained  behind,  squatting  on  the 
stumps  or  crouching  among  the  ashes  and  cinders,  and 
though  we  saw  them  take  their  seats,  every  movement 
was  a  surprise  to  us,  for  it  was  only  by  their  movements 
that  you  could  count  their  number.  While  quiet,  they 
were  quite  invisible,  though  only  a  few  yards  off. 

On  the  Ramghar  Road.  There  is  one  piece  of  this 
road  detestable  beyond  measure — a  steep  rag  of  road, 
deep  in  parts,  with  a  fine,  glittering  sand,  and  winding 
up  the  face  of  a  bare,  hot  hill.  But  Nature,  placing 


Sight-seeing.  16 1 

it  where  she  has,  was  for  once  flattering  Art  by  imita- 
tion. For  this  desolate  path  leads  up  to  the  top  of 
the  hill.  And  there  the  splendid  scene,  in  glorious 
contrast  to  its  vile  approach,  bursts  upon  you — an 
unrivalled  view  of  the  Snows.  From  east  to  west,  as 
far  as  the  sky-line  reaches,  the  white  range  stretches, 
huge  peak  by  peak,  with  an  awful  symmetry  of  shape, 
mighty  battlements  that  guard  the  approaches  to  a  land 
of  fable.  And  between  you  and  the  snows  the  whole 
interval  is  filled  with  mountain  tops,  these  nearest 
covered  with  a  splendid  vegetation,  those  farther  melt- 
ing into  strange  phantasms  of  pine  and  mist,  phantom 
trees  growing  out  of  blue  and  purple  clouds.  Do  you 
remember  Satan's  transport  when,  after  the  tedious 
passage  of  Chaos  he,  for  the  first  time,  caught  sight  of  the 
Paradise  abode  of  man? 

From  the  hill  crest  to  the  dak  bungalow  the  road  lies 
through  beautiful  wooded  paths,  the  trees  meeting  over- 
head for  a  mile  together,  all  tapestried  with  moss  and 
carpeted  with  ferns.  The  dak  bungalow  had  before  it 
two  young  deodars,  large  enough  to  sit  under  all  day 
long,  with  a  certainty  of  deep  shade,  and  here  I  added 
to  those  papers  published  in  "  In  my  Indian  Garden," 
and  called  "Under  the  Trees,"  another  for  "  Under  the 
Deodars." 

UNDER  THE  DEODARS. — The  Greeks  called  their  pines 
"wind-haunted  "—what  epithet  would  they,  then,  have 
found  for  the  deodars  ?  Just  as  sea-shells  hold  for  ever 

M 


1 62  Under  the  Punkah. 

and  for  aye  the  sound  of  the  waves,  and  "  remembering 
their  august  abodes  "  murmur  still  of  the  places  they 
have  left — so  the  deodars.  They  let  go  no  sound  of 
zephyr  or  of  storm  that  has  once  passed  them  by. 
Though  the  air  be  so  still  that  the  tiny  down  plucked 
from  her  breast  by  the  preening  dove  falls  straight  to  the 
ground,  yet  the  deodars  are  wind  blown.  There  is  not 
breeze  enough  to  float  the  semul's  silk,  yet  the  deodars 
are  rehearsing  a  storm  !  And  they  set  their  music  to 
every  tune  of  the  spheres.  True  song-smiths — they  have 
caught  the  rhythm  that  runs  through  Nature.  A  thou- 
sand tunes  with  only  one  set  of  words  among  them  all, 
from  the  stately  tropes  of  the  hills,  the  grand  antiphony 
of  sunshine  and  shade,  to  the  lilting  of  two  minnesingers 
among  the  oaks  or  the  tinkling  of  two  blue-bells  down 
below  there  in  the  valley.1 

Listen  to  the  deodars  now,  and  you  may  hear  as  many 
woodland  sounds  as  ever  beset  young  Anodos  with  horrors 
and  delights,  the  multitudinous  voice  of  Nature.  Now, 
it  is  the  sound  of  water:  the  headlong  rush  of  a  great 
river — Gunga  falling  on  to  the  shoulders  of  the  god.  And 
in  the  same  minute,  the  same  river  flowing  steadily  along 
between  bulrush  beds,  full  fed  and  whispering  its  con- 
tent as  it  goes.  Listen  again  !  A  rivulet  is  tumbling 
down  to  the  Kosi ;  but  even  while  you  listen  the  splash 
and  bubble  die  away,  and  among  the  deodars  you  hear 
only  the  steady  patter  of  a  phantom  rain.  Wonderful 
1  I  have  been  reading  Emerson. — P.  R. 


Sight-seeing.  163 

minstrels  truly  !  that  in  one  hour  can  play  you  through 
the  landscapes  of  this  world,  from  the  deep-voiced  sea 
to  the  wind-swept  heath,  from  murmuring  woods  to 
sighing  river  sides  ! 

And  sitting  here,  what  a  stream  of  curious  life  flows 
by  along  the  Almorah  road.  Were  there  ever  such 
family  parties  and  such  impossible  babies  ?  They  sleep 
anywhere.  A  basket  filled  with  brass  pots  would  not 
recommend  itself  to  a  baby  elsewhere  as  a  bed,  but  there 
goes  one,  fast  asleep  on  a  cluster  of  lotahs — and  on  the 
back  of  a  tattoo,  too,  and  going  fast  down  hill !  And 
the  mothers  !  No  wonder  these  hill-women  lose  so  soon 
the  graces  of  their  youth.  Dragging  a  goat  up  hill  by 
its  ears — I  never  understood  before  why  goats'  ears  were 
created  so  long  and  so  soft — is  of  itself  no  trifling  duty 
throughout  a  day's  march,  but  with  a  baby  clinging, 
like  a  limpet,  on  one  hip  and  the  arm  that  encircles  it 
balancing  also  a  basket  full  of  chattels  on  the  head,  it 
must  be  enough  to  age  a  Titan.  The  head  of  the 
family,  a  stalwart  mountaineer,  meanwhile  leads  the 
tattoo,  and  requires  a  staff  in  his  right  hand  to  help  him 
to  do  even  that.  A  mere  scrap  of  a  girl-child  comes 
behind  in  charge  of  five  tattoos — a  heavy  charge  for 
such  a  fragment,  it  seems.  But  the  infant  has  a  system 
of  her  own,  for  whenever  she  comes  up  with  the  last 
tattoo,  she  lets  the  great  staff  which  she  carries  fall 
with  a  crack  on  its  fetlock,  and  the  tattoo  ambles 
ahead  forthwith.  And  when  she  meets  another  drove, 


1 64  Under  tke  Punkah. 

she  scrambles  a  few  feet  up  the  hill  and  leaves  her 
animals  to  make  their  own  arrangements  with  the  aliens. 
The  system  is  simple  enough,  and  saves  her  a  world  of 
worry.  And  such  dogs  !  The  very  shadows  and 
adumbrations  of  the  pariah  of  the  plains.  I  threw  a 
potted-meat  tin — "  potted  shrimps  " — to  one  of  them. 
The  thing  smelt  savoury,  indeed  it  seemed  to  the  poor 
beast  a  glimpse  of  another  world.  And  the  glimpse  was 
enough  to  set  it  a-thinking — a-thinking  what  a  superior 
kind  of  dog  it  might  have  been,  under  a  happier  star. 
And  the  desolate  present  overwhelmed  it,  and  it  lifted 
up  its  voice  and  whimpered  over  the  tin.  You  know  of 
course  why  dogs  howl  at  music  ?  It  is  because  music 
can  speak  to  brutes,  and  at  the  divine  sound  the  dog, 
snatching  as  it  were  a  peep  through  a  door  ajar  of  a  world 
of  beauties  which  it  can  faintly  comprehend  but  may  not 
compass,  falls  to  lamenting.  And  so  my  dog  with  the 
tin.  There  was  enough  of  a  carnal  aroma  about  the 
tin  to  make  ihe  thing  a  joy  and  gladness  to  the  dog,  but 
there  was,  over  and  above  the  meaty  fragrance,  a  some- 
thing, divine  yet  dreadful,  that  filled  the  animal  with 
apprehension.  He  did  not  in  this  disguised  form  recognize 
— how  should  he  ? — the  flavour  of  the  harmless  crusta- 
cean. He  had  never  heard,  poor  beast,  of  a  shrimp 
But  he  leaped  to  his  conclusion  that  the  thing  was  of 
infernal  origin,  some  wile  of  the  evil  one,  too  beauti- 
ful to  be  resigned,  yet  too  dread  for  dalliance.  Unable 
to  tear  himself  away,  he  dared  not  taste.  His  nose  was 


Sight-seeing.  1 6  5 

in  conflict  with  all  his  other  senses.  And  so,  with  ears 
cocked  straight  at  it,  and  eyes  starting  towards  it,  as  you 
may  remember  having  seen  a  terrier  on  guard  over  a 
hedgehog,  the  agitated  dog  sate  by  the  tin,  whimpering 
ever  and  again,  as  the  thought  came  over  him  of  what 
delights  there  must  be  somewhere  in  the  world  for  other 
dogs,  but  not,  alas  !  for  him. 

It  has  been  said  that  "the  power  of  inference  dif- 
ferentiates man  from  the  lower  animals."  I  do  not  know 
who  said  it  first,  but  I  have  it  against  Emerson  that  he 
quotes  it ;  but  whoever  originated  it,  was  at  fault.  For 
man  is  not  differentiated  from  animals  in  that  he  can 
draw  inferences.  Inference  is  the  secret  of  all  that 
suspicion  upon  which  hinge  their  ethics,  morals,  and 
politics,  the  one  weapon  that  gives  them  a  chance  in 
the  struggle  of  existence,  the  birthright  of  every  beast 
and  fowl,  and  through  life  the  one  method  of  his  ar- 
gument, the  one  principle  of  his  action.  Without  the 
gift  of  instant  and  constant  inference  among  animals, 
man  would  inhabit  the  world  alone. 

But  the  deodars.  While  I  have  been  writing,  the  train 
of  travellers  has  curled  round  the  hill,  and  the  road  is 
desolate.  Only  a  hen  left,  to  look  at  all  this  landscape  ! 
And  yet  if  you  mark  it,  "  the  tame  villatic  fowl "  yonder, 
has  an  unwonted  bravery  of  gait.  A  small  thing  will 
puff  up  a  hen.  It  happened  thus  :— On  arriving,  we  had 
found  in  our  provision-basket  half  a  loaf,  too  stale  to  eat, 
and  had  thrown  it  out.  Straightway  the  sparrows  fore- 


1 66  Under  the  Punkah. 

gathered  and  making  the  loaf  their  "  commissariat  go- 
down,"  began  providently  each  to  secret  its  morsel.  Upon 
the  rout  there  suddenly  stepped  round  the  corner  a  fowl — 
this  fowl — and  making  a  great  show  of  caution,  as  if  the 
enterprise  were  one  of  some  hardihood,  made  prey  at 
the  beak's  point,  of  the  entire  half-loaf.  With  the  same 
affectation  of  strategy  she  walked  off  with  it  down  the 
road.  She  has  just  finished  it,  and  is  now  parading 
her  filled  stomach  on  the  high  road,  as  one  who  has 
dined  might  carry  his  white  waistcoat  out  into  the 
street  before  his  tavern.  And  just  as  the  hungry  ones 
have  a  delightful  revenge  of  him  when  a  passing  cart 
splashes  his  waistcoat,  so  I,  waiting  here  for  luncheon, 
delight  in  the  hen's  discomfiture.  She  was  swaggering 
along  the  path,  when  a  sound  above  her  attracted  her 
attention.  Her  hearing  was  perhaps  thickened  by  the 
recent  meal,  and  lightly  satisfied,  she  paced  on,  planting 
her  feet  as  precisely  as  if  there  had  been  some  reason 
for  choosing  each  spot  she  trod  on.  Again  the  noise ! 
She  looked  up.  It  was  only  a  kid  browsing  on  the  bank 
above.  "  Only  one  of  those  kids,"  she  said,  quite  out 
loud,  so  that  I  could  hear  her,  and  resumed  her  stately 
progress.  Alas  for  pride  !  The  next  minute  a  pebble, 
displaced  by  the  kid,  came  trundling  down  the  bank, 
("  only  that  kid,"  said  she,)  and  phud  !  fell  plump  on 
the  middle  of  her.  back !  On  the  instant  her  pride 
collapsed  :  self-respect  even  was  flung  aside :  precipitate 
terror  supervened.  A  flurry  of  feathers  in  a  little  cloud 


Sight-seeing.  167 

of  dust  came  clackering  up  the  path,  and  for  the  rest  of  the 
day  that  fowl  walked  as  if  the  whole  world  was  in  ambush. 
History  records  little  to  the  credit  of  the  hen.  Poets 
avoid  her,  even  Wordsworth,  and  Cowper,  having  once 
referred  to  "  the  domestic  tribe,"  says  nothing  more  of 
her.  Milton  damns  her  with  a  passing  notice,  and 
Keats,  the  great  bard  of  the  birds,  never  mentions  the 
humble  wife  of  chanticleer.  Why,  the  Egyptians  did 
not  even  worship  the  hen !  and  they  went,  as  the  gods 
know,  low  enough  for  things  to  worship.  The  cock,  on 
the  contrary,  has  his  glories  of  the  past  and  present. 
Minerva  and  ^Esculapius  contended  for  the  honour  of 
honouring  him.  Cowper  calls  him  "  the  noblest  of  the 
feathered  kind,"  and  (though  I  do  not  agree  with  Scott  as 
to  his  note  being  "  a  blithe  carol ")  I  agree  in  the  main 
with  the  praises  this  bird  has  garnered. 

Under  the  deodars  nothing  grows.  I  suppose  all  the 
things  want  to  see  the  beautiful  trees  and  so,  just  as  you 
do,  to  have  a  look  at  a  tall  thing,  they  step  back  a  little 
way.  Just  outside  the  circle  of  the  tree  a  crowd  of  blue 
flowers,  as  pretty  as  the  English  speedwell,  stare  all  day 
with  their  round  blue  eyes  at  the  shapely  trees.  And 
in  every  one  of  them  you  may  pick,  you  will  find  nestled 
round  the  centre  a  colony  of  tiny  beetles.  And  yet  we 
speak  of  "little"  flowers,  forgetting  that  each  of  them  is 
a  parish,  and  to  things  of  a  smaller  size  compasses 
Trismegistus'  circle.  And  when  we  further  remark  that 
each  of  those  beetles  that  nestles  round  the  centre  of 


1 68  Under  the  Punkah. 

the  speedwell  blossom  is  itself  a  park  and  pasture  for 
herds  of  parasites,  how  misappropriate  "little"  becomes! 
By  whose  rules  shall  size  be  judged?  The  Aztecs 
builded  cities,  but  a  cat  would  have  been  a  terror  to  an 
Aztec.  The  pigmies  that  once  lived  along  the  Ganges 
had  many  a  stiff  bout  with  the  partridges.  Their  standard 
of  size  does  not  satisfy  us,  nor  would  ours  satisfy  the 
Anakim. 

But  it  is  time  to  go  in,  for — 

"  From  the  neighbouring  vale 
The  cuckoo  straggling  up  to  the  hill  tops 
Shouteth  faint  tidings  of  some  gladder  place," 

and  the  sun  has  dipped  beyond  the  hill.     It  is  time  to 
put  our  belongings  together  and  move  on. 

Our  next  stage  is  Peora.  But  if  I  die  by  the  way,  I 
hope  I  shall  be  buried  by  the  way.  It  would  be  selfish 
to  monopolize  the  deodars,  or  I  would  like  to  be  buried 
here.  Do  you  remember  in  Phantastes  how,  "  They 
buried  me  in  no  graveyard;  they  loved  me  too  much  for 
that ;  but  they  laid  me  in  the  grounds  of  their  own 
castle,  amid  many  trees." 


EASTERN  SMELLS  AND  WESTERN  NOSES. 


|N  his  essay  showing  that  a  certain  nation — con- 
trary to  the  generally  applauded  notion — "  do 
not  stink,"  Sir  Thomas  Browne  uses  with  effect 
the  argument  that  a  mixed  race  cannot  have  a  national 
smell.  Among  a  mongrel  people  he  contends  no  odour 
could  be  "  gentilitious ;"  yet  he  nowhere  denies  the 
possibility,  or  even  impugns  the  probability,  of  a  pure 
people  having  a  popular  smell,  a  scent  in  which  the 
public  should  share  alike,  an  aroma  as  much  common 
property  as  the  National  Anthem,  a  joint-stock  fragrance, 
a  commonwealth  of  odour — a  perfume  with  which  no 
single  inividual  could  selfishly  withdraw,  saying,  "  This  is 
my  own,  my  proper  and  peculiar  flavour,  and  no  man 
may  cry  me  halves  in  it,"  as  Alexander  or  Mahomed 
might  have  done,  who,  unless  history  lies,  were  "  divinely  " 
scented.  Not  that  individual  odours,  as  distinct  from 
those  of  the  species,  have  been  uncommon  in  any  times. 
Many  instances  may  be  found,  if  examples  were  required, 
to  support  "a  postulate  which  has  ever  found  unqualified 
assent." 

"  For  well  I  know,"  cries  Don  Quixote,  "  the  scent  of 
that  lovely  rose  !  and  tell  me,  Sancho,  when  near  her, 


170  Under  the  Punkah. 

thou  must  have  perceived  a  Sabean  odour,  an  aromatic 
fragrance,  a  something  sweet  for  which  I  cannot  find  a 
name — a  scent,  a  perfume — as  if  thou  wert  in  the  shop 
of  some  curious  glover." 

"  All  I  can  say  is,"  quoth  Sancho,  "  that  I  perceived 
somewhat  of  a  strong  smell." 

It  would,  however,  be  pure  knavery  to  argue  from  the 
particular  fragrance  of  Don  Quixote's  lady  that  all  the 
dames  of  La  Mancha  could  appeal  to  the  affections 
through  the  nose.  Equally  dishonest  would  it  be  to 
disperse  Alexander's  scent  over  all  Macedon,  or  with  a 
high  hand  conclude  that  all  Romans  were  "as  unsavoury 
as  Bassa."  On  the  other  hand,  to  argue,  from  the  exist- 
ence of  a  scentless  individual,  the  innocence  of  his 
brethren,  is  to  suppose  that  all  violets  are  dog-violets,  or 
that  the  presence  of  a  snowdrop  deodorizes  the  guilty 
garlic  :  whereas,  in  fact,  the  existence  of  such  an  individual 
enhances  the  universal  fragrance;  as  Kalidasa  says, 
"  one  speck  of  black  shows  more  gloriously  bright  the 
skin  of  Siva's  bull."  If  a  number  of  units  produce  an 
aroma,  it  will  be  hard  to  believe  that  each  is  individually 
inodorous,  in  which  argument  from  probabilities  I  have 
to  a  certain  degree  the  countenance  of  the  Pundits  in 
their  maxim  of  the  Stick  and  the  Cake.  What  is  more 
to  the  point,  we  have  on  the  globe  at  least  one  fragrant 
people,  for  (leaving  Greenlanders  out  of  the  question)  no 
one  denies  that  Africans  are  aromatic.  This  is  no  novel 
suggestion,  but  an  old  antiquity ;  it  is  "  a  point  of  high 


Eastern  Smells  and  Western  Noses.         171 

prescription,  and  a  fact  universally  smelt  out.  If,  therefore, 
one  nation  can  indisputably  claim  a  general  odour,  it  is 
possible  another  may ;  and  much  may  be  found  to 
support  any  one  who  will  say  that  in  this  direction  "  warm 
India's  suppled-bodied  sons "  may  claim  equality  of 
natural  adornment  with  "the  musky  daughter  of  the 
Nile."  If  it  were  not  for  the  blubber-feeding  Greenlanders, 
I  might  contend  that  "  it  is  all  the  fault  of  that 
confounded  sun,"  for  heat  expresses  odour  elsewhere  than 
in  Asia  and  Africa,  and  I  can  keep  within  "  Trismegistus 
his  circle"  and  "  need  not  to  pitch  beyond  ubiquity " 
when  I  cite  Pandemonium  as  an  instance  of  unity  of 
smell  in  a  large  population.  We  read  in  Byron's  "  Vision 
of  Judgment"  that  at  the  sound  of  Pye's  heroics  the  whole 
assembly  sprang  off  with  a  melodious  twang  and  a  variety 
of  scents,  some  sulphureous,  some  ambrosial ;  and  that 
the  sulphureous  individuals  all  fled  one  way  gibbering  to 
their  own  dominions,  that  odorous  Principality  of  the 
Damned  whither  in  old  times  the  handsome  minstrel 
went  in  quest  of  his  wife.  That  the  infernal  fraternity  is 
uni-odorous  we  know,  on  the  authority  of  the  immortal 
Manchegan  Squire,  who  says  :  "  This  devil  is  as  plump 
as  a  partridge,  and  has  another  property  very  different 
from  what  you  devils  are  wont  to  have,  for  it  is  said  they 
all  smell  of  brimstone,"  that  is,  like  the  Vienna  matches 
ohne  phosphor-geruch — that  Wendell  Holmes  hates  so 
honestly. 

To  return  to  India ;  it  is  very  certain  that   a  single 


i/2  Under  the  Punkah. 

Hindoo  is  not  always  perceptibly  fragrant,  yet  it  is  equally 
certain  that  if,  when  a  dozen  are  together,  an  average 
be  struck,  each  individual  of  the  party  must  be  credited 
with  a  considerable  amount.  In  any  gathering  of 
Orientals  the  Western  stranger  is  instantly  aware  of  a 
circumambient  aroma ;  he  becomes  conscious  of  a  new 
and  powerful  perfume ;  a  curious  je  ne  sais  quoi  scent 
which  may,  possibly,  like  attar  of  roses,  require  only  end- 
less dilution  and  an  acquired  taste  to  become  pleasant, 
but  which  certainly  requires  dilution  for  the  novice.  No 
particular  person  or  member  of  the  public  seems  to  be 
odorous  beyond  his  fellows,  but  put  three  together,  and 
they  might  be  300.  Perhaps  this  is  produced  by  sym- 
pathy, by  some  magnetic  relation  between  like  and  like, 
the  result  of  natural  affinities.  It  may  be  that  each 
Hindoo  is  flint  to  the  other's  steel,  and  that  more 
than  one  is  requisite  for  the  combustion  of  the  aromatic 
particles ;  and  that,  as  evening  draws  the  perfume  from 
flowers,  and  excitement  the  "  bouquet  "  from  a  musk-rat, 
contiguity  and  congregation  are  required  for  the  proper 
expression  of  the  fragrance  of  Orientals.  Cases  of  indi- 
viduals innocent  of  all  savour  carry  therefore  no  weight, 
unless  to  those  who  believe  that  all  asses  can  speak 
because  Balaam's  quadruped  was  casually  gifted  with 
articulate  utterance,  or  that  fish  as  a  rule  possess  stentorian 
lungs  because  Mr.  Briggs  once  caught  a  pike  that  barked. 
A  notable  point  about  this  Eastern  savour  is  that  though 
it  approaches  many  others,  it  exactly  resembles  none. 


Eastern  Smells  and  Western  Noses.         \  7  3 

Like  Elia's  burnt  pig,  it  doesn't  smell  of  burnt  cottage, 
nor  yet  of  any  known  herb,  weed,  or  flower.  Though 
unique,  its  entity  is  intertwisted  with  a  host  of  phantom 
entities,  as  a  face  seen  in  a  passing  train,  instantly 
recognized  but  never  brought  home  to  any  one  person 
from  its  partial  resemblance  to  a  hundred  ;  and  they  say 
that  no  number  of  qualified  truths  can  ever  make  up 
an  absolute  verity.  By  smelling  a  musk-rat  through 
a  bunch  of  garlic  an  idea  of  it  may  be  arrived  at,  but 
hardly  more;  for  the  conflicting  odours  hamper  the 
judgment  by  distracting  the  nostrils,  keeping  it  hover- 
ing in  acute  uncertainty  between  the  components 
without  allowing  it  to  settle  on  the  aggregate — "  so 
blended  and  running  into  each  other,  that  both  together 
make  but  one  ambrosial  result  or  common  substance." 
This  seems  to  be  affected  not  by  an  actual  confusion  of 
matters,  but  by  parallel  existence ;  rather  by  the  nice 
exactitude  of  balance  than  mutual  absorption ;  not  so 
much  by  a  mingled  unity,  as  from  our  impotence  to 
unravel  the  main  threads,  to  single  out  any  one  streak  of 
colour.  It  is  like  a  nobody's  child,  a  Ginx's  baby,  with 
a  whole  parish  for  parents  ;  or  one  of  those  puddings 
which  at  every  mouthful  might  be  sworn  to  change  its 
taste,  and  which  when  finished  leaves  one  indelible  but 
impalpable  fragrance  on  the  memory  of  the  palate,  that 
may  be  called  up  by  every  passing  odour,  but  is  never 
in  its  composite  singularity  again  encountered.  It  is  a 
Lost  Chord. 


1 74  Under  the  Punkah. 

In  the  West  no  such  community  of  fragrance  obtains, 
and  the  great  Science  of  Perfume,  though  exquisitely 
perfected  in  certain  details,  does  not  command  as  in  the 
East  the  attention  of  the  masses.  With  us  it  is  the 
exception  to  use  "  scent,"  but  with  them  the  singular 
person  is  the  scentless  one.  The  nose  nevertheless  plays 
an  important  part  even  in  Europe,  and  it  is  well  therefore 
that  this  feature  has  at  last  found  one  courageous  apostle. 

Dr  Jager,  a  Professor  of  Stuttgart,  has,  after  most 
patient  experiments  with  his  own  nose,  proved  it  to  be 
the  seat  of  his  soul.  Simply  with  the  nose  on  his  face 
the  learned  Professor  is  enabled,  eyes  shut  and  ears 
stopped,  to  discriminate  the  character  of  any  stranger  he 
may  meet,  or  even  that  he  has  passed  in  the  street.  He 
can,  then,  by  merely  putting  his  nose  to  the  key-hole,  tell 
what  the  people  on  the  other  side  of  the  door  are  doing ; 
and,  more  than  this,  what  they  have  just  been  doing,  can 
assure  himself  whether  they  are  young  or  old,  married  or 
single,  and  whether  they  are  happy  or  the  reverse.  Pro- 
ceeding upon  the  knowledge  thus  acquired  by  a  process 
which  we  may  call  successful  diagnosis,  the  Professor 
argues,  in  a  lecture  which  he  has  given  to  the  world  on 
this  fascinating  subject,  that  if  different  scents  express 
different  traits  of  character,  each  trait  in  turn  can  be 
separately  affected  by  a  particular  scent,  and  his  experi- 
ments, he  gravely  assures  us,  prove  him  here  as  right  as 
before.  For  not  only  can  Dr.  Jager  smell,  for  instance, 
bad  temper,  or  a  tendency  to  procrastination,  in  any 


Eastern  Smells  and  Western  Noses.         175 

individual,  but  by  emitting  the  ^ counteracting  antidote 
odour,  he  can  smooth  the  frown  into  a  smile,  and 
electrify  the  sluggard  into  despatch.  Yet  Dr.  Jager  does 
not  claim  to  possess  within  himself,  his  own  actual  body, 
more  perfumes  than  any  of  his  neighbours.  He  does 
not  arrogate  to  himself  any  special  odours,  as  did  Mo- 
hamet and  Alexander  the  Great,  or  ask  to  divide  honours 
with  the  civet-cat  or  musk-deer.  There  is  no  insolent 
assumption  of  this  kind  about  the  Professor,  no  un- 
natural straining  after  the  possession  of  extraordinary 
attributes.  He  merely  claims  to  have  discovered  by 
chemical  research  certain  preparations  which,  when  vo- 
latilized, produce  certain  results  upon  the  nostrils.  There 
is  no  o'er- vaulting  ambition  in  this.  The  merest  tyro  can 
compass  as  much  with  a  very  few  ingredients ;  and,  as  a 
matter  of  fact,  any  boy  of  average,  or  even  the  meanest, 
capacity  can,  by  a  courageous  combination  of  the  con- 
tents of  his  chemical  chest,  produce  such  effluvia  as  shall 
at  once,  and  violently,  affect  the  nostrils  of  the  whole 
household,  not  excluding  the  girl  in  the  scullery  or  the 
cat  on  the  nursery  hearthrug.  But  the  boy's  results  are 
miscellaneous  and  fortuitous.  He  blunders  upon  a  smell 
of  extraordinary  volume  and  force  by,  it  may  be,  the 
merest  accident,  and  quite  unintentionally,  therefore,  lets 
loose  upon  himself  the  collective  wrath  of  his  family  circle. 
Dr.  Jager,  however,  has  brought  the  whole  gamut  of  smells 
under  his  own  control ;  and  so,  by  letting  out  from  his 
pocket  any  one  he  chooses,  he  can  at  once  dissolve  an 


176  Under  the  Punkah. 

assembly  in  tears  or  make  every  face  in  it  ripple  with 
smiles.  The  great  secret  of  composition  once  attained, 
care  in  uncorking  is  all  that  is  demanded,  and  the  Pro- 
fessor, with  his  pocket  full  of  little  booties,  can  move 
about  unsuspected  among  his  kind ;  and,  by  his  judicious 
emission  of  various  smells  as  he  goes  along,  can  tran- 
quillize a  frantic  mob,  or  set  the  passing  funeral  giggling, 
or  a  punch-and-judy  audience  sobbing. 

Hitherto  the  nose  has  been  held,  as  compared  with  the 
other  organs  of  sense,  in  very  slight  account  indeed.  It 
has  always  been  looked  upon  as  the  shabby  feature  of 
the  face,  and,  in  public  society,  has  been  spoken  of  [with 
an  apology  for  mentioning  it.  Many  attempts  have  been 
made  to  render  it  respectable,  but  the  best-intentioned 
efforts  of  philosophers  have  been  thwarted  by  the  ex- 
tremes to  which  their  theories  have  been  pushed  by  the 
longer-nosed  individuals  of  the  public.  The  nose  may 
be  really  an  index  of  character,  but  the  amount  of  nose 
does  not  necessarily  imply,  as  some  people  contend,  a 
corresponding  pre-eminence  of  genius  or  virtue.  Many 
great  and  good  men  have  had  quite  indifferent  noses, 
while  the  length  of  the  proboscis  of  more  than  one  hero 
of  the  Chamber  of  Horrors  is  remarkable.  The  feeling 
against  this  feature  has,  therefore,  been  irritated  rather 
than  soothed  by  the  well-meant  efforts  of  theorists. 
When  the  urchin,  innocent  of  art,  wishes,  with  his  simple 
chalk,  to  caricature  the  householder  upon  his  gate-post 
or  garden-door,  he  finds  in  the  nose  the  most  suitable 


Eastern  Smells  and  Western  Noses.         177 

object  for  his  unskilled  derision.  Grown  up,  the  same 
urchin,  exasperated  with  his  neighbour,  seizes  him  by  the 
nose.  This  ill-feeling  against  the  feature  admits  of  little 
explanation,  for  it  seems  altogether  unreasonable  and 
deplorable.  It  is  true  that  the  nose  takes  up  a  com- 
manding position  on  the  face,  and  does  not  altogether 
fulfil  the  expectations  naturally  formed  of  so  prominent 
a  member.  Vagrant  specks  of  soot  settle  upon  it  and 
make  it  ridiculous.  An  east  wind  covers  the  nose  with 
absurdity.  It  is  a  fierce  light  that  beats  upon  a  throne, 
and  the  nose,  before  assuming  a  central  place,  should 
perhaps,  remarking  the  fact,  have  been  better  prepared  to 
maintain  its  own  dignity.  But  beyond  this,  impartial 
criticism  cannot  blame  the  feature.  On  the  other  hand, 
much  can  be  said  in  its  favour,  and  if  Dr.  Jager  is  right, 
a  great  future  lies  before  the  nose.  Lest  it  should  be 
thought  I  exaggerate  the  importance  of  Dr.  Jager's  dis- 
coveries, I  give  the  learned  Professor's  own  words. 
"  Puzzled  as  to  the  meaning  of  the  word  '  soul ' "  says  he, 
"  I  set  myself  to  inquire,  and  my  researches  have  assured 
me  that  the  seat  of  the  immortal  part  of  man  is  in  his  nose. 
All  the  mind  affections  are  relative  to  the  nasal  sensations. 
I  have  found  this  out  by  observing  the  habits  of  animals 
in  the  menagerie,  and  finding  how  exquisite  was  their 
sense  of  smell,  I  conceived  my  great  idea,  and  ex- 
periment has  proved  me  right.  So  perfect  can  the 
perceptions  by  the  nose  become  that  I  can  discover  even 
the  mental  conditions  of  those  around  me  by  smelling 

N 


178  Under  the  Punkah. 

them,  and,  more  than  this,  I  can,  by  going  into  a  room, 
tell  at  once  by  sniffing  whether  those  who  were  last  in  it 
were  sad  or  mirthful.  Aroma,  is  in  fact,  the  essence  of 
the  soul,  and  every  flavour  emitted  by  the  body  represents 
a  corresponding  emotion  of  the  soul.  Happiness  finds 
expression  in  a  mirthful  perfume,  sorrow  in  a  doleful  one. 
Does  not  a  hungry  man  on  smelling  a  joint  of  meat 
at  once  rejoice  ?  I  myself  have  been  so  overcome  by  the 
scent  of  a  favourite  fruit  that,  under  an  uncontrollable 
impulse,  I  have  fallen  upon  them  and  devoured  the 
whole  plateful!  so  powerful  is  the  sense  of  smell."  To 
present  the  different  perfumes  accurately  and  easily  to  the 
eye,  the  Professor,  when  first  delivering  his  lecture,  drew 
upon  a  black-board  a  number  of  diagrams  showing  the 
various  curves  taken  by  the  scent  atoms  when  striking 
upon  the  soul-nerves,  and  explained  briefly  certain  instru- 
ments he  had  constructed  for  registering  the  wave  motion 
of  smells,  and  the  relative  force  with  which  they  im- 
pinged upon  the  nose  of  his  soul  or  the  soul  of  his  nose. 
The  audience  meanwhile  had  become  restless  and 
agitated,  and  the  Professor  therefore  hurried  on  to  the 
second  section  of  his  discoveries — those  for  counteract- 
ing the  passions  detected  by  the  nose.  "  I  have  here," 
he  said,  "  a  smell-murdering  essence,  which  I  have  dis- 
covered and  christened  Ozogene,  and  with  which  I  can 
soothe  the  angry  man  to  mildness  or  infuriate  a  quaker." 
But  the  audience,  such  is  the  bigoted  antipathy  to  the 
exaltation  of  the  nose,  would  not  stand  this  on  any 


Eastern  Smells  and  Western  Noses.         179 

account,  and  the  Professor,  in  obedience  to  the  clamour, 
had  to  resume  his  seat. 

Dr.  Jager  did  not,  therefore,  secure  a  patient  hearing, 
but  he  should  remember  how  at  all  times  the  first 
apostles  of  truth  have  been  received,  and  live  content 
to  know  that  posterity  will  gravely  honour  his  memory, 
though  contemporary  man  makes  fan  of  his  discoveries. 
Indeed,  posterity  will  have  good  cause  to  honour  the 
great  man  who  shall  thus  have  banished  from  among 
them  strife  and  anger.  The  Riot  Act  will  never  have  to 
be  read  to  an  excited  populace,  since  a  squirt  of  perfume 
will  suffice  to  allay  their  fury.  The  comic  lecturer  or 
charity-sermon  preacher  may  assure  themselves  of  the 
sympathy  of  their  audiences,  quite  apart  from  the  matter 
of  their  discourse.  Science  will  have  new  fields  opened 
to  it,  and  humanity  take  a  new  lease  of  its  pleasures. 
The  nose,  hitherto  held  of  little  more  account  than  the 
chin,  will  supersede  all  the  other  features,  and,  like 
Cinderella,  rise  from  the  kitchen  ashes  to  palace  digni- 
ties, developing  under  the  Darwinian  theory,  into  pro- 
boscidian dimensions  of  extraordinary  acuteness.  The 
policeman  will  need  no  evidence  but  that  of  his  nose  to 
detect  the  thief,  actual  or  potential,  and  the  judge,  un- 
hampered by  jury,  counsel,  or  witnesses,  will  summarily 
dispense  a  nasal  justice.  Diplomacy  will  be  purged  of 
its  obscurities,  and  statesmen  live  in  a  perpetual  Palace  of 
Truth.  Conscious  of  each  other's  detective  organs,  men 
will  speak  of  their  fellows  honestly,  and  hypocrisy  will 

N    2 


1 80  Under  the  Punkah. 

cease  from  society.  How  will  war  or  crime  be  able  to 
thrive  when  the  first  symptom  of  ill-temper  in  a  Sovereign 
or  of  ambition  in  a  Minister  can  be  quenched  at  the  will 
of  any  individual  ratepayer  ?  And  thus  a  universal  peace 
will  settle  upon  a  sniffing  world. 


GAMINS. 


no  doubt  is  a  great  science, 
but  still  it  is  merely  an  infant  —  a  monster  baby, 
I  confess,  but  scarcely  past  the  age  at  which 
Charles  Lamb  liked  sucking-pigs  and  chimney-sweeps. 
Toddles  and  Poddies,  as  readers  of  Dickens  will  remem- 
ber, used  to  go  on  buccaneering  expeditions,  but  they 
were  only  across  the  kitchen-floor,  and  often  ended  in 
the  fireplace.  Anthropology  in  the  same  way  makes  only 
short  excursions,  and  these  even  are  not  always  marked 
by  judgment  in  direction.  At  any  rate,  there  can  be 
no  doubt  that  anthropology  has  not  as  yet  paid  any 
consideration  to  the  great  co-ordinate  science  of 
"  lollipopology  "  of  which  one  sub-section  concerns  itself 
with  the  phenomena  of  "gamins." 

This  subject  has  perhaps  been  touched  upon  in 
ephemeral  literature,  but  it  was  a  mere  flirtation,  a 
flippant  butterfly  kind  of  settling.  The  intentions  were 
not  matrimonial  ;  there  was  no  talk  of  taking  the  house 
on  a  lease.  And  yet  the  subject  of  gamin  distribution  is 
worthy  investigation.  Why  are  there  no  gamins  in  India, 
with  their  street  affronts  and  trivial  triumphs  ?  Pariah 


1 82  Under  the  Punkah. 

dogs  are  scarcely  an  equivalent  for  these  unkempt  mor- 
sels of  barbarism,  these  little  Ishmaels  of  our  cities. 
What  is  the  reason,  then,  for  their  absence  ?  Can  it  be 
too  hot  to  turn  three  wheels  a  penny  ?  Surely  not ; 
for  dust  is  a  bad  conductor  of  heat,  and  what  gamin 
is  there — pure-minded,  a  gamin  nomine  dignus — that 
would  not  rather  turn  thirty  somersaults  in  a  dust-bin 
than  three  on  a  pavement  ?  Why,  my  "  compound :)  l 
alone  would  tempt  to  an  eternity  of  tumbling.  And  yet 
no  Hindoo  of  my  acquaintance  has  even  offered  to  stand 
on  his  head !  Can  it  be  that  there  is  no  ready  means 
of  causing  annoyance  ?  What !  Is  there  not  that  same 
dust  ?  Would  not  any  gamin,  unless  lost  to  all  sense  of 
emulation  and  self-respect,  rejoice  in  kicking  up  dust  if 
he  saw  the  remotest  glimpse  of  even  the  chance  of 
molesting  anybody  ?  Again,  why  do  not  little  Hindoos 
throw  stones  about  ?  Because  there  is  nothing  to  throw 
at  ?  Hah  !  Put  one  vulture  down  in  Islington,  and  mark 
the  instant  result.  Nothing  to  throw  at  ?  Mehercule  ! 
Any  member  of  a  large  family  will  remember  the  tumul- 
tuous uprising  and  stair-shaking  exit  of  the  junior  olive- 
twigs  if  even  a  wagtail  came  into  the  garden.  A  cat  on 
the  lawn  was  convulsions.  Imagine,  then,  those  same  im- 
petuous juniors  surrounded  by  blue  jays,  bee-eaters,  and 
grey  squirrels  !  And  yet  the  young  Hindoo  sees  an  easy 
mark  for  any  of  the  stones  lying  at  his  feet,  and  passes  on. 

1  A  word  of  vexed  derivation,  but  meaning  in  India  (and  Batavia,  I 
believe)the  precincts  of  a  dwelling-house;  "premises  "in  fact. — P.  R. 


Gamins.  183 

Perhaps  it  is  something  in  the  shape  of  the  stones  ?  The 
argument  is  plausible,  for  Indian  stones,  it  is  true,  are  of 
hideous  shapes,  angular  and  unprovocative.  The  fingers 
do  not  itch  to  throw  them.  But  European  gamins  will 
throw  brick  in  scraggy  and  uncompromising  sections, 
tvfarfatif&nd  volcanic  in  appearance,  at,  when  other 
targets  fail,  a  kerbstone.  A  London  gamin  would  heave 
his  grandmother,  if  he  could,  at  a  mongoose.  Are 
Hindoos  forbidden  to  throw  stones?  Perhaps  they 
may  be,  but  imagine  forbidding  a  gamin  to  throw 
stones  or  forbidding  a  gamin  to  do  anything !  When 
England  sells  Gibraltar,  it  will  be  time  to  think  of  that ; 
or  when,  as  Wendell  Holmes  says,  strawberries  grow 
bigger  downward  through  the  basket.  It  is  evident,  then, 
that  none  of  these  are  the  right  reasons,  so  it  only  re- 
mains to  conclude  that  Hindoos  were  not  "  designed  " 
in  the  beginning  for  gamins.  Boys,  they  say,  are  the 
natural  enemies  of  creation,  but  Young  India  contra- 
dicts this  flat.  "  Boys  will  be  boys  "  has  stood  most 
of  us  in  good  stead  when  brought  red-handed  before  the 
tribune ;  yet  young  India  needs  no  excusings  for  mis- 
chief. He  never  does  any.  He  has  all  the  virtues  of 
his  elders,  and  none  of  their  vices,  for  he  positively  pre- 
fers to  behave  properly. 

Perhaps  as  a  last  resource  the  absence  of  gamins  in 
India  might  be  accepted  as  a  key  to  the  theory  of 
climates,  for  we  know  that  Nature  never  wastes.  Nature 
is  pre-eminently  economical.  What,  then,  would  have 


1 84  Under  the  Punkah. 

been  the  use  of  giving  Bengal  ice  and  snow,  since  there  are 
no  gamins  to  throw  it  about,  or  to  make  slides  on  pave- 
ments ? 

In  England  the  small  boy  begins  to  throw  stones  as 
soon  as  he  can  crawl  to  one,  and  continues  to  do  so 
until  he  takes  to  gloves,  or  is  taken  up  by  the  police ; 
and  there  are  tolerable  reasons  why  he  should  thus 
indulge  himself.  Take,  for  instance,  the  case  of  a  pass- 
ing train.  The  boys  see  the  train  coming,  and  a  lively 
interest  is  at  once  aroused  in  its  approach;  the  best 
places  on  the  bridge  are  scrambled  for,  and  the  smaller 
children,  who  cannot  climb  up  for  themselves,  are  hoisted 
on  to  the  parapet  and  balanced  across  it  on  their 
stomachs  "  to  see  the  train  pass."  As  it  comes  puffing 
and  steaming  up,  the  interest  rises  into  excitement,  and 
then,  as  the  engine  plunges  under  the  bridge,  boils 
over  in  enthusiasm.  How  are  they  to  express  this  emo- 
tion in  the  few  seconds  at  their  disposal  ?  They  must 
be  very  quick,  for  the  carriages  are  slipping  rapidly  past 
one  after  the  other.  It  is  of  no  use  shouting,  for  the  train 
makes  more  noise  than  they,  and  they,  unfortunately, 
have  no  handkerchiefs  to  wave.  But  the  crisis  is  acute, 
and  something  has  to  be  done,  and  that  promptly. 
There  is  no  time  to  waste  in  reflection,  or  the  train  will 
be  gone,  and  the  sudden  solitude  that  will  follow  will 
be  embittered  to  them  by  the  consciousness  of  golden 
opportunities  lost  for  ever.  They  wave  their  arms  like 
wild  semaphores,  scream  inarticulately,  and  dance  up 


Gamins.  185 

and  down,  but  all  this  is  manifestly  inadequate.  It  does 
not  rise  to  the  occasion,  and  they  feel  that  it  does  not. 
The  moment  of  tumult,  with  the  bridge  shaking  under 
them,  the  dense  white  steam-clouds  rushing  up  at  them, 
and  the  roar  of  the  train  in  their  ears,  demands  a  higher 
expression  of  their  homage,  a  more  glorious  tribute  from 
their  energy.  Looking  round  in  despair,  they  see  some 
stones.  To  grab  them  up  in  handfuls  is  the  work  of  an 
instant,  and  in  the  next  the  missiles  are  on  their  way. 
After  all,  the  moment  had  been  almost  lost,  for  the 
guard's  van  was  just  emerging  from  under  the  bridge, 
as  the  pebbles  came  hurtling  along  after  the  speeding 
train ;  but  the  youngsters  rejoice,  and  go  home  gladdened 
that  they  did  not  throw  in  vain,  for  the  guard,  hearing 
the  pattering  upon  the  roof,  looked  out  to  see  what  was 
the  matter  and  shook  his  fist  at  them,  and  the  boys  feel 
that  they  have  done  their  best  to  celebrate  the  event, 
that  their  sacrifice  has  been  accepted,  and  that  they  have 
not  lived  and  loved  in  vain.  For  it  is,  undoubtedly,  a 
sacrifice  that  they  offer ;  a  sacrifice  to  emotions  highly 
wrought,  to  an  ecstasy  of  enthusiasm  suddenly  over- 
whelming them  and  as  suddenly  departing,  to  the  ma- 
jesty of  the  train  and  its  tumultuous  passage. 

Boys  do  not,  it  will  be  noticed,  throw  stones  at  pass- 
ing wheelbarrows  or  at  perambulators,  or  even  at  cabs. 
Neither  the  one  nor  the  other  excites  sufficiently.  They 
belong  more  to  their  own  sphere  and  their  own  level  in 
life,  are  viewed  subjectively,  and  seem  too  commonplace 


1 86  Under  the  Punkah. 

for  extraordinary  attentions.  The  train  and  the  steam- 
boat, however,  are  abstract  ideas,  absorbing  the  human 
beings  they  carry  into  their  own  gigantic  entity,  so  far 
removed  from  the  boys'  own  lives  that  they  do  not  fall 
within  the  pale  of  ordinary  ethics,  and  have  to  be  viewed 
from  a  higher  objective  platform.  Besides,  the  driver 
and  guards  of  the  train,  being  in  a  hurry,  have  no  time 
to  get  down  and  catch  the  pelters,  and  therefore  it  is 
safe  to  pelt — so  the  boys  think. 

Whether  magistrates  have  ever  studied,  or  should 
study,  the  matter  from  any  other  than  a  police-court 
point  of  view  I  should  hesitate  to  affirm.  But  in  the 
ordinary  cases  where  lads  fling  pebbles  at  a  steam- 
boat or  train,  their  parents  are  fined,  with  the  option 
of  the  culprits  going  to  prison,  and  as  the  parents  no 
doubt  always  give  the  urchins  their  full  money's-worth 
in  retribution,  justice  is  probably  dealt  out  all  round 
fairly  enough.  The  boys,  it  generally  appears,  hit  "an 
elderly  passenger  "  with  one  of  the  stones  which  they 
throw,  and  there  matters  culminate,  as  the  original  act 
of  stone-throwing,  had  the  missiles  struck  no  one,  might 
have  passed  by  as  a  surviving  remnant  of  some  old 
pagan  ceremony. 

Indeed,  from  the  very  first,  the  youngsters  have  had 
bad  examples  before  them  ;  and  if  in  such  matters  we 
are  to  go  back  to  the  original  offenders,  we  must  confess 
that  Deucalion  and  his  wife  have  much  to  answer  for. 
Their  descendants  have  been  throwing  stones  ever  since ; 


Gamins.  1 87 

and,  whether  in  fun  or  in  earnest,  in  the  execution  of 
criminal  sentences  or  the  performance  of  religious  rites, 
men  have  never  given  over  pelting  each  other.  What- 
ever part  of  the  world  we  go  into,  we  find  it  is  the  same ; 
for  in  the  wilds  of  America  the  Red  Indian  shies  flints 
at  his  spirit  stones ;  all  over  Europe  the  devil  is  exorcised 
with  stones  ;  and  in  Asia,  whether  it  is  the  Arab  pelting 
the  Evil  One  from  the  sacred  precincts  of  the  Holy 
City  or  the  Hindoo  dropping  pebbles  into  the  valleys  of 
enchantment,  a  similar  tendency  in  race  prevails. 

As  an  instance  of  the  innocent  view  taken  of  the 
practice  by  a  distinguished  Englishman,  De  Quincey, 
I  would  quote  the  incident  of  his  meeting  the  king  in 
Windsor  Park.  De  Quincey  was  then  a  lad,  and,  walking 
with  a  young  friend,  was,  he  tells  us,  "  theorizing  and 
practically  commenting  on  the  art  of  chucking  stones. 
Boys,"  he  continues,  "  have  a  peculiar  contempt  for 
female  attempts  in  that  way.  For,  besides  that  girls 
fling  wide  of  the  mark,  with  a  certainty  that  might  have 
won  the  applause  of  Galerius,2  there  is  a  peculiar  sling 
and  rotary  motion  of  the  arm  in  launching  a  stone, 
which  no  girl  ever  can  attain.  From  ancient  practice  " 
(note  this)  "  I  was  somewhat  of  a  proficient  in  this  art, 
and  was  discussing  the  philosophy  of  female  failures, 

2  "  Sir,"  said  that  emperor  to  a  soldier  who  had  missed  the  target 
in  succession  I  know  not  how  many  times  (suppose  we  say  fifteen), 
''  allow  me  to  offer  my  congratulations  on  the  truly  admirable  skill 
you  have  shown  in  keeping  clear  of  the  mark.  Not  to  have  hit  once 
in  so  many  trials,  argues  the  most  splendid  talents  for  missing." 


1 88  Under  the  Punkah. 

illustrating  my  doctrine  with  pebbles,  as  the  case  happened 
to  demand,  when — "  he  met  the  king,  and  the  narrative 
diverges  from  the  subject. 

Nor  is  stone-throwing  without  some  dignity  in  its 
traditions,  for  it  has  happened  probably  to  many  of  us 
ourselves,  and  it  has  certainly  been  a  custom  from  time 
immemorial,  to  take  augury  more  or  less  momentous 
from  this  act,  and  make  oracles  of  our  pebbles.  Among 
the  many  cases  of  this  species  of  divination  on  record, 
none  is  more  notable  than  that  of  Rousseau's,  where  he 
put  the  tremendous  issues  of  his  future  state  to  the  test 
of  stone-throwing.  "  One  day,"  says  he,  "  I  was  ponder- 
ing over  the  condition  of  my  soul  and  the  chances  of 
future  salvation  or  the  reverse,  and  all  the  while 
mechanically,  as  it  were,  throwing  stones  at  the  trunks 
of  the  trees  I  passed,  and  with  all  my  customary  dexterity, 
— or  in  other  words  never  hitting  one  of  them.  All  of 
a  sudden  the  idea  flashed  into  my  mind  that  I  would 
take  an  augury,  and  thus,  if  possible,  relieve  my  mental 
anxiety.  I  said  to  myself,  I  will  throw  this  stone  at 
that  tree  opposite.  If  I  hit  it,  I  am  to  be  saved ;  if  I 
miss  it,  I  am  to  be  damned  eternally  ! "  And  he  threw 
the  stone,  and  hit  it  plumb  in  the  middle, — "ce  qui 
veritablement  n'etait  pas  difficile;  car  j'avais  eu  soin  de 
choisir  un  arbre  fort  gros  et  fort  pres." 

It  is  very  possible,  moreover,  that  the  English  boy 
throws  stones  from  hereditary  instinct ;  that  he  bombards 
the  passing  locomotives  even  as  in  primeval  forests  the 


Gamins.  1 89 

ancestral  ape  "  shelled  "  with  the  cocoanuts  of  his  native 
forests  the  passing  herds  of  bison.  It  would  therefore 
be  rash,  without  research  into  the  lore  of  stone-throwing, 
and  a  better  knowledge  of  the  Stone  Age,  to  say  that 
the  urchin  who  takes  a  "  cockshy  "  at  a  steamboat  does 
so  purely  from  criminal  instinct ;  for  it  is  repeatedly  in 
evidence  that  he  takes  no  aim  with  his  missile  at  all, 
but  simply  launches  it  into  space,  and,  generous  and 
trustful  as  childhood  always  is,  casts  his  pebbles  upon 
the  waters  in  hopes  of  pleasant  though  fortuitous  re- 
sults. 

Again,  as  I  have  already  said,  there  is  often  no  mali- 
cious motive.  To  pelt  the  loquacious  frog  is,  in  my 
opinion,  a  cruel  act,  but  the  criminality  lessens,  at  least 
to  my  thinking,  if  the  same  stone  be  thrown  at  a  hippo- 
potamus. Similarly,  we  might  recognize  a  difference 
between  flinging  half  a  brick  at  an  individual  stranger 
and  throwing  it  at  a  mass-meeting  or  at  a  nation,  or  at 
All  the  Russias ;  while,  if  a  boy  threw  stones  at  the 
Channel  Squadron,  he  would  be  simply  absurd,  and  his 
criminality  would  cease  altogether.  Where,  then,  should 
the  line  be  drawn?  The  boy  would  rather  pelt  an 
ironclad  than  a  penny  steamboat,  for  it  is  a  larger  and 
nobler  object  to  aim  at;  but,  though  he  could  do 
H.M.S.  Devastation  no  harm,  the:  police  could  hardly 
be  expected  to  overlook  his  conduct.  Stone-throwing 
has  therefore  come  to  be  considered  wrong  in  itself,  just 
as  the  other  day  a  wretched  old  bear  found  dancing  for 


190  Under  the  Punkah. 

hire  in  the  streets  was  astonished  to  learn  from  the 
polke  magistrate  that  bears  are  not  permitted  to  dance 
in  England.  What  his  hind  legs  were  given  him  for 
the  quadruped  will  now  be  puzzled  to  guess,  and  in  the 
same  way  the  boy,  finding  he  must  not  throw  them,  will 
wonder  what  stones  were  made  for. 

A  very  small  cause,  indeed,  may  have  immense  effects ; 
and  this  holds  good  with  national  character  as  well  as 
with  natural  phenomena,  A  little  stone  set  rolling  from 
the  top  of  the  Andes  might  spread  ruin  far  and  wide 
through  the  valleys  at  their  feet,  and  the  accident  of  Esau 
being  a  good  marksman  has  left  the  Arabs  wanderers  and 
desert  folk  to  the  present  day.  The  English  character 
has  itself  been  formed  by  an  aggregation  of  small  causes 
working  together,  and  it  will  perhaps  be  found  that  one 
of  the  most  important  of  them  was  the  abundance  of 
stones  that  lie  about  the  surface  of  the  ground  in  England. 
In  India  the  traveller  may  go  a  thousand  miles  in  a 
steught  Kne,  and  except  where  he  crosses  rivers,  will  not 
find  anything  on  the  ground  which  he  can  pick  up  and 
throw.  The  Bengali,  therefore,  cannot  throw,  and  never 
could,  for  he  has  never  had  anything  to  practise  with  ; 
and  what  is  his  character?  Is  he  not  notoriously 
"gentle  "and  soft-mannered?  His  dogs  are  still  wild 
beasts,  and  his  wild  birds  are  tame.  What  can  explain  this 
better  than  the  absence  of  stones  ?  We  in  England  have 
always  had  plenty  of  stones,  and  where  the  fists  could  not 
settle  quarrels  oar  rode  ancestors  had  only  to  stoop  to  the 


Gamins.  191 

ground  for  arms ;  and  it  is  a  mere  platitude  to  say  that  the 
constant  provision  of  arms  makes  a  people  ready  to  pick 
a  quarrel  and  encourages  independence  in  bearing.  From 
the  same  cause  our  dogs  obey  our  voices,  for  the  next 
argument  they  know  will  be  a  stone ;  while,  as  for  our 
wild  birds,  let  the  schoolboys  tell  us  whether  they  under- 
stand the  use  of  pebbles  or  not.  In  Greece  the  argument 
of  the  chtrmadion  is  still  a  favourite,  for  the  savage  dogs 
are  still  there  that  will  recognize  no  other,  unmindful  of 
that  disastrous  episode  in  the  history  of  Mycenje,  which 
all  arose  from  Hercules'  young  cousin  throwing  a  paving 
stone  at  a  baying  hound.  These  same  boys  of  ours, 
therefore,  have  this  argument  also  in  their  favour,  that 
they  ore  obeying  an  hereditary  instinct,  and  developing 
the  original  plan  of  Nature,  when  they  throw  stones. 

I  doubt  if  the  police  will  attend  to  this.  It  is  better, 
perhaps,  they  should  not,  or,  at  any  rate,  that  they  should 
whip  the  boys  first  and  discuss  the  instinct  afterwards. 
A  reformatory,  except  at  Stoney  Stratford,  for  such 
•vlers  would  not,  so  to  speak,  be  out  of  place,  and  a 
penitentiary  at  Stonehenge  would  be  delightfully  ap: 
for  the  urchins  could  not  throw  it  about,  however  much 
they  might  pine  to  do  so.  If  exile  be  not  thought  too 
harsh  for  such  delinquents,  punishment  might  be  pleasantly 
blended  with  consideration,  if  our  stone-throwing  youth 
!  banished  to  Arabia  Pctr.va.  We  would  not  go 
so  tar  as  to  recommend  stoning  the  urchins,  for  the 
ceremony  \vluoh  goes  by  that  name  was  not  the  p- 


192  Under  the  Punkah. 

cuous  casting  of  stones  at  a  criminal,  as  is  generally 
supposed.  The  guilty  person,  so  the  Talmud  enacts,  was 
taken  to  the  top  of  an  eminence  of  fifteen  feet,  and 
violently  pushed  over  the  edge.  The  fall  generally  broke 
his  back,  but  if  the  executioners,  on  looking  over,  found 
their  victim  was  not  dead,  they  fetched  one  large  stone 
and  dropped  it  down  from  the  same  eminence  upon  the 
body.  Such  a  punishment  as  this  would  not  be  suitable 
for  the  modern  offence  of  pelting  trains  and  steamboats. 
Nevertheless,  severity  is  called  for;  as,  in  spite  of  the 
hereditary  and  legendary  precedent  which  the  gamin  of 
the  period  has  for  his  pastimes,  he  cannot,  even  as  the 
representative  of  the  primeval  ape,  be  permitted  to  indulge 
his  enthusiasm  at  the  sight  of  the  triumphs  of  science  in 
a  manner  that  endangers  "  the  elderly  passenger." 


OF  TAILORS. 

j|HAT  superstition  is  hateful,  merely  because  it  is 
superstition,  is  an  inhuman  doctrine.  Yorick 
was  superstitious,  and  so  was  Martin  Luther. 
That  a  man  should  hesitate  to  shoot  a  raven  lest  he  kill 
King  Arthur  unawares,  can  scarcely  be  held  a  criminal 
cunctation.  Was  ever  man  more  superstitious  than  the 
silly  knight  of  La  Mancha,  the  sweet  gentleman  who 
loved  too  well?  but  did  ever  the  man  soil  earth  who 
hated  Don  Quixote  ?  Cervantes,  when  he  limned  him, 
might  laugh  away  the  chivalry  of  Spain ;  but  he  did  not, 
nor  did  he  wish  to,  draw  a  knave.  And  yet  in  nothing 
do  we  find  more  to  hate,  with  the  honest  hatred  of  an 
Esau,  than  in  this  same  superstition.  Heaven-born,  it 
has  bred  with  monster  fiends.  True  superstition  is  re- 
verent, and  from  it,  like  orchids  from  an  old  tree-trunk, 
spring  blossoms  of  rare  beauty.  But  as  the  same  tree 
feeds  noisome  fungi,  the  vampire  epiphyte  and  slab 
lichens,  so  from  the  grand  old  trunk  of  superstition  has 
sprung  out  a  growth  of  unwholesome  fictions.  What 
miscreant  first  said  that  a  tailor  was  the  ninth  part,  and 
no  more,  of  a  man  ?  By  what  vile  arithmetic  did  the 
author  of  the  old  play  arrive  at  his  equation  of  tailors  to 

o 


1 94  Under  the  Punkah. 

men  when  he  makes  his  hero,  on  meeting  eighteen  of 
them,  call  out,  "  Come  on,  hang  it,  I'll  fight  you  both  !  " 
Why  a  ninth,  and  why  a  tailor  ? 

The  tailor  is  the  victim  of  misconstruction.  Remem- 
ber George  Eliot's  story  of  a  man  so  snuffy  that  the  cat 
happening  to  pass  near  him  was  seized  with  such  a  vio- 
lent sternutation  as  to  be  cruelly  misunderstood  !  Let 
Baboo  Ishuree  Dass  say,  "  Tailors,  they  are  very  dis- 
honest ;"  he  is  speaking  of  natives.  Let  Burton  say,  "  The 
tailor  is  a  thief;"  he  was  fanciful.  And  let  Urquiza  of 
Paita  be  detested,  he  was  only  a  half-bred  Peruvian. 
Remember  the  regiment  of  London  tailors ;  De  Quincy's 
brave  journeyman  tailor;  M.  Achille  Jules  Cesar Le  Grand, 
who  was  so  courteous  to  Marguerite  in  the  Morals  of  May 
Fair ;  the  tailor  of  Yarrow  who  beat  Mr.  Tickler  at  back- 
gammon ;  the  famous  tailor  who  killed  seven  at  one  blow 
and  lived  to  divide  a  kingdom  and  to  call  a  queen  his 
stepmother.  Read  "  Mouat's  Quinquennial  Report  of 
the  Lower  Provinces,"  and  learn  that  the  number  of 
tailors  in  prison  was  less  by  one-half  than  that  of  the 
priests.  They  were,  moreover,  the  only  class  that  had 
the  decency  to  be  incarcerated  in  round  numbers,  there- 
by notably  facilitating  the  taking  of  averages  and  the 
deduction  of  most  valuable  observations. 

Tailors,  the  ninth  part  of  a  man  !  Then  are  all 
^Ethiops  "  harmless  "  ?  Can  no  Cretan  speak  a  true 
word,  or  a  Boeotian  a  wise  one  ?  Are  all  Italians  "  blas- 
pheming," and  is  Egypt  "  merry  "  Egypt  ?  Nature,  and 


Of  Tailors.  195 

she  is  no  fool,  has  thought  good  to  reproduce  the  tailor 
type  in  bird  and  insect :  then  why  does  man  contemn 
the   tailor  ?     Because   he    sits   cross-legged  ?     Then    is 
there  not   a   whole  man  in   Persia.     Why  should    our 
children  be  taught  in  the  nursery  rhyme,  how  "  nine-and- 
twenty  tailors  went  out  to  kill  a  snail,  but  not  a  single 
one  of  them  dared  to  touch  his  tail "  ?     Or  why  should  the 
world  exult  over  the  tailor,  whom  the  elephant,  as  we 
learn  from  Mrs.  Gurton's  "  Book  of  Anecdotes,"  squirted 
with  ditch-water  ?     We  know  the  elephant  to  have  been 
the  aggressor ;  but  just  as  we  rejoice  with  Punch  over  the 
murder  of  his  wife,  and  the  affront  he  offers  to  the  devil, 
so  we  applaud  the  ill-mannered  pachyderm.     "  The  ele- 
phant," we   read   in  childhood,  "put  his  trunk  into  a 
tailor's  shop,"  thrust  his  nose,  some  four  feet  of  it,  into 
a  tailor's  house,  his  castle,  writing  himself  down  a  gross 
fellow  and  an  impertinent.     For  the  tailor  to  have  said 
"  Take  your  nose  out  of  my  shop  "  would  have  been  tame, 
and  on  a  mammal  ill-conditioned  enough  to  go  where  he 
was   not  bidden,   such   temperance    would    have   been 
thrown  away.     When  the  Goth  pulled  the  beard  of  the 
Senator,  the  Roman  struck  him  down.     Did  Jupiter  argue 
with  Ixion,  or  Mark   bandy   words  with   the   lover    of 
Isolt  ?    The  tailor  did  not  waste  his  breath,  but  we  read 
"  pricked  the  elephant's  nose  with  a  needle."     Here  the 
story  should  end.     Jove's  eagles  have  met  at  Delos.     But 
no.     "  The  elephant,"  we  are  told,  "  retired  to  a  puddle 
and  filled  his  trunk  with  water,  and,  returning  to  the  shop, 
o  2 


196  Under  the  Punkah. 

s qiiirted  it  over  the  tailor."  It  was  sagacious,  doubtless, 
to  squirt  water  at  the  tailor,  and  to  squirt  it  straight ;  but 
such  sagacity  is  no  virtue,  or  the  Artful  Dodger  must  be 
held  to  be  virtuous.  The  triumph  of  the  elephant  was 
one  of  Punch's  triumphs — Punch,  who  beats  his  wife  past 
recovery,  hangs  an  intimate  friend  after  stealing  his  dog, 
and  trifles  with  the  devil.  Punch  the  incorrigible  homun- 
culus  who,  fresh  from  murder  (his  infant  being  thrown 
out  of  window),  and  with  the  smell  of  the  brimstone  of 
Diavolus  still  clinging  to  his  frilled  coat,  complacently 
drums  his  heels  upon  the  stage  and  assures  his  friends  in 
front  that  he  has  put  his  enemies  to  flight.  Root-a-too-it ! 
Root-a-too-it !  It  is  a  great  villain  ;  yet  the  audience  roar 
their  fat  applause.  So  with  the  elephant.  Yet  Mrs. 
Gurton  has  handed  him  down  to  future  childhood  as  a 
marvel  of  sagacity,  to  be  compared  only  with  that  pig 
who  tells  the  time  of  day  on  playing-cards ;  the  cat  in 
Wellingtons  who  made  his  master  Marquis  of  Carabbas, 
and  rose  himself  to  higli  honours ;  and  that  ingenious  but 
somewhat  severe  old  lady  who  laboured  under  the  double 
disadvantage  of  small  lodgings  and  a  large  family.  Of  all 
these  Mrs.  Gurton,  in  her  able  work,  preserves  the  worthy 
memories  ;  but  that  episode  of  the  high-handed  elephant 
and  the  seemly  tailor  should  have  been  forgotten — irre- 
coverably lost  like  the  hundred  and  odd  volumes  of 
Livy,  or  Tabitha  Bramble's  reticule  in  the  River  Avon. 
But  the  blame  of  perpetuation  rests  not  with  Mrs. 
Gurton,  but  with  her  posterity.  They  admired  the  work 


Of  Tailors.  197 

and  reprinted  it,  not  like  Anthon's  classics,  expurgated, 
but  in  its  noisome  entirety.  The  volume  before  me  is 
now  a  score  years  old — one  year  younger  than  was 
Ulysses'  dog,  and  two  years  older  than  Chatterton ;  so 
perhaps  it  may  not  be  reproduced  in  our  generation, 
and  the  mischievous  fable  may  die  out  before  the  growth 
of  better  reading  as  the  scent  of  a  musk-rat  killed  over- 
night fades  away  before  the  fumes  of  breakfast.  Then 
let  us  hope,  the  Tailor — the  only  story  which  reflects 
contempt  on  him  being  abolished — will  assume  his 
proper  position  between  the  Angels  and  the  anthropo- 
morphous Apes. 


THE  HARA-KIRI. 


HE  Hara-Kiri  is  a  universal  custom,  for  there  is 
no  passion  in  the  mind  of  man  so  weak  but  it 
masters  the  fear  of  death.  So  said  Lord  Bacon ; 
and  he  illustrates  his  text,  as  also  does  Burton,  in  his 
"Anatomy,"  with  many  notable  examples  of  revenge 
triumphing  over  death,  love  slighting  it,  honour  aspiring  to 
it,  grief  flying  to  it,  fear  ignoring  it,  and  even  pity,  the 
"  tenderest  of  affections,"  provoking  to  it.  When  Otho  the 
Emperor  committed  suicide,  many,  out  of  sheer  com- 
passion that  such  a  sovereign  should  have  renounced  life, 
killed  themselves.  Indeed  it  requires  no  strong  passion 
to  take  the  terrors  out  of  death,  for  we  know  how  frequently 
suicides  have  left  behind  them,  as  the  only  reason  for  their 
act,  that  they  were  "tired  of  life,"  weary,  perhaps,  of  an 
existence  monotonous  with  poverty  or  sickness,  or  even 
simply  borne  down  by  the  mere  tedious  repetition  of 
uneventful  days.  In  spite,  however,  of  the  multitude  of 
examples  which  past  history  and  the  records  of  our  own 
everyday  life  afford,  that  death  wears  for  many  of  all 
classes  and  both  sexes  a  by  no  means  fearful  aspect,  the 
human  mind  recoils  from  the  prospect  of  digging,  as  it 


The  Hara-Kiri.  199 

were,  one's  own  grave,  and  shudders  at  the  thought  of 
being  the  executioner  of  one's  own  body. 

Apologists  have,  however,  been  found  for  suicide,  not 
only  in  antiquity,  but  in  modern  days ;  some,  like  Dr. 
Donne,  claiming  for  the  act  the  same  degrees  of  culpability 
that  the  law  attaches  to  homicide,  others  founding  their 
pleas  on  the  ground  that  Holy  Writ  nowhere  condemns 
the  crime,  and  one  profanely  arguing  that  his  life  is  a 
man's  own  to  do  with  as  he  will.  Goethe  may  be  called 
an  apologist  for  suicide,  and  so  may  all  those'  historians 
or  novelists  who  make  their  heroes  "  die  nobly  "  by  their 
own  hands ;  and  De  Quincey  himself  seems  to  have  been 
at  one  time  inclined  to  excuse  under  certain  circumstances 
the  act  of  "  spontaneous  martyrdom." 

Pity  at  first  carries  away  the  feelings  of  the  sympathetic, 
but  there  are  few  healthy  minds  to  which,  on  the  second 
thought,  does  not  come  the  reflection  that  suicide  is, 
after  all,  an  insult  to  human  nature,  and,  for  all  its 
pathos,  cowardly.  There  are,  indeed,  circumstances, 
such,  for  instance,  as  hideous,  incurable  disease,  that  tend 
to  soften  the  public  verdict  upon  the  unhappy  wretch 
who,  in  taking  his  own  life,  had  otherwise  committed  a 
crime  against  humanity,  and  played  a  traitor's  part  to  all 
that  is  most  noble  in  man.  But  these,  as  actually 
resulting  in  suicide,  are  very  exceptional  and  infrequent. 
In  most  cases  life  is  thrown  away  impatiently  and 
peevishly,  a  sudden  impulse  of  remorse  or  grief  nerving 
the  victim  to  forget  how  grand  life  really  is,  with  its 


2OO  L/nder  the  Punkah. 

earnest  aims  and  hearty  work,  and  how  bright  it  is  with 
its  everyday  home  affections  and  its  cheerful  hopes  of 
better  things  and  better  times.  Our  courts  of  law 
generalize  such  impulses  under  the  term  "  temporary 
insanity,"  and  the  world  accepts  the  term  as  a  satisfactory 
one,  for  it  is  not  human  to  believe  that  a  sane  person 
would  under  any  circumstances  throw  up  life.  Races, 
our  own  notably,  conspicuous  wherever  found  in  the 
earth  for  their  active,  hearty,  healthful  pursuit  of  work 
or  pleasure,  refuse  to  believe  that  any  but  the  mad, 
whether  permanently  or  for  the  time  only,  would  wil- 
fully cut  short  their  life's  interests,  and  exchange  sun- 
light and  manly  labour,  all  the  ups  and  downs  that  make 
men  brave  and  hopeful,  for  the  gloomy  ignominy  of  a 
premature  grave.  "  Above  all,"  says  Lord  Bacon, 
"  believe  it,  the  sweetest  canticle  is  '  Nunc  Dimittis, 
when  a  man  hath  obtained  worthy  ends  and  expecta- 
tions ;  "  but  death  in  the  prime  of  life,  "  Finis  "  written 
before  half  the  pages  of  the  book  had  been  turned, 
must  always  present  itself  to  the  courageous,  cheerful 
mind  as  the  most  terrible  of  catastrophes. 

In  its  most  terrible  form,  the  Hara-kiri  is  of  course  a 
Japanese  evil ;  but  suicide,  alas  !  is  not  peculiar  to  any 
one  country  or  people.  In  the  manner  in  which  they 
view  it,  nations  differ — the  Hindoo,  for  instance,  con- 
templates it  with  apathy,  the  savage  of  the  Congo  with 
pride,  the  Japanese  with  a  stern  sense  of  a  grave  duty, 
the  Englishman  with  horror  and  pity — but  the  crime  has 


The  Hara-Kiri.  201 

its  roots  in  all  soils  alike,  and  flourishes  under  all  skies. 
But  that  really  grand  system  of  legalized  self-murder 
which  was  for  ages  the  privilege  of  all  who  felt  wounded  in 
their  honour,  gives  the  Japanese  a  horrible  pre-eminence 
in  the  Hara-kiri,  and  crime  though  we  call  it,  there 
was  much  to  admire  in  the  stately  heroism  of  those 
orderly  suicides,  notable  for  their  fine  appreciation  of 
the  dignity  of  Death,  their  reverent  courtesy  to  his  awful 
terrors,  and  sublime  scorn  for  pain  of  body.  From  their 
infancy  they  looked  forward  to  suicide  as  a  terrible 
probability,  the  great  event  for  which  through  the  in- 
tervening years  they  had  to  prepare  themselves.  They 
learned  by  heart  all  the  nice  etiquette  of  the  Hara-kiri : 
how  they  must  do  this,  not  that,  stab  themselves  from 
left  to  right,  and  not  from  right  to  left.  Strangely 
fascinating,  indeed,  are  the  Tales  of  Old  Japan,  and  among 
them  most  terrible  is  the  account  of  "  the  honourable 
institution  of  the  Hara-kiri."  I  will  try  to  describe  it, 
keeping  as  well  as  I  can  the  tone  of  Japanese  thought : — 

In  the  days  of  Ashikaga  the  Shiogun,  when  Japan  was 
vexed  by  a  civil  war,  and  prisoners  of  high  rank  were 
every  day  being  put  to  shameful  deaths,  was  instituted 
the  ceremonious  and  honourable  mode  of  suicide  by 
disembowelling,  known  as  Seppuku  or  Hara-kiri,  an 
institution  for  which,  as  the  old  Japanese  historian  says, 
"  men  in  all  truth  should  be  very  grateful.  To  put  his 
enemy,  against  whom  he  has  cause  for  enmity,  to  death, 


202  Under  the  Punkah. 

and  then  to  disembowel  himself,  is  the  duty  of  every 
Samurai." 

Are  you  a  Daimio  or  a  Hatamoto,  or  one  of  the 
higher  retainers  of  the  Shiogun,  it  is  your  proud 
privilege  to  commit  suicide  within  the  precincts  of  the 
palace.  If  you  are  of  an  inferior  rank,  you  may  do  it  in 
the  palace  garden.  Everything  has  been  made  ready  for 
you.  The  white-wanded  enclosure  is  marked  out ;  the 
curtain  is  stretched;  the  white  cloth  with  the  soft  crimson 
mats  piled  on  it  is  spread  ;  the  long  wooden  candlesticks 
hold  lighted  tapers ;  the  paper  lanterns  throw  a  faint  light 
around.  Behind  yon  paper  screen  lies  hidden  the  tray 
with  the  fatal  knife,  the  bucket  to  hold  your  head,  the 
incense-burner  to  conceal  the  raw  smell  of  blood,  and 
the  basin  of  warm  water  to  cleanse  the  spot.  With  tender 
care  has  been  spread  the  matting  on  which  you  will  walk 
to  the  spot,  so  that  you  need  not  wear  your  sandals. 
Some  men  when  on  their  way  to  disembowel  themselves 
suffer  from  nervousness,  so  that  the  sandals  are  liable  to 
catch  in  the  matting  and  trip  them  up.  This  would  not  look 
well  in  a  brave  man,  so  the  matting  is  smoothly  stretched. 
Indeed  it  is  almost  a  pleasure  to  walk  on  it. . 

Your  friends  have  come  in  by  the  gate  Umbammon, 
"  the  door  of  the  warm  basin,"  and  are  waiting  in  their 
hempen  dresses  of  ceremony  to  assist  you  to  die  like  a 
man.  You  must  die  as  quickly  too  as  possible,  and  your 
friends  will  be  at  your  elbow  to  see  that  you  do  not  dis- 
grace yourself  and  them  by  fumbling  with  the  knife,  or 


The  Hara-Kiri.  203 

stabbing  yourself  with  too  feeble  La  thrust.  They  have 
made  sure  that  no  such  mishap  shall  befall.  They  will 
be  tenderly  compassionate,  but  terribly  stern.  They  will 
guard  you  while  your  dying  declaration  is  being  read  ;  if 
you  are  fainting,  they  will  support  you,  lest  your  enemies 
should  say  you  were  afraid  of  death.  But  do  not  trust  to 
your  old  friendship  with  those  around  you ;  do  not  try  to 
break  away  from  the  sound  of  those  clearly  spoken 
sentences ;  for  if  you  do,  your  friends  will  knock  you 
down,  and  while  you  are  grovelling  on  the  mats,  will  hew 
your  head  off  with  their  heavy-handled  swords.  They 
will  hold  you  down  and  stab  you  to  death.  Remember 
this — -you  are  to  die,  but  you  will  not  be  allowed  to  disgrace 
yourself. 

You  are  here  an  honoured  guest.  The  preparations 
for  your  death  are  worthy  of  a  Mikado.  But  you 
must  not  presume  upon  the  courtesy  shown  you.  It  is 
merely  one-half  of  a  contract,  the  other  being  that  you 
shall  die  like  a  Samurai.  If  you  shirk  your  share  of  the 
contract,  your  friends  will  break  theirs,  and  will  strike 
you  to  the  earth  like  the  coward  you  are. 

See,  the  tapers  are  lit !  Are  you  quite  ready  to  die  ? 
Then  take  your  way  along  that  spotless  carpet.  It  will 
lead  you  to  the  "  door  of  the  practice  of  virtue."  Yours 
is  the  place  of  honour  on  the  piled  rugs — in  the  centre 
of  your  friends.  How  keenly  they  fix  their  eyes  upon 
you.  It  is  their  duty  to  see  that  you  are  dead  before 
those  tapers  are  out.  Those  tapers  cannot  last  another 


2O4  Under  the  Punkah. 

fifteen  minutes.  Be  seated.  Here  is  your  old  school- 
mate, Kotsuke,  coming  to  you  with  the  dreadful  tray. 
How  sternly  his  lips  are  closed !  You  must  not  speak 
to  him.  Stretch  out  your  hand  to  the  glittering  'knife. 
Behind  you,  your  relatives  are  baring  their  strong  arms. 
You  cannot  see  them,  but  they  are  there,  and  their  heavy- 
handled  swords  are  poised  above  you.  Stretch  out 
your  hand.  Why  hesitate  ?  You  must  take  the  knife. 
Have  you  it  firmly  in  your  grasp  ?  Then  strike  !  Deep 
to  the  handle,  let  the  keen  blade  sink — wait  a  minute 
with  the  knife  in  the  wound  that  all  your  friends  as- 
sembled in  the  theatre  before  you  may  see  it  is  really 
there — now  draw  it  across  your  body  to  the  right  side — 
turn  the  broad  blade  in  the  wound,  and  now  trail  it 
slowly  upwards. 

Are  you  sickening  with  pain  ?  ah  !  your  head  droops 
forward,  a  groan  is  struggling  through  the  clenched 
teeth,  when  swift  upon  the  bending  neck  descends  the 
merciful  sword  of  a  friend  ! 

A  Samurai  must  not  be  heard  to  groan  from  pain. 

How  different  from  the  respectful  applause  that  greets 
the  Japanese  self-murderer  is  the  first  sentiment  of 
healthy  aversion  that  is  aroused  in  English  men  and 
women  by  the  news  of  a  suicide.  It  is  true  that  some- 
times, at  the  first  glance,  the  preceding  circumstances 
compel  our  scorn  or  provoke  us  into  only  a  disdainful 
commiseration  with  the  victim,  but  pity  is  sure  to  follow. 
For  the  Hara-kiri  is  always  pathetic ;  'and  if  the  suicide 


The  Hara-Kin.  205 

be  a  woman,  how  tenderly  the  feeling  of  pity  is 
intensified ! 

Take  such  a  case,  for  instance,  as  that  of  Mary  Aird. 
Happily  married,  and  a  loving  mother,  she  yet  threw  her 
young  life  away  in  a  sudden  impulse  of  groundless 
apprehension  for  the  future. 

Mary  Aird's  letter,  in  which  she  announced  to  her 
husband  her  dreadful  intention,  hardly  reads  like  a 
suicide's  last  word  to  those  she  loved  best;  and  the 
miserably  inadequate  reason  she  gives  for  putting  an  end 
to  her  life  makes  the  sad  document  intensely  pathetic. 
"  Do  not  think  hardly  of  me,  Will,  when  I  tell  you  I  am 
going  to  throw  myself  over  Westminster  Bridge.  Look 
after  our  two  poor  little  children,  '  Pop '  and  George,  and 
tell  Bessie  I  want  her  to  look  after  them  for  you.  Cheer 
up,  dear  Will ;  you  will  get  on  better  without  me.  There 
will  be  one  trouble  less.  God  bless  you  ! "  Such  a 
letter  as  that,  had  that  been  all,  would  have  gone  far  to 
prove  what  some  have  asserted,  that  suicides  are  not 
of  necessity,  and  from  the  fact  alone,  insane.  But  there 
was  a  saving  sentence.  The  poor  woman  feared  she 
could  never  meet  her  household  expenses,  because  a 
pitiful  debt  of  six  shillings  had  "  thrown  out  her  accounts 
for  the  week.  Moreover,"  said  she,  "  troubles  are 
coming."  There  really  were  no  greater  troubles  than  all 
mothers  look  forward  to  with  hope  and  back  upon  with 
pride.  Yet  Mary  Aird  was  dismayed  for  the  moment  at 
the  thought  of  them,  and  seeing  before  her  so  easy  a  path 


206  Under  the  Punkah. 

to  instant  and  never-ending  rest,  carried  with  her  to  the 
grave  the  infant  that  would  soon  have  owed  her  the  sweet 
debt  of  life. 

It  is  impossible,  being  human,  for  any  to  read  the 
brief  story  without  feeling  the  tenderest  pity  for  the  poor 
sister,  wearied  all  of  a  sudden  of  this  working  world, 
fainting  under  the  burden,  as  she  supposed  it,  of  excep- 
tional, insurmountable  misfortunes.  Had  any  one  met 
her  on  her  way  to  death,  and,  knowing  her  case,  offered 
her  six  shillings,  she  might  have  perhaps  turned  back, 
and  been  now  the  happy  wife  and  happy  mother  that 
she  was.  She  had  her  secret,  however,  hidden  deep 
away  in  her  heart — the  secret  that,  by  her  own  death, 
she  would  (as  she  thought)  release  those  she  loved 
best  from  many  of  the  troubles  of  life — the  secret  that 
her  duty  to  husband  and  children,  the  "  poor  little  children 
Pop  and  George,"  called  upon  her  for  the  instant  sacrifice 
of  her  life  !  In  other  forms  the  same  unhesitating 
resignation  of  life  presents  itself  to  us  as  heroism  of  a 
grand  type ;  but  in  the  piteously  small  scale  of  the 
surrounding  circumstances,  and  even  the  familiarity  of  the 
nature  of  the  death,  the  grandeur  of  such  a  sacrifice  is 
lost,  and  we  feel  only  pity  for  the  unhappy  creature  thus 
needlessly  exchanging  her  bright  home  for  the  grave. 
False  sentiment  tempts  men  often  to  magnify  the  bravery 
of  self-inflicted  death,  forgetting  that  the  insanity  which 
makes  suicide  so  pitiful  robs  it  also  of  all  that  commands 
admiration.  In  itself  the  crime  is  detestable,  not  only 


The  Hara-Kiri.  207 

as  high  treason  against  the  Creator,  inasmuch  as,  to  quote 
the  main  argument  of  the  Pagan  moralists,  we  betray  at 
the  first  summons  of  danger  the  life  it  was  given  us  to 
guard,  but  also  as  profaning  the  nobility  of  our  nature. 
Man  is  born  with  the  strong  instinct  of  living,  and,  as 
happy,  careless  childhood  is  left  behind,  serious  and 
tender  interests  grow  round  the  individual  life,  each  of 
which  makes  it  a  more  precious  possession,  and,  by 
admitting  others  to  share  in  its  troubles  and  joys, 
robs  the  owner  of  all  claim  to  dispose  of  it  as  if  it  were 
his  own,  undivided  and  intact.  In  death  itself  there  is 
nothing  for  hopeful  and  helpful  men  and  women,  the 
workers  of  the  world,  to  be  afraid  of — "  Men  fear  death 
as  children  fear  to  go  in  the  dark,  and  with  as  much 
reason."  But  this  manly  disregard  of  superstitious  terrors 
should  not  degenerate  into  the  holding  of  life  cheap, 
nor,  under  the  sudden  pressure  of  unusual  circumstances, 
make  us  lose  sight  of  that  bright  star  of  hope  which,  if 
we  will  only  look  ahead,  shines  always  over  "to- 
morrow." 

To  some  races  such  hopeful  prospects  seem  impossible, 
and,  in  the  East  especially,  the  first  summons  of  the 
enemy  finds  the  garrison  ready  to  yield.  This  frequency 
of  suicide,  however,  and  the  general  indifference  to  the 
crime  as  a  crime,  are  among  the  surest  signs  of  inferiority. 
All  savage  tribes,  and  even  some  of  the  nations  of  the 
East,  though  more  advanced  in  civilization,  fly  to  death 
as  the  first  resource  in  trouble.  They  seek  the  relief  of 


208  Under  the  Punkah. 

the  grave  before  having  sought  any  other.  But  the 
circumstances  of  their  lives,  with  religion  or  superstition 
teaching  them  that  fate  predestines  everything,  and 
magnifying  the  most  trivial  occurrences  into  calamities 
from  which  there  is  no  appeal,  often  surround  their 
deaths  with  incidents  so  picturesque  and  quaint  that  they 
deceive  the  judgment,  and  exalt  the  paltry  suicide  into 
an  heroic  surrender  of  life. 

Such  a  one  is,  perhaps,  that  student's  death  up  in 
"the  cloudy  wilderness  within  Blencathara."  He  had  to 
leave  college  to  go  into  a  trade  that  was  hateful  to  him ; 
but  rather  than  live  apart  from  his  books,  he  climbed  one 
morning  up  to  the  misty  heights,  taking  with  him  his 
^Eschylus,  Apollonius,  and  Caesar,  and  having  read  them 
till  daylight  failed,  made  a  last  pillow  for  his  head  of 
the  three  volumes,  and  took  a  fatal  dose  of  laudanum. 
Some  again,  by  the  terrible  blackness  of  the  clouds  that  had 
gathered  over  life,  seem  almost  excused,  as  the  crime  of 
Jocasta  against  herself,  or  the  death  of  Nero  ;  while  others 
— like  those  of  Dr.  Brown,  who  had  prognosticated  the 
ruin  of  England  and  was  so  mortified  by  the  brilliant 
successes  of  the  Pitt  administration  that  he  cut  his  throat, 
and  the  Colonel  in  Dr.  Darwin's  "  Zoonomia,"  who  blew 
his  brains  out  because  he  could  not  eat  muffins  without 
suffering  from  indigestion — tend  to  the  positively  ludicrous. 
We  are  thus  often  betrayed,  from  one  cause  or  another, 
into  forgetting  for  the  moment  that  the  act  of  suicide  is 
really  only  one  of  impatience  with  the  crosses  of  life,  and 


The  Hara-Kiri.  209 

a  confession  of  defeat.  Immeasurably  sad  it  often  is,  as 
in  the  case  of  Mary  Aird ;  but  in  spite  of  the  pathos 
surrounding  the  unhappy  incident  I  have  selected  as 
typically  pathetic,  it  is  better  to  look  at  it  gravely.  We 
would,  of  course,  far  rather  see  in  it  only  a  young  mother 
sacrificing  her  dearest  treasures,  life  and  the  love  of 
husband  and  child,  under  the  delusion  that  her  death 
was  for  their  benefit;  but  we  are  compelled  to  see  in  it 
much  more  than  that.  Lurking  under  the  delusion  lies 
the  faint-hearted  apprehension  that  "  to-morrow  "  would 
be,  and  must  be,  just  the  same  as  "  to-day/'  a  fear  of  the 
the  future  that  underlies  every  wilful  suicide,  and  is  at 
once  the  most  disastrous  and  deplorable  frame  of  the 
human  mind.  If  troubles  are  ahead,  the  more  need  for, 
the  more  honour  in,  a  resolute  hold  on  life.  Our  race 
does  not  readily  yield  to  despair,  and  every  suicide  among 
us,  even  though  it  be  a  woman's,  takes  something  there- 
fore from  our  national  character ;  and,  in  spite  of  an 
unavoidable  feeling  of  sincerest  pity  for  those  who  reckon 
death  among  the  boons  of  nature,  we  ought  to  condemn 
with  all  our  hearts  the  ignoble  abandonment  of  life  by 
those  amongst  us  who  have  not  the  courage  to  wait  and 
see  if  to-morrow  will  not  cure  to-day. 


ISTE  PUER. 


ANY  creatures  claim  to  be  the  best  abused,  but 
I  would  pass  them  all  by,  whether  spiders  or 
oldest  inhabitants,  earwigs  or  police  con- 
stables, and  award  that  title  to  the  boy  —  the  "  soaring, 
human  boy"  as  Chadband  puts  it.  A  writer  aiming 
rather  at  terseness  than  accuracy,  has  called  the  boy  "  the 
enemy  of  creation,"  but  I  would  rather  read  it  as  "  the 
envy  of  creation." 

Every  child,  I  take  it,  is  a  pet  of  Nature's,  but  among 
them  the  boy  child  is  her  favourite.  There  is  no  favour 
she  withholds  from  him,  and  his  only  defects  are  of  those 
things  which  will  come  upon  him  all  too  soon,  and  which 
acquired  will  but  embitter  his  life.  The  boy,  it  is  true, 
has  no  experience  ;  but  who  would  not  rather  be  ignorant 
of  the  taste  of  the  Dead  Sea  fruit  ?  Again,  he  has  no 
ballast,  but  surely  then  all  the  more  conspicuous  is 
Nature's  custody  of  him  !  What  other  charges  can  be 
laid  against  him?  That  he  is  young  is  hardly  a  crime; 
and  being  young,  if  he  possesses  the  attributes  of  youth, 
he  is  hardly  to  blame. 


Iste  Puer.  2 1 1 

"  The  boy  is  a  thief?  "  Yes,  but  of  what  ?  He  will 
steal  apples  from  an  orchard,  although  a  farmer  with  his 
dog  keeps  guard.  Every  rookery  must  pay  him  tribute  of 
its  eggs,  and  every  garden  of  its  gooseberries.  But  hear 
him  relate  his  exploit !  There  is  none  of  the  shame- 
facedness  of  a  thief  in  his  narration.  He  glories  in  the 
larceny,  and  when  he  can  add  assault  to  the  lesser  crime 
(he  has  pelted  the  lawful  owner  with  his  own  fruit),  his 
achievement  becomes  a  triumph.  And  not  to  him  only 
but  to  all  his  schoolfellows,  who  burn  henceforth  to 
emulate  his  deed  of  high  emprise.  The  narrative  of  such 
a  theft  gives  fresh  blood  even  to  the  law-respecting 
adult.  First,  the  lad  tells  of  the  stealthy  approach — in 
the  distance  the  farmer  disappearing — then  of  the  paling 
with  hooked  nails  atop,  on  which,  with  puncturings  of 
the  flesh,  the  trouser  was  torn,  and  then  the  Red- 
Indian-like  entrance  to  the  orchard.  The  climbing  up 
the  trees — the  handling  of  the  great  round  fruit — the 
encounter,  in  returning,  with  the  labourer  who  would 
capture  him  but  is  discomfited — the  homeward  flight 
across  the  turnip-field — the  pursuit  among  the  sheep 
hurdles — the  final  escape !  And  all  this  told  by  one 
ruddy-faced,  clear-eyed  lad  sitting  munching,  among  a 
munching  circle,  one  of  the  forbidden  fruit,  while  to  each 
episode  the  merry  music  of  real  laughter  lends  its  ap- 
plause, and  fired  by  the  narration  others  plan  a  like 
adventure  for  the  morrow.  Surely,  none  of  these  boys 
are  thieves  ?  Why,  let  one  of  their  number  to-morrow 
p  2 


212  Under  the  Punkah , 

"  steal  like  a  thief" — and  the  orchard-robber  of  yester- 
day, the  owner  of  many  stolen  rook's  eggs,  and  he  with 
his  pocket  still  full  of  pilfered  gooseberries,  will  kick 
him  and  call  him  "  thief !  "  Is  there  in  this  difference 
anything  more  than  sentiment  ? 

"  The  boy  is  untruthful."  Now,  it  is  well  known  in 
public  schools — and  where  the  master  is  of  a  mean  kind 
the  knowledge  is  basely  utilized — that  to  detect  a  culprit 
there  is  no  surer  means  than  to  ask  those  suspected, 
"  Did  you  do  it  ?  "  If  one  of  them  did  it,  he  says  "  Yes." 
His  schoolfellows  know  he  did  it,  and  before  them  he 
is  ashamed  to  lie,  and  having  this  honest  shame  he  has 
no  claim  to  the  brand  of  untruthful.  In  a  school  of 
good  tone  a  boy  who  had  lied,  who  had  made  a  false 
declaration  to  save  himself  from  punishment,  is  con- 
sidered below  good-fellowship ;  and  when  a  boy  is  scouted 
among  his  fellows,  he  seldom  remains  among  them  long. 
At  each  reassembling  of  the  school,  now  one  and  now 
another  of  these  outcasts  is  found  to  have  disappeared, 
and  no  one  regrets  the  disappearance.  For  the  boy,  in 
punishment  and  in  hate,  is  very  severe,  often  visiting  with 
great  cruelty  a  single  slip.  Yet  he  is  not  unfair,  for 
the  backslider  seldom  appears  in  after-life  as  a  popular 
man,  or  respected  in  his  profession.  The  black  sheep 
of  school,  when  found  out,  seldom  rise  again,  and  when 
heard  of  afterwards  it  is  generally  in  the  company  of  black 
sheep. 

"  The  boy  is  a  glutton."     Well,  what  of  that  ?     So  are 


Iste  Piter.  213 

half  the  grown-up  men  in  the  world.  The  only  differ- 
ence in  their  gluttony  is,  that  the  boy's  stomach  has  not 
by  sad  experience  taught  him  caution,  drawn  out  for  him 
in  clear  black  and  white  its  tabulary  statement  of  likes  and 
dislikes.  The  voracity  of  a  boy  at  a  picnic  is,  it  is  true, 
supernatural  and  awful  to  contemplate,  but  it  does  no 
one  harm.  The  misdemeanour  of  over-eating  is  an  in- 
nocent one  in  youth,  and,  if  the  truth  must  be  told,  the 
contempt  for  congruities  which  the  boy  reveals  in  his 
confused  feeding  is  very  enviable  to  us  whose  ilia 
demand  a  seemly  regularity  in  quantity  and  quality.  I 
have  seen  a  boy  on  Christmas  Eve  eating  oysters,  and 
while  waiting  for  the  next  one  to  be  prepared  with 
vinegar  and  condiments,  occupying  himself  with  a  mince 
pie !  I  confess  to  having  been  aghast  at  the  frightful 
spectacle,  but  that  boy  has  grown  into  a  very  fine  young 
hussar,  and  I  would  not  remember  that  early  exploit 
against  him  unkindly.  Nor  is  it  only  on  the  good  things 
of  life  that  a  boy  will  debauch,  for  he  will  make  merry 
over  very  frugal  fare.  Watch  him  on  a  holiday  ramble 
and  he  is  eating  half  the  time.  The  nut  and  bramble 
yield  him  sustenance,  the  rose-bush  gives  up  to  him 
her  bright  berries,  the  hawthorn  its  coral  bunches, 
and  the  crab-apple  its  wrinkled  fruit.  In  early  Spring 
he  eats  the  tender  sprouts  of  the  white-thorn,  and 
calls  it  "bread  and  cheese;"  in  Summer  he  finds 
"buns"  in  the  calix  of  the  thistle;  and  in  Autumn 
startles  the  wood-pigeons  from  beneath  the  beech-trees 


2 1 4  Under  the  Punkah. 

in  his  search  for  "mast."  The  streamlets  give  him  water- 
cresses,  and  the  thicket  the  acid  sorrel  and  the  pignut. 
Not  content  with  the  store  of  wild  strawberries,  rasp- 
berries, gooseberries,  currants,  bilberries,  chestnuts, 
cranberries,  and  wild  cherries  (for  all  these  grow  wild 
in  different  parts  of  England),  he  lays  under  toll  the  sloe, 
and  even,  crede  experto,  rifles  the  dewberry,  the  yew,  and 
the  honey-suckle.  He  will  rob  a  squirrel  to  roast  its 
hoard  of  acorns.  And  on  this  wild  feeding  has  been 
founded  the  charge  against  the  boy  of  being  "  nasty  !  " 
Yet  we  would  not  undertake  to  decide  which  is  the 
nastier  feeder,  the  boy  who  divides  his  hazel-nuts  with 
the  dormouse,  and  the  fruits  of  hedge  and  copse  with  the 
finches,  or  the  man  who  bolts  the  green  fat  of  tortoises, 
feasts  on  carrion-fed  prawns,  keeps  his  cheese  till  it  jumps, 
and  his  grouse  till  it  can  be  heard  smelling  all  over  the 
house.  For  myself  I  confess  I  prefer  the  latter  diet 
immensely,  but  small  lads  at  school  would,  for  a  great 
green  apple,  barter  away  a  slice  of  the  ripest  Stilton, 
and  forego  a  basin  of  alderman's  soup  for  the  looting  of 
a  neighbour's  filbert-bush. 

"  The  boy  is  dirty."  I  allow  willingly  that  he  pro- 
tests against  cold  water  on  winter  mornings,  and  that 
in  his  rambles  he  accumulates  mud  on  his  clothes 
with  an  extraordinary  diligence.  But  his  elders  prac- 
tically protest  against  cold  water  on  cold  mornings  by 
seldom  or  never  using  it  cold,  and  as  for  the  mud, 
that  is  the  fault  of  the  mud ;  for  I  deny  that  any  boy 


Iste  Pucr.  2 1 5 

absolutely  prefers  to  have  pounds  of  clay  on  his  boots, 
stuffing  up  the  lace-holes  and  making  running  weari- 
some. Mud-pies  I  do  not  hold  with,  considering  them 
altogether  abominable,  but  the  boy  of  whom  I  am 
speaking  is  beyond  the  years  for  which  such  cates  have 
attraction,  and  has  arrived  at  a  period  of  life  when,  if 
he  had  his  way,  he  would  as  certainly  abolish  mud  as 
Latin  Grammars.  At  the  same  time,  I  confess  that 
cleanliness  is  a  matter  of  some  indifference  to  him  ;  not 
but  that  he  might  prefer  the  green  on  tree-trunks  not 
coming  off  on  his  clothes,  but  the  knowledge  that  it  will 
certainly  come  off  does  not  make  him  hesitate  to  climb 
a  mouldy  fir-tree  on  the  trivial  pretence  of  investigating 
the  contents  of  a  manifestly-ancient  wood-pigeon's  nest. 
He  arrives  on  the  ground  again  with  the  front  of  his 
waistcoat  green  with  the  mould,  and  with  a  hole  in 
his  trousers,  but  he  knows  that  "  some  one  "  will  brush 
and  mend  his  apparel,  so  he  confines  his  regrets  to  the 
fact  of  the  nest  having  been  empty  of  eggs. 

"The  boy  is  mischievous."  This  cannot  be  denied. 
But  in  how  many  cases  does  not  the  mischief  arise  from  a 
laudable  spirit  of  inquiry  ?  How  was  he  to  foresee  when 
he  wished  to  test  his  powers  of  throwing  a  stone  that  the 
accursed  pebble  would  drop  on  the  old  gentleman  who 
happened  to  be  on  the  other  side  of  the  wall ;  or  when 
he  set  his  dog  at  a  cat,  "  to  see  if  it  could  catch  it,"  by 
what  process  of  argument  was  he  to  know  that  the  cat 
and  its  pursuer  would  run  through  a  cucumber  frame 


216  Under  the  Punkah. 

into  the  dairy  ?  And  is  not  hunting  a  cat  natural  to  an 
English  boy  ?  He  will  hunt  a  cat  when  he  is  a  boy  as 
certainly  as  he  will  hunt  a  fox  when  he  is  a  man.  At 
the  same  time,  he  would  as  soon  in  his  youth  worry  a 
kitten  as  in  his  manhood  he  would  shoot  a  vixen.  Stone 
a  cock  or  pelt  a  gander  ? — of  course  he  will !  But  he 
will  not  lift  a  rude  hand  to  a  chicken,  or  bully  a  gosling. 
And  this  is  chivalry  undeveloped.  Cruel  as  boys  are 
(and  for  their  cruelty  the  Ana  made  of  them  their  soldiers, 
turnkeys,  and  executioners)  they  are  wonderfully  full  of 
compassion. 

"Therefore  he  deserves  all  he  gets."  This  is  gene- 
rally a  whipping.  Now  I  deny  the  inference,  for  I  have 
denied  the  validity  of  all  the  premises.  If  I  were  a 
modern  boy,  in  these  radically  reforming  times,  I 
would  organize  a  general  strike  against  corporal  punish- 
ment, and  support  the  appeal  by  numerous  citations 
from  authority  as  to  the  dignity  of  boyhood — from 
Demosthenes'  tribute  to  the  reverence  due  to  youth  to 
Wordsworth's  affidavit  (whatever  it  may  mean)  that  "  the 
boy  is  the  father  of  the  man."  At  any  rate,  it  seems  to 
me,  the  distinctive  feature  of  this  period  of  life,  is 
popularly  supposed  to  be  that  it  is  a  whippable  age,  but 
this  is  really,  if  looked  into,  only  a  superstition,  an  old- 
world  tradition,  a  musty,  fusty  fragment  of  antiquated 
wisdom.  For  what  is  the  great  principle  of  co-operation 
worth,  if  it  may  not  be  impartially  extended — and 
what  is  to  prevent  boys  extending  it  to  corporal  punish- 


hte  Puer.  217 

merit,  by  securing  for  their  service  the  persons  of  other 
boys  to  be  vicariously  whipped  ? 

High-class  schools  might,  indeed,  do  well,  for  the 
greater  contentment  of  their  pupils,  to  imitate  the  Chinese 
system  of  vicarious  punishment.  The  matter  is,  at  any 
rate,  worth  the  schoolboy's  consideration,  for  there  is  no 
doubt  that  such  a  system  tends  to  an  economy  of  the 
outer  cuticle  and  the  evasion  of  many  disagreeable  sen- 
ations  arising  from  pudding  withheld  or  birch  applied. 
Landladies  thus  find  a  cat  useful. 

In  China,  when  juvenile  royalty,  for  instance,  has  to 
be  taught,  the  tutor  is  bound  to  provide  for  him  an 
assortment  of  classmates,  eight  in  number,  and  it  is  upon 
these,  whenever  the  Prince  fails  in  his  lessons,  that  the 
rod  falls.  Upon  his  pupils  entering  the  room  the  tutor 
rises  from  his  chair  as  a  sign  of  respect — an  excellent 
custom,  which  schoolboys  would  do  well  to  see  intro- 
duced at  once  into  the  country — and  when  all  have 
taken  their  seats  he  resumes  his  own.  The  Prince  then 
receives  his  book,  and  is  shown  his  task,  which  he  at 
once  commences  to  get  off  by  heart.  The  allotted  time 
having  expired,  he  attempts  to  repeat  it,  and  should  he 
fail,  the  tutor  immediately  falls,  with  the  utmost  fury, 
rod  in  hand,  upon  the  rest  of  the  class,  and  thumps 
them  soundly.  Meanwhile,  the  Prince,  for  decency's 
sake,  goes  through  the  pantomime  of  excessive  suffering, 
permitting  himself  to  recover  his  equanimity  only  after 
the  yells  of  his  classmates  have  ceased. 


2 1 8  Under  the  Pttnkak. 

There  is  something  very  delightful  to  contemplate  in 
this  proceeding;  and  in  the  present  age,  when  money 
appears  to  be  capable  of  buying  anything  and  everything, 
there  is  no  reason  why  cur  "golden  youth"  should  not 
go  up  to  the  public  schools  with  regular  stipendiary 
"  duppel  gangers,'"'  to  receive  the  punishment  they  have 
themselves  merited.  During  class-time  these  mercenary 
and  pachydermatous  doubles  might  either  remain  con- 
veniently huddled  up  under  the  forms  or  wait  outside 
the  door  and  be  called  in  as  the  conduct  of  each  of  their 
principals  required.  Boys  of  fine  sensibility  might  thus 
suffer  acutely  while  the  cane  descended  upon  toughened 
integuments  more  suited  to  flagellation  than  their  own 
delicate  membranes,  nurtured,  it  may  be,  under  the 
purple.  On  the  other  hand,  if  little  lords  had  thick  skins 
of  their  own,  the  difference  between  thrashing  them  and 
beating  a  paid  substitute  would  really  be  very  small 
indeed,  so  that  in  either  case  justice  would  be  met,  and 
an  enormous  source  of  emolument  be  opened  up  to  the 
lower  classes.  For  a  poor  boy,  studiously  inclined, 
might,  at  the  expense  of  an  occasional  whipping — to 
which,  by  the  way,  no  disgrace  beyond  that  of  poverty 
would  attach — enjoy  all  the  advantages  of  the  schools 
and  private  classes  originally  intended  for  his  idle 
patron,  and  thus  he  might  qualify  himself  for  positions  in 
life  from  which  he  is  at  present  excluded.  For  middle- 
class  schools,  where  the  pupils  are  compelled  to  work 
hard  in  order  to  fit  themselves  to  follow  "the  profes- 


Iste  Piter.  219 

sions,"  a  cheaper  system  might  be  introduced,  and  a 
whole  class  might  combine  to  keep  on  hand  one  "  whip- 
ping-boy "  among  them.  Such  a  boy  would,  no  doubt, 
be  most  economically  obtained  through  the  medium  of 
the  Co-operative  Stores,  a  reduction  being  of  course 
always  allowed  if  a  number  were  taken. 

This  glimpse  of  the  school  life  of  little  Chinaboys — 
which  I  apprehend  to  be  the  proper  abbreviation  for 
Chinamen — must  not,  however,  mislead  our  young 
school-goers  into  the  error  of  supposing  that  in  Pekin 
everything  disagreeable  is  done  vicariously.  It  is  impos- 
sible, for  instance,  on  a  cold  morning  for  any  one  to 
wash  his  own  face  by  simply  watching  another  boy  wash- 
ing his,  and  in  China  face-washing  is  rigorously  insisted 
upon,  and  under  circumstances,  too,  that  make  it 
exceptionally  galling.  The  Chinaboy  has  to  be  out  of 
bed  very  early  indeed — so  early,  in  fact,  that  he  might 
really  just  as  well  get  up  over  night.  This,  again,  leads 
to  another  evil,  for  if  he  were  to  get  up  over  night,  he 
could,  of  course,  have  no  sleep  at  all,  so  the  Chinese 
parent,  to  obviate  this,  sends  youth  to  bed  at  sunset. 
The  Emperor  himself,  when  juvenile,  has  to  go  to  bed 
by  daylight,  and  to  be  up  at  his  lessons  at  three  in  the 
morning,  so  that,  if  English  youth  really  hopes  to  profit 
by  a  change  of  system,  it  must  be  careful  to  engraft  only 
certain  advantageous  passages  of  the  Chinese  method 
upon  our  own,  and  not  to  introduce  it  entire.  How,  for 
instance,  would  they  like  the  whole  of  their  day  to  be  taken 


220  Under  the  Punkah. 

up,  from  three  in  the  morning  to  bedtime,  say  five  in  the 
afternoon,  with  committing  lessons  to  memory  and 
monotonous  athletics,  having  to  go  regularly  all  day  long 
from  the  school-room  to  the  gymnasium,  and  from  the 
gymnasium  back  to  the  school-room — twenty  lines  by 
heart  and  a  turn  over  the  parallel  bars,  twenty  lines  more 
and  then  a  hundred  yards  flat  race,  twenty  lines  more 
and  then  a  good  thumping  with  boxing-gloves — and  so 
on  for  fifteen  hours.  This,  however,  is  what  China- 
boys  have  to  submit  to — vicariously.  At  intervals,  cer- 
tain portions  of  sustaining  food  would  be  weighed  out 
and  administered  to  each  pupil,  individual  tastes  being 
carefully  ignored  on  principle,  and  no  differences  of 
consuming  power  considered — the  real  students  being 
meanwhile  in  their  "  studies,"  and  "  tucking  in  "  to  their 
hearts'  content  on  whatever  they  could  afford  to  order — 
rats,  puppy  dogs,  and  snails,  or  anything  else  that  is 
delicious  and  expensive.  But,  though  I  doubt  if,  on  the 
whole,  our  public  school  boys  would  prefer  the  Chinese 
to  the  English  system  of  education,  yet  the  whipping 
boy  is  a  special  feature  for  which  even  young  Eton  and 
Rugby  must  entertain  in  their  heart  of  hearts  a  certain 
appreciative  regard. 

Nevertheless,  the  excellent  habits  inculcated  by  the 
method  hinted  at  above  have  a  remarkable  effect  in 
after-life,  when  the  Chinaboys  have  become  Chinamen. 
Face  washing  continues  to  be  habitual  among  them,  and 
this,  too,  at  the  same  unnatural  hours  that  made  school- 


Iste  Puer.  221 

days  so  absurdly  long  at  one  end,  and  so  ridiculously 
short  at  the  other.  From  the  lowest  to  the  highest  early 
rising  is  the  rule,  and  if  our  Prime  Minister  were  to  go, 
as  he  does  in  China,  to  Windsor  every  morning  at  half- 
past  two,  he  would  expect  to  find  her  Majesty  sitting  up 
in  a  chair  ready  to  receive  him.  All  the  Cabinet  would 
have  to  accompany  him,  and  at  three  a.m.  the  business 
of  the  Empire  would  come  under  discussion.  Meals 
would  be  served  up  regularly  from  the  imperial  pantry ; 
but,  except  for  these  intervals  of  diversion,  all  would 
remain  on  duty  until  four  p.m.  on  ordinary  days,  and  six 
on  those  set  apart  for  special  business.  After  these 
hours  the  Cabinet  would  be  at  liberty  to  spend  their  time 
as  they  chose— remembering  only  that  they  had  to  be 
back  at  the  palace  by  half-past  two  next  morning.  Such 
is  the  official  programme  of  a  Chinese  Minister's  life 
when  all  goes  well,  but  if,  for  instance,  an  ironclad  were 
to  be  run  down,  accidentally  torpedoed,  or  suffer  from  an 
explosion,  the  First  Lord  of  the  Admiralty  would  imme- 
diately be  called  upon  to  submit  in  person  to  the  punish- 
ment which,  in  this  country,  would  fall  to  very  inferior 
officials — and  he  would  do  it — vicariously.  For  the 
whipping-boy  would  again  intervene,  and  instead  of  the 
First  Lord  being  actually  beaten  with  a  bamboo,  he 
would  provide,  at  his  own  expense,  certain  needy  sub- 
stitutes, upon  whom  the  law  would  wreak  its  vengeance. 
He  would  at  the  same  time  submit  a  report  to  her 
Majesty,  stating  that  as  he  had  himself  rammed,  tor- 


222  Under  the  Punkah. 

pedoed,  or  exploded  one  of  her  Majesty's  ships  com- 
mitted to  his  care,  he  himself,  in  like  manner,  had 
received,  according  to  law,  one  hundred  and  fifty  blows 
of  the  greater  bamboo,  and  two  hundred  and  seventy 
from  the  lesser  bamboo,  besides  having  sat  in  the 
"  cangue,"  in  a  public  place,  exposed  to  popular  derision 
and  the  intolerable  affronts  of  street  boys,  for  three  con- 
secutive days.  All  the  time  that  he  was  enduring  these 
grievous  punishments  the  First  Lord  would,  of  course, 
be,  as  usual,  sitting  comfortably  in  the  reception-room  at 
Windsor,  receiving  his  meals  from  the  royal  pantry,  and 
transacting  the  business  of  the  State.  But  the  decencies 
would  have  been  preserved  by  the  perpetuation  of  this 
elaborate  fiction,  and  the  vicarious  offender  would  have 
been  vicariously  punished,  his  own  confession  of  his 
personal  offence,  as  also  of  his  personal  punishment, 
being  published  in  the  Gazette,  for  all  China  to  see 
how  rigorously  the  laws  of  the  empire  were  enforced. 

Chinese  justice,  from  the  school-room  to  the  Cabinet, 
is,  however,  equally  a  fiction,  and  the  demoralizing 
influence  of  the  whipping-boy  is  manifest  throughout. 
Accustomed  at  school  to  hear  another  child  howl  for 
offences  he  has  himself  committed,  the  boy  grows  up  to 
manhood  relying  continually  upon  a  substitute  being  at 
hand  to  smart  for  his  crimes.  This  being  the  case,  it  is 
as  well  perhaps  to  remind  the  schoolmasters  of  the  pre- 
sent generation  that  if  their  pupils  should  agitate  for  the 
introduction  of  vicarious  punishment,  their  duty  to  the 


Iste  Puer. 


223 


country  would  require  of  them  to  oppose  the  innovation. 
So  long  as  our  boys  take  their  own  whippings,  they  have 
a  chance  of  growing  up  Englishmen,  but  if  they  adopt 
the  lodging-house-cat  system  of  the  Chinaboys,  we  may 
expect  them  to  turn  out  only  Chinamen. 


DEATH,  THE  DAUGHTER  OF  MERCY. 

SHOOTING  trip  in  the  Kirwee  jungles  had 
laid  me  on  my  back,  and  when  the  long  illness 
which  followed  the  fever  had  relaxed  its  grip, 
I  was  weakened  beyond  words,  and  had  worn  out  the 
hope  of  all,  even  of  the  wife  to  whom  I  had  been  married 
hardly  a  year.  At  times  even  I  myself  thought  I  must 
be  dying.  I  was  in  no  pain,  but  was  dying  from  the 
simple  want  of  strength  to  live,  and  in  my  weakness  a 
phantasm,  the  Angel  of  Death,  was  a  terror  to  me. 

And  one  day  I  was  asleep,  and  into  my  dreams  had 
carried  with  me  my  waking  thoughts  of  Death. 

"  Why  do  you  tremble  so  ? "  asked  a  gentle  voice  in 
my  ear. 

I  turned  towards  the  speaker,  and  knew  at  once  it  was 
Hope.  She  put  her  arm  under  my  head,  "  Why  do  you 
tremble  so  ?  " 

"  Because,"  I  whispered,  "  I  am  afraid  of  death." 

"  Death,"  spoke  Hope  in  my  ear,  "  is  the  daughter  of 
Mercy." 

"  Can  so  cruel,  so  hateful,  a  thing  be  a  woman  ?"  I  asked 
in  surprise. 


Death,  the  Daughter  of  Mercy.  225 

"  Yes,  and  she  is  most  beautiful,"  was  the  soft  reply. 
"  In  heaven  we  all  love  her  and  pity  her." 

"  You  pity  death  ?  We  on  earth  hate  death,  and  fight 
against  it;  I  myself  am  terrified  at  death." 

"  Come  with  me,"  said  Hope,  "  and  you  shall  see 
and  tell  your  friends,  when  you  get  well,  why  it  is  that  we 
in  heaven  love  the  sad  daughter  of  Mercy." 

And  so  I  went  up  with  Hope  on  the  night- wind  to 
heaven.  And  as  we  passed  along  the  Milky  Way,  the 
bright  highroad  of  the  sky,  we  saw  stars  below  our  feet, 
on  either  hand  and  above  us,  not  as  we  see  them  from 
the  earth  dotted  here  and  there,  but  hanging  about  in 
great  clusters,  and  in  places  the  clusters  swung  so  close 
together,  that  they  made  a  common  radiance,  while  round 
and  over  them  floated  large  nebulous  brightnesses  made 
up,  it  seemed,  of  powdered  stars.  Yet  bright  above  all 
showed  the  close-starred  Milky  Way  slabbed  with  light. 
And  as  we  sped  along,  my  companion  began  to  speak. 

"  The  Thalaba  is  not  the  most  beautiful  among  us,  nor 
indeed  the  most  lovable,  but  she  is  the  grandest  and  the 
saddest  of  us  all " 

"  But  you  must  be  very  beautiful,"  I  said. 

"Am  I?"  asked  Hope,  turning  her  face  full  towards 
me,  and  going  on 

"  On  earth  you  have  much  that  is  beautiful  in  death, 
Sorrow,  and  Resignation,  and  Pity  are  all  more  beauti- 
ful," said  Hope,  "  than  I." 

And  Hope  I  then  saw  was  not  so  very  beautiful.     It 

Q 


226  Under  the  Punkah. 

was,  for  an  Angel,  a  very  human  face,  with  a  woman's  depth 
of  hope  and  love  in  the  eyes,  it  is  true,  but  with  a  woman's 
tender  weakness  in  the  lips  and  smile.  And  just  then  I 
saw  coming  towards  us  a  child-angel,  a  poor  haggard- 
looking  waif.  Its  eyes  were  deep  sunken  and  despairing. 
And  to  my  surprise  Hope  turned  off  to  it,  and  caught  it  up 
in  her  great  arms,  kissed  it,  and  put  it  down  again.  And 
with  one  sad  look  the  little  one  passed  on  down  to  the 
earth.  Hope,  I  remembered,  is  the  mother  of  Disap- 
pointment. 

"  Am  I  so  very  beautiful  ?  "  asked  Hope  again. 

"  I  had  thought,"  said  I,  "  you  were  more  beautiful," 
and  so  we  passed  on  into  the  great  space  beyond  the  stars 
and  where  the  sun  is  sphered — a  void  in  which  there 
is  nothing,  net  even  ether. 

"  Look  ! "  said  Hope,  "  there  is  Death  on  her  way  up 
to  heaven,  to  give  in  her  tale  to  the  Greater  Angel." 

And  I  looked  where  Hope  was  pointing.  It  was  away 
towards  the  East  that,  swiftly  nearing  the  lowering  floor- 
clouds  of  heaven,  I  saw  the  Angel  of  Death  winging  a 
burdened  flight.  The  comparison  is,  I  know,  ignoble, 
but  in  the  slow-measured  beat  of  those  great  pinions,  I 
remembered  how  once  I  saw  a  lammergeyer  on  the 
Himalayas  working  its  way  up  the  steep  sky  with  laboured 
wing,  to  the  cranny  far  up  the  naked  rock  where  were  hid 
its  callow  young.  And  with  the  same  slow  sweep  of  the 
wings  did  Death  pass  up  the  sky,  and  we  followed  her, 
and  saw  the  great  Angel  enter  Heaven,  seating  herself 


Death,  tJie  DaugJiter  of  Mercy.  227 

upon  the  dais  of  the  Archangels.  And  then  I  saw  what 
a  glorious  beauty  was  hers  and  what  a  weight  of  sorrow 
was  enthroned  upon  her  brow  !  A  world  of  Rachels  could 
not  have  expressed  among  them  all  the  grief  which  looked 
from  the  eyes  of  this  great  being.  But  in  the  posture  of 
the  head,  the  curve  of  the  inimitable  mouth,  there  was 
pride,  and  a  pride  born  of  the  knowledge  of  power. 

"  Yet,"  whispered  Hope,  "  she  is  not  immortal.  A  day 
is  coming,  and  she  knows  it,  when  she  and  her  great 
father  of  the  terrible  arm  and  the  child's  face  will  have 
to  go  forth  and  cease  upon  the  void  of  a  dismantled 
earth." 

But  the  Thalaba  did  not  long  remain  at  rest,  for  while 
I  was  looking  with  admiration,  yes,  and  with  pity,  upon 
the  Angel  of  Death,  I  saw  come  crowding  round  her  all 
her  troop  of  servitors,  ill-favoured  all  of  them  but  two. 
And  the  one  of  them  was  sweet-faced  Iris,  whose 
mission  it  is  to  whisper  to  the  young  wife  that  the  child 
unborn  will  never  live  to  see  its  mother,  but  that  left  to 
her  still  is  the  love  of  her  husband.  The  other  had  a 
wild  beauty  in  his  eyes,  and  he  it  is  who  guides  the  hand 
of  the  suicide.  First  among  the  company  stood  gentle 
Time  with  his  inexorable  scythe,  and  next  beside  him 
stood  that  terrible  one,  whose  breath  is  pestilence  and 
glance  a  plague. 

"Is  she  not   beautiful?"   asked    Hope,  and  without 
waiting,  went  on,  "  see  the  sublime  outline  of  her  full, 
bloodless  lips  !     Her  eyes,  glorious  though  no  soul  looks 
Q  2 


228  Under  the  Punkah. 

out  at  them,  are  supreme  in  their  beauty.  And  what  a 
gentle  face  !  Yet  soft-cheeked  she  is  never  kissed,  and 
soft-limbed  as  Love  she  has  no  lovers.  But  her  father's 
great  strength  lodges  in  her  full  form,  and  pitiless,  indeed, 
when  she  shuts  her  great  eyes  and  her  beautiful  lips 
straighten  in  resolve,  is  the  daughter  of  Anger." 

"  But  was  not  her  mother  Mercy  ?  " 

"  Yes,"  was  the  reply,  "  and  often  and  again,  as  we 
have  stood  on  either  side  a  death-bed,  have  I  seen  behind 
those  great  eyes  come  welling  up  most  human  tears,  and 
to  snow  blanch  the  splendid  marble  of  her  brow.  'Her 
fate  is  terrible  and  wrings  her.  To  take  the  wife  from 
the  husband,  the  lover  from  the  lover,  the  child  from  its 
mother,  the  idol  of  a  nation  from  them,  these  are  her 
awful  tasks.  And  ever  and  again  she  revolts  against 
Nature,  and,  flashing  from  her  place,  descends  as  swift 
as  the  eye-sight,  to  snatch  from  her  over-zealous  mes- 
sengers a  baby's  life,  or  to  give  back,  when  even 
I,  Hope,  was  turning  from  the  bedside,  a  young  wife 
to  her  husband,  or  an  only  son  to  his  mother.  And 
then  she  returns  calm  and  impassionate  to  her  place, 
and  the  Angel  erases  the  last  line  from  the  Book  of 
Fate " 

Hope  had  ceased,  and  I  knew  why ;  for  while  I  was 
looking  at  the  Thalaba,  she  had  been  left  alone,  all  her 
messengers  having  left  to  do  her  biddings,  and  her  eye 
was  full  on  mine.  And  as  she  looked,  there  glided  out 
from  behind  her  a  thin  fleshless  thing  which  came  swiftly 


Death,  the  Daughter  of  Mercy.  229 

towards  me,  and  taking  my  hand,  drew  me  across  the 
narrow  space  that  had  held  me  from  death.  And  Hope 
stayed  behind. 

And  as  I  passed  on  I  knew  my  fate.  I  felt  leaving  me 
all  life,  all  desire  to  live,  a  helpless  bewilderment  of  fear. 
At  last  I  stood  before  the  Angel,  and  as  I  sank  out  of 
life  this  sentence  slipped  my  fluttering  lips — spoken  in 
two  worlds  :  "  Hope  told  me  that  Death  was  the  Daugh- 
ter of  Mercy." 

And  as  my  head  drooped  in  death,  I  saw  a  second  self, 
It  was  my  soul  leaving  me.  And  then  I  saw  the  Angel 
turn  one  rebel  flash  towards  the  throne,  and  in  a  clear 
defiant  voice  I  heard  her  throw  down  the  challenge  to 
Nature, — 

"  And  I  AM  the  Daughter  of  Mercy  !  " 

Then  I  heard  Hope's  fluttering  robes  beside  me, 
caught  the  nervous  laugh  with  which  she  seized  my  hand, 
and  I  awoke  ! 


"  What  a  wonderful  recovery  !  "  said  all  my  friends. 

The  Doctor,  a  young  man,  was  very  proud  of  it.  "I 
thought,"  he  said,  "we  should  pull  him  through." 

And  my  little  wife  ?  As  she  leaned  over  me,  I  heard 
her  saying  in  my  ear,  "  If  I  had  lost  you !  only  mine  a 
year,  and  to  have  lost  you  so  soon  !  "  and  I  whispered 
something  to  her  in  reply. 

"  Ah,"  said  the  young  Doctor  pompously,  "  he  will  be 


230 


Under  the  Punkah. 


delirious  no  doubt  yet  a  while — but  we've  pulled  him 
through  this  time." 

But  all  I  had  whispered  to  my  little  wife  was,  "  Ethel, 
she  was  right.  Beautiful  and  very  merciful  is  Death,  the 
Daughter  ot  Mercy." 


DOGS  WE  HAVE  ALL  MET. 


AM  very  fond  of  dogs,  and  have  indeed,  in  India, 
had  as  many  as  seven  upon  my  establishment 
at  one  time.  Some  of  them  I  knew  intimately, 
others  were  mere  acquaintances,  but  speaking  dispassion- 
ately of  them,  and  taking  one  with  another,  I  should 
hesitate  to  say  that  they  were  superior  to  ordinary  men 
and  women.  It  is,  I  know,  rather  the  fashion,  not  only 
at  teetotal  lectures,  but  in  other  sensible  company,  to 
cite  the  dog  as  a  better  species  of  human  and  to  depre- 
ciate men  as  if  they  were  dogs  gone  wrong.  I  am  not 
at  all  sure  that  this  is  just  to  ourselves,  for,  speaking  of 
the  dogs  I  have  met — the  same  dogs  in  fact  that  we 
have  all  met — I  must  say  that  on  the  whole,  I  look  upon 
the  dog  as  only  a  kind  of  beast  after  all.  At  any  rate  I  am 
prepared  to  produce  from  amongst  my  acquaintances 
as  many  sensible  men  as  sensible  dogs,  while  as  regards 
general  morality,  I  really  do  not  think  the  dogs  would 
have  a  chance  in  comparison.  I  can  bring  into  court, 
immediately  if  necessary,  a  large  number  of  human  be- 
ings who  if  taken  by  accident  or  design  out  of  their  road 


232  Under  the  Punkah. 

will  set  themselves  right  again,  who  if  separated  for 
years  from  friends,  will  readily  recognize  them  and  wel- 
come them,  who  on  meeting  those  who  have  done  them 
previous  injuries  will  show  at  once  by  their  demeanour 
that  they  remember  the  old  grudge,  who  will  detect 
false  notes  in  a  player's  performance,  catch  thieves,  carry 
baskets  to  the  butchers,  defend  their  masters,  and  never 
worry  sheep.  On  the  other  hand  I  will  produce  in 
equal  number  dogs  who  get  themselves  lost  regularly  and 
"for  good,"  until  a  reward  is  offered,  who  never  recog- 
nize old  acquaintances  but  will  fawn  upon  those  who 
have  injured  them,  who  will  sleep  complacently  through 
the  performances  of  organ-grinders  and  never  wake  up 
when  thieves  are  on  the  premises,  who  cannot  be  trusted 
with  meat,  and  who  will  run  away  from  their  masters  if 
danger  threatens.  Being  quite  certain  of  this,  I  think 
I  am  justified  in  maintaining  that  dogs  are  no  better 
than  men,  and  indeed  I  should  not  quarrel  with  him  if 
any  one  were  to  say  that  but  for  man  the  dog  would  have 
been  much  worse  than  he  is — probably,  only  a  wolf  still. 
As  a  matter  of  fact,  most  of  the  dogs  of  my  acquaint- 
ance have  been  positively  stupid.  One  that  I  remember 
well  was,  however,  considered  by  my  friends  of  remark- 
able intelligence ;  but  this  story  often  told  of  him,  to 
illustrate  his  intelligence,  did  not  give  me,  when  I  heard 
it,  any  high  opinion  of  his  intellect.  But  I  may  be 
wrong.  He  was  accustomed,  it  appears,  to  go  with  the 
family  to  church.  But  one  day  the  old  church  roof 


Dogs  we  have  all  met.  233 

began  to  leak,  so  workmen  were  set  at  the  job  and  the 
building  was  closed.  But  when  Sunday  came  this  in- 
telligent dog  trotted  off  as  he  was  wont  to  do,  to  the 
church,  and,  composing  himself  in  the  porch  as  usual, 
remained  there  the  customary  time  and  trotted  com- 
placently home  again.  Now,  where  does  the  intelligence 
come  in,  in  this  anecdote  ? 

In  a  similar  way  stories  are  told  in  illustration  of  other 
feelings  and  passions,  but  most  of  them,  so  it  seems  to  me, 
cut  both  ways.  There  are,  indeed,  many  human  feelings 
which  the  dog  evinces  in  a  marked  way,  and  often  upon 
very  little  provocation.  The  dog,  for  instance,  expresses 
anger  precisely  as  we  do,  and  in  accordance  with  the 
human  precept,  "  When  the  boy  hits  you  kick  the 
post,"  will  bite  his  friend  to  show  his  displeasure  at  a 
stranger.  I  had  a  little  bull-terrier  which  went  frantic  if 
a  pedlar  or  beggar  came  to  the  door,  and  being 
restrained  from  flying  at  the  innocent  itinerant,  would 
rush  out  as  soon  as  released  into  the  shrubbery  and  go 
for  the  gardener.  The  gardener  knew  the  dog's  ways, 
for  he  had  had  a  sharp  nip  vicariously  before,  and  when 
he  saw  Nellie  on  her  way  towards  him,  used  to  charge 
her  with  the  lawn  mower.  Now  at  other  times,  the  gar- 
dener and  Nellie  were  inseparable  friends,  and,  weather 
permitting,  the  gardener's  coat  and  waistcoat  were  Nellie's 
favourite  bed.  In  human  nature  it  is  much  the  same, 
when  the  husband,  because  the  news  in  the  paper  is 
disagreeable,  grumbles  at  his  wife's  cap. 


234  Under  the  Punkah. 

Hatred  also  the  dog  feels  keenly — in  the  matter  of  cats 
notably.  I  have  seen  one  of  the  exceptionally  intelligent 
dogs  referred  to  above,  stop  and  jump  under  a  tree  for 
an  hour,  and  go  back  every  day  for  a  month  afterwards 
to  jump  about  ridiculously  under  the  same  tree,  all  be- 
cause a  cat  which  he  had  once  been  after,  and  wanted 
to  catch,  had  got  up  that  tree  out  of  his  way.  There 
is  no  doubt  in  my  mind  whatever  from  that  dog's 
behaviour  that  he  hated  the  cat. 

Jealousy  again  is  a  common  trait,  and  in  Thornley's 
book  there  is  an  instance  given  of  a  dog  that  was  so 
jealous  of  another  pet  that  when  the  latter  died,  and 
had  been  stuffed,  he  always  snarled  if  attention  was 
drawn  to  the  glass  case  from  which  his  rival  gazed  with 
glassy  eye  upon  the  scene.  The  envy  of  the  dog  has 
given  rise  to  the  well-known  fable  of  the  dog  in  the 
manger,  and  the  story  told  in  "False  Beasts  and 
True "  (in  illustration  of  canine  "  sagacity  ")  exem- 
plifies this  trait  in  a  striking  way.  Leo  was  a  large 
and  lawless  dog,  belonging  to  an  establishment  where 
lived  also  a  mild  Maltese  terrier.  The  latter,  however, 
fed  daintily,  and  was  clad  in  fine  linen,  whereas  Leo 
got  as  many  rough  words  as  bones,  and  was  not  allowed 
into  the  pretty  rooms  of  which  the  terrier  was  a  favoured 
inmate.  From  the  reports  furnished  of  the  judicial 
inquiry  which  followed  the  crime,  it  seems  that  the 
lesser  (very  much  lesser)  dog  had  been  missed  for  several 
days,  and  his  absence  bewailed,  while  something  in  the 


Dags  we  have  all  met.  235 

demeanour  of  the  big  dog  suggested  to  all  beholders 
that  some  terrible  tragedy  had  occurred  and  that  Leo 
was  darkly  privy  thereto.  At  length  a  servant  going  to 
the'coal-hole  heard  a  feeble  moaning  proceeding  from  the 
farthest  corner,  and  on  investigating  with  a  candle,  the 
Maltese  terrier  was  found  buried  under  lumps  of  coal. 
The  supposition  was  that  Leo  had  carried  his  diminutive 
rival  to  the  coal-hole,  and  there  scratched  down  an 
avalanche  of  coals  upon  him,  and  the  manners  of  the 
two  dogs  when  confronted  bore  striking  evidence  to  the 
truth  of  the  theory.  Of  Leo's  envy  there  can  hardly 
therefore  be  a  suspicion. 

Gluttony  is  common  to  all  dogs,  but  their  general 
aversion  to  drunkenness  is  supposed,  by  their  partial 
eulogists,  to  be  demonstrated  by  the  fact  attested 
by  the  Rev.  F.  Jackson  of  a  dog  who,  having  been 
once  made  so  drunk  with  malt  liquor  that  he  could 
not  get  upstairs  without  help,  always  growled  and 
snarled  at  the  sight  of  a  pewter  pot !  To  establish  in 
a  feeble  way  this  individual's  dislike  of  malt  liquor, 
the  eulogist,  it  seems  to  me,  has  trifled  away  the  dog's 
intelligence  altogether.  Nor,  as  illustrating  sagacity,  is 
the  following  anecdote  so  happily  chosen  as  it  might 
be.  Begum  was  a  small  red  cocker  who,  with  a  very 
strange  perception  of  her  own  importance,  engaged  as 
her  attendant  a  mild  Pomeranian  of  her  own  sex,  who 
having  only  three  available  legs,  displayed  the  gentler 
manners  of  a  confirmed  invalid.  Begum,  several  times 


236  Under  the  Punkah. 

in  her  long  and  respected  career,  became  the  joyful 
mother  of  puppies,  and  on  all  these  interesting  occasions 
her  friend  Rip  (or  Mrs.  Gamp,  as  she  came  to  be  called) 
presided  over  her  nursery,  kept  beside  the  mother  in 
her  temporary  seclusion,  exhibited  the  "  little  strangers  " 
to  visitors  with  all  the  mother's  pride  during  her 
absences,  and  in  short,  behaved  herself  like  a  devoted 
friend.  "  Strange  to  say,"  says  the  author,  "  when  the 
poor  nurse  herself  was  dying,  and  Begum  was  brought 
to  her  bedside  to  cheer  her,  the  '  sagacious '  cocker  snuffed 
her  friend  and,  then  leaping  gaily  over  her  prostrate, 
gasping  form,  left  the  stable  for  a  frolic — and  never 
looked  in  again  on  her  faithful  attendant."  This 
narrative,  vouched  for  as  true,  illustrates  the  remarkable 
gratitude  "  which  may  be  almost  said  to  be  a  dog's 
leading  principle." 

Regret  and  grief  dogs  no  doubt  share  also  with 
men,  for  my  own  terrier  when  he  stands  with  sadly 
oscillating  tail  and  his  head  stuck  through  the  area 
railings,  whimpering  for  "the  touch  of  a  vanished 
cat "  and  "  the  sound  of  a  puss  that  is  still,"  bears 
ample  testimony  to  the  former,  nor  when,  out  ferreting, 
the  rabbit  has  mysteriously  disappeared  into  an  im- 
passable earth,  is  there  any  room  for  hesitation  as  to 
Tim's  grief.  His  regret  at  the  rabbit's  evasive  habits  is 
unmistakable.  Mrs.  Sumner  Gibson,  to  illustrate  joy, 
tells  us  of  her  pet,  which  on  seeing  her  unexpectedly 
return  after  a  long  absence  was  violently  sick.  I  remem- 


Dogs  ^ve  have  all  met.  237 

ber  when  at  school  seeing  a  violent  physical  shock, 
accompanied  by  the  same  symptoms,  affect  a  boy  when 
suddenly  approached  by  a  master  while  in  the  act  of 
eating  gooseberries  in  class.  But  none  of  us  attributed 
the  result  to  any  excess  of  delight 

Laziness  is  a  trait  well  exemplified  in  dogs.  Thus 
Cole's  dog  of  ancient  fame  was  so  lazy  that  he  always 
leaned  his  head  against  a  wall  to  bark.  So  did  Ludlam's. 

Courage  is  not  more  common  among  dogs  than  among 
men.  I  had  once  three  dogs  who  accompanied  me  on  a 
certain  occasion  to  a  museum.  The  hall  at  the  entrance 
was  devoted  to  the  larger  mammalia,  and  the  dogs  on  pass- 
ing the  folding  doors  found  themselves  suddenly  con- 
fronted by  the  whole  Order  of  the  Carnivora  all  drawn  up 
according  to  their  families  and  genera,  ready  to  fall  upon 
and  devour  them.  With  a  howl  of  the  most  dismal  horror, 
all  three  flung  themselves  against  the  door,  and  if  I  had 
not  rushed  to  open  it,  would  certainly  have  died  or  gone 
mad  then  and  there  from  sheer  terror.  As  it  was,  they  flew 
through  the  open  door  with  every  individual  hair  on  their 
bodies  standing  out  like  a  wire,  and  arrived  at  home, 
some  three  miles  off,  in  such  a  state  of  alarm  that  my 
servants  were  seriously  alarmed  for  my  safety.  One  of  the 
three  always  slept  in  my  room  at  night,  but  on  the  night 
after  the  fright  howled  so  lamentably,  and  had  such  bad 
dreams,  that  I  had  to  expel  him.  Miss  Cobbe,  perhaps 
as  an  instance  of  signal  courage  in  a  dog,  mentions 
Trip,  a  bull  terrier,  who  ready  apparently  to  fight  any- 


238  Under  the  Punkah. 

thing,  went  into  "paroxysms  of  hysterical  screaming" 
if  an  India  rubber  cushion  was  filled  or  emptied 
with  air  in  her  presence,  and  the  garden  hose  filled 
her  with  such  terror  that  on  the  day  when  it  was  in 
use  "  Trip  "  was  never  to  be  found  on  the  premises,  nor 
would  any  coaxing  or  commands  persuade  her  to  go  into 
the  room  where  the  tube  was  kept  all  the  rest  of  the  week. 
Pride  affects  the  dog  mind,  for  who  has  not  heard 
of  Dawson's  dog  that  was  too  proud  to  take  the  wall 
of  a  dung  cart,  and  so  got  flattened  under  the  wheels  ? 
Vanity  was  admirably  displayed  by  an  old  setter,  who 
often  caused  us  great  inconvenience  by  insisting  on 
following  members  of  the  family  whenever  they  went 
out,  usually  most  inopportunely.  But  one  day  the 
children,  playing  with  it,  tied  a  bow  of  ribbon  on  to  the 
tip  of  its  tail,  and  on  everybody  laughing  at  the  dog's 
appearance,  the  animal  retired  under  the  sofa  and  sulked 
for  an  hour.  Next  day  therefore,  when  Nelson  showed 
every  symptom  of  being  irrepressibly  intent  on  accom- 
panying the  family  to  a  croquet  party  to  which  he  had 
not  been  invited,  it  occurred  to  one  of  the  party  to  try 
the  effect  of  a  bow.  The  ribbon  was  accordingly  brought, 
and  Nelson  being  held  quiet  by  two  of  the  girls,  the 
third  decorated  his  tail.  No  sooner  was  he  released, 
and  discovered  the  adornment,  than  the  self-conscious 
dog  rushed  into  the  house  and  hid  under  the  sofa  !  An 
hour  after  the  party  were  gone,  he  came  out  as  far  as  the 
doorstep,  and  when  the  family  returned  there  was 


Dogs  we  have  all  met.  239 

Nelson  sitting  on  his  haunches  with  the  most  comic  air 
of  having  something  mortifying  to  conceal  and  refraining 
from  even  wagging  his  tail,  lest  the  hateful  bow  should 
be  seen.  Chivalry,  magnanimity,  treachery,  meanness, 
a  sense  of  propriety  or  utter  absence  of  shame,  humour, 
&c.,  may  all  in  turn  be  similarly  proved  to  be  shared  by 
the  dog  world ;  but  it  is  a  singular  fact  that  so  many  of 
the  anecdotes  put  forward  to  illustrate  the  virtues  of  this 
animal  should,  when  read  by  more  sensible  admirers  of 
the  dog,  lend  themselves  to  conflicting  if  not  opposite 
conclusions. 

Indeed,  I  look  upon  the  woolly  little  white  dog  we 
have  all  met  so  often  as  absolutely  criminal.  You  can 
see  what  a  timid  creature  it  is  by  the  way  it  jumps  when 
any  cabman  shouts,  and  yet  its  foolishness  and  greedi- 
ness have  got  as  many  men  into  gaol  as  a  street  riot 
would  have  done.  You  have  only  to  look  at  it  to  see 
what  an  easy  dog  it  is  to  steal.  In  fact,  it  was  made  to 
be  stolen,  and  it  faithfully  fulfils  its  destiny.  One  man — 
the  father  of  a  young  family,  too — has  been  in  prison 
twice  for  stealing  that  same  dog.  It  is  true  that,  on  the 
other  hand,  he  has  sold  it  at  a  splendid  profit  on  five 
other  occasions,  and  has  pocketed  a  handsome  reward 
for  "  finding  "  it  several  times  besides,  but  he  nevertheless 
owes  several  weeks'  incarceration  to  that  same  little  dog's 
infamously  criminal  habit  of  looking  so  stealable.  He 
can  no  more  keep  his  hands  off  the  animal  than  needles 
can  help  going  to  the  nearest  loadstone.  It  is  of  no 


240  Under  the  Punkah. 

use  his  trying  to  look  the  other  way,  or  repeating  the 
Lord's  Prayer,  or  thrusting  his  hands  right  down  to  the 
bottom  of  his  breeches'  pockets,  for  as  surely  as  ever  that 
little  dog  comes  by,  "  Jerry  "  will  have  to  steal  it.  It  is 
chiefly  the  dog's  fault.  It  never  follows  its  master  or 
mistress  for  the  time  being  like  a  steady  dog  of  business, 
but  trots  flickeringly  about  the  pavement  as  if  it  was 
going  nowhere  in  particular  with  nobody.  It  makes  ex- 
cursions up  alleys  on  its  own  account,  and  comes  run- 
ning back  in  such  a  hurry  that  it  forgets  whether  it  ought 
to  turn  to  the  right  or  the  left ;  or  it  goes  half  across  a 
road  and  then  takes  fright  at  a  hansom,  and  runs  speed- 
ing down  the  highway  in  front  of  it  under  the  impression 
that  the  cab  is  in  pursuit.  Or  it  loiters  at  a  kerbstone  to 
talk  canine  common-places  to  another  dog,  and  then,  like 
an  idle  errand  boy,  accompanies  its  new  acquaintance  a 
short  way  round  several  corners.  Or  it  mixes  itself  up 
with  an  old  gentleman's  legs,  and  gets  eventually  trodden 
upon,  and  precipitately  makes  off  squeaking  down  the 
middle  of  a  crowded  thoroughfare  into  which  its  owner  can- 
not follow  it.  Of  all  these  weaknesses  Jerry  and  his  com- 
rades are  perfectly  well  aware ;  and  if  you  will  only  follow 
the  dog  for  a  quarter  of  an  hour  you  will  see  the  little 
wretch  get  "  lost,"  as  it  calls  itself — or  as  Jerry  calls  it, 
when  the  policeman  inquires  about  the  dog.  There  are 
some  people  who  go  through  life  leaving  watches  on 
dressing-tables  and  money  on  mantelpieces,  and  then 
prosecute  the  servants  who  steal  them  ;  others  who  lend 


Dogs  ive  have  all  met.  241 

strangers  sovereigns  in  order  to  show  their  "  confidence  " 
in  them,  and  then  call  in  the  police  to  get  the  stranger 
punished;  others  who  post  money  in  open  envelopes,  and 
are  bitterly  indignant  with  the  authorities  because  it  is 
never  received  by  the  addressee ;  many  again  who  walk 
about  with  their  purses  in  pockets  placed  where  morality 
never  meant  pockets  to  be  ;  who,  in  fact,  are  perpetually 
putting  temptation  into  the  way  of  their  weak  brethren, 
and  then  putting  their  weak  brethren  in  gaol.  And  the 
foolish  little  white  dog  that  is  always  getting  itself  stolen 
is  exactly  their  representative  in  the  canine  society, 
which,  dog  enthusiasts  tell  me,  reflects  our  own. 

For  myself,  I  think  the  dignified  position  which  the 
dog  fills  in  human  society  can  be  far  more  worthily 
treated,  than  by  anecdotes  of  his  various  virtues  and 
vices,  for  after  all  he  is  one  of  man's  chiefest  triumphs, 
and  one  of  his  noblest  servants.  "  In  the  beginning 
Allah  created  Man,  and  seeing  what  a  helpless  creature 
he  was  He  gave  him  the  Dog.  And  He  charged  the 
Dog  that  he  should  be  the  eyes  and  the  ears,  the  under- 
standing and  the  legs  of  the  Man." 

The  writer,  Toussenel,  then  goes  on  to  show  how  the 
dog  was  fitted  for  his  important  duties  by  being  inspired 
with  an  overwhelming  sense  of  the  privileges  of  friend- 
ship and  loyal  devotion,  and  a  corresponding  disregard 
of  the  time-wasting  joys  of  family  and  fireside  pleasures, 
thinking,  no  doubt,  with  Bacon,  that  those  without 
families — the  discipline  of  humanity — make  always  the 

R 


242  Under  the  Punkah. 

best  public  servants.  "  He  that  hath  wife  and  children 
hath  given  hostages  to  fortune ;  for  they  are  impediments 
to  great  enterprises,  either  of  virtue  or  mischief."  And 
again,  "  Charity  will  hardly  water  the  ground  where  it 
must  first  fill  a  pool."  The  dog,  therefore,  was  relieved 
of  paternal  affections  in  order  that  he  might  be  able  to 
give  an  undivided  mind  to  the  high  task  set  before  him, 
and  thus  afford  primitive  man,  in  the  flock-tending  days, 
the  leisure  necessary  for  discovering  the  arts  and 
evolving  the  sciences. 

IfTubal  Cain,  for  instance,  had  had  to  run  after  his 
own  herds  [he  could  never  have  got  on  with  his  pan- 
pipes ;  so  the  dog  attended  to  the  sheep  and  the  goats, 
the  kine  and  the  camels,  while  his  master  sat  in  the 
shade  by  the  river,  testing  the  properties  of  reeds.  Music 
was  the  result — thanks  to  the  dog.  In  the  same  way, 
perhaps,  we  might  trace  all  other  great  discoveries  to  the 
same  canine  source,  and,  really,  seeing  even  nowadays, 
when  man  has  become  such  a  self-helping  creature,  how 
many  dogs  keep  men  and  how  many  of  them  support  old 
ladies,  the  philosopher  would  seem  to  have  some  basis 
for  his  fanciful  theory  that,  but  for  dogs,  men  would  still 
have  been  shepherds  and  human  society  still  in  its  patri- 
archal stage.  The  Red  Indians  keep  no  dogs ;  and  what 
is  the  result  ?  All  their  time  is  given  up  to  dog's  work, 
and  they  lead  a  dog's  life  doing  it — chasing  wild  things 
about  and  holloaing  after  them.  Other  peoples,  however, 
who  started  with  them  in  the  race  of  nations,  and  who 


Dogs  we  have  all  met.  243 

utilized  the  dog,  are  now  enjoying  all  the  comforts  of 
nineteenth-century  civilization,  hunting  only  for  amuse- 
ment and  shepherding  only  on  valentines.  Professor 
Huxley  might,  to  the  public  advantage,  follow  out  the  great 
line  of  reasoning  here  so  hastily  hinted  at,  for  perhaps  he 
could  prove  that  the  origin  of  society  has  lain  unsuspected 
all  these  many  centuries,  in  the  great  fact  that  the  dog 
after  all  is  the  germ,  the  protoplasm  of  civilization.  And 
if  the  learned  Professor  wishes  to  fortify  his  own  opinion 
on  this  point,  he  has  only  to  go  to  the  dogs  and  ask  theirs. 
But  he  must  be  prepared  for  humiliating  disclosures. 

If,  indeed,  the  dogs  were  ever  to  have  their  day  all 
together,  instead  of  as  now  frittering  away  their  strength 
by  every  dog  having  his  day  by  himself,  provincial 
humanity  would  have  a  painful  experience  of  its  helpless 
condition,  and  many  a  single  villager  would  go  suddenly 
to  his  grave.  At  present  old  men  and  tiny  children 
suffice  to  "  tend  "  sheep  and  cattle ;  for  their  four-legged 
lieutenants  are  neither  blear-eyed  nor  deaf,  senseless  nor 
decrepid,  and  they  do  all  the  work,  remembering  the 
original  charge  given  to  them  on  prediluvian  plains  that 
they  should  be  "  the  eyes  and  the  ears,  the  understand- 
ing and  the  legs  of  man."  If,  however,  these  useful 
animals  were  to  combine  for  concerted  action,  and  simul- 
taneously take  holiday  all  together,  the  terrible  memory  of 
those  Dog  Days  would  never  perish  from  the  country-side. 
The  plough  and  the  loom  would  be  deserted,  for  all  the 
able-bodied  in  every  parish  would  be  occupied  with  hound- 

R    2 


244  Under  the  Ptmkah. 

ing  their  own  cattle  off  neighbours'  lands,  and,  so  to  speak, 
dogging  their  restless  sheep  from  gap  to  gap.  Every 
available  public  building  would  be  turned  for  the  time  into 
a  pound,  and  Bumble  would  clear  out  the  unremunera- 
tive  tenants  of  the  parochial  workhouse  to  make  room 
for  stray  cattle.  A  far  more  serious  result  would  be 
this  :  that  the  Metropolitan  Meat  Markets  could  not  be 
supplied,  for  our  beef  and  mutton,  remarking  the 
absence  of  the  usual  dog,  would  nimbly  scatter  them- 
selves over  the  shires,  instead  of  following  the  high 
roads  to  town.  Starvation  would  ensue,  and  gaunt 
Famine,  stalking  forth — but  such  a  prospect  is  too 
dreadful  to  pursue,  even  in  fancy ;  for,  though  in  this 
dire  strait  the  uselessness  of  the  dog  might  certainly  point 
it  out  for  consumption,  we  could  not,  even  for  the  sake 
of  cheapened  "  mutton-pies,"  advise  so  suicidal  a  cuisine, 
for  every  one  will  surely  agree  with  me  on  this  point — 
that  the  dog,  though  not  quite  good  enough  to  eat,  is 
far  too  good  to  be  eaten. 

Who,  indeed,  has  not  at  his  fingers'  ends  any  number 
of  stories  of  the  intelligence,  the  fidelity,  and  other 
virtues  of  the  dog?  And  who  at  a  moment's  notice 
could  not  conjure  up  all  the  great  dogs  of  fame — 
U  lysses'  dog  and  Punch's  dog,  Alcibiades'  dog  and  Cer- 
berus, Barry  of  St.  Bernard's  and  "  the  member  of  the 
Humane  Society,"  Gelert  and  Lance's  dog  "  Crab,"  the 
dogs  of  Mtesa,  the  emperor  of  Uganda,  and  that  other 
animal  who,  "  to  serve  some  private  ends,  went  mad,  and 


Dogs  we  have  all  met.  245 

bit  the  man  •"  the  dog  of  Montargis  and  Mother  Hub- 
bard's  dog,  and  the  Greater  and  the  Lesser  Dogs  of  the 
constellations  ;  the  spaniel  of  Mary  Queen  of  Scots  and 
Anubis  of  Egypt;  the  pack  of  the  Spectre  Huntsman 
and  the  Red  Dog  of  the  Savana-durga ;  Ketmir  that  went 
with  the  Seven  Sleepers  into  their  cave,  and  the  poodle 
that  saved  the  Prince  of  Orange  ;  the  barometer  dog  of 
the  Ptamphaoniens,  and  the  dog  "that  worried  the  cat  " 
in  the  notable  history  of  the  "  House  that  Jack  Built ;" 
Tobit's  dog  and  the  dog  in  the  Moon,  Bill  Sikes's  mon- 
grel and  the  dogs  of  Jezreel — with  probably  as  many 
more  that  might  be  recollected  with  little  effort.  Each 
and  all  of  them  have  done  duty  again  and  again  to  point 
a  moral  or  adorn  a  tale,  and  what  an  avalanche  of  re- 
mi  niscences  and  associations  falls  upon  the  mind  when 
we  summon  before  us,  in  all  their  miscellaneous  array,  the 
ban-dogs  and  bloodhounds  of  story,  the  war-hounds  of 
savage  tribes,  the  turnspits  and  truffle  dogs  and  lapdogs 
of  a  past  day,  the  Newfoundlands  and  Scotch  shepherd 
dogs  of  the  present,  the  dogs  used  for  sport  in  England, 
for  work  as  in  the  snows  of  Greenland,  and  in  battle  as 
in  the  plains  of  Equatorial  Africa  !  What  a  multitude 
they  become,  these  dogs  of  a  hundred  varieties,  and  yet 
they  say  the  original  of  them  all  was  a  wretched  thing  of 
the  wolf  kind ;  and  that  the  jackal,  a  poor  dog  gone 
wrong,  shows  what  the  type  might  degenerate  into  if  the 
alliance  between  man  and  dog  were  ruptured  ! 

Problems  enough   even   to   satisfy  modern  inquirers 


246  Under  the  Punkah. 

abound,  therefore,  in  the  subject  of  the  Dog.  The  origin 
of  its  varieties  traverses  all  the  field  of  natural  science, 
and  the  question  of  its  "  consciousness "  involves  all 
metaphysics — a  Pelion  of  enigmas  piled  on  an  Ossa 
of  puzzles.  Writers  on  the  dog  claim  for  it  the  noblest 
attributes  of  humanity,  and  share  with  it  our  meanest 
failings ;  and,  although  the  vast  majority  of  instances  of 
canine  "  mind  "  may  be  classified  under  the  phenomena 
of  self-interest  ^and  imitation,  it  is  humiliating  to  feel 
that,  if  the  dogs  were  to  give  their  opinions  of  men,  the 
same  classification  would  hold  good,  and  that  for  each 
of  their  own  weaknesses  they  could  cite  a  parallel  among 
men.  Were,  then,  the  Egyptians  right  in  thinking  these 
animals  mysteries  beyond  human  comprehension ;  and  is 
all  the  East  wrong  when  it  declares  that  dogs  have  every 
one  of  the  gifts  of  humanity,  and  one  more  besides,  the 
gift  of  seeing  the  air  and  the  spirits  of  the  air,  of  per- 
ceiving that  which  man  is  mercifully  prevented  from 
seeing — Asrael,  the  Angel  of  Death,  as  he  moves  about 
among  the  living  ?  Some  day,  perhaps,  some  one  will  be 
able  to  tell  us  where  dog  consciousness  begins  and  ends, 
and  how  far  dog  intellect  coincides  with  our  own.  An 
authoritative  decision  would  be  welcome,  for,  as  the 
matter  stands,  man  seems  in  some  danger  of  being 
reckoned  only  the  second-best  of  animals. 

In  a  dispassionate  view  of  the  subject,  however,  the 
foibles  of  the  dog  should  not  be,  as  they  so  often 
are,  overlooked. 


Dogs  we  have  all  met.  247 

Indeed,  it  might  be  well  if  some  one  would  compile  a 
"  counter-blast  "  of  remarkable  instances  of  the  intelli- 
gence and  docility  of  man — the  human  Trustys  and 
good  Dog  Trays  that  abound  in  the  world  ;  the  men  who 
have  been  known  to  lose  their  friends  in  the  streets  and 
to  find  them  again  •  who  have  been  carried  to  immense 
distances  by  wrong  trains,  and  turned  up  at  home  after 
all ;  who  recognize  acquaintances  with  every  demon- 
stration of  delight  after  a  long  separation ;  who  carry 
baskets  from  the  baker's  and  do  not  eat  the  contents 
by  the  way ;  who  worry  cats ;  who  rescue  men  from 
drowning  and  from  other  forms  of  death ;  who  howl 
when  they  hear  street  organs ;  who  know  a  thief  when 
he  comes  creeping  up  the  back  stairs  at  midnight,  and 
hold  him  until  help  arrives ;  who  fetch,  and  carry,  and 
beg ;  who,  in  fact,  do  everything  that  a  dog  can  do,  and 
have  died  for  all  the  world  like  Christians. 

Such  instances  of  intelligence  in  men,  and  even 
women,  abound,  and  are  amply  authenticated  by  eye- 
witnesses. 

Nor  are  any  of  the  passions  which  move  dogs 
unknown  to  human  kind,  for  anecdotes  illustrative  of 
anger,  fear,  envy,  courage,  and  so  forth,  are  plentifully 
scattered  up  and  down  the  pages  of  history  and 
biography.  In  short,  looking  at  the  matter  from  both 
sides,  I  really  think  myself  that  there  is  no  reason  for 
supposing  that  man  is  in  any  way  inferior  to  the  dog. 

Yet  I  cannot  help  thinking  that  a  dog-show  is  some- 


248  Under  the  PunkaJi. 

what  of  an  anachronism,  and  a  relic  of  the  darker  ages, 
for,  unless  a  great  deal  that  has  been  written  on  the 
subject  is  nonsense,  the  exhibition  of  these  animals  is  both 
inhuman  in  the  exhibitors  and  degrading  to  the  animals. 
The  dog,  we  have  been  told  again  and  again,  is  some- 
thing better  than  a  mere  beast,  and  instances  have  been 
heaped  together  of  specimens  that  were  even  something 
better  than  human  beings.  They  have  been  held  up  to 
us  as  examples  to  be  imitated  not  only  in  fidelity, 
courage  and  other  moral  virtues,  but  in  intelligence  also ; 
and,  if  this  be  the  case,  if  dogs  think  and  feel  like  men 
and  women,  what  right,  have  we  to  "  show  "  them  as  if 
they  were  mere  horses,  or  cattle,  or  cats  ?  It  is  true  that 
babies  are  sometimes  exhibited,  but  then  infants  at  the 
exhibition  age  are  not  sensitive  in  matters  affecting  the 
display  of  their  bodies,  and  are  barely  human  after  all. 
It  is  also  true  that  barmaids  have  been  "  shown,"  but  this 
was  with  their  own  consent,  and  because  they  liked  it. 
Now,  neither  case  is  analogous  to  that  of  the  dog-show, 
for  "the  friend  of  man  "  is  especially  sensitive  on  many 
points  in  which  at  a  public  exhibition  his  feelings  are 
keenly  wounded,  but  through  which  a  baby  sleeps  or 
bottles  without  the  slightest  symptom  of  affliction ;  while, 
again,  the  dog's  permission  to  be  shown  is  never  asked, 
as  the  barmaid's  is. 

A  really  corresponding  case  would  be  that  presented  if 
some  limited  liability  company  were  to  collect  as  many 
specimens  of  "  inferior  humanity  "  as  they  could,  and  cage 


Dogs  we  have  all  met.  249 

them  all  up  for  the  amusement  of  the  public.  But  what 
would  be  thought  of  such  a  show  of  South  Sea  Islanders 
and  Zulus,  Red  Indians,  Esquimaux,  Maoris,  and  Bush- 
men, Australians  and  Bheels,  Hottentots,  Aztecs  and 
Patagonians,  dreadful  nameless  savages  from  Central 
Africa,  and  queer  nomad  folk  from  Central  Asia, 
Tchik-Tchiks  from  Tchuk-Tchuk,  cannibals  and  Cuban 
slaves,  idiots,  atheists,  and  habitual  drunkards,  half- 
breeds  of  all  kinds,  dwarfs  and  giants,  Albinos,  and  "  the 
hairy  families  of  Burmah,"  troglodytes,  lake  and  tree 
dwellers,  two-headed  nightingales  and  Macrobians,  Ari- 
masps,  anthropophagi,  and  all  the  other  eccentricities  and 
diversities  of  mankind,  which  as  yet  are  only  by  courtesy 
admitted  as  men  ?  Everybody  would  of  course  go  to  see 
them,  but  many  would  come  away  shocked.  Imagine,  for 
example,  the  feelings  of  the  cannibal  in  the  centre  of  such 
an  exhibition,  and  the  mental  torture  to  which  the  poor 
creature  would  be  subjected ;  or  think  for  a  moment  of 
the  sufferings  of  the  Choctaw  at  seeing  all  day  and  hear- 
ing all  through  the  night  the  voice  of  a  hereditary  foe  of 
the  Sioux  tribe  in  the  next  cage.  Have  dwarfs  no  feel- 
ings, or  giants  no  susceptibilities  ?  Yet  we  have  been 
repeatedly  told  that  the  dog  is  a  link  between  man  and 
beast,  sometimes  even  that  man  is  only  a  second-rate 
dog;  and,  notwithstanding  this,  we  deliberately  take 
advantage  of  our  superior  cunning  and  appliances  for 
transport,  to  carry  off  to  a  "  Show  "  all  the  kinds  of  dogs 
we  can  find,  the  little  ones  in  hampers,  the  big  ones  in 


250  Under  the  Punkah. 

four-wheeled  cabs,  and,  having  arranged  our  fellow-beings 
according  to  classes,  solemnly  proceed  to  award  them 
prizes  for  excellence  !  Either,  then,  the  dog-show  is  an 
anachronism,  or  the  superior  theory  of  dogs  is  untenable, 
and,  at  any  rate,  the  two  are  not  compatible  in  reason. 

Whether  the  dogs  will  ever  be  able  to  turn  the  tables  on 
us  and  organize  a  man-show  it  is,  of  course,  impossible 
to  say :  but  there  is  no  doubt  that  if  they  did,  and  if 
they  would  admit  the  general  public  on  payment  to  the 
exhibition,  the  speculation  would  be  immensely  diverting 
and  also  very  remunerative.  A  foxhunter  in  a  cage 
would  be  an  infinitely  more  interesting  object  than  a 
foxhound,  and  a  monk  of  St.  Bernard's  certainly  not  less 
attractive  than  his  mastiff.  At  present  we  go  to  look  at 
lapdogs  grouped  together  in  pens,  but  who  would  not 
prefer  going  to  see  their  pretty  owners,  all  dressed  up 
for  the  day,  with  blue  ribbons  round  their  necks,  and 
little  silver  bells  that  tinkled  ?  In  another  class  of  pet 
dogs,  the  wheezy  poodles,  the  display  of  elderly  females 
would  be  full  of  instruction,  and  it  would  also  be  an 
admirable  discipline  to  go  round  the  various  types  of 
sportsmen,  shepherds,  carriage  folk,  blind  men,  drovers, 
ratcatchers,  Humane  Society's  men,  and  other  human 
correlates  of  the  dogs,  that  would  be  exhibited  if  the  dogs 
only  had  their  day.  Or  the  dog-show  of  the  future  might 
be  an  equitable  fusion  of  the  two  species,  men  and  dogs 
together.  At  present  men  and  women  have  everything 
in  their  own  hands,  and  for  some  reason,  pretend  one 


Dogs  we  have  all  met*  251 

day  that  the  dog  is  half-human,  and  on  the  next  "  show  " 
him  in  public  as  if  he  were  only  a  cat.  In  the  future  it 
may  be  the  dogs  will  have  the  best  of  it,  and  put  men  up 
for  prizes  in  the  same  objectionable  way,  awarding  medals 
for  the  length  of  their  legs  or  the  blackness  of  the  roofs 
of  their  mouths.  Meanwhile,  we  may  anticipate  matters 
by  acting  honestly  up  to  our  theories,  and  exhibiting 
side  by  side  the  poacher  and  his  cur,  the  hunting-man 
and  his  hound.  This  would  be  both  generous  and  be- 
coming, and  we  should  escape  the  charge  which  may  now 
be  fairly  levelled  at  us  of  sporting  with  the  feelings  of 
creatures  which  we  declare  to  be  as  susceptible  as  ourselves. 
But  if  such  a  scheme  should  prove  in  advance  of  the 
times,  we  would  suggest  the  compromise  of  showing  only 
such  dogs  as  are  remarkable  for  moral  and  intellectual 
points  rather  than  physical  qualities.  Thus,  instead  of 
degrading  the  creatures  into  classes  of  rat-hunting,  long- 
haired, snub-nosed,  or  curly-tailed  animals,  we  might  ex- 
hibit them  according  to  their  degrees  of  virtue,  in  grades 
of  fidelity,  chivalry,  humour,  magnanimity,  courage, 
modesty,  patience,  intelligence,  gratitude,  affection,  and 
so  forth — with  a  special  department,  it  might  be,  for 
uncleanly,  gluttonous,  proud,  covetous  and  ill-tempered 
specimens,  and  for  dogs  that  worry  cats.  No  dog  could 
object  to  such  a  show  as  this,  for  he  would  be  at  once 
placed  on  a  par  with  ourselves,  with  Sunday-school  chil- 
dren and  the  Victoria-cross  heroes,  men  who  save  lives 
at  the  risk  of  their  own,  and  prizemen  at  our  Universities 


252  Under  the  Punkah. 

— with,  in  fact,  every  class  of  men  who  have  to  parade 
in  public  for  the  reception  of  honours  worthily  won.  The 
dog  that  repeatedly  carried  a  basket  from  a  baker's,  and 
never  touched  the  contents  would  then  feel  no  humili- 
ation in  being  admired  :  and,  in  a  community  of  admira- 
tion, the  dogs  that  love  their  masters  and  know  them 
when  they  meet  them  again  need  suffer  from  no  wounded 
susceptibilies  at  such  public  exhibitions.  A  bandy- 
legged bull-dog  is  considered  at  present  a  prize  medalist, 
and  the  more  bandy  the  greater  its  merit;  but  what 
sensible  dog  could  take  credit  to  itself  for  such  a  shape  ? 
A  glance  at  it,  or  at  the  turnspit,  a  mere  cylinder  on 
castors,  suffices  to  show,  if  the  expression  on  the  face 
goes  for  anything,  that  each  considers  it  is  being  made  a 
fool  of;  while  in  the  pathetic  endurance  of  the  larger 
breeds  there  is  evident  a  very  dignified  protest  against 
the  process  of  exhibition,  the  monotony  and  the  dis- 
comforts of  it,  the  vulgar  clamour  of  neighbours,  the 
tedious  length  of  the  show,  the  triviality  of  the  spectators' 
sympathy  and  the  irrelevance  of  their  observations.  But 
in  the  kind  of  collection  we  suggest  there  need  be  no 
outrage  to  individual  feelings,  for  Punch  dogs  would  be 
there  as  representing  the  popular  British  drama,  and  not 
as  mongrels ;  and  the  mangy  old  colley,  that  had  saved 
its  master  a  handsome  fortune  in  sheep,  would  take  pre- 
cedence of  the  oiled  and  curled  darlings  of  the  drawing- 
room  hearthrug. 

As   an   improvement,  therefore,   upon    the    ordinary 


Dogs  we  have  all  met.  253 

exhibition,  I  would  suggest  one  either  of  men  and  dogs 
together,  or  else  "  a  moral  dog-show."  A  great  number  of 
people  are  tired  of  preposterous  poodles  and  impossible 
cockers,  and  would  like  to  see  a  more  generous  attention 
directed  to  the  development  of  virtues.  Legs  and  tails 
and  other  things  of  the  kind  are  no  doubt  all  excellent 
in  their  way,  but  now  that  we  have  proved  by  demonstra- 
tion how  much  tail  a  dog  can  carry  and  how  little  leg  he 
can  do  with,  it  would  be  interesting  to  know  how  often, 
for  instance,  a  dog  can  be  stolen  and  get  home  again,  or 
how  far  he  can  go  wrong  and  set  himself  right.  It  is 
beyond  a  doubt,  now,  that  a  dog's  lower  teeth  can  be 
made  to  project  until  he  can  nearly  scratch  his  forehead 
with  them ;  but  would  that  dog,  if  his  own  master  came 
creeping  up  the  back  stairs  in  listed  slippers  in  the  middle 
of  the  night,  distinguish  him  from  a  housebreaker  ?  Ex- 
periments have  long  ago  satisfied  us  that  the  number  of 
rats  a  terrior  can  kill  in  a  given  time  is  something  pro- 
digious ;  but  where  shall  we  look  for  the  chivalrous  dog 
who,  being  set  after  a  rat,  refused  to  catch  it,  because  he 
saw  it  had  a  broken  leg?  Such  specimens  as  these,  the 
moral  and  intellectual  animals — or  perhaps  we  ought  to 
call  them  persons — of  whom  we  have  read  so  much  would 
constitute  a  dog-show  of  great  interest ;  and  if  to  them 
could  only  be  added  a  few  of  the  more  celebrated  dogs 
of  the  day,  such  as  the  Derby  dog,  Bismarck's  dog,  or  the 
dog  in  the  moon,  the  attractions  of  the  collection  would 
be  much  enhanced. 


254  Under  the  Punkah. 

It  is  too  late  of  course  to  think  of  any  of  the  Crusaders' 
dogs,  or  the  hound  that  followed  the  Indian  prince  so 
faithfully  to  heaven  ;  the  black  brute  in  Faust,  or  the  fifty 
animals  of  Acteon's  pack ;  the  dog  that  Socrates  always 
swore  by,  or  King  Lear's  ungrateful  pets ;  Mcera,  the  dog 
of  Icarios,  whom  we  call  Procyon,  or  the  hounds  of  Ate; 
King  Arthur's  favourite  mastiff  Cavall,  or  Aubrey's 
champion  ;  Fingal's  dog  Bran,  or  Boatswain,  Lord  Byron's 
retriever,  or  angry  Zoilus  the  great  dog  of  Thrace ;  Geryon's 
brutes,  or  "glutton"  and  "the  bear-killer  that  Orion  owned. 
These  and  many  another  dog  famous  in  the  past  are  gone 
beyond  recall.  But  the  descendants  of  some  of  them 
survive,  of  the  dogs  that  went  into  the  ark  with  Noah  for 
instance,  while  the  posterity  of  Anubis  are  still  to  be  met 
prowling  about  the  bazaars  of  the  Nile  villages,  and  in 
Greece  may  be  found  the  lineal  posterity  of  the  dogs  that 
tore  Euripides  to  pieces,  or  even  those  to  which  the  wily 
Ulysses  nearly  fell  a  victim.  Agrippa's  dog,  that  had  a 
devil  chained  to  his  collar — so  contemporary  history 
gravely  assures  us — would  be  out  of  place,  as  he  is  cer- 
tainly out  of  date,  at  the  Crystal  Palace ;  but  there  are 
still  to  be  had  for  the  collecting,  many  dogs  of  great  his- 
torical association.  The  true  breed  of  Sirius  is  a  vexed 
question  to  this  .day,  but  should  be  settled ;  and  it  will 
need  a  great  deal  of  special  training  to  get  little  dogs  to 
laugh  at  the  pranks  of  cats  and  fiddles,  or  greater  ones, 
like  that  of  Alexander,  to  revenge  themselves  on  enemies 
only  by  silent  contempt.  The  problems  of  the  dog 


Dogs  we  have  all  met.  255 

world,  and  the  many  phases  of  dog  life  which  still  remain 
to  be  exhibited,  are,  therefore,  it  will  be  seen,  both 
numerous  and  varied,  and  if  it  were  possible  to  combine 
them  by  illustration  in  a  single  Exhibition,  the  moral  dog- 
show  of  the  future  would  be  both  a  pleasing  and  an 
instructive  novelty. 


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ST.   JOHN'S  SQUARE. 


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List  of  Publications.  T  5 


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List  of  Publications.  23 


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28  Sampson  Low,  Mars  ton,  &>  Go's 

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Written  to  Order;   the  Journeying*  of  an  Irresponsible  Egotist. 

Crown  Svo,  6s. 

yRIARTE  (Charles)  Florence:  its  History.     Translated  by 
•*•     C.  B.   PITMAN.     Illustrated  with  500  Engravings.     Large  imperial 

4to,  extra  binding,  gilt  edges,  63^.;  or  12  Parts,  5.5-.  each. 

History  ;  the  Medici ;  the  Humanists ;  letters  ;  arts  ;  the  Renaissance  ; 

illustrious  Florentines;  Etruscan  art;  monuments;  sculpture;  painting.. 


Hontton: 

SAMPSON  LOW,  MARSTON,   SEARLE,   &  RIVINGTON, 
CROWN  BUILDINGS,  188,  FLEET  STREET,  B.C. 


University  of  California 

SOUTHERN  REGIONAL  LIBRARY  FACILITY 

305  De  Neve  Drive  -  Parking  Lot  17  •  Box  951388 

LOS  ANGELES,  CALIFORNIA  90095-1388 

Return  this  material  to  the  library  from  which  it  was  borrowed. 


OCT 


16  21 


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