THE MAGAZINE DEVOTED TO MENTAL HEALTH APRIL 2020 £4.

00

OVERCOME
SELF-DOUBT
THE

Cultivate that
kindness
EDIT
confident mindset • Support a friend
with depression

POSITIVE
• Respect our differences
• Embrace your

INFLUENCE
body

Saffron Barker
on tackling trolls &
believing in yourself

Holistic
healing
We explore tarot,
acupuncture &
sound bathing

FIND YOUR
PURPOSE
9 772514

It’s time to put passion first How to talk

about suicide
373000

sensitively
04

Language has real power,

& talking can save lives HAPPIFUL.COM
“
People start to heal the
moment they feel heard
– CHERYL RICHARDSON

Photography | Sept Commercial

Below
the surface
It's easy to make a snap judgement.
We probably do it 20 times a day –
whether by making assumptions
about people based on their
appearance, feeling agitated by the
tone in a WhatsApp message, or even
guessing someone's mood by their
expression. In our exclusive interview, she opens
up about feeling vulnerable, and her
But appearances can be so deceiving – responsibility as a role model (p16).
it's time we started to break the mould
with our expections, and no longer We also share insight on how to
jumped to conclusions. Now is the support a friend with depression
time to put giving the benefit of the (p54), and what you can do for
doubt into action. those struggling with their mental
health on public transport (p22).
It's a classic saying, but it rings true: Discover advice on changing the
you never know what someone else is public perception of disability (p24),
going through. The more we can keep along with a guide to speaking about
open minds, embrace empathy, and suicide sensitively (p47).
stay patient, the greater the impact on
our community. Let's lead by example, and show how
much of a difference empathy and
With our April issue of Happiful, we compassion can make in our world.
hope to spread the message of how W | happiful.com
vital a little kindness and compassion Be kind.
can be. F | happifulhq

Our cover star, Saffron Barker, T | @happifulhq

seemingly exudes confidence, but is
no stranger to online trolls. REBECCA THAIR | EDITOR I | @happiful_magazine
Features

16 Saffron Barker
The YouTube sensation on confidence,
gratitude, and what it's like to be thrust into
the spotlight at just 19 years old

30 Dress to express
We explore the psychology of style, and
how it affects our mood

44 Izzy Judd
The author and violinist on creating
moments of calm and connection amid
the chaos of family life

47 Sensitive subjects
Talking about suicide is hard, but it's easier
when we have the tools to do it sensitively

77 Hydration anxiety
When does an obsession with drinking
enough water become unhealthy?

The Uplift
8 In the news Food & Drink

13 The wellbeing wrap 60 Food fantasies

Tuck in to these easy, delicious recipes
from food network Tasty
14 What is stimming?
Tapping, playing with hair, or clicking
pens are all signs of this sensory habit 63 Fight fatigue
If you struggle with low energy, the key to
feeling like 'you' again may be in your gut
90 Quickfire: MH Matters
67 Food on the brain
GBBO finalist Kimberley Wilson on how
Life Stories what we eat affects how we feel

41 Joanne: emerging on top

Joanne's world fell apart when she
realised she'd endured years of Lifestyle and
emotional abuse. Over time, she rebuilt
her life and discovered how to thrive
Relationships

57 Sam: a fresh start 22 From 'A' to 'B'

Stuck in a cycle of drinking and Strategies for tackling public transport
withdrawals, it took nearly getting to
crisis before Sam asked for help. But 27 Drift off to dreamland
when he did, he began moving forward

28 Holistic healing
87 Shaun: finding my feet Grace Victory explores alternative therapies
For years, Shaun was in and out of
hospital with severe depression. Though
when he discovered the power of 35 Strike out self-doubt
exercise, his health took an upward turn It's time to back yourself
Our team
EDITORIAL
Rebecca Thair | Editor
Kathryn Wheeler | Head Writer
Tia Sinden | Editorial Assistant
Bonnie Evie Gifford, Kat Nicholls | Senior Writers
Becky Wright | Content & Marketing Officer
Grace Victory | Columnist
Lucy Donoughue | Head of Partnerships
Ellen Hoggard | Digital Editor
Keith Howitt | Sub-Editor
Rav Sekhon | Expert Advisor

ART & DESIGN

Amy-Jean Burns | Art Director
Charlotte Reynell | Creative Lead
Rosan Magar | Illustrator

COMMUNICATIONS
Alice Greedus
PR Officer
[email protected]

CONTRIBUTORS
Gemma Calvert, Katie Conibear, Anna Gaunt,
Ilse Passet, Jenna Farmer, Helen Snape,
Katie Hoare, Sarah Young, Joanne Wu, Sam Thomas,
Shaun Vos, Gordana Petrović

SPECIAL THANKS
Happiful Hacks Graeme Orr, Nicola Vanlint, Shakaila Forbes-Bell,
Sophie Robin-Wilde, Karen Alexander, Sonal Shah,
Dr Aishah Iqbal, Tiina Mokvist, Tasty
24 Challenge disability perceptions
MANAGEMENT
38 Find your purpose Aimi Maunders | Director & Co-Founder
Emma White | Director & Co-Founder
54 Support friends with depression Paul Maunders | Director & Co-Founder

72 Stop people-pleasing SUBSCRIPTIONS

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Wellness CONTACT
Happiful, c/o Memiah, Building 3,
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50 The truth about acupuncture
Culture Email us at [email protected]
Our expert answers your questions
HAPPIFUL FAMILY
52 Things to do in April Helping you find the help you need.
70 Wellness weekender Counselling Directory, Life Coach Directory,
We discover what makes Bath the 74 Natasha Devon Hypnotherapy Directory, Nutritionist Resource,
ultimate wellbeing destination The activist and author on how to support Therapy Directory
young people through their exams
84 The sound effect
What can you expect from a session of 80 Made for men
gong therapy? We went to find out The book asking men to put wellbeing first
Expert Panel
Meet the team of experts who have come together to deliver
One undeniable truth is that
information, guidance, and insight throughout this issue
finding the right help for each
individual is a journey – what
works for one of us will be
different for someone else. But SHAKAILA FORBES-BELL SOPHIE ROBINSON-MATTHEWS
don't feel disheartened if you BSc MA BSc (hons) MSc MBACP

haven't found your path yet. Shakaila is a fashion Sophie is an integrative

Our Happiful family can help psychologist and founder of psychotherapist and
you on your way. Bringing fashionispsychology.com counsellor.
together various arms of
support, each of our sister
sites focuses on a different
method of nourishing your KAREN ALEXANDER SONAL SHAH
wellbeing – from counselling, MSc NTDip CNM BSc (hons)

to hypnotherapy, nutrition, Karen is a nutritional Sonal is a nutritional

coaching, and therapy. therapist with an interest therapist, health tutor, and
in digestive health. director of Synergy Nutrition.

Rav's review NICOLA VANLINT

PG Dip Adv Dip MBACP (Accred)
GRAEME ORR
MBACP (Accred) BACP Reg Ind

Bringing our true self to Nicola is a psychotherapist Graeme is a counsellor

the world can be a scary and performance coach working with both
based in London. individuals and couples.
thing to do, however, if
we are able to do so the
benefits can be endless.
In this month’s issue, HELEN SNAPE ILSE PASSET
there are a number of BSc B.Comm
empowering articles that
Helen is a qualified Ilse is a transformational
enable you to connect with coach and life purpose
coach, mediator
the self, and support with and mentor. expert.
bringing it to the world
positively. The guidance
on page 36 is particularly
helpful, providing tips on GORDANA PETROVIĆ TIINA MOKVIST
MA BScTCM MAcS BA (Hons)
how to nurture self-belief.
Although it may not always Gordana is a TCM Tiina is a transformational
Acupuncture practitioner and coach and creator of Own
be present, self-belief can director of Acumedicare72. Kind of Wonderful.
be very powerful, and is
the key to achieving your
personal desires.
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BA MA MBACP (Accred) Memiah Limited. The opinions, views and values expressed in Happiful are those of the authors of that content and do not
Rav is a counsellor necessarily represent our opinions, views or values. Nothing in the magazine constitutes advice on which you should rely. It is
provided for general information purposes only. We work hard to achieve the highest possible editorial standards, however
and psychotherapist
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We follow the Mental Health
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PRIDE OF PLACE
FIND A LIFE COACH NEAR YOU We have a responsibility to
p35 Search for qualified life coaches in your area, and browse free articles elevate LGBTQ+ people in
and fact sheets at lifecoach-directory.org.uk our content. That's why we
set ediotiral standards
for images, contributors,
RESOURCES FOR THOSE AFFECTED BY SUICIDE and experts.
p47 Find toolkits, guides, and a directory of local support groups by
visiting the National Suicide Prevention Alliance at nspa.org.uk
TAKING CARE OF OUR OWN
As a Time to Change
CONNECT WITH OTHERS LIVING WITH DEPRESSION employer, we have a series
p54 Join Depression UK's pen-friend scheme, and learn more of strategies in place
about living with depression at depressionuk.org
to take care of our
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as well as resources for schools, at youngminds.org.uk please visit happiful.com
The Uplift ART

Exhibition
explores
life-changing
epilepsy research
Epilepsy affects one in 100 people, and
yet the condition is still shrouded in
misconceptions. But now artist Susan
Aldworth is putting it in the spotlight
with her exhibition, ‘Out of the Blue’.
Susan had members of the Royal
School of Needlework embroider
more than 100 pieces of Victorian
underwear with individual accounts
of life with epilepsy. The garments
– including nightdresses, bloomers,
chemises – are suspended from the
ceiling of Newcastle University’s
Hatton Gallery on computer-
controlled pulleys that move to mimic
the algorithms of electrical activity in
an epileptic brain.
Commissioned by the Institute of
Neuroscience at Newcastle University,
‘Out of the Blue’ explores scientists’
work developing techniques that
use light and genetic engineering to
control the activity of neurons in the
brain – something that will bring hope
to many living with epilepsy.
“I wanted to make an artwork which
would bear witness to the experience
of those who live with epilepsy.
Everyone’s epilepsy is different, and it
was important to bring this out,” Susan
tells Happiful.
A great move for visibility, Susan’s
work is putting an often-neglected
topic at the forefront of our minds.
‘Out of the Blue’, Hatton Gallery,
Newcastle upon Tyne, until 9 May 2020.
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler
LGBTQ+

Diary discovery
rewrites gay
history
Allyship and gay history have taken
the spotlight, thanks to a newly-
discovered diary.
The 1810 diary of Yorkshire
farmer Matthew Tomlinson has
revealed open-minded views on
same-sex attraction as a “natural”
tendency. Challenging previous
notions about what everyday
people in the past thought of
homosexuality, Tomlinson’s diary
shows that there was a debate
about whether people really should
WELLBEING have been discriminated against
for their sexuality.
Dementia charity nurtures a Stored in the Wakefield Library

connection with nature

since the 1950s, Matthew’s writing
was prompted by a scandal that
resulted in a naval surgeon being
Enjoying the great outdoors is message about being outdoors to ordered to be hanged for engaging
a wonderful way to boost our more people,” says project leader in homosexual acts. Arguing from
wellbeing and, for the 850,000 Paula Nelson. a religious perspective, the diary’s
people currently living with By training individuals from author wrote that any “inclination”
dementia in the UK, it can even organisations nationwide, towards homosexuality “must then
help reduce symptoms. Dementia Adventure is helping be considered as natural”, and
After winning National Lottery people deliver more outdoor punishing anyone for how they
funding in 2017, the charity activities, adventures, and even were created would be on par with
Dementia Adventure has provided holidays for those with dementia – saying there was something wrong
more than 500 outdoor activities and their carers – as an alternative with God.
around the UK for people with to respite. In a time where we are just as
dementia. The aim is to challenge One participant at a UK centre likely to read words of vitriol as
stereotypes of what people living commented: “You can walk around we are to see messages of hope
with dementia can achieve, while the forest and it’s just open space, and support filling social media
encouraging them to get active, it’s wonderful, very uplifting.” and news headlines, it’s good to
outdoors, and socialise. Sometimes, joy and comfort are be reminded that questioning the
“It’s been brilliant, a real privilege to be found by enjoying the simple status quo can have a bigger – and
to be part of a journey and part things in life, no matter your longer-lasting – impact than we
of Dementia Adventure making a diagnosis. may realise.
difference to people, and to get the Writing | Kat Nicholls Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford

April 2020 • happiful.com • 9

“
The future belongs to
those who believe in the
beauty of their dreams
– ELEANOR ROOSEVELT
SLEEP

Lucid dreaming
classes put
stress to bed
Forget VR, lucid dreaming is the
original way to immerse yourself
in an alternative reality, and now a
Norwich-based hypnotherapist is
teaching locals how to harness the
power of dreams to tackle anxiety.
Defined as a dream experienced
when the sleeper can control the
dream, Leah Larwood, from The
Moon Lab, identified the ways that
this phenomenon can support
everything from our health to our
relationships.
For Leah, lucid dreams are a way
to work through scenarios in a
safe, controlled way. But she’s also
using her classes to bring solace to
new parents in sessions that teach
them how to use night-wakes as an
opportunity to lucid dream.
With 10 years of experience under
her pillow, Leah knows first-hand
the benefits of this technique. And
the science concurs, when a study
– published in Dreaming Journal –
that taught participants how to lucid
dream found that they reported
decreased stress and higher life
satisfaction.
So, whether you’re pondering your
next career move, or looking to
explore your imagination, it turns
out that better wellness could literally
be the stuff of dreams.
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

April 2020 • happiful.com • 11

Take 5
Give yourself a few moments to relax and unwind, being present in
the moment as you focus on this month’s brain-teasing challenges

Word pyramid
Complete the pyramid by solving the clues below, filling in each
row with one letter per box. The trick is that each row uses all
the same letters as the row before it, plus one new letter – but
the order can change. Time to test your vocabulary!
Clues:
1 Breakfast drink
2 Sofa
3 Fairy stories
4 Pale colours
5 Bound documents
6 To put someone you admire on

4 7 1 2

8 2 7 4 6 3

How did you 8 5

do? Search
'freebies' at
4 8 2
shop.happiful.com
to find the answers,
and more! 2 9 5 1

1 6 8 9

3 8 9 4

Sudoku 4 1 5 9
Fill the grid so that each
column, row, and 3x3 subgrid, 7 2 8
contains the digits from 1 to 9.
The
wellbeing
wrap Hit the hay
Going up Power naps of 30 minutes
Get shedded! Good news for those sat Walk or less have been proven to
at desks all day. A US
A community project in
company has designed
this increase focus, productivity,
Ireland is giving older
a revolutionary new way and creativity. And now, new
men a safe space to get chair for people who There’s research suggests short
together and access like to sit cross-legged. real power
Diversity FTW!
professional physical
naps could make us
Tesco is now Inspired by yogis, the in exploring
stocking plasters training. Exercise for happier, too!
seat helps to align the great
in a range of Shedders helps to tackle the spine for a more outdoors, and
skintones isolation, and improves comfortable and flexible
one way to get in tune with nature
general wellness. working situation.
can be with a great soundtrack to
your stroll. According to research
LIKE TO MOVE IT, MOVE IT? from the Daffodil Hotel, who
Whether you’re a one-two step, or reviewed more than 25,000
White rhino calf dance-off champion, the way you move
born in Dublin songs, the world’s favourite hiking
Zoo - only
is apparently as unique as a fingerprint. tunes include ‘Ophelia’ by the
18,000 in the A recent study developed a computer that Lumineers, ‘Riptide’ by Vance Joy,
wild can recognise people based on their moves, and ‘Old Pine’ by Ben Howard.
regardless of music genre. But there was one Hopefully a good beat can
type of music the algo-rhythm was head- help you to find your own
banging against the wall with - heavy metal. walking rhythm.

FEELING FRISKY?
Get physical - How many times a week does the average couple
couples who Share the love
exercise together get it on? A survey from YouGov actually has the We all know what a huge
are happier answer – and it might not be what you’d expect. difference the hardworking
While every couple is different, the results revealed people of the NHS make
that 11% of respondents had sex once a week, 7% to our lives – and now a
twice, and 9% had sex at least three times project from artist Andy Leek
a week. It also found that couples in is looking to make sure they
their late 20s were the most likely to
Icons | shutterstock.com, Font Awesome: fontawesome.com

know how valued they truly

get intimate on a weekly basis. are. With his ‘Notes to the NHS’
What the cluck? project, Andy has put more
KFC and Crocs: IT MAY BE KNOWN #BEKIND than 600 motivational posters
the collab no FOR HAVING A In the wake of the tragic in staff rooms and common
one asked for...
GLASS AND A HALF news of Caroline Flack’s areas across the country, with
FULL OF MILK, BUT death in February, some messages such as “You make
NOW CADBURY positive actions have been an impact,” “You make the rest
HAS ANNOUNCED seen. #BeKind has been of us feel safer,” and “The work
trending on social media, you do goes further than you
PLANS TO LAUNCH A
inspired by Caroline’s own can ever imagine.” Remember,
Universal VEGAN VERSION OF
words, and bookshops you can also spread the
credit changes ITS ICONIC DAIRY
linked to rise in have been giving away message by showing some
psychological
MILK BAR. A LAUNCH copies of Matt Haig’s gratitude. A simple thank you
distress DATE HASN’T BEEN book, Reasons to Stay goes a long way, and can
ANNOUNCED, BUT Alive, after people offered really make someone’s day.
WATCH THIS SPACE. to ‘pay it forward’.
Going down
What is
stimming?
Do you ever find yourself tapping, or clicking your pen, without realising it? Perhaps
you twirl your hair when you’re feeling nervous? If so, you could be stimming

Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford Illustrating | Rosan Magar

E
veryone remembers
fidget spinners. For a
brief period between
2017 and 2018, it seemed
like everyone had one. While most
of us saw them as a bit of fun (or
a potential playground hazard at
worst), many people didn’t realise
the impact fidget spinners could
have for those with anxiety, ADHD,
or who are on the autistic spectrum.
While the clamour for fidget
spinners may have been and gone,
for many of us, other items have
taken their place. Whether you’ve
ever had a stress ball, or have given
in to the current trend for squishies,
chances are, you’ve tried at least one
stimming-related toy.
I rarely go anywhere without my
own fidget cube – a small cube
with buttons, switches, dials, and a
joystick. In meetings, it helps me to
focus and release nervous tension;
in crowded places, it gives me
something to focus on to feel less
anxious. But is stimming – short for
‘self-stimulatory behaviour’ – really
healthy, and why do we do it?

14 • happiful.com • April 2020

WHAT IS STIMMING? feel frustrated or overwhelmed,
Stimming refers to a stimming can act as an outlet for DO YOU STIM?
repetitive action or the tension or unsettled feelings Common, everyday stimming you
movement, typically you may be unable to otherwise may not even realise you do can
displayed by those on the express. include:
• biting your nails
autistic spectrum. Common stims
• tapping your pencil
can include spinning or fidgeting IS STIMMING BAD?
• clicking your pen
with objects, pacing, repeating Typically? No. Stimming doesn’t • whistling
noises or words, or hand-flapping. have to be something that needs • playing with your hair
While some people who are to be stopped or stifled. It’s only • drumming your fingers or feet
on the spectrum may more if it starts to interfere with your
overtly stim, we all stim in one day-to-day life, or if it is seriously
way or another. We may call or impacting those around you, that
think of it as something else, it could be worth seeing if there is Stimming
such as a nervous tick, or refer
to it as a ‘bad habit’ we fall back
anything you can do about it.
If you have developed a stim that can help reduce
on when experiencing certain
emotions like anxiety, or stressful
is causing you to hurt yourself, or
is unintentionally harming you (or
feelings of anxiety,
situations. It’s only when that others), such as repeated rubbing frustration, or
being overwhelmed
stimming may get out of control or scratching at your skin, or
that we might notice it. biting your nails until they bleed, it
Cognitive research suggests that could be worth seeking help. With
how much we fidget is linked with support, you can reduce or stop it because you are feeling nervous,
how stimulated we feel. It can harmful stimming, or refocus your anxious, or perhaps bored? In
help both to calm us, and energise actions to more harmless, many ways, stimming is a form of
us, as needed. self-soothing stims. communication. Trying to figure
out what you are feeling or doing
WHY DO WE DO IT? SHOULD I TRY TO STOP? to cause this unexpected way of
The different reasons why we Unless stimming has caused you a communicating, can help you to
stim can be as varied as the types social or physical problem, there feel more in control.
of stimming we do. You might shouldn’t be a need to try to stop. If
stim to relieve some tension in doubt, ask yourself: CAN STIMMING BE A
because you’re nervous, when • Is stimming disruptive at work? GOOD THING?
you’re bored, or when you’re • Does stimming cause problems If you struggle with anxiety, are
having trouble concentrating. It for me, or those around me? on the spectrum, or experience
can become a harmless habit that • Are my stims dangerous or sensory overload, stimming
you may not even be aware that destructive? can help you to feel calmer, as it
you’re doing. offers an outlet as well as a focal
Stimming can also be a way to If you’re worried about your point. Next time you find yourself
reduce feelings of anxiety, and stimming, there are some simple clicking, tapping, or twirling, it
to feel calmer. If you are trying things you can try to help manage could be worth taking a moment to
to deal with an unexpected it. However, it’s important to try to step back and ask yourself: how am
change or situation, are stressed, figure out why you are stimming: is I feeling right now?

April 2020 • happiful.com • 15

Cool
to be kind
Social media has become ingrained in modern culture
– Gen Z probably can’t remember a time without it. But
it is more and more evident how vital it is to consider
our online actions, take responsibility, and ensure
digital spaces are positive and inclusive.

Strictly star and YouTube phenomen Saffron Barker

embodies all these things. With more than five million
following her platforms, being a strong role model for
her audience is a responsibility she doesn’t take lightly.

In this exclusive chat, Saffron opens up about trolling,

being authentic, and the power of believing in yourself
Interview | Gemma Calvert Photography | Brian Doherty

I
t’s rush hour in west London, Saffron has spent the day on a
and rain pelts down. But as top-secret brand campaign shoot,
I scurry out of the Tube, it’s and seems older than her 19 years.
not home that awaits, but Oozing warmth, it’s little wonder
actual sunshine. My destination is she captured the attention of Strictly
a meeting with Saffron Barker, the Come Dancing bosses, who signed
vlogging superstar whose lifestyle, her for last year’s series to compete
family-focused, and quirky- alongside pro-dancer AJ Pritchard.
challenge content has amassed It was a savvy career move. Before
a social media following of more embracing sequins and sparkles,
than five million. Saffron was known primarily by
More than 3.3 million subscribe 16 to 24-year-olds who watch her
to her two YouTube channels, and online, but after surviving until
she has 1.2 million followers on week 10, and subsequently starring
Instagram alone – jaw-dropping in the Strictly Live tour, she’s
numbers when you consider that sashayed into mainstream media
just four years ago, Saffron was a consciousness.
school girl from Brighton, who – on “Even grandmas now stop me in
a whim – abandoned college plans the street, which is so cute, I can’t
in favour of uploading videos. even deal with it!” giggles Saffron.
When we meet in the dressing Saffron’s parents Wendy, 46,
room of a photography studio, and Darren, 49, were extremely >>>
“When I commit to something, I a family-friendly YouTuber (she
A problem shared put 110% into it,” she says.
Some believe the pressure of
never swears or drinks alcohol in
her videos) and feeling the pressure
is a problem disposability, the mood among to say and do everything right – an

halved, and the video creators that younger, fresher

talent is always waiting in the
impossible task, she concedes.
“Everyone has an opinion, and
online community wings, is contributing to a growing not everyone’s going to agree with

helps you feel less

mental health crisis as YouTubers what you do or say, but I’ve always
are unable to press the off-switch. known I have to be careful, because
isolated “The biggest pressure is constantly
having to produce content, because
there will be people who take things
a different way, and I never want to
of the fear that if you stop, people offend anybody.”
supportive of their daughter’s will find another person to watch,” As her channel grew, Saffron
hunger to build a YouTube career at agrees Saffron. “But I wouldn’t say experienced more and more
the age of 15, following in the digital I’ve ever had a burnout. negativity, from comments on her
footsteps of the Sugg siblings – Zoe, “After 18 months, I stopped daily content or about her appearance,
aka Zoella, and fellow Strictly star Joe vlogging, because I was sharing and it reached a boiling point.
– with whom she was “obsessed”. too much. I once told my vlog that “I’m normally bubbly and positive,
For Saffron, what began with my dog was going to the vet’s then and it takes a lot to rattle me, but I
a recording of a family holiday, someone came up to me and asked, started to feel really upset and less
filmed on her mum’s iPhone using ‘How’s Bella?’ I realised I’d told confident,” Saffron says. “I also
a selfie-stick, quickly expanded them everything about my life, and found myself dwelling on the bad
into vlogging about her academic suddenly thought ‘Maybe I should comments.
struggles as a dyslexic, puberty keep more of a balance with what I “Talking to my family really
woes, and her relationships. Her share online.’” helped, especially my mum. She
ability to inspire empathy, and the Saffron, who hit one million made me remember why I was
immediateness of the content, is a followers in July 2017, says her vlogging – because it was my true
fundamental reason why Saffron fans love any content featuring her passion – and helped me see that
has become so famous, so fast. family members: mum Wendy, I can’t control the comments,
“I’ve always wanted to be open and brother Casey, 24, younger brother only how I feel inside. Something
honest on my channel; my fans have Jed, 18, and her adorable two- switched in me, and I gained a new
seen my funny videos, but also the year-old niece Harlow. Her tribe of perspective.
days where I’m not feeling so great. supporters also yearn for “anything “I’m only human so I can’t say it
A problem shared is a problem personal”. So would the girl who never affects me. You could look at
halved, and the online community was “very much single” during a thousand positive comments, but
helps you realise that others may her Strictly journey, and who today that one negative is always going
be feeling the same way, which if remains “very much more single”, to stick out. Luckily the positive
you’re struggling, helps you feel less expect a future boyfriend to feature completely outweighs the negative.”
isolated.” in her content? Her ability to be rational about
After a year of vlogging, Saffron “Not at all,” she insists. “They’d comments is, ultimately, her secret
had amassed 100,000 followers, be able to have anonymity if they weapon to maintaining emotional
was earning a “part-time job level” wanted it. It’s completely up to balance. She also detaches through
income from advertising, and them, but I’d never push somebody gym sessions, Muay Thai boxing,
realised YouTube could be her to be on social media.” and hanging out with her friends.
career, so opted out of further For Saffron, in addition to Saffron, who films content daily,
education and committed to “probably once a month feeling and spends three full days a week
building her brand. For 18 months the fear of ‘I’ve no idea what to editing, flashes a look of apology
she vlogged daily. film’”, another challenge is being when admitting that social media >>>

18 • happiful.com • April 2020

Suit | Ben Sherman, T-shirt | Reserved, Trainers | Lacoste

>>>

February 2020 • happiful.com • 19

detoxes never feature in her And on the subject of love herself, and never live with any
schedule. responsibility, I recall a photo on regrets. That’s something I’ve always
“But I have a good balance. I’m not Saffron’s website of her hugging a stuck by.”
obsessed with my phone,” she says. fan, who’s wearing a T-shirt from For someone who spends her life
“I went to Barbados in December Saffron’s collection that says: giving a voice to teens, authenticity
and took a break from posting ‘Believe In Yourself’. is Saffron’s do or die. Her team are
content. A lot of the time social “That’s my absolute favourite bombarded by brands offering
media is portrayed as a negative quote,” smiles Saffron, explaining advertising deals, but only those
thing, but I see it as positive, too. its origin lies with her mum – her she actually loves, including
It’s a great way to meet new people, “best friend in the whole world”, McDonald’s, Beauty Bay, and
and to communicate with my the co-host on her new podcast Primark, get a look-in.
friends around the world.” which launches this summer, and a She’s evidently sure of herself,
She’s one of the lucky ones. woman whose faith in her daughter but I wonder when she feels most
According to a survey conducted by has never faltered. vulnerable?
children’s charity Plan International “I think that’s probably why I’ve It’s surprising when Saffron turns
UK, almost half of all girls, and 40% got to where I am, because I’ve to her publicist for guidance. She’s
of boys, in the UK have experienced always believed in myself. If you apparently “indecisive” and “needs
some form of harassment or abuse believe in yourself, it shows – and reassurance”. Really?
on social media – statistics Saffron your confidence shines.” “Yes!” smiles Saffron. “I always
describes as “sad and shocking”. have my own mind made up, but I
Her advice for youngsters
experiencing online bullying is
I hope she learns also need reassurance about those
decisions. Even when answering
simple: “It’s hugely important to to love herself, this question! I know my answer,
talk about it,” she says. “Tell your and never live with but I need them to tell me it’s OK to

any regrets. That’s

best friend, tell your parents, tell a say it. A lot of people think I’m more
teacher at school – the chances are confident than I am, and maybe I
they can either help you feel better, something I’ve cover it up.”
or even help stop the negativity.”
Since the tragic death of TV
always stuck by One place you’d never have known
Saffron lacked confidence was on
presenter Caroline Flack, who took the Strictly dancefloor, which had a
her own life in February 2020, the Saffron feels a responsibility big impact on her, from the ongoing
goverment has called for social to her young followers, and by closeness she shares with AJ, the
media firms to better regulate promoting such progressive “terror” she felt being a dance novice
content to combat online bullying. thinking, she’s adored in equal part at the start, and her tears when in the
Does Saffron agree that more needs by her fans’ parents. bottom two.
to be done to protect users from “When they say ‘you’ve changed “It’s like a feeling of loss,” she
online abuse? my daughter’s life’, that’s the explains. “Strictly is your entire life.
“I always think more can be done, best thing in the world,” says It’s all I did every single day for four
and I’m here to help, and I’m open Saffron. “When I see messages, it’s months. It meant so much to me.
to ideas and ways I can make things rewarding, but when I actually get Then it’s gone. It’s so sad when
better,” she says. “I’ve personally somebody saying that to me, it’s it’s over.
seen both sides of social media – amazing.” “I’m hard on myself,” she confesses.
the overwhelming positives, and Saffron takes great pride and “I should probably think, ‘Saff, you
the fact it’s given me life-changing care in being a positive female role did a really good job’ and celebrate
opportunities. I’ve also received model, sharing what she hopes to the moment more, but I always just
negative comments, and know how teach her toddler niece, Harlow. think ‘That’s done now, what’s next?’”
dangerous comments can be. Social “I hope she learns to believe in She’s indisputably a doer, with goals
media can be an amazing, powerful herself, and be who she wants to and an insatiable hunger for more.
tool if used responsibly.” be. I hope she learns over time to So, what next indeed?

20 • happiful.com • April 2020

Over the next two months
Saffron plans to buy her own place
in London, and, longer-term, she
has ambitions to try presenting,
and appear on the West End stage.
But family is her number
one focus, which is why she’s
passionate about raising awareness
of dementia, the illness that
afflicted her great-grandad, and
inspired her to run last year’s
London Marathon in aid of
Dementia Revolution.
“My great-grandad’s decline
affected my family so much,
because they spent so many years
creating memories with him, only
for them to be lost.
“I was nine when he died, but I
still remember the effect on my
dad. Dementia is so cruel. It steals
the person before they’re gone,
so the families essentially grieve
before that person passes away.
My family want to do as much as
possible to raise awareness, so it’s
great we’ve got a public platform to
do that.”
And her family members have
proved to be her biggest supporters
as well. Her beloved nan, Ivy,
hadn’t a clue about social media
before Saffron joined YouTube, but
is now tech-savvy and has her own
Instagram account to follow her
granddaughter.
“I don’t take any of this for
granted, and I know I’m lucky, but
I also know I’ve worked hard to get
where I am,” says Saffron. “I hope
I continue this way, because I can’t
stop now. I’m having too much
fun!”

Subscribe to Saffron’s channel

youtube.com/saffronbarker, and
follow her @saffronbarker on
Instagram and TikTok.
THE MISSING LINK
For some, simply getting on a bus or train can be the ultimate
challenge, with anxiety and stress leaving them feeling trapped and
isolated. But there are strategies and initiatives out there to help ease
the trauma of a journey for troubled travellers
Writing | Katie Conibear

I
solation and mental
health conditions often
go hand in hand, but
something not spoken
about as much are the
obstacles to those struggling to
use public transport. Many people
with mental health conditions rely
on public transport, but find the
whole process challenging. From
planning a journey or dealing with
overcrowding, to rushing for a
connection and finding a seat, it can
be incredibly stressful.
A lack of support, and the
accessibility of public transport,
seem to be the two main areas that
need to be improved. There are,
however, many obstacles to people
with mental health conditions
accessing public transport. We’ve
all been in the scenario of rushing
for a bus, just catching it, and then
fumbling in our bag, purse or pocket
for the right change. We can feel the
eyes of other passengers watching
us, and the impatience of the driver.
When you have a mental health
condition, it can be difficult to just SIGNS TO LOOK OUT FOR:
shrug off experiences like this, • Rapid breathing or
and they can discourage you from hyperventilating
travelling again. • Sweating
Accessibility problems also • Shaking
include not being able to find a seat, • Crying or visible distress
or not having the confidence to buy
a ticket on a complicated machine.

22 • happiful.com • April 2020

HOW YOU CAN HELP OTHERS:
• Offer your seat, or ask someone to
stand on their behalf.
Not having access to a car, and feeling • Reassure them. Stay calm and
speak in positive terms: “It will pass
unable to use public transport, can leave soon”, “We’re nearly at the station.”

people trapped in their own homes • Offer them water. Mental health
conditions often have physical
symptoms such as nausea,
headaches, and dizziness.
• Encourage them to breathe
slowly. They should try to breathe
in through their nose, and out
The stress of missing your train or of their community, or travel to see
through their mouth. Show them
bus, or a further connection, puts family or friends.
how, and use the technique
many people off. Often, it’s feelings Transport is a vital link to the
alongside them.
of a lack of control that raises outside world. But for many, that
• Give them space if needed, and try
anxiety levels. Why has the Tube link is missing.
to find a quieter carriage for them.
stopped between stations? Why But it’s not all doom and gloom.
• Accompany them off the bus/
have we suddenly speeded up? The Transport for London has a number
train/Tube if you’re able to.
big issue for many is overcrowding, of initiatives to help. For people
Always seek medical help if their
as crowds, and feeling trapped with claustrophobia and anxiety,
symptoms worsen.
in confined spaces, are common it launched a map showing which
triggers for people who live with sections are underground, or have
anxiety or who experience panic long stretches of tunnels. Try to avoid travelling around
attacks. The ‘Please Offer Me A Seat’ badge rush hour, or particularly busy
For those with severe mental was introduced to help disabled times. Check to see if there is a
health difficulties, there are also people, and those with hidden sporting event or concert near
barriers to driving. With bipolar conditions and injuries, find a seat your destination, and remember
disorder, psychosis, schizoaffective on public transport more easily. that meditation and mindfulness
disorder, or schizophrenia, you Transport for Wales has introduced can help – there are a number of
have to inform the DVLA (Driver the Orange Wallet scheme, designed meditation apps available that you
and Vehicle Licensing Agency) to help people on the autistic can listen to while travelling.
about your mental health condition. spectrum communicate with staff. More still needs to be done to
If a doctor decides your illness is Virgin Trains offer Just A Minute help people with mental health
hampering your ability to drive, you cards, that allow people to alert staff conditions access public transport,
may have to surrender your license. that they have an invisible disability. such as training for staff in mental
Not having access to a car, and There are also things you can do health awareness, or having a
feeling unable to use public to manage the stress of travelling. mental first aider at stations and
transport, can leave people trapped Planning a journey in advance, transport terminals. Hidden
in their own homes, and the impact checking for delays or closures illnesses also have obstacles, and
is profound on someone who the evening before, and on the people need assistance that is
lives with, or is recovering from, morning you’re travelling, will ease appropriate and empathetic.
a mental health condition. Your anxieties. Allow plenty of time for
world can feel like it’s shrunk. It your journey, to manage unexpected Katie Conibear is a freelance writer,
can lead to loneliness and a loss of delays. Have a backup plan; is focusing on mental health. She blogs
self-worth, as people may feel they there another route you could take? at stumblingmind.com and has a
can’t access opportunities, doctor’s Perhaps ask a close friend or a podcast, ‘A Life Lived Vividly’, with a
appointments or therapy, be part family member to travel with you. focus on hearing voices.

April 2020 • happiful.com • 23

6 ways you can challenge
the public perception of disability
The way we treat disabled people within society needs to be transformed – and
there are simple changes we all can make to help that important process...
Writing | Anna Gaunt Illustrating | Rosan Magar

A
government survey into Assumptions that make us less
the public perceptions likely to interact with people can
of disabled people prevent us from finding out their
found that most of stories – stories that can interest
those questioned us, educate us, and inspire us.
perceived people with disabilities as Getting to know people with
less capable than the non-disabled. disabilities as individuals can
Research by Activity Alliance also help us to rid ourselves of these
found that less than half of people assumptions.
say that they know somebody with
a disability, despite one in five of us 2 BE INCLUSIVE OF PEOPLE
being disabled in some way. WITH DISABILITIES IN SPORTS
It’s vital that we challenge the AND ACTIVITIES
public perception of disability, Including people with
not only to benefit people with disabilities in sports and
disabilities by allowing them to activities can help to
live more fulfilled lives, but to also
benefit all of us by creating a more
open and fair society. And the good
news is there are many, simple
ways we can start to challenge and

03
improve the public perception of

17
disability today.

1 GET TO KNOW PEOPLE WITH

DISABILITIES AS INDIVIDUALS
People are different. People with
disabilities are different. People
have unique likes, dislikes,
opinions, and ambitions, and
people with disabilities are
no exception. Although it’s
great to educate yourself on
various conditions, it’s even
better to get to know people
with disabilities as individuals.

24 • happiful.com • April 2020

challenge the public perception 3 HELP TO CREATE AN INCLUSIVE Film: The Secret Garden
that people with disabilities are WORKING ENVIRONMENT A classic children’s book published
less capable. There is evidence It’s the government’s aim to get in 1911, The Secret Garden has been
to suggest that the majority of a million more disabled people recreated on screen many times.
people with disabilities want to into work. To fully achieve and The story follows Colin, who uses
take part in sports and activities maintain this we need to be a wheelchair and is unable to leave
with mixed abilities. Most people more inclusive of people with the house due to a psychological
without disabilities also recognise disabilities. You can help to create disability, but finds respite in the
that inclusive sports and activities this by interacting and connecting magical Secret Garden. The latest
would help them to feel more with your colleagues. Listen to remake, starring Colin Firth and
comfortable around people with them, empathise with them, Julie Walters, is due for release in
disabilities. Let people know that and treat them with respect and 2020, so there’s time to get excited.
your local netball team or craft understanding. Creating a more
group is for everyone. Make the inclusive working environment Podcast: ‘BBC Ouch’
effort to ensure the first experience can help to keep people with Hosted by journalists with
of a sport or activity is a positive disabilities in employment, and disabilities, ‘BBC Ouch’ is a
one, by making disabled people seeing people with disabilities podcast that covers topics from
feel welcome, so that they are more working in our schools, accessibility to politics to the arts –
likely to return. More inclusivity supermarkets, and hospitals it’s both relevant and entertaining.
in sports and activities can help to will help to challenge the public
eradicate the segmented society of perception of disability. 5 OBSERVE BEFORE ASSUMING
‘us’ and ‘them’. PEOPLE WITH DISABILITIES
4 BROADEN THE VARIETY OF NEED ASSISTANCE
MEDIA THAT YOU CONSUME Assuming people with disabilities
It’s so important for us all to see need help with the simplest of
representations of ourselves in tasks is a form of discrimination,
the media, as seeing ourselves in called ableism. People often
films and books helps us to identify assume that those with disabilities
with others. We see that our bodies must have carers and can’t work
are capable of our dreams and or drive, but this isn’t always the
ambitions, as other people have case. Wanting to help someone
done it, too! There is a need for you think might be struggling is a
greater representation of people natural instinct, but instead you
with disabilities in the media, could first ask: “Would you like
but there are some great reads, any help with that?” And don’t be
watches, and listens already out offended if the person says no.
there that help to challenge the Respecting the independence of
public perception of disability: people with disabilities can help to
challenge public perception.
Book: ‘Go Your Crohn Way’ by
Kathleen Nicholls 6 DON’T JUDGE BY APPEARANCE
Kathleen writes about the Not every disability is visible. You
highs and lows of life with never know what somebody else is
the long-term health going through. Be kind, always!
condition – Crohn’s
disease – with both Anna is a freelance writer specialising
compassion and hilarity. in health and wellbeing, and a
Read it for the puns! disability activist.

April 2020 • happiful.com • 25

“
Joy blooms where minds
and hearts are open
– JONATHAN LOCKWOOD HUIE

Photography | Anthony Tran

Sleep sounder tonight
Getting a good night’s
rest shouldn’t be so
stressful. If counting sheep
isn’t doing it for you, try
these five simple ways to
have a more restful night
Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford

1 WEIGHTED BLANKETS
If you find yourself tossing and
turning most nights, a weighted
blanket may be able to help. Users
have reported feeling an increased
sense of calm, and a reduction
in stress and anxiety. Providing
a comforting feeling of pressure,
without feeling restrictive or 3 THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX on caffeine-rich foods, such as
smothering, weighted blankets Taking a more holistic approach chocolate and ice cream, before
can create a sense of safety and can have lasting benefits. If you bed. Having leafy green vegetables
relaxation. struggle to sleep thanks to anxiety, for dinner can help to boost your
stress, or unhealthy habits, magnesium levels, while avoiding
2 OPTIMISE YOUR hypnotherapy may help. As well as too much sugar in the evenings
ENVIRONMENT helping you enter a deeply relaxing could keep your blood sugar more
Where you sleep can have a state, hypnotherapy taps into balanced, avoiding spikes that lead
surprising impact on how well you your subconscious, allowing for to feeling wide awake.
sleep. Phones, TV, laptops and positive suggestions to change bad
tablets are not only distractions, sleep habits, and can help reduce 5 SET THE SCENE
but the blue light emitted can feelings of anxiety around sleep. Give yourself time to ‘get in
delay the release of sleep-inducing But if hypnotherapy isn’t for you, the mood’ for a good night’s
melatonin, leaving you more alert even meditating before bed can sleep. Switch up your schedule
and less likely to fall asleep. help to decrease stress, anxiety and – research suggests taking a hot
Make your bedroom a source of tension, while promoting calm and soak around 90 minutes before
serenity; according to the Sleep relaxation. bed could help you fall asleep
Council, setting the temperature more quickly, as this can help
to a cool 16–18°C is ideal. Swap out 4 PLAN AHEAD change your core temperature.
your bedside charger for an old- What – and when – you eat can Turn your time in the tub into a
fashioned alarm clock, and remove affect both your sleep quality chance to unwind with the help of
unnecessary tech. It may take some and quantity. Try to reduce your soothing music, or give meditation,
getting used to, but soon you’ll find caffeine intake by switching to mindfulness or wellbeing podcasts
yourself drifting off in no time. decaf tea and coffee, or cut back a try.
Unconventional
ways to heal…wit h Grace
Our columnist Grace Victory explores the alternative and more unusual
treatments the world of wellness has to offer – all it takes is an open mind

H
olistic therapies For the past five years, I’ve REIKI:
often add something been interested in how our A system of energy healing that looks
incredibly unique and ancestors did things, as well as to ease stress and illness through
valuable to a person’s Eastern remedies, rather than ensuring the life energy flowing
overall treatment. Yet, following modern conventions. through us isn’t disrupted or blocked.
sometimes they get a bad rep – if How did they help period pains?
most of what you know about What did they do when they I’ve had Reiki many times, and
them is the controversial Goop by had a headache? It’s also worth each experience has differed.
Gwyneth Paltrow, some hesitation mentioning that many alternative The relationship I have with the
would be understandable… The ways to heal that are shunned by practitioner affects the session, so
Goop site is wellness on speed, Western practitioners are usually there are some healers I’ve only
selling vibrator necklaces, singing from African and idigenous tribes seen once, and others I’ve gone
bowls, and turmeric blends. and lineages. We would be naive back to numerous times. Reiki
But then a few months ago, The to think that racism hasn’t also makes me feel like I’m floating,
Goop Lab launched on Netflix – affected our healthcare practices. but at the same time as if for
a six-part documentary-series As a child I was always taught the that one hour or so, I’m the most
focusing on pseudoscientific healing benefits of ginger. Sore present I’ve ever been. Afterwards
healing modalities. throat? Ginger. Feel sick? Ginger. I may feel energised and aligned,
It featured everything from ‘cold Can the benefits ever be truly or other times tired and sad – it all
therapy’ – using extremely low proven? Who knows, but my gut depends on what has shifted on a
temperatures to elevate a stressed often tells me to turn to that before soul level. I really recommend it!
nervous system – to experimenting paracetamol. My inquisitive nature,
with acupuncture. So, me being and midnight Google searches, REFLEXOLOGY:
me, I sat down, pressed play, and opened my mind to energy healing, Encourages healing across the whole
binge-watched the entire thing. and plant medicine, and they’ve body, by massaging areas of the feet,
I was pleasantly surprised by been a passion of mine ever since. hands, and ears.
how much I enjoyed it. It didn’t I knew early on in my healing
feel gimmicky or forced. It was journey that I wanted to delve right I first started having fortnightly
informative, insightful, and in and explore. So here are a few reflexology sessions in 2016, and
reminded me why I’ve often opted alternative healing practices that have continued on and off ever
for alternative ways to heal, rather I’ve tried over the years, and could since. I started going because my
than the general Western way. be worth exploring for you, too. feet were sore in the mornings, and

28 • happiful.com • April 2020

@GRACEFVICTORY

I view tarot
as a mirror,
and the cards
reflect my soul
introspectiveness that it brings
me – it reveals that so many of
the answers we seek, we already
know. Without awareness we can’t
develop, can we?

AYURVEDA BODYWORK:
Photography | JKG PHOTOGRAPHY

A traditional system of medicine,

native to India, that looks to connect
the mind, body, and spirit to restore
balance and encourage wellness.

Ayurveda bodywork, for me,

is the most holistic, relaxing,
and bespoke treatment. For a
few hours, it’s my space to be
emotionally held and physically
supported by a divine feminine
energy. For sexual trauma
survivors specifically, it’s important
to experience touch in a non-
sexual way, and Ayurveda gives
me that on such a profound level.
From body brushing, to rose
quartz crystal cranial massage,
it’s brilliant and a luxury I am so
grateful to have access to, because
after a Google search I discovered TAROT: it can be expensive!
that you can feel your emotions Using a set of tarot cards to learn
through your feet. This modality about the past, present, or future, by Alternative medicine isn’t for
was incredibly powerful for me. asking a question and interpreting the everyone. But it’s definitely worked
At times, it felt more relaxing than cards drawn. for me. I think it’s something that
a full body massage, and I felt should be explored more, and
safe with my healer, Rashieda. I view tarot as a mirror, and the readily available to us all.
After a few months my foot pain cards reflect my soul. It’s a really

Love
completely disappeared, and now interesting and beautiful way to
whenever I feel a slight ache, I connect to our lineage and spirit

Grace x
know I’m doing some deep trauma guides. It’s a practice that’s not
work and my feet need TLC. always understood, but I like the

April 2020 • happiful.com • 29

W H A T ’ S
Y O U R
S T Y L E ?
We’ve all felt the pressure to dress to impress, but
really, we should be dressing for ourselves. What
we wear, and the clothes we buy, can impact our
mood, and confidence – it’s time we told our own
narrative. What story you share is up to you...
Writing | Ellen Hoggard

I
’ve always had an interest in watching a TV series while nursing are truly you, well, it can really be
fashion and clothing. From a hangover. It’s not all glamour. life-changing.
playing with my dolls as a What I find so interesting, is how To gain better insight into how
child, going shopping for the an item of clothing, or a whole we can find our style and how
first time with friends, studying outfit, can change how you feel dressing can impact our psyche,
textiles at university to finally, about yourself. And, when you’re I spoke to Shakaila Forbes-Bell,
finding what I believe is ‘my holding your head higher, you founder and editor-in-chief of the
style’, fashion has stayed with me. appear brighter, and the people website Fashion is Psychology.
While I’m no longer interested in around you will likely notice
working in the fashion industry, your change in attitude, too. Not HI SHAKAILA! TELL US,
the power that our outfit choices because of what you’re wearing HOW CAN A PERSON
can have on our attitudes and (though a compliment never FIND 'THEIR STYLE'?
feelings completely fascinates me. hurts), but because you’re glowing The best route to discovering
When I walk into work wearing from the inside out. your personal style involves first
a great pair of jeans, a shirt, With so many trends, brands, acknowledging that your personal
boots, and a trench coat, I feel and now the added pressure of style is an extension of yourself.
like I have my life together. I hold shopping sustainably, not all of us Once you accept this, you need to
my head higher and find myself will have a reliable, sure-to-make- decide which version of yourself
making better decisions. I’m us-feel-incredible style. Trends you want to portray to the outside
assertive, confident, and firm. change, and while there’s nothing world.
Of course, I don’t always feel wrong with following them, the Research has found that we all
like this. Sometimes, I need to power you can feel when you have have a dynamic relationship with
be in my pyjamas all day, binge- a wardrobe filled with items that clothing that impacts the three

30 • happiful.com • April 2020

different ways we view ourselves:
the person you want to be, the
person you hope to be, and the
person you fear to be.
Think about the qualities that
make up the person you want
and hope to be, the things they
do and the places they visit. Do
you know anyone that embodies
these qualities and lives this
lifestyle? How do they dress? Take
inspiration from them.

WHAT ARE YOUR TIPS FOR

DRESSING TO FEEL STRONG
AND CONFIDENT?
Comfort is key.
When putting together your attire
in an effort to feel both strong
and confident, always make sure
that you consider your comfort
first. An easy way to do this is
by introducing soft shapes and
fabrics into your wardrobe. Studies
have shown that clothing comfort
affects cognitive performance.
Uncomfortable clothing is
associated with distraction
and increased cognitive load,
so anything that forces you to
lose your focus can topple your
confidence. >>>

‘An item of clothing, or a whole outfit,

can change how you feel about yourself’ April 2020 • happiful.com • 31
C O L O U R
P S Y C H O L O G Y

Great for: finding calm,

peace, inner strength
Avoid when: feeling lonely, sad

GREEN
YELLOW Great for: renewal,
Great for: focus, clarity of mind, growth, forgiveness
decision-making Avoid when: feeling
Avoid when: feeling particularly jealous or envious
anxious, or in an argumentative
mood
BLUE

Formal clothes allow you to depth. Wearing clothes that allow wear black, as individuals wearing
think differently. you to engage in such thought black clothing can have a greater
Taking a formal approach to practices is a sure-fire way to build influence on a group.
dressing confidently is also confidence.
advised. Research has found that AND WHAT ABOUT TRENDS?
wearing formal clothes makes Black clothes evoke authority. DO WE FOLLOW TRENDS
people think more broadly and Particularly in work environments, TO FEEL A PART OF
holistically, opening you up dark and black clothing is a great SOMETHING?
to new ideas and challenges. way to evoke a sense of power Following trends can definitely
Wearing formal attire also and authority. One study found make people feel like they are a
encourages people to use abstract that managers evaluate job part of something bigger than
processing more readily than applicants wearing black clothing themselves. For example, when
concrete thinking. Concrete as possessing more integrity describing the millennial it-bag
thinking refers to the thinking and greater moral reputation. by designer Telfar Clemens, the
on the surface, whereas abstract Managers or those in higher Business of Fashion wrote that
thinking is related to thinking in positions are also encouraged to the design resonated with “young

32 • happiful.com • April 2020

You need to decide
which version of
yourself you want
to portray to the
Great for: nurturing, gratitude
unconditional self-love outside world
Avoid when: feeling
emotionally vulnerable

ORANGE
Great for: feeling secure and
grounded, moving forward
Avoid when: overly stressed

RED
PINK Great for: feeling energised,
boosting mood, creative thinking
Avoid when: feeling angry,
anxious, or when you don’t
want to get noticed

consumers who are looking for about acknowledging that it’s an It’s certainly a case of trial and
something to belong to, not just extension of yourself and dressing error, but learning the tricks of
something to buy.” to fit that persona. So why not ask the trade is guaranteed to help you
Research has also shown that a friend to pick out some outfits understand the power of fashion,
wearing in-fashion clothing can for you? Not only is it a fun way to and discover what makes you feel
make people appear more sociable. spend time with each other, but like you can take on the world. So,
I believe that’s because a united they’ll likely choose something who are you and what is your style?
sense of style can make us feel like you’ve not considered before.
we’re a part of a moment in time. Inspiration can come from
anywhere, too. It may be that Shakaila Forbes-Bell is a fashion
Of course, we’re all different and you have a favourite film star or psychologist with a BSc in
one of the best ways to express musician, whose style you admire. Psychology from University
our individuality is through our Maybe it’s Freddie Mercury, Anne College London. She is the
clothing choices. But it’s not always Hathaway, or Michelle Obama. founder and editor-in-chief of
so easy to see ourselves that way. What aspects of their style can you fashionispsychology.com. Follow
As Shakaila says, personal style is take and adapt to suit your own? @fashionispsychology

April 2020 • happiful.com • 33

Alice Vincent | Giles Smith
I am. I have
THE HAPPIFUL PODCAST

LIAM HACKETT ALICE VINCENT

JOSH ROBERTS KIMBERLEY WILSON

• Listen • Like • Subscribe •

Listen to conversations with Liam Hackett, Alice Vincent, Josh Roberts,
Kimberley Wilson, and many others who share their passions,
and reveal the moments that shaped them.
Self-doubt can hold us back from fulfilling our true potential, but what can we
do about it? We speak to transformational coach Tiina Mokvist to get a better
understanding of why we doubt ourselves, and how we can cultivate self-belief
Writing | Kat Nicholls Artwork | Charlotte Reynell
I
“ can’t do this.” When was the last For example, with the radio As a professional, Tiina has
time this phrase came to mind? interview, there was a chance I worked with many clients
For me it was this morning when might say something wrong and experiencing self-doubt. So what’s
I was asked to do a live radio be embarrassed. My brain, with the most interesting trend she’s
interview – they made a mistake its tribal mentality, sees this as noticed with this? Honestly, it’s
contacting me, right? risky, because it believes I could the fact that everyone doubts
This is self-doubt in action and be shunned and pushed out of the themselves, regardless of how they
almost all of us experience it at ‘tribe’. My self-doubt was simply might appear on the outside.
some time or other. The issue trying to protect me. “I have worked with high-
isn’t necessarily the doubt itself, So a bit of second guessing is performing, high-achieving,
but the way we react to it. As totally normal, and often we confident people who essentially
transformational coach Tiina can rationalise and move past believe in themselves, and they
Mokvist explains: “Self-doubt isn’t it. However, for some of us, our too doubt themselves. They
necessarily a ‘bad’ thing. It truly past experiences can make self- may not let on that they do, and
depends on if we let it control us doubt particularly hard to shake. importantly they, at least on a
or not.” Tiina tells me two factors that conscious level, do not let it stop
This morning I was able to take can influence this are childhood them from doing what they want.
control of mine but, if this had messaging, and past trauma. But still, the doubt is there.
happened a couple of years ago, “Some of us have not had the “So do not think that you are
I know I would have let self- support, encouragement, and alone in doubting yourself, or that
doubt win. What this tells me is love that we needed as children,” there is something fundamentally
that it is possible to change your Tiina says. “This can lead to a deep wrong with you.”
relationship with self-doubt. sense of insecurity in our abilities, Tiina has noticed a difference in
But in our search to understand and manifest as insistent self- men and women, but perhaps not
how to overcome it, it poses doubt that holds us back. in the way we would think. Many
the question – why do we doubt “And/or, something traumatic of us see self-doubt as more of a
ourselves in the first place? happened, an event that shook us female problem, and there are
to the core and makes us doubt studies to support this, but what
THE ROOT OF SELF-DOUBT ourselves in everything we do. Tiina’s noticed is that women tend
The answer lies in our evolution. This can be trauma with a big T or to talk about it more than men.
The reason humans have thrived a small t.” Whether it’s in the way women
over time is that our brains protect Big T traumas are events seen talk about achievements and what
us from harm and avoid risk. In as universally traumatic, such as stands in their way, the self-doubt
the past, this was about not risking experiencing or witnessing serious is pretty easy to spot, “whereas,
a fight with a ferocious animal injury, sexual violence, or other for men, it is often a bit more
outside the cave. These days the life-threatening events. Little t veiled. This is possibly due to
risks we face tend to be less life- traumas are highly distressing but cultural gender conditioning, and
threatening, and more social or affect people on a more individual our ideas of what a man versus
psychological – but often they still level, and may not fit into the big T a woman should be, and behave
instill the deep fear and dread. category. like,” she explains.

36 • happiful.com • April 2020

THREE WAYS TO TACKLE
SELF-DOUBT RIGHT NOW

Tiina says:
1. Talk to someone about it: Sometimes
when we keep things inside they grow and
grow until we have painted a total disaster
in our minds that will paralyse us. Talking to
someone we trust helps us get perspective.

2. Keep a ‘boost yourself book’ that you can

read when self-doubt hits: This book contains
notes about your achievements, great
feedback you’ve been given, and events that
you felt really good about. When self-doubt
rears its head, this book is your reality check
– your buddy that reminds you that you are
good enough, and that you can handle this.

3. Take action and change your state: As self-

doubt can be paralysing, it’s important to just
do something, anything. Change your state.
Don’t linger in the doubt.

The way self-doubt shows up in with for a long time, you may when you’ve felt confident and
our lives can vary, regardless of want to call in reinforcements in control. Try to recreate these
gender. Sometimes it’s that voice and speak to a professional. feelings in your body the next time
telling you ‘you can’t’, sometimes Depending on where you believe you need a confidence boost, and if
it’s more insidious. Tiina says your self-doubt stems from, a you find it hard, think about what
common ways self-doubt manifests coach or a counsellor could give someone you admire would do.
include feeling paralysed by fear, you the support you need. Finally, it’s important to
difficulty making a decision, a Talking to your doubt is the next recognise that all of this takes
sense of failure before starting step. “Self-doubt is essentially work, and time, to implement. I
something, procrastination, and a fear based on not being good am a testament to this – it’s taken
people-pleasing. enough, and that fear may need a good number of years for me to
Becoming aware of the way self- soothing from time to time.” build self-belief, and it requires
doubt manifests for you is the first Tiina explains that once the ongoing practice.
step to overcoming it. doubt has been ‘heard’ and The beauty is, the more you
soothed, it tends to loosen its gently edge outside of your
OVERCOMING SELF-DOUBT grip. Thanking self-doubt for comfort zone, the more you prove
AND BUILDING SELF-BELIEF trying to protect me is a habit I’ve to yourself that you can do the
Being willing to make a change gotten into, and it’s surprising scary thing – even with fear in the
and acknowledging that fear is how powerful showing yourself passenger seat.
there, but isn’t allowed in the compassion in this way can be.
driving seat anymore, is the best Getting to know what self-belief For more articles and advice on
place to start, Tiina says. If it’s feels and looks like is next. Tiina nurturing your self-belief, check out
something you’ve been struggling recommends reflecting on times our free Happiful app.

April 2020 • happiful.com • 37

How to find
your life’s purpose
It’s easy to feel stuck in a rut, or that you’ve lost your way in
life. Even if you’re moving, it’s not necessarily in a direction
that sparks excitement and passion… But thanks to some
tips from a transformation coach and life purpose expert,
you can soon set yourself on a new course
Writing | Ilse Passet Illustrating | Rosan Magar

I
n his book, Man’s Search for
Meaning, Viktor E Frankl,
a psychiatrist held in a
concentration camp during the
Second World War, found that that
the prisoners who were more likely
to survive had a purpose to keep
them going. Recent studies have
corroborated these findings, and
shown that living a purposeful life
not only makes people happier and
more successful, but can also lead to
countless benefits, including higher
job satisfaction, longer life-span and
better sleep.
If you’re feeling lost or stuck, finding
your life purpose can help you move SET THE INTENTION TO WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU?
forward. Find a quiet space, grab a FIND PURPOSE Write down a list of things that are
cup of tea and a notebook, and follow “Where intention goes, energy important to you. Don’t think about
these steps to find your purpose. flows” is one of my favorite it, just ask yourself the question,
quotes by James Redfield. This and write what comes to mind –
APPROACH THE PROCESS may seem like a basic step, but family, love, independence, fun,
LIKE A CHILD it sends a powerful message to the earth, making a difference.
Children are naturally curious, your subconscious, and helps
and they approach life without you access inspiration and WHAT IS YOUR HEART’S DESIRE?
judgement or fear. I invite you to ideas buried deep within. I What if you didn’t have to worry
approach this exercise with the also recommend writing down about responsibilities, chores,
same curiosity. Try to minimize any your intention, as this helps it money, or your career? If your
expectations of the outcome, and become something tangible, time was completely free to do
instead focus on observing rather than just an idea in what you choose, how would you
insights as they come up. your head. spend it? When we strip away all

38 • happiful.com • April 2020

money out of the equation and
focus on the things that truly

If you’re feeling matter to you.

lost or stuck, WHERE DO YOU LOSE YOURSELF?

Think about what you are doing

finding your or thinking when you lose track

of time. When are you most in the

life purpose can flow of life? Think about the last

time you looked at the clock and

help you move were surprised at how much time

had passed. Write down the details

forward of as many experiences as you can

remember.

PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER

Take a look at everything you
have written. Circle any recurring
words, thoughts or ideas that are
coming up. What inspired you the
most? What images came to mind
when you were going through this
exercise? The patterns you see will
point you in the direction of your
life purpose.

WRITE DOWN YOUR

SHORT SENTENCE
Summarise your life purpose in
one short sentence: I’m here to
_____________________________.
Write it down and put it
somewhere visible.
the things we ‘have’ to do, we WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU Finding your purpose is one of
often realise what we truly want. DIDN’T NEED MONEY? the most powerful things you will
Write down all the answers that A lot of people fall into the trap do in your life. Once you have done
come to mind. of thinking that money equals this step, I invite you to make your
purpose – this is one of the biggest purpose a part of your everyday
WHAT DID YOU WANT TO sources of unhappiness that I have life, to help inspire you to craft the
BE AS A CHILD? seen over the years as a coach. life you truly want.
Remember when you used to By focusing on money as the main
pretend you were a pilot, spread purpose, and not a by-product
your arms and ‘fly’ around the of following their purpose, people Ilse is a qualified transformational
house? Or you played doctor with get stuck in jobs and relationships coach and life purpose expert. She
your teddy bears? Recall what they dislike, and eventually supports stressed and anxious people
you wanted to be as a child, and burn out. increase their confidence and achieve
why. Picture a memory related to By writing your answer to this financial freedom doing what they
that dream and write it down. question, you’ll be able to take love. Find out more at ilsepasset.com

April 2020 • happiful.com • 39

Photography | Felipe Bustillo

“
The earth has music for
those who listen
– GEORGE SANTAYANA
TRUE LIFE

Emerging from
the past, and
embracing myself
Life seemed to all go to plan for Joanne Wu -
the perfect family, home, and career. But her world
was shaken when that perfect vision fell apart, and
she realised she’d endured years of emotional abuse
Writing | Joanne Wu

H
ow did I light of a new trauma. I still had an I spent two more years
get to this And it forced me to look unfaltering belief in my in that relationship, until
point in deep inside myself and husband’s character. I found more emails from
my life? start healing properly – I thought it was a silly the same woman. This
How did for real this time. It was mistake. I stayed. I time I left. I’d tried to
a girl living her fairytale time to get to know myself blamed myself, I gave end it a couple of times
end up as a woman all for the first time in my him excuses. He said before, but this became
alone at midnight, piles life – to know what I stood he’d chosen me. I the catalyst I needed to
of books around her, for, what I wanted, what thought we could make stick to my guns. He didn’t
laptop whirring away, I didn’t want. It was time it work – we would be make it easy though.
and tears staining her to stand up and forgo the stronger than before. For 10 months, he wrote
face? How had a happily fairytale, and instead be I very quickly realised love letters and begged
married mother of two, my own superhero. that this wasn’t the case me to take him back. He
and outstanding teacher, Back in 2011, my whole at all. His ‘short fling’ used my daughters as a
end up on the verge of world fell apart. I found story was a concocted means of gaining access
divorce, and on the brink out that my high-school one. His mistress was to the house, and a chance
of a mental breakdown sweetheart was having a work colleague, and for more emotional
brought on by stress? an affair. Together at was pregnant. His lies, manipulation.
I couldn’t go on much 14, married by 23, two his continued devious Then, in 2014, my mum
longer at this rate. I was beautiful girls in my late behaviour, and his lack booked me an apartment
making myself sick. I 20s. I felt lucky, even a bit of effort to make things for a girls’ holiday – a
thought I had made it smug. I was proud of our right, meant I started to chance to recuperate. The
through the worst of story. So having entered lose all respect for him. only thing was that all my
times. I was strong, I into my 30s, feeling like But I’d forgiven him. And girlfriends had just had
thought. I’d healed. But I had made it in life, the it was hard to give up on babies. So I took a male
what I’d been through discovery hit me like a ton my fairytale – it was my friend with me. He had
suddenly surfaced in the of bricks. whole identity. suffered a bereavement at >>>

April 2020 • happiful.com • 41

the same time that I had
left my ex, and so we had
become close, supporting
each other.
On my return, my ex
husband begged me to
come back to him again,
and I pushed for a divorce.
Angry, and knowing I
had gone away with our
mutual friend, he lost
his temper, picking up a
kitchen stool and hurling
it in my direction. I’d made
a promise to a girlfriend
of mine, who had never
liked the sound of my ex’s
behaviour, that I would
phone the police if I felt

over again, a year later. All purpose and self-worth in

I was strong, I thought. I’d the while I got closer and

closer to my male friend,
my life, even though I felt
I had failed as a wife and
healed. But what I’d been who became my rock. I home-maker. Teaching

through suddenly surfaced in survived. People said how

strong I was.
became my whole identity
and worth.
the light of a new trauma I really thought I So when management
had made it through was replaced, I was keen
unscathed. I ploughed to make a big impression.
threatened. I did just dawned on me that I had myself into teaching. I failed miserably. I was
that. As I ran back to the been in an emotionally Perhaps that stopped me made to feel inadequate.
kitchen with the phone abusive relationship for from truly dealing with I would go so far as to say
in my hand, I saw my a very long time. I had everything. There was no I felt victimised, and the
husband taking a knife out suffered scare tactics and one at home to tell me to way I was treated went on
of the draw. My life flashed aggression in recent years, stop working, so I worked to have a huge impact on
before my eyes. which had only been myself into the ground. my mental health.
The next few months heightened by the guilt he And then an entirely I had thought the
gave me space. With felt about his affair. I found new relationship made domestic abuse of my past
bail conditions and an out about other affairs, me experience my past was way behind me. But
upcoming trial, I finally and I realised I had been trauma anew. this situation took me right
had time to heal without living with a stranger – far There was a change of back to how I felt with my
endless harassment. But I from the fairytale prince I management at my school. ex for all those years. I was
had to find the strength to had clung on to. Both the headteacher and a nervous wreck. I was
be a prosecution witness. He was found guilty the deputy headteacher second-guessing myself
It came easier than I of assault and criminal left. Both had valued me, with every decision, and
expected. A domestic damage in court, but and because of this my the way they talked to
violence advisor asked appealed the decision. So I ridiculous workload felt me had me shivering and
me some questions, and it had to find the strength all manageable. I still had queasy. I realised that I

42 • happiful.com • April 2020

Don’t wait until
a trauma or until you
are lost to find yourself

All I knew was that I yourself. Don’t remain

wanted to help women trapped in a reality or
see and reach their full expectation that you
potential. And I didn’t created when you didn’t
want women to have to hit know your true self or
crisis point or personal your true desires. Emerge
trauma before they took and embrace the ‘whole
the time to discover their woman’ that you are. And
purpose and brilliance. start today.
My story has a happy
ending. My trauma led to OUR EXPERT SAYS
growth and happiness. It’s
2020 and I have a happy, Joanne’s courageous story
healthy relationship, bought a Groucho Marx
where I am not only quote to mind: “Blessed are
‘allowed’, but encouraged the cracked, for they shall
to grow and flourish. I let in the light.” Her new
am a role model for my trauma compelled her to
hadn’t healed and that I book after book, audio two young daughters, reflect on how her past was
still had huge issues with after audio. I was inspired doing what I love and still impacting her present.
confidence, self-esteem by the stories of positivity making a difference. I We can pick out a weed,
and assertiveness. And to and success. I learnt coach women through a but if we don’t dig down to
make it all worse, I lost about myself and took process of self-discovery the root, it has the potential
the only bit of my identity responsibility for my own and exploration, so that to reappear. I believe we
I had left – being a great part in what had gone they can have happier, internalise expectations
teacher. wrong. I started to rebuild healthier relationships from society from a very
This new relationship my self-esteem, replacing with themselves and early age. Joanne was an
trauma, this time in the old beliefs for new ones. others, too. example of this, seeking
workplace, brought it But after this period of My business is called the ‘fairytale’ life. Joanne
home that something recovery, I realised I was EMERGEncy, because I now extends her experience
had to change. In 2017, I lost. I had been trapped believe it is an emergency of self-discovery by
realised teaching was part in a life-long plan that I to discover who you are helping other
of the problem, and left. created when I was 14. early in life. It is also what women to pause,
Through a network It hadn’t worked out. So I encourage you to do evaluate, and live
marketing company called what now? I went on the today through my story. their lives to their
Arbonne, I found my biggest journey of my life Take time to emerge. Don’t full potential.
biggest saviour – personal – discovering my purpose, wait until a trauma or Nicola Vanlint | PG Dip Adv Dip MBACP (Accred)
development. I devoured and setting about living it! until you are lost to find Psychotherapist and EMDR Therapist

April 2020 • happiful.com • 43

Mindfulness for mums –
no time like the present
Author and musician Izzy Judd shares tips on making time for
self-care alongside the challenges of family life
Writing | Gemma Calvert

I
zzy Judd has had anxiety
for as long as she can
remember. As a child, she
endured night-time panic
attacks. At 12, her older
brother sustained head injuries
in a car accident, causing her
issues to spiral. At 20 – after
finding fame on Britain’s Got
Talent in the all-female classical
group Escala – she hit a
particularly low point. Izzy was
prescribed antidepressants and
sought cognitive behavioural
therapy. Then, two years ago,
after her baby son Kit was
hospitalised with bronchiolitis,
the panic attacks returned with
a vengeance.
While she had discovered
mindfulness shortly before her Breathing slowly and calmly Use technology as a mindfulness
wedding to McFly drummer soothes our nervous system. trigger. We often hold our breath
Harry in 2012, and relied on One exercise I use with Lola is when reading or writing emails,
it during their long-running ‘Take Five’. Put your left hand so use the arrival of an email as
fertility battle, Izzy abandoned in front of you, and with the a trigger to breathe slowly for a
good intentions after becoming finger of your right hand trace minute. Alternatively, each time
a busy mum to Lola, four, and your other hand. As you go up your phone rings, take three slow
Kit, two. But since rediscovering your thumb, breathe in and as breaths. To switch off before
the practice of focusing on you come down the other side, bedtime, I’ve bought myself a
the present moment, she breathe out. Repeat for all your colouring book, so I now do that
has developed techniques fingers so you end up taking instead of looking at my phone.
specifically for children and five level breaths. For children,
parents. Here she shares her especially, this slows everything Give children tools to express
tips to help all families become down, and as they get older they their feelings. Help little ones
calmer, more connected, and can use the technique before an tune in to their emotions by
content amid the chaos. exam or interview. talking about the weather. Explain

44 • happiful.com • April 2020

With mindfulness, it’s
about acknowledging that
nothing stays the same,
and tomorrow is a new day
WAIT (‘Why Am I Talking?’). Over time, those minutes make
This is good when your partner’s a difference because they’re
walked through the door, you slowing you down and – hopefully
feel exhausted and drained, and – helping you cope with feeling
how one day it might be raining might take it out on them. Before overwhelmed.
and they may feel sad, but the next you speak, ask yourself: ‘Why
day the sun might be out and they am I talking? Is this what I want Remain calm when your child
may feel happy. With mindfulness, to say? Is this how I want to say has a meltdown – it’s possible!
it’s about acknowledging that it?’ The chances are, it’s probably We’re all human and there are
nothing stays the same, and not, and you’ll enjoy a calmer moments where it all gets too
tomorrow is a new day. conversation by saying nothing or much, so during your child’s next
rephrasing things. tantrum try the ‘Calm Begins With
Set your alarm for half an hour Me’ exercise. Touch your thumb
before the rest of the family Nourish, don’t punish. As a mum, to each of your fingers and, as you
wake. The time I find particularly I constantly question if I’m doing do, say ‘calm begins with me’. It’s a
hard as a mum is getting out of a good enough job. We tend to trigger to remind yourself that you
bed without a moment to even live in that voice, immersed in can remain calm even during the
open my eyes, because of the guilt, rather than kindness. Try most stressful times.
children’s demands. Even if you to remember the things you did
set your alarm early once or twice accomplish that day. Maybe you
a week, you’ll feel the benefit of made the kids a nice bowl of
having a slightly slower start. Go porridge in the morning, or read
downstairs, make yourself a cup them a lovely story at bedtime.
of tea, and get ahead of the game.
Incorporate mindful moments
Do nothing! We add to our into every day. Take a mindful
already fast-paced lives by feeling pause when you put the key in the
the need to fill our children’s door, or when you’re waiting for
time with inspiring activities, the kettle to boil. When you step
but when we slow down we’re at out of bed, breathe and say ‘let
our most creative. Children learn go’ as your feet touch the floor.
by copying, so sit down and do In the car before school pick up,
nothing. You’re doing them – and close your eyes for one minute ‘Mindfulness for Mums’ by Izzy Judd
you – a favour! and think about your breathing. (Michael Joseph, £14.99) is out now.

April 2020 • happiful.com • 45

Photography | Mohammed Hassan

46 • happiful.com • April 2020

“
Change is the end result
of all true learning
– LEO BUSCAGLIA
How to talk about
suicide sensitively
Talking about suicide is tough, but it’s also
incredibly important. And what’s even more
important is how we talk about it...

Writing | Becky Wright

W
e’ve come a long way
with how mental
health is spoken
about and reported
in the UK, but there is always room
for improvement. And there’s one
topic of conversation, in particular,
where our language can often be
problematic – suicide.
It’s often said that suicide is
the last stigma of mental health
and, although the way to remove
stigma is by talking, with a topic as
sensitive as suicide, there needs to
be a balance.
The problem is, the less we talk
about suicide, the more we alienate
people experiencing crisis, and the
more likely they are to act on those
thoughts. Yet, the more we get the
conversation wrong – by talking
about suicide insensitively, or thoughts, but we can support Here, we share our knowledge
without being properly informed – those who have been bereaved by on how to talk about suicide in a
we add to the shame and stigma that suicide, or are dealing with the compassionate and sensitive way.
already exists. consequences of a suicide attempt.
So, we need to get the The more we’re able to talk about 1 You don’t have to be an expert
conversation right. By doing this, it, the easier it will become. To set the tone for this guide,
we’ll not only help people who At Happiful, we know that there isn’t a list of phrases you
might be experiencing suicidal language is incredibly powerful. can memorise, or a tick-list to >>>

April 2020 • happiful.com • 47

Where to get help
If you’re in crisis and are
concerned for your own, or
someone else’s safety, call
999 or go to A&E as soon as
possible.

To talk to someone
immediately, you can call
Samaritans on 116 123 or
email [email protected].
The Samaritans are available
24/7 and are completely
anonymous. If you need to
talk, they are there to listen.

2 Get the terminology right

Although you’re not expected to
be an expert, there are some key
things to remember when it comes
to your choice of language.
It might feel ingrained in the way
we talk about suicide, but refrain
from using the phrase ‘commit
suicide’. The term ‘commit’
suggests criminality and blame,
which is not the case; suicide
hasn’t been a criminal act in the
UK since 1961. But, if someone
complete to talk sensitively about Samaritans volunteer and they will
thinks of something as sinful,
suicide. Nor is it about being the tell you that they are not an expert in
irreligious or criminal, they’re less
most qualified person to speak any way, shape, or form. In fact, our
likely to talk about it.
on the subject. It’s about showing founder, Chad Varah, once described
Alternatives include: ‘Died by
how much you care; being Samaritans volunteers as ‘ordinary
suicide’, ‘completed suicide’ or
compassionate, and relating to people doing extraordinary things’.
‘took/ended their own life’.
others on a basic, human level. “One of these extraordinary
Part of showing compassion things is what we describe as ‘active When people refer to a
is a willingness to learn. This is listening’. It’s about using techniques ‘successful’ or ‘failed’ suicide
incredibly important, according that give people breathing space attempt, this is problematic.
to Lucia Capobianco, senior and time to say what they want to, Success usually refers to
learning and development officer without jumping in with advice.” something positive, and failure
at Samaritans. So, perhaps the first step in talking negative. However, when an
“Samaritans has more than 65 about suicide sensitively is being attempt doesn’t result in death,
years of expertise when it comes a sensitive listener – and that is that should be considered the best
to listening, but speak to any something we can all work on. outcome.

48 • happiful.com • April 2020

Alternatives include: ‘Survived should not apply to suicide. For the How to begin a conversation
a suicide attempt’ or ‘nonfatal loved ones bereaved by suicide, it’s about an attempted suicide:
suicide attempt’. an incredibly painful time.
When someone dies by suicide, • “I’m so sorry that you’ve been
When referring to a person who
it’s a tragedy – and it makes it no feeling so low, but I am glad
has reached crisis point, person-
more or less tragic to know the that you’re still here.”
first language is preferred. For
method in which they used to take • “I’m here for you now, and
instance, instead of asking ‘Are you
their life. Nor will it benefit us to remember that I am always
suicidal?’, it’s better to use language
know the reason. So, if you ever here if you ever need to talk.”
that separates them from the
think about asking ‘how’ or ‘why’, • “I would like to help you, so
illness. This can help to reiterate
contemplate the repercussions of please tell me how I can best
that they are more than their
those questions. do that. If that means just sitting
mental illness, and that ending
here, that’s alright too.”
their life is not the only option.
4 Try not to be sensationalist
Alternatives include: ‘Are you
If you hear about a case of suicide, Particularly if someone has
having suicidal thoughts?’ or
refrain from speculating, especially attempted to take their own life,
‘Are you experiencing suicidal
about the method. As we know, this can feel like an impossible
feelings?’
many of us can be dealing with conversation to have. It might
It might feel unnatural at issues that others aren’t aware feel as though there are no words
first but, by using sensitive of. Talking sensationally about that will match the sadness of
terminology, you’re signalling methods can be triggering for those the situation. You may also be
yourself as an ally – you’re safe to experiencing suicidal thoughts, feeling overwhelmed, shocked,
talk to. Because there’s still a long or who know someone who has and emotional yourself. But, what
way to go in making terminology completed suicide. you say to them now is more
like this the norm, you’re likely to The same is true for discussing important than any conversation
encounter people who question the reasons that may have led you’ve ever had with them.
your choice of wording. This offers someone to take their own life. Creating a safe space where
an opportunity to share knowledge The media is fond of trying to they know that they are cared for,
and open up the conversation. pin a single cause to suicides, supported and loved will make a
This isn’t to say that you must but we need to be careful not to huge difference. Try to focus on
correct other people’s wording, over-simplify. Avoid suggesting doing the following:
though. Especially if you’re that a single incident, such as a • Listen
speaking to someone who has relationship breakdown, loss of a • Show you care
lost a loved one to suicide, it’s not job, or bereavement, was the cause. • Give them hope
your place to tell them to change As we know, suicide isn’t as
their language. Always approach simple as that and there isn’t one 6 More than anything, be kind
conversations with kindness and reason why someone dies by Every suicide is a tragedy, and we
compassion – people choosing suicide. It is incredibly complex, should reflect that in the language
to mirror your language is better resulting from many difficult we use to talk about it. We might
than making them feel that they experiences over the course of a not get it right every single time,
are in the wrong. person’s lifetime. but part of being a mental health
advocate is trying to get it right
3 Be mindful when you are 5 If someone is feeling – learning from others, sharing
asking questions suicidal, be brave knowledge and, most of all, being
As humans, we’re inquisitive. As much as you want to stop them kind and supportive.
Particularly when something sad from feeling the way they do, it In using sensitive language to
or traumatic happens, it feels can be difficult to know how to talk about suicide, you can help to
natural to want to understand help someone who is experiencing break the stigma, so that this way
how or why it happened. But this suicidal feelings. of talking becomes the norm.

April 2020 • happiful.com • 49

Ask the experts

Acupuncturist and Chinese medicine

specialist Gordana Petrović answers
your questions on acupuncture

Read more about Gordana on

therapy-directory.org.uk

Q
I’ve heard and most of the time totally relaxed and energised.
about painless, even at the initial The more you relax, the
acupuncture point of contact to the skin. more you are able to
before, but I’m worried The sensation you will release the blocks that
it will hurt. What does feel will be one of tingling, prevent good energy
it actually feel like? warmth, and/or a mild ache flow. Your body may have
in and around the area. This given you the impression

A Acupuncture definitely is a good sign, confirming that you had no energy

doesn’t hurt. While it that we have achieved when it was, in fact,
involves the insertion of the goal of activating your always there – it just
tiny, hair-like needles into healing process! couldn’t flow through.
certain points on the body, The best feeling is after the Once we unblock it, it can
the insertion is very shallow session when you will be resume its course.

Q I experience a
lot of headaches
and tension in
my neck and shoulders.
internal imbalance in the
body and mind.
In traditional Chinese
acupuncture, we look
Acupuncture prescription
for headaches and
tension and the neck in
shoulders, will differ for each
for the root cause of the client, depending on the
Can acupuncture help? manifestation of any assessment. In other words, a
symptom, according to the man of 35 who is active, with

A Yes, it can. Headaches,

tension in neck and
shoulders, or any other
individual constitution of
each client. This includes
general health, lifestyle, diet,
a good diet but interrupted
sleep, will have a completely
different prescription to a
symptom you might exercise regime, and in the post-menopausal woman,
experience for that matter, case of headaches, any other with good sleep but poor diet
are considered a sign of the reaction to stressors. and no exercise.

Therapy Directory is part of the Happiful Family | Helping you find the help you need
Top tips for someone trying acupuncture
for the first time

1. Find out about your practitioner and

their experience. You need to feel confident
working with them and divulging personal
health information.

2. Be prepared for a change to your health

and your life, understanding that you are
starting a journey to your best health.

3. Understand that acupuncture is a

safe and well-researched method of
complementary medicine, that works well
on its own, and as a therapeutic method
alongside medical treatment.

Q Is there
anything I
should do
to prepare for an
in their approach, but an
open, honest relationship
between therapist and client
is essential. I always advise
a good, long chat before
acupuncture session? the first session, either on

A No particular
preparation is necessary.
If you have any specific
the phone, via email, or via
Skype. I offer this free of
charge, but that might vary
requests, you should between practitioners. In any
always discuss it with your case, you should be well-
practitioner ahead of time. informed according to your
Equally, if you have any personal circumstances.
questions or doubts about In terms of general
your treatment, you should practicalities, you should
openly discuss this with your wear loose, comfortable
acupuncturist. clothing, eat a couple of
For acupuncture to work, hours or so before the
and to produce the best treatment. You must not
results, communication is key. be under the influence of
Every practitioner is different alcohol or drugs.
HAPPIFUL TOP 10
April
Take things back to basics this month as we celebrate the benefits of nature, explore
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shares the secrets of going It can be hard to put aside
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(Follow @selfcareisforeveryone
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OUT AND ABOUT

London Craft Week
Spark your creativity at 2
this year’s London Craft Week! A celebration of imagination,
individuality, and passion, you can get involved in masterclasses
from Britain’s finest craftspeople.
(27 April to 3 May. For more information
head to londoncraftweek.com)
6 9
LEND US YOUR EARS THE CONVERSATION
‘Sleep and Relax ASMR’ National Gardening Week
Enjoy soothing sounds as Watering cans at the ready! Join in with this week-
you listen to this podcast long celebration of gardening to raise awareness of
that helps you sleep and relax. Switch the benefits that green spaces bring to our lives. Get involved
off and explore the gentle sounds and encourage others to get green-thumbed by sharing your
of whispering, nature, and random favourite outside spaces.
ramblings. (27 April to 3 May, get involved at rhs.org.uk)

10
(Listen to the podcast on
iTunes and Spotify)

GET

7
GOING
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The Secret Garden Inflatable 5K
Based on the classic Are you looking for a way
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Images | The Secret Garden: © 2020 Studiocanal S.A.S A

bursting with excitement!

8
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UK mainland only. Competition closes on 16 April 2020
How to help a friend
who has depression
If you’re worried that a loved one might be experiencing depression
and want to help them, you’re already a great friend. But it can be
hard to know exactly how to support them

Writing | Becky Wright

I
f you have a loved one who • They express a negative “You’re not alone. I’m here for you.”
is currently experiencing outlook on life. Are they
depression, it can be a worrying uncharacteristically sad, irritable, “It might be hard to believe right
and uncertain time. You might feel short-tempered, or moody? now, but the way you’re feeling will
that you don’t know what to say, or • They have physical aches and change.”
how to help them. pains. Are they frequently
Truth be told, it’s not easy to see complaining of headaches, “Even if I’m not able to understand
someone you love struggle. And, stomach problems, or back pain? exactly how you feel, I care about
if you neglect your own wellbeing Are they feeling tired and drained you and want to help.”
in the process, it can become all the time?
overwhelming. That being said, • Their eating habits have changed. “I’m proud of you for opening up
there are some simple steps you Are they eating more or less than about this. You’re so important
can take to support your loved one’s usual? Have they recently gained to me.”
mental health. or lost weight?
Here are six things you can do to 3 ENCOURAGE THEM TO
help a friend with depression. 2 LISTEN WITHOUT JUDGEMENT SEE A PROFESSIONAL
Find a quiet moment where you It can be difficult to convince
1 WATCH FOR SYMPTOMS can check-in with your loved one, someone who’s struggling to see

00
Admittedly, there aren’t always undisturbed. Let them speak about a specialist, but this is often the
obvious signs that someone is what they feel or think. Even if you first step towards getting better. It’s
struggling but, quite often, we can’t relate to what they’re going important to reiterate this to your
can notice changes in behaviour through, they will take comfort loved one.
before we know that someone has a from your listening. Try to hold Try to encourage them to see their
problem. eye contact, and listen without doctor. You could say something
interrupting or offering solutions. like: “I’m worried about you and I
Look out for the following signs: If you want to give them some think it would be good to talk to a
• They don’t seem to care about words of encouragement, let them doctor about what’s been going on
anything anymore. Have they lost know they won’t always feel this lately.” A GP will be able to explore
interest in work or their hobbies? way. It might sound simple, but all suitable options, whether that’s
Have they withdrawn from genuine, heartfelt statements like medication, counselling, or a
friends, family, or social activities? these can give your loved one hope: combination of the two.

54 • happiful.com • April 2020

Talk to your friend or family
member about what they
might like your help with,
and identify things they
can try to do themselves

4 SUPPORT THEM IN THE BEST

POSSIBLE WAY FOR THEM
If someone is struggling, you might
feel like you want to offer them
more practical support. But while
it might be thoughtful to offer to
help them with certain things – like
working out how or when to let
their employer know what’s going
on – it’s also important to allow
them to do things in their own time.
Everyone is different, and we
all benefit from different kinds
of support. Talk to your friend or
family member about what they
might like your help with, and
identify things they can try to do
themselves.
One of the simplest things you can
do is to make them smile. The idea
that ‘laughter is the best medicine’
might not be scientifically proven,
but a little laughter can indeed help Practise what you preach, and
to improve our mood. So, when follow the self-care behaviours you
they’re feeling up to it, make some want your friend to adopt – eating
plans that they will enjoy. healthy meals, moving your body,
and getting enough sleep at the
5 DON’T FORGET ABOUT very least. It can help to reinforce
YOURSELF, TOO to your loved one that self-care is
It can be emotionally challenging an important tool in maintaining
to help someone with depression. mental wellness.

April 2020 • happiful.com • 55

“
We may encounter many
defeats, but we must
not be defeated
– MAYA ANGELOU

Photography | Andriyko Podilnyk

TRUE LIFE

Functioning,
dysfunctionally
Drinking every day was no secret for Sam, but even
he didn’t realise the extent of his dependency. His
unhealthy coping mechanism took time to work
through, and despite relapses, he’s now found
himself on a more promising path
Writing | Sam Thomas

Y
“ ou are Little did I know that the You’re stuck in a Catch-22, of us will self-medicate,
over the regular episodes of illness where you want to numb whether we recognise it or
threshold,” I was enduring were signs the pain and trauma. You not, to cope with life and
were the of alcohol withdrawal, are desperate to be free, its pressures. However,
words of affecting me both but unable to escape. You self-medicating isn’t just
the specialist medic at physically and mentally. I want to run away from the about drink or drugs,
the local drug and alcohol just assumed the physical intensity of unbearable and actually comes in
service. Initially, I had no symptoms were a virus... feelings. many forms – smoking,
idea what that meant, but Mentally, I was unstable, Everyday activities spending, gambling,
it was certainly a shock. and had been for a while. no longer fulfilled me. relationships, sex even.
For six months, from It wasn’t surprising, after a Distractions would work From 2000, I had battled
the summer of 2016, I series of traumas, that one for five minutes, but that’s with bulimia for eight
had tried to cut back on particular event triggered as far as it went. Nothing years. Then, throughout
drinking, not knowing I feelings of emotional would take the edge off. my 20s, over-exercising
was alcohol-dependent. I distress. So, I took to Nothing would enable was the main problem,
was aware I was drinking self-medicating. What I you to be who you were whether it be running
daily – it was no big secret underestimated was the before. And that’s why for miles, or spending
– but I certainly hadn’t eventual impact drinking people turn to substance hours at the gym every
realised the extent of it. would have on my health misuse... day without fail. All
As far as I was concerned, and wellbeing. When people experience my life I had swapped
I was managing. Getting Going through a mental complex traumas in one unhealthy coping
on with it even. I was health crisis, drinking life, it is understandable mechanism for another,
functioning, albeit in a and repeated withdrawals that they turn to self- but the feelings of guilt
dysfunctional way. became a vicious circle. medicating. Every one and shame had remained. >>>

April 2020 • happiful.com • 57

Dealing with drinking helped,
but left me vulnerable to mental
health problems. And being
vulnerable to my mental health
led me back to drinking
Sam was in a vicious cycle
where his mental health
led him to drink, which
To explain, withdrawals worsened his mental state
are not to be confused
with a hangover, and the
symptoms go far beyond
that. Upon stopping
the drinking abruptly, I
experienced a myriad of
symptoms on and off for
five months that were
unexplained. For a long
time it didn’t add up – in
part from my limited were so extreme, I had to for me. In fact, I relapsed impossible. My GP said
knowledge of withdrawal drink again as the only immediately after being the guidelines state you
from alcohol – and it only means to ease them. discharged, and the have to be sober for
became obvious once a What it linked to was a reason became clear to me three months before any
pattern had emerged. set of unresolved issues soon after. referral could be made.
Unfortunately, while over a period of time, It wasn’t a drinking How on earth was I, or
wine was the poison, it which I couldn’t accept problem that had gotten anyone else for the matter,
was also the medicine I or manage. I had gotten out of hand – it was the meant to do that? It would
needed to avoid significant all my priorities in the underlying trauma driving inevitably lead to crisis,
damage from withdrawals. wrong order as a means to it. I concluded that dealing again and again.
Typically, I’d experience avoid them – or perhaps I with drinking helped, One year after the
full-body shakes – where was in denial. Eventually, but left me vulnerable to inpatient detox, and
I was unable to stand it became clear that I mental health problems. further withdrawal
or walk – fever-like needed serious help, And being vulnerable to episodes and mental
symptoms, nausea and and was admitted to an my mental health led me health crises, I was
sickness, total confusion, inpatient detox facility for back to drinking, which is admitted to a local
delusional thoughts, 10 days in March 2017. often the case for others in psychiatric hospital in
short-term memory loss, It seemed like the the same boat. April 2018. I had been
agitation, insomnia, obvious option to resolve During this time, I seen by the Mental Health
intense nightmares, and my problems. However, found trying to access Liaison Team at A&E
overwhelming discomfort. I realised that being mental health support in many times in the build up
Sometimes the symptoms isolated wasn’t the way the community virtually to this. I detoxed over four

58 • happiful.com • April 2020

With a structured routine, and the support of loved
ones, Sam’s journey of recovery is now going well

What I’ve
realised in this
journey is the
key to recovery
is establishing
coping
mechanisms I realise that I’m far Self-isolation didn’t OUR EXPERT SAYS
that are from out of the woods. help me, and I’m
healthy None of us ever truly are.
Now, in 2020, going back
fortunate that my
friends and family
Sam’s inspirational story
highlights the difficulty
to the gym for sensible are supportive and of breaking the cycle of
work-outs and eating understanding. Even alcohol use when it is used
days in general hospital, properly again feels good. though I have had a as a coping mechanism
and was transferred Things I never normally series of lapses, I know to manage our mental
immediately after. allowed myself to do, or I can do it again – but health. It may provide
It was a short stay, but hadn’t for a long time – without their support temporary comfort, but
successful in getting like going for long walks it wouldn’t be possible. it is damaging to our
the real work started on along Brighton beach, What I’ve realised in wellbeing to maintain such
my recovery. Getting a where I live – also help. this journey is the key to a cycle, as Sam bravely
diagnosis of emotionally I’m getting into a recovery is establishing shares with us. Thankfully,
unstable personality structured routine, with coping mechanisms that Sam was able to receive
disorder also helped me to self-care being vital in my are healthy, fulfilling and helpful support,
understand my episodes of recovery moving forward. non-damaging. and find the
emotional intensity. It was While I recognise There’s no shame internal strength
a ‘dual diagnosis’, linked the ‘blips’, I now know in recognising our to break the
to alcohol dependency, they’re not the end of unhealthy coping cycle.
which recognised that the world, and have mechanisms – and
both problems went hand learned that recovery is admitting it to ourselves Rav Sekhon | BA MA MBACP (Accred)
in hand. a process. is the starting point. Counsellor and psychotherapist

April 2020 • happiful.com • 59

Time to get Tasty
Feed your food fantasies with these three delicious dishes from
the world’s largest social food network, Tasty

T
here’s something truly
captivating about
watching incredible
food creations coming
to life. And if, like me,
you’re a fan of those mouth-
watering recipes, you’ll no-doubt
be familiar with Tasty – the
culinary brand from Buzzfeed.
With a reach of more than 325
million across its platforms,
and now branching out into
cookbooks, the food giant has
shared some irresistible recipes

Images | Tasty
with us. So prepare for those taste-
buds to tingle, and crack out your
aprons – the kitchen is calling!

Spinach & Sun-Dried Tomato Sweet Potato Crusted Quiche

Ingredients sweet potato, then microwave on • Spread the spinach over the
• 1 large sweet potato high for 1 minute. Allow to cool. sweet potato crust. Pour in the
• Olive oil, drizzle • Cut off the ends of the sweet egg mixture. Top with crumbled
• 4 large eggs potato, then peel. Slice into 3mm goat’s cheese.
• 350ml milk thick slices. • Bake for 30 minutes, or until the
• 1 garlic clove, minced • Add the slices to a bowl, and toss centre of the dish is set.
• 1 15g jarred sun-dried with olive oil, salt, and pepper. • Cool for 10 minutes before
tomatoes, drained • Arrange the sweet potato slices serving.
• 85g baby spinach, chopped around a 23cm round baking
• 115g goat cheese dish, slightly overlapping so they OUR EXPERT SAYS
• Salt and pepper cover the sides and bottom. Pair your quiche with a salad for
• Bake for 20–25 minutes, or until a delicious meal, any time of the
Method the potatoes are softened. year! The spinach contains several
•P
reheat your oven to 190C/Fan • In a medium bowl, beat the eggs, essential minerals, including calcium,
170C/gas mark 5). salt, and pepper. Add the milk, magnesium, iron, and folic acid for
•U
sing the tip of a knife, poke a garlic, and sun-dried tomatoes, keeping your red blood cells healthy,
few slits through the skin of the and whisk to combine. and your body energised and strong.
Spicy Chicken Pizza
Ingredients • Line a baking tray with
• 120ml pizza sauce greaseproof paper, and sprinkle All these recipes come from
• 1 ½ tbsp Frank’s RedHot Original evenly with cornmeal. Tasty, and can be included in
sauce, plus more for drizzling • Roll out the pizza dough to be a customisable cookbook. Visit
• 1 tbsp olive oil roughly 30cm round, and place it tasty.mybespokegift.com
• 1 ½ tsp cornmeal on a baking tray. to design your own
• 455g pizza dough • Spread the spicy pizza sauce on ‘My Tasty Cookbook’.
• 100g grated Mozzarella the dough. Top with mozzarella,
• 120g shredded chicken chicken and bacon. Scatter over
• 3 pieces of streaky bacon, torn the spinach, cherry tomatoes, and OUR EXPERT SAYS
into ½ inch pieces red onion. Boost the vitamins and minerals in
• 1 small handful fresh baby • Bake the pizza for 14–16 minutes, this meal further by adding extra
spinach until the edges are browned veggies, such as coloured diced peppers,
• 100g cherry tomatoes, halved and crisp. mushrooms, and asparagus, and you’ll
• 1 tbsp red onion, finely chopped • Remove from the oven, and allow be well on the way to hitting your five
• Ranch dressing, for drizzling to cool for 5 minutes. Then drizzle a day in one pizza! For veggies and
with Frank’s RedHot Original and vegans, substitute the bacon, chicken,
Method ranch dressing. Slice and serve. and mozzarella for vegan cheese.
• Preheat oven to 230C/Fan 210C/
gas mark 8)
• In a small bowl, whisk together
the pizza sauce and Frank’s
RedHot Original. Set aside.

Chocolate
Stuffed
Strawberries
Ingredients
• 18 strawberries •P
lace the strawberry tops back
•½ cup semi-sweet chocolate, on. Chill for 15 minutes.
melted •O
nce cool, dip the strawberries
•W hite chocolate, for dipping in white chocolate.
• Sprinkles, optional •A
dd sprinkles immediately if
desired. Then replace on to a
Method baking tray, and chill until set.
• Remove the tops from the
strawberries, but keep aside to OUR EXPERT SAYS
use later. Strawberries contain vitamin C Sonal is a nutritional therapist
• Scoop out the inside of the and are terrific for heart health and and director of Synergy
strawberries. immunity. These berries are low Nutrition. She specialises in
sports nutrition, hormonal
• Put your melted chocolate into glycemic, so don’t cause the blood
imbalances, and vegan
a piping bag, and then fill the sugars to spike. You could use dark diets. To find out more, visit
strawberries. chocolate as it contains less sugar. synergynutrition.co.uk
£57

£40 ENTER
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AT

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62 • happiful.com • April 2020
Tired of fatigue?
With so many responsibilities on our plates, most of us are used to feeling ready
for bed by the end of the day. But extreme tiredness, or fatigue, can make life
even more difficult to manage. Jenna Farmer shares the realities of chronic
fatigue, and chats to the experts for their top tips to help you manage it...

M
ost of us will know Now, imagine being in that fatigue as far more relentless.
what it’s like to permanent state of exhaustion, where It’s closer to exhaustion than
feel drained and no amount of rest seems to help you tiredness, and can be a symptom
extremely tired – recharge. For those experiencing of a chronic condition (such as
whether we’ve just had a long day, chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS), this inflammatory bowel disease (IBD)
or week, or a restless night. Our can be their reality. or thyroid problems), or caused by
whole body can ache, headaches nutritional deficiencies and diet.
appear, it can be hard to What is fatigue? While a good night’s sleep is the
concentrate, and despite needing It’s normal to stifle a yawn at cure for tiredness, many describe
that rest, we might find it difficult your desk once five o’clock rolls fatigue as never quite shifting,
to sleep. around, but many people describe even after a lie-in. >>>

April 2020 • happiful.com • 63

CFS differs in
that the fatigue
is ongoing over a
What is chronic fatigue period of at least
syndrome? six months
When we talk about fatigue,
it’s important to differentiate it
from CFS. While some may well
suffer with fatigue for a while
(and therefore might consider
it ‘chronic’), “CFS is a diagnosis
of exclusion,” advises Dr Aishah
Iqbal, a doctor and personal
trainer. “This means other
conditions that could cause fatigue
need to be ruled out.”
As well as excluding other
potential causes, some additional
symptoms can also point to it
being CFS rather than general
fatigue. “CFS differs in that the
fatigue is ongoing over a period of
at least six months, and will also
be accompanied by at least four of
the following symptoms: problems
with memory, worsening of
symptoms after even minor
exertion, unrefreshing sleep,
concentration issues, muscle or
joint pain, sore throat, headaches,
or tender glands,” explains Alice
Godfrey, a nutritional therapist
who specialises in fatigue and
anxiety. “Tiredness and fatigue are very nutritional deficiencies that can
common symptoms experienced cause it. One of these is vitamin
Nutritional deficiencies by many people. The causes can be D since, at this time of year,
and fatigue so vast, which is why it is important many of us just don’t get to see
If you’re struggling with fatigue, for anyone experiencing these enough sunlight to top up our
your first port of call should be symptoms to visit their GP,” says Dr levels. In turn, it’s also common
your doctor. Even if you don’t Aishah Iqbal. for menstruating women to
have the symptoms of CFS, your Once there, your GP will likely have low iron levels, while the
doctor can help you to figure out if run some blood tests to get a rise of veganism can leave many
your bouts of exhaustion are due picture of what’s going on with struggling to get enough vitamin
to other conditions, or potential your body. While fatigue has many B12 (usually found in eggs and
nutritional deficiencies. causes, there are several potential meat) in their diet. All of these

64 • happiful.com • April 2020

More than 50%
of people with
nutritional deficiencies can make importance of an early night –
IBS complain
you feel low on energy, so ask
your doctor to be tested, and, if
which means ditching the phone
earlier in the evening. “Prioritise
of fatigue
necessary, consider investing sleep and the circadian rhythm, resolving nutritional deficiencies
in good quality supplements for which means no screens after through supplements is enough to
optimum levels of these vitamins 8pm unless used on a night setting help them feel better, while others
and minerals. so melatonin is still produced,” find diet changes a great help in
explains Alice. boosting their energy levels.
What diet and lifestyle When it comes to CFS, one
changes can help with fatigue? How is fatigue linked treatment option sometimes
As well as investigating to your gut? suggested by the NHS is graded
deficiencies, looking at your diet You won’t be surprised to hear exercise therapy (GET). “The
and lifestyle may also be the key that improving your gut health aim of GET is to gradually get
to managing life with fatigue. can potentially work wonders a person to do more,” says Dr
This might be something simple – with fatigue, too. Those with Aishah Iqbal. “With CFS, people
like making sure you’re drinking digestive conditions seem can feel as if they are not doing
plenty of water throughout the more likely to have fatigue (for anything progressive because of
day, or getting out for some fresh example, it’s been found that their symptoms. With GET, not
air at lunchtime – while others more than 50% of people with only is the individual getting some
may find they need to overhaul IBS complain of this), perhaps exercise, but they are also working
their diet. because they’re more likely to towards progressing with their
Breakfast is vital to ensure you suffer with nutrition issues, ability. Setting goals is a big part of
have plenty of energy for the day due to a restricted diet or poor this, which helps those with CFS
ahead, so don’t be tempted to absorption of vitamins in the gut. have something to aim for.”
skip it. “Keep blood sugar levels Some studies have shown that Sadly there isn’t much evidence
balanced with a high protein those with CFS have lower levels to suggest this is an effective
breakfast and protein snack,” of certain strains of good bacteria, treatment for everybody with CFS
explains Alice Godfrey. Eating when compared to the general just yet, but the good news is that
sugar-rich foods may give you a population. “Digestive health is although there’s no cure for CFS,
temporary burst of energy but always relevant when I work with the NHS does tell us that a lot of
it’s often followed by a huge dip. those with CFS, so taking a good people can get better over time.
Keeping sugar levels more steady quality probiotic, or eating fresh So if you’re struggling to improve
will help prevent these crashes. probiotic foods like kimchi and your symptoms, don’t give up
For lunch and dinner, Alice sauerkraut, may also help,” adds hope. Explore your options, to
advocates tucking into plenty Alice Godfrey. hopefully find the fatigue might
of dark leafy greens (which are fade in time.
not only packed full of nutrients Can fatigue and CFS be cured?
but can also be a source of iron), When it comes to fatigue in Jenna Farmer is a freelance journalist
as well as healthy fats (such as general, this really depends on who specialises in writing about gut
avocado and oily fish). its cause, and whether fatigue is health. She has Crohn’s disease and
And when bedtime rolls part of another condition. Some blogs about her journey to improve
around, don’t underestimate the people with mild fatigue may find gut health at abalancedbelly.co.uk

April 2020 • happiful.com • 65

“
Creativity takes courage
– HENRI MATISSE

Photography | Johnny Magrippis

Brains, baking,
and being more
curious
Psychologist, author, and Great
British Bake Off finalist Kimberley
Wilson is on a mission to help
us understand and protect our
greatest assets – our brains

Writing | Lucy Donoughue

A
fter a long day of clients,
it would be completely
understandable if
psychologist and Great
British Bake Off alumna
Kimberley Wilson was a little low on
energy for our interview. But from the
moment we meet it’s non-stop natter
– brain health facts and research, and
a dash of baking chat thrown in for
good measure.
Kimberley is deeply passionate about
psychology, an area that’s been of huge
interest to her since she was a child.
“Thinking back, it’s no surprise that I
became interested in psychology and
mental health, in a bid to understand
what was happening in the brains
Photography | Jessie Whealy

around me,” she says, explaining

that a number of mental illnesses
and neuro-degenerative diseases,
including multiple sclerosis, epilepsy,
schizophrenia, motor neurone disease,
run in her immediate family. >>>

April 2020 • happiful.com • 67

Now, as a chartered psychologist
with her own clinical practice, You can’t just say things and not
understand that your words have
Kimberley specialises in the
overlap between food and
psychology. Through her work
to date, including a book and
meaning, and that people who
her Stronger Minds podcast, she’s believe you, and who trust you,
become a leading UK advocate for
brain health, and is always keen to may act on them
promote what we can do to protect
our most precious asset. I’m fascinated by the processes in a way that feels convincing. It
The brain, Kimberley insists, around psychology. Partly I just makes me angry because we have
needs a lot more attention than want to share that curiosity like a responsibility to each other.
we’re collectively giving it, and ‘Oh my God, did you know this is You can’t just say things and not
it’s time to stop separating what how this works? Isn’t it amazing?’ understand that your words have
happens in our heads from the rest I worry people just aren’t curious meaning, and that people who
of our body. enough,” she laughs. believe you, and who trust you,
“It’s almost as if we say: Along with concerns about may act on them. And that action
‘Something’s happening in your our collective rate of curiosity, could have serious consequences
head, so we’re only going to look Kimberley has a healthy for their health.
at your head.’ But as we now know, preoccupation with the internet, “That’s one of the reasons why
the body has a huge influence on explaining that she’s seen the I want to put good information
the brain. good, the bad, and the ugly from out there. I can try to make
“Your brain is an organ and, influencers sharing information information engaging, interesting,
like your heart, it needs proper about mental health, and how to and accessible. So I try to be
nutrition. It needs adequate feed our brains and bodies. that ‘middle man’ between the
rest, it needs adequate exercise,” “The internet and social researchers doing the incredible
Kimberley says. “Of course it’s media have been incredible in work, and the audience who
going to be affected by the things democratising information,” she perhaps don’t have access to that.”
that you eat, the things you drink, says. “People in remote parts With so much of her own energy
whether you smoke or not, and of the world now have access dedicated to promoting mental
how much exercise you get. The to information in a way that is wellbeing in the public sphere,
chemistry of your body, your completely unprecedented, and it would be understandable
immune function is all going to be can participate in social life in if Kimberley’s own wellbeing
influencing your brain health.” ways they never could before. practises slipped down the priority
Her unrelenting enthusiasm “At the same time, the internet list. However, she has a very
for the subject is evident. “I’ve has enabled the spread of special place and time for her own
always been very curious and nonsense and misinformation wellness at home.

68 • happiful.com • April 2020

reminding myself no one was
timing me, no one was going to
ask me any questions. It took me
about three hours to bake!”
As our time chatting about
brains, baking, and being aware of
the information we ingest comes
to an end, I can’t help but wish
our conversation could continue.
Kimberley’s amazing mix of
passion, research, knowledge,
and personality, makes the public
health and wellness messages
she’s working so hard to impart,
very easy to digest.

I procrasti-bake! I think I could

Hear more of the conversation
with Kimberley on Happiful’s
do my taxes or I could make
podcast ‘I am. I have’. some blueberry muffins
“My kitchen is my happy place,” felt like I was getting like carpal
she beams. “It’s where I relax. I tunnel syndrome from rolling
will always find excuses to cook – I out all the dough!”
procrasti-bake! I think I could do Kimberley maintains the show
my taxes, or I could make some was massive fun, albeit a big
blueberry muffins...” time commitment alongside
Kimberley has quite the history her already busy full-time job.
with baking, and competitive However, the impact of being on
baking at that. In 2013 she was the Bake Off lasted well beyond
a finalist in the legendary Great the programme airing, she says,
British Bake Off, and it’s a time and her kitchen life afterwards
she has both fond and physically required some ‘adjustment’.
painful memories of. “It was about eight months
“I fell out of baking for a while,” of intense baking – it takes
she reflects. “I think it happened over your life,” Kimberley says.
after the intensity of the Bake “So at the end of it, I was a bit
Off. I remember one week we shell-shocked and had to do ‘How to Build a Healthy Brain: Reduce
stress, anxiety and depression and
had to make breadsticks, and I what I called ‘rehab bakes’. I future-proof your brain’ by Kimberley
was practising them every day. I started off with a lemon drizzle Wilson, published by Yellow Kite
must’ve made about 200, and it cake, very gently, very slowly (£16.99), is out now.

April 2020 • happiful.com • 69

Bath:
The hometown of wellness
When the Romans settled in Bath in 60 AD, they knew there was something special about
this southern counties suntrap. A few centuries later, and Happiful’s Kathryn Wheeler
headed to the city to discover what Bath has to offer today’s wellness weekenders

C
ushioned by rolling power of this bubbling natural Insider Tip
countryside, lined with spring – and walk the perimeter Leave the car behind and take
Georgian streets built of the baths, developing a sense of a stroll around this beautiful,
from honey-coloured what it would have meant to bathe compact city. From the centre,
Bridgewater brick, and accented in these naturally warm waters in all major attractions are within
by ancient architecture that has ancient times. a 15-minute radius, and down
stood the test of time – there’s Across the city, No.15 Great at street level, you can’t help
something special about Bath. Pulteney is the spa hotel that’s but stumble across picturesque
A mini-break in the Somerset city putting a 2020 spin on wellness alleys, independent cafes, and
has been on my to-do list for an – as I discovered when I was charity shops brimming with
age, and so when Visit Bath invited offered the opportunity to try their treasures.
me to discover what makes it the latest treatment, ‘Mindful Touch’.
ultimate wellness destination, I Combining visuals in a virtual
had my bags packed quicker than reality headset with more familiar Back out on the streets, to get
you can say “rest and relaxation”. massage elements, ‘Mindful Touch’ a good feel for Bath and the
My stay began with a check-in at is an interesting experience that surrounding area, hop on the
The Bird – a boutique hotel with opens up questions about the role open-top bus for a whistle-stop
views over the recreation ground that VR could potentially play in tour of the major points of interest
and Bath Abbey. Overflowing our wellbeing. in the centre, before heading
with surprising moments of But for a more traditional out on to country roads to see a
delight – with quirky, modern experience, head to the Soul Spa stunning view over the entire city.
decor that runs in parallel with for a 20-minute drop-in meditation Far from a pootling time-filler, the
the impressive period architecture session. At just £5 a session, this bus tours are an opportunity to sit
– The Bird makes an enchanting is the ideal way to dip into some back and relax while you take in
base to explore the city from. mindfulness in the midst of a busy the sights.
Stepping out of the hotel, the city day. Hosted in the eaves of a When it comes to eating out in
first place on my itinerary was historical building, the session I Bath, you’ll be spoiled for choice. I
the famous Roman Baths. Ever attended was guided meditation headed to Turkish-Mediterranean
since the Roman’s settled here in on the topic of ‘loving kindness’. restaurant Cappadocia. Book
60 AD, bringing with them public A perfect experience to enjoy a table next to the panoramic
spas, Bath’s past has become with a partner or loved one, the window and take in views across
entwined with wellness. Hold session asks you to reflect on the the River Avon, and the famous
your hand over the steam, rising love in your life, prompting you to Pulteney Bridge. I recommend the
from thermal water that rushes celebrate and share the positive hummus and falafel – a treat for
through the limestone, to feel the feelings that run between us all. your tastebuds, this vegan staple is
1) Walk the around the Roman Baths,
2) Be in awe of Bath Abbey, 3) Rest at
The Bird hotel, 4) Recharge at Soul Spa

brought to life by a powerful blend

of flavour and spice.
Just a stone’s throw away is The
Boater pub. This establishment

1 is a Narnia of a place. From its

quaint, unassuming front, you
would never guess that it boasts
the largest pub garden in Bath.
Mixed with homely, cosy corners
– it’s the ideal place to settle and
mull over the day.
As my overnight stay in Bath
came to an end, I experienced that
perfect mini-break feeling that
you get when you’ve found the
fragile balance between activity
and relaxation. Revitalised by the
treatments I’d sampled, and the
places that I’d visited, the ‘Bath
effect’ lingered all the way home.
But it’s more than an array
of spa hotels and innovative
treatments. A stroll around the
centre will soon reveal that the
sense of eudaimonia is etched
2 3 into the very structure of the
city. Simultaneously very much
alive, and yet serene and easy
– a stay in Bath is contrary to
standard hustling city breaks,
offering something so much more
harmonious and consolidating.
So pack your bags and experience
this rare place yourself – you won’t
be disappointed.

Plan your stay in Bath by heading to

visitbath.co.uk

4
How to stop
people-pleasing
Always putting others ahead of yourself can lead to problems at home and work.
So, it’s time to learn to say ‘No’ – and to start looking after Number One
Writing | Helen Snape Illustrating | Rosan Magar
I
am a recovering people- Spend time getting to know ABUNDANCE MINDSET
pleaser. People-pleasing is a yourself, what you like, what makes One of the roots of people-pleasing
pattern of behaviour where you laugh, what you enjoy doing, is often a ‘lack’ mindset, or a deep
you put the needs of others and what you are good at. Be as feeling of not being enough. This
before your own and seek others’ kind to yourself as you are to other then shows up in every area of
approval. It gives you a temporary people. Try new things. Find a way to your life, and means you try to hold
reward, such as keeping the peace, connect with your Highest Self – the on to love, people, possessions,
avoiding a conflict, saving time on best version of you. money and jobs. You play small
arguing, and a ‘buzz’ that you have Cultivate self-love, so that you are and safe, and do anything to have
made someone else happy. giving from an overflowing cup. a ‘smooth’ life.
However, it begins to create Challenging the beliefs that we
problems in relationships, jobs, and SEEK APPROVAL FROM YOURSELF grew up with is hard work, but
health, that get worse over time. When you have a decision to it’s worth it. The universe is an
You don’t get your wants and needs make, ask yourself why you want abundant place, and there is plenty
met, you ignore your feelings, store to ask others’ opinions about it. of everything for you. If you hold on
up resentments, avoid intimacy, Do they bring a new perspective tightly to what you have, you have
and give and give and give until you or experience? Or are you seeking no space to receive more. Know that
fall ill or burn out. approval and reassurance from them? you deserve the best life has to offer
The good news is that people- When we seek approval from others, – it isn’t just for other people.
pleasing behaviour can be we are giving our power away.
unlearned. Here’s how… Learn to seek approval from yourself GET SUPPORT
and be your own best counsel. You People-pleasing leads to a
RECOGNISE THE PATTERNS know your life better than anyone, disconnection from others, as we
When is it that you can’t say ‘No’, and also what is best for you. Find a constantly worry what they think,
or can’t express your wants and way to tune into your little voice of and so we don’t open up to anyone.
needs? Who with? What events or truth – that quiet inner voice that is Breaking old patterns and creating
environments are problematic? there to guide you. Meditation can be new ones is much easier with
What happens before and after? a great way to do this. the encouragement of those who
How do you feel at the time, and understand and support you. Find
how do you feel now? CREATE HEALTHY BOUNDARIES someone you feel safe sharing
Keeping a journal will help you Our boundaries are simply what is your goals with, who can help you
to recognise when you do these OK for us, and what isn’t. Chronic identify areas to work on, keep you
things, and where there might be people-pleasers tend to have poor, or accountable, encourage you, and
trends and themes. You can then non-existent boundaries. celebrate your successes. If you
ask yourself where these patterns As you work on your relationship want professional support, you may
have appeared in your life before, with yourself, you will begin to want to talk to a coach or therapist.
and when they began. notice more how you wish to be Or you may find a self-development
Don’t judge yourself. Just treated and what is OK for you in group to join, or that self-help
becoming more aware of what terms of physical, emotional, and books give you new insights and
we are doing creates space for time-related boundaries. breakthroughs.
exploration and change. When you begin to communicate Remember it’s OK to ask for help.
your boundaries to others, expect We aren’t meant to do everything
YOUR MOST IMPORTANT some resistance. People don’t like ourselves.
RELATIONSHIP change, and they need to know
Healthy relationships with others that you are serious about your Helen Snape is a qualified coach,
stem from a healthy relationship boundaries. Don’t give in. mediator, and mentor, who works with
with yourself. We look for the Start off with smaller, easier areas women on breaking free from people-
approval of others when we don’t of life to build your confidence – and pleasing, codependency, and bad
know how to fill our own cup. keep at it! relationships. Visit helensnape.com

April 2020 • happiful.com • 73

Natasha Devon:
Testing times
Working tirelessly on the frontline of mental health education, when it
comes to considering the needs of today’s young adults, writer and
campaigner Natasha Devon has a unique insight. As she releases her
latest book, Yes You Can: Ace Your Exams Without Losing Your Mind,
we speak to Natasha about the key to academic success, and ask
whether today’s teens have it harder?
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

Congratulations on Yes You Can! term, and then during a wellbeing From your perspective, is life
What did you want to achieve week or a designated hour, it’s harder for today’s teenagers?
with the book? suddenly like: “Let’s all do some You get it a lot from certain
Initially, it was going to be a book yoga and stroke a kitten, and now commentators who go: “Well, I
about exam stress. But the more back to work.” did exams and I remember being
research I did, the more I realised That’s created this mentality – in stressed, but it turned out fine.”
that all the things that you do to a lot of people, not just kids – What they’re missing is changes
look after your mental health also where they think of their self-care to the education system, but also
make you a more effective learner. as another thing on their to-do list, that at the same time, because
Stress and anxiety interferes with rather than thinking, if I start from of austerity, things that we know
your ability to retain information, the perspective of building habits support mental health have been
think creatively, and problem- that nurture my mental health, pretty much stripped out of the
solve. So, the book turned into a that’s also going to have benefits school week. Children are doing
study guide. The tips in there are for other areas of my life. a lot less physical education, art,
all things that make you cleverer, drama – things that have a proven
but they also look after your What resources can help teens therapeutic value.
mental health. who are struggling? Some experts are now saying
I think the most helpful expert that, because there’s so much
That makes a lot of sense, so that I interviewed for the book increased testing on young people
why is this a relatively new was Dr Thomas Curran, who is an – it starts at age four now – that
conversation? expert on perfectionism. He was the amount of stress we’re placing
We live in a very individualistic talking about this overwhelming on still-developing brains is
society, where we’re told that the fear of failure that Generation Z measurable as trauma.
harder we work, the more value has now. A lot of the activities in
we have. That’s something that the book are designed to get them What’s the most surprising thing
children absorb from a really thinking about what they have that you’ve learned from working
early age. to offer more broadly, so they in schools?
What’s happening in schools understand that their entire value If I was just reading the headlines,
is you get this highly-pressured can’t be measured in a grade. I would have a really bleak view

74 • happiful.com • April 2020

‘Yes You Can: Ace Your
Exams Without Losing
Your Mind’ (Macmillan
Children's Books, £9.99)

The amount of
is out 2 April

stress we’re placing

on still-developing
brains is measurable
as trauma
Photography | Johnathan Donovan

we don’t notice how around exams, and they say it’s

wrong the world has as soon as they go on study leave,
become?” I thought, whoever’s at home is coming in
“Oh, wow.” I actually every five minutes, going: “How’s
don’t have time to answer that your revision going? Where are you
of what’s going on with teenagers. question, but it’s such a great up to? What have you learned?”
But when you’re actually working question. They found it distracting and
with them, they give you a lot annoying, and there was a kind of
of hope, because they really are If there’s one thing that Happiful implication that people didn’t trust
wonderful. readers can do today to support them to do it themselves.
I think sometimes, as adults, we the young people in their lives, I think it’s asking them: “What do
forget to question things. I was what would that be? you need? What would be helpful to
asked the other day by a teenager: Listen to what they want. I was you? How can I support you?” And
“Do you think that antidepressants interviewing young people about then really listening to whatever
are just anaesthetising us so that the least helpful thing that happens answer they say instead.

April 2020 • happiful.com • 75

“
Think of all the beauty
still left around you
and be happy
– ANNE FRANK

Photography | Bailey Zindel

What is
dehydration
anxiety?
A desire to be healthy and hydrated is completely normal, but what
happens when this intention becomes an obsession?
Writing | Katie Hoare

D
o you know how much Litre water bottles now linger can’t actually see the benefits of
water you’ve had on desks around me, and board hydration, often the anxiety can
today? Are you getting rooms are crowded with staff escalate, and induce panic attacks.
your recommended clutching their own bottles. If In the same breath as orthorexia –
daily intake? For some you’ve ever panicked about how an obsession with ‘clean’ foods – we
people, this is a casual question. little you’re drinking, you’re not could actually be doing more harm
It’s something we’re all aware we alone. Emails fill our inbox with than good with our excessive water
should be doing, but it’s not front subject lines ‘Signs you aren’t intake.
of mind all the time. Yet for others, drinking enough water,’ or ‘Do you As a millenial, I have been, and
not drinking enough consumes really know how much fluid you still am, surrounded by masses
their thoughts, and they can drink should be drinking?’ The answer is of conflicting information at my
excessive amounts, or experience probably, and understandably, no. disposal about what I should and
severe anxiety at the thought of Over the years, with all this mixed shouldn't be nourishing my body
not staying hydrated. information, are some of us taking with. And the media often plays a
When you Google dehydration this too far? Is there such a thing as part in fuelling this health anxiety.
anxiety, you’ll find an abundance being too obsessed with drinking Water, like oxygen and food, is
of results relating to how a lack of water? And at what point does the essential for life. But can you have
hydration feeds anxiety. And while balance tip from a healthy habit, to too much? Linked in the past to
that may be true, it’s not what I’m an unhealthy obsession? flooding the brain, overhydration
looking for. The specific fear of can also impact your blood quality
failing to nourish our bodies with WHAT IS DEHYDRATION and sodium levels.
enough water to prevent illness is ANXIETY? Nutritional therapist Karen
dehydration anxiety: a common Anxiety can have many causes, Alexander explains: “The eight
anxiety disorder you may not know but when it’s specifically linked glasses a day advice, that is
you have. to how much, or how little, water often given, is surprisingly not
I’ve grown up around addicts you drink, it’s called dehydration supported by evidence, but can be
– hydration addicts. And I’m no anxiety. It’s a constant fear used as a general guide – especially
different. I am obsessed with, that you aren’t hydrating your if you don’t get the usual thirst
addicted even, to my water bottle. body adequately, and given you signals.” >>>

April 2020 • happiful.com • 77

or autonomy within the person’s
life, and in some people, a fear of

Water, like their own mortality or physical

vulnerability. Most OCDs like this

oxygen develop as an attempt to soothe

some uncomfortable feelings, but

and food, is often we fear those uncomfortable

feelings so much, we attempt to

essential for
prevent them all the time. Thus
making engagement with the OCD

life. But can

behaviours increasingly common.”

you have
HOW TO MANAGE
DEHYDRATION ANXIETY

too much?
Sophie suggests keeping a log of
evidence that includes times when
someone didn’t drink as much
as they usually would, and they
Considering the general guide of were in fact, OK. “By keeping an
water intake is approximately two evidence log, you are weakening
litres, for those with dehydration the part of your mind that believes
anxiety, it’s likely that they are something harmful will occur
consuming significantly higher if you do not drink two litres of
volumes. water a day, or become thirsty. In
I spoke with friend and other words, it’s strengthening the
colleague, Alice Greedus, who also rational part that can cope with
experiences dehydration anxiety. uncomfortable feelings.”
For Alice, five litres of water each When dehydration anxiety
day is closer to her average, with strikes in the moment, Sophie
her fear of headaches and urinary recommends ‘box breathing’:
tract infections (UTIs) prompting “Close your eyes and breathe
her anxiety. in for four counts, imagining
“When I went to buy a new water drawing the top side of a square.
bottle, I had to check every one to Hold the breath for four counts,
find the largest available,” Alice and visualise drawing the vertical
says. “I’m aware that I can feel down side of the square. Next,
thirst, but now I’m not sure if it’s breathe out for four and draw the
psychological or real. If I go to bottom of your square. Lastly,
London, I’m constantly thinking, hold your empty lung space for
‘Can I get water?’, and ‘Is there a four counts and draw the final
toilet?’ It’s a vicious circle.” side of the square to meet back
Counsellor Sophie Robinson- where you started. Repeat until
Matthews explains that this is you feel calm again.
a form of obsessive compulsive “By then you should feel utterly
disorder (OCD). “Anxiety relating relaxed. This allows the rational
to health is often linked with the mind to decide on the next
need to control something, usually course of action, otherwise you’re
when there has been a prolonged operating from an irrational state
period of feeling a lack of control caused by fear and panic.”

78 • happiful.com • April 2020

HOW MUCH SHOULD
WE BE DRINKING?
Nutritional therapist Karen says:
“There is no doubt that sufficient
hydration is vital for your health,
but the amount needed varies
from person to person. A number
of factors influence this, such as
age, gender, diet, exercise, caffeine
or alcohol consumption, and the
presence of disease. Other than
listening to your thirst, another
way to judge your water needs is via
urine colour. Ideally you want pale
yellow urine – be aware that if you
are taking Riboflavin (vitamin B2)
this can make urine bright yellow.”
She also notes that many
vegetables also contain a high water
content, and can be counted towards
your daily intake, including most
fruit, cucumber, celery, lettuce,
courgette, tomato, potato, cabbage,
and even foods like salmon and eggs,
if not over-cooked.
The connection between a
healthy mind and a healthy body
is intrinsically linked, and the key
to keeping these both working in
harmony, is balance. Listen to your
body and reconnect with what thirst
actually feels like – starting with the
eight glasses a day guide. Keep a log
to identify how much you actually
drink, and work through your
anxiety with a trained therapist,
or practise mindful meditation to
strengthen your rational mind.
We may be hyper aware of our
health and the recommended dos
and don’ts of healthy living, but
everyone is different, and one size
doesn’t fit all. You can achieve a
balance that’s right for you.

You can find more information on health

anxiety, and find professional support for
this, on our Happiful app.

April 2020 • happiful.com • 79

Book

Man Down
The latest pocket-sized must-read aims to tackle all things
Review

related to men’s mental health

Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford

I
n the UK, suicides a certain stereotype of role, readers are asked and even easier to dip
are at a 16-year strength, stoicism, and to consider their in and out of. Turning
high. While, on the masculinity, that can own gender-based a heavy topic into
whole, we’re sharing stop them from feeling assumptions and something that even the
when we’re struggling able to speak out. upbringing. Are men most reluctant reader
more, there is still a big In his latest book, Man ‘worse’ at expressing can easily browse,
gender gap with being Down, author Charlie themselves, or do our Man Down provides
comfortable in opening Hoare offers a guide for assumptions around a great introduction
up. For men, suicide is men to help them better how men ‘should be’ to conditions such
the single biggest killer understand their mental put pressure on them as depression and
for those under 45, with health, encourage them to suppress how they psychosis.
men accounting for two- to reach out, and to seek really feel?
thirds of all suicides. help. Mixing personal SELF-CARE
While suicide is a experiences with AND SEEKING
sensitive, complex MEN’S MENTAL psychology and PROFESSIONAL
issue with a multitude HEALTH statistics, Man Down SUPPORT
of causes, the fact In Man Down, offers a rounded look Offering advice and
that men seek help readers are faced at men’s mental health. guidance, Man Down
for mental health with a challenging yet Addressing issues head- delves into the negative
less frequently than important question: on and challenging coping mechanisms
women is thought to why do men struggle assumptions on men may use. Touching
add to their ongoing to open up about their masculinity, from on the additional
distress, leading to self- mental health? ‘boys don’t cry’ to pressure that social
medication, isolation, Examining the kinds misconceptions that acceptability and
and other risks. of male role models admitting to mental celebration of some
While gender norms modern men have, as health problems is the issues (such as drinking
continue to change, well as the expectations same as admitting to alcohol, depending
many men still feel the that come with the weakness, each section on sex, and over-
pressure to conform to traditional gender is short, easy to read, working) can provide,

80 • happiful.com • April 2020

readers are presented help and support, Man out and do something has lifted from your
with alternative ways Down also includes just for fun, rather than shoulders. If you’re
to handle stress and tips on how you can for a specific goal or ready to start looking
emotional overload. support friends. The purpose, this could be for help and support, or
One area that caught suggestion is to be a a sign that you need to want something to help
my attention was the positive role model for address your work-life gently ease a friend or
emphasis on accepting those around us; we can balance. loved one into finding
how you feel, whether create an environment the help that they need,
that’s a positive or that provides the space SHOULD I BUY IT? Man Down could be the
negative emotion. With for people to speak up, Man Down provides book for you.
modern pressures from without feeling intense a great and easy-to-
social media, it can be or pressured. follow introduction
tempting to only show Another area worth to men’s mental
the world our best side; noting is the whole- health, and what you
who wants to know person approach to can do to put your
when we are struggling, wellbeing presented wellbeing first. If you
angry, or overwhelmed? within the book. know someone who is
Yet, by suppressing Reminding readers unfamiliar with mental
our negative emotions, that physical exercise health, or is struggling,
we’re denying another and a good diet are this could be a gentle
part of ourselves – a also needed to support introduction to help
natural part of the better mental health them start making
human experience. No and overall wellbeing, positive changes.
one can be happy all of Man Down delves into Recognising when
the time, and that’s OK. a myriad of ways we you need help can be Man Down
As well as outlining can put our wellbeing the hardest step – but by Charlie Hoare
typical advice on first. If you find yourself once you are ready, it (Summersdale, £9.99.
seeking professional struggling to take time can feel like a weight Out 13 March)

Great for…
Must
If you liked this, you’ll love... Reads
• Men who are
struggling with their
mental health

• Anyone looking to
How Not
Boys Don’t Cry Notes on a Nervous to Be a Boy
support a loved one
by Tim Grayburn Planet by Matt Haig by Robert Webb with their mental
health
Tim kept his depression secret After years of anxiety and Don’t cry. Drink beer. Play
• Those looking for an
for nearly a decade, but an panic attacks, Matt began rough. Looking back over his
unexpected discovery led him to look for a link between life, comedian Robert Webb easy-to-digest intro
to realise there was strength to what he felt and the world asks whether these rules are to mental health and
be found in sharing his story. around him. actually any use to anyone. wellbeing

April 2020 • happiful.com • 81

How to build a
healthy body image
If you’ve ever felt self-conscious, fallen victim to a comparison trap, or spoken
to yourself with a negative voice on seeing your reflection, you are definitely
not alone. But we all deserve to feel good about ourselves, and carving out a
healthier relationship with our bodies is possible...
Writing | Sarah Young

B
ody image: it’s to achieve ‘perfection’. These feel more at peace with yourself
something we all beauty standards are created to be and your body.
struggle with, whether unattainable, so that we become
occasionally, or if our life-long consumers of diet, weight CHALLENGE YOUR NEGATIVE
time is consumed by it. It can be loss, and beauty products. The THOUGHTS.
a niggle in the back of our minds, reality is that beauty is subjective, How many times a day do you
or a full-blown mental health and looking a certain way won’t criticise your appearance? If it’s
issue. With pressure coming from bring you happiness – that comes multiple times a day, you aren’t
all sides – in the media, online, from inside. You are worthy and alone, but you deserve to feel great
from the products to make us enough, regardless of what you about yourself and your body. The
look ‘better’, diet culture, and, look like. We are meant to all look next time a negative thought pops
unfortunately, sometimes from different; variety is the spice of life! into your head, challenge it! Out
each other – it can be hard to feel loud if possible, but if not, you can
OK, let alone amazing, about your FOLLOW SOCIAL MEDIA just think it. It might sound silly,
own body. ACCOUNTS THAT MAKE YOU but it’s not just about being kind
But feeling good about the body FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF. to yourself; it’s about rewiring
you live in is a really big aspect of Many of us spend a large your brain so that it stops jumping
mental health and wellbeing, so proportion of our time scrolling straight to negative tropes that
it’s important we do all we can to through social media, and often you have repeated to yourself over
stand up and fight against poor compare ourselves to those time. The more you stop your
body image, and reject the ideals we follow, with a tendency to negative thoughts in their tracks,
that society might try to force on unconsciously gravitate towards and challenge them, the less your

00
us. Here are five ways to improve accounts of people with ‘perfect’ brain is going to automatically zap
your body image, starting today... lives and bodies. But I challenge into critical mode.
you to unfollow those who make
RECOGNISE THAT SOCIETY’S you feel worse about yourself, THINK ABOUT WHAT YOUR BODY
BEAUTY STANDARDS ARE and instead follow people who CAN DO FOR YOU.
UNREALISTIC. make you want to celebrate your Your body is an amazing thing. It’s a
The idea of what the ‘perfect’ body. There are loads of people vessel that carries you through your
person looks like was created battling against the idea that we life, and it’s true value is in what
in order for that idea to become should look a certain way, and it can do, not what it looks like.
profitable. By pushing that idea, who unashamedly bare all in Whether you are going through life
companies and individuals can order to give representation to using just your body, a wheelchair,
sell us a huge range of products regular bodies. Follow those who or a mobility aid, your body has
under the guise of helping us genuinely uplift you, and make you the ability to do a ton of fantastic,

82 • happiful.com • April 2020

You are worthy and enough,
regardless of what you look like.
We are meant to all look different;
variety is the spice of life!
unmissable things. At its most basic
function, it allows you to be alive
every day. It gives you the ability to
experience being. Your body allows
you to engage in a variety of different
physical activities – running,
walking, swimming, lifting weights,
or dancing. It allows you to hug and
to hold. It allows you to touch. It
allows you to experience pleasure in
all its forms. When you are injured,
your body does its utmost to heal you.
Your body is incredible!

REALISE THAT YOU ARE MORE

THAN YOUR BODY.
Your body is pretty awesome, but it’s
not the most important thing about
you, and your worth doesn’t come
from what your body looks like or
what it can do for you. Who you are
– who you really are – is inside you.
In your heart and your soul. Maybe
you are always there for your friends
when they need it. Maybe you work
in a job helping others. Maybe you
volunteer looking after animals.
Maybe you are an extra caring and
compassionate parent, sibling, or
child. Maybe you’re a particularly
thoughtful partner. Maybe you are
doing all you can to be the best
version of yourself. Whatever they
are, the really amazing parts of you
are on the inside.

Sarah talks about body image, body

positivity, and eating disorder recovery,
as well as chronic illness, on her
Instagram @bodypositivepear

April 2020 • happiful.com • 83

Worries, be-gong
A relatively new alternative therapy, gong baths see participants lie in relaxed
positions as a gong master skillfully plays instruments in a complex, layered
way. It’s thought that the frequencies of the gongs can have a healing effect on
our minds and bodies. So, what did Happiful’s Kathryn Wheeler make of the
experience when she headed to a session hosted by Om Sound Therapy?

I
’m lying on a yoga mat, uses a combination of meditative The session I’m at is being run by
wrapped tightly in a blanket, techniques and the deep vibrations Coral Chambers, a sound healing
with my head on a soft of the gongs, to guide participants therapist, gong practitioner, and
cushion. In front of me are through a mindful experience. a member of the Sound Healing
two large gongs suspended Sometimes called a ‘sound bath’ College, based in Surrey. For Coral,
from tall stands, with a selection or ‘gong meditation’, the practice is music is the “key to the soul”, and
of other instruments placed on often intertwined with spirituality, she notes that if you find your
the floor behind them. The room and some report having mood can be changed by music,
is dark, apart from a string of fairy transportive experiences during you may already be open to the
lights around the base of the gong the sessions. But on a physical desired effect of a gong bath.
stand, and a few tea lights burning level, the sounds and vibrations The session begins with a short,
in glass bowls. of the gongs can support people centring meditation, which Coral
This isn’t what a standard on their meditative journey, leisurely guides us through, before
Wednesday evening looks like for allowing them to switch off from the first sound of the session
me. I’m here to experience a gong the outside world, leaving their begins. With my eyes closed, I can’t
bath – an alternative therapy that worries behind. tell what instrument Coral was

The outside world melted away as the

sound completely washed over me

84 • happiful.com • April 2020

TRY THIS AT HOME

Need a boost? We’ve put together

our favourite feel-good songs.
Plug your headphones in, and
face the music!

‘Go Your Own Way’

Fleetwood Mac

using to create the sound, ‘I’m a Believer’

but it was a gentle rattle, The Monkees
that seemed to bounce
‘Walking on Sunshine’
around the room as I heard
Katrina & the Waves
her move from person to
person, before eventually ‘Send Me on My Way’
holding it above me. Rusted Root
She did the same thing with a
few more instruments of different ‘Hooked on a Feeling’
timbres, and then the gongs began. Blue Swede
I’m not sure what I expected. I’ve ‘Fight Song’ Rachel Platten
heard gongs hit before, but the
sound I experienced throughout ‘Everybody’s Free (to Wear
the ‘bath’ was unlike anything I’d I found myself able to slip into Sunscreen)’ Baz Luhrmann
known previously. The texture a relaxed state where my mind
of the sound was thick, heavy, gently wandered through happy ‘Pencil Full of Lead’ Paolo Nutini
and layered. It felt as though it thoughts.
was pulsing in the air above me, Before I knew it, the sound
simultaneously grounding and of the gongs slowly faded out, and body, totally switching
releasing me. Safe in my blanket replaced with light bell sounds off from the outside world,
cocoon, the outside world melted that rang pleasantly in my ears, as and allowing the incredible
away as the sound completely Coral once again walked around sounds of the gongs to guide my
washed over me, creeping the room to play them over our experience.
into every corner of my mind, bodies. These high, light sounds It’s not often that you can
occupying my thoughts. seemed to break the trance of the take an hour to let yourself
It was immediately obvious to me session, the cascading sound of be completely claimed by a
how much skill went into playing the bells like water droplets falling sensation, and if you’re interested
these gongs, as Coral artfully off my mind after gently peeling in honing your mindfulness
built and released the tension of myself out of the gong bath. and meditation skills, a gong
the sound, mixing in different As the sound in the room faded bath could set you on your way.
rhythms, speeding up and slowing out, and the traffic and hustle of Whether you’re looking for a
down, and layering the sounds on the outside edged in, Coral brought spiritual experience, or just want
top of each other. us back to the room, thanking us to embrace the physical effect of
In total, the session lasted for an for taking part, and repeating her sound and vibrations, gong baths
hour, with 40 minutes dedicated personal mantra: “I am safe. I am are a unique way of working
to the gong playing. While at the protected. I have everything I need. towards a sound mind.
beginning the sound was new And I am loved.”
and riveting, as time progressed For me, the gong bath was an Find out more about gong baths at
it became more soothing, and opportunity to retune my mind omsoundtherapy.co.uk

April 2020 • happiful.com • 85

Photography | Brooke Boyer

“ So many things become

beautiful when you really look
– LAUREN OLIVER
TRUE LIFE

Running to
a new day
Shaun spent years in and out of hospital, with severe
depression and suicidal thoughts, until he finally
received a diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder
and autism spectrum disorder. But it wasn’t until he
discovered the power of exercise that he found the
outlet he needed to get his health back on track
Writing | Shaun Vos

M
y recovery my severe social anxiety what I could do about it, as by myself, so I went back
has been hampered my ability to every other career seemed to work in IT. I managed
several work with colleagues, and to require people skills (of to rent a flat in Southend-
years assert my needs. When I which I had none). on-Sea, which helped my
in the was in a high mood, my It was in 2012 that my anxiety, but my severe
making, with many productivity and creativity psychiatrist diagnosed depression continued to
traumatic moments along would get me noticed, and me with schizoaffective linger. My symptoms and
the way, but I believe I’m even rewarded. But the disorder (schizophrenia the medication I was on,
beginning to get to the trouble with performing and bipolar). The resulted in my weight
other side of suffering. well is that it leads to even consultant explained that ballooning.
Growing up, I greater expectations. I wasn’t just experiencing By summer 2015, I had
experienced countless This would be fine until anxiety around people, reached the end of my
bouts of depression and my depression hit, and I but that I was often having tether. I’d been working
anxiety as a teenager, but would fail spectacularly. subtle, but paranoid, for almost 18 months
never sought any real help As a result, I assumed that delusions about them. By straight, separated only by
until I finally spoke to a there was a conspiracy to the end of that year, after multiple but brief stays in
counsellor at university get me fired. Unfortunately several hospitalisations, I hospital following suicide
in 2005. I had one hour a this resulted in me moving was struggling with even attempts. I sat at home
week of one-to-one therapy jobs every six to 12 basic self-care. contemplating what to do.
over four months. months. I arrived back in Essex in I came to the conclusion
It wasn’t then until 2010 By 2011, I just couldn’t 2013, as a new patient to that I should take an
that things really started work anymore. Severe the NHS and I didn’t feel I overdose.
to unravel. I was living social anxiety and was being taken seriously, I was woken by my
in Sydney, Australia, as depression had led me to despite my symptoms. mum. She’d travelled 50
a graduate in computer attempt to take my life. I Living with strangers miles after worrying about
science. Although I was had stopped enjoying my was hard for me, and I me, and had phoned an
good with computers, work, and felt lost as to desperately wanted to live ambulance. >>>

April 2020 • happiful.com • 87

‘By September my mum told
me: “I’ve got my son back”’

Shaun attended Rethink

Mental Illness courses

then signposted to the Unfortunately in August

Rethink Employment 2016 my mum was
The consultant explained that I Service where I met diagnosed with terminal
wasn’t just experiencing anxiety Jo, who supported cancer. I worked even
me in getting into harder to take care of
around people, but that I was having volunteering, and I myself – exercising,
subtle, but paranoid, delusions started challenging losing the weight, and by
my social anxiety by September my mum told
working in my local me: “I’ve got my son back.”
But seeing her made me I underwent 12 rounds Mind charity shop. When I would enter her
panic, and I immediately of ECT, which involved Around four months room in the hospice her
ran off to try to hurt passing an electric current later, my reduced face would light up. But
myself. Thankfully the through my head while income from living off sadly, she passed away in
paramedics and the police under anaesthesia. After benefits meant I was October 2016.
looked after me. nine treatments, my mood struggling to afford my In my grief, I didn’t feel
No physical harm had started to lift. The only rent. The effects of the able to do the 10K, and
come to me, so I was side-effects I had were ECT had also started also lost my job. I did
assessed by a psychiatrist some memory loss. to wear off, and I was manage to get another
to work out the next steps. Once I was back home, beginning to feel very part-time night job, but
Personally, I didn’t see any I didn’t know what to do down again. still didn’t have enough
point with life anymore. I with myself, until I found But Jo helped me to income to make ends
had tried a dozen different out about the charity write a CV, and I was meet. My mood was up
medications, yet I was Rethink Mental Illness, able to gain a part-time and down throughout the
still no better. It was at who ran some services job at a supermarket. I year, and working nights
this point the consultant in my area, and attended started going to the gym, was severely affecting
agreed I could have two of their courses – and found that I enjoyed my sleep. Yet I continued
electroconvulsive therapy one on depression and running, so I signed up with my running, and
(ECT). I stayed in hospital another on building for the Southend 10K fundraised for Rethink
for three months where self-confidence. I was later that year. Mental Illness by doing

88 • happiful.com • April 2020

Running is a
meditative as
well as a physical
activity for me.
It has helped me
feel gratitude for
being present,
appreciating
the dawn of a
new day Shaun created peer support groups for
others in his community

three 10K races, and a half But the good news was Running is a meditative OUR EXPERT SAYS
marathon in 2017. I was in a place where as well as a physical
I was keen to help the peer group I had activity for me. I have Shaun struggled with his
others, and so that spring envisaged could now learnt to be able to push mental health for many
approached Rethink Mental become a reality, and past suffering, be it years, until reaching out
Illness about starting a the friends I made there physical or mental. It for help and treatment
local peer support group, meant my anxiety dropped has also helped me feel offered hope. He took
which we planned to kick considerably. gratitude for being present strength from the
off in November. But In the summer of 2018, as I run along Southend support of the people
unfortunately I became my medication was seafront, appreciating the around him – including
extremely unwell... tinkered with and I was dawn of a new day. Our his mum, charity, and
From September to able to start running peer support group has peers. – and in time,
December I was in and again, and began training shown me I am not alone, he made progress.
out of hospital due to for my first marathon. I and I am confident to use The support allowed
the severe psychosis. I also started a part-time my own experiences to him to see that he’s not
began hallucinating and Masters in Mental Health empower others. alone, and to believe
experiencing delusions. It Recovery and Social I would suggest to in himself and his
ended with me stopping Inclusion at the University anyone with mental experience. Often when
all the cars on a busy road of Hertfordshire. health challenges to we’re ill, the unknown
believing I was in The With my own love of seek knowledge and is both frightening, and
Matrix. I was detained by exercise, Rethink Mental support in managing isolating, so connecting
the police. Illness helped me to their condition. Not just with others,
I left hospital in January support our peer group from health professionals and caring for
2018, and was eventually with scheduling rounders, but from peers (such as ourselves is an
diagnosed with autism table tennis, cycling, and support groups) with lived important part of
spectrum disorder. I finally circuit training. I also ran experience. Try to develop recovery.
accepted the need for the Manchester Marathon a growth mindset, so you
my medication, but I still last April in 4 hours and 41 can build resiliency when Graeme Orr | MBACP (Accred) UKRCP
struggled with side-effects. minutes. adversity comes your way. Reg Ind counsellor

April 2020 • happiful.com • 89

Mental health
matters
Mental health advocate,
campaigner, and writer Richard
Taylor knows first-hand what it’s like
to reach rock bottom, but he’s also
come through it. Here he shares his
insight and advice – and believe us, Follow Richard on Instagram and
they’re words worth reading... Twitter @RichBiscuit21

Mental health matters to me If I could speak to my past self, I [Linkin Park vocalist] Chester
because... we all have it. And yet, would say... that not everything Bennington for the Guardian
when you disclose to someone you think is true. I would tell my when all I could think about
that you are living with a mental teenage self, that you are worthy was being trapped with my own
illness there is a noticeable shift of love and care from yourself. suicidal thoughts. That makes me
in the air. I want to help create a People won’t judge you, and later feel proud.
world where this isn’t the case, in life you’ll find people who
and instead, a comforting arm is accept you just as you are. The main thing I want people to
wrapped around those who live know about living with OCD is...
with torment in their minds. The best lesson I’ve learned in that it does not make you a freak,
life is... that you should never let or someone who doesn’t deserve
Three things I would say to anyone anyone tell you how to live yours, to be happy. OCD can be – and
struggling with their mental health just because it is different from often is, but not always – hell
are... that you are not alone, nor how they would live theirs. When to live with. It makes you doubt
are you broken, damaged or my best friend died at the age of your own mind, your family and
deserve to be treated as such. 25, it helped me realise that life friends, strangers, and pretty
Secondly, I would desperately moves fast, and you shouldn’t much everything around you. But
encourage you to seek help – keep putting off that thing you’ve it isn’t always this way, I promise.
there are myriad services who always wanted to do.
will listen without judgement. One thing having OCD has taught
Lastly, I want you to know that The moment I felt most proud of me about myself is... that I’m a
it is perfectly OK to give in, but myself was... when my writing resilient bastard when I need to
please don’t give up. There is was first commissioned by a be, and I’m much stronger than
a fine line between living with major publication. Pride is an I ever allowed myself to believe.
hope and existing with despair. emotion I find incredibly difficult You’ll learn to pick yourself up,
Hold on to that hope, because I to connect with, and a lot of and you do not need to define
won’t give up on you. I’ve been people tell me I should be proud yourself by your OCD. It’s a
there before, I’ll likely be there of how far I’ve come. I remember fragment of what makes you a
again, and this is the battle we sitting in a crumpled heap on brilliantly kind person with a
face together, but we are strong the floor, and writing about good heart, a wild imagination, a
enough, even if our minds try to how I wanted to die. Years later, curiosity for life, and an empathy
convince us otherwise. I’m writing about the suicide of with those who know your pain.
Photography | Katie McBroom

“
The triumph can't be had
without the struggle
– WILMA RUDOLPH
December 2018 • happiful • 91
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