Nick Offerman Goes Undercover on Twitter, YouTube, and Reddit

Hi, I'm Nick Offerman, and today I'm going undercover

on a place I dislike: the internet.

(typing)

It's Actually Me.

(typing)

I'm not even good at opening laptops.

(people laugh)

Let's start with Twitter.

Hey Nick Offerman, where does this mustache rate

on the Ron Swanson scale?

3...out of 100.

Sent.

(Nick laughs)

Nick Offerman, I made a bat on the lathe.

What do you think?

Small.

Too small.

(Nick laughs)

It was my first head shot.

All anyone really needs is a young Nick Offerman

to grow with.

I don't know, I could do without the earring.

Props on the mutton chops.

Officially posted.

YouTube.

Many people are saying that we are a divided nation.

Offerman 2020?

I don't think so.

I am not a law maker.

I am not trained in the law.

I don't think a blow hard performer from NBC

should ever consider running for office.

Seems like commong sense to me.

Sent.

Why does he use a tumbler instead of a glencairn??

Is he a barbarian??

If a vessel holds a beverage without spilling or dripping,

then I consider it an appropriate vessel.

Wikipedia.

Wikipedia.

That is actually me.

Offerman is a die-hard Chicago Cubs and Chicago Bears fan.

He and his wife play guitar together in their free time.

I would call myself a die-hard Cubs fan.

I'm not a die-hard Bears fan.

I don't watch a lot of football.

My wife and I like to do puzzles together in our free time

and make sweet, slow, languorous love.

And enter.

Instagram.

I think my neighbor's cat bares a resemblance

to one of my favorite Pawnee public employees.

I'll take that as a compliment.

Transmission complete.

Mr. Offerman aka Ron Swanson is healing up nicely.

Come at me with more portraits.

This is a very well-rendered tattoo of my face

on human flesh, and I will try to continue

living my life in a way that you're not one day sorry.

I know what I'm about son.

I'm not sure you do what you're about.

That is a pretty attractive rendering of my several chins

but I'm not sure, uh, that Ron would ever wear that shirt.

What...what planet is behind him?

Fascinating.

Thank you.

What the fuck.

My new Ron Swanson tattoo on my forearm.

I hope you have a fine collection of long-sleeved shirts.

I appreciate the bacon heart.

Your work is true, and I wish you a long life.

Got to do this Ron Swanson on @rrplillie !

Thanks so much lady!

It was lots of fun!

There's rather a maritime quality to this tattoo,

as well as an uncooked steak.

All of which I applaud.

Sent.

Reddit.

Officially on the internets.

I'm a 23 year old black male and all I want in life

is to be Ron Swanson.

Don't tell me it's not possible.

Don't.

Please.

It's not possible.

How long has he been doing this?

How powerful is he?!?

How long has he been doing what?

And he's probably medium powerful.

IMDb.

My IMDb trademarks are characters that express

a large amount of machismo, deadpan style delivery,

and mustache.

A fourth trademark I would add

is surprisingly graceful dancer.

Posted.

Quora.

What is the most badass thing about Nick Offerman?

His readiness to cry.

Submit.

Is there anybody in real life like Ron Swanson?

Probably not.

He's a brilliant fictional creation

of some really smart comedy writers.

He wouldn't be that appetizing of a person.

(Nick laughs)

He'd have high points, but generally would be

pretty boring and pedantic.

Response transmitted.

Yahoo Answers.

Is Nick Offerman really a libertarian?

While I admire the philosophy of the libertarian mindset,

I think it's proven to be ineffectual

in actual governance.

So no, I am not.

I'm a free-thinking American.

Sent.

Who would win in a fight?

Chuck Norris or Ron Swanson?

Good question, probably Chuck Norris.

He's a trained fighter, and Ron Swanson

is a government bureaucrat who can throw a punch, but

I think training would win out in the end.

Enter.

Do women like good moustaches?

Some do.

Some don't.

There's no accounting for taste.

It's actually me.

More Quorea.

Does Nick Offerman really play the saxophone?

I do really play the saxophone.

Not nearly as well as Duke Silver.

I started on the baritone sax in 5th grade,

and became a pretty competent tenor sax player.

I sat first chair in my high school's jazz band,

and won the Louis Armstrong jazz award

upon graduation in 1988.

And I believe that was considered the peak

of my own saxophone career.

Sent.

Which actors have been influenced by Nick Offerman?

Now how in the world would I know

the answer to that question?

Anthony Hopkins, I would guess,

has been influenced by me.

Meryl Streep.

I've noticed she's mimicked some of my facial tics,

which I take as a compliment.

And Benedict Cumberbatch started using facial hair

in some of his recent movies, so...you tell me.

In four words, what is Nick Offerman like in real life?

Coquettish.

Cute.

As.

Hell.

That's it for now.

I hope that I answered some of your questions,

and I've once again confirmed that the internet

is not where I would like to be.

Oops, hang on.