The Magazine Devoted to Mental Health Apr 2018 / £4

ON YOUR MARKS

Exercise THE

Your MOTHER
Empathy
OF ALL
CHALLENGES
Alex Jones rallies
Do Good... Feel Good a dream team for
charity

Mind CEO MUST READ

Paul Farmer on the
Pace of Change in MH With every clump of
hair that disappeared,
I felt I’d lost part of

4
me, too
Things You Need to Know About
GLUTEN-FREE – Maria's story p26
(...we asked an expert)
BETWEEN
Alexandra Burke
THE
SHEETS
LOOKING Wellbeing Benefits
of the 'Big O'

TOTHE Real Life

04

HORIZON
happiful.com | £4.00

Great Reads
373000

Healthy Hacks
9 772514

Working Through Grief and

Finding Her Inner Strength Uplifting News
SHARE YOUR LIGHT
“Tho󰇻s󰈜󰈡ds o󰈆 c󰇧󰇳󰈨l󰈥s 󰈝an 󰇨e 󰇱󰇯t 󰈇rom 󰇧
si󰇳󰈪le 󰈛󰈜󰈡d󰇰e, an󰈧 󰇺he 󰇰󰇯󰈆e of t󰇭󰈥 ca󰇳󰈨le 󰇿󰇯󰇱l
not 󰇩e s󰇬󰈣rte󰇳e󰈨. Hap󰇴󰇮󰈡󰈥ss 󰈡eve󰇶 󰈨󰈥c󰇶e󰇧󰈤󰈥s
b󰈂 󰇩e󰇮n󰇫 󰈤h󰈜󰇶e󰈨.” – Ga󰇻t󰈜󰇲a B󰇻󰈨d󰇬󰈜
Editor’s MESSAGE

Editor’s Favourites:
The inspirational mothers on p14 Our cover star Alexandra on p18 Our top 10 picks for April on p45

Make It Count
“You can’t repeat the past,” Nick tells Gatsby, in one of We can rise above. We can choose to find the positives,
my favourite tales of all time. even in the bleakest situations. We can show that what
happens to us does not define us.
“Why, of course you can,” comes the ever-hopeful
response. The inspirational women taking part in this year’s “Mother
of All Challenges for Sport Relief” are a shining example
While hope should never be discouraged, one of this. They’ve faced traumatic experiences, but their
unfortunate thing in life is that there are things beyond spirits can’t be defeated. They’re showing others who’ve
our control. experienced miscarriages, fertility struggles, perinatal
depression, or PTSD from labour, they’re not alone, they
As much as Gatsby believed it possible to relive the have nothing to be ashamed of, and there is a light at the
past, currently, we don’t have access to time-travelling end of the tunnel.
DeLoreans, or Bernard’s mystic watch, so we have to
make do with accepting the present for what it is. We can’t change the past, but what we can do is make
every second count.
But, whether we believe in fate, or luck, or divine
intervention, there are times when we’re faced with As another literary great, JRR Tolkien, wrote: “All we have
circumstances we couldn’t have predicted. Good to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.”
things fall in some of our laps, while others are dealt
a bad hand. Sometimes it’s our start in life, and
sometimes it’s a bolt out of the blue. Happy reading,

While we can’t stop the bad things coming, the one

thing we can control is how we choose to react.
We can fall apart, feel sorry for ourselves, fear the
unknown – all perfectly reasonable responses. But, Rebecca Thair
while it’s not an easy option, deciding against these is
something we can do. Acting Editor

Don’t forget to join us on social media, we

love getting to know you!

happiful.com happifulhq @happifulhq @happiful_magazine

This Month in Happiful

Contents April 2018

14 18

50p
from every copy
sold through a
subscription goes to
Sport Relief.
Check out our print
subscrition offer
on p66
Features

40
14 SPORT RELIEF
The One Show’s ‘Mother of All Challenges’
sees Alex Jones team up with four women to
shine a light on maternal mental health

18 ALEXANDRA BURKE
The Strictly star speaks about her grief, anxiety
Life Stories
and love of crystals, in our intimate interview 26 MARIA HOCKING
When Maria lost her hair, she felt she lost her
30 LIFE LESSONS
Happiful Hacks
identity. But a dawning realisation reminded
An in-depth look at adolescent mental health, her of all she had to be grateful for
and how beyond the basics, we need to
educate teenagers for life 38 GEORGIA DODSWORTH 28 GARDENING
How horticultural therapy can be a breath of
Grew up with ME, depression, anxiety and
fresh air for your mind
40 MIND MATTERS borderline personality disorder, but found
The CEO of mental health charity Mind, Paul positivity in the power of self-care
Farmer, discusses the progress of policy in the 37 SAVE THE PLANET
mental health agenda Tips on how you can be more eco-friendly
58 CHRIS DUDLEY around the home to protect our Earth
Hiding who he truly was manifested in mental
48 SIMONA BROWN illness for Chris, who’s OCD and depression
Discussing portraying mental illness on the ruled his life until he finally took off his mask 46 SELF-DEFENCE
screen with the upcoming star Boost your confidence when out and about by
learning some basic skills to protect yourself
74 LADY GERALDINE ELLIOTT
50 THE POWER OF MOVEMENT After losing her hearing aged seven, Lady
Working out while saving society, supporting Geraldine hid her deafness and learnt to lip- 56 MENTAL HEALTH AT WORK
our physical and mental health, and taking a read. But in finding the courage to seek help, Advice on broaching the subject in your job
step forward with empathy runs she opened herself up to a world of music and preparing for the conversation
Look INSIDE

The truth that

SUBSCRIBE
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sheets... enjoy! Print

Mar 2018 / £4
l Healt h
Devot ed to Menta
The Maga zine

happiful magazine
| March 2018
alth Rese
l He ar
nta
WE '

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*M

*
THE PEOPLE

SWEAR
Saving ON
TO TAKE
MENTAL ILLNESS'

Our MQ Charity

World

The Magaz
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Find Your Balanc

Life

ine
time
One tech at a

Work
Devoted to
Be 󰇮󰇮󰇮󰇮󰇮󰇮󰇮󰇮󰇮󰇮󰇮󰇮󰇮
pa󰇫󰇫󰇫󰇫󰇫󰇫󰇫
󰇪󰇪󰇪
Mak󰇪󰇪󰇪󰇪󰇪󰇪󰇪󰇪󰇪󰇪󰇪󰇪󰇪󰇪󰇪󰇪󰇪󰇪󰇪󰇪󰇪󰇪󰇪󰇪󰇪󰇪󰇪

10

Mental He
SELF-CARE MH POLICY

alth
ESSENTIALS
e
The Time is Now
ell
The Power of Massag Alastair Campb
Calls for Action
Juno Dawson: Unsung Heroes

BORN
Life Hacks
Expert Advice

THIS
Real Inspiration
| £4.00
happiful.com 03

happiful.com
WAY 9 772514
373000

Issue 11
s always been
Embracing who she'
17:33
31/01/2018

2-3
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48
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The Uplift
UK post and packaging included
7 NEWS Exclusive offers
Ethical fashion, the school that’s top of the class,
and Digby the UK’s first guide-horse A chat with Competitions and prize draws!
up and coming
actress Simona
11 THE WELLBEING WRAP Brown
A quick review of this month’s good news Digital

12 VIRTUE SIGNALLING
How genuine is our empathy?

Food & Drink

62 GLUTEN-FREE DIETS
What they entail, and who benefits from them

70 BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS
A delicious recipe to get your day off to the best start

FREE
Completely free online
Lifestyle & Relationships Same great content as in print

67 FAMILY DYNAMICS Exclusive offers

Learning from our family tree
Competitions!
72 INSPIRATIONAL READS
Books to encourage kids to dream big

78 THE BIG ‘O’

The health and wellbeing benefits of orgasms OUR PLEDGE
For every tree we use to
82 HERO OF THE MONTH print this magazine, we
The woman leaving pockets of happiness to brighten will ensure two more are
strangers’ days planted or grown.

Visit happiful.com
This Month in Happiful

EXPERT PANEL
OUR
Introducing the professionals behind
Happiful magazine who help to ensure we
deliver the highest quality advice

TEAM
EDITORIAL

eg Ind
Rebecca Thair | Acting Editor

PR
) g
(Re

AC
), B
Kathryn Wheeler | Editorial Assistant
CP

ed
BA

M cc
g), CP
(A
(Re MBA
MUKCP
Keith Howitt | Sub-Editor
FE ROBINSON GRAEME ORR Fe Robinson | Expert Advisor
Fe is a psychotherapist Graeme is a counsellor who Amy-Jean Burns | Art Director
and clinical supervisor. specialises in relationships
Fe advises on our content. and advises on our life stories. Tristan Baliuag | Designer

CONTRIBUTORS
Gemma Calvert, Bonnie Evie Gifford, Ellen Hoggard,
Maurice Richmond, Emma Shearer, Becky Wright,
Lucy Donoughue, Dawn Shotton, Lucy Cavendish,
Maria Hocking, Georgia Dodsworth, Chris Dudley,
Lady Geraldine Elliott, Rachel Coffey

SPECIAL THANKS
Joseph Sinclair, Katrina Appie, Rio Sreedharan,
str
M

LP P
AN AC
BA M MB Nathan Klein, Graeme Orr, Claire Nicholson,
RACHEL COFFEY LUCY CAVENDISH Anita Gaisford, Claire Basil, Sarah Shakespeare
Rachel is a life coach Lucy is an integrative
looking to encourage counsellor and a regular PR & MARKETING
confidence and motivation. contributor to The Times. Maurice Richmond | Digital Marketing & PR
[email protected]

Matt Holman | Advisor

[email protected]

THE HAPPIFUL NETWORK

Lucy Donoughue | Head of Content
Amie Sparrow | PR Manager

cP CP
T Ali Yates | Membership Marketing
BS M,
MSc, DIPCN
Ross East | Marketing Executive
DAWN SHOTTON SARAH SHAKESPEARE
Dawn is a registered dietician Sarah is a nutritional therapist and MANAGEMENT
with more than 20 years of personal trainer, who takes a non- Aimi Maunders | Director & Co-Founder
experience. diet approach with clients. Emma White | Director & Co-Founder
Paul Maunders | Director & Co-Founder
Steve White | Finance Director
This magazine is FSC certified. Please help us preserve our planet by recycling
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The opinions, views and values expressed in Happiful are those of the authors of Contact Us
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that content and do not necessarily represent our opinions, views or values.
Nothing in the magazine constitutes advice on which you should rely. It is provided
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Positive news that transforms the world

Research conducted by the TV

channel Dave has found that
regular gaming can help us
create stronger friendships

STUDY

Game helps schizophrenia

patients soothe voices Gaming can
Researchers have created a video game that calms the part of boost your
the brain linked to verbal hallucinations social life

R
Contrary to the commonly held
belief that gaming can cause
esearchers from King’s College They were asked to use the mental strategies
us to become insular and anti-
London’s Institute of Psychiatry, they had been taught to control the rocket. social, research conducted by
Psychology and Neuroscience and When they did so, the volume of the voices was the TV channel Dave has found
the University of Roehampton turned down, and gradually the voices became that regular gaming can help
have developed a game that helps more “internal” rather than “external”, making us create stronger friendships,
schizophrenia patients who had previously not them less stressful and easier to deal with. with the average gamer having
responded well to medication. The aim is for patients to learn how to use made a minimum of three
In the study, 12 patients, who suffered with these same techniques in their daily lives and, friends through gaming. The
same poll found that 43% feel
severe verbal hallucinations, were asked to land while this study is still in the preliminary stages,
gaming is misrepresented as
a rocket in a game, while they were in an MRI the results are promising and it is hoped the an antisocial hobby, with three
scanner. As they were playing the game, sensors research will lead to further breakthroughs into in five participants saying they
were attached to the part of the brain which innovative ways to treat mental illnesses. play games in order to connect
responds to speech and voices. Writing | Kathryn Wheeler with others.

April 2018 • happiful • 7

The Uplift

FASHION
How
does it
work?
• Your order arrives –
you love it

• You’ll find a unique

New fashion
code printed on the care
label

• Head to
brand does ninetypercent.com/vote
to read about the causes

exactly what • Enter your unique

code and vote to

it says on
support your chosen
cause

• At the end of the

the label financial year, Ninety
Percent calculate how
much will be donated
Ethical fashion’s newest face is giving 90% and where to

of its profits to charitable causes • From 90% of

distributable profits,
80% will be shared with

L
causes, 5% with those
aunched in February, London-based consumers are turning up the heat. It’s 2018 who make the clothes
contemporary womenswear label, and they want to know who makes their clothes and 5% with those who
Ninety Percent, is unlike any other and how, and where fabrics are coming from. run the brand
fashion brand. Their concept is about Ninety Percent has heard them. Women now
more than just the product they’re selling. It’s have the option to #DressBetter and support
giving back. Giving back 90% of all distributed those making it possible. Oozing relaxed
profits to charity and the people who helped femininity, the collection is low maintenance
make the collection. And that’s not all, Ninety but elegant, with close-fit jersey staples,
Percent are also asking you to decide where sumptuous knits, and prices ranging from £30
their money goes. to £350.
This year, Ninety Percent are working with For Ninety Percent, the materials and
War Child UK, Children’s Hope Foundation, manufacturing process is no secret. All are This year, Ninety
Wild Aid, and Big Life Foundation. carefully chosen and sourced only from Percent are working
Co-founded by Shafiq Hassan and Para industry best-practice suppliers, in countries
Hamilton, with Ben Matthews as Creative such as Bangladesh and Turkey.
with War Child UK,
Director, Ninety Percent is a powerhouse, They say: “Sustainability is an endeavour Children’s Hope
dedicated to making ethical shopping simpler. that’s high on our agenda; we’ll share our Foundation, Wild
The fashion and textile industry remains progress and encourage your feedback as we Aid, and Big Life
a dirty business and many brands are yet to start this journey together.” Foundation
reveal the details of their supply chains, but Writing | Ellen Hoggard

8 • happiful • April 2018

Positive ISSUES

SOCIETY

Blind Digby the guide horse

journalist
Best hoof first: M
and Digby meet ohammed (left)
up

will be first
in UK to get a
guide horse
No horsing around, there’s a new alternative to a canine
Unusual Suspects:
companion for those with visual impairments Therapy Animals

B
Easter, the emotional support
BC journalist Mohammed and friend, and will give Mohammed turkey, was spotted with her
owner, Jodie Smalley, on a
Salim Patel will be the first that independence that is so important.” flight from Seattle to Salt Lake
person in the UK to receive More than 7,000 disabled people City in 2016
a guide horse. Having lost across the UK rely on assistance dogs
most of his sight due to a degenerative to help with daily tasks, offer emotional
In 2005, a Wisconsin
disease, Mohammed, 23, from support, and help them keep their woman discovered that
Blackburn, Lancashire, was unable independence. Guide dogs can help her emotional support
to get a guide dog due to his fear of those living with visual impairments kangaroo would not be
the animals. But a miniature horse gain a new lease on life, however for allowed to accompany her
called Digby could be the key to his some, having a dog may not be a into restaurants
independence. After a successful possibility. According to a YouGov
introduction, eight-month-old Digby survey, Cynophobia – fear of dogs – is Hobie, the emotional support
pot-bellied pig, and her
will receive up to a further two years one of the nation’s top 15 phobias, while owner, were escorted off
training with Katy Smith, from KL Pony All About Allergy places dog allergies a flight in 2014 after the
Therapy, before becoming Mohammed’s amongst the most common types that animal disturbed passengers
full-time guide horse. can affect us. with her noise, and then
Katy trains and offers therapy horse “Guide dogs do an amazing job, but defecated in the cabin
sessions in her local community, often I’m hoping that guide horses will fill the
taking her miniature horses into care need-gap for people who are unable to After developing PTSD
homes, hospitals, and dementia units. have one,” says Katy, “and I’m so excited following a car accident, a
“Digby is an extension of this,” Katy tells for Digby’s future with Mohammed!” man from Florida has relied
on Brutus the squirrel for
Happiful. “He will be a great companion Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford emotional support

April 2018 • happiful • 9

The Uplift

CHILDREN

On
Green
Paper
The visit from Ms Doyle-Price
comes as the Department
of Health and Social Care
is consulting on plans to
improve mental health
support for children and
young people.

The green paper focuses

on earlier intervention and
prevention, especially in
schools and colleges, with the
proposals including creating
community-based mental
health support teams.

A ‘whole-school approach’ to mental

health is the future of education
A London primary school has been praised by the
government’s mental health minister

A
primary school has been hailed as a “pioneer” for “An example: we are based close to London Bridge, the scene
making its mark in children’s mental health provision. of the recent terrorist attacks – and most of our children knew
Charles Dickens School, in south London, received someone who had been there or they live there themselves.
the praise during a visit from the government’s mental We talked a lot after that night and the children could express
health minister, Jackie Doyle-Price. themselves so well, in a way that many parents struggled with.
The state school says it provides a “whole-school approach” “We talked about it and nearly all of the children moved on.
where good mental health is embedded into “every aspect of Those that didn’t, we were able to spot immediately.”
school life” and enables better teaching. Ms Doyle-Price praised the school’s approach, and insists the
It has used mindfulness techniques – such as filling a bell jar government wants mental health leads in schools, support teams
with water and glycerin, then sprinkling in coloured glitter to and reduced waiting times rolled out to at least a fifth to a quarter
represent moods – to transform their approach to wellbeing. of the country by 2022/23.
Cassie Buchanan, the headteacher, said: “We have more time She said: “I had great expectations ahead of this visit, and I’ve
to teach a full curriculum, the school is calmer and for the most not been let down.
part, we are self-healing and resilient. “What I have seen today is staff, pupils and parents all working
“Giving children the tools to manage challenges, to support together and understanding mental health and how it impacts on
each other, and articulate their feelings more precisely, means less every aspect of our lives. I’ve seen what is possible – and I now
time is taken unpicking friendship fall-outs or problems at home, ask every school up and down the country to follow their lead.”
or simply not wanting to join in. Writing | Maurice Richmond

10 • happiful • April 2018

The
wellbeing
Sex is good for
your mental health!
wrap
Weird, wonderful
The skin-to-skin contact we
receive during sex releases the
“cuddle hormone” oxytocin,
according to sex therapist
Vanessa Marin. So, it turns out
having sex on the brain can be
and welcoming news which can help to reduce stress, good for your mind.

Millenials are less

concerned about
data privacy than the TEAM TALK
general public (13% vs Australian Rules
16%)*, despite recent Money saving expert Martin Lewis is Football players,
hacking scandals. Is urging for a six-week window to be athletes and celebrities
enforced, allowing debtors with mental
this a sign that younger have combined to play a
health issues time to get the help they
generations are more need, and preventing creditors from match in Perth to raise
comfortable with contacting people in debt or imposing awareness for youth
interest charges. mental health. Sounds
technology, or that we
need to be more aware like a winner!
of our privacy settings?
*According to data from the Institute of
Business Ethics, 2017
GET YOURSELF A
How
happy
are
You are “seven
times more
you? A step in the
likely” to engage
properly with work
Professor Peter
Kinderman, from the
right direction
tasks if you have University of Liverpool, Join mental health
a best friend in in partnership with charity CLASP in their
the workplace, the BBC’s Tomorrow’s bid to increase mental
according to World campaign, is health awareness, suicide
a report from hoping to boost people’s prevention, and end
happiness. His test, the mental illness stigma, by
Queen of calming frazzled American Business
“Secrets of Happiness”, embarking on a Walking Out
thoughts Ruby Wax is Analytics. Here’s of Darkness event this year.
offers personalised
tweeting up a storm on to our work BFFs, tips on improving your
mindfulness. Join the supporting our mental wellbeing and The first of seven walks
conversation: careers with every mental health – try it will be held in London on
coffee-break and out at 12 May – to sign up, visit
“I use mindfulness to check catch-up! secretsofhappiness.co.uk claspcharity.com
in with my emotions. I love to
hear your mindful moments

‘Paws’ for thought

and exercises - let’s learn
together?”
Hawaiian legislators are aiming seek to curtail “unnecessary
to halt animal testing on the suffering of animals when many
Head to Ruby’s Twitter island chain. Two bills, backed by more effective, animal-free
@rubywax to join. Cruelty-Free International (CFI), methods exist”.
The Uplift | The Explainer

What is
Virtue Signalling?
From charity fun-runs, to slogan t-shirts and
protests, are we only doing ‘good’ things to
make ourselves look virtuous?
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

S
ince the middle of 2016, there’s been a new The Travel Ban sparked mass protest in airports across the
buzzword making headlines and edging its way US. Here in the UK, the response was similar. Speaker of
into debates. “Virtue signalling” is a term used the House of Commons, John Bercow, voiced a preference
to describe the act of showing support or doing to prevent Donald Trump from addressing the House of
something “virtuous” because it makes you look good to Commons, and the condemnation continued online from
your peers, rather than because you truly believe in it. MPs and the public alike. Throughout it all, there was one
It’s true that over the last few years, politics has been phrase dominating the think-pieces and online debates:
creeping into all aspects of culture. The values we present “virtue signalling”.
to others help build our identities. You can see it in the We’d like to hope that people are genuine and they’re
films we watch, the places we go, and the clothes we wear. speaking up because they care about the cause. But if the
Dior’s Spring 2017 collection brought us the “We should all trends tell us anything, it’s that as there has been a rise in
be feminists” slogan T-shirt (which you can buy for a cool the number of people engaging with politics and social
£490). And, whereas a few years ago acceptance speeches justice, others become increasingly sceptical of their
would normally be full of emotional “thank yous”, 2018’s motives.
award season has been dominated by the rallying #MeToo However, although we now have a nifty phrase to
and #TimesUp campaigns. describe it, “virtue signalling” isn’t an entirely new notion.
Google search trends can tell us a lot about culture and “The behaviour behind ‘virtue signalling’ has been going
worldwide conversations, and the term “virtue signalling” on ever since society put a value on doing good for others,”
peaked dramatically on the 29 January 2017. What’s says Rachel Coffey, a qualified life coach. “What has shifted
relevant about that date? It was the day when US federal significantly in recent years though, is the ease with which
judges blocked Executive Order 13769, commonly known your ‘average person’ can share what they think or do with
as Donald Trump’s Travel Ban. an audience.”

12 • happiful • April 2018

Trending
Trending UPDATE
UPDATE

The trends show

that as people begin
to engage more in
politics and social
justice, others
become increasingly
sceptical of their
motives

So, “virtue signalling” does happen from time to While we can’t truly know the real intentions
time. But, when it does, who is it actually hurting? of others, the conversation on “virtue signalling”
“The odd bout of ‘virtue signalling’ in itself offers an opportunity to assess whether or not we
is probably pretty as individuals live authentic lives, and are being
harmless,” says Rachel. true to ourselves.
“It’s part of human “We all need to feel comfortable in our own
nature, and charities skin,” says Rachel. “Living an authentic life allows
‘Virtue signalling’ has have probably done fairly us to have a clarity of thought, confidence to
been going on ever well thanks to this flaw pursue our dreams and build strong relationships
in our personalities – we with others. This is because we know who we are
since society put a all know someone who and what we need to make us happy.”
value on doing good has ended up doing a 5k So, how do we make sure that we’re being
fun-run because they authentic to our true selves? Rachel believes the
for others think it looked good.” key is to be honest with ourselves. “Share things
But, there’s little with others that we genuinely believe in and enjoy
fulfilment to be found in pretending to be – don’t get too swept up in what we think others
something that we’re not. For Rachel, the point at think of us,” Rachel adds. “If in doubt, ask yourself
which “virtue signalling” does become harmful is what the purpose of doing something is. If it’s for
when people become addicted to a cycle of image- attention or admiration, leave it out and spend
crafting and promoting themselves in a way that the time on something you think is really valuable
isn’t true, just to get a reaction. instead.”

April 2018 • happiful • 13

Charity of the Month

SPORT
RELIEF
The Mother of
All Challenges
Testing themselves against the elements, four intrepid mums
team up with The One Show’s Alex Jones to raise awareness
of maternal mental health

S
Writing | Maurice Richmond

port Relief is returning with a bang, as They’ll brave running in the rain, cycling up the
fundraisers are pushed to their physical steepest peaks, walking across rugged terrain, and
limits to raise awareness, particularly of swimming through open waters as “The Mother of
mental health, this year. All Challenges for Sport Relief ” puts them to the test
Radio 1’s Greg James embarked on an like never before.
ambitious 500-mile cycling challenge, It all unfolds on The One Show from Monday 12
climbing three of the UK’s highest March to Friday 16 March, as the five mums push
mountains in just five days in aid of youth mental themselves to breaking point, both raising money for
health. Presenter Zoë Ball is taking up her own Sport Relief and sharing their own stories of maternal
cycling-themed challenge as well, saying she’ll have health to help raise awareness of this important issue
“miles to cover, hills to climb, and a lot of chafing”. and the work Sport Relief does to support it.
But Happiful's main focus from this year’s Alex said: "Tackling [the challenges] as part of a
fundraising bonanza surrounds the activities of The team of mum's makes this the most special thing
One Show’s Alex Jones as she teams up with four I've done for Sport Relief. It will push us out of our
everyday mums (Amal, Debbie, Jodi and Leigh) to comfort zones and test us physically, mentally and
take on a series of epic challenges across the UK. emotionally. I can't wait to get started."

14 • happiful • April 2018

Maternal HEALTH

The Challenge
DAY ONE: Sunday 11 March. DAY FOUR: Thursday 15 March.
Starting on Mother’s Day, the team It’s then on to Alex’s home country
will brave the freezing cold by for the mums, who’ll head deep
swimming a section of Scotland’s underground to navigate a maze
Loch Ness, which boasts an average of Welsh caverns to reach Porth Yr
temperature of just five degrees Ogof cave in the Brecon Beacons.
Celsius in March. In normal weather conditions,
a dry, rocky river bed leads up
DAY TWO: Monday 12 March. to the cave’s main entrance, but
Helvellyn via Swirral Edge in the following rain this soon becomes
Lake District will be the setting for a raging torrent, dubbed Afon
the second day, as the team face Mellte (the Lightning River).
a nerve-racking 870m ascent via Since 2002,
a narrow walkway, followed by a
tricky 800m descent. Sport Relief has raised DAY FIVE: Friday 16 March.
The week climaxes in a marathon

DAY THREE: Tuesday 13 March.

more than finish, tackling a relay run across
the hilly Welsh coast. The fearless
The team will put their endurance
to the test by cycling three of the
Lake District’s toughest passes.
£335 million mums will put their stamina to the
test in order to get over the finish
line in Swansea.
Starting with a climb up Kirkstone
Pass, then on to Windermere’s
shore, finishing up at Honister Continues
Pass and Newlands Pass.

April 2018 • happiful • 15

Charity of the Month

Sport Relief Meet the Team

Amal gearing up for the challenge

LEIGH
Having had two rounds of IVF,
which were both successful but
unfortunately ended in a miscarriage
with the first pregnancy, Leigh is
concerned about the impact fertility
treatment can have on maternal
mental health. The challenge is an
opportunity to prove to herself that
she’s as capable and determined as
she feels she’s become. It’s more common
A lot of women will understand the
burning desire to have a child – IVF than you think to
can offer hope, but can also lead to
not feel consistently
disappointment. The euphoric high AMAL
I felt after discovering the treatment
had worked, was countered by the
positive when you're
plummeting grief when I miscarried. A tough pregnancy took its toll on a new mum
However, I still felt physically and Amal’s mental health. She struggled
mentally strong which allowed me to try with pre-natal depression, a difficult
again and resulted in my beautiful son labour resulted in a damaged pelvic
and daughter. floor, and she felt overwhelmed by
Ahead of the challenge, I think I’ve gone breastfeeding. Amal wants to raise I’m excited and nervous about the
through every emotion possible. I’m not awareness of the trauma women can challenge! It’s going to be mentally and
sure I’d be able to do this on my own, but face before, during, and after childbirth. physically tough, but I’m sure there’ll be one
having the girls and Alex with me means The social narrative of women who haven’t person carrying the “positivity-baton” at all
we can support each other. had children tends not to include chatter times!
Infertility can still carry stigma – that about pelvic floors, incontinence and painful To the mums out there I’d say it’s more
having to resort to IVF is a “failure”. sex. When I asked my GP at eight weeks common than you think to not feel
When I tell people that I had my twins postpartum about what I now understand consistently positive when you’re a new
by IVF, a lot of people look visibly to be symptoms of pelvic floor dysfunction, mum, and to have a physical injury post-
uncomfortable. I want to tell them yes, I was told that it would eventually get birth. I would stress that it certainly isn’t your
look what science can do – I’m now a better. The health visitor I saw immediately fault. If you find yourself in this position,
mum to two fantastic children who I postpartum advised me to start doing ab book an appointment with your doctor. I
might never have met if it hadn’t been for crunches on day two, and I think this reflects didn’t do this early enough, and what’s to
those amazing people in white coats. Let’s the systematic lack of understanding about lose? Talk to others, meet up with other
celebrate it, let’s talk about it more, lets the physical sequelae of birth. The narrative mums, and when you take some time for
share our hopes and disappointments! needs to change. yourself, do it without guilt – you deserve it.

16 • happiful • April 2018

Maternal HEALTH

DEBBIE
After six pregnancies (with fertility
drugs used for four of these)
and two miscarriages, Debbie
experienced a traumatic birth and
delivered at 32 weeks.
The grief curve was part of my
depression but not all of it; the shock
of what happened with the birth of
Ellie was a big part – one minute
I was fine, then I had a pain like a
stitch, and within a few hours I was
told I was bleeding internally and that
my baby was dying inside me.
Alex Jones and the mums She was born by emergency
c-section and I had to have blood
transfusions. Not knowing if she
would be OK, being a mum to my
two older girls and being the “strong”
JODI one took its toll on me. I felt out of
control, incomplete, tired, scared,
When Jodi went into labour four weeks pessimistic, and had no idea what
early, she experienced severe perinatal was happening, so going to a doctor
depression, believing she’d been given the and the subsequent counselling
wrong baby. Following a second pregnancy, educated me and enabled me to build
her depression manifested in exercise "me" again.
bulimia. Jodi wants to help other mums by I’m looking forward to spending
showing them that there is a light at the I want to tell those time and sharing the experiences
end of the tunnel.
When I became pregnant, I thought I was mums suffering in with the other mums. For me, the
challenge is me putting a full stop
ready for all that pregnancy brought with it. I
started out loving how my body was adapting
silence to reach out on my recovery; life is now good,
the kids are growing into wonderful
and changing to support my growing child. But young ladies, I have a wonderful
when I reached six months, I hit a speed bump partner and our future looks bright.
– I was scared of how out of control I was. Doing this challenge is Deb saying
Through the last few months, all I could do I’m back, I’m the best I can be, and
was keep breathing and reminding myself look what I can do.
it was temporary to keep my baby safe and I want to tell those mums suffering in silence I want to show that your mental
healthy. But it culminated in my son being born to reach out – tell your health visitor, tell your health does not define you, and it
early due to my poor mental health. midwife, tell a friend, tell the postman! Start to certainly doesn’t dictate what you can
I feel incredibly lucky to be able to reach out normalise the feelings and have some comfort; and can’t do with your life.
to mums who are feeling lost, scared, lonely, allow help to come.
and confused – the list could go on. A lot of us The challenge itself doesn’t scare me – I spent The Mother of All Challenges for Sport
feel programmed, biologically, to have babies. my whole life feeling like I was failing, but not Relief will feature on ‘The One Show’
When becoming a mummy happens and you any more. I’m going to finish, whatever they from 12–16 March. Visit sportsrelief.
feel like you are “failing” it’s the most confusing throw at me, however long it takes, for my boys com to find out how you can support
time of our lives. and for anyone who thinks they “can’t”. the mums.

April 2018 • happiful • 17

Centre Stage | Alexandra Burke

18 • happiful • April 2018

Strictly SPEAKING

Alexandra Burke:

On the Record
The past 12 months have seen extreme highs
and lows for Alexandra Burke – and couldn’t
have been much more emotionally challenging.
Her hugely supportive mother passed away,
shortly before Alexandra appeared on Strictly
Come Dancing where, despite reaching the final,
she received a torrent of abuse in the papers
and online. But with a new album on the way,
an upcoming stint in the West End, and not to
mention her surprise engagement, the singer is
on the up again, and it’s music to our ears
>>>

Interview | Gemma Calvert Photography | Joseph Sinclair

April 2018 • happiful • 19

a
Centre Stage | Alexandra Burke

the bookmakers’ favourite. But her pure Strictly joy was

short-lived. Despite Alexandra’s technical brilliance, she
twice ended up in the bottom two and found herself
on the receiving end of hostile newspaper stories that
focused on so-called diva-like behaviour, and social
media hounds who criticised her every move.
“If I shed a tear it was: ‘Look at her, she’s fake,' and even
lexandra Burke wants me to if I went the other way it was: ‘She’s too much, I can’t take
proofread a passage of words she has written to thank her her because she’s too positive.’ I felt like I was so trapped
nearest and dearest for supporting her during the making in my own self that I couldn’t be myself,” says Alexandra,
of her album, The Truth Is. It’s six years since the former finally reflecting on the troubles. “I felt like I just needed
X Factor winner has released music – performances to be quiet, that if I shut up I’d please everyone and it’s an
in stage productions of The Bodyguard and Sister Act, absolute shame.”
and competing in last year’s Strictly Come Dancing Alexandra, who reached the final and finished alongside
contributed to the delay – and, there’s no denying it, this former magician’s assistant Debbie McGee, 59, behind
moment is big. winner, Holby City star Joe McFadden, 42, admits all the
Recipients of Alexandra’s gratitude include her friends, “nonsense” has taken its toll on her self-esteem.
her management team, her record label Decca, her “It’s only been in the past 72 hours, after two friends
family and, at the very end, the woman who raised her in said to me ‘You’ve lost your confidence’, that it suddenly
Holloway, north London, as a single mother, supported hit me and I realised: ‘Actually, I think I have’,” she says. “I
her musical dreams and remains her ultimate career idol still don’t feel my true, happy-go-lucky self, but it’s a relief
– her late mother Melissa Bell, a former singer with 80s to admit that. Now I don’t need to always say ‘I’m fine’,
band Soul II Soul, to whom the album is dedicated. because sometimes I’m not.”
The night before we meet at the Happiful photoshoot in As Alexandra talks, her eyes work like emotional
central London, Alexandra, 29, showcased a selection of subtitles to her story, expressing sadness, fear and
songs from the album in a room packed with journalists, fire. She is highly sentient and emotionally honest –
opening with a spine-tingling performance of the title “sometimes too honest” – and speaks up if she feels
track, which describes with agonising exposure her wronged. What’s her opinion, then, of the suggestion
emotion after Melissa died last August at the age of 53, from Tobi Oredein, editor of Black Ballad magazine, that
after a lengthy battle with kidney failure. That very night, the lack of viewer support for Alexandra was rooted in
delirious with grief, Alexandra walked the red carpet at subconscious racial anxieties?
the Strictly launch after pledging to continue her dance “I don’t have an opinion because I don’t see colour,”
show journey in her mum’s honour. she says. “I tell you what hurt me – seeing the headline
So Alexandra danced. Boy, did she dance. In the arms of ‘Alexandra Burke is too black to win Strictly, ballroom
her Spanish professional dance partner, Gorka Marquez, is a white dance’ in the Daily Mail two weeks before the
27, she quickly emerged as the series’ standout star, show ended. In this day and age, that shocked me. Why
regularly topping the leaderboard and swiftly becoming do people see colour when it comes to dance or music?
Blood runs through everyone’s veins
the same way. We’re all human.”
Alexandra’s mature sense of
“I still don't feel my true, perspective, even during the
toughest of times, is impressive and
happy-go-lucky self, but rooted in years of self development,
it's a relief to admit that. which started at the age of 16 when,
Now I don't need to always locked in an abusive relationship,
she turned to Rhonda Byrne’s 2006
say 'I'm fine', because best-seller The Secret for guidance.
sometimes I'm not” Continues >>>

20 • happiful • April 2018

Strictly SPEAKING

'Why do people see colour when

it comes to dance or music? Blood
runs through everyone's veins the
same way. We're all human'
Top and skirt by Umbro, bralet by Freya

April 2018 • happiful • 21

Centre Stage | Alexandra Burke

'There's something about working out

and keeping fit that makes me feel
good, because it takes away everything
mentally for me'

Top and leggings by Bershka

22 • happiful • April 2018

Strictly SPEAKING

Alexandra and the ever-ado

rable
celeb pup Stewie Sinclair
“I left that
relationship because "I was blessed to have
of that book. I was
like: ‘I’m worth so
my mum for 29 years
much more than and I'm heartbroken,
being in an abusive but imagine being 16 or
relationship.’ That’s
what changed even 10. Those are the
my life,” she says. strong people"
“Since then I’ve
read The Power Of
Now, by Eckhart
Tolle, and The Four
Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz, and I downloaded The
Secret Daily Teachings app. I used it every single day on
the Strictly tour when, mentally, I was going through a
lot. I know that with every negative you can feel down, Conversation inevitably turns to Prince Harry, co-
but you have to find the positive in everything you go founder of mental wellbeing charity Heads Together,
through.” who was just 12 when his mum, Princess Diana, died.
Completing a life coaching course in 2014 during an Last year he admitted that he only sought professional
18-month stint in New York after some career highs counselling two years ago after bottling up his feelings for
(her debut single "Bad Boys" and album Overcome were 16 years.
number ones) and lows (her second album Heartbreak “I get that,” nods Alexandra slowly. “It’s easier said than
On Hold only reached number 18, and in June 2013 done to say to people: ‘Talk.’ There is a limit that I go to
her former record label RCA terminated her contract), when I’m in interviews and get asked about my mum. I
armed Alexandra with the tools to flip negativity on can talk about her having kidney failure, I can talk openly
its head. It’s the “nearest” she has gone to experiencing about diabetes and making people aware, I can talk about
talking therapy – something she believes she isn’t ready when she got sick. Anything deeper than that, I can’t go
to seek so soon after her mum’s death. to, for myself. I haven’t even done it with my family.”
“People have said to me that it’s not something to be Alexandra does, naturally, find emotional release
afraid of; I just don’t know where I am mentally to take through music. Many The Truth Is songs – including
that step yet,” explains Alexandra, adding that in the her first single "Shadow" – are punctuated with
days leading up to our cover shoot, she found comfort autobiographical outpourings.
watching Rio Ferdinand’s BBC1 documentary Being “It’s difficult for me to come out and say: ‘This is
Mum and Dad, which sees the ex-footballer meet what I’m feeling like in my reality.’ It’s easier to write a
families coping with bereavement, following the death song about it. I use writing as my therapy, as my way
of his wife Rebecca to cancer in May 2015. of releasing and letting go,” she says. She speaks with
“Everything he said at the beginning [of the comfort of the “plenty” of people around her who care,
documentary] about not feeling ready to talk – he said namely her siblings David, 30, Aaron, 24, and Sheniece,
everything that I’m afraid to say and it gave me hope,” 31, and her stage manager fiancé Josh Gillenny, who
she says. “I watched it with my brother and we both she met three years ago on the set of The Bodyguard.
looked at each other and said: ‘It’s good to talk, you have They live together in Hertfordshire with their four dogs
to talk.’” (her “babies”) and got engaged in January after Josh, 31,
“It has crossed my mind to do a documentary based whisked her away on a surprise Eurostar trip to Paris.
on grief, especially for young people who have lost their Alexandra’s eye-popping diamond ring is off her finger
parents. I was blessed to have my mum for 29 years and today (“I’m not wearing it on photo shoots”) but her
I’m heartbroken, but imagine being 16 or even 10. Those excitement about becoming a Mrs is palpable.
are the strong people.” Continues >>>

April 2018 • happiful • 23

Centre Stage | Alexandra Burke

"I'm bottling a lot up and I don't

know when I'll be ready to go
there, but it isn't now. I keep saying
to myself 'one day at a time' and
all I want to focus on is – yes, the
album – but also my happiness"

and three dress sizes in just under three years by eating

healthily and working out.
Truthfully, Alexandra never stops. For the first thirty
minutes of our shoot time, she is huddled in a corner,
reading glasses on, writing her thank you script,
approving album photography and, later, finalising outfit
plans for a performance at London’s GAY the following
night. After Strictly, she hit the road for three weeks on
tour, and after the current spate of album promos will
“What’s special for me is that somebody could love me star in a new West End revival of the musical Chess,
enough to want to marry me and spend the rest of their alongside Michael Ball.
life with me,” she smiles. “That’s really special. I’m so Alexandra says “distraction” has been her “saviour”
happy that he's shown me love actually really does exist.” during this transitional and deeply sensitive period of
Previously, Alexandra has been fairly unlucky in love her life, but grief experts warn that keeping busy can be
and today, perched on a leather sofa in our studio, she detrimental because it only serves as a tactic to bury the
pulls her knees closer as she describes how leaving her pain. Perhaps it’s time she took a break to take stock?
first “awful” relationship sparked an episode of anxiety. “The one day I took off, Valentine’s Day, I very quickly
Things worsened when she found fame on the X Factor went into a very dark place – I was getting quite upset
and anxiety still affects her, most recently after her mum’s and staring into space – so I found myself in Halfords
funeral. buying air fresheners for my car and in M&S buying
“My symptoms are physical,” explains Alexandra when some daffodils, mum’s favourite flower,” says Alexandra.
I ask how she feels before an attack. A fidgety or numb “I’m exhausted emotionally, mentally and physically
leg, she says, is one sign. She also feels “physical pain” in and I know it’s because I’m bottling a lot up and I don’t
her chest, often at night, but refuses to take prescribed know when I’ll be ready to go there, but it isn’t now and
medication for the problem. because of that, I just keep working. I keep saying to
“I’ve always dealt with it the natural way,” says myself ‘one day at a time’ and all I want to focus on is –
Alexandra. “I use lavender oil, drink lemongrass tea and yes, the album – but also my happiness.”
I spray my bed with a lavender mist. I’m a firm believer Perhaps, really, there isn’t one set way to behave during
in crystals as well. I always carry one and have one next a bereavement, and the fact that Alexandra isn’t beating
to my bed. Nature definitely helps too – I love going for herself up about her approach to living with grief screams
long walks.” more of self-protection and self-love than foolishness.
It’s the same story with the gym. Even during two- “I know that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel,” she
performance days on the Strictly tour, Alexandra’s daily admits, before heading back to Hertfordshire, armed
commitment to exercise never faltered because she with a box of cakes for Josh and a whole lot of trust in
regards it as an investment in her body and mind. her heart. “I haven’t found mine yet, but I’m hoping I’m a
“There’s something about working out and keeping fit little bit closer.”
that makes me feel good because it takes away everything Alexandra's new album 'The Truth Is' is out 16 March
mentally for me,” says Alexandra who has lost two stone with Decca Records.

24 • happiful • April 2018

Strictly SPEAKING
Dress by Elisabetta Franchi

Makeup | Katrina Appie using By Terry,

Chantecaille, Sunday Riley, and Nars
Hair | Rio Sreedharan using Ouai hair care
April 2018 • happiful • 25
Styling | Nathan Klein
Maria’s Story

Alopecia made me feel

I’d lost my identity
After the birth of her second child, Maria Hocking lost all of her hair –
and herself. But everything changed when she realised what she had to be
grateful for. She not only survived the storm, but learned to thrive as a result

Y
“ our hair may grow back,
or you may remain bald
every clump of hair that disappeared, I
felt I’d lost part of me, too.
forever.” I tried to continue with my daily
The consultant routine, but parents who’d always
seemed unaware of the spoken to me in the playground turned
emotional pain that ripped through their backs to me. Others would speak
me. He wrote me a prescription – for a to me, but would keep glancing at my
wig. I collapsed to the floor sobbing; I scalp mid-conversation.
couldn’t believe that it was possible to Not being able to cope with the ‘One morning, I discovered
lose so much in such a short space of outside world, I became a recluse. I quit a bald patch on my scalp’
time: my hair, my confidence, and my my job as a waitress, believing that no
identity. I prayed to disappear. one would want to eat any food served
My journey to rock bottom began by me.
a few weeks earlier, after the birth of The rest of my hair decided it had
my second child. While looking in better places to go, and took along my With every
the bathroom mirror one morning, I eyebrows and eyelashes for the ride. clump of hair
discovered a bald patch on my scalp. The change in my physical appearance
Concerned, I went to my GP, who was devastating, but nothing could have
that disappeared,
told me not to worry. “It’s normal for prepared me for the emotional impact. I felt I’d lost part
women to lose hair after childbirth,” I felt that my soul had disappeared, of me, too
he said. When I woke the next day and leaving nothing but darkness and
discovered another bald patch, I knew despair. I felt not only physically, but
something was wrong. emotionally naked. Crying became part
Over the next few days, more bald of my daily routine, as did desperately choose one that felt “just like me”. I
patches appeared and, to my horror, checking in the mirror for signs of didn’t know who I was anymore, so
started joining together. My morning re-growth. how could I possibly know which wig
showers filled me with dread. I would Following the appointment with the felt like me? I gave up trying to figure
watch what should have been part of consultant, my husband dragged me it out, and settled for a light brown,
me, slither down the plughole. With to my first wig fitting. I was advised to shoulder length head of hair.

26 • happiful • April 2018

True LIFE
I’d always loved sport, the much about myself, and life. Alopecia
receptionist guided me was the first of many challenges I’ve
towards a fitness instructor experienced, but with each challenge I
course. I ended the call and felt looked for the gifts, and grew stronger.
overwhelming relief. The biggest gift of all has been the
As I drove to the college a knowledge gained not only surviving,
few weeks later, relief was soon but thriving through adversity.
replaced with fear. What if my This knowledge gave me the ability
wig fell off? What if people to pursue a career that I’ve found to be
laughed at me? Knowing my dream job. Working as a life coach,
that going home would be motivational speaker and author, I
returning to misery and now help others through personal
stagnation, I pushed through challenges. My message to the world is,
the fear. and will always be: “What happens to
‘I realised I’d been so busy focusing on Arriving at the college, I you, does not define you, but helps to
what I’d lost, that I’d forgotten what I had’ attempted to stand tall and find you.”
stomped into the building. I We will all experience emotional
loudly announced: “Hi, my nakedness throughout our lives, but it’s
The next day, wearing the wig, I name is Maria Hocking. I have alopecia only when we’ve been stripped of who
stared into the bathroom mirror and I wear a wig.” The truth had been we thought we were that we find who
desperately looking for a clue as to who delivered. I refused to hide anymore. we were really meant to be. We need to
I was. The answers never came. The After an awkward silence, there were get naked to get changed. Only when
only thing I was certain about was the a few giggles. I quickly realised they we’ve felt nothing, can we become
feeling of emptiness that fuelled my weren’t laughing at me, but along with everything.
daily torrents of tears. me and my stupendous entrance. In Maria has written a book on her
Wallowing in self pity became that moment, I learnt an important experiences: ‘Strip Naked & Re-Dress
quite a talent, and negative thoughts lesson: when we face our fear, it With Happiness, How To Survive &
dominated my mind. Then, one disappears, instantly and without trace. Thrive Through Personal Challenge’,
day it changed. I’d been crying all People didn’t shun me, or laugh at me. Practical Inspirations £10.99. Visit
morning when I caught sight of my Instead, they showed interest and asked mariahocking.com for more.
three-year-old daughter playing with questions. Being the queen of hair loss
her baby brother. I saw their smiles research, I had all the answers.
and heard their beautiful giggles; the The course progressed and the Our Expert Says
sounds penetrated my heart and soul. emptiness inside began to fill with Many people in Maria’s position, be it
through alopecia or illness, feel like their
In that very moment, I realised I’d been feelings of happiness, and joy. Looking identity is being stripped from them in
so busy focusing on what I’d lost, that in the mirror, I began to see the “real a very public way. It can feel lonely and
incredibly disempowering. But Maria
I’d forgotten what I had. Overwhelmed me”. I wasn’t returning to who I used to realised that her value didn’t lie in her hair,
with gratitude, the answer came. I be, but creating a happier, more fulfilled but within her. It can’t have been easy
taking those first steps into a new world,
couldn’t change the fact that I had “me”. A new confidence filled my mind, but it transformed Maria’s life, setting her
alopecia, but I could change me. and after 12 weeks I started my own on a path of discovery and self-fulfilment.
Knowing I needed something to business in the fitness industry – I even
focus on other than myself, I called used my wig as a branding tool. Rachel Coffey
BA MA NLP Mstr
a local college and, through sobs, I consider my 14 years without hair Reg Ind counsellor
informed them of my situation. As to be a beautiful gift that taught me

April 2018 • happiful • 27

Happiful Hack

4
KEY IDEAS

HOW Gardening
Can Help You
Flourish
Whether growing your own veg, tending
to some pot-plants, or mowing the lawn,
getting outside in the garden can really plant
the seeds for positive mental wellbeing

Writing | Emma Shearer

W
hen I think of gardening, I’m
taken back to when I was a small
girl watching my nan potter
around her garden on a summer’s
day. I used to associate gardening as a hobby for
an older generation, but it can be beneficial for
people of all ages, and is now recognised as a type
of therapy – horticultural therapy.
Here are just some of the wellbeing advantages
that gardening can have, and how you can make
the most of them:

28 • happiful • March 2018

Life LESSONS

Gardening encourages mindfulness

This term describes being entirely focused in a moment. Technology is a constant distraction these days and
it can be difficult to be 100% present. But the sensory element of gardening, or being in the garden, allows us
to home-in. We’re focused on the atmosphere, whether we feel the sun on our face or the breeze on our skin,
1 we can smell the nature around us, and we can feel what we’re doing – be that planting new bulbs or dead-
heading existing flowers. We are well and truly encompassed by the act of gardening.
Mindfulness is a well-known coping mechanism for those who suffer with various mental health issues –
anxiety being a prime example. Gardening can therefore help us refocus; it becomes a healthy distraction,
which promotes relaxation and reduces stress caused by the modern-day world.

Physical activity is linked to an improvement in mental illnesses

There are physical benefits involved with gardening, as it can help individuals maintain mobility – particularly
those who find more strenuous exercise difficult. Whether you’re burning calories by pulling up a stubborn
2 weed, or sweeping up the aftermath, you’re constantly moving. By taking part in any form of gardening activity,
you will naturally use (and eventually strengthen) your bones, muscles and joints.
Physical activity has been linked to an improvement in clinical depression and anxiety in an article published
by Harvard Medical School in 2014. Their review explains that “people who become or remain physically fit or
active are less likely to develop clinical depression” and that gardening can be a great way to keep fit!

Gardening can Help People with disabilities

Thrive
Thrive, the UK's leading charity changing the lives of disabled people through
gardening, explains how the organisation has helped a keen gardener continue
3 his passion, even after a stroke. By taking part in a practical course with a
focus on learning new ways to tackle everything, he now is able to strengthen thrive.org.uk
his mobility. Furthermore, gardening has helped him deal with the emotional
trauma of having a stroke, as he notes: “The team at Thrive helped me realise
that the stroke is over, but life isn’t.”

11,000
gardening sessions
Gardening can encourage a healthier lifestyle
1,100
Anyone who is able to garden and grow things from scratch will feel a sense
of responsibility as they are in control of nurturing another living organism.
There is reward and achievement in watching something grow and come to
life because of your own work and commitment. In addition, gardening may people helped
encourage you to grow your own fruit and veg. If you’ve got a healthy source of
4
25,300
food growing in your back garden, you may be more inclined to eat it.

So, now you know why gardening is not to be sniffed at, especially if, like hours donated by
me, you had a preconception that gardening was only for your dear nan! The volunteers
garden can be a wonderful place for all of us to escape life and reconnect with
it on an entirely new level. As Audrey Hepburn said: “To plant a garden is to *2017 stats from Thrive
believe in tomorrow.”

April 2018 • happiful • 29

Mental Health in the Education Sector

EDUCATION
FOR LIFE
Given that 75% of mental illnesses are established by the time
we turn 25, supporting young people’s mental health as they enter
adolescence – and a peak period of change in their lives – could
make the world of difference in their long-term health. So what
support is out there for them? And can a holistic education prepare
them for all parts of life, beyond academia? Writing | Becky Wright
Life LESSONS

I
heard something the other day The Sixth Form College, Farnborough,
that really made my blood boil: in Hampshire is leading the way for schools
“Oh to be a teenager today. These
kids don’t know they’re born.”
I’m sure you’re familiar with the
sentiment. And sure, wouldn’t it be great
to grow up in the age of the Internet? All
the answers to any question you’ve ever
had, right at your fingertips – or even,
your lips (Hey Siri, anyone?).
But the truth is, it’s never been easy According
to be a teenager. As counsellor Anita to the Office
Gaisford says: “16 to18-year-olds
are at a particularly critical period of for National
vulnerability to mental health issues Statistics,
(with most mental illnesses having their suicide is the
origins in teenage years), as well as then
reaching ‘adulthood’ – a period of major second leading
physiological, emotional and social cause of death
change in their life.”
Yes, society and technology have
for adolescents
progressed massively for Generation high – increasing by 70% in the last 25 be ready to move and young
Z, but the cost of higher education is years. Additionally, NHS data reveals out of their family adults
rising rapidly, as are house prices, not there’s been a 68% increase in teenage home, others may
to mention that youth unemployment girls admitted to hospital for self-harm not do so at all. Some
currently stands at around 13%. It’s over the past decade. It’s as if, rather than teens have large networks of
keeping many young people trapped in acting out, young people are turning in friends and family to look to for support,
what observers are calling “suspended on themselves. while others may be on their own –
adulthood”. But what help is out there for teenagers? reliant on the NHS and social services for
There is growing evidence that teens On average, teenagers spend 195 days help and advice, if they can access it.
are in the grip of a mental-health crisis, at school per year – that’s 53% of the
given that rates of depression and anxiety year. It’s interesting to think about how 2. Falling through the gap
among teenagers are at an all-time this time could be best utilised, to help With all the pressure young people are
prepare and support teenagers with their subjected to growing up, it’s no wonder
long-term mental health. that Child and Adolescent Mental Health
Services (CAMHS) struggle to meet
Almost 19,000 WHAT PROBLEMS ARE
TEENAGERS FACING?
demand across the country. In fact, a
2017 Care Quality Commission report
teenagers were 1. Expectations
Counsellor Anita says: “Society places
observing child mental health services
found that young people can wait as long
admitted to increasing demands on young people
to conform to an ideal which, for some,
as 18 months to receive treatment.
Supply and demand isn’t the end of
hospital for is not attainable. Without emotional
resources in place to cope with this,
the story, either. CAMHS are primarily
focused on people under the age of 18, so
self-harm in a young person’s mental health may
be compromised. This can affect their
young people have traditionally faced a
“cliff edge” of care on their 18th birthday.
2015–16, an self-esteem, can lead to increased risk of
depression, anxiety, bullying, body image
The National Institute for Health and
Care Excellence (NICE) suggest that up
increase of 14% issues, and possibly a fear of failure.”
One societal expectation is that all
to two-thirds of teenagers are “lost” or
receive interruptions to care as they try to
since 2013–14 teenagers mature at 18, when the reality
can be very different. Where some will
access adult services for the first time.
Continues >>>

April 2018 • happiful • 31

Mental Health in the Education Sector

Claire Nicholson, who works in

pastoral care at Bracknell & Wokingham
College says: “The transition into adult
services when you turn 18 is daunting,
3,000 students
and can be overwhelming for some – it’s
not always clear how to get the support
reported mental
that is vitally required.”
health issues
3. Parents
Mental health charity Young Minds has
in 2006, which
found that exams are a significant trigger
for mental illness – which doesn’t come
rose to more
as a huge surprise.
What is surprising, though, is that this
than 15,000 in
anxiety is thought to transfer to parents
as well – who strive to maximise their
be on all of us to do this – from the
government to universities, to parents
2016
children’s accomplishments, seeing and teachers, and even to students
them as an indication of their own themselves. Rather than expecting
value. This can have a direct impact services both within the educational
educators to be experts in mental health,
on young people’s mental health, who environment, and externally.”
we should be looking to inform students
may not only be afraid to disappoint It’s about providing an education that
about what they can do and who to reach
their parents, but, in some cases, are benefits them for life.
out to when they experience a problem.
afraid to talk to them. A study by the In its 2017 report, the Department
Mental Health First Aid (MHFA)
National Citizen Service found that for Education (DfE) identified some
England Director and Youth Lead,
girls, in particular, are more likely to key findings from research into
Caroline Hounsell, responded to this
seek comfort on social media when they mental health provision in schools and
notion, saying: “It’s not about training
are worried, rather than talking to their colleges. Almost two-thirds (64%) felt
people to be therapists or counsellors, but
parents. that the promotion of positive mental
simply ensuring they’re equipped with
health and wellbeing was integrated
the knowledge and confidence to be able
4. University into the school day, while the most
to have conversations around mental
A key life transition, starting university common type of support offered for
health, and signpost young people to
has the potential to be extremely pupils with identified mental health
further support.”
stressful. Recent analysis by the Institute needs was counselling services (61%).
for Public Policy Research has indicated But counselling isn’t the only way
that almost five times as many students WHAT CAN SCHOOLS DO schools can support their students’
have disclosed a mental TO HELP? mental health, and it should be 100%
health condition to their I’m not sure if mental health support is of schools promoting positive mental
In December university, compared a big part of choosing which school or health, daily.
with 10 years ago. college to attend for students or parents. There are many ways to integrate it
2017, the This has led But if it isn’t, maybe it should be. into school and college timetables, but
government some critics to Practical skills to help young people two of the most popular activities are:
take care of their mental health will • Skills development sessions: think
published a ask whether
professors never go out of date; knowing the time management, CV writing,
green paper and lecturers signs to look out for and when to take managing money – useful and
outlining plans need to learn action to improve their wellbeing. practical.
Claire Nicholson says: “The learning • Taught mental health sessions:
to increase about mental
environment needs to feel safe and whether you’ve heard it as
health, in
funding for order to secure, with the student having “Personal, Social and Health
young people’s provide better confidence in staff offering the right Education” (PSHE) or “Tutorial”,
support for guidance when needed. This means these lessons are often an essential
mental health students. advising on and enabling students to part of learning about factors that
But the onus should gain access to the information and can affect mental health.
Life LESSONS

What is the AcSEED

initiative?

Set up in 2010 by members

of the YoungMinds Very
Important Kids project, the
initiative was established
to research the support Students at the Sixth
services available in Form College, Farnborough

Hampshire secondary
schools. In 2011, the
programme won backing SPOTLIGHT ON: FARNBOROUGH SIXTH-FORM
from Hampshire County
Council’s healthy schools One establishment leading the way counsellor via a free, voluntary and
programme and in 2012, in pastoral support is the Sixth Form confidential counselling service, giving
it received support from College, Farnborough. them the extra support they might need.
Throughout their time there, students The college has been recognised for
charities such as Beat.
are provided with regular mental the emphasis and value it places on
health education and advice via a providing mental health and emotional
The initiative has since programme lead by a specialist “Health wellbeing services to their students, by
extended its activities and Wellbeing” team, which includes the AcSEED initiative.
nationwide, with all UK two trained nurses and a Health and Claire Basil, Lead Counsellor at
Wellbeing Co-ordinator. The college the college said: “Given the growing
primary and secondary
also provides workshops on a variety awareness and spotlight on teenage
schools, and colleges now of relevant subjects throughout the mental health, we have worked very
eligible to apply for the academic year, on topics such as hard to provide students with a variety
AcSEED Award. procrastination and time management. of options to support their emotional
Additionally, students have the wellbeing and mental health.”
opportunity to talk to a trained Continues >>>

SO, WHO IS RESPONSIBLE?

April 2018 • happiful • 33
Mental Health in the Education Sector

What else is happening in

schools?

The government has pledged

£200,000 to provide every
secondary school with a
member of staff trained in
mental health first aid. The
funding will help to train
3,000 teaching staff on how
to deal with mental health
issues such as depression,
anxiety, eating disorders and
self-harm, as well as how and
where to refer those pupils in
need of professional help.

34 • happiful • April 2018

Life LESSONS

We need to be aware of the struggles

our teenagers are facing. We need to
guide them as best we can, and direct
them to helpful resources or further
support if needed. But more than
that, we need to make sure they’re
empowered – to take their mental
health into their own hands.

I’M A TEENAGER, HOW

CAN I TAKE CARE OF MY
MENTAL HEALTH?
We all have bad days – sometimes
things might seem overwhelming, but
the important thing to remember is
that you don’t have to cope on your
own. And know that no problem is too
big or too small. Taking care of yourself
sooner rather than later is always the
best step. Who can you
ask for help?
Take responsibility for your
mental health
It’s up to you to tune into your mind
Family & friends
and take care of it on a daily basis Classmates
– you know when something’s not Your GP
quite right. It’s not about mending
something when it’s broken, it’s about Self-care is important A social worker
looking after and nurturing your mind Life is busy. But, however busy you Teacher
every day. are, it’s important to take time out for Counsellor
yourself, to relax and recharge your
Talk to someone batteries. Some conditions like anxiety
You might not like asking for help. You and depression can be caused by “too
may feel that you don’t want to burden much work and not enough play”. Also, be aware of the time of day
other people. You may worry what And, not taking time out for relaxation you’re using technology. We know
they might think or even be afraid may make any existing mental health it’s difficult to switch off your laptop
that they’ll laugh at you. It’s common issue worse. or phone before getting into bed
to have thoughts like this, but think (especially if you struggle to fall
about what you’d say to a friend; would Keep physically healthy asleep). But, it might be the blue lights
you want them to deal with distress It can feel like an extra chore after from your gadgets keeping you awake.
on their own? Of course not. Be your a long day, but a little bit of exercise Avoid using tech at least half an hour
own best friend – don’t be afraid to ask can actually help you to feel better. A before bed if you can – it will help you
someone for help. half-an-hour walk, an exercise class, get some quality shuteye.
If school or college work is getting or a session at the gym can be just the Though, technology’s not all bad.
too much, speak to your teacher, your thing to help you de-stress. Explore ways you can use tech to
form tutor, or another member of staff make you feel good. Try an app like
that you connect with. If your school Use technology mindfully Headspace if you need a few minutes
offers a counselling service, find out Be aware of what triggers your low each day to switch off.
how you can access it. You might be moods. If, like anyone, scrolling Remember, your academic education
able to drop-in, or simply email to refer through Instagram can leave you is important, but nothing is more
yourself for a session. feeling deflated, shut that app down. important than your mental health.

April 2018 • happiful • 35

YOUR TIME WILL COME AGAIN
“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated.”
– Maya Angelou
O UR PL A Take ACTION

A few quick and easy ways to help you

E

SAV

N ET
do your bit for the environment:

1 DITCH THE DISPOSABLES

F ro

e
Disposable plastics, like cutlery, water bottles, and carrier bags

hom
th e
wn

m
are having a disastrous impact on marine life. Next time you
reach to buy a bottle of water for 50p, consider the true com o
cost. It may be pennies to you, but to a baby turtle, it could fort of your
be the difference between life and death. Splash out and buy
yourself a reusable bottle!
Every piece
of
plastic that

2 WASTE NOT, WANT NOT

has
ever been m
ade,
still exists in
the
world today
Buying and cooking the exact amount of food that you plan
to eat plays a crucial part in saving the planet. Imagine the
amount of emissions that are being used to make the seven
million tonnes of household food that goes to waste each
year. This could all be avoided if we took some time to learn
about meal and portion planning. For help with this, visit
s
lovefoodhatewaste.com Wasted food cost
UK househ ol ds
’s
£470 a year. That
the cost of tw o

3 BUY CLOTHES THAT LAST weekend tickets

Glas to !
to

Buy less and buy better. Remember this mantra when you’re next
out shopping. The chances are if you spend a bit more, you will Only
3
get more for your money, meaning your clothes will last longer
old c % of our
and therefore fewer clothes will be sent to landfill. Also, if you’re
sold lothes are
having a clear out, take your things to a charity shop. for
One person’s rubbish is another’s treasure! recla recycling
matio /
n into
textil
es

4 ON YER BIKE Consider se

tting
a r s h are
up a c
You may feel like you’ve heard it all before. But have you heard a t w o rk, or
scheme
that by choosing to cycle or walk instead of taking your car ycling
a walking/c
out once a week could help save tonnes of emissions each wards
club. The re
ater
year? Imagine that feeling you’ll get when you realise you have could be gre
ink
directly impacted the planet, for good! Stick on your walking than you th
boots and go outdoors!
April 2018 • happiful • 37
Georgia’s Story

After years managing my depression

and anxiety, I was diagnosed with ME
Growing up with ME, depression, anxiety and
borderline personality disorder was incredibly difficult
for Georgia Dodsworth, but she found positivity in her
experiences by starting a self-care movement

U
ntil the age of 12, I was a something deeper going on. She took But the fact was, I didn’t feel “normal”
happy child – energetic, me to my GP and he referred me to the in myself and in society. I felt different. I
enthusiastic and curious NHS’s Child and Adolescent Mental felt painful and numb at the same time.
about the world around Health Services (CAMHS). After five sessions, the psychiatrist
me. I had lots of hobbies asked my mum and me to come into
from dancing and swimming, to music the appointment room together. It
lessons. But, I struggled with change. was then, just after my 14th birthday,
Change made me feel anxious; unsure I was diagnosed with anxiety and
of who I was and who I could trust. depression, caused by adolescence. I left
I had mild attachment issues, which Having ME made the appointment feeling strange and
stemmed from my father leaving when my mental health empty. Rather than being comforted by
I was two. When I started puberty, a my diagnoses, I felt blind and confused.
lot of change took place. I started at symptoms worse, I didn’t even know what anxiety and
secondary school, had new friendship and my mental depression were.
groups, and I stopped dance, swimming After 10 psychotherapy sessions,
and music. health made my my therapist suggested I should try
From the beginning of secondary ME worse medication – an SRI antidepressant
school, I hated it. called fluoxetine. At first, the
The evenings after school would go medication didn’t help, and for the
so fast, and I would anxiously count next few years I was back and forth
down the hours before I had to go to the GP, CAMHS and hospital. I
back. I would get angry at the smallest I felt very confused during my initial was experiencing exhaustion more
things – if I couldn’t find a certain set appointment, asking: “Why do I have to and more, feeling heavy like I was
of pyjamas I would have a meltdown, talk to a stranger about my emotions?” wading through golden syrup.
smash everything in my bedroom, and I felt ashamed about going to CAMHS There were times where I physically
sit and cry. When I made it to school, once a week because none of my friends couldn’t get out of bed, and after more
I would give excuses to leave early, but did. I wondered why I couldn’t be like tests, I was diagnosed with Myalgic
luckily my mum could see there was them instead? Encephalopathy (ME).

38 • happiful • April 2018

True LIFE
Having ME made my mental health heard the term Georgia (left) with
symptoms worse, and my mental “self-care”. her mum, Angie
health made my ME worse. It was an Life suddenly took
ongoing cycle. Bit by bit, I gradually a whole new turn.
started to cut myself off from the world. At 18 years old, I
Around the time of the diagnoses, got a place at the
I started having suicidal and Guildhall School of
self-harming thoughts. Music and Drama
I was hardly going to school, and and left CAMHS,
eventually it was decided that I should which was scary
receive home tutoring. This helped, but but I felt ready.
it didn’t make the problem go away. My mental
The first time I overdosed on health journey
fluoxetine was because I wanted people wasn’t over
to hear me. I remember seeing my though. As an
mum’s face when I told her what I’d adult, the mental health services
done. She looked worried and scared, are very different – there’s a lot art-based workshops and discussions.
and deep down, I was too. less funding. Last year I received a The response has been overwhelming,
Reflecting now, I overdosed because diagnosis of borderline personality and I hope that one day I can go into
I felt unsupported and unheard. I disorder. In the two years I’ve been at schools and educate teachers and
thought if I took an overdose, people university, I constantly need to care students on mental health and the
would start to take me more seriously. for my mental health, which is a huge importance of self-care.
However, at the time, I couldn’t learning process for me. I still get I now share my story to encourage
articulate this and, unfortunately, I took suicidal thoughts, however now I know people to start talking about mental
three more overdoses between the ages how to manage them. I’m learning how health, and to raise awareness of how
of 14 and 17. to mother myself, to truly think about powerful self-care is when part of our
Looking back, I can see that the what I need to stay well, both physically routines. Everyone has mental health,
only light in my life was attending and mentally. everyone has emotions, so let’s ask
weekly children’s theatre sessions at This is why self-care is so important ourselves how we feel, let’s ask others,
the Chickenshed Theatre Company to me, and has become a massive and let’s start talking.
– a theatre company that work to part of my everyday routine. It’s
individual’s strengths, finding the
creative environment that enables them
about taking the time out to make
small actions that benefit your mind,
Our Expert Says
Georgia’s experience highlights the
to flourish. I felt accepted and could body, and soul. Self-care is unique to importance of really listening to people and
express myself without being judged. everybody, as it’s about tuning in to making sure they feel heard. Accepting and
not judging symptoms like self-harming
Chickenshed was my safe space for me what you need – not what society is is crucial in supporting those with mental
to just be me. telling you. Practising self-care is a illness. As Georgia notes, self-care is
essential for us all, and each person has
Things started to look up. The challenge, but over time it does become their own unique needs. Having permission
medication was beginning to help, a habit. to be who we are is crucial to strong
mental health, and the person we most
along with the combination of therapy Witnessing the effects of self-care need it from is ourself.
and being away from the pressure of first-hand has inspired me to start a Fe Robinson
school. Over time, I started to know movement: World of Self-Care – a MUKCP (reg) MBACP (reg)
psychotheraist and clinical
myself – and my limits. I was learning platform exploring self-care, self-love supervisor
to look after myself before I’d even and mental wellbeing through

April 2018 • happiful • 39

The Conversation | Mind Matters

Q&A
Could there be a time where mental and physical health
have parity of esteem? Mind boss Paul Farmer speaks to
Maurice Richmond on the challenges mental health faces
today in ‘unravelling decades of underfunding’, and his
hopes for future preventative care

Pushing for Parity

Q How did you become
involved with Mind? Q Some people are
frustrated that awareness
I’ve been working in health and
is good now, but little is
emotional health charities since 1991; happening in terms of
I worked for Samaritans and Rethink policy. Do you agree?
Mental Illness before Mind. The driver
for that is a couple of personal things; There’s three ways to look at this.
in my family there’s a history, like so Firstly, is there a plan for mental
many, of people who have mental health and does it contain money? The
health issues. Also at university, a answer is yes. Secondly, is that going to
good friend of mine had a very bad be delivered? The answer is hopefully,
breakdown and nobody knew what because there’s a lot of momentum
was going on, or what to do. That had behind it, so politicians need to ensure
Paul Farmer, CEO, Mind a big impact on me and, working at it happens. Thirdly, is it sufficient? The
Samaritans, it struck me how it was answer is very clearly, no.
such an important issue for our society. This year is the most crucial in the
Five Year Forward View for mental

Q
health – we’re into the third year. This
What’s changed the most is the point where we want to see real
since you started working change. At the moment, not enough
in mental health? people are seeing enough change.
A good friend of
Q
The way we’ve shifted the stigma line.
mine had a very In the 90s and noughties, the only Why is that?
headlines about mental health were
bad breakdown and when somebody would kill themselves. We’re trying to unpackage decades of
Thanks to things like Time To Change, under-investment, which all parties
nobody knew what and thousands of individual people are responsible for. This won’t change
was going on, or having their conversations, we’ve seen
it shift – I don’t think there would have
overnight. You can’t magic-up doctors,
nurses and therapists without investing
what to do been a Happiful magazine 20 years in their training. That’s happening, but
ago! Now, mental health gets senior there’s no doubt people feel the pace of
management and political attention. change is not fast enough.

40 • happiful • April 2018

Happiful HERO

Q How could things be

speeded up?
Paul Farmer with Mind ambassador
Fearne Cotton at the 2017 Mind
Media Awards

There are some things where you can

move more quickly than others. If you
recognise the role of community-based
mental health services as part of the
overall, then those have a little more
flexibility. Our local Minds are running
these services, and the difference they
make is incredible.
You can quickly invest in those, but
for many people their mental health
experience is not about what happens
inside the NHS. It’s putting mental
health into the heart of criminal justice
policy and social policy, housing for
example. There’s still a lot of work to
do. The best and worst example of this
is in people’s experience of the welfare
system.

Q Does it frustrate you that

some feel mental health is
being used as a political
pawn between parties?
Our objective is to ensure that mental
health is being discussed and features
in the plans of all political parties.
We work with everyone and want to
see mental health treated as the most
important issue.
Q Do you think full parity
between physical and
mental health is possible?
In the last General Election, there
was an analysis of each party’s political It wasn’t that long ago that nobody was
manifesto, and each contained more talking about cancer, now you can’t
Active Monitoring
references to mental health than any really threaten cancer services, quite
other health condition in any other set This enables GPs to rightly. That’s the place we want to get
of manifestos from any other General refer patients directly to with mental health.
Election since the Second World War. to a dedicated mental When the Five Year Forward View
So, we can say the engagement is health practitioner as plan was published, I was asked:
positive, and significantly improved. soon as they present “Is this going to get us to parity of
with problems such as
Our challenge is to raise the level of esteem?” We are very clear that it is
anxiety, depression, low
expectation among all parties for what self-esteem or stress.
not going to happen in this five-year
ought to be possible. The debate on Active monitoring was period. The next step has to be what
mental health, and how much needs first piloted in Tameside, the next equivalent of the Five Year
to be spent, comes into play. I actually Oldham and Glossop local Forward View for mental health is
think it’s one of those issues where Minds and is now being going to look like, and how close to
there is a lot of consensus on what is replicated in Wales. parity we can get in that period.
needed. Continues >>>

April 2018 • happiful • 41

The Conversation | Mind Matters

Stephen Fry, Paul Farmer,

Fearne Cotton and award
venue Odeon’s Kathryn
Pritchard just before the
Mind Media Awards 2017

It’s pretty poor that

people are being
discriminated against
on the grounds of
their mental health.
Our whole purpose is
to eliminate that
Q Nothing? Q How do you see the future
of local Mind branches?
Very little. The current proportion of I am a big fan of the “federated” model,
local authority spending on mental quite a lot of chief executives aren’t!

Q Can we do it in a 10-year
timeline?
health is less than 1%, based on our
yearly survey. We’re used to receiving
messages around smoking or the
So what we are seeing among our
network of people, who are absolutely
extraordinary, is that their strength is
I think we should be aiming to try benefits of good physical activity. We in their understanding of their local
to do that. What does that mean haven’t yet been given the mental communities. I don’t think there’s a
in reality? Having the same level of health promotion and prevention. chief executive who could hope to have
confidence in access and quality of a better understanding about what is
services you are going to receive. You going on in Aberystwyth or Hull as
know roughly how long it is going
to take you for A&E and long-term
care; you should know this for mental
Q Could mental health be part
of TV ads, bus slogans and
our local Minds do. The branches are
going through a period of evolution
– becoming much more sustainable.
billboards in the future?
health. Confidence in the quality and Like all charities who have a reasonable
quantity of staffing. Confidence in the Absolutely, because that is what reliance on local authority funding,
resources to embed all this over the we need. The two places where we they’ve been through a pretty tough
period of time. That’s a basic principle are seeing that start to emerge is in time. They’ve absolutely come out the
of parity. The rest of it means investing schools, where some are investing other side, though. We have a slightly
in prevention; there’s a lot work that in the wellbeing of their kids, and in smaller number of Minds, but helping
goes into physical health, but relatively the workplace. The idea of workplace a greater number of people. They are
little, or virtually nothing, going into wellbeing is starting to catch real the hive of innovation, and we want to
mental health. attention. pull up that innovation.

42 • happiful • April 2018

Happiful HERO

Q With volunteers, are you

finding more or less people
wishing to get involved? • Formed in 1946, as • Counts on support
We have roughly 2,500 volunteers and National Association for from a staggering 9,481
1,000 staff. One of the positive aspects Mental Health volunteers
is that more people want to engage. • Became MIND in 1972, • More than 500,000 people
I think it’s really encouraging that
the change is beginning to happen.
before dropping capitals used local Mind services
We know from the Time To Change in the 1990s between 2016 and 2017
campaign, that it’s the younger • 135 local Minds
generation – the 18–34 age group • Raised £28.8 million
in particular – who are driving the • Employs 3,347 staff during this time period
positive-attitude change. Awareness including those in shops
and fundraising go hand-in-hand for
us as a charity, but for individuals they
want to do something to help.

Q In terms of responsibility
and duty of care, recently
Q Could more be done to
push the mental health
agenda in sports and arts?
it was revealed some
insurers are reluctant to
cover mental health. What
The sporting world has surprised us are your views on this?
with its willingness to engage – from
the elite to grassroot levels in sport. It’s pretty poor that people are being
This is helped by the sports media, discriminated against on the grounds
who you wouldn’t necessarily expect of their mental health. Our whole
to be that supportive, who have been To find out
purpose is to eliminate that. We need
pretty good and understanding of to encourage the insurance sector more about
high-profile players such as Aaron to understand what’s driving some Mind, visit
Lennon and Marcus Trescothick. [In of these exclusions. I think some are
May 2017, footballer Aaron Lennon realising this is an own goal. mind.org.uk
was detained under the Mental Health

Q
Act, while cricketer Marcus Trescothick
left England’s tour of India in 2006, later
Why do you think To support Paul
citing mental illness as the reason for his some insurers are in raising money
departure.] discriminating? for Mind through
Arts are in a slightly different space.
You’d expect the arts sector to be quite We are shifting from a state of relative running the London
aware of the issue of people’s mental ignorance into a phase of awareness, Marathon, head to
health. Pretty much every single great followed by outrage, followed by
play ever written has a mental health action. We want to move quickly –
Virgin Money Giving
theme at some point. Interestingly, awareness is good, but that has to and search for
our media advisory team will work be sustained. People are asking the Paul Farmer
with the Royal Ballet and the Royal questions, now we need to get into
Shakespeare Company about depicting action.
these issues.

April 2018 • happiful • 43

SPREAD SOME FIRGUN
Firgun is a Hebrew phrase that describes the feeling of genuine
pride or delight in another person’s achievements
APRIL
The Happiful Seal of Approval
TOP
10
Our top 10 things to try this month, whether you’re in need of a great
read, a day out exploring, or something inspiring to tune in to

PAGE-TURNERS
Lend us Treat yourself
your ears Blind date with a book
The Heart of It (blinddatewithabook.com):
Winnie-the-Pooh | catwalker / Shutterstock.com

(Audioboom. receive a mystery, hand-

com podcast): wrapped book from a wide
lifestyle blogger
and author
range of genres, with clues
Estée Lalonde alluding to the book inside.
tackles topics
Anxiety Is Really close to her
Strange by Steve heart, and invites
weekly guests Head for the hills
Haines (Singing
Dragon, £7.99): to share their
a short, sweet
comic about
perspectives.
Sharpham House, TECH TIP-OFFS
Devon: a wellbeing Forest (App Store and
the everyday

Out and
retreat with Google Play): plant a
experience of
Mindfulness Based tree when you want to
anxiety.
about
Stress Reduction focus on something
(MBSR) teachers and a beautiful forest
running a break that will gradually grow –
as long as you don’t
Square eyes mixes mindfulness
with yoga,
stop to leave the app

o nversa to check your phone!

walking,
singing and
c Stress
tio
e

creative Awareness
Th

Month: April offers

writing.
n

us the opportunity
to open up and
address the

The V&A’s
stresses in our
lives. GET GOING
Grace and Frankie, Winnie-the-Pooh Plugged-in
Season 4 (Netflix): Exhibition (Ends 8 The London
Megan Jayne
a wholesome, feel- April): Relive your Marathon (22 April):
Crabbe (Instagram
good comedy about childhood with @bodiposipanda): comedy charity
the adventures of two this multi-sensory an advocate of runners and pros
older women trying exhibition exploring self-love and take to the streets
to rebuild their lives the world of Winnie- diversity with a for the 38th annual
after divorce. the-Pooh. feel-good feed. marathon in the city.
Happiful Hack

4 TOP
TIPS

Basic Self-Defence
to boost confidence
While we hope none of us need to use self-defence moves,
knowing how to deal with a situation where we might can make us
feel more confident and self-assured

Writing | Becky Wright

W
hat is the art of self-defence? Many people
think of it as a karate kick to the groin
or a jab in the eye of an attacker. And, in
some instances, this is true. In fact, according to
The Times, there’s been a surge in applications for If you find yourself
martial arts classes. As a nation, we’re expressing an
dangerous situatio in a
advice would alwaysn, our
interest in learning how to protect ourselves.

But, the truth is there’s more to self-defence than get yourself out of be to
it
merely knowing a few physical moves. And the most
hide, tell.” Avoid fig: “Run,
back or engaging w hting
effective form of self-defence is doing everything
possible to avoid fighting. It’s about using the power
ith
of your mind – not your fists. attacker at all costs.an
Knowing how to avoid danger can be reassuring.
But, we can’t stop ourselves from enjoying life.
We can’t live life feeling frightened. So, if you find
yourself walking home from the pub in the dark,
or running through the woods at the weekend,
knowing some key moves can act as a confidence- We hope you’re never in a situation where you need
booster. Feeling confident in your ability to protect to fight back, but if you are, you shouldn’t be afraid
yourself can help to empower you in everyday life, to. Here are four simple self-defence tips to help
too; nothing’s going to hold you back. improve your confidence every day:

46 • happiful • April 2018

Life LESSONS

Why not try a

self-defence class?
One of the easiest ways
to try out self-defence
is to go to a martial
arts class. You’ll learn
the skills, get fitter and
stronger, and you’ll be
doing it in an inclusive
team environment.

1 Don’t put yourself in danger 3 Hit where it hurts

Prevention is the best form of self-defence. Be sure If you need to apply force, aim for the parts of the body
you always follow general safety tips: be aware of your where you can easily do the most damage: the face (eyes,
surroundings; only walk and park in well-lit areas; have nose, ears, neck) and the lower body (groin and knees).
your keys in reach as you approach your door or car.
Depending on the position of the attacker and how
Attackers will look for vulnerable targets, so try to notice close they are will determine where you strike them.
the way you hold yourself and move your body. Do you Remember, do not step in closer to hit them. Don’t
look timid? Nervous? An easy target? put yourself in any further danger, or give them an
opportunity to take hold of you.
Walk with your head up and shoulders back. Make
eye contact with people you pass, instead of looking at
your phone or at the ground. You’ll feel and look more
confident – and this will change how a potential attacker
sees you. It also lets potential attackers know you could
identify them, if necessary. Nothing you own is worth more than
your safety

2 Talk the talk

Apart from avoiding confrontation, try to defuse a 4 Escape a choke hold
situation before it gets dangerous. If you can sense a If your attacker is able to grab you and starts to choke you,
situation is about to get heated, try talking the person it’s normal to instinctively reach for your neck. But, trying
down. If there’s something they want – money, your to pull their hands away will be hard – especially if you’re
phone – hand it over. Nothing you own is worth more smaller than them.
than your safety.
Instead, focus all your energy on getting hold of their
But, if an attacker touches you (or it’s clear that escape thumbs. Use your hands as hooks in a “C” shape to prize
isn’t possible), shout loudly: “BACK OFF!” or “DON’T their thumbs away. This will make it harder for them to
TOUCH ME!” This does two things: it signals for help, maintain their hold on you, giving you time to try to get
and lets the attacker see you’re not an easy target. away.

April 2018 • happiful • 47

Lifestyle & Relationships

SIMONA
BROWN Interview | Kathryn Wheeler

Named in ‘InStyle’ magazine’s annual Rising Star talent portfolio, Simona Brown is
making waves in the British acting scene. Her upcoming role in ‘Kiss Me First’ sees
her playing Tess, a woman with bipolar disorder. We caught up with Simona to chat
about the challenges of portraying mental illness on-screen, and the importance of
shining a light on ‘under-represented perspectives’

You’ve had an amazing career so far, and Do you think your portrayal will help tackle
you’re only just getting started! What are you stigma?
most proud of? I think Tess’s journey will appeal to a wider
I’m really proud of my most recent role of Tess in audience and will give an insight into mental
Kiss Me First. It was my first time being a co-lead, illness from an under-represented perspective.
so I felt a strong sense of responsibility for this Mental illness is a real taboo in the African-
project. I also overcame my mild aquaphobia. I Caribbean community, so I’m happy I had the
couldn’t swim before filming Kiss Me First, but had opportunity to play such a complex role.
to learn for the role, which was a huge milestone
for me! You’ve been in a couple of socially conscious
TV dramas – was that something you
Your character, Tess, has bipolar disorder. aspired to do?
Did you do much research for the role? Being involved with socially conscious projects
Yes, I read books, poetry, and watched films and was definitely an aspiration of mine. I like
documentaries. I wanted to make her nuanced thought-provoking storylines. They challenge me
and relatable, and didn’t want to make her a to consider different realities.
caricature. When approaching the text, I made
sure I didn’t pre-empt her actions, I just listened Who do you admire?
and responded. My mum, of course! She’s one of the strongest
people I know. I draw inspiration from my niece
What was the hardest thing for you about and nephew, to trust and follow my instincts, as
portraying Tess? they do so effortlessly. Also seeing Angela Bassett’s
Every day was different. I suppose that came portrayal of Tina Turner in What’s Love Got to Do
with its own set of challenges. I was going from with It inspired me to act from a young age.
one scene being manic and full of childlike
energy, to the next being full of angst and even What are you looking forward to in 2018?
contemplating suicide. I’m really excited about the release of Kiss Me
First. Also, I’m currently shooting BBC’s The Little
Do you feel you have a better understanding Drummer Girl, so I’m looking forward to rubbing
of bipolar disorder now? shoulders with director Park Chan-wook. I think
Yes. I had no idea of the pace of bipolar, that the he’s brilliant.
highs and lows could last for as long as a year or
more. I also understand that everyone has their
own processes and we all deal with mental illness ‘Kiss Me First’ will air on Channel 4 and Netflix in
differently. in the spring.

48 • happiful • April 2018

Georgina RULES

QUICK-FIRE ROUND

Favourite song
‘Baby’ by Donnie and Joe Emerson
or ‘The Beautiful Ones’ by Prince

Last book you read

If Beale Street Could Talk by James
Baldwin

Favourite way to relax

An essential oil bath with Epsom
salts
Photography | Desmond Lingard

First thing you do in the morning

Write a gratitude list

One thing guaranteed to put a smile

on your face
A cup of tea

April 2018 • happiful • 49

The Power of Movement

ONE
STEP
AT A
TIME
Whether it’s a walk around a park, a run with
a friend, or a group mission to make daily life
better for others, Happiful explores three
initiatives encouraging movement for good

Writing | Lucy Donoughue

Therapy RUNS

I
know the moment I finish a run, or a long
blustery walk, I feel better than I did before. Yet
I also know that there are times when putting
on your shoes and stepping out the door is a big
challenge. If I could somehow bottle the feeling I get
after being active and give myself just a little hit of it
when I’m struggling, I’d be off the sofa in seconds.

Sometimes I need that bit of extra motivation, which

usually comes in the form of committing to run with
someone else. This works for me, as I don’t want to let
someone down and there’s the added bonus of a social
element to the exercise (and potential for coffee and
cake afterwards). It’s a win-win!

Exercising with other people has so many benefits

beyond motivation though. In his most recent book
Running For Your Life, psychotherapist William Pullen
explains that while running produces endorphins
elevating both mood and thinking (often referred to
as the “runner’s high”), running and talking with a
companion can activate oxytocin as well (AKA the
“love hormone”). This is created by sharing and giving
trust and attention to another person while moving
with them.

Imagine then, the feel-good effect of running with

others and participating in projects to help the
community in which you live? Or knowing that your
run is supporting others in opening up about their
own mental health? Or inspiring children to grow-up,
comfortable with talking about how they’re feeling?

That’s exactly what three organisations are offering

people – a way to connect doing good and feeling
good. I discuss Dynamic Running Therapy and
Empathy Runs with William Pullen, good deeds all
round with GoodGym, and the impact of group talk
and walks with Mental Health Mates.

Time to get those trainers on…

April 2018 • happiful • 51

The Power of Movement

DRT Founder William Pullen

Running gave me
something that
Dynamic Running Therapy therapy didn’t
and Empathy Runs at that time –
empowerment and
William Pullen’s revolutionary method is helping people work progression
through their issues, one step and thought at a time, using
‘emotion in motion’ to connect to our feelings and inner dialogue

D
ynamic Running Therapy (DRT) is not Tell us about the beginnings of DRT.
complicated, but rather, as William Pullen poses I was going through a crisis in my own life and took up
in his book Run For Your Life, about learning a a bunch of different activities, including running. I was
couple of simple but very powerful techniques, a different person then – a heavy smoker and drinker.
and embarking on an exploration of who you are. Running gave me something that therapy didn’t at that time:
empowerment and progression.
DRT is tried and tested. William developed his approach
back in 2007 when he was experiencing challenges of Running with a friend gave us both a real sense of
his own. His journey began by finding refuge, space and camaraderie. Each time we ran we could do a little more,
quietness in London’s Hyde Park and starting to run – slowly loosening up and at the same time, really focusing on what
at first due to his physical fitness – but improving over time. each other had to say. It was mentally, as well as physically,
Running with a friend, he realised that the act of exercising therapeutic.
– moving forward together – allowed them to have an open
discussion, which felt both liberating and healing. A year What is it about movement that lends itself to therapy?
later, he started six years of training to become a therapist, I believe that it’s written in our DNA to move together and
now champions DRT, and is an advocate of empathy runs for tell stories. If you think back to the Stone Age and hunter
adults and children. gatherers, that’s exactly what they would have done. It’s also

52 • happiful • April 2018

Therapy RUNS

more natural than sitting face-to-face and static;

there’s a momentum there that carries you through
your thoughts.

What about empathy running?

Empathy running, like DRT, is a concept that is
hugely important to me, and I’ll be giving a TedX
Talk on the subject in June. It’s based around two
people moving side-by-side, running or walking,
and one person really listening to the other speak
without interrupting, and then reflecting back what
they’ve heard at the end of the allotted time, or at
the end of a run.

The same thing can be done with children. A

group of school children can be split into pairs to
do this and the results can be amazing. Children
who don’t really know or even like one another, can
gain more understanding of each other through
this process. This also works incredibly well with
children and their parents too. Running serves as
GoodGym
a sort of distraction for children, helping them to
stay focused and open up. They are also often quite Forget the stats on your fitness tracker,
excited to be running with the adults, meaning GoodGym have a set of numbers that need
they begin from a positive and confident place.
to be celebrated by us all. In 2017 alone,
What would you say to someone who is GoodGym (currently at 5,500 members) logged
interested in DRT, but is struggling to get more than 33,000 good deeds and supported
started? more than 1,000 older people
I would say that no matter how hopeless you feel,

F
anything is possible if you just put one foot in front
of the other. That’s all you have to do – just keep on ounded in 2009, GoodGym started life in Tower Hamlets,
moving. London, and now operates in 40 areas across the UK. The
concept is simple and brilliant: GoodGym combines free
group exercise, with helping community organisations and
isolated older people.

Download the Dynamic Running Some GoodGym runners are paired with isolated older people,
Therapy app from the App Store who they run to visit socially each week. Research shows that more
for free. ‘Run For Your Life’ by than one million older people are always or often lonely, going
William Pullen is available in for weeks at a time without seeing friends or family. GoodGym
bookshops and online now. is tackling this head on and with respect, calling the older people
Follow William @pullentherapy they visit “coaches” because they help keep members motivated to
run and share words of wisdom with them. Continues >>>

April 2018 • happiful • 53

The Power of Movement

GoodGym has 5,500 members

79,880
good deeds done
so far!

GoodGym members also run in groups to local Tell us about some of the community work you’ve done?
organisations that need help, completing tasks like shovelling The “missions” are so varied – from leaflet dropping to
earth for community gardens, planting trees or clearing helping clean a hospice. Since moving to GoodGym Bristol,
derelict land, and then run back, all within 90 minutes. I’ve been involved in litter collecting down at the Avon
Group runs are led by qualified running coaches who help Gorge and helping a community garden project (Haven),
members with their running technique, and support them to which offers support to local communities.
achieve their fitness goals. Members get fit, while
doing good. How has being part of GoodGym helped you?
I love the whole ethos. Run. Volunteer. Meet
Ellie Fry first joined GoodGym like-minded people. There’s something so
in London, and continued her rewarding about doing activities that help
membership when she moved to the local community, rather than just
Bristol earlier this year. running on a treadmill or pumping
There’s something so iron in the gym.
What was your first
experience of GoodGym? rewarding about doing What would you say to someone
I turned up to Battersea
Arts Centre not knowing
activities that help the thinking of joining?
Go for it! It’s amazing how many
what to expect and was
greeted by such a warm
local community, rather groups there are now all across the
country.
welcome, it felt like I’d been than just running on a
part of the running club
for ages! The first task was treadmill or pumping iron GoodGym is always open to new
leaflet dropping for a local members, whatever their fitness level.
community gardens project in the gym For more information, visit
(running to and from all the www.goodgym.org
destinations).

54
54••happiful
happiful••April
April2018
2018
Therapy RUNS

Get some fresh air

and have a chat with
MHM

Mental Health Mates

On 14 February 2016, 20 people met to walk
together, following a call-out on social media by
journalist Bryony Gordon, who, at the time, was
struggling with her mental health. Fast-forward
two years and there’s almost 60 Mental Health
Mates Groups across the UK and meet-ups in
Dubai, Melbourne and San Francisco

M
ental Health Mates was born out of “a terrible Tell us about your
funk” Bryony Gordon was going through as first walk?
she was writing Mad Girl, a memoir about Our first walk was
her mental health. A documentary she was in November 2016,
listening to while out running, inspired her to bring together starting in the University Parks – an absolutely beautiful
groups of people who were feeling alone and struggling with place. We had no idea if anyone would come – but they did.
their mental health too. It was a small group, but it felt so good to get together and
connect. We’ve held a MHM walk almost every month since,
Over the past two years, MHM has “grown beyond her and some of the people who came to that first walk still join.
wildest dreams”, and groups have now popped up all across It’s a very close-knit group – though we actively welcome
the UK and beyond, run by a dedicated group of volunteers new people every month.
and walk leaders, showing there’s
a real need for these collective and What can people expect from a Mental
informal support networks. Health Mates Walk?
We’re all regular people, none of us are
Kate leads the Mental Health Mates trained counsellors but we know and
Walks in Oxford with her friend Jess.
We understand. appreciate that we all have our struggles.
That being said, you don’t have to talk
How did you hear about Mental
Health Mates?
There is no about your mental health during one of the
walks; we talk about all sorts. It’s a really
I read an article by Bryony in pressure from us friendly and non-judgemental atmosphere.
Cosmopolitan and she was looking
for people to start their own MHM on the walk or at What would you say to someone who
groups across the country. I think it’s wants to come, but is struggling?
really important that we all do more any time. We are We understand. There is no pressure from
to support and connect with one
another, so I got in touch. I received there every month us on the walk or at any time. We are there
every month and you’ll be welcome any
the walk leader’s pack and chatted
with Jess, who agreed to start an
and you’ll be time.

Oxford MHM group with me. Doing welcome any time

it together means that we can support To find and join your nearest Mental Health
one another. Mates walk, visit mentalhealthmates.co.uk

April 2018 • happiful • 55

Happiful Hack

5
SUPPORTIVE
STEPS

reporting a mental
health issue
at Work
Talking about your mental health –
to anyone – can be frightening, but
talking to your employer? That’s a
whole new kettle of fish. How do
you tell them you’re struggling?
Can they even help? It’s not easy,
but with a little information and
guidance, the conversation can be a
lot less daunting

Writing | Ellen Hoggard

I
may not have a diagnosable mental health
issue but, like everyone, I have mental health
– and sometimes it’s less than good. Very
recently, I woke up feeling what I can only
describe as “wrong”. Something was off. It was as
though a dark cloud had descended over me. I felt
very sad and overwhelmed; I was empty, yet my
mind was full.
Almost overnight, the job I loved became right to take time off because I felt overwhelmed.
something I feared. I wanted to cry. Surely it’s just a part of working life?
I’m very lucky to work in the mental health But the thing is, it shouldn’t be. No one should
industry. I told my manager how I felt and that I be forcing themselves to work when they are
was going to be a little quiet over the next few days. emotionally, and physically, struggling.
They regularly checked in and explained that if If you want to talk about your mental health,
things got too much, I could go home. but have no idea how to broach the topic with
However, despite my opening up and this your employer, here’s some advice to help you
support, I came into work every day. It didn’t seem take the leap.

56 • happiful • April 2018

Life LESSONS

2 Trust your gut

Speaking about our mental health is scary,
regardless of who you’re speaking to. But as
daunting as it is, if you know deep down that
you want to talk about it, trust that feeling.
You’re the only one who knows how you feel,
and if you need help it’s important you get it.

3 Do your research
It can help to know whether your company has
a policy in place for mental health concerns.

1 in 6
workers in the UK
This information should be in your company
handbook, or you may need to speak to HR.
Having an idea of what support is available can
be helpful, if and when you decide to speak up.
And remember, you have rights. Thanks
to the Equality Act, you are protected from
are experiencing discrimination in the workplace. They shouldn’t
be, but if your employer is dismissive or
common mental unhelpful, they are required by law to make

health problems “reasonable adjustments” to support you.

4 Take the plunge

When you’re ready, request a one-to-one with
your manager. This may be easier said than
done, but you don’t need to go into detail right
away. Send them an email or message, or find
them in the coffee room and ask if they’re
available for a chat. Book some private time,
1 What to consider away from your colleagues, where you can
The first thing is to remember that you’re not discuss your mental health and your options.
alone. According to Mind, at least one in six
workers are experiencing common mental
health problems, so chances are, someone else 5 Prioritise your health
in your office is going through a similar thing. Remember, as hard as it may be, things will
Is there someone you can talk to? get better. Talking about your mental health
It can be helpful to think about what you want is your choice, but being open and honest can
from speaking up – immediate support or long- help you get the support you need. Work may
term guidance? Perhaps you need some time be an important part of life, but it’s not the most
off to rest, to scale back your responsibilities, important. Your health and happiness should
or work remotely. Maybe you need to cut back always take priority.
on hours. If there’s something you think will
help, write it down. Think of this note as a mini
cheerleader, reminding and supporting you
during what can be a frightening conversation. It's OK to need help
If you’re not sure what might help, that’s
OK. Instead, when talking options with your
Find a counsellor using
employer, suggest small changes. You can then counselling-directory.org.uk
make note of how they’ve helped you.
April 2018 • happiful • 57
Chris’s Story

My lifelong
battle with
OCD and
depression
Trying to please everyone around him led Chris Dudley to wear a
mask to the world and struggle with his mental health in secret.
But in allowing his authentic self to shine, he learned to manage his
conditions, and now helps others as a life coach

I
n an attempt to break free from my depression and my mum – a single parent who struggled both financially
OCD, at the age of 29 I found myself sitting in an and with mental health challenges, including depression
neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) practitioner and OCD. I don’t recall ever feeling like a child; I had
training course, having a breakthrough. At the time responsibilities beyond my years and felt a natural inclination
though, it felt more like a breakdown, exclaiming to my to be everything to everyone; telling those around me what I
tutor: “If I continue to remove all these masks I wear, thought they wanted to hear, and being the version of myself I
there’ll be nothing left of me.” I remember sitting there with thought they wanted me to be.
a deep sense of dread, finally understanding that I was a At the age of nine, my stepdad told me I needed to stop
tailored version of myself to everyone around me, and I being so girly as older men would take advantage of me.
wasn’t sure who I actually was. At that moment, I had a realisation that I was gay and that
I was born in 1982, in a small village in Leeds, to young it wasn’t a good thing to be. I began a nine-year battle with
parents who married out of convenience and divorced out hiding the deepest part of who I was. This was one of the
of necessity when I was six years old. I was brought up by heaviest masks I wore.

58 • happiful • April 2018

True LIFE

When I was 11, my younger brother and I moved in with ‘I don’t ever recall
feeling like a child;
my father in Wakefield, and I was separated from my mother I had responsibilities
and younger sister for seven years. Having been brought up beyond my years’
by my mum in a volatile and sterile environment, the move to
my dad’s seemed healthier for us both mentally and physically.
However, not seeing our mother was never acknowledged
by any of the adults around us, and neither my brother nor I
dared to speak out.

Chris felt like an

outsider in his
teenage years

When my OCD was at its

worst, I would crave a
period of depression. It’s
a perverse concept, but
depression was a break
from OCD

My dad and step-mum didn’t recognise my OCD, and many

of my behaviours were joked about and shrugged off. My dad
tested my boundaries one day by moving everything in my
As an outsider in my teenage years, my life felt so out of cabin bed while I was at school – disorganising the drawers,
my control and I remedied this by accessing my maternal the cupboards, my wardrobe. To this day I cannot recall my
bloodline’s usual coping mechanism, OCD. We term it “our reaction; it’s a complete blank, and I’ve chosen not to ask
family’s illness” and the stories of past generations focus on anyone about how I responded.
each different relative’s version of OCD. Later in my teenage years, my usual mood was one of deep
I attempted to control everything I could about the world I sadness, but I didn’t know I was depressed. I had thoughts
lived in, but without it coming to the attention of anyone else. of not wanting to be here anymore and two things kept me
My cabin bed became my world – completely organised, with going. One, I couldn’t possibly leave my younger brother; we
a place for everything. I took a job at the school library, as had experienced everything together and I had to be there for
this allowed me to eat my lunch alone in the corridor outside. him. Two, I didn’t want to attempt it and fail, and then have to
I’d then enter the library and carefully tidy each book on live with everyone knowing I wasn’t well.
each bookshelf until the bell would ring. The library became At 17 years old, I moved in with my mum and we repaired
somewhere safe for me, and the usual torments placed on a our relationship. Yet all the love we had for one another wasn’t
gay child in school became the activities of the corridors and enough to stop our versions of OCD fighting.
classrooms. Continues >>>

April 2018 • happiful • 59

Chris’s Story

I decided to become a
full-time life coach. I finally
had my mental health under
control, and I had brought my
black dog to heel on a couple
of occasions

brushing my teeth in the toilet in order not to mess the sink,

and a nightly battle of getting into bed and sleeping without
messing the pillows and sheets – all the while knowing that
every activity I did was completely mad. Ironically, when my
OCD was at its worst, I would crave a period of depression. It’s
a perverse concept, but depression was a break from OCD –
an opportunity to sleep liberally, to stop brushing my teeth, to
lounge on the sofa.
I entered adulthood unsure of my place in the world and
without an understanding of, or connection to, my authentic
self. I came out as a gay man and was able to openly discuss
my depression with my mum and doctors, and this began a
life littered by periods of being mentally healthy (with OCD),
My mum has OCD for cleanliness, and I for tidiness. She
followed periods of time off work on antidepressants.
had to clean my bedroom every day, which included moving
This battle with depression, anxiety and OCD I temporarily
and cleaning every item individually. I would return home
and regularly overcame with overspending, high-achievement
from college and have to put every item back in place. Many
and continuing to sacrifice my needs for others. Therefore, the
evenings would end with us both frustrated and crying at the
mask I wore to the wider world was one of success, as defined
madness of it all.
by society. I maintained this version of my life throughout
I moved into my own flat at the age of 19, taking my OCD to
my twenties, but knew I had to do something to overcome it
the most extreme level I experienced. I was now free to be my
properly; I couldn’t allow myself to continue to be an actor in
own person and at the same time, I was the most trapped I had
my own life.
ever been. On the days my depression permitted me to get out
A short period of counselling supported me in gaining a
of bed, the day revolved around cleaning and tidying my flat
deeper understanding of my challenges and how I arrived
until I achieved my version of perfection. The evenings were
where I was, but it failed to give me the freedom I desired. I
then spent attempting not to break this perfection, including
became a self-confessed, self-help junkie and I continue to be
watching TV sitting on the floor so I didn’t mess up the sofa,
passionate about all areas of personal development.

60 • happiful • April 2018

True LIFE

In 2012, at the age of 29, I decided to take responsibility for healthcare. More than that, I wasn’t willing to share my
my life and my goal to be my authentic self – less who I was story for the fear others would think less of me. I knew I was
and more who I wanted to be. So, I found myself sitting in the turning my back on people I had the most potential to help,
NLP practitioner training course removing masks, letting go of and I knew this was the final hurdle I needed to jump in order
limiting beliefs and addressing my negative emotions. Change to achieve my goal of truly being me and owning my past,
didn’t happen in an instant; it’s a gradual process, which is present and future. That day is today.
difficult but not impossible. Readers, thank you for listening to my story, told with pride,
Since then, I have furthered my studies into human this article is my final mask, removed and cast aside.
potential, achieving qualifications as NLP Master Coach
Practitioner, Master Practitioner of Time Line Therapy, Master
Practitioner of Hypnotherapy, and I am a Certified Learning
and Development Specialist. My greatest achievement is
overcoming my mental health challenges and committing to
follow my dreams to live life on my own terms. Change is a gradual
In 2015, I decided to become a full-time life coach. I finally process, which is
difficult but not
impossible

In 2015, Chris became

a full-time life coach
Our Expert Says
Sometimes life seems unfair, like we’ve
drawn the short straw. What Chris
had my mental health under control, I hadn’t experienced a discovered though, is that if we choose to
take responsibility, not for everything and
period of depression for a few years, and I had brought my everyone, but for ourselves and how we
black dog to heel on a couple of occasions. I’d overcome my feel, we have the power to change things.
Chris had a breakthrough with NLP. We
OCD, although I am still a tidy person. I was ready to help all have the right to find the help that will
others, and after 18 months as a full-time life coach, I had a truly allow us to be ourselves. He took that
brave step and it paid off – helping not only
huge realisation. Much to my surprise, I found a final mask. himself, but now others too!
While I had overcome my depression and OCD using
coaching and NLP therapy, I refused to proactively seek Rachel Coffey
BA MA NLP Mstr
clients with mental health challenges. I was scared to offer life Reg Ind counsellor
coaching as a valid mechanism to support a person’s mental

April 2018 • happiful • 61

Food Explainer

GOING
GLUTEN FREE
Gluten-free
alternative:
amaranth grain

Eliminating certain foods from your diet is essential for those with
an allergy, but some people are choosing gluten-free diets not out
of necessity, but because of a belief in its health benefits. It’s time
to ask exactly how a gluten-free diet impacts us
Writing | Dawn Shotton

62 • happiful • April 2018

Gluten FREE

G
luten-free diets are undoubtedly on the
increase, gaining in popularity year on

GF GRAINS
year. The proof is on our supermarket
shelves – abundant in gluten-free
alternatives and “free-from” labels for
those seeking “healthier” choices. But are gluten-
free products better for us, or are they just pricey
gimmicks for food fanatics?
BUCKWHEAT AMARANTH
WHAT IS A GLUTEN-FREE DIET?
Gluten refers to the proteins found in wheat, rye and
barley. A diet that is gluten-free removes these grains
and any foods or ingredients made from them –
including breads, pasta, biscuits, and cakes made with BROWN RICE TEFF
flour. Some people also have to avoid oats. A gluten-
free diet also excludes foods that contain only a small
amount of gluten, like sauces, salad dressings, soups
and other processed foods.
Some gluten-free foods may still contain wheat MILLET BLACK QUINOA
starch where the gluten has been removed, which are
therefore unsuitable for people with a wheat allergy.
Also, wheat-free foods may not all be gluten-free if
they contain rye, barley or standard oats. This makes
things quite complicated for people with coeliac SORGHUM RED QUINOA
disease, gluten and wheat intolerances – checking
labels very carefully is an important part of life if they
are to avoid becoming unwell.
SYMPTOMS OF COELIAC
WHO SHOULD FOLLOW A DISEASE INCLUDE:
GLUTEN-FREE DIET?
Gluten-free diets were originally recommended for Bloating, diarrhoea, nausea, wind, constipation, tiredness,
people diagnosed with coeliac disease – a serious sudden or unexpected weight loss, hair loss and anaemia.
illness where the body’s immune system reacts to
Symptoms of gluten and wheat sensitivity or intolerance
gluten by damaging the lining of the small intestine. can be similar to coeliac disease, but to a lesser extent.
According to Coeliac UK, coeliac disease affects one Symptoms can vary greatly too.
in every 100 people in Britain, and twice as many
women as men.
People may have a gluten or wheat intolerance
or sensitivity. Unfortunately, the test used for
coeliac disease is not able to detect intolerances or
WHAT SHOULD I DO IF I THINK I HAVE
sensitivities, although symptoms are still unpleasant. COELIAC DISEASE OR AN INTOLERANCE
Nor is there any other reliable and evidence-based TO GLUTEN?
test available for these conditions, making medical If you experience symptoms or feel unwell after eating
diagnosis tricky. gluten, it’s best to see a doctor as soon as you can, and
Some studies suggest that gluten sensitivity is definitely before deciding to go gluten-free. It’s important
actually quite rare and affects only 1% of people. to consult a doctor to rule out other possible causes of your
However, trends in gluten-free product sales have symptoms, and also because you need to be eating gluten
risen sharply, and much faster than other food sales in for the blood tests to work. What’s more, you are likely
the UK (according to Euromonitor, a consumer data to feel much better once you stop eating it – so trying to
group), suggesting people are avoiding gluten of their reintroduce it for tests and diagnosis can be hard to do!
own accord and perhaps, without a reliable diagnosis. Continues >>>

April 2018 • happiful • 63

Food Explainer

CAN A GLUTEN-FREE DIET BE HARMFUL? Spring quinoa salad with broccoli,

While gluten-free diets are certainly healthier for those red onion and pomegranate
who have coeliac disease or a gluten sensitivity or
intolerance, going gluten-free is not necessarily healthier
for everyone. There is no evidence that reducing gluten is
beneficial for people who do not have these conditions.
How healthy a diet is depends on overall food selection.
Going gluten-free can make the diet better or worse
depending on how and to what extent it is altered.
Some studies have shown that gluten-free diets can
be deficient in certain nutrients – fibre, calcium and
iron in particular. It is therefore especially important
to make sure a gluten-free diet is adequate in these
nutrients. Also, gluten-free foods are often less palatable.
Manufacturers sometimes compensate for this by adding
additional salt, sugar or fats to their products. Therefore
a gluten-free option can turn out to be a poorer health
choice than the standard product that contains gluten.
Getting a gluten-free diet right can be difficult and
for this reason people who are diagnosed with coeliac
disease usually have regular follow-ups with nutrition
healthcare professionals who can offer personal advice
and suggestions on how to manage their diet. Those with
gluten intolerance and sensitivity will also benefit from
THE BOTTOM LINE
professional nutritional input to help ensure their diet 1. Check that you are experiencing gut
remains balanced. symptoms only after eating gluten. It is easy to
Some people believe that going gluten-free is a great attribute symptoms to the last thing you ate, but
way to lose weight. But the reality is that people can gain this isn’t always the case. A food and symptom
diary will help you keep a log of things and will
weight as well as lose it when they change to gluten-free.
accurately reflect your issues.
In fact, studies show people who are newly-diagnosed
with coeliac disease are more likely to gain weight, as 2. If you have symptoms, talk to your doctor
their gut repairs and they benefit from the removal of before going gluten-free. They can help you with
gluten from their diet. The range of gluten-free products a suitable test and, very importantly, rule out any
available also means that foods previously off the other causes.
menu can now be enjoyed without any 3. Don’t try to alter things on your own –
discomfort. So, if high-fat, high-sugar make sure you seek some professional nutrition
snacks are eaten more frequently, support to help you get things balanced. You
Coeliac regardless of the gluten content, can find a nutrition professional near you on
these calorie-dense choices are nutritionist-resource.org.uk
disease likely to lead to weight gain. A
affects 1 in healthier alternative would be 4. Remember, gluten-free does not always
equal a healthier diet or guarantee weight-loss.
100 people to reduce refined carbs like
white pasta, white bread and
This really depends on your choices!
in Britain, white rice, and replace these
and twice as with whole grain varieties Dawn Shotton MSc BSc is a registered dietitian with more
instead. These choices help than 20 years of experience. She is passionate about all
many women boost fibre intake, carry extra things dietary and associated health, holding a master’s
as men nutrients, and will help maintain degree in weight management. To find out more about
Dawn and her services, visit dietwise.co.uk
energy levels too.

64 • happiful • April 2018

WE’RE NEVER ALONE
“We all live with the objective of being happy; our lives are all
different and yet the same.” – Anne Frank
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Expert
Opinion

Family Dynamics
Similar dramas and debates often crop up in families
over the years, causing guilt for not presenting a
perfectly happy family unit. But with advice from our
counsellor, you can address the dynamic in a healthy
way and stop history repeating itself
>>>
Writing | Lucy Cavendish

April 2018 • happiful • 67

Lifestyle & Relationships

We often give our children messages we

were given in our own childhoods – some of
these can be helpful, some not so much

Expert
Opinion

68 • happiful • April 2018

Positive COMMUNICATION

W
ith the arrival of spring, comes behind these miscommunications, yet it is very
a time of rebirth – we clean difficult to bring these things into the foreground.
out and declutter our houses, Part of our fear is that if we mention anything, the
we think about getting out in entire house of cards will fall down.
nature as the days get longer, and consider Yet I often find the opposite can happen. The
how those New Year’s resolutions have stuck family dynamic that is present is often a replaying
(or not). With the dark winter days confining of a past difficult relationship – a historical
us to our houses for the past few months, family system as it were. The client with a terrible
some families will have shared social posts of relationship with her sister reveals that her mother
enthusiastically playing games, or cooking up doesn’t speak to their auntie. Another who has a
a storm together in the kitchen. Then there demanding, difficult brother has a father whose
are others made to feel guilty that our families family was, in his eyes, torn apart by his own
aren’t as happily bonded and have spent our difficult brother.
time squabbling instead. In this way, families hold together through
Yet I am sure we might well have all a process of secrets and lies that have become
experienced the complete opposite. There embedded over generations yet, through therapy, a
are many families who are naturally far more lot of these things can be laid bare and looked at.
combative. For the client – once they have got over the
We argue, throw things, cry, drink, fall out, sudden, rather shocking, realisation that their
vow to never have anything to do with each own relationships with members of their family
other ever again. When we’re all in a small are a re-enactment of an older generation’s
space, and venturing outdoors is only for experience, there can be a sense of resolution.
the brave, we can experience a start-of-year Part of it is the relief that “it’s-not-just-me”. Part of
period full of drama, and the fall out from it it is the challenge to maybe make the choice not
can be intense. Yet this latter behaviour and to continue to repeat these old dynamics. Maybe
family system possesses far more energy than it is possible to be curious as to how situations
the “feel-good” family who, I always suspect, have occurred. Why does the aunt and mother’s
are harbouring deep secrets and fissures that relationship feel so antagonistic and stuck, and
no one wishes to reveal or fall in to. does this mean the system has to continue? Once
In reality, we all fall somewhere in-between, we consider how our families work, or don’t work,
ricocheting between falling out and falling in, we are able to bring thought and consideration to
and then somehow balancing out. how we could possibly do it all a bit differently.
Most families go along inhabiting a family We often give our children the same messages
system that suits if not all the time, at least we were given in our own childhoods – some
some of it. But as bank holidays and summer of these can be helpful, and others not so much.
vacations approach and the prospect of Clients may not be aware of the messages they
spending extended periods of time together have been handed down, yet, once we come in
looms, it can be a time of reckoning for to more awareness of these messages, we can be
many families. But with a bit of thought and empowered to change them.
contemplation, it may also be a time to think This is what therapy can do. It helps us to look
about family dynamics and how to shift the at the situations we create within our families
bits that don’t serve you so well, for a stronger and the messages we have become used to – from
family unit going forwards. “I was never my dad’s favourite” to “my sister
In my clinical practice, I often find that resented me being born” – and empower you to
clients tell me about their own families and change these so we, in turn, don’t hand them down
how distressing they can find them. I find to the generations coming after us.
siblings who are not talking to each other,
parents and their grown-children who rarely Lucy Cavendish MBACP is an integrative counsellor
communicate. There can be a lot of pain and a regular contributor to ‘The Times’.

April 2018 • happiful • 69

Healthy Eats

Breakfast of Champions
When we’re rushing to get out the door in
the morning, often the first thing we skip
is a good breakfast. But starting your day
off with a proper, nutritious (and delicious)
meal can not only be easy, but sets you up
to flourish all day
Writing | Ellen Hoggard

S
pring is officially here protein shakes etc. People are down and eating breakfast mindfully
and Easter bank holiday beginning to realise that having helps to switch on our parasympathetic
weekend is on its way (not a good breakfast should not be a nervous system, enabling our food to
that we’re counting). While luxury but the way to start every day.” digest properly.
springtime in the UK doesn’t In an ode to spring – and our sweet This recipe is a great example of a
necessarily bring warm weather, tooth – this recipe is the perfect way balanced, nutritious breakfast.
it does bring brighter days, which to start your long weekend. It can be The pecans and porridge contain
means it’s a heck of a lot easier eaten fresh from the hob, or stored protein (even more if you use
to wake up in the mornings – overnight in a jar, ideal for on-the-go quinoa oats and unsweetened oat
huzzah! or time-limited mornings. or hemp milk), which coupled with
But other than sunshine, what cinnamon, balances your blood
else can put a spring in your step? sugar levels, keeping you fuller for
You guessed it – breakfast. NUTRITIONAL THERAPIST longer (alleviating the said sugar-
Whether you’re a big breakfast SARAH SHAKESPEARE SAYS: fix). Rhubarb has vitamin K to help
kinda guy, or a grab ‘n’ go girl, "We’ve heard that “breakfast is the brain function, and B vitamins help
eating something in the morning most important meal of the day”, metabolise your food. The pectin
is a great way to start your day. but with hectic lifestyles and time in apples is another great source of
Breakfast provides the body and restraints, it seems many people just insoluble fibre, aiding healthy digestive
brain with fuel after an overnight grab a coffee on the way to work. function.
fast – that’s where the name comes Yet, unsurprisingly, this isn’t the This balanced combination of
from, “breaking the fast” – but most productive way to start your complex carbohydrate, fibre, protein,
that’s not all. Having something day. Drinking coffee first thing on vitamins and minerals and tasty
to eat in the morning is also an empty stomach sends our cortisol sweetness is a great way to kick start
thought to improve memory and levels (the stress hormone) through your day – your body will thank you
concentration, boost our mood, the roof – leaving us feeling anxious for it!
and can even reduce stress levels. and unable to focus. We inevitably
Jamie Oliver's certainly a fan, experience a sudden energy crash
having said: “Breakfast is back. and reach for a sugary pick-me-up.
Make it cool and colourful – it’s Eating on-the-go switches on our Sarah is a nutritional therapist
and personal trainer. She takes a
the best ticket to professional and sympathetic nervous system (fight or non-diet approach to help clients
physical success. It’s time to stop flight response), causing the digestive live a happy, balanced life.
popping pills, stupid supplements, system to shut down. But sitting

70 • happiful • April 2018

Healthy EATS

U M BLE P
INGREDIENTS CR O
B

AR
Rhubarb crumble porridge

RR
Serves 2

RHUB

ID G
1 cup rolled porridge oats

E
1 cup chopped rhubarb
1 cup chopped bramley apple
2 cups milk of choice or water
½ tsp cinnamon
Chopped pecans
Honey

METHOD

For warm porridge For overnight oats

Chop the rhubarb and apple Prepare fruit as described,
into small half-inch pieces. Add cooking until tender.
to a medium-sized saucepan Remove from heat and
and cook until tender. To the leave to cool. In a separate
pan, combine the milk, oats and bowl, combine the milk,
cinnamon. Mix well and bring to oats and cinnamon. When
boil over medium heat, stirring cooled, add the fruit. Divide
frequently, until the oats and into jars and chill in the
fruit are of a thick consistency. fridge overnight. In the
Serve in a bowl, top with a morning, add the honey
drizzle of honey and sprinkling and pecans and enjoy –
of chopped pecans. wherever you are!

Find a
qualified
professional:
search
nutritionist-
resource.
org.uk

April 2018 • happiful • 71

Relationships & Lifestyle

Ada Lovelace

Illustration by Zafouko Yamamoto from Little People, Big Dreams: Ada Lovelace
Inspiring Reads for Young Kids

Little People,
Big Dreams
Read all about it: the women who made history
by pursuing their childhood dreams
Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford

H
ave you heard of Ada Stories for Rebel Girls runaway Filled with charming, striking
Lovelace? I’m going success in 2016, Vegara’s first book illustrations and simple,
to be honest – I didn’t in the series, Frida Kahlo, hit the straightforward language, like
have a clue who she shelves in February the same year. many books in the Little People,
was before picking up a copy of Daughter of poet and politician Big Dreams series, Ada Lovelace
Isabel Sanchez Vegara’s latest book. Lord Byron, Ada Lovelace was a provides an excellent starting point
Then again, growing up in the British mathematician, and is now for parents looking to introduce
90s, there were far fewer casual considered to be the world’s first young children to highly engaging,
children’s books focusing on STEM computer programmer. From her quality non-fiction.
subjects outside of the classroom. early love of logic, and passion for Presented in story format, the
The Little People, Big Dreams inventing, through to her work book highlights the power of
series is part of a wider movement with the father of computing, following our dreams (despite
that has taken off in children’s Charles Babbage, Veraga’s latest societal or parental pressures)
literature over the past couple illustrated book provides an as Ada combines her whimsical
of years. Brought to mainstream accessible introduction to an passion for creating fantastic
attention by Elena Favilli and inspiring historical figure for inventions with her mother’s
Francesca Cavallo’s Goodnight young readers and parents alike. preference for her to focus on their

72 • happiful • April 2018

Book REVIEWS
Try…
Kids 6+
Goodnight Stories for Rebel
Girls 2
Elena Favilli, Francesca Cavallo
Release: 28 February 2018
Publisher: Timbuktu Labs

Sequel to the 2017 #1 best-seller, this book offers

100 new inspirational stories based on the lives
of remarkable women. Presented in fairytale-
style, these heroines don’t need rescuing.

Kids 9+
Women in Science: 50 Little People, Big Dreams
Fearless Pioneers Who Published by Frances Lincoln Children’s Books,
Changed the World one of the world’s most respected creators
Rachel Ignotofsky of picture books and narrative non-fiction
Release: 2017 celebrating cultural diversity, the series currently
Publisher: Wren & Rook boasts more than a dozen books. Share
the lives of inspirational scientists, artists,
Filled with fascinating infographics and designers, and more with titles highlighting
beautiful illustrations, ‘Women in Science’ inspirational women who have made an impact
highlights the contributions of 50 notable across a diverse range of industries in societies
women across the fields of science, technology, across the world – from Agatha Christie, to
engineering and mathematics. Anne Frank, and Ella Fitzgerald.

Teens/YA
Strong is the New Pretty
Kate Parker
Release: 2017
Publisher: Workman shared love of logic. Highlighting Ada Lovelace highlights that
Publishing
Ada’s perseverance and dedication children don’t have to choose
Inspired by a viral photo project, Parker’s to her passions, Vegara’s book is between creativity and STEM
photo-driven book celebrates what it means to
be strong and focuses on the idea that girls are not only inspiring for children, interests – they can dream big,
perfect in their imperfections. but also provides a springboard and create whatever they want.
for further reading together or With passion and dedication,
YA/Adults independently. At the end of the dreams can turn into something
The Female Lead: Women book, a short section provides much bigger than they imagined.
Who Shape Our World
Edwina Dunn, Brigitte Lacombe
more detail for parents and
Release: 2017 children interested in learning Ada Lovelace
Publisher: Ebury Press more about Ada and her work. Written by Isabel
Designed to encourage women to realise their Most importantly, the book isn’t Sanchez Vegara
hopes and ambitions, ‘The Female Lead’ outlines just informative, it’s relatable for Illustrated by Zafouko
60 inspirational women from all walks of life, Yamamoto
featuring striking portraits and ambitious stories younger readers and parents alike.
Publisher Frances
told in their own words. It is little details like Ada’s parents Lincoln Children’s Books
being away so she spends time Hardback RRP £9.99,
Adults with her grandparents and cat, available from
The Thrilling Adventures of 1 March 2018
Mrs. Puff, through to the simply
Lovelace and Babbage: The
(Mostly) True Story of the presented parental expectations
First Computer and how they can shape their Kids will love… the simplistic language,
adorable illustrations, and inspirational story
Sydney Padua child’s future, that make what
Release: 2015 Parents will love… the re-readability, further
Publisher: Penguin could be a simple read much talking points, and focus on both creativity
more engaging and memorable. and STEM subjects
An award-winning graphic novel based on
the popular webcomic, Padua turns one of the
world’s most compelling scientific collaborations
April 2018 • happiful • 73
into a hilarious series of adventures.
Lady Geraldine’s Story

I lost my hearing as a child,

but found a passion for
music as an adult
After going deaf aged just seven, Lady Geraldine Elliot taught
herself to lip-read and hid her secret of a silent world from
everyone. But in her 20s, she sought medical support that
changed everything and brought music to her life

E
ver since I was a baby, I had experienced regular me to the back of the class – which made it even harder to
severe ear infections until, at the age of seven, I had lip-read anything at all. Even simple things like the teacher
catastrophic failure of my hearing and ended up calling for quiet would lead to me being punished, as I
completely deaf. wouldn’t hear the instruction. I would be sent to stand for
At that time, I’d been constantly bullied by people who hours outside the headmaster’s office for being disruptive.
assumed I was stupid, rather than understanding about After a while, I did tell one of my closest friends at school
my hearing problems. So when I realised that my hearing that I couldn’t hear anything and that I thought I might be
had completely gone, I was so young and had experienced deaf, but she just smiled and said: “Your secret’s safe with me.”
so many previous problems with my ears that I didn’t tell I never brought up the subject again, and remained isolated
anyone. More out of necessity than anything else, I gradually in every sense.
found I could lip-read most things and hid the fact I was deaf. As the years passed, I gradually withdrew into myself, which
For the most part, I did a good job of covering it up. My made it easier to conceal the problem. For those people that
new-found lip-reading abilities covered most face-to-face I simply didn’t hear, they just thought I was unsociable or
contact in the classroom, in the playground and at home. The ignoring them, so the isolation grew and grew. I muddled
real problems occurred when people would talk out of my on until I was “encouraged” to get married at the age of 16.
vision and I simply didn’t respond. This proved another disaster as I endured five years of hell.
School proved a complete nightmare as the teachers would My husband was violent and abusive, leading to a traumatic
turn to the blackboard to write as they talked, and without break-up where I cited “mental and physical cruelty” as the
their mouths to read, I missed crucial parts of the lessons. grounds for the divorce. Isn’t it funny that when you’re down,
This led to the teachers thinking I was stupid and sending life seems to have the habit of kicking you in the teeth?

74 • happiful • April 2018

True LIFE

At 21 years old, all the problems seemed infection. My left ear, however, was too far
so overwhelming, and unable to conceal gone to treat.
them any longer from my friends and Then came the sometimes overwhelming
family, I visited my doctor and sobbed my feelings – being scared to take the plunge.
whole story out to him. He calmed me with They said that Should I take the risk? Could I cope with
heartfelt wisdom and discussed the options due to infection, the medical risks involved? And probably
I had. After his examination, he referred even more worrying to me at the time,
me to the local hospital hearing clinic, my right ear drum what if it didn’t work? Could I cope with
which at long last offered me a ray of hope had completely the disappointment?
on the horizon. Eventually, I summoned up the courage
I went to my local hospital in Weston- disintegrated to go for it. At long last I could hear
super-Mare, where several specialists again, albeit they could only restore 30%
examined me and pronounced me hearing in one ear, but for me, it was a
profoundly deaf. They said that due miracle. It took some adjusting to my
to infection, my right ear drum had new sound-filled world, with even the
completely disintegrated, but there was a noise of crunching breakfast cereal being
chance that they could use a skin graft as a replacement ear overwhelming at first. But, gradually I adapted and have
drum which, if successful, might be able to restore partial never looked back. It felt like I’d been given a second chance
hearing in that ear. But, they warned that it would be a major and I was determined not to waste it.
operation that carried a life-threatening risk due to potential Continues >>>

April 2018 • happiful • 75

Lady Geraldine’s Story

My new-found love of
music was treated to all
manner of influences
with the local musicians,
and my creative abilities
blossomed

Eventually, withVenezuela proving politically unstable and

growing somewhat homesick, we managed to transfer again,
this time to Edinburgh, Scotland. I immediately started
searching for a way to use my creative skills and so I founded
the Edinburgh Dolls Hospital – a place where broken dolls
and teddies would be lovingly restored and brought back to
health. It seemed so natural given my history.
The business grew as my reputation for offering a first-class,
sympathetic restoration service established my business as
one of the best in the country – and I was recommended by
Harrods and Hamleys. But life played another cruel trick, as
my landlord literally doubled the rent overnight, making the
I re-married, this time choosing a much more stable man, business not viable financially.
who was originally in the Royal Navy but at this time worked But the rollercoaster had another strange twist up its sleeve,
in the oil industry. This led to travelling the world, settling as one of my customers who knew of my love of music invited
initially for a few years in Libya, north Africa. Searing heat, me to a recording session in his studio. He had previously
flies, snakes and barren desert made the place intolerable, and worked with the likes of Big Country, Wet Wet Wet and the
add to that in Tripoli they carried out public executions, then Bay City Rollers. I was fascinated by this creative environment
you’ll understand why we couldn’t wait to leave. We managed and welcomed the opportunity when asked to provide female
to transfer and relocate to Venezuela, South America, where backing vocals on one of the tracks.
my new-found love of music was treated to all manner of At the same time, I knew I had to address the void that the
styles and influences with the local musicians. It was within closure of the Dolls Hospital, and a recent second divorce, had
this environment that my creative abilities blossomed. inflicted on my life. I decided to incorporate all my creative

76 • happiful • April 2018

True LIFE

and hands-on restoration skills into a new business

venture. I started my jewellery design and manufacturing
business, Lady Geraldine Designs Limited. Still based in
the culture capital of Scotland, Edinburgh, my business
has grown to service two distinct markets: everyday
jewellery with quality beads sourced from all over the
world; and my Precious Collection made from the finest
precious stones. I still hand-make every bespoke piece
with the same love, care and attention I lavished on the
poor souls that came into my Dolls Hospital. It is now my
firm belief that everyone and everything should be treated
with respect; whether that be a person, animal or even toy;
nothing and no one should ever be written off.
The rest, as they say, is history. My musical partnership
has led to my life stories and experiences being turned
into songs, that are literally part of me. My new Album
Little Miss Blue offers songs from my heart, and really
helped me deal with my previous hurtful and damaging
experiences. I hope that they are not just entertaining, but
convey serious messages about life and all it can throw
at you and, most importantly, how to deal with that. Be
strong, be positive and never give up on your dream. If I
can inspire even one person with my life story, then it’s all
been worthwhile.

Our Expert Says

Lady Geraldine became adept at covering up
her hearing loss, but this lead to bullying, and
misunderstanding. Like many with a disability, it
became easier to hide. After an abusive marriage,
a divorce and isolation, she felt she could no
longer cope. But after finding the courage to reach
out for help, her hearing was partially restored and
life blossomed. She is a shining example of the
possibility of triumph over adversity, and hopes
that sharing her experiences will inspire others to
defeat their demons as well.

Graeme Orr
MBACP (Accred) UKRCP
Reg Ind counsellor

April 2018 • happiful • 77

Sex & Relationships | The Big ‘O’

Orgasms
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

A Wellness Supercharger
With benefits including anxiety-fighting hormones,
and a host of physical perks, could regular
orgasms transform wellness as we know it?

78 • happiful • April 2018

Sexual HEALING

O
rgasms are good of Sexual Behavior, which found a total
for us. Like, really of 237 different motivations that could be
good for us. Physical categorised into: physical reasons, goal-
benefits, psychological based reasons, emotional reasons, and
benefits, and a whole insecurity-based reasons.
host of social ones; “Sex with a partner means that open,
the evidence is vulnerable part of you is being exposed to
overwhelmingly telling us that it’s something someone else. To their needs, desires but
we should invest some time in. also hang-ups and prejudices,” says Lucy.
When I attended a recent Ann Summers “And while there are certain emotional risks
event in London, launching their new with doing this, when it’s right, the pay-off
Elation range, with a focus on the mental can be fantastic.”
health and wellness benefits of orgasms,
masturbation and sexual health, I was
struck, not by anything “vulgar”, but the
naturalness of sexual wellbeing.
At the event, I met Lucy Beresford, host
of LBC radio’s Relationships and Sex show,
This Morning agony aunt, and all-round I would never say sex
sex-positive woman. With a background in
psychotherapy and counselling, for Lucy sex,
or masturbation is
orgasms and mental health are all connected. better for you than the
“For some individuals, there can be a huge
link,” says Lucy. “Feeling sexually confident other, it’s just lovely
and relaxed about intimacy can lead to wider
confidence in life.”
that with masturbation,
It seems that few things possess the power you possess a reliable
to transform both our mental and physical
health the way that orgasms do. And yet,
source of pleasure for
history shows that they haven’t always been the rest of your life!
a welcome part of our lives and attitudes.
But times are a-changin’. Talking about sex
is OK, masturbation is OK, and regular
orgasms can have the power to transform
our wellness. Here’s how they do it:
And the value of an orgasm with a
WITH A PARTNER partner cannot be underestimated.
When it comes to having orgasms with a Communication is the cornerstone to a
partner, there’s some disparity between the successful relationship, and orgasming
genders. On average, men report having an with a partner has been shown to greatly
orgasm 85.1% of the time, no matter what increase our ability to bond with each other.
their sexual orientation, but hetrosexual A 2014 study into “pillow talk”, a colloquial
women report orgasms only 62.9% of the term to describe the usually “deep”
time, with that number slightly higher for conversations had after sex, published in
lesbian women at 74.7%. the Journal of Communication Monographs,
Of course, the goal of every sexual showed that couples who orgasmed during
interaction doesn’t have to be an orgasm, sexual activity were more open with each
and people choose to have sex for a whole other afterwards, and were more likely
host of reasons. In fact, back in 2007, two to talk about their emotions and disclose
researchers from the University of Texas “information of greater magnitude”.
published a study in the journal Archives Continues >>>

April 2018 • happiful • 79

Sex & Relationships | The Big ‘O’

HISTORY OF THE
Female Orgasm
13th Century
In Medieval medical texts,
female sexual organs were seen
as an inversion of a male’s, and
as an orgasm from a man was
essential for conception, they
assumed the same must be
true for women.

19th Century
Attitudes towards female
orgasms drastically changed
and were now viewed as
part of a female nervous
condition called “hysteria”, with
symptoms including irritability,
nervousness, sexual desire, and
most other normal emotions. In
order to treat “hysteria”, doctors ‘With no risk of pregnancy or STDs, masturbation
would masturbate women to is the safest way to explore your sexuality’
orgasm, leading to the invention
of the vibrator.

20th Century GOING SOLO difference is that the part of the body
Ancient teachings and cultural taboos men use for masturbation is clearly
Before scientist Alfred Kinsey’s
have come together throughout visible, whereas for women, only part
sexual survey in the 1940s,
history to project masturbation as a of the clitoris is visible and nothing
not much was known about
shameful thing. But this is changing. of the vagina. Over time (by which
women’s sexual habits. This
We’re talking about it more in the I mean centuries) I believe this has
study, the first of its kind
media and our personal relationships, set up an idea that playing with your
and still referenced today,
and a 2017 study by Ganesan P penis is an ‘open’ activity, whereas
revealed much about how
Adaikan in the Journal of Sexual stimulating your clitoris, vulva, labia
women experience orgasms
Medicine, found that feelings of guilt or vagina is somehow ‘hidden’ or
– specifically that 40% of the
amongst women who masturbate are ‘secret’.”
women surveyed had their first
decreasing, replaced by a “positive With no risk of pregnancy or
orgasm through masturbation.
relationship and feelings towards their sexually transmitted diseases,
bodies”. masturbation is the safest way to
21st Century
“Masturbation boosts your sexual explore your sexuality and, as long as
Even now we’re not quite sure
confidence,” says Lucy. “It can provide it doesn’t start negatively affecting the
why women have orgasms.
a reliable source of orgasms, and rest of your life or relationships, it’s a
While there are several
the hormone released during those healthy way to get to know your body.
hypotheses, we’re still some
orgasms means masturbation creates “I would never say sex or
way from knowing the truth.
relaxation and pleasure.” masturbation is better for you than
In the meantime, what we are
Generally speaking, we’re much the other,” adds Lucy. “It’s just lovely
certain of is that orgasms are
more open about talking about that with masturbation, you possess a
great for both your physical and
masturbation in men, and Lucy has reliable source of pleasure for the rest
mental health.
some ideas as to why: “The main of your life!”

80 • happiful • April 2018

Sexual HEALING

HISTORY OF THE LUCY BERESFORD’S

Male Orgasm TIPS FOR A FULFILLING SEX-LIFE
13th Century On your own…
At this time, it was believed that “There are so many great sex toys, massage
men could die if they didn’t have oils, erotic literature or films to watch.”
regular sex. For this reason,
medical thinkers recommended
masturbation to celibate men With a partner…
such as monks. “Start the conversation by referring to
something you’ve read or heard about (like
19th Century this article! Or a scene in a movie...) as a way
By the Victorian era, to introduce some new ideas. You could, for
masturbation was out of the example suggest an erotic dance, practise
question. However, ejaculation role-play, use a feather boa to tickle your
during sex was encouraged and partner’s skin, or use sex toys.”
it was thought that whichever
partner had the strongest
orgasm, would pass on more of
their characteristics to a child.

20th Century THE MIND But we also feel healthier too. A study
In 1966, Masters and Johnson’s When a person has an orgasm their body published in New England Journal of
groundbreaking study on is flooded with the hormone, oxytocin, Medicine in 2007 found that of the 3,000
sexuality shone a new light on the feel-good chemical that leaves us participants, those who were having
the male orgasm. Tracking each feeling warm and fuzzy, often referred sex regularly rated their general health
stage, they provided us with a to as the “afterglow”. But this isn’t just higher than those who weren’t.
definitive understanding of the a fleeting feeling. Last year, researchers
phases of a male orgasm. at Florida State University studied THE TAKEAWAY
214 newlywed couples and found the From the mental to the physical, from
21st Century “afterglow” feelings of satisfaction and our relationships with others to the
We now have a pretty good stimulation could last for up to 48 hours. relationship with ourselves, it seems
idea of what the male orgasm Orgasms can also raise testosterone there are few things that can’t be
is for and how it works. While in levels in both men and women, enhanced with good sexual wellbeing.
some cultures, taboos around increasing our sex-drive and creating That isn’t to say that the big ‘O’ can
masturbation still exist, we are a self-satisfying cycle of feel-good solve all of life’s problems, or that those
generally open about it and its hormones where the endorphins in who choose celibacy can’t have equally
benefits. our bodies can send us into deeply fulfilling lives. But the perks are ripe and
relaxed states, soothing our stresses and there for the picking and, as we continue
anxieties. to bring down sexual taboos, what’s to
stop you taking a bite?
THE BODY
Heart disease, When it comes to the effect of orgasms
diabetes, migraines, and on our physical health, it seems that Lucy Beresford is a qualified
there are few things that can’t be boosted. psychotherapist (UKCP)
colds are thought to be Heart disease, diabetes, migraines, and host of LBC radio’s
prevented or tackled by stomach ulcers, coughs and colds, and Relationships & Sex phone-in
regular orgasms even ageing are thought to be prevented show.Visit lucyberesford.co.uk
or tackled by regular orgasms.

April 2018 • happiful • 81

Happiful Hero

Pockets of Happiness
For the Local Community
Rebekah Moody has nominated her friend
Katie Britcliffe, who worked through grief 10% of the
pr
to MH cha ofits go
rity Mind
to create a network of happiness

T
hings haven’t always turned an experience that would have “Katie deserves to be recognised as
been easy for Katie. A broken many people into a positive, an unsung hero,” says Rebekah, “for
few years ago, her mum, inspiring and uplifting initiative, that her stoicism, determination and drive
Annie, was diagnosed has changed many people’s lives for to turn a tragedy into daily pockets of
with Motor Neurone the better,” says Rebekah. happiness that she shares with people
Disease and, after a few short Katie began making beautiful across the world.”
months, she passed away. It was an homemade keyrings with a “happy”
unbelievably tough period for Katie, tag attached to them, and hiding them
not only with facing the fact that her around Surrey. Each keyring had a
mum would not be with her for much message, a number and a web address,
longer, but also in taking an active and people could keep or re-hide their
role in her care.
Rebekah tells us that
keyring, with the idea being that each
keyring brought a small pocket of
Katie turned an
on the hardest days, happiness to someone’s day, and they experience that
Katie and Annie could either keep it, or share it again.
Do you always tried to She encouraged people to log their would have broken
know an find small things keyrings as they were hidden and many people, into an
that happened found on the Pockets of Happiness
unsung each day that website. Soon after, the idea took off uplifting initiative, that
hero? were worth and gained hundreds of followers
has changed people’s
Send your celebrating. online.
nominations to Annie’s Katie now sells the keyrings lives for the better
[email protected] philosophy was nationally, does gift packs and
that no matter how birthday cards, and gives 10% of all
hard the day, there profits to mental health charity Mind.
was always a pocket of She has turned it into a small business
happiness to be found. with the aim of keeping it going as
“The reason I am nominating her is a long-term endeavour, in loving You can find out more about Katie’s Pockets
that, following a year from hell, she memory of her mum. of Happiness at: findmyhappy.org

82 • happiful • April 2018

WHAT MAKES US HUMAN?
Ubuntu is the South African philosophy, that reminds us that
we are all interconnected, and are most “human” when we share
kindness with other people