DMT and Child Loss
DMT and Child Loss
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Alexandria B. Callahan
ISSN 0146-3721
Volume 33
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DOI 10.1007/s10465-011-9117-3
Alexandria B. Callahan
Introduction
A. B. Callahan (&)
Chicago, IL, USA
e-mail: [email protected]
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Initial research and interviews with bereaved parents revealed that (1) child death
affects entire communities in all cultures, (2) child loss is one of the most
devastating life events to face, and (3) the depth of the pain and the consequent
process of grieving are often misunderstood (Bellali & Papadatou, 2006; Cook &
Wimberley, 1983; Dean, McClement, Bond, Daeninck, & Nelson, 2005; Fletcher,
2002; Riches & Dawson, 1996). Child death due to illness or accident is looked
upon more compassionately than child loss due to suicide. Many people avoid the
subject entirely (Hass & Walter, 2007; Parrish & Tunkle, 2003). This avoidance in
turn frequently results in feelings of social isolation for the bereaved parents, who
do not wish to make others feel uncomfortable.
Records collected from an internship with bereaved parents based on dance/
movement therapy interventions were reviewed in order to discover the thoughts
and feelings the bereaved parents struggle to express during their healing. My work
with parents took place at an agency that had a center for holistic counseling, staffed
by a number of counselors with experience in grief counseling. Presented with the
idea for a movement-based bereavement group, the agency willingly created the
space needed for it. To advertise it and help bring its existence into the awareness of
potential participants, bereavement groups at local churches, funeral homes,
hospitals, libraries, and social service facilities were also notified. All bereaved
parents who inquired about the group were invited to attend a first meeting. Those
parents who ultimately decided to participate were middle-aged Caucasians; the
duration of their bereavement ranged from 6 months to 11 years.
This study explored how movement can assist in resolving complicated grief due
to child loss. It attempted to gain a fuller understanding of the thoughts, feelings,
experiences, and approaches taken by bereaved parents as they try to cope with the
loss of a child. The hope was that dance/movement therapy could offer an outlet for
feelings difficult to express in words.
This researcher kept a journal of thoughts and feelings engendered in her by this
process, and the reactions of the bereaved parents. Permission was obtained from
participants to audio/video record sessions. These records were used both to review
specific interventions and to discover the writer’s reactions to the material. To gain
background information, multiple interviews were also conducted with bereaved
parents not participating in the group, which yielded a fuller understanding of where
the parents were in their grieving process, and their current views on life.
The idea of creating the choreographed piece, Buried Treasures, based on the
bereavement group, allowed the writer to delve into the topic of child loss on a more
personal level. The stories of each of the parents’ losses were analyzed, and parts of
their dialogues were incorporated into the performance. Five theatre students were
invited to assist in creating Buried Treasures. Those who performed in the
choreographed piece, Buried Treasures, included the writer, students from the
Theatre and Dance Department of Northern Illinois University, in DeKalb, and a
faculty member from Columbia College Chicago. The performers did not
participate in the bereavement group. The decision to choose actors to participate
in the choreographed piece rather than dancers was based on the need to use the
voice as well as the body to embody the emotions of the bereaved parents, thus
enhancing the performance while more accurately portraying the parents’ losses.
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Moustakas (1990) developed the concept of self-study to delve deeper into his own
personal challenges. The overall goal of such heuristic study is to find personal
meaning within one’s own experience. The study begins with a question or problem
that the researcher wants to explore (Moustakas, 1990). Douglass and Moustakas
(1985) spoke of heuristic study as a way to awaken the researcher’s imagination in
exploring personal questions. Authentic approaches to answering personal questions
lead to autobiographical discoveries, unique to the researcher. Moustakas (1990)
states that the heuristic researcher needs to remain open and attuned to all the
components of experience in order to gain total understanding without biases.
Qualitative representations of the researcher’s thoughts, feelings, events, and
interactions are recorded in order to explore the experience and gain knowledge
from the research (Douglass & Moustakas 1985).
According to Hervey (2000), artistic inquiry uses artistic methods to research a
topic. The inquiry itself helps the researcher gain a fuller understanding of a specific
subject through the use of creative process. The aesthetic values of the researcher
also serve to motivate her artistic inquiry. The artistic inquiry must meet three
criteria: first, aesthetic motivation and determination influence the inquiry; second, a
creative process is used and acknowledged; and third, data collection, analysis, and
presentation are done via artistic methods. There are five initial steps that are taken
when exploring an artistic inquiry: initial awareness, decontextualization and
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feelings experienced around the loss of their children. Levy (2005) states that
Schoop enjoyed working with exaggerated movements in order to bring humor into
a troubling situation. A small amount of humor may be beneficial to bereaved
parents as a way to lighten some of the pain they carry, thus allowing them to find
some comfort with their losses.
Keller (2000) used dance/movement therapy and religious faith to assist African-
American women who had lost their children to sudden infant death syndrome. She
discovered that, compared to Caucasian women, twice as many African-American
women lose their children in this way. Keller (2000) chose to use faith and
movement in her research because they are two strong components of African-
American culture and noticed that the dance/movement therapy sessions provided
the women with time and space to work through their grief, as well as to release
stressful energy from everyday life.
Movement thus appears to open opportunities for self-exploration, acceptance,
expression, and communication with others. Movement provides mental wellbeing
and positive therapeutic results. Bacon (2007) used dance/movement therapy
techniques to create performances which develop and strengthen the sense of self.
Movement exploration provided Bacon’s research participants with a creative outlet
that allowed unconscious feelings held in the body to form the connection between
the conscious and unconscious mind. This process resulted in gaining a fuller sense
of self and personal wellbeing (Bacon, 2007). The sense of self discovery through
this approach could well be beneficial to parents bereaved by child loss. Koocher
(1994) also recognized that bereaved parents tend to be lost within their own grief.
By applying an approach similar to Bacon’s, the bereaved parents would be given
an opportunity to face their losses and express their feelings toward the loss, while
rediscovering and strengthening a sense of self-identity.
We may read the narratives told by participants as stories. Often, in dance/
movement therapy, the stories are embodied by the participants and expressed
through body language. In dance/movement therapy, participants strive to find
authenticity in their movements and to connect their movement expressions to the
issues at hand. Context is another important aspect in dance/movement therapy. No
matter how large or small, context is related to the larger story being portrayed.
Dance/movement therapists observe their participants’ movements and gain specific
understanding which can then be related to the general population (Hervey, 2000).
The general in the particular refers to the individual communicating a universal or
common situation, in which observers can see aspects of themselves.
This researcher utilized authentic movement as artistic inquiry and used an
experiential approach to explore the question: How can artistic inquiry, inspired by
parents bereaved by child loss, assist a dance/movement therapist in understanding
and communicating the depth of complicated grief to those who have not personally
experienced child loss?
Through the personal embodiment of the bereaved parents’ responses, this author
hoped to gain a better understanding of what parents experience when they must live
beyond the life of their children. In addition, there was hope that others who have
not experienced such loss would gain a more complete sense of what it is like to lose
a child. A review of literature (Martinson et al., 2000; Rothschild, 2000) showed
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that the body holds painful memories and that movement can assist in releasing
some of the body’s tensions. This would indicate that a body-based approach to
understanding the healing process of bereaved parents is well-suited to gaining a
fuller understanding of what they might experience. Furthermore, art expression
through movement-based drawing and color usage may provide bereaved parents
with an initial re-connection to an activity their child may have enjoyed in the past
and offer a new outlet for the parents to express their feelings of loss. Art forms,
such as drawing, are helpful in assisting children to express their emotions
surrounding grief; similar results may be witnessed with bereaved parents engaged
in various artistic activities (Glazer, 2006).
Preliminary interviews conducted with parents outside of the internship group, who
had lost a child as well, enabled this writer to think about and develop dance/
movement therapy experientials. The order in which each of these experientials was
introduced was based on what had happened the previous week, as well as verbal
and nonverbal feedback received from the bereaved parents at the end of each
session.
Dance/movement therapy techniques utilized included:
• attuning to another group member’s breathing and moving their breath
• guided meditation
• writing a letter to their deceased child
• creating an inside-outside bag
• enhancing symbolic thinking using a stretch band
• acting out a narrative of an event that happened in their lives
• drawing and walking their grieving pathway.
The movement-based bereavement group began each session with an introduc-
tion to new members and time for the parents to discuss their children and share
memories. The group would then come together and each participant would take
three to five big breaths. Breathing is used to help center a person within him/
herself. The initial experiential, attuning to and moving their partner’s breath (for
example, putting weight in your body if the breath is heavy or spreading out your
limbs if the breath is full and light) allowed the parents to begin forming
connections. To enhance the experiential, parents were invited to take a few
minutes, while exploring their breath, to notice what was happening within their
bodies. This assisted them in finding places where they held tension and, utilizing
the breath as a tool to release the tension, to further strengthen their connection to
self. In turn, this connection to their core self enabled participants to be more
centered within, to begin to verbalize their thoughts and feelings in a more genuine
way, and to share them.
For some, it was awkward to imagine embodying another person’s breath; for
others, it was difficult because they could not find the connection to the other
person. Once a connection had been formed, it was possible for participants to
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become aware of their own difficulties in allowing another to help carry the weight
of their grief, while also being able to experience the feeling of relieving another’s
grief. Once established, this awareness allowed the bereaved parents to discover
their levels of comfort in sharing the depth of their grief with new people.
Seated in chairs set up in a circle, a typical formation in dance/movement therapy
(Chaiklin & Schmais, 1993), everyone in the group could be seen and form a
connection, with the center of the circle as a focus. In this way, each parent had the
opportunity to connect to others and be recognized by the entire group. Parents were
then encouraged to explore their relationship to the chair in which they were sitting
as a form of support and to adjust their ‘‘sit’’ bones, spinal columns, and adjoining
muscles in order to find a comfortable position. This helped to orient, ground, and
center them.
The circle formed a wall to the outside world and thus created a safe place for
parents to share their stories and further explore the unifying topic of child loss. In
this way the group members formed connections with each other and created their
own support system. Each session concluded with parents holding hands in a circle
and breathing together, thus unifying the group and allowing its members to carry
feelings of support out into the world.
An original guided meditation was used to focus the parents on body awareness
as they were guided back to the first time they had heard about losing their children,
progressing to the funeral/memorial services, and ending at their present states. This
experiential was used to attune individuals to their bodily sensations and to the
reactions they had had during the events surrounding their child’s death. Many
agreed that they had not, up to that point, realized how unaware they had been of
their surroundings during the initial stages of child loss. Several parents stated that
they could not see anyone’s face, and had just placed the faces in their memories of
people they thought would have come to their child’s service. These results seemed
to indicate that bereaved parents develop a temporary unconscious body-mind
disconnection.
Parents were asked to write a letter to their children. This provided them with a
new way to connect with their deceased children and a new way to express their
feelings toward their losses. The men, especially, began to talk about the death of
their children with more compassion and were able to add a touch of humor to
stories rather than just express anger, as they did during the first few weeks. One
gentleman in particular always spoke from a place of anger and reflected on the bad
things his son had been involved in. After writing a letter to his son, he became
tearful. When he began to speak about his son again, his words had softened and his
bound flow showed a subtle release. He had found it easier to hold on to the anger at
his son’s actions than to express the overwhelming sadness that this loss created.
This intervention supplied the introduction and title for Buried Treasures, for it had
elicited those feelings which are locked away with the lost child.
At one of the sessions, pictures were spread around the room and the parents
were asked to pick up those photos which represented how they felt on the inside
and other photos representing how they portrayed themselves to the outside world.
The parents were then asked to glue the pictures to brown-paper sandwich bags,
placing the pictures on the inside and outside of the bag respectively. Thus, the
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Buried Treasures
Phase one of artistic inquiry, initial awareness, emerged toward the end of the
7-week bereavement group. The parents had been observed by this author and their
spoken words recorded in a journal. Body language and movements were also
observed and recorded. As the 7-week group was coming to an end, the parents
carried so much grief within that they appeared to be paralyzed, mainly from the
waist down. This led this writer to find a way to use their unexpressed words in a
script, which actors embodied in a choreographed performance, Buried Treasures.
The piece incorporated recorded movements of the parental bereavement group.
The movements were taught to, and recreated by the performers with the aid of
Laban Movement Analysis (Newlove & Dalby, 2004). This way of describing the
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constant reminder that the heartache of child loss will be present forever in the lives
of bereaved parents. This use of color further transformed words, drawings, and
movement into artistic performance.
Through the use of Laban Movement Analysis the performers’ renditions of the
bereaved parents’ stories were tracked and recorded with special attention to body
shape and effort qualities. At this point, phase three of artistic inquiry, appreciation
and discrimination, started. Here, the performers experimented with various ways of
portraying the parents’ stories. This experimentation led to phase four of artistic
inquiry, refinement and transformation. After reviewing various music selections for
Buried Treasures, Donna Lewis’s ‘‘Silent World,’’ (Lewis, 1996), was chosen. It
reflected a wish to have a loved one return in order to say ‘‘I love you’’ one last time,
a sentiment (I had learned through our group sessions) that the parents would have
wished to experience.
Phase five of artistic inquiry, recontextualization, was achieved when the
choreographed piece was performed on July 10, 2008, at the dance/movement
therapy and counseling student/faculty dance concert of Columbia College Chicago,
‘‘Work, Play, Love.’’ Video recordings of the performers’ group meetings,
rehearsals, and the final performance were compiled. Consent forms from the
bereaved parents were acquired prior to compilation of the video and the recording
was made available to the members of the bereavement group.
The particular venue of the dance/movement therapy and counseling student/
faculty concert was chosen because the concert offered the researcher a diverse
audience of professionals in dance/movement therapy and counseling as well as
members of the general public. After Buried Treasures was performed at the
concert, an audience survey was provided to gain information about the ways in
which the piece affected the audience. The feedback from individuals who attended
the concert enabled this researcher to deepen her understanding and interpretation of
the nature of child loss. The audience reactions to the choreographed piece, Buried
Treasures, confirmed the idea that child loss produces feelings which otherwise tend
to be avoided. Many audience members stated that their initial reactions were shock
and sadness. Memories of loss also surfaced, which audience members had to revisit
in the moment. Those members in the audience who were parents experienced fear
for their own children. Some audience members who had lost a child agreed that
everyone grieves in his or her own way. One couple from the researcher’s
bereavement group was in the audience, and, after viewing Buried Treasures, they
informed the researcher that the piece expressed everything they had felt and gone
through. They also wished that more parents who had lost children could have been
in the audience. As Hervey (2000) noted, dance/movement therapists observe
participants’ movements and link participants’ experiences in ways beneficial to the
general population.
While reviewing the audience’s responses to Buried Treasures, this author studied
her journal notes for correlations to the audience’s responses. At the conclusion of
the research, a circular impact on all who came into contact with the performance
became apparent. The bereavement group members explored their inner feelings,
through the video recordings the researcher was able to pinpoint and further define
those feelings, and then shared the parents’ stories and their experiences about losing
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a child with the performers. The performers embodied these feelings, synthesized
them, and artistically arranged them into creative movements, thereby palpably
communicating to the audience the suffering that child loss creates.
Conclusion
The purpose of this heuristic-artistic inquiry was to discover the answer to this
question: How can an inquiry in an artistic form, inspired by parents bereaved by
child loss, enable a dance/movement therapist to understand and communicate the
depth of their grief to those who have not personally experienced child loss? The
journey taken while working on the topic of child loss led to many new insights.
This movement exploration was originally designed to elucidate the needs of
bereaved parents through interpretations of their responses to various dance/
movement therapy experientials. A very successful intervention used to help
bereaved parents feel grounded was the use of breathing exercises at the beginning
and end of each session. In having the parents feel their feet on the floor and use
their breath (simply focusing on inhaling and exhaling) for support as well as to
connect to everyone in the room, the bereaved parents were able to rise slightly in
their vertical axes. In turn, this expansion fostered in each parent a deeper
connection to his or her sense of self. When the parents felt their inner support, they
were able to release some of the tension stored in their bodies. They decreased their
defenses and verbalized their thoughts and feelings in more genuine ways. Thus, as
the performance piece evolved, this author explored the parents’ loss of self on a
body-based level and communicated the experience of bereavement to the audience.
Embodying the bereaved parents’ movements and experiences while attuning to
their body tensions and sensations, allowed for a deeper understanding of what these
parents experienced which, in turn, enabled this author to look at life with new
knowledge and appreciation. She learned to value others more, to honor life rather
than fear mortality, and to graciously take what life has to offer. The use of non-
verbal experientials with bereaved parents strengthened their body-mind connec-
tions. An emphasis on expanding the body’s vertical axis heightened each parent’s
sense of self, personal identity, and ultimately provided insight into how the trauma
of losing a child affects the body. In addition, the relief of complex grief was
facilitated through breath work that alleviated body tensions.
This author’s journal also indicated that her creation of Buried Treasures
paralleled the parents’ own grieving processes—a long trip with adventures, pain,
and stories of self-discovery. The qualitative data garnered from the audience
surveys confirmed that (1) child loss is a powerful experience; (2) those who have
suffered such a loss do not express it openly; (3) each audience member had
individual, particular insights about child loss; (4) some of the audience members
agreed with the remarks made by the bereaved parent group while others disagreed,
indicating that everyone grieves in his or her own way.
The aesthetic values of artistic inquiry were all incorporated in this research,
although some were more prevalent than others. Recognizable patterns culled from
the bereaved group’s expressive movements appeared throughout the performance.
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Each of the bereaved parents’ stories was unique, as were their representations. This
researcher’s understanding and insight were expressed through the presentation of
Buried Treasures. The choreographed piece was this researcher’s own interpretation
of the complicated grief caused by child loss.
The performance was reinforced in vitality and validity by the text used by the
researcher. The stories and quotes the performers were provided with were
accurately drawn from the bereaved parents’ experiences. Because this author used
wholeness and body-mind harmony through the combined use of text and
movement, the audience was offered a body-mind experience conveying the
emotional aspects of child loss. The contextualized meaning of the performance was
clear.
The audience reaction to Buried Treasures validated the observation that
everyone grieves in his or her own way, and that child loss is not understood by
those who have not experienced it. Finally, through the performance, the
choreography expressed what was important to this writer about the experience
of child loss. The performance also helped her find ways to heal from losses she had
personally experienced. Movement is seen here as an expression of emotion as well
as a way to connect with unfamiliar or difficult to bear feelings. Here, much as in
authentic movement, movement explorations assist in the discovery of the
unfamiliar, while repatterning of negative body sensations into positive ones guides
the healing process after tragic events (e.g., the release of negative tension through
breath work ultimately promoted a shift to a slightly more positive outlook).
Additional body-based interventions could well bring further positive results to
those experiencing child loss and complicated grief. During guided meditation, a
few parents showed lack of body awareness, including tension and discomfort
experienced when reflecting on their losses. They eventually became aware, for the
first time in this group, of a bodily response connected to memories and thoughts.
Verbal expression through letter writing and reading as well as the inside-outside
bag experiential, also opened up new ways to express grief, gain new insights, and
cope with such a loss. Indeed, each parent was able to identify the ‘‘mask’’ worn on
the outside to cover up actual feelings on the inside. The stretch band, used for
symbolic thought and creativity, assisted parents in reconnecting with each other as
well as to release their own tensions. In a parallel process, it was the act of
choreography that served to relieve the researcher’s own tensions.
An intervention the researcher used requested the bereaved parents to tell a story
of an event that changed their lives and to walk/move while telling the story. The
bereaved parents could only verbalize their feelings when asked how they felt about
a specific emotion in their body and whether they could demonstrate the feeling in
movement. Encouraging even simple movements while relaying a story may help
the grieving parent to be more comfortable with him or herself. Drawing and
subsequently walking the grief pathway provided the bereaved parents with a visual
representation of their pathways of grief, depicting where they had been, where they
were now, and where they hoped to be in the future. This experiential allowed them
to witness how far they had come along the path. The sessions consistently ended
with the group coming together and breathing with each other. This experiential
provided support for the entire group as well as grounding the parents in the here
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and now, releasing some of the tension acquired through the exploration of their
grief.
The choreographed piece offered the author’s interpretation of what the bereaved
parents wanted to share as well as what had affected her personally from the
sessions shared with the parents. Buried Treasures shed light on the subject of child
loss and was intended to inform the audience about a topic that is usually avoided,
yet needs to be addressed in our society. Through dance/movement therapy
experientials it was possible to demonstrate the journey of loss and healing as each
of the bereaved parents independently faced his or her own grief. In addition, the
piece allowed the writer to say goodbye to those she had lost and finally to discover
a sense of peace.
If this study is replicated, the researcher will do well to keep in mind several
questions: Why is it important to research the effects of child loss on the family?
Would it be beneficial to use the bereaved persons in the choreographed piece in
order to assist them in a healing journey? What is the message the researcher wishes
to convey to the audience viewing the choreographed piece? If everyone grieves in
his or her own way throughout their journey of hope and understanding, what are the
commonalities of this kind of grief and what is the nature of divergent reactions?
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