Knowing Who You Are:

Exploring Your Identity Workbook

Workbook for class led by Coaching Community Managers, Kali Fields
Williams and Kathleen Bauer on using values and strength-based approaches
to explore your identity and learning how to incorporate these tools into your
daily routine.
Values Exploration Exercise

STEP 1: Take a look at this list of Core Values. Which resonate with you at first glance? Don’t
overthink it. Circle ten of them.

Source: The Happiness Planner

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STEP 2: Looking at the wellness wheel below, which areas do those values show up in your life?

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STEP 3: Return to the list of core values. Using a different color pen, circle words that are actually
showing up in your life currently. Write down your top five.

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STEP 4: List those values that resonated with you but aren’t showing up in your life.

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STEP 5: Compare lists from Step 4 and Step 5. Write down the final five values you want to embody.

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STEP 6: Are there values which aren’t reflected in your life currently, that you would like to be?
List them here. How can you begin to incorporate these into your life?

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Discovering Your Strengths
We have all formed identities that shape who we are and what's possible for us, but sometimes we
struggle to decide how to examine our lives so we can reach that next level. You can take an online
assessment to identify strengths, such as through tools like Via Character Strengths Survey or Clifton
Strengths Assessment. But, you can take it one step further by conducting your own strengths
assessment. (Not sure what strengths are? Visit https://www.viacharacter.org/character-strengths or
https://www.gallup.com/cliftonstrengths/en/253715/34-cliftonstrengths-themes.aspx for examples.)

Conducting Your Strengths Assessment

What are you proud of yourself for? Looking back through your entire life, take the time to write out
everything you really hold pride in yourself for accomplishing, doing, releasing, ignoring, finding,
creating, developing, uncovering, recognizing, surviving, etc. These don’t need to be big moments to
anyone else, but were defining moments of your life that required you to take action in some form.
And after every item you write, ask yourself, “what else?” until you can honestly say that you have no
other answer after sitting with that question. Don’t stop unless you have at least 10 experiences.

For each experience, write down how that experience affected you and shaped who you are. Also,
ask yourself, “How did I accomplish that?” and “What did I have to do to succeed in this experience?”.
Get honest and do this for every single item on your list. These point to the strengths you drew from
in those experiences and the strengths you carry around and can draw from again. Take a look at
the examples below, then fill up the rest of the table with your own responses.

A defining How this moment I accomplished this/ My process points to

moment I am affected/shaped who succeeded by… these strengths...
proud of I am/my identity
myself for:

Example: Graduating Before school my identity was 1) Time management, 2) Asking for help 1) Organization, Prioritization &
from college while wrapped up in being a mother. Now from friends and family with babysitting, 3) Planning 2) Communication &
raising my toddler I see myself as a scholar and that Relentless commitment to my goal forgoing Vulnerability, 3) Determination,
I can be both. partying, travel, and date nights. Perseverance & Courage

Example: Surviving I now know that I am a survivor. I 1) Weekly video game nights with family & 1) Connection & Leadership 2)
the emotional distress, can survive anything. If I can get friends, 2) Reaching out for help from my Connection, Vulnerability & Self
trauma and fear of through covid, I can get through coach & therapist, 3) Doing a social media awareness 3) Judgment &
COVID anything. & news fast, 4) Meditating every day, 5) Perspective, 4) Self-regulation,
Having a daily gratitude practice Mindfulness & Spirituality, 5)
Gratitude, Mindfulness &
Appreciation of beauty

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A defining How this moment I accomplished this/ My process points to
moment I am affected/shaped who succeeded by… these strengths...
proud of I am/my identity
myself for:

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Now go through and list out those things other people notice about you and are impressed or would
be impressed that you have done, succeeded in, accomplished, avoided, etc.

We often don’t recognize all of our own strengths, particularly those things that come easy to us or
seem so natural to us. There’s no reason to guess what people recognize in you— you can ask the
people who know and love you best for their answers to what they see as your strengths and what
they have been impressed with your ability to do/achieve/try/experience/explore.

Keep asking until again you have 10 answers. Ask, at minimum, 3 people who know you and ideally
from different arenas (e.g. a work buddy, a partner, a family member, a friend, someone at your
church, someone who participates in a sport or hobby with you, etc.).

Who? Characteristics, strengths, accomplishments or This points to

experiences that others recognize in me… these strengths:

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From these lists of strengths and attributes created of your own and shared by others, what are the
common themes? What do you notice keeps coming up between people and your own stories?
These aren’t just your strengths, but your superpowers. These are the ways you transform the
world. This is what makes you so very special and why you can never be compared to anyone else.

Write down those strengths here:

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Using Strengths to Navigate Challenges
Challenges, mistakes, or a sense of failure can cause us to question ourselves, who we are, and
ultimately our identity. It can cause us to compare ourselves and go into negative self-talk that
pushes us toward anxious and depressed thinking. Connecting with our strengths gives us the
opportunity to prevent an identity crisis and negative thinking when the inevitable challenges
happen. Use these questions to reflect on your challenges.

“If you feel lost, disappointed, hesitant, or weak, return to yourself, to who you are here and now, and
when you get there you will discover yourself, like a lotus flower in full bloom, even in a muddy pond,
beautiful and strong.” ― Masaru Emoto

1. What happened that created this upset?

Ex: I received a negative performance review at work.

2. How has this experience been affecting you?

Ex: 1) I’m feeling embarrassed. 2) I’m comparing myself to other employees. 3) I’m feeling angry and blaming others. 4)
And at other times I'm judging myself harshly and then I start feeling really bad about myself and doubting myself.

3. What is the outcome you want? What do you want to happen next?
Ex: I want to be recognized at my workplace as a key employee. I want to hold my head up high at work. I want a
promotion and respect from my colleagues and boss.

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4. What was your approach prior to this outcome?
Ex: I assumed I was doing well. I trusted that everything I was doing was correct and the best choice. My boss and I didn’t
really chat about my performance. We didn’t meet much at all. I’ve been focused on implementing.

5. What have you learned from this experience?

Ex: That I need to ask for more feedback. I had no idea that I was doing poorly. I thought it was the job of my boss to
tell me but he didn’t so I need to ask. I think this shocked me because I didn’t see it coming. I thought I was doing a good
job. If I had known I could have made changes sooner.

6. Looking back at your answer to #2. When have you experienced those emotions/ thoughts/
behaviors like these before and made it through?

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Ex: I remember in school getting a really bad grade once when all of my friends did so well on their papers. They wanted
to go out and celebrate and I was so embarrassed about them knowing that I failed (well almost failed the paper). I went
back and forth between blaming my roommate for keeping me up the night before and blaming myself for being too stupid
for the program. It was bad. Gosh, it was awful.

7. How did you get through that tough time before when you experienced a lot of these same
thoughts and feelings?
Ex: Well, I drank too much which didn’t help, but then I called my brother and told him what happened and he told me
about his own school challenges and also reminded me how good I was at math growing up compared to him. It felt better
to talk about it and know that I’m not alone. And then I kicked it into high gear. I stopped going out with friends over
the next couple months and really buckled down and studied like crazy so I could do well on the final exam to make up
for the grade on my paper. And I sat in the front row, answered every question thrown at us and did everything I could to
prove myself. That professor ended up writing me a letter of recommendation for grad school which was pretty amazing
after that one gnarly grade!

8. Look again at how you got through this other situation. What were the strengths you used to
get through it?
Ex: 1) Connection and vulnerability 2) Perseverance and committing myself

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9. How can you apply those same strengths to this situation? What will you do next to improve
this situation?
Ex: I could reach out to a couple colleagues that have been at the company longer than me, share what happened and see
what ideas they have for me for how I can turn things around (connection & vulnerability). And I can commit to growth,
like a non-stop pursuit to improving myself. Not being embarrassed about getting feedback from my boss but requesting it
constantly so that this doesn’t happen again and I can improve and grow in the way that the company is looking for.
(perseverance & self-commitment) And the drinking and self-wallowing didn’t help last time so I’m not going to go there
again this time!

10. What are other strengths that you have been cultivating or that you have used in other
situations that might help you in this one?

You have the choice and ability to respond to this difficult emotion or difficult situation in creative
new ways. Identify a strength such as hope, forgiveness, perspective, bravery, creativity, kindness to
self, gratitude, etc., to help you transform this negative emotion and to create a positive shift in
perspective that better serves you.

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Ex: When I was in school, I didn’t really care about learning and just wanted the degree, but I’ve come to
realize how beneficial it is to learn new things and to grow through self-education. I would like to love learning
and push myself to learn something new to grow at my job.

"Challenges are gifts that force us to search for a new center of gravity. Don't fight them. Just find a
different way to stand." ―Oprah Winfrey

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Developing Strengths
Strength-based identity formation does not need to be passive. There are certain strengths that are
the foundation of who we are because of what we have been through, but we can also create
strengths through the habits we choose. What may not be a strength for us today, becomes a
strength a year from now when we look back and see the habits we have created around something.
What receives our attention through daily practice becomes what we strive for, which determines
our reality and how we view ourselves.

Habits and Identity

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1. What are the main habits that affect how you feel about yourself in the areas of emotional,
spiritual, intellectual, physical, environmental, financial, occupational, and social wellness?
Ex: “Because I smoke I'm not a healthy person.”
“I run every mon, wed, fri and that makes me feel healthy.”
“I meditate daily, which makes me feel mindful and self-aware.”

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2. These habits help form the picture of yourself and give clues for how you can change your
identity and feel better about yourself. Which of your habits are supporting you to build
strengths that you want to cultivate? Circle or highlight those to keep those front of mind.

3. If there are any areas that don’t feel so good, what could be more empowering habits for
you? It’s much easier to add versus taking away habits so aim to add new healthier habits in
the areas you want to grow strengths in and as you develop those strengths you may find
that the habits you don’t want to cultivate naturally fall away. Start by creating a new habit in
what feels beyond simple and doable so it is achievable. Once that simple habit becomes
routine, you can add time or challenge to it. Keep the strength you are cultivating with your
new habit in the present tense. Start with one new habit at a time. What could be the one
new habit you are starting with this month?
Ex: I am healthy. I eat a vegetable every day. (April)

I am healthy. I go for a walk around the block daily (May).

I am mindful. I meditate for 3 minutes/day. (June)

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Daily Practice

At the end of each day journal on:

1) Three things you are grateful for from that day - small or large
2) Three things you are proud of yourself for from that day, large or small
3) One thing you could improve upon citing very specifically how (only one!)

This creates not only a place to log your strengths (“proud of self”) and values (“gratitudes”), but also
a way to grow from a space of self-awareness and thoughtfulness. These don’t need to be big. In fact
the smaller they are, the more we rewire our brain to start finding the small things we appreciate
about ourselves and our lives. The harder it is to do this practice, the more our brain starts
searching for things to include during our days.

Give it a try for today here, then start a journal for future dates.

1. Three things I’m grateful for from today:

The smell of rain today, the birds chirping lifted my spirits, the child that smiled at me gave me hope, the sound of my

wife laughing brought me so much joy.

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2. Three things I’m proud of myself for from today:

I made it out of bed today without pressing snooze, I took a shower and changed my clothes even though I’m working from

home, I packed a lunch.

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3. 1 thing I could improve upon (with the how and the specifics):

I ate a whole bag of chips today while I was working. I didn’t even pay attention or get to enjoy them! What I could have
done was to fill a bowl with the chips I wanted and put the rest of the bag back in the cupboard.

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Create a Personal Vision Statement Using Your Values &
Strengths
“Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose.” --Viktor E.
Frankl

Aspects to include
1. What outcomes do you want in your life? What value(s) do you want to create more of/
experience more of/ live into more in your life? What’s important to you?
For example, seeking to cultivate more bravery, more compassion, more humility.

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2. Who do you want to create this for? Who will be the recipients of values or purpose? Often
this will be for ourselves, though sometimes we are living more into values to improve the
relationships in our lives.
For example, we might be seeking to create more fun in our lives as a way to better connect
with our children or we might be seeking to create more empathy to strengthen our
relationships with family and friends. If part of your personal mission is to create social
change, you might be living into a value to support a group of people.

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3. What are your skills/habits/strengths you’ll rely upon? Your superpowers… These can be
strengths that are endemic to who you are or they could be strengths that you are seeking
to build in your life through daily practice.
For example, perhaps you explain complex things really clearly or you would like to. Perhaps
you are calling into your life more bravery to take action for what really matters to you (what
matters to you would be your values).

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(2)_________________________________________________________________________________________

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*Note that any details about how you will do something is goals-work that you could develop out
with your coach. Your personal mission statement is the why behind your goals. Your personal
mission should inspire you to take action on your goals and inspire you to live more into your values
and through your strengths.

Personal Vision Statement Template:

To [call upon these strengths]... so that [why this is important, what are your
values].... [include who this is for if your supporting others through your strengths]

Examples:
1. “To be a teacher. And to be known for inspiring my students to be more than they thought they
could be.” — Oprah Winfrey

Broken into parts this looks like: “To be a teacher [the strength Oprah is calling upon]. And to
be known for inspiring [value] my students [whom the action is directed toward] to be more
than they thought they could be [value].”

2. “My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some
compassion, some humor, and some style.” Maya Angelou

Broken into parts this looks like: “My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive
[thriving is the strength she is calling upon]; and to do so with some passion, some
compassion, some humor, and some style [the 4 values she will hold in mind as she engages
with her strength].”

3. "To use my gifts of intelligence, charisma, and serial optimism to cultivate the self-worth and
net-worth of women around the world." — Amanda Steinberg, founder of DailyWorth

Broken into parts this looks like: "To use my gifts of intelligence, charisma, and serial
optimism [these are her 3 strengths she is calling upon] to cultivate the self-worth and
net-worth [the value of abundance] of women around the world [whom this is directed at]."

Your Turn!

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Personal Vision Statement Template: To [call upon these strengths]... so that [why this is
important, what are your values].... [include who this is for if your supporting others through your
strengths]

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Making it Stick: Put your Personal Vision Statement up where you can see it and every morning,
read it to yourself until it is memorized and you can feel it in your bones. As you make decisions
throughout your days, continue to keep in mind your Vision Statement and what you are creating in
your life.

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Additional Reading

Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones by James Clear (2018)

Authentic Happiness: Using the New Positive Psychology to Realize Your Potential for Lasting
Fulfillment by Martin E. P. Seligman (2004)

Authentic Resilience: Bringing Your Strengths to Life! by Fatima Doman (2020)

Authentic Strengths by Fatima Doman (2016)

The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level by Gay Hendricks (2010)

Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself: How to Lose Your Mind and Create a New One by Joe Dispenza
(2012)

The Charge: Activating the 10 Human Drives That Make You Feel Alive by Brendon Burchard (2012)

The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You
Are by Brené Brown (2010)

Go Put Your Strengths to Work: 6 Powerful Steps to Achieve Outstanding Performance by Marcus
Buckingham (2010)

Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol Dweck (2016)

The Post-Traumatic Growth Guidebook: Practical Mind-Body Tools to Heal Trauma, Foster Resilience
and Awaken Your Potential by Arielle Schwartz (2020)

The Posttraumatic Growth Workbook: Coming Through Trauma Wiser, Stronger, and More Resilient
by Richard G Tedeschi PhD & Bret A Moore (2016)

Rising Strong: How the Ability to Reset Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Brene
Brown (2017)

Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself Paperback by Dr. Kristin Neff (2015)

The Self Under Siege: A Therapeutic Model for Differentiation 1st Edition, Kindle Edition

by Robert W. Firestone, Lisa Firestone & Joyce Catlett (2012)

What Doesn't Kill Us: The New Psychology of Posttraumatic Growth Paperback by Stephen Joseph
(2013)

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